Imaginary World

There is a void in my life now where Harry Potter used to be.

Stop reading now if you don't want to know anything about the book.

There is one bit (out of many) that stood out to me. It was happening when Harry thought he died and his dead school principal explained everything that happened.

"Tell me one last thing," said Harry. "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"
"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

There were so many more memorable moments, I think I might go and read it all again. I predicted that Harry was a Horcrux and that of course he wouldn't die (the whole theme of good vs evil wouldn't have any point otherwise) but the story about Snape really got me by surprise. It really tied everything about him throughout all the books.

I only wish that in the epilogue, we would've been told the professions of Harry, Ron and Hermione. It made me laugh to read that Harry has four kids.

Magic

I have traded my Saturday night and Sunday with David for Harry Potter.

It was my goal to complete the book this weekend before I'm exposed to people spoilng it for me. Unfortunately, I've realised that this challenge was a bit unrealistic as I'm not even half way through. To be honest I've started a little later than planned and did manage to go shopping in the morning.

I got a trendy dress which will look great with my boots. I was a bit indecisive about buying it as it will make me stand out at work. (The majority of my workmates are at least 40 years old and choose conservative comfort over fashion).

I've decided I'm only young once and will regret if I don't take advantage of my youth to be able to wear odd-looking dresses that are in fashion.

Oh, almost forgot. On Friday, David and I put a deposit for our new home!!! We both couldn't quite believe it. I felt weird giving most of my savings away. We celebrated by going to see Harry Potter. I found the movie a bit odd as it reminded me of some arty film with horror aspects, like the eerie music and lighting. Not quite as scary as I imagined when I was reading the book.

My brother bought himself a laptop. We are now chatting to each other on the internet, even though he's in the next room. Weird, the future of technology.

Ok, time to go back and read some more of my magical Harry Potter book.

The Clouds of Youth

Just got back from the dance class. Wow, it was sooooooo great! Can't wait till next week.

I was thinking that I hope I get over dancing by the time I'm 40 'cause it's not like I can go to classes/clubs then. So I better do as much dancing now as possible.

Another thing I was thinking was that one life is not enough for me to do everything I want to do.

1. Dance professionally
2. Work in film/TV
3. Write a book
4. Have an ordinary life (I can cross this one off the list)

I'm a dreamer, I know. I want to do so many things but I'm too practical and too scared to take risks 'cause I like security. And I'm not creative/clever enough to come up with amazing ideas for a book.

Yeah, excuses, excuses.

I want to be young forever.

"he suffered from what he could not help - youth"

- Diary of a Nobody by George Grossmith and Weedon Grossmith

Dancing, Reading and Accepting

Amelia is becoming my dance buddy. Our dance course is almost finished and we'll be going to a dance workshop next.

Today the teacher was checking that everyone could do specific moves. I was fine until we had to do the 'vertical figure eight'. She looked at me and said, "Not quite there," and tried to show me again. After a few tries, she told me that she will take me aside later. Once she moved on to the next person, Amelia did the Bring it On scene, "These are not spirit fingers! THESE are spirit fingers!" which just cracked me up.

Anyway, one of those moments that you had to be there.

Went to a library near my work today and started reading Watch Your Mouth by Daniel Handler. He has this technique of talking directly to the reader which I love. And it was a little graphic but not in a gross or cheesy way. If only the front cover wasn't so obvious, I would've borrowed it.

On a totally different note, April found out Blog Guy smoked. First thing she said, "Why does this always happen to me?!" I guess you have to learn that nothing in life is perfect so there will always be something. Apparently this guy quit a month ago but she's already like, "But how can I believe that he won't start again? If we ever start going out and he knows how much I hate it, he'll do it behind my back and I'll never trust him!"

You can see why we get on. She's also the Queen of Getting Carried Away.

Anyway, she said she accepted it and was glad I didn't tell her. (He told her himself.) Now she's just going crazy because she doesn't know how he feels. This guy is pretty horrible in the way that he keeps flirting and getting her hopes up. How's a girl supposed to tell if a guy likes her or likes to flirt.

That made me realise that David and I never really flirted before going out. I feel like I missed out on something. Guess we'll have to make up for lost time.

Speaking of David, he totally stuffed up his job interview today. I really wanted him to get it because he said that if he did he'd study part-time. That of course would mean that we could move our plans forward and I wouldn't have to wait another year. And it would be a great thing for him because I know he feels too old to be still studying.

Oh well, I wouldn't have expected him to do it well with only several hours of sleep. I don't see why he has to keep working ridiculous hours with his busy uni timetable. I'm sure he'd be able to find something better. I don't know how to make him see that everyone needs sleep, including him.

I miss him.

He calls me at work now which is nice but hard to talk properly with everyone listening.

Just wish he was here with me. I don't get why I have to miss him so much all the time.

Love is crazy. It seriously drives me nuts. I can be really annoyed at him and desperately want to be with him in the same moment. When he's with me, I can't get enough. When he's not, there's nothing else on my mind. Everything reminds me of him. I can combine him into any conversation. I can't sleep if we didn't come to an agreement on something.

We made a deal that we can never go to sleep upset with each other. David broke this on Sunday. He told me he was fine when he wasn't. Next day he called to say he couldn't sleep all night because he kept thinking about it.

My mind also keeps playing a 'moment' we had a few weeks ago. It was really raw and touching. Made me feel like I wouldn't be able to cope if anything happened to him. If I can't have him, I don't want anybody else.

At work, when Eve talks to her husband on the phone, her voice is always different. Unlike her usual friendly work tone, with him she is abrupt and annoyed, like she doesn't have to be nice to him. I hope I never become like that. Why do people treat the ones they love worse than those they don't? I understand they don't have to impress their loved ones but what difference should that make?

When David was telling me how he stuffed up the interview, I got annoyed and was about to sound snappish and irritated. I stopped myself. If a work colleague was telling me this, I'd be encouraging and compassionate. So I told David not to worry and that things happen. And you know what he said? He said, "Thanks, baby, for calling to see how the interview went". I mean, of course I'd call! But he still thanked me to show he appreciated it. If I told him off, I doubt he would've said it.

Treating people you love with the same tolerance that you treat people you want to impress, achieves so much more. It always feels better being loved by the person you love than being liked by people we don't really care about.

Ok, so once again, I have ranted about several different topics. I just missed blogging after not being able to connect to it for a week. I might talk about blog dependency another time.

Looking Back Into the Tunnel

Went to the library today and couldn't find one single book to take. I was there for ages and was getting quite frustrated that I didn't want to read anything that was there.

I think after reading a really great book, I don't want anything mediocre.

It'd be good if they could divide the library into two sections - the run-off-the-mill books with their formulaic plots and characters that sell and a section for real books with stories that offer new insights with a humanity quality. I'm just really sick of books that are the same. I want something different, something unique. Any suggestions, anyone?

Work wasn't too bad today. Other than having a lunch time meeting and no time to get out of the office.

I actually started to wonder if leaving the security of this job was such a good idea. Ever since I got new software, doing my work has been a lot easier. And the people are great. Yeah, I still don't have much of a lunch time but I've been leaving almost on time.

Well, it's too late to think that anyway. I'm starting at my temp job full-time again next week. I wonder if I'll hate myself if I don't have a job next year. Although, I'd probably regret not taking up this job if I stayed here.

Lately, the last three years of my life (the 'blogging years') have been flashing in my mind. The whole three years just flash in seconds. Getting through uni - all the moments in class, during breaks, holidays with school friends, April, casual jobs, operation... Then trip to USA. Looking for 'real' work followed by a series of jobs. Meeting David which opened my life to so many possibilities. And now.

Wonder what's next...

Dirty

You know it's a great book when you start to feel sadder and sadder as there are less and less pages left.

I so didn't want "The Dirty Girls Social Club" to end. From the title and the back cover it sounded like some standard chic lit. Something I'm really over. But the first page totally captured my attention. It is a solid piece of writing. Light and deep, funny and sad. The characters leapt off the page. I actually miss them almost like real people.

By the end I realised that the seemingly trashy title had a deeper meaning. These 'girls' were described as dirty because they were not perfect human beings. They had faults. Their lives were not squeaky clean. Some of them were a complete mess. And I guess that was what made them so interesting. So likeable. So easy to relate to.

I haven't read a book that I haven't been able to put down for a really long time.

This book was everything I love about reading. It was entertaining, it was educational, it opened my mind to ideas and observations I never thought of. There were times when I thought, "Oh my God! That's so true!" It broke all stereotypes and made me vicariously live through lives I never would have had a chance to experience in real life.

It was one of those books that you know will never be a classic but one that will always have a place in my mind and heart. It really had an effect on me. I cannot stop thinking about it.

Some books I just connect with and this was definitely one of them.

That Special Sound

La Puente. Te quiero por siempre. Cuando. Puedo ser o no ser. Suavemente. Un poquito. Besame. Buenas noches. Te amo. Bella.

I have been reading the The Dirty Girls' Social Club and it's got tons of Spanish words. I don't understand half of the expressions but just reading them makes me hear such a sexy sound. The above words are just some that I can think of at the top of my head.

David says he loves when I speak POBian but I never thought Spanish would give me such tingles.

Don't know what it is about some languages that have the abilty to irritate me and others I can listen to endlessly without understanding a word.

I was actually speaking POBian to David last night, knowing he didn't understand. And I can't describe the freedom I felt saying anything I wanted to him, while he just smiled back. Just felt so good!

Might go and read that book. Seriously love the story.

For the Love of Books

Must remind myself: At least I have a job. And in my field.

Why can't that importance sink into my brain?

Today I decided that I desperately need some sort of physical activity. The majority of that used to be the walking to and from the train station which gave an hour worth of exercise every day. Now, the driving has replaced that.

At the temp job, I made myself go for a half an hour walk at lunch time but now that's very hard as there's is seriously nowhere to walk. There's even no pavement. It's a warehouse area.

So anyway, after I got home, I decided to go for a walk. Since I had no motivatin to go for a walk whatsoever, I gave myself a final destination worth reaching. The library, of course. It takes 40 minutes to walk there. I put on my earphones (to entertain myself) and went on my way, looking forward to the reward that awaited me - the book haven.

On the way there, it was so dark in one area, I couldn't see where I was walking and all of a sudden I felt dizzy. I wondered what would've happened if I fainted. Would any of the cars driving by notice? Would I open my eyes to find myself in hospital with David holding my hand? Would I be assaulted and have bruises all over my face and David would look at me with sadness, grateful that I was alive?

Took a drink of water from my handy water bottle and felt better. There was no way I was fainting. God, just the embarrassent and weakness of that all. Would've haunted me forever. (Ok, maybe not. I would've blocked it out.)

The library was pretty empty but I felt so content there. It was so nice to be surrounded by stories and different worlds that I stayed there for an hour (a relatively short time for me). I didn't stay longer as I didn't want to walk in the isolated areas too late.

Was happy to find some interesting books. The walk home seemed to go by pretty quickly. Spent all evening reading about South American women in the United States.

Finished playing phone tag with Veronica because I finally managed to reach her. We had a short chat since she was on her way to a friend's house to celebrate some national (or was it international?) initiave she organised. We agreed to catch up more on the weekend. She said she found my number in her phone and decided to call. Weird, if I were her, I would've seen the number there all the time and would've kept thinking whether I should call her for months. But that's just me. I doubt she was brooding over it for a year.

Going for that walk actually gave me more energy. Last night I went to sleep at 10pm. Got woken up by David at 11:45pm when he got home from work. Not that I minded. He sounded really appreciative of me sending him an email to cheer him up during his stress. He apologised for not replying. I said he didn't have to. He said he wanted to.

I don't do nice things for him expecting something in return. I do them because I want to make him feel good. If they serve that purpose, I'm happy. Not that getting an email from him wouldn't be well received...

Anyway, as long as he appreciates it, that's all that matters.

More Fun

A 21 year old at my work is engaged. Another one (mid-twenties, I think) is having her 2nd child.

I wish I was engaged and having a child. (But obviously not at the same time.)

I know some people my age who had serious relationships and are now single, who love their independent lives. They love being social and always going out with different friends, meeting new people. Even people in long-term relationships crave to do things without their partners (i.e. my uni friends).

I, on the other hand, am the opposite. I had years of going out with friends and meeting new people. I just want to be in a serious relationship now.

Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with my friends. But I always love hanging out with David much much more.

For example, my uni friends are organising a trip interstate. And I'm just not that interested. If I was single, I would've loved to go! Now, I'd rather hang out locally, with David.

I don't know what happened to me but I don't even want to go pretty much anywhere without him. I even wanted to bring him to Claudia's house last Friday and wished Mike was coming just so I could have David there.

I was reading some of my previous posts from months ago and it was weird reading how unsure I was about him. There were so many times when I wanted someone else. How I didn't think he was smart. How I didn't see a future with him. At all.

When did this all change? How is it that I can't even imagine living without him? How he is the major source of happiness for me.

Even when I'm mad at him, I still love him.

Maybe going through all our disagreements made our relationship stronger. His acceptance of me, completely. My acceptance of him.

Maybe because our relationship is not based on just lust. Underneath it all, we are just friends. We love spending time together. Maybe this is all why I prefer to be with him above everyone else.

Simply, he's just more fun.

How To Make Your Girlfriend Love You

- let her have her way (if it's not too crazy)
- apologise (even if it's not your fault)
- when arguing, tell her you love her (which will distract her from her annoyance)
- if she disagrees with you, give her a hug and tell her you respect her opinion
- make her laugh, all the time, till she can't stop
- don't buy her off. You can't. There's not enough money.
- recall things she told you. It shows that you were listening.
- put in extra effort. Whether it's putting thought into a present or driving to her house three times in a row
- be her friend
- get along with her family
- point out her best points (e.g. "You are the funniest", "You are so clever") and tell her she's the most beautiful/hottest/amazing girl in the world (and you must truly believe this).

You might think, this is too female biased. But what you might not realise is if you do all that, your rewards will supersede all the difficulties in putting your pride aside. Your girlfriend will do absolutely anything for you. Most girls notice and appreciate when their boyfriends treat them like they're the centre of the universe. And in turn they will treat them the same way.

Quote

"Wait for the guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who thinks you are the prettiest when you have no make up on. Wait for the guy who would do anything just to spend time with you, and who truly believes he is the Lucky one!"

Silly quotes like that make me feel so lucky to have David because he does all those things, and more.

Spoke to April today which haven't done in way too long. We've been communicating lately in page long emails. We were saying how it's not about how many guys you know, it's about knowing just the one.

Maybe I was just lucky to skip all the wrong guys and go straight to the right one. Sometimes I just don't realise that even the right guy is not perfect.

I can't even explain it but it's an amazing feeling to love a person, knowing their faults. Even when we argue and disagree, there's still this underlying yearning. Like no matter what there's on the surface (difference of opinions, frustration at insignificant things etc), there's always love at the base. No matter how annoyed or mad I can be at David, underneath, I just want to be with him.

Sometimes it's scares me how much I depend on him. Take him away and I would feel like a part of me is gone. I guess that's how I felt before him. He already had a part of me and when I met him, he gave it to me.

Yeah, the practical part of me tells me that no one should 'complete' you. But it's impossible to control emotions. They just happen. I can't help the way I feel. I don't think anyone can.

Life of a Blog

I wonder what the average life-span of a blog is.

All blogs that have started before mine seem to have stopped updating. Finding newly-made blogs is all fine but it's not the same as following someone's life for several years.

I'm in a more positive mood about not having a job today. I have no reason to be but evenings are always easier because everyone's home from work then.

Met up with David early in the morning and kept him company in doing some car chores (e.g. rego etc.) David said it was a beautiful day which only made me feel guiltier that I wasn't at work. Seeing retired people, mothers of babies and other unemployed didn't help.

Really miss being at school. And uni. Just being around people my age every day and doing things.

Anyway, must focus on not slipping back into the unemployment guilt/sadness.

Help Yourself

My Mum gave me some self-help book her hairdresser lent her. She said it might give me some confidence for interviews and stuff. It's the worst rubbish I've read. They say that in order to get what you want, you have to live as if you already have it. Now may I ask, how on earth am I supposed to live like I have a job if I don't?!

Logical Love

Also, I read somewhere that if a person marries you because of logical reasons (like you fit his/her criteria), then he/she will be able to find the same logical reasons to leave you. However, if that person marries you because of some unexplainable feelings (like being blindly in love), those feelings will keep you together. My problem with this is, what if they disappear? How can you rely on something unexplainable? This whole reasoning is very confusing.

Is this another "heart vs head" thing? In my case, I realised, my heart is capable of influencing my head (e.g. "He's so wonderful, so what if he doesn't fit some of my criteria) and my head always affects my heart (e.g. "It's so rare to find someone who would care for you so much, you should totally be in love with him). So they constantly come to agreement. Therefore I shouldn't listen to either. But what would that leave me with? Maybe if I was male, I could think with the brain in my pants (don't take any stereotyping personally) but since I'm not, I might abandon my decision-making process altogether and just go with the flow. Seems like I have no other choice anyway.

The David Drug

I won't see David till Saturday but I'm pretty ok with it for now. I've had a really good dose of him today. Did I mention we got a haircut within days of each other? Fate, I know.

I think I want to marry him.

Want a job first, though.

I wonder if once I have everything I want, if life would get boring or if I'd find new things to want.

For today, I just want to watch Desperate Housewives. Aim small - my new motto.

Adore

I had a wonderful busy weekend.

On Saturday, I went to the dentist. It wasn't as bad as last time (i.e. didn't feel the usual pain).

Afterwards, I went to Christine's party. All the guys (Evan and Mike) came which was unexpected. I could've invited David. What was even more unexpected was that I had so much fun that I didn't want to go to David's house, as I promised him I would. Don't know if it showed because when I forced myself to get up and tell everyone I had to go, Mike said, "I'm going to call David and tell him you're crying because you don't want to leave".

At the party, I noticed how cute Mike and Claudia were together. It's good that I have my own perfect boy so I didn't feel any envy, only pleasure that my sweet quiet friend found someone who obviously adores her. At one point, Claudia's top slipped to one side revealing her bra strap and Mike fixed it for her because she obviously hadn't noticed. It's so cute how he looks out for her.

We played some board games and for once April and I managed to come first. We were ecstatic with joy because we're usually hopeless. I guess I could mention that Claudia was also on our team and definitely helped.

For the next game, Christine made us change teams so I had to go with Evan. Now, that was a little awkward.

When I got to David's house he was in a bit of a weird mood. He was just watching TV and I got a little bored, especially having just come from a really fun get-together. He noticed. As he always does. Turned out he was invited to go out and couldn't go because I was coming over. I told him he should've told me because I wouldn't have minded but he said he didn't want to change our plans. Anyway, I managed to cheer him up. Not hard. He's like a kid when he's feeling down.

Then we were talking and somehow got onto the topics that we need to always avoid - religion and politics. He said something that got me so upset I had to leave the room. I went to sit on his balcony. It was nice and cold to numb me. I knew he just didn't articulate himself properly but I was still so mad that he said what he did.

A few minutes later, he came outside and asked what I was feeling. We started talking about everything. How we had different views on issues we feel deeply about but how neither of us wants to break up and how we could overcome our disagreements because we just wanted to be with each other. I started crying, for the second time in three days. For the same reason. Felt so weak but David was really good about it, like last time. He said he would start a family whenever I wanted (earlier than he originally planned) because he just wanted me to be happy. I tried not to take that statement too seriously in fear that he might not really mean it and I didn't want to get my hopes up. Although, the fact that he thought about it practically (e.g. he said I should get a job before we start planning anything) made me think that he was serious about what he said.

Realised once again that if we talk things through, we always work everything out. Before, I used to think that being in love was not enough to sustain a relationship but now having the experience in being in one, I realise that when you really love each other, you're willing to compromise or even ignore certain things because you just can't imagine being without one another.

David begged me to stay over and even though I felt a bit weird doing that, I was too tired to drive home. Called Mum and for some reason she sounded worried. She wanted me to come home but she didn't want me to drive if I was tired.

We had a really good talk. I told him things about my family I never discussed with anyone. It's amazing what memories come to me when you have someone who wants to know you inside out. I told him how I felt about relationships and how I wanted to follow in my family's example because all my grandparents, parents and most relatives are happily married. He said, "This is like a pyjama party! Tell me more." I felt so lucky to have the coolest best friend. One of the reasons I think we get along so well and connect with each other is that even though we're adults, we both have a childish nature.

I was supposed to leave in the morning, but David was like, "Please stay for lunch!" with his puppy eyes which I couldn't resist so I stayed. Called Mum to tell her. We had to go to the shopping centre to buy food for breakfast. That was cool, almost like we were married or something. David noticed and said it was cool to go shopping together.

We watched "Schindler's List" because I wanted to after reading "The Girl in the Red Coat" (which I loved) and David got a little emotional. While we were watching, he kept hugging me and saying, "I'm so happy I have you. Don't want anything happening to you". Yes, I could've been a little bit weirded out by his sudden emotional state but it felt strangely comforting to feel so important to someone, especially him.

I was about to leave after the movie when he said, "Stay for dinner and then I can come over to your house". I couldn't believe he was serious. Don't know why but I was so happy he was coming back to my house with me. I had already started to freak out about tomorrow and I needed any distraction I could get. Mum called to see where I was and when I told her I was still at David's, she was like, "Have you decided to move there?" Last time David spent the weekend at my house, his Mum said the same thing to him. I said to David, "My Mum thinks I'm moving here and your Mum thinks you're moving to my house" and he replied, "But we're really moving out somewhere else, together". Exactly what I was thinking.

Getting really nervous about tomorrow.

me: even if I get fired again, it makes me feel better knowing I have you
David: you'll always have me
me: promise?
David: double promise
me: even if I get fired hundred million times?
David: yes

Shopgirl

I was bad. I started reading the third book that I've borrowed before finishing the first two. Was really in the mood for it. From the first chapter I'm in love with it. Steve Martin can actually write, as well as act. I like his style - simple, yet deep and poignant. Or maybe I can just relate to the main character. I don't know. It's been ages since I read a book I couldn't put down and thought about when I wasn't even reading it.

Mental Stimulation

I went to the library today. Really needed to get books. Too much spare time now and my brain desperately needs a workout. Usually I get fiction but this time I got a science book and two biographies (one describing living during World War II and the other about Pacific Island culture). Ok, so I got one fiction book too, but there's been a movie out based on it and it's by Steven Martin and I've never read anything of his. After I got over the difficult decision of choosing which one to read first, I'm deeply involved in one of them.

Also did Lesson 2 of A+ Spanish learning CD that David gave me ages ago but I had no time to do. I can now say useful things like:

Yo voy a la playa - I'm going to the beach
Nosotros compramos una vaca - We buy a cow
El escucha un pajaro - He listens to a bird
Yo tengo un hombre - I have a man

Spanish is so easy, especially that I learnt French at school and it's so similar (I even get confused between the two).

I would've never started to learn a third language, if it wasn't for David. So many good things come out of this relationship.

(Sometimes I worry that if it's going so well now, something bad might happen.)

Craving to Read

Maybe it's because lately I've had more free time but I've been craving to read more interesting blogs and since I haven't found many to really get into, I've been compensating by writing more in mine.

I think I'm going to go to the library next week and get myself some good (preferably intellectual) reading material. April and I want to resurrect our book club (where we forced ourselves to read Pride and Prejudice and didn't end up reading anything else). This time we're going to read something not only sophisticated, but also interesting. Maybe I can get everyone (which also includes Claudia) to read A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. I've been meaning to read something by him and the idea of learning about history in digestible portions really appealed to me.

April came over today and I showed her a trashy romance book I found in David's room (before you gasp, let me explain that his Mum works in a hotel and finds books people leave so she brings them home and puts them on his bookshelf). April and I took turns to read the absolutely cheesiest lines (e.g. "Don't I mean anything to you anymore?!" and "You're nothing, sucker!") while rolling in fits of laughter. We acted like such school girls giggling at the descriptions of the characters (e.g. "muscular frame that telegraphed all man to her, eminently lust-worthy").

Haven't seen David all day which is pretty amazing. I'll call him later though 'cause I need to tell him what time we're meeting tomorrow for the fireworks.

The Old Habit

I'm surprised it even went for this long but today I had to do it. I went to the library and got myself some books. I know I shouldn't have because David is going to loan me his friend's new Harry Potter book so I would need time to read that. The friend isn't supposed to know but David was like, "I trust you. Don't let anything happen to it". Hello, it's me you're talking to! I know what it's like to get obsessive about books. I get paranoid if anything happens to any of my books if I lend them to anyone. They go through a more rigourous expection than the bags at the airport. I know that a good way to convince someone to lend you something is to promise to replace the thing with a brand new one if anything happens to it.

So can't wait to read it before I find out anything about it. Last time someone started with "Oh you know when..." I immediately blocked my ears and was like "No! Don't say a word. Lalalalalala. I'm not listening. Lalalalalalala... Are you finished?" David rolled his eyes and said, "So you're one of those Harry Potter people?" and now he enjoys teasing me about it with his, "Do you want to know what happens when..." and "In Harry Potter..." And he hasn't even read it yet.

Anyway, the point was that I shouldn't have gone to the library and gotten more books. I got some easy reading material that I usually finish in a couple of days, but for some reason, the last few light reads like that didn't interest me as much as before. I want to read one of those books that get you completely engrossed and then leave you thinking about the characters and the story for weeks afterwards, until it becomes ingrained in your memory as one of the books you never forget. Any suggestions?

Tired of Nothing

It's weird that the less I do the more tired I get. All day I've been in a state of blurriness. I guess it could be my sore throat and a coming on of a cold but it's most likely that I haven't been doing anything productive or out.

I wanted to catch up on all my library books so I could finish them soon but even though some of them are very good, my eyes were just closing.

I had a nap during the day which is such an old person thing to do. When I woke up, I still felt fazed out.

Ran out of my homoepathic medicine and the clinic didn't have any more in stock so I have to wait a few days without it. Such a relief that I have a reason not to take it.

Craved chocolate and fresh bread all day. I wonder why I never hear of guys ever craving anything specific. It's usually just females.

Watched my tape of Desperate Housewives again. It was weird to see the actor who played the nanny because I remember when she was on Party of Five as a child. She was Claudia's first real friend, who introduced her to smoking and then turned out to have an abusive stepfather and when Claudia told Charlie (the guy who's on Lost now), he took her out of her home. Don't remember what happened to her in the end. But it's cool in a way to see an actor grow up through different shows. Plus, she played on The Practice.

I ended up calling Veronica on Thursday. She's having the absolutely best time at her new job. I wish she stayed at my job longer.

Yesterday I got to do something fun at work which was great. I got access to some production companies film notes and press releases because I had to write a movie synopsis for one that I had to design a promotion for. Did not feel like work at all. Wish every day was like that. It made me more determined to get into the film/television industry. Will wait till this job ends to figure out my next step.

I read my journal that I kept when I was in America. It brought back so many wonderful memories. It feels like it's been a lifetime ago. I know I never ended up writing about the end of my trip. Maybe I will later. Only to relive the experience.

Retail Therapy?

I never understood retail therapy. I find that spending money when I'm feeling depressed makes me more depressed because not only do I end up still feeling bad but I also have less money as a result.

What I do understand is library therapy. Bringing home free books can feel like I've got presents with no guilt attached (as with bought things).

My Favourite Guy

I'm in love with Markus Zusak. I loved him once before, when I was in high school.

No, I've never met him but I feel like I know him more than I know people that I have met.

Yes, I might be going a bit crazy.

A book hasn't affected me as much as "The Messenger" since I don't even remember. Especially the ending. I couldn't even fall asleep because I couldn't stop thinking about it. I felt as if Mark (can I call you that?) was talking directly to me. As if the words reached out from the page and started dancing in my heart.

I had a strong urge to write him a letter, look him up in the phone book or do something drastic. I even imagined meeting him.

Today when I looked him up on the net, I found that last year he gave a public lecture with Melina Marchetta (another favourite author). I'm so annoyed I missed it.

Lots of people idolise music and movie stars. But here I am going crazy about an author. Unlike lots of other books, all Mark's ones are so personal that I feel like I'm reading his inner thoughts. And I can relate to them. And I love them. And I want to marry him.

Just kidding!

Book Quotes

"I ask you: is dullness a gift? intelligence a curse?"
- The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides
(A question I've asked myself many times.)

"I say yes, since it's the only appropriate way of saying no that I can think of at the moment."
- Bachelor Kisses by Nick Earls
(Rings true many times.)