Max, Ben And My Wedding

Ok, so the Max thing is over. It was over a few weeks ago but I didn't feel like writing about it. I basically messaged him to ask if we were ever going to meet and he said no. So I'm not wasting any more time on him. He missed out. Bad luck. I'm glad I didn't get upset or anything. Probably because I was happy to not continue any more pointless communication.

Ben emailed me from overseas to say that he's really enjoying himself. It's nice of him to do that but I'm not as happy about it as I would be if he was older. I told April this and I think she's getting angry that I'm throwing away my chance of having a nice boyfriend. I know I am but I don't want to go out with a guy I have no future with and I just don't see any future with a guy who to me feels like a younger brother.

The couple that stayed with us told me, just before they left, that they hope to see me at my wedding. What the hell?! How do weddings always get into conversations? I hope my Mum didn't embarrass me and ask them if they knew any guys to set me up with.

Will You Light My Fire

(couldn't resist the pun)

So I watched World Idol. It's just like Eurovision so I quite enjoyed it. My brother taped it so I could rewind and watch my favourite bits over and over again. Ok, I only watched it 3 times!

My favourite one was Will Young. I loved the song that he sang. I think that I would've liked anyone who sang it. The Norway guy also had a really good voice but I'm not a fan of U2 so I didn't enjoy it as much. And I can't even judge Kelly Clarkson fairly because I'm put off her by all the hype. Guy was good but I think he would've had a better chance if he sang another song.

Merry Christmas

I prefer not to open presents. It's more enjoyable to look at the pretty wrapping, wonder about the shape of the object, feel the texture, assess the size and pretend that it's the most wonderful gift in the world.

Once you open it, all the excitement disappears. Behind the beatiful paper, there's usually some pointless gift that you don't want or need.

That's what usually happens in my case. Yeah yeah, I know it's the thought that counts but the more thought (and money) a person put into a bad gift, the guiltier I feel about not liking it.

The best gifts are usually the ones that are no surprise. For example, I love the gift voucher I got from April, Amelia and Emma so I can buy a handbag that I like. I asked for this present and I got it. So there was no surprise element.

Christine's and Claudia's gift was actually offensive and I would be embarrassed to give to anyone. Apart from the puzzle (which is fine), they gave me a travel guide (which is fine) from 2000!!! They are not even sold in the shops anymore! They probably got it at some book sale. What am I supposed to do with it?! Christine probably got it since she has no sense of anything. Claudia (who is like her best friend) got a present from her that is for her medical condition (can't say what it is here). It's just cruel to point out someone's medical problems on Christmas! So if she didn't have it, Christine wouldn't give her that present. It's like buying a wig for someone who went through chemotherapy. That's just not cool.

I'm getting so tired of her lately. Yesterday, April reminded me how at the sleepover she was telling her boyfriend how bored she was right in front of us. Does she not have any sense in her?

I never noticed her rudeness before.

Andrew gave me the sweetest present, as usual. I asked him for organiser refills but he misunderstood and got me another organiser. It's huge and I don't need it but it's from Andrew so I love it just cos it's from him. I also told him that he can just get me $10 and that would be perfectly fine. So aside from the organiser, he gave me $20 and he said that $10 was for my library fines!!! Can I have a sweeter brother?! I don't think so! No one has a better brother than me.

My parents got me a very expensive backpack that I could take to US next year but they said it was also for uni cos my other bag is ripping at the seams. I wish they didn't give me such an expensive one. I don't want to attract attention with it. They meant well of course and I love them for that but if it wasn't so expensive, I wouldn't feel as guilty for not wanting to wear it to uni.

Now everyone left to go to a BBQ with my other relatives. I didn't go because I'd just end up baby-sitting my hyperactive 5 year old cousin. I'm having a nice time relaxing at home. And it's not as hot inside.

Some couple that my Mum met through work is coming from another city to stay with us for a few days. I'm just glad I won't be home for that. I'll be working.

Well, that's my Christmas for this year. Not very exciting. I hope yours is more fun!

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

The girl in the photo looks like she's on drugs.

Forgetfulness Costs

I can't believe I forgot to renew my books!!! I don't want to pay $10!!! This is so stupid of me. I don't have spare cash! I know it's my fault which is why I'm so annoyed!!! Maybe I can use my brother's card and not pay the fines until next year. I wonder if there's an interest on them.

Christmas Party

I feel better now. Just came back from our Christmas party. Apart from Christine really getting on my nerves (April and I are getting tired of her rudeness), it was really nice.

After work yesterday, I went to April's house where Christine was already waiting for me. She drove April and me to Claudia's house.

Claud's dog is the cutest ever. It's one big ball of fluff. I forgot the breed but it's like a collie, only small and black and white. Last time I've seen him, he was a puppy so his fur wasn't as long as it is now. April was scared of him which was funny 'cause dogs can sense that. He was running around chasing her. It was the funniest scene.

I'd love to have a dog but since I've never had one, I wouldn't know how to take care of it properly. Not that my parents would let me have one anyway. When I was little, I used to want one but now I can see that having a pet requires a lot of time that no one in my family has. I guess I'll have to enjoy other people's pets.

Yesterday I realised that when I see dogs (or babies), I become so embarrassing and start talking in that annoying voice that people talk to dogs (and babies). I didn't know I had it in me to be like that but I couldn't help it.

We played cards. I was teaching the others how to play a really popular POBian game which actually requires a bit of thinking (because it's very different to popular Australian/American card games) and Christine kept saying how stupid the game was just because she didn't get it. That annoyed me more than I thought it would. Just because she didn't get it, didn't mean it was stupid. The others didn't really like it either (because they weren't used to that style of game) but at least they were polite enough to try and enjoy it.

That whole event made me think how people are so unwilling to try out new things. My Mum was just telling me the other day how difficult it is for middle-aged people to immigrate to another country because they are so used to their own one which was why she admired Nadine's parents to do that, even though she can't stand their personalities. I guess it all relates to people's unwillingness to change.

I read/saw somewhere that it's in people's instincts not to like change so it has a biological reason. But people have evolved so much that it would be nice if they were more open to it. Change is so important to the existence of life and the world.

Anyway, this is starting to sound like a bad English essay, especially that my year 11 topic was "Change".

I also ended up wrapping Claudia's Christmas presents from her parents. I thought that was a bit strange to wrap your own present from your family. Then it took all four of us to wrap Emma's present. That was fun.

After dinner we lounged around talking about songs that Claudia was reading from an ad in a TV guide for mobile phone rings. I love how I can talk with my friends about the most unimportant things. Christine sang all the ones that we forgot the tunes of. Although I still don't think she should embarrass herself by trying out for the next Australian Idol, she can definitely sing in tune.

Today in the morning, I strangely woke up early, although I went to sleep about 2am in the morning. This was probably 'cause my body is used to waking up early for work. After we managed to wake up Christine, we went to meet Amelia and Emma for our Christmas party. Saturday morning from 9:30 to 12:30 was the only time when all of us were free.

We went to have breakfast in some small empty Italian restaurant. The owner was obviously desperate for customers because as soon as we stopped to read the menu he came out and too enthusiastically invited us in to look at more menus:

"Girls! Let me cook you breakfast!"

I made April, Emma and Claudia wait outside because I don't particularly like places like that but then Christine waved for us to come in. I was annoyed enough at her as it was and wasn't too happy about her just making us go in but we didn't have much time so we decided to eat there.

The waiter/owner wouldn't shut up and kept asking Emma why she was so sad, just because she only ordered a drink. Personally, I can't stand when people think I'm sad when I'm not so I decided that I didn't like the guy. He also wouldn't shut up and was fully taking up our time with his pointless conversation.

"Are you uni students?! Because we have a special student menu! Here you go, have a look. But's it's actually $6.50, not $5 like it says on the brochure. And no, you can't get it today, you can only get it on weekdays! Oh, I see you are having a Christmas party! This is SO nice! Are you international students and have no family here? That's so nice that you're getting together for the special day! That is just SO nice!"

Hello, it's not Christmas today! Waiters just shouldn't be like that. Their job is to serve our food and leave us to talk. I think there was even an article about that in the Sunday paper a few weeks ago.

He also started asking me if I wanted everything that was included in the the menu item that I chose. What a stupid question. Of course I wanted everything that I was paying for. Amelia and Christine ordered the same thing but didn't get everything because I don't think they realised that when he asked them if they wanted bacon or fries, you could have both. That breakfast was the most fattening one I had in ages. It reminded me of a typical American one which I always wanted to have: eggs, toast, bacon, fries (well, he only put 2 on my plate), lettuce and sausages.

Emma didn't eat anything, as usual. I'm getting very worried. The first time I noticed I didn't say anything but yesterday I made it known to her that I noticed. This is reminding me of Nadine and her food problems. That's very scary. Emma is skinny enough as it is. I don't know what to do.

We exchanged presents. My mind went blank about the present that we all wrapped up yesterday and accidentally gave it to Amelia when it was for Emma. I felt really bad. I got a voucher from April, Emma and Amelia (for a bag which I need to pick myself) and a puzzle thing and another unwrapped one (which I'm sure is a USA travel guide) from Christine and Claudia.

After the meal we went to the markets but April, Emma and I soon went to a shopping centre to wait for the others. We are not very into wandering around stalls looking at things we won't buy. We sat in a food court and talked (mainly about me going to America).

We'll be probably having a New Year's Eve party at my house again. I don't mind. And most importantly my parents don't mind either.

WANTED: A Nice Surprise

Yesterday night, I was feeling emotional about not having a boyfriend so I messaged Max to ask him if he wanted to talk and maybe meet up some time in the near future to which he replied that he wasn't sure. So I asked him why he wasn't sure and when he will be because I didn't want to think that we'd meet soon when we never will. He still hasn't replied. Probably scared him off. I don't care. I'm sick of small talk that leads nowhere.

I'm generally sick of everything right now. Max has no right to start messaging me after months of not talking and then just cutting it off for no reason (that I know of). It drives me insane because I need to know where things are going and not be left hanging with question marks.

I went Christmas shopping with Nadine today. So that means that I saw her for the first time in 5 months. It sure didn't feel like it. Probably 'cause I don't need to see her more often since she depresses me. Although right now, everything depresses me. I depress myself. I'm bitter at everything. I was completely fine before Ben emailed him so technically it's his fault. And I would've been fine if he was older than me. So it's his parents fault that he was born a year after me. Yeah, I know I'm talking nonesense but that's how I feel. Nothing makes sense.

Nothing great has happened for ages. I need some nice surprise.

The Younger Guy

Ok, so Ben isn't just a few months younger. He's over a year younger. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. Thanks to my net stalking, I mean research skills, I have found out his date of birth. He has a whole profile of himself on MSN and ICQ. I also found out that he's interested in religion. I'm not sure if he's interested in it theoretically or if he takes part in the process. If he does, I won't feel so bad for disliking him because of his age.

I talked to April about it and she said that I should stop being stupid and not discriminate against him on the basis that he's almost 13 months younger. She pointed out that the wedding that she's going to this Saturday, the bride is a year older than then groom and they are perfect for each other.

Why do I have to annoy myself so much. I even forgave Max his lack of tertiary education but I can't forgive Ben his age. Why did he have to be born a year after me?!!! This is driving me insane. It's so hard to change my life-long principles.

I feel like a divorced middle aged woman looking for a 2nd husband who has to question everything she believes her partner should be like.

Ben asked to meet up. At first I didn't know if I should but then April convinced me. She said that she would. I guess I have nothing to lose. He may have suitable older friends. I'm selfish, I know.

Do you think it's weird to go out with a guy who's younger?

Dear Reader,

Is the content of my blog more interesting now than it was when I started, worse or the same?

More Depressing Stuff (Feel Free To Skip)

Nadine called today. I couldn't help myself and asked her if she was still going out with Jack. She said she wasn't but that they are still good friends. Just yesterday he invited her to go with him to a musical (which she loves). That just made me sick and feel even worse after I found out that Ben was younger than me.

You know that if I didn't get into the high school that I went, I would've went to the same one as Ben?

Everything is just too depressing.

Will I Ever Learn?!

Why, oh why do I have to get my hopes up about a guy? When did my hope ever lead to anything apart from disappointment?!

Ben is younger than me. Although most people would not care, I do. It just feels so extremely wrong to like a younger guy, even if he's only a few months younger. I think it's got something to do with having a younger brother.

I feel like crying because it was so hard to make myself not care about ever being in a relationship and then having all these doors open to having a boyfriend (even if it's not him, but one of his friends) and then having all that hope crashed.

It's just NOT fair. My life sucks.

Will Not Get My Hopes Up

I haven't written for a while, although it doesn't really feel like it.

I went to an allergy doctor last week who told me I might have a reaction to natural chemicals found in healthy food. It's the weirdest thing. He basically told me I should cut down on fruits and vegetables! Any child would only dream of such a diet and I probably would too if I was younger. But it's really difficult since I snack a lot and it's not too good to snack on junk food. I'm supposed to only stay on this diet for a month. For now it doesn't seen to be helping.

Remember the guy to whom my Mum gave my phone number? Well, it turned out that she also gave him my email address. I only wish she'd told me because I almost thought his email was junk mail and deleted it. Maybe it's a sign that I should forget about him. Andrew thinks it's a sign that I shouldn't.

After I replied, he sent me a pic of himself. He looked like a mass murderer who escaped jail. I had to remind myself that at least he doesn't look like a girl (as in the case of Jesse).

It's so hard now to maintain my new attitude towards being single when it's so easy to get my hopes up with all these guys around. Yeah, I still keep in contact with Max. And I'm becoming friends with this guy at work, Cam. He's the first guy who I can genuinely say that I like only as a friend. I love being able to be completely myself with him and not get shy because I'm attracted to him or anything. Because I'm not, even though he's the first Asian guy who I think is cute. And smart. And funny. And totally religious which is why I would never go out with him. I'm thinking of introducing him to April.

I watched Bachelor 4 and Bachelorette yesterday. How could I not? First of all, I don't understand why anyone likes Bob. So he does have a bit of a sense of humour, so what? He is so up himself and self-centred and totally blasé as he proved to be at Ryan's bachelor party. Ryan, on the other hand is a sweetie. Yeah, he is a bit overly sensitive and emotional but that's ok. He is such a teddy bear and I want to give him a hug. I don't particularly like Trista but she might be a really nice person if I knew her better. I felt sorry for her sister. She was so human looking and stood out among model looking people.

Chewing Gum

I've heard that chewing gum a lot can really ruin your stomach. Is this true? Cause I chew gum all the time.

New Attitude Growing Strong Amidst Empty Hopes.

I love unexpected things, but only if they are good ones of course!

On Friday, my Mum was trying to be a TV show Mum by letting me know that I could tell her stuff about guys. I knew that already, but why would I want to?

Actually, it is nice to know that I could talk to her. It's just every time I do talk to her about my non-existent boyfriend situation, I just get all depressed.

It all started with me telling her my exciting USA trip plans and how after that I wanted to visit other places. But can I talk to Mum about the future without her turning it into my future family life? Of course not.

So she started saying how I shouldn't forget, to slot in between all my travels, to find a husband. I told her (as I usually do) that it's not something I can plan. And she said that it's exactly a plan, just because she found my Dad that way. I told her that there's no way that I'm asking acquaintances to introduce me to guys. That's just too embarrassing. So she had to use the example of her high school best friend who laughed at my Mum when she was asking people to introduce her to potential husbands and she ended up with an alcoholic and has a horrible life now.

I told her that it was just not that easy, especially for me, to find a guy that I would really like and she said that she doesn't mean to pressure me but it's just something I should think about because she doesn't want me to end up alone. I seriously felt like crying. As if I don't think about that almost 24/7 anyway! I'm freaking tired thinking about it.

So I decided that I don't care if I never get married and it's not so bad living alone. I'll still have my friends and work and hobbies. I will be able to do whatever I want, whenever I feel like it. It's actually a kind of a selfish lifestyle. Maybe I will adopt and help out a needy child to make my life less self-centred. Who knows. I managed to convince myself that it won't be so bad.

The next day, I went to work with my new attitude, not in my best mood but getting used to the idea. So instead of having a boring day where I can just get so involved in my routine that I wouldn't have to think about anything, a number of encounters had to happen to make it harder for me to see my future single life as enjoyable.

Encounter #1: During my break, another girl/lady/woman (whatever) was having her break at the same time. Somehow we got talking about going overseas and she said that she was going to POB (where I was born). That surprised me a bit because why would anyone want to go there, especially to the parts that she was going. So she told me how she grew up hanging out with people from POB. Where the hell did she find them? I'm from there and I don't hang around with POBian people simply because I don't know that many (apart from Nadine and a few others).

She then proceeded to tell me that there are a lot of POBians at work. No one I know. Her ex-boyfriend is one of them. She thought he was sitting behind us but then she said that he must've left so she started telling me what an idiot he was. But as soon as we were leaving, it turned out that he was sitting there so he must've heard us. Oops.

Anyway, she introduced us. I was so excited to be introduced to a POBian guy but he obviously wasn't so I didn't get a good first impression. Plus he looked too old for me anyway. But a thought came to my mind that she might introduce me to more POBian guys! I had to push that hope away because I know that hope only leads to disappointment.

Encounter #2: I was having a nice time chatting with my new work friends when an EXTREMELY hot guy customer asks me for help. Of course, I try not to act too differently to how I normally would just 'cause he's so good looking 'cause he didn't do anything to get his good genes. He asked me where all our expensive stuff was. After that, I thought, "Rich Snob". After I showed him stuff that's around $100, he told me it looked too tacky. Obviously the guy doesn't understand what really tacky things look like. I didn't hold it against him. I asked him what sort of thing was he looking for. He said that he needed to get a present for his Mum and he wanted to get something nice. "Rich Snob" label disappeared immediately and was replaced by "Mama's Boy". I showed some classy things which weren't too expensive and told him that he could just buy a lot of things and that would be expensive. That was my bad attempt at a joke but he laughed anyway. I then asked him what price range he was looking at. He said that it's not that he wants something specificly expensive, just something that 'looked' expensive. I could completely relate to his way of thought and removed all labels, apart from "Hot Guy" because I couldn't take that away from him.

He then asked me what my favourite thing was. I stupidly started babbling how I've been around all those things for so long that it all looked the same to me. Later, I thought that I should've just picked anything. Maybe he would've bought it for me. But that's just me getting carried away. He could've thought I had horrible taste.

Anyway, I gave him an idea that he could get her one of those personalised Christmas decorations and he said that he'd come tomorrow and get it ('cause the person that does them wasn't there at the time). Too bad I wasn't working on Sunday so I could see if he came or not.

I know he probably has a girlfriend or he's too old. (I can never tell whether a guy is 22 or 27.) Most importantly, I will never see him again.

Encounter #3: After work, I caught the train with some people from work, including Patrick. He probably doesn't have a tertiary education but he seems really nice and who am I to guess his education level. It was fun talking with him (and the others).

When I got home, I had to remind myself that those encounters are just false hopes and there's no point in wallowing in them, hoping that they are a glimpse of a more promising future.

Nothing Interesting (For You)

I haven't written for a while because I was very busy with work and stuff (i.e. did not feel like writing). I've been really enjoying my holidays (and why wouldn't I). No more assignments, just work but at least I get money for that. I have been getting quite a few shifts which I'm happy about because I really need money for my next year's trip to the US which is becoming more of a reality with each day.

I talked to Nadine yesterday and she was telling me about her US trip plans. (She's going in a month.) Although at first I was really disappointed that she decided to go with someone else, now I'm quite happy about it because we want to do completely different things there so we would've just got annoyed at each other. I really wanted to ask her if she was still going out with Jack but it didn't come up.

April came over yesterday so we could decide about our movie but of course as usual, when we have to think of something at right that moment, our minds go blank and when we have to go, we get lots of ideas. So when she went home, we had to talk on the phone anyway. Sometimes, it just seems pointless to want to have anything of ours to be produced for TV. Without a great (not just good) idea, we have nothing.

Well, we set ourselves goals to write 15 pages each week so we could at least finish our movie by the end of this year. Even if it's bad, at least we'll have something finished.

Imagination Frustration

I think I'm finally realising that April and I have about 1% chance of getting our TV show on TV. The most practical way (I can think of) to get into 'the business' is to make a short film and submit it into some competition and hopefully it will be well liked. Then enter as many competitions as possible in the hope of winning some. Then send a movie script to all studios in the hope that someone might notice it. Meanwhile try to get any job (volunteer even!) at some film set (even if it's some film that will never be big). Then and ONLY then will we have a bigger chance of getting our TV show produced. Another way is to try to make the TV show into a book series which hopefully will become popular and then create the TV show.

So the first step is to make a short film. April and I have been trying to think of a good one for months and we can't come up with ANYTHING that will have a chance of winning. I think our imaginations are declining with every day. The annoying thing is that we have overload of ideas for the TV show. Our creativity is going down the wrong channel.

The annoying thing is that even if we get to have our TV show on TV, it will probably be changed so much that it won't be ours anymore.

This is SO frustrating!

"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
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What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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My Nice Work Day: Paradox

Work was fun today! I know, that's quite unusual.

I was told to look after 2 employees. It felt weird having women (40 and 20 years older) asking me what I wanted them to do. And they were overly nice, the way you are nice to managers. It felt so weird! But having a bossy nature, I couldn't help but enjoy every second of it!

April and Claudia came to visit me today and we had lunch together. That's always nice! It's nice of them to come out just to see me! Love them.

Then Jeremy (the gossipy team leader) was nice to me. Actually you won't believe what he told me last week (I think). He said that he always asks me to do stuff because he knows that I will do it well and 'cause I'm the most reliable. What an unexpected compliment! Of course he had to turn it into gossip by saying that the other casual, Tamara (who is a very nice girl) isn't reliable at all. I tried to defend her and say that he won't give her a chance but he just said that he'd rather just ask me. How would you feel if someone is being nice to you at the expense of saying bad stuff about another person?

Anyway, today he asked me how old I was, again. Is it that hard to remember?! He then asked if I drink. What do you think?! He then said, "You should come out with us sometime". Now, on one hand I'm happy he asked but knowing him, I started wondering that if he knew more about me, he'd have more to gossip about. I should've asked him, "Who's us?" but I didn't think of it at the time. I wouldn't mind going out with them to see what kind of people 'us' is but I've been told by one other girl to never go out with them (the last time he asked me) 'cause she made that mistake once. She said it in a joking way so I don't know what she meant. I don't even like Jeremy that much but I need to meet more people.

And you won't believe what happened when I was going home! I was waiting for the train when I heard Jeremy's voice. I checked and it was him with Patrick (the other guy who works with me and the one that I thought had boyfriend potential). They didn't see me and I didn't feel like running after them when the platform was so crowded. What are the chances of both of them living on the same train line as me?!

Stuffed Comments

My comments thing is SO stuffed! Does anyone know where I can get comments that work?

Relatable Quotes

I can not believe that I finished that assignment yesterday!!!

But now I have to study for an exam on Friday, ugh. I've studied some in the morning so now I'm taking a break.

Not much to report from here.

Chatted with April yesterday about the depressing reality of never getting married. We've started a collection of things that we can relate to about our problem. One of them is the new Robbie Williams's song "Something Beautiful". The lyrics go like this:

You can't manufacture a miracle
The silence was pitiful that day.
A love is getting too cynical
Passion's just physical these days
You analyze everyone you meet
But get no sign, love ain't kind
every night you admit defeat
and cry yourself blind

If you can't wake up in the morning
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it, try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way

The DJ said on the radio
Life should be stereo, each day
In the past you cast the unsuitable
Instead of some kind of beautiful, you just couldn't wait
All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul no, no, no
Forgot the time feeling petrified, when they lived alone

How I can relate...

April sent me this quote from 'Friends':

Rachel
Okay! Y’know what? I realized it was stupid to get upset about not having a husband and kids. All I really needed was a plan. See I wanna have three kids...

Phoebe
Oh let me guess, and you wanna have them all at the same time and you wanna have them for your brother.

Rachel
As I was saying... I should probably have the first of the three kids by the time I’m 35 which gives me five years. I love this plan! I wanna marry this plan!

Phoebe
If you could do that, I’d marry the hippity-hop.

Rachel
So, if I wanna have my kid when I’m 35, I don’t have to get pregnant until I’m 34. Which gives Prada four years to start making maternity clothes! Oh wait, but I do want to be married for a year before I get pregnant.

Monica
Really! That long?! (Chandler slowly turns and looks at her.)
(To Chandler) Look all you want, it’s happening!

Rachel
No, so I don’t have to get married until I’m 33! That’s three years, that’s three whole years...Oh, wait a minute though. I’ll need a year and a half to plan the wedding, and I’d like to know the guy for a year, year and a half before we get engaged… Which means I need to meet the guy by the time I’m thirty.

I love 'Friends'! Andrew taped that episode so I'm going to watch it.

Here are some more from "While You Were Sleeping":

- Or have you ever, like, seen somebody and you knew that if only that person really knew you, they would... Well, they would, of course, dump the perfect model that they were with and, and realize that you were the one that they wanted to just grow old with. Have you ever fallen in love somebody you haven't even talked to?

- Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan.

- Well, we've, we've never actually spoken. But I know someday we will. I know it.

- I just know it. And I know that someday I will find a way to introduce myself.

- And and then that's gonna be perfect. Just like my prince.

Omitting The Truth Or A Lie?

I feel like I'm lying to April about Max. Our little club that we created where we support each other about our guyless lives seems like a lie (on my behalf). If she had some guy friend that she felt weird or confused about and didn't mention anything, I'd feel betrayed. Yet I'm doing the exact same thing.

I don't know why I'm so secretive about him. I shouldn't feel embarrased about him but I do. It's partly because of the way I met him (or to be more accurate - didn't meet him) and partly that he has no tertiary education and has a mind-numbing job. Am I being narrow-minded and superficial or realistic?

Something Different

Guess what I did on Saturday night?

I've talked with Max on the phone for over 2 hours!!!

And the weird thing was that he talked for most of the time. After the first time I talked with him on the phone, he was so quiet that I felt really awkward and didn't think it was possible to talk to him for that long. I'm glad I decided to try talking with him on the phone again.

I can only talk on the phone for so long to my close friends so it was amazing that we talked for that much without me even realising.

I’m now 99.99% sure that he’s not a psycho killer after what he was talking about. And he’s one of those people that can make not very funny stories funny and not everyone can do that. My attempt at that yesterday made me wish I didn’t start telling him my story. It just sounded completely irrelevant.

And he talks as fast as me. I had to be fully alert to understand what he was saying.

Anyway, the whole thing was weird on one hand but so normal on the other.

I wonder what will happen next…

New Hobby

I've got a new hobby - downloading free piano sheets from the net. It's actually not completely new. I used to do this a while ago.

When I have lots of work, one of my procrastination ways is to play piano. I used to hate practising when my Mum made me do those piano grades but now it has a calming effect.

When I was studying for my end of high school exams, I used to play piano all the time and now I'm getting back to that phase again.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World.

Someone, please make me do my assignment!!! It was due yesterday and although I've been doing it since Monday, it doesn't seem anywhere near finished. I haven't been staying up though. I've given myself more work than was needed and now I'm paying for it. I really wanted to get this done well so I could put it into my portfolio but I'm starting to rush it so all the extra work at the beginning is wasted. Argh!!!

Yesterday, Max messaged me again and it got me thinking. Max would make such a good match for Nadine 'cause they both irritate me but I can't help but like being around them. And they are both of the same intellect level, both are sensitive and emotional, both like to party, both are a bit naive, both are very kind. Yet, I know that they would never go out together. They've talked with each other and didn't think much of the other.

And then there are Nadine's boyfriends (well, the last 2). They are so much more suited to me than to her and yet they like her, while Max likes me.

The world is mad. It's illogical and makes no sense. Absolutely crazy.

Anyway, back to my assignment.

Work Pains. Strangers. Travel.

I've neglected my blog for a while. There were just too many assignments to do while talking to April (on MSN). I can't do everything at once!

Anyway, I've had work today. I'm so sick of retail! How can people stand working all their lives in a shop? I guess some have no choice but still!

As I've realised, it's your work mates that make your work either bearable or impossible to withstand. I like this job's much better than the bookstore one but some of the people I don't particularly like. I don't think they know the meaning of being friendly. Every time I say or ask them (a few girls) something, they either ignore me or give me looks as if I killed someone. Not everyone there is like that though. Some are very nice but they weren't working today. And Jeremy is such a pest. He tries to be funny but he is just so immature and says the stupidest things. He irritates me so much. He tries to boss me around 'cause he's been there for longer and I have to do what he asks 'cause the managers listen to him and I don't want him to gossip to them about me (since gossiping to him is like breathing to everyone else). Argh!!!

April is not having such a good time at her store either since all the middle aged women there are really condescending which I can totally imagine. Now she knows how I felt when I worked at the bookstore.

I really need a proper job!

Well, enough about jobs. At least you get money for working (even if it's not much).

In other news, Max messaged me today. Don't know how I should feel about that. It's like I get the same message from him every few months :

Hey stranger. How you been? I've been busy with work and all.

God, grammatical mistakes irritate me! He is a little irritation in itself. (No grammatical errors here!)

After exchanging a couple of messages, he hasn't replied again so I'm guessing I won't hear from him for another few months.

Hey, did I tell you that my Mum gave some guy my number a few weeks back? Well, he hasn't called. Surprise, surprise.

April and I have decided that we have some curse that prevents us from getting boyfriends. We have analysed our situation to bits over and over again and have come to the conclusion that we might not ever get boyfriends.

It's so nice to be able to talk to her about it. Andrew doesn't have to hear my complaints as much anymore.

Christine visited me yesterday at work. That was a pleasant surprise. Jeremy kept looking my way suspiciously, as if he never talks to anyone. All he does all day is chat and gossip.

I should stop turning this entry into one about work since I've had enough of it.

I'll change the subject to something more pleasant, such as going to USA next year with Lauren! Just thinking about it gets me so excited! I've always wanted to go to America since so much revolves around it. I just absolutely can't wait! Does anyone have any travelling tips that might be useful?

Request/Suggestion

Just a little comment for bloggers who want their readers to enjoy their entries and actually read them: please don't write pages of words in one long paragraph in tiny font and clashing colours. It kills the eyes!

You know that internal jumpy feeling that you get when you go up in a lift and then it stops suddenly? I feel the same when Fabian is around. I wish he'd just evaporate into thin air.

Just out of curiousity, how many people, that started reading my blog in the first few month of its existence, still read it now?

The Long Awaited Planning

Lauren and I are now actively planning our trip to US. I couldn't be more excited! Especially that she doesn't care where we go and I love planning the itinerary! If anyone has been there, which places are not to be missed?

The Australian dollar has been rising. I wonder if I should exchange some money now, in case it will go down next year.

Sophia might be coming with us too which would be great!

I'm so excited about it since I've wanted to go for so extremely long! And it'll be even better than going with Nadine.

The Immature Gossiping Brat That I Have To Work With

Jeremy, the annoying gossiping 18 year old from work is so irritating to work with! And he works almost every day! (I asked.) He told me that I'm very defensive and you know what I said?!! I said, "No I'm not!". How stupid could I get! I should've added, "Just kidding" but as the nature of all good comebacks, I think of them too late.

He kept asking me to tell him a joke and I think just telling a joke for no reason is never that funny. He told me his (which I missed the beginning of but since I've heard of it before, I knew what it was about) and it wasn't funny at all. And after I told him that timing is really important for something to be funny, he said that delivery is more important which is ironic, cos his delivery wasn't good, and wasn't helped by a childish joke.

He also asked me what music I liked and when I said rock, he said, "But you're too quiet for a rock chick." What the hell?! Who said you have to be loud to like rock?

Anyway, he's such an immature little brat.

Darren, Delta and Amiel

Has anyone seen the ARIAs? Yes, that annual show that presents Australian music 'talent'. I've only watched it once, when Savage Garden took like 11 awards. I'm not really a fan of many Aussie bands. Anyway, I caught a glimpse of this year's show and who did I see but Darren Hayes singing Delta Goodrem's "Lost Without You". I know some people don't particularly like him but Savage Garden was my favourite band when it existed and I love Darren Hayes's voice so I was pleasantly surprised to see that he is still singing. And no matter what some people say, Delta Goodrem has an amazing voice too. I think she'd really suit Disney cartoon's songs 'cause it has some sort of magical quality to it.

It's very rare that a band/singer comes out that I just absolutely love, especially from Australia. Savage Garden was one of them. I would really like Delta if maybe I was a bit younger 'cause her songs don't have a lot of depth to them. Does anyone know if Amiel won anything? I really like her song "Obsession". She probably would win awards if Delta wasn't in the same categories. She picked a bad year for her songs. If I were her, I would be very annoyed.

Christine is online now. Amazing! She's usually out with her boyfriend on Saturday night. Come to think of it, she's out with him almost every night.

Work People

Had to work today. Some people that I've met were so bitchy. There was an 18 year old guy and 20-something year old girl/woman making fun of other people the whole time. I didn't want to leave them, in case they'd start bitching about me. I know, I shouldn't care what they think but I can't help it. I want people to like me.

The good thing that happened was after the 18 year old guy finished talking to some 24 year old guy, the 24 year old said to me, "Who was the weird guy?" And I thought they knew each other!

The 20-something year old woman was very snobby. She completely ignored me and wasn't helpful at all. I'm so used to being around nice people (at uni and from school) that I forget that not everyone is friendly.

Click here for some short and sweet poems.

My Life Is A Bad Movie

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a boring movie, waiting anxiously for something interesting to happen and see how it’s all going to end. My life is so ordinary. Actually, that’s an overstatement. An ordinary life would be a nice thing to have ‘cause that would mean that I would have a boyfriend.

I started my job. I’ve met a lot of new people, including a nice guy. I’ve only worked there for two days and I’m already sabotaging my plan of getting a boyfriend. On Monday, there was a really nice guy who would make a nice friend (at least) but I didn’t even come and talk to him, unless I had to. While irritating myself in this fashion, I came to the conclusion that the reason I didn’t come up to just talk to him was because I didn’t want to have awkward silences and I was afraid that would happen because I had nothing to say to him.

Procrastinating Again

I have so much stuff to do but all I want to do is read. When I went to return some of my books yesterday, I couldn't help but borrow another one, although I have enough to read as it is. I still haven't finished Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. When I go to the library I get really overwhelmed to be surrounded by so much information. It was really quiet there (not surprisingly, considering it was Friday early evening). It was the only time I have to go to the library. Actually, I don't even have the time then 'cause there's so much uni work to do, especially that I'll be working tomorrow and on Monday. Speaking of which, I'm a bit nervous about it. I hope it will be all right, not like for April. Although it will not be such a new thing for me to have bad managers. Unlike her, I have experience with ignorant people who don't know how to deal with people.

Changing Tastes

I have never been a vegetable person. Tomatoes, potatoes, cucumbers and raw carrots were as far as my vegetable intake went. But my tastes has changed drastically since my Aunt came. She made the most delicious dish using eggplant (the most gross name for a vegetable, in my opinion). Now I'm addicted to it. I can eat it all day when before I wouln't touch it. The same thing happened to rice, a few years back. When I was little, I hated rice but when my Grandma came to stay with us and made it, I've been eating it ever since. It's weird how a person's tastes can change so much. Maybe when I get older, I might start to hate chocolate, bread and pizza.

The Nerdy Guy. Work Deja Vu

Have you ever felt like you've been shown something that could be really great and then taken away, never to be seen again?

Well, I feel like that's about to happen to me. I haven't mentioned Jesse here because I didn't think he was worth mentioning. He is in one of my groups for one of my assignments. At first I thought he looked really girly (no, it's not the girly guy that I mentioned before) and just wasn't someone I'd consider cute. But then he turned out to be a really smart and nice guy who pays attention to me. And he's really easy to talk to! Finally a guy who I can talk normally with. He's a bit nerdy but that kind of makes him easy to be around. He is not immature like the other guys.

We won't be doing this group assignment for 2 weeks, so I won't be able to talk to him before then. And after this semester, I'll never see him again 'cause he finishes uni this year. Not fair!

I went shopping with my Aunt and Mum today to get stuff for Yvonne (my cousin) and they were making me trying stuff to see if it'll fit her 'cause she's the same built as me (except 175cm). I thought it was going to be really annoying 'cause I don't particularly like trying stuff on. It just gets tiring. But it wasn't too bad.

I went to visit April on her first day at her job. She was counting minutes till the end. She was stuck folding clothes all day. Oh, the life of a retail sales person! Now she knows how I felt working at the bookstore (although the work was more interesting). She was stuck with some 50 year old lady who was never happy with anything she did. Doesn't that sound familiar!

Here's what I got in my email today:

Dear Sky
[My student] is not rebooking u for tutoring at this stage but will probably need u again at some time. Mrs [student's surname] said u were really great
Thanks, [Tutoring Agency Woman]

What the hell does that mean?! Was she saying it to be nice or what did she mean by needing me again at some time?

Well, I don't mind now. I'm a bit over tutoring. And I have to start the other job this weekend already so I won't need tutoring anymore.

April vs Nadine

I forgot to mentions that April and I made up after our 'almost fight'. We talked about it and agreed to be honest from now on, so if she doesn't want to do something she'll tell me straight away, instead of cancelling at the last moment and that I'll let her know if I'm annoyed at her for whatever reason. She also said that since we were being honest, she said that she was upset at me when I decided not to have a double birthday party at the last minute. I just knew it!

Anyway we're both over it since we discussed it. That's the good thing about April. She likes to have things in the open, rather than keeping things to yourself and then having it piled up until one day it all bursts. With Nadine, she didn't really notice when I got annoyed at her and so I just end up being bitter towards her. Haven't spoken to her for ages. It's wierd that I don't even miss talking to her.

The Club

April and I only talk about our non-existent boyfriends now. It’s like a club now. It’s so nice to know that I’m not the only one who is so frustrated with the whole situation. Maybe I can go to POB. There it’s the norm to be married in your early 20s and most couples get married after a year or so. And although that seems ridiculous, most couples are very happy. I’m still not sure how that works. I think that the way they see it is if they find a deep connection with someone, they don’t wait. They see no point in waiting. My parents only knew each other for a year and they are very well suited. Maybe it’s because lots of people in POB are very deep and intense (from the hard lifestyles). If you talk to a person from POB, you’d straight away notice how deep their thoughts are. I’m not saying that everyone is like that. Lots of people there who live in horrible conditions don’t have any thoughts but the people that my family is around with are like that. Although if I meet a guy there I won’t have a lot in common with him ‘cause we were brought in completely different environments.

It’d be perfect to go out with a guy from POB who grew up here, but I don’t know any.

Family Saga

Well, the last few days have been interesting. On Friday, my Aunt Ingrid (Mum’s sister) and Grandpa (Mum’s Dad) have come over from overseas. I don’t want to say which country so people that I know won’t easily recognise me (if they happen to stumble on this). I’ll just say that it’s in Europe. From now on I will refer to it as POB (place of birth).

Anyway, I got heaps of presents from my relatives there. My Mum and I were amazed at how much stuff they got for us. It felt like it was my birthday or something. My cousins (Ingrid’s kids), Gordon (17yrs) and Yvonne (16yrs) got us some CDs of European Pop. It all sounds like something you’d hear on Eurovision. I love it!

And the clothes they got us are so European. You won’t find anything like it here in Australia. All very stylish (but not over the top, except one yellow coat/jacket for Mum which made her look like an egg. I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw it). It made me a bit nostalgic and miss my relatives. Yvonne, Gordan, Andrew and I used to play together all the time when we spent the weekend at our grandparents. Being the oldest, the others followed me around and so we ended up getting to a lot of mischief. The good old times…

Ingrid and Grandpa also brought a wedding video of a woman who stayed with us for a while when she was in Australia. This woman is a niece of an extremely famous POBian person. My Dad said that he’s almost equivalent of Sinatra. Yes, that’s how famous he is. At the wedding there were all those famous film producers, musicians, actors, doctors, lawyers etc. I just can’t believe that our family in POB moves in such high social circles. If I was in POB, I would have so many connections! I would just be able to chat to famous film producers to see if April and my film scripts are any good and if they have a chance. They’d be able to give me advice.

Also, all the stories that Ingrid was telling us sounded like a soap-opera. My 3rd cousin (who’s 22) who is in another European country was married twice and engaged three times already! And this girl is the most saddest person. When she came to my grandparents once, when the four of us were there, I decided that I didn’t like her and since then the other three don’t like her.

I’ll give you an example of what she did. She stole stuff without even knowing. How stupid can you be?! She blamed it on her first husband and divorced him. So now she has a criminal record and can’t get a proper job. So she doesn’t work at all. She’s so lazy. She goes to her mother’s home to have dinner and then goes to sleep without helping. And she complains that she gets really tired all the time. Her current husband goes to work at 5am so she has to wake up to give him breakfast and that’s the only work she does for the whole day.

And Ingrid was telling us how with every husband/fiancé she says that she’s madly in love with them and marries them after a month of knowing them. And then cries when they break up that she can’t live without them.

I remember when she was little she’d sit on my grandma’s sofa all day and boss her around -
“Can you get me a blanket, I’m cold!”
”Can you bring me some food, I’m hungry!”
”No, I don’t want this, do you have any cakes?”
“I don’t like this one, can you buy me another one?”
“Your grandchildren are bothering me! They are being mean!”
“Can you tell them to stop laughing, they are being too loud. I’m getting a headache.”

No wonder we didn’t like her. I was so happy when Grandma told her to get up and stop whinging.

How can someone like her find three guys to marry her?! While I can’t find one!

This is just one of many stories that I’ve been hearing for the last few days. I’ve been completely distracted by it all.

Also, it’s so funny to see my Mum with her younger sister. She becomes all bossy and older sistery. Ingrid is really bubbly and was giggling with me when Mum told us off for something minor. Ingrid and Mum are so cute together. Although they’re 40 now, they acted like little school girls gossiping about all of our relatives.

And Grandpa hasn’t been as irritating as I expected. He was extremely nice and happy to be here. He doesn’t want to go back to POB. The first time he came here and went back, Grandma said that he was really depressed to be back. POB is not exactly a nice country to live in. There’s a lot of racism and just the law doesn’t really do anything. You can bribe anyone, even police. Culturally it’s very well developed but in other aspects it’s lacking a lot.

Backward Conversations. Family Visitors.

I finally went to that dancing class yesterday! With Christine who was 20 minutes late (not surprisingly). It was just what I expected - the best fun! I got the biggest high from it. I wouldn't mind going every week if it was more convenient to get to. I was so glad that I didn't have to get the train afterwards 'cause Christine gave me a lift home which was nice of her since it's a bit out of her way. On the way back we stopped at her boyfriend's house so she could pick up some of her stuff. I waited in the car but when she came back out, he came with her and you know what I said?

I said, "Hi, good." (Almost in the style of Effie, who irritates the hell out of me.) As if he asked me how I was! I think my brain was moving too fast for everything around me so I said it automatically because I expected him to ask me how I was. He then asked, "How are you?" Man, that was weird! It was like a conversation played backwards. It's good that it was only Evan since I couldn't care less what I say to him. Although I'm being nicer to him now for Christine's sake. If he makes her happy, that's all that matters, not that he was her tutor when they started going out (3 years ago, I think), almost 10 years older than her. I'm sure it bordered on illegal.

The weird thing was in the morning when I called my Grandma to ask her about her little birthday celebration today, the first thing she said was, "Hi, thank you!" and I laughed and said, "For what?" Then when I went to her house in the afternoon, I realised why she said it. It was her birthday!!! Her brain was ahead of her and she assumed that I called to wish her a happy birthday. And I completely forgot! I kept thinking that since we were celebrating it today, it was today, not yesterday. I was so embarrassed so I bought her some flowers which surprised her since we usually get her a present from the whole family. She was then telling me to tell my Mum not to get her any more flowers but I said that if she wanted to get her more flowers, I wasn't going to stop her.

I also got some for my Mum 'cause I kept wanting to get her something for a while to show that I don't have to get her things just on Mother's Day when the Media tells me to. She was pleasantly surprised, which was my aim.

I also got my work shirt for tomorrow's training session. April and I are going to the same one, even though we'll be working in different stores. It doesn't fit properly but I liked the style. It has really wide shoulders and really narrow sleeves. What kind of person would have big shoulders and skinny arms? Is it even possible to have both non-excusively?

I hope the training goes well and that April and I will be on normal speaking terms (not on polite ones). I'll have to tell her that I misinterpreted what Christine told me and she can actually come clubbing on Friday. I hope she won't think that I made that up. Although I wouldn't mind going out on Friday night, I have too much work that I should be doing. And that's not an excuse. And I know they won't go without me cause it's usually not a good idea to go into crowded clubs with only two people. (Amelia is working and Claudia said she has lots of uni work, although she might be finished by then).

My Grandpa (Mum's Dad) and my Aunt Ingrid (Mum's sister) is coming from overseas to stay with us. Aunt Ingrid is only coming for about 2 weeks but my Grandpa is staying with us for 6 months! I think I might go crazy cause he'll be staying in our study (where the computer is) so I don't know how I'll be doing work late at night since he would want to sleep then. And also this Grandpa's habits really get on my nerves so when he stayed with us before, I always used to be in a really prickly mood and would snap at everything and everyone. He means well but argh, he can be so irritating!

After he'll leave, my Grandma (Mum's Mum) is supposed to come over. She's all right cause she has a talent for making any story absolutely hilarious and having everyone in stitches from laughing. My only problem with her is that she's very prying and I just don't want to tell her every detail of my non-existing life. When I was little and used to tell her stuff, she'd always blab everything that I told her to our other relatives and her friends. So I learnt my lesson.

Anyway, the next few months should be relatively eventful.

Almost a Fight

April and I just had the closest to a fight that we ever did.

I wanted to see if her uni group meeting today was a real excuse for not going to the dance class or just a convenient one. I asked if she wanted to go tomorrow with Christine and I but she said that she should do her work. I then said that we won't be going clubbing on Friday like we planned because the others can't come and after she acted upset, I asked if she wanted to go anyway. When she said yes, I suggested that we go to the dance class instead since we go to both for the same reason - dancing. And then she started saying that she should probably do her uni work. If she doesn't want to go, why can't she just say so?!

I told her that I'd rather she told me now that she won't go, rather than a few hours before because that gets annoying. She then defensively asked when did she ever do that before? And I hate when people ask me to give examples of similar past events because I can never think of any from the top of my head. I just know that it has happened because once is never annoying, it's when a person continously does it, then it gets irritating.

So now we're not talking.

Cancellation

I just knew it! April can't come to the dancing class. Argh!!! This is annoying. I guess it's not really her fault since she has a group meeting at uni, but still! How convenient! She said that Christine might be going but she's driving there and she usually comes half an hour late so it's the same as just going by myself. At least if it was close by, I'd go by myself but I don't feel like travelling for 40 (if not more) minutes to go alone. Maybe we can go tomorrow...

Archive Check

Can everyone please check if the links to my archived entries work or not. Let me know by posting your answer in the comments. I would really appreciate it!

I'll do the forward that she sent me here.

1. What's your full name? Can't say here.

2. What are you wearing? Navy track pants and grey and blue sports top.

3. What are you listening to right now? Silence. Can't decided what I want to listen to. Actually, I was just listening to the typing of the keys.

4. Last four digits of your phone number? who cares?!

5. What was the last thing you ate? a meat pattie, rye toast and some vegetables.

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Dark blue.

7. Where do you plan to go on your honeymoon? I haven't planned that because I'm not sure if I'll be having a honeymoon since you need to get married in order to have one.

8. Last person you talked to on the phone? My Mum.

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? What they say (if they talk) or their height and face (if they don't).

10. Your favorite drink? That yummy apple & strawberry juice or (Cherry) Coke.

11. Favorite alcoholic drink? One that has the least alcohol.

12. Favorite sport to play? Dancing, if that counts as a sport. If not, then ice-skating.

13. Favorite sport to watch? Dancing or figure skating.

14. What's the next CD you're going to get? None. I dowload music from the net.

15. Did you ever wear braces? No, thankfully!

16. Best memories? The ones spent with close friends and family.

17. Do you wear contacts? No.

18. Siblings and their ages? One brother, Andrew, who's 16.

19. Favorite month(S)? August because the weather is nice and because there's still half a year left.

20. Favorite food? chocolate, pizza and fresh bread. Mmmm......

21. Last movie you watched? Finding Nemo.

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yes. *Sigh*

23. Do you like scary or happy movies better? Depends on my mood. I guess I usually prefer happy ones.

24. Summer or winter? Winter, for sure!

25. Relationship or one night stands? Relationships.

26. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate.

27. Who is most likely to respond? I'm not sending this to anyone so no one will respond.

28. Who is least likely to respond? Everyone, since I'm not sending it.

29. What books are you reading? Lots. Can't be bothered typing. I should update the column on the right.

30. What's on your mouse pad? Don't have one.

31. Favorite magazine(S)? Changes from time to time. I haven't bought any for ages. But I guess I like girly mags.

32. Favorite smell? The smell of fresh bread.

33. Least favorite smell? Gross smells.

34. Worst feeling in the world? Loneliness and physical pain.

35. How many rings before you answer the phone? Depends how close I am to the phone, but at least one I guess.

36. Future child's name? James, Mark, Alina... They change from time to time.

37. Favorite movie? American Beauty, Amelie.

38. What's under your bed? Carpet.

39. Glass half empty or half full? Half full. Before I used to say both but it makes more sense to me if it's half full 'cause I think of stuff being poured in, rather than out.

40. What is your favorite number? 25

41. One nice thing about the person that sent this to U? sometimes she can make me feel really good.

42. Many friends or one best friend? A few very close friends.

43. Favorite current TV shows? Friends. Other non-current favourites are Ally McBeal, Once And Again, Felicity.

44. Name one funny thing that happened today? I'm having a funny conversation with April on MSN right now.

45. Have you ever been in love? No.

Now, it's your turn. Answer these questions on your site and send me the site's address or post them on my message board or email your answers to me!

Green

Just got an email from Nadine. Not really an email but a forward where she answered questions about herself and I actually found out more about her from it. It's kind of funny in a really sad way. One of her answers made me feel a pang of envy. She answered yes to "Have you ever been in love?". I'm guessing the guy that she's been in love with is her current (if they haven't broken up yet) boyfriend, Jack.

I really don't want to sound like a cliche, but it's so not fair. I hope Jack is not as nice as he seems and I hope that I'm lucky not be going out with him.

I know I'm horrible for thinking that kind of stuff.

Invitation

April and I went to a local film festival yesterday but it was so freezing that we didn't stay long (although we really wanted to) and ended meeting up with Claudia and Christine.

While we were talking I got a message from Jacqui saying that she and Amy were organising a get together for the 'group'. I thought about going for no more than a couple of seconds. I really don't see the point in meeting up just for the sake of meeting up. I really doubt that they really want to see me. And I don't really want to see them. I hope they won't think that I'm avoiding them (since that's exactly what I'm doing). Those get-togethers are always so awkward for me that I don't see the point in going.

Tomorrow, I might finally be going to those dancing classes that I have been wanting (dreaming!) of going to. For some reason, I have a feeling that they'll (April and Christine) will cancel because that's what usually happens when I really want to do something that the others don't really want to do but I convince them to anyway.

I have been craving chocolate lately so I need to do some exercise to burn it all off.

I have so much uni stuff to do in the one week break that it doesn't even count as a break. And I wanted to do heaps of not-uni stuff. Somehow, for now, I'm managing to fit both.

Quizzes are so addictive!

You are a true nature girl!


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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Reader Assumptions

I always assume that the only people that read my site regularly are the 4/5 people that started reading it at the beginning, when I just started it. So I assume that everyone who reads this know everything that's been going on for the last 8 months.

Just Ask!

I noticed when some bloggers have nothing to write about, they ask people to ask them questions. So since I have nothing to write about, you can ask me any questions (but preferably ones that I can answer).

I haven't written any uni stories for ages. Probably cause none happened.

There's a really hot guy in one of my tutorials but I can never talk to him cause I'm always with my friends and they'll think it's weird if I just wander over to him to start talking.

The reason I'm online is cos I have an online meeting that's taking forever, as usual.

Terribly,
Incredibly,
Ravingly and
Extremely
Dead tired.

Seasons

I like winter cos it's nice and cold and cosy.

Summer is uncomfortable and sticky.

Spring is ok if it's not too hot and autumn is nice if it doesn't rain all the time.

La la la la!

I CANNOT STAND HOT WEATHER!!! My brain has fried.

Yay! Pretty pictures!

I have nothing else to add.

<<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics )
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You're Most Like The Season Spring ...

Fresh faced, with a young outlook on life - you
smile at the world and expect it to smile back
at you. You're mostly a bubbly, fun - innocent
person. Described as cute possibly. However,
you're a little naive about things and tend to
be a little too trustworthy.
As the first season, It Makes you the youngest -
and so most immature - but people are inclined
to look out for and protect you.

Well done... You're the most fun of the seasons :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
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I Want A Holiday

Can't wait till the holidays (not that I'll be having much of one). Can't believe that my second year at uni is almost over. I hope someone would want to pay me for my design skills after I get out of uni. If not, there's always the movie business with April. I wish...

And "Felicity" is over. Which show should I watch next? There's nothing that catches my attention. Maybe it's a good thing if I won't watch TV for a while.

I need some free time without any pressures hanging over me (like uni assignments).

I should start doing some work.

I feel like writing something intelligent and witty but nothing comes to mind.

Bitter Reminder

As soon as my Mum came home, the first thing she told me was that she spoke to Talia's Mum today and she told her how Talia and her boyfriend go to some dancing classes at my uni and that Talia's boyfriend's friend needs a partner for the class. I was like, "Oh my God. Don't even start", rolling my eyes. She then goes that in the class, they swap partners anyway and that she goes there with a group of friends and that I should call her. First of all I'm not calling her. She's nice and all but I just don't find it easy to talk to her. And it'll be weird if I call her out of the blue. And secondly, it'll be really awkward if I start going there with her friends.

Now I'm just annoyed that Mum had to tell me about other people's boyfriends because it's not like I can do anything about my lack of one.

I need to talk to April. She'll find the funny side to this.

Sally informed me today that the store that I'll be working in has only middle/old-aged women and gay men. Well, there goes my plan to meet guys.

Friday Five

1. Who is your favorite singer/musician? Why?
Rob Thomas because every song that he writes, composes and performs is different every time I listen to it which makes me not get bored of it.

2. What one singer/musician can you not stand? Why?
No one specific that I can think of at the moment but I can stand those singers who sing dancy songs that have one line repeated over and over with a boring beat in the background.

3. If your favorite singer wasn't in the music business, do you think you would still like him/her as a person?
Unfortunately, I don't personally know Rob Thomas but if his personality is relfected in his songs, then I would really like him!

4. Have you been to any concerts? If yes, who put on the best show?
Matchbox 20 for sure!

5. What are your thoughts on downloading free music online vs. purchasing albums? Do you feel the RIAA is right in its pursuit to stop people from dowloading free music?
I enjoy downloading free music because I can listen to songs that I probably wouldn't buy. I guess it's probably not very ethical but I'm a selfish person.

Compliments

Although it's nice to get compliments, when I get them, I feel that now people expect me to be what they say and that I won't be able to live up to it. Like today (and yesterday), Sophia kept saying that I was really funny and now I feel like I should always be funny, otherwise it's not true. And people who try to be funny, usually aren't.

So sad jokes, here I come!

I'm sooooooooooo tired and I have to do work.

"Felicity" is finally over. I'm really going to miss the show. I have gotten quite attached to the characters.

Hehe, I'm ranked 383 on Top Blogs. It's so low that I'm not even on the front page! Oh well, I had my moment of glory!

I've been told which store I'll "initially" be working at. And not only is it not the same as April's, it's in the City! I do realise that I didn't have to put it as one of my choices but when I was filling out the form, I thought it'd be better to work there than not work at all. I didn't realise that if they want to hire me, they'll put me anywhere!

I will look on the bright side - City store is bigger so there'll be more people to meet.

From The Past 3 - Growing Up and Flying

Here's what I wrote on 8.01.03.

I was just reading my first proper diary and it's amazing how much I changed. I sounded like such a child. I was kinda funny at times. I think I used to write better than I do now. I don't mean grammatically but the style. It's weird how when I look back, I feel like my younger self is another person. I feel old. I don't want to grow older. I know my life is improving but I just miss the naiveté and innocence of childhood.

When you're young, you have so much hope for the future. So much to look forward to and when you live that future, it's not as great as you hoped it'd be and that makes you sad. Or maybe it's just me. I think I'm just lonely because I don't have RG. I need to get distracted. This reminds me of "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" where it says that flying is an Art that you just need to get a hang of. It just involves falling and missing the ground by being distracted just before you fall. Maybe I just need to get distracted from thinking about RG and I'll have him.

From The Past 2 - Angst

Here is an angsty diary entry that I wrote on 17.12.02.

I read a lot of Katie's journal today and it brought up a lot of anger in me. For example, I can't stand a number of people but I just try to avoid my hatred for them. I think I would feel so much better if I told them how much they suck.

One of these is Shannon. She's so fake that Barbie dolls seem real in comparison. She agrees with everything and everyone, even contradicting herself. But with me, she's such a bitch because I can see right through her. I can't believe she's going to be a doctor. People like her should be put in a plastic pink box and sold at discounted price. I know this is mean but I feel better after I let my feelings out.

I'll never forget how at year 11 camp, she was bitching about Kate (who she didn't even know properly since she only came to our school in year 11) with a group of other girls when Kate has never done anything to her. Another girl asked me if I wanted to join "the bitch session' and I said something like, "Don't you have anything better to do" and Shannon replied, "It's just a bit of gossip." It was so revolting that I left.

Also, when Amy was having her nervous breakdown, Shannon would always pretend to be on her side and listen to Amy's whinging. Then when Amy wasn't there, she'd be on Melissa's side and bitch about her. It was disgusting.

I'm also disgusted that I'm starting to do that. When Amy calls me, I act nice to her but then bitch about her to Nadine. I'm so angry at myself for that. I'm just sick of Amy so much. She always has to rub things in to make herself feel better. I kinda feel guilty writing how other people suck. I'm not close to perfect but at least I try to be honest and I take people's feelings into consideration. I just so can't stand fake and hypocritical people who feel good when they put down other people. No one in the world is perfect but can't everyone admit that and try to improve?

I've got a really big headache but I'm supposed to participate in an online meeting for one of my uni subjects and my group members are not online yet. Even online, I'm early!

Carly

I made a new friend today. Her name is Carly and she's Amelia's friend. She's quite eccentric and straight forward -- qualities that most of my friends have. She's also one of those people that don't let study ruin their social lives which is really rare in people that I know. I've only talked to her properly for one day and we've already planned what we'll do in the holidays. I love talking to outgoing people.

I watched "Finding Nemo" on the weekend. It was absolutely excellent! I couldn't stop laughing. And the visuals were just astounding. Everyone, go and watch it!!!

Yay! I'm ranked 62 on Top Blogs!

I watched Australian Idol yesterday and I really liked that big guy Stu. He's like a big friendly werewolf, who has an interesting voice. I liked his version of "Whisper Your Name" much more than Harry Connick Jr's one.

Congratulate me, everyone!

I just got a Coles Myer summer job. And so did April. I'm not sure whether we'll be working in the same store or not, but that's not the most important thing.

I'm so happy about it. I'll finally be able to finish saving up for my trip to US next year.

I just knew something interesting would happen this semester.

I always get excited when I'm about to start something new where I'll get to meet new people.

Woah! My blog is ranked 85 on Top Blogs!

Back To My Old Ways

I was reading the diary that was dedicated (unintentionally) to Max and it made me remember how much I used to like him. I went crazy there for a while. I might post some entries here later if I feel like it. Right now I'm too embarrassed about them. I acted like a pathetic sentimental teenage girl that I never liked.

I can sort of laugh (a little) about it now. Although I still talk to Max, even if it's just through SMS. I might try talking to him on the phone again. Just not now 'cause my throat is killing me and I can barely talk.

I thought that last Saturday's party completely changed me because of the way how I felt after I've met Nadine's boyfriend. I didn't want to ever talk to any guy who was worse than him. Now, I'm back to my old self where I just don't care who I talk to.

From The Past - Discovery

I was reading through my old diaries. Here's what I wrote on 27.01.02:

Today I made an exciting new discovery! I was (and still am) very proud of myself. I discovered that blueberries are white inside. Who would've thought?! I found this out accidentally (as all major discoveries get found out). While I was washing them, I had to cut out a rotten bit out of one. When I did, inside it was all white. I thought it was a bad one but then another on was white too. So after biting a number of them, I realised that they're all white. It tuned out that my grandparents, parents and brother also assumed that blueberries were a dark reddish bluish colour inside. Isn't it amazing the surprises on can encounter in one's daily life, just by being observant?

I know, from now on, if I have nothing to write I'll just post entries that I've written in my notebook diaries.

Is this a joke?! I can't believe that such an offensive guy can be so entertaining.

Magic

Magic

After watching my tape of yesterday's episode of "Felicity", it got me interested in Wicca. If you read my blog, you'd know that I'm not a fan of religion but this one sounds interesting. Of course, they say that it's not like magic that you see on TV, unfortunately, but it's still interesting to pretend that magic spells work. I can only believe in something if I've experienced it. And sometimes, even I have experienced something, I still don't believe in it.

Take for example, astral projection (out of body experience). After I read a book about it, I thought I'd try it just for fun because according to the information about it, all I had to do was when I was dreaming and was conscious of that (which I used to be all the time), I could make my 'soul' come out of my body and do whatever I wanted without my physical body.

So one time when in the dream, I realised I was dreaming, I had the weirdest experience that, although was probably just a dream, freaked me out so much that I'm too scared to try it again. Basically, somehow I got out of my body and felt fully conscious of this and I saw myself sleeping. I got scared that if I left or moved, I wouldn't be able to get back into my body so in matter of seconds, I woke up. I haven't had a dream in which I was conscious of it since then.

Although it would be great if that was real astral projection, my skeptic mind tells me that it was just a really weird dream. I just can't get out of my head how conscious I felt when I was looking at myself sleeping. I've had dreams where I felt extremely conscious and could logically think in them but never like that one.

I had a dream tonight where another blogger wrote that my blog was the 2nd most entertaining one that she read. God, I'm even having dreams about my blog! That's worrying.

I hate having a sore throat. I'm already imagining long quite lectures where I will be the only one coughing horribly and making my eyes water, my nose runny and my face red. Why is it that no one has thought of an effective cure for the common cold?

I've just read some blogs written by 30/40 year old adults, talking about their non-existent love lives. I'm scared I'm just going to be one of them. This is too depressing.

Social Circles

On Monday when April caught my train (completely unplanned) and she asked me if I've met any SCGs on Saturday, I got really paranoid that someone on that crowded train reads my blog and would recognise me just from that. So I think I'll stop decoding April and my abbreviations. Although I'll get paranoid anyway because it's not often that you hear people on trains speaking in code.

I finally told Andrew about Saturday and all he said was that it just goes to show that if I want to meet new people, I should stop hanging out with my quiet friends and hang out with people like Nadine. He thinks that the whole reason why I don't have a boyfriend is because my friends are not very outgoing and don't have close friends outside our group which makes it impossible to meet new people. Well, except for Christine whose uni girl friends are pretty cool. Her guy friends are too weird for my liking.

Anyway, I think I need new friends. Not to replace old ones, of course, but to expand my social circle. And they have to be not like the usual people that I hang out with. Even at uni, I'm already clinging to people like my high school friends. It's like a habit.

I saw Lara on Monday. She's nothing like my usual friends but we still always find stuff to talk about. I need more friends like that.

I think the fact that I went to an all girls high school has had a strong influence on my social skills. I can always make friends with girls but find it hard to have guy friends. I never thought that going to a girls school would cause so many problems. Because if you think about it, most people make close friends in high school so how am I supposed to have guy friends if there weren't any guys at my school? I know it doesn't stop some people but I'm not like those people.

Letting It Out

I chatted with April about Saturday and feel a bit better. Andrew hasn't been very understanding about the whole thing 'cause he doesn't seem to care. I'm glad there's always someone I could talk to about this stuff. And there's always this blog, but it's not the same. I'm one of those people who likes to talk about things. I can't keep stuff inside. Although I don't tell everything to everyone, just the special few.

Life Is Unfair

I came home at 7:30am today. I'm not tired at all. Really. I just feel horrible because I found out that life is officially unfair. Yeah, I know some of you already knew that.

I finally found a guy that seemed to be really suited to me. But of course he has a girlfriend -- Nadine! I don't understand what really intelligent and nice quiet guys see in not so intelligent crazy irrational loud girls. If that’s the way it is, it’s an impossibility for me to find RG because my RG won’t see me as his RG.

I also noticed an interesting thing. When I go with my friends to the club that we went to yesterday, there were never any sleazy guys around but yesterday, when I was there with Nadine and her friends, it seemed that the whole club was populated with jerks. It was disgusting.

There was this weird looking guy, who I thought was one of Nadine’s friends’ friends. who was hanging around us the whole time so I decided to talk to him in case he was a really nice person. I asked him how he knew Nadine’s friend and he said that he just met her when we got to the club. I was talking to the guy as if he was one of our friends and he turned out to be some complete stranger that no one knew anything about! I tried to avoid him after that. That was really bad.

I also must stop smiling shyly at guys that I talk to because they think I’m coming onto them. They don’t realise that I can’t help it.

Nadine’s friends are absolutely crazy, except her guy friends who are all pretty quiet. One cute Spanish (I think) guy (Nadine’s friend) told Nadine that one of her friends was really hot and that girl was far from what I thought most people would consider as ‘hot’. Some people’s tastes are so bizarre. Her other friends were the most loud people I’ve ever met. They were nice though.

By midnight, Nadine got completely drunk. She told me that the only reason her boyfriend left was because I was completely sober so I could make sure that she was all right. So he trusted me to look after his drunk girlfriend, although he wouldn’t give me (someone who can look after herself) a second glance. Life is unfair. I know I shouldn’t like someone who doesn’t like me, that’s just stooping too low, but I can’t help it.

Nadine is not the best person to be around when she’s totally drunk, especially in the middle of the night in the City. She talked to any person who walked by, including creepy guys who started following us, but not for too long, fortunately. That was kinda a bit scary. She kept making stupid comments and singing on top of her lungs, attracting weirdos. I swear I’m never going out with her again. Another one of her friends was with us who although was completely sober, acted like she was drunk too and sang on top of her lungs as well, so her soberness didn’t mean a thing. Another one of her friends was even crazier than Nadine. She was telling us how when she went to some place, it was really stupid because “Not even one guy tried to chat [her] up! What [is she], ugly?!” Then some of her other friends were also into being drunk so they fully told me the details of their love lives. That was entertaining for a while, although again I was pointed out how unfair life is because these drunk girls had guys who liked them and I didn’t.

Max messaged me yesterday but I don’t feel like talking to him anymore, after yesterday. I know I said I want to meet him ‘cause we could be really good friends but I have enough of really good friends and don’t need anymore. And I’d never go out with him because I can’t be attracted to someone who’s dumber than me. So meeting him would be completely pointless.

Anyway, after yesterday, I decided that I’m over wanting a boyfriend. I don’t want any. There are too many dumb and sleazy guys, and all the good ones like girls that are opposite of me in personality. So what’s the point?

I feel really bitter at the moment. I’m sure you can tell.

Bravenet is getting all annoying again. It won't let me see visitors' IP addresses!!!

Relationships

I’m going to Nadine’s party tomorrow night. The one that all her friends are going to. I have a bad feeling about it but it’s probably just nervousness at the thought of being around lots of very loud people. I know that if I won’t go, I’ll regret it. Here’s my chance to meet new people, although I think I’ve met most of them before and didn’t particularly like them. It’d be good if my friends could come but if they will, I know I won’t talk to anyone else.

I talked with Nadine on the phone for a couple of hours tonight. It was weird. We fully talked about things that we used to talk about when we were close, i.e. guys, friends and relationships, not general stuff that we talked about lately (although we can talk about general stuff for hours too).

She told me about how one of her friends (I think I mentioned Netta before), who is about 25, and really wants to get married and have kids, is really good friends with a guy (who’s perfect for her) but doesn’t want to go out with him because she “doesn’t want to ruin the friendship”. That kind of reason irritates me so much!!!! It would be perfect to have a relationship with someone who you’re best friends with. Can’t people just get over their “Dawson’s Creek” melodrama?!!! Arghh!!!

Nadine offered to find me a guy. I told her not to, although I didn’t mean it. I’m just worried that she’ll embarrass me. I asked for her to find a guy for April. It’s less embarrassing to ask her to find guys for my friends, rather than for myself. I’ll have to ask her again. I should be beyond embarrassment. If she knows someone for me, then why not? Right?

Sometimes I wonder how Nadine and I became such good friends in the first place. We’re complete opposites, yet I can talk to her, like I can talk to April. Although we keep drifting apart sometimes, we always drift back again.

April came to uni with me on Thursday. That was totally cool! She needed to use my uni’s library so while I had the lecture, she went there, and then we caught the train back home. It was almost like school.

In my web design class on Wednesday, there are two girls who always giggle together about not very funny things and the tutor said they act like sisters. That made me miss April heaps ‘cause we were like that at school. All the teachers (and students) always associated us together. Once at a parent teacher interview, my teacher told my Mum that I got the similar marks as April, as if my Mum wanted to know how April went.

On the train, people turned around because we were laughing so loud and having a conversation that made no sense to anyone else 'cause we abbreviate some words (that we use all the time) e.g. SCG (smart cute guy) and some others so our conversation is all coded.

Sometimes, though, I’m glad that she doesn’t go to my uni because out of all my friends, she’s the one that I’d keep in touch with no matter how far we were, and if she went to my uni, I’d probably end up hanging out with her all the time.

On Wednesday, I found out that the baby-faced guy (that I mentioned before) catches my train. I think he recognised me. He’s not that baby-faced actually. He was quite all right though. I didn’t talk to him though. Did you think I would?!

Today on the train I saw this guy who was so absorbed in a book that he looked really cute. He looked like Rodin’s sculpture “The Thinker” with a book (and clothes). I came up with the following scenario that would be nice if it happened:

I see the guy, reading a book that I want to read but can’t find anywhere. I come up to the guy and say: Oh my gosh! Where did you get that book?!! I’ve been looking for it EVERYWHERE!

The guy: I got it as a present. Would you like to borrow it?

Me: Could I?!

He gives me his phone number so I could call him when I’ll be finished with the book so I could return it. We then meet up so I could give him back the book. We discuss the book and mention another book (that one of us has). So the other one asks to borrow it. So we keep meeting up to discuss books for a while and then decide that we like each other so much that we stop talking about books and talk about other things too.

Yes, this is how I entertain myself on the train. Don’t laugh!

Max messaged me. I don’t know what to do about him. Alice (a girl at Nadine’s family birthday party) said a very smart thing. She said that the most important thing about liking guys is not to obsess over them.

Just had a talk with Mum about getting married. I think she used to go out with a guy like Max. The weird thing was that she wouldn’t tell me how they met. Sound familiar?!!! The guy even proposed to her, but she decided that she couldn’t live with him for the rest of her life, although he was a really nice guy.

I’m going to meet Max soon. I’m serious. I know I’ve been saying it for a while but it’s been a bad time.

I asked Mum if she ever went out with a guy who she knew she had no future with and she said that she did when she had no one at the time. Poor guys!

I’m turning out to be like my Mum. That’s scary!

I was also saying that looks matter and she said that although they do, if you love a person you won’t notice his looks. I can understand that but looks matter before you get to love a guy.

She said how when at her work Christmas party last year, one of her colleagues said that she couldn’t believe that such a good looking woman had a not so good looking husband! My Mum said that the woman is completely stupid. My Dad isn’t even that ugly. It’s just my Mum is really pretty. She’s not like a model but her face is like an actress. I don’t really look like my Mum, unfortunately, although some people say I do. I think I look like my grandma (when she was younger!)

I’m so curious now about how my Mum met that guy who proposed to her. There was no internet then. And she said that she met him herself, i.e. no one introduced them. She must be embarrassed about it, even though so many years went by. I’m so curious now! I think if I married Max (which by the way will never happen), I’d tell my kids how I met him, even though I’m embarrassed about it now.

Anyway, I blabbed on enough for tonight.

Nadine, The Drama Queen

I went to Nadine's birthday (family) party. There's so much to write but I don't feel like it now. Every time something like what happened happens and I go home, I feel really awful and frustrated and annoyed and depressed and I HATE it!!!

Why do I have to be the one who is always there for her when she's never there for me?! She is the most complicated person I know (and probably don't know too). And the biggest drama queen. I just can't deal with it anymore!

And she always makes me think (indirectly) about how I will never find RG and I really don't like her for that. I've been doing a pretty good job not thinking about RG, thanks mainly to April (cos when we talk about it, it's seems ridiculous and we can laugh about it together) and Claudia and Christine because they make me forget about wanting RG because of their distractions with other topics. The three of them were doing a really good job of making me not sad about not having RG.

And then today, Nadine just made me feel terrible about my non-existant RG. She didn't do it intentionally but she did it anyway. She was in a really bad mood and was going off at everyone at the party except me. So we went to her room to talk and she wouldn't tell me anything specific. She'd just said how she has a lot of "friendship, relationship and other problems". Apparently she had a boyfriend for the last 3 months that she obviously hasn't told me about. I hate how after not talking to me for months, she spills all these little hints to what's been going on with her and I'm supposed to be all understanding. Not once did she ask me any questions. She went on about some other things (because she was all emotional and had no one to talk to). She wouldn't have told me if she wasn't depressed or in other circumstances.

Maybe I'm just envious that she had all these relationships when she's this over-emotional self-centred drama queen while I haven't had any. I think that's what makes me so tired of her.

Ok, I think I'm going to sleep now.