The adventures of an ambitious 23 year old who just wants to settle down with the Right Guy.
I was listening to a morning show on the radio when I heard "We have to stop the show for some breaking news that has just come in."
My ears perked up and my heart started beating faster. Was there a huge mass attack somewhere? Did a famous person die, been murdered? Was the world coming to an end?
No, a Melbourne Cup horse wasn't in the race anymore. Woah, that's the sort of news that stops a show? I couldn't believe my ears. Gotta love Australia.
Sometimes when I look over at David (usually in his car, going somewhere) I can't believe he's my boyfriend. When will this feeling wear off?
We had a minor argument. About politics. He said to me, "I try not to talk about it but you always bring it up".
"I just mentioned the London thing and you said they deserved it!!!"
"The innocent people didn't deserve to die but the government had it coming."
"Violence isn't the way to solve problems."
"I'm all for negotiations! But US didn't negotiate with Saddam Hussein"
"Saddam Hussein is insane!"
"So was the Syrian guy. He was a murderer and they negotiated with him!"
"I can't talk to you about this."
"There's one way to solve that"
"What's that?"
"Us not seeing each other anymore"
"No."
"No?"
"I don't like that solution."
So we made up. But I felt weird inside because I realised that there really was no chance for a future for us. His views were too different. He said it was because he was from South America and everyone there shared his perspective.
After that, we managed to have some good conversation. I found out more about his past. And told him about mine. It was so good to talk to him about what I was like and how I managed to go through all my teenage years without a boyfriend. Told him I started to think that I'd never meet anyone. He said he felt like he was the lucky one to meet me because I was so different to others girls he's been with. And watching me play piano was fascinating and the he liked how I did artistic stuff like that. All those painful years of practising piano finally has extra benefits. Then, he said some really sweet things which really made me stuck for words. I said, "You always say such nice things to me" and he replied, "You deserve it".
He, then, surprised me. He told me that when he asked me about what time the bus came that very first time we met, he knew what time it came and that it wasn't his first time catching it. And that he didn't even see my face properly. And that I was the fourth person he talked to at the bus stop. The first two times, were some guys and the third was a girl who turned out to be in one of his subjects. So I told him about my Bus Guy Collection and that I thought he was just another addition.
I wasn't even offended that he lied. I was happy he did because I would still be single if he hadn't. I told as long as he didn't lie about the important things, I didn't care.
Also talked about more personal things. I made it clear I wasn't going to sleep with him because I didn't want to have sex if love wasn't involved. Didn't say that I didn't want to have it until I got married, but love and marriage are pretty much intertwined for me because I'd want to marry the guy I fall in love with.
I was watching closely for his reaction for any signs of how he felt about what I said. He didn't act surprised or taken aback or anything like that. He said that even though he was a guy and people expected him to want to sleep with girls, he couldn't act like that. He couldn't have the physical without the emotional. He said he did that before and didn't feel too good about it and that it wasn't worth it. He said he was perfectly happy just being with me.
Anyway, that was good to sort out so he knew how I felt about that. He's pretty good with stuff like that. He always tells me to tell him to slow down if I feel it's getting too much. It makes it easier to like him when he doesn't pressure me about that stuff.
Damn, if only we could sort out the religion/politics problem, it would be perfect.
I absolutely cannot wait till this weekend. Not just because I get to see David. And not just because we're going to go dancing on Saturday. And not because there's going to be a party for the film crew.
I can't wait because it's going to be the first weekend when I won't have smoke in my clothes and hair after going clubbing. I will be able to enjoy clean air while dancing and talking and I won't have memories of it in fumes absorbed in my clothes.
I haven't been as excited about this for ages.
I have been reading Katie's journal since the end of last year and I always thought of it as an ongoing novel (not a real person's life) but now something happened that is so typically fictional that I'm finding it very hard to believe that it's actually a very sad and tragic reality. (Her boyfriend died after she broke up with him although she loved him but just wanted some freedom to go out with other guys while she was still young.) I just can't get my head around that what happened to her is completely horrible. I feel really sad for her and can't even imagine what she's going through. What a horrible weight she must carry on her shoulders knowing that she didn't part with the person she loved on happy terms and then he died and she didn't tell him how much she loved him. Could there be anything worse than that? I hope not.
Speaking of tragedies, how terrible is it that those siamese twins both died right before the end of their surgery? I don't know why but I thought that everything would turn out good and that they'd both live.
I really should stop believing in happy endings in real life.
at 10:50 am
I haven't talked about this issue in my blog before but I do think a lot about it, especially when I'm with other people (eg. trains, uni). I have been getting a bit paranoid about it.
You know how everyone's been told that to avoid it, you have to wash your hands often? Think about it. It's not that simple. Imagine the following scenario:
1. You have the SARS virus on your hands.
2. You go to the bathroom to wash your hands.
3. You use your hands to turn on the tap.
4. The tap has the SARS virus.
5. You wash your hands off the SARS virus.
6. You use your hands to turn off the tap (which has the SARS virus on it).
7. You have the SARS virus on your hands.
The cycle continues.
I hope everyone knows that if you wash your hands, you have to turn the tap on/off using something other than your hands.
I can't not mention that war has started. Not that anyone doesn't know. I'm sure all the news networks are heaven, now that they have something interesting to report on.
A few people marched into my lecture today to announce the beginning of war through a megaphone. At first everyone heard them through the walls. I got scared because I didn't realise what was happening. It was like they were announcing that war has started at uni.
Everyone has got such strong opinions about the whole thing. I'm against the war but what if the US intelligence knows something that we don't and are not telling us to not cause mass hysteria? What if this secret information gives them no alternative? Maybe I've been watching 24 too much. But what if..?
I have some time to kill before uni today so I was reading the CNN web site. I was never one of those people that's very interested in news but lately I've been reading and watching them quite a bit.
Stories that caught my eye:
World
Bahrain offers exile to Saddam
It'd be good if Saddam Hussein agreed and then Bahrain would give him up to the US who would jail the psycho for life. They'd probably torture and kill him to save jail space and because they are the US.
Technology
Looking into the mind of a virus writer
Interesting but scary. Makes me want to save all the computer's files on disk.
Science and Space
Searching for life in outer space
Those signals will probably turn out to be something really minor because that's what usually happens, unfortunately.
Health
Mystery bug may be common virus
After reading this, I started running out of breath. I'm such a hypochondriac.
Count cigarettes for lung cancer risk
I so passionately hate smoking that maybe this new piece of information will motivate people to quit or never start!
Education
Judge: No suspension for candy with religious message
Can you even imagine something like that happening in Australia?
Well, that's the news for today.
Did I make myself do something that I normally wouldn’t do, just so I can write about it in this journal, as I originally planned? A big fat NO. I didn’t do anything worth writing about so I’ll write what I did that isn’t worth writing about.
I wrote some new ideas to improve April’s and my show. When I went online to send it, I got a revised version of Episode 1 that is completely different to the original one from April. I liked some parts of it but not others. I’m usually pretty straight forward about what I like and what I don’t because otherwise what’s the point of writing the show together? We need each other’s honest opinions. That’s why we make a good team. The one thing I don’t like is that although she writes well, she can’t make the characters talk differently. They all sound the same. I know it’s extremely difficult to pretend to be a completely different person and I don’t pretend to be good at it either but I think that’s one of the main things that’s ruining our show. I mentioned it to her but she can’t change. She makes all the characters sound really intelligent (because she is) but their dialogue just doesn’t sound real. It even started to remind me of the way they talk in Dawson’s Creek. Oh well, at least I’m not writing the show by myself. Then the dialogue would be really dumb since I don’t have enough general knowledge to make clever references the way she does. We’ll see what happens with the whole project.
I looked for new things to add to my web log.
I added stuff to the revised Episode 1 and wrote some for another episode. Hope April likes it.
Then I read “Teach Yourself Applied Psychology”. I love that sort of stuff. The book is pretty general though and doesn’t teach you how to manipulate people and play with their minds. Damn. What’s the point of knowing how people think when you can’t have fun with them? I believe that “Knowledge is Power” but I learnt that some knowledge is completely useless.
Mum, Dad and I were talking about house searching (which is what my parents have been doing for the last year). Dad asked what I thought about living in a rented flat for a while to save money. I said I liked the idea (’cause I’d be close to transport). He said it’ll only be in 2 years which means I’d finish uni by then. Then Mum goes, “You might be married by then”. Yeah, I wish. And Dad says straight away in this smug know-it-all tone, “I don’t think that will be happening”. Thanks, Dad! It’s really nice to be confirmed your worst fears. It’s nice to know that your father doesn’t think you will get married. I shut up ‘cause I knew I was going to cry if I opened my mouth. To fill the silence, Dad adds, “You need a boyfriend first”. I stayed in the kitchen for another minute as if I didn’t care what he said. Then I casually left, went to the bathroom and cried. Sometimes truth hurts the most.
After I calmed down and switched on the computer, he comes up. Here’s the conversation:
Dad: Aren’t you sick of your wallpaper? [I have the Microsoft “Autumn” desktop and he has the standard turquoise one]
Me: no, it suits my personality
Dad: my one suits mine
Me: yeah -- boring.
He deserved it, although I feel guilty hurting his feelings. Why does my conscience have to nag at me when it’s not necessary?
This entry got quite depressing. I don’t mean to make this blog full of complaints and depressing thoughts. I want it to have a positive outlook on life even when it’s not that positive. I don’t want to use you as free therapy. I’m sure you don’t either.
