Dreaming of a Life a Little Bit Extraordinary

As I'm growing older, my creativity has slowly disappeared into some deep dark hole and I'm worried I will never get it back.

Maybe it's because my life has gotten busy and exciting, leaving no need for my brain to come up with anything imaginative.

I used to write so much before. Stories just filled my head. Now it's an empty sponge which just absorbs reality.

If you've read my blog from the beginning, you might remember how I used to write scripts with April. It could be due to my lack of writing companion that I can't get out of this frustrating writer's block.

I've been really wanting to enter an annual play-writing competition which is open to anyone. It's not even a film competition where you need equipment. All that's required here is a computer and your brain.

I have come up with general ideas but can't move on to the actual details. Like, the plot. Yeah, a bit of a problem, I know. Being the critic that I am, my other obstacle is that I put down any idea that I come up with, not letting it flourish into something that could possibly be great. I have no faith in my ideas. But realistically, that's because they are just not that good.

Why do I even care about entering this competition? I can't think of a better reason but for the simple fact that I want to do something a little out of the ordinary. A little bit extraordinary.

Sadly I have realised that I'm just your average dreamer who can't finish any challenging project but can only imagine what life would be like if I had.

Fashion on the Other Side of the World

One thing I noticed in POB that I never noticed before was that 80% of young women were tall, skinny, blonde and beautiful. I also noticed that 99% of POBian men werenothing to brag about.

Fashion is a huge thing over there so everybody was really dressed up. What I liked about it was that it wasn't like our baggy trend (e.g. over-sized tops over leggings). Even though they had the leggings trend too, they wore them with nicely-fitted short dresses which for the first time ever made me want to buy a pair.

Although majority of women wore 4 inch heels, no matter where they were going (even the airport), I saw a lot of really comfortable heel shoes which looked really stylish. However, for $300 per pair I had to accept to live without them.

Even jeans were different there. Every pair looked unique. Like the rest of the clothes, they had lots of extra detail that was subtle but looked really good.

It was so much fun just walking around because it felt like being at a fashion show. I was really tempted to get some stuff but then I realised that people here wouldn't understand.

That Box in the Living Room

Is it me or has TV become extremely boring?

I remember only a few years ago, there were several shows I used to watch regularly and now I don't watch anything. There's just nothing good on. It's all the same - cops, doctors, over-dramatised stories. There's nothing genuine, intriguing, sincere... original.

Television in POB was quite different. I'm not going to say it was full of great shows but it didn't follow the same stale format every week. They don't stretch out shows over weeks, they show all episodes daily with a visible end in sight. They also don't just limit their repertoire to one language. I switched on one night and there was a concert in a different language. And it was excellent! Not some wannabe singers but professional ones with education and real talent that they've mastered over the years. And it was so majestic - the stage, the lighting.

The truth is that if they showed something like that here in prime time, no one would watch it. Does that mean that the people here just want the same bland entertainment that doesn't offer much for the brain?

I wonder if people assume that intellectual entertainment is unenjoyable. To me, it's completely the opposite. It's so much more interesting to have your mind opened to something better than the average.

I know most of you probably won't understand what I'm saying because you've grown up in a society where this sort of weekly entertainment is all that you know. Oh well. My blog is for my ramblings.

Basically, I'm annoyed that I can't finish watching a TV show that I started watching there.

Nice Girl

I always liked to think of myself as unique. Turns out I fit a stereotype.

Found this while procrastinating at work:

You are a nice POBian girl if:

• You have set of “home” clothes that you change into after school/work
• All the POBian boys you know are alcoholic, chauvinist, arrogant, materialistic, in IT, but you’re still trying!
• Your parents are waiting for a nice POBian doctor…but they’ll take an American lawyer just the same!
• You know the dirt on every POBian person your age in a ten mile radius (even if you haven’t met them)
• Your mother calls you on a daily basis to make sure you’re dressed warmly and eating well
• You offer all of your guests tea, regardless of season or time of day
• All the grandmothers you know or just met try to set you up with a nice POBian boy from a wonderful family
• You don't sit next to that girl in the cafeteria beacuse your grandmother told your mother that her father's ex-girlfriend is a loose woman and you never know how kids in that kind of family can turn out
• The words "I love you" pale in comparison to [POBian "I love you"]
• POBian pet names are so much better than honey and sweetie
• Whenever your room gets messy you see your Mum shaking her head in disbelief and saying, "But you're a girl!"
• You think showing up to someone's house for dinner (or any occasion for that matter) empty-handed is a criminal offence
• There are constant, constant toasts at parties... First, a toast for our health. Then for the ladies. Then for the children. Then for the lovely hostess. For cousin Andrew for getting into university. For world peace. For the poor souls suffering in Sudan. Anything, to make a toast.
• Your parents say that if you go outside with wet hair you'd get a cold
• You can't have boyfriends when you are 17 but you have to be married at 19.
• Tea + lemon + raspberry jam = the POBian cure for the common cold and everything else
• You were named after someone from your family
• Your grandma always offers you bread at every meal
• You learnt either piano or dancing as a child
• While many of your North American/Australian/Canadian friends' grandmas and mums stayed at home, YOUR grandma was an educated doctor/ dentist/ professor /engineer
• A lullaby was about a wolf who would eat you if you slept on the corner of your bed
• When packing a suitcase, you put everything in plastic bags first
• You love POBian songs because they are more melodic
• You grew up with the expectation of being a model housewife AND a breadwinner
• You have to tell your mother where you are at every minute and what you ate for all the meals of the day
• Your grandparents tell you how you never call... even though you visit them once a week

So turns out I'm not so special after all.

Marrying Young

My relatives came over today to celebrate my Mum's birthday. The conversation steered towards my upcoming wedding. My aunt, Naomi, and her mum were only too eager to impart some advice.

"Sky, do everything while you're still young. Get married, have kids. It gets too hard when you get to your 30s," said Aunt Jemma.

"First time I was pregnant, everything went really easily but the second time when I was 30, I had to have extra tests to make sure the baby was ok. There's a bigger chance something might go wrong," added Naomi.

"Australians here think very differently. They have careers in their twenties and then stop their lives to have kids. What, you have kids and that's it?"

"It's much harder to get back into the workforce when you're older."

I think that sort of mentality I've inherited from POBian culture. It just makes perfect sense to me. My attitude towards marriage and kids is so different to all of my friends. While they think I'm too young to get married, let alone to have kids, I feel like I'd rather do that now then when I'm 30.

First of all, I feel ready and getting married to David is not such a difficult decision. Secondly, even though kids obviously do change your life, I don't plan for my own life to stop because of them. Everyone in my family is a perfect example of how you can have kids and have a life (e.g. satisfying career, travel, going out).

Of course we all have a big support network behind us where there's always a grandparent or an uncle or aunty willing to help out. One woman from work said that her parents don't want to help out with her kids since they've raised theirs and now want a break. So I'm sure once this woman becomes a grandparent, she's going to be very reluctant to help out her kids since she's never gotten any help.

This is how my family is different. Since my grandparents helped to raise me and my brother, my parents would only be too happy to pass on this help to us. And I would be happy to do the same for my own kids. David's family is the same.

I think marriage has bad publicity here with high divorce rates and people wanting to have their independence. In all honesty, a marriage is a partnership, you always have to think about the other person and help them out. That's the beauty of it. You always have someone you can rely on and who will be there and have you as their top priority. I don't mind giving up my independence for that.

I've had more than enough of independence. I just want to depend on somebody.

Short & Sweet

Last night I saw a collection of short plays. I was very impressed because there were no elaborate sets (if any at all) and the costumes were nothing exciting either. However, the script and the acting were enough to completely immerse me in the stories. I still can't get them out of my head.

Everyone was there, except David. He didn't want to go. He really missed out! I knew he would've loved it. As I was watching them, I really wished he was with me to share the fun. Oh well, next time.

There was one about a couple's marriage problems and April and I interpreted it completely differently. It's interesting how being in a relationship, I saw the play in a quite different way.

My Australia Day

What it means to be an Australian to me:

• having a picnic with my close friends (each from a different background) in front of the city's most beautiful view
• watching the theme boats blaring out party music
• getting sunburnt no matter how many times I put on sunscreen - the sun always finds a spot I missed
• listening to free bands
• having dinner at a Korean restaurant with the most fun guy on the planet
• standing in a huge crowd watching the firework spectacle in the sky

Now, to the gossip details.

Amelia brought a shisha. Being the innocent and sheltered person that I am, I had no idea what it was. When she said the word 'smoking', I thought she didn't really mean smoking, but some novelty thing.

April sensed my confusion and motioned with her face that Amelia really was planning on smoking. To say I was shocked would be a bit of an understatement. I knew Amelia was a little crazy but I never thought she could be so stupid. April later said she wasn't surprised.

Since Christine's 11 year old cousin was there, I said to Amelia, "Do you think it's a good idea to smoke that with kids around?" and she replied, "Parents smoke around their kids all the time".

That was a different low. I felt like I lost a friend. I can never respect Amelia again. I don't feel like talking to her. To say something like that... I just had no words.

April and I went for a walk and I found plenty of words to tell her. April was kind enough to listen to how I just couldn't believe Amelia, alhough she wasn't shocked in the slightest.

I expected such things from Christine, but never Amelia. And to say that it was ok to smoke in front of kids 'cause other parents did it! That was just too much. What happend to considering that other adults (not just kids) might not want to inhale smoke and kill their lungs?

The stupidity and selfishness of that all... argh.

Later when a colourful boat with dancers on board came close to where we were and Amelia said to me, "Come on Sky! Let's go and say hello," I just mumbled that I was happy in the shade and didn't want to walk over to the water. She said, "I'm going, life is too short" and happily bounced along the grass in her short white summer dress.

I saw her wave to the boat and remembered her in year 8 at school, when she was a nerdy kid. Would've never expected that plain girl to turn out into someone with a lot of style but no concept of reality.

April said that I just chose to ignore all the hints of Amelia's strange behaviour and just saw her friendly and normal side. I mean let's look at the facts:
- she went out with a married man
- hangs around Georgia (a very disturbed girl)
- brought a baseball bat for her work "for protection"
- went on about inflicting bad revenge on the married guy 'cause she 'thought' (or maybe she knew) that he took advantage of her when she was drunk.

It all adds up.

I told April that I felt like I couldn't believe anyone was sane anymore. I said that if April started smoking and drinking a lot, the world was upside down. April replied, "I can promise you I won't smoke". I waited for her to say the same about getting drunk but she just laughed knowingly.

Now to Part 2 of the day.

After the picnic, April and I met up with Ella and Liz. Liz's relatively new boyfriend came a little later. I was interested in meeting him 'cause he was POBian and also because Liz always complained about him but desperately waited for his calls anyway. I saw him for a minute on NYE but that wasn't enough to form any impressions.

The 10 minutes of seeing him yesterday formed a very strong impression of him. And not a positive one. He pretty much went on about her breast. I don't know if he was trying to be funny but it was getting seriously awkward. Ella, April and I weren't even saying anything anymore but he just went on and on! He was sounding like an immature 15 year old, not a 27 year old man.

After that incident when that guy went to talk on the phone, Liz asked us, "Is he crazy or am I?". Although Liz is crazy, this time it was definitely her boyfriend who was was very inappropriate.

April and I agreed that if you had a problem with you boyfriend, you should go and tell him how bad he made you feel with his comments, not complain to your girlfriends. I bet he didn't even realise how his words affected her.

Later I met up with David and told him about my eventful day. He said he always knew Amelia was weird and the fact that she smoked didn't come as a surprise to him. About Liz's boyfriend, he said if he was there, he'd tell the idiot to be quiet. He said that you don't focus other people's attention to your girlfriend's body, you have to be the one to protect her from others and show respect and not embarrass her. Then he said, "We are the only normal couple".

I think the only people I can really trust is April and David.

Who's the Prettiest One of All?

Read an article today that POBian women are considered to be one of the most beautiful in the world (along with other countries in that region). I almost laughed. That article received many comments which showed that beauty is in the eye if the beholder.

Some men had a thing for Asian women, others liked Latin American ones. One guy said that even though he found Slavic and Scandinavian women hot, his Aussie girlfriend had the best sense of humour (i.e. she could open a beer bottle with her teeth - just hilarious).

One guy said that he liked POBian women because of their "big deep arctic" eyes and because "not only do they have hot bodies, they also, like, read".

Since I'm very likely going to go to POB in 6 months, I'll be sure to check out all the 'hot women' 'cause last time I've been there, I couldn't see them.

But yes, there are some very good looking POBian women, too bad there aren't any similiar POBian men. Such a rare thing to see a 'hot' POBian male. Not that I'm looking or anything. (And anyway, after David, I don't find Caucasian men attractive anymore.)

Actually I have a little secret that I'll share with you. Last night I dreamt that I met a very hot POBian guy who was deeply intelligent and just so deliciously witty I was ready to leave David. Now I feel a little guilty that my subconscience was capable of that.

I guess I have to face reality that that guy in my dreams doesn't exist and that even though David is not 'perfect', who freaking is? Right?

As I was checking my blog stats, I noticed someone from POB found my website and looked through it. Don't know why but I got a little excited. Doubt they realised I was from there too.

My work life has been so lifeless that I was planning on joining a theatre group. I emailed several about membership and they all have annual fees. I don't want to pay $40 for something I'm not even sure I'd like. I'm not interested in painting sets or acting and it didn't look like they give you opportunities to assist with production/casting/directing. I was hoping I could just go and have a look first but I don't think that's a possibility. I guess me being part of theatre life was not meant to be.

Wish things would come easier. Like opportunities just presenting themselves to me.

Like in POB, I was just asked if I wanted to participate in musicals. I didn't have to go and find them. Oh well.

I'm going to go and immerse myself in my POBian show. Need to switch off reality for a little while.