Magic

Magic

After watching my tape of yesterday's episode of "Felicity", it got me interested in Wicca. If you read my blog, you'd know that I'm not a fan of religion but this one sounds interesting. Of course, they say that it's not like magic that you see on TV, unfortunately, but it's still interesting to pretend that magic spells work. I can only believe in something if I've experienced it. And sometimes, even I have experienced something, I still don't believe in it.

Take for example, astral projection (out of body experience). After I read a book about it, I thought I'd try it just for fun because according to the information about it, all I had to do was when I was dreaming and was conscious of that (which I used to be all the time), I could make my 'soul' come out of my body and do whatever I wanted without my physical body.

So one time when in the dream, I realised I was dreaming, I had the weirdest experience that, although was probably just a dream, freaked me out so much that I'm too scared to try it again. Basically, somehow I got out of my body and felt fully conscious of this and I saw myself sleeping. I got scared that if I left or moved, I wouldn't be able to get back into my body so in matter of seconds, I woke up. I haven't had a dream in which I was conscious of it since then.

Although it would be great if that was real astral projection, my skeptic mind tells me that it was just a really weird dream. I just can't get out of my head how conscious I felt when I was looking at myself sleeping. I've had dreams where I felt extremely conscious and could logically think in them but never like that one.

I had a dream tonight where another blogger wrote that my blog was the 2nd most entertaining one that she read. God, I'm even having dreams about my blog! That's worrying.

I hate having a sore throat. I'm already imagining long quite lectures where I will be the only one coughing horribly and making my eyes water, my nose runny and my face red. Why is it that no one has thought of an effective cure for the common cold?

I've just read some blogs written by 30/40 year old adults, talking about their non-existent love lives. I'm scared I'm just going to be one of them. This is too depressing.

Social Circles

On Monday when April caught my train (completely unplanned) and she asked me if I've met any SCGs on Saturday, I got really paranoid that someone on that crowded train reads my blog and would recognise me just from that. So I think I'll stop decoding April and my abbreviations. Although I'll get paranoid anyway because it's not often that you hear people on trains speaking in code.

I finally told Andrew about Saturday and all he said was that it just goes to show that if I want to meet new people, I should stop hanging out with my quiet friends and hang out with people like Nadine. He thinks that the whole reason why I don't have a boyfriend is because my friends are not very outgoing and don't have close friends outside our group which makes it impossible to meet new people. Well, except for Christine whose uni girl friends are pretty cool. Her guy friends are too weird for my liking.

Anyway, I think I need new friends. Not to replace old ones, of course, but to expand my social circle. And they have to be not like the usual people that I hang out with. Even at uni, I'm already clinging to people like my high school friends. It's like a habit.

I saw Lara on Monday. She's nothing like my usual friends but we still always find stuff to talk about. I need more friends like that.

I think the fact that I went to an all girls high school has had a strong influence on my social skills. I can always make friends with girls but find it hard to have guy friends. I never thought that going to a girls school would cause so many problems. Because if you think about it, most people make close friends in high school so how am I supposed to have guy friends if there weren't any guys at my school? I know it doesn't stop some people but I'm not like those people.

Letting It Out

I chatted with April about Saturday and feel a bit better. Andrew hasn't been very understanding about the whole thing 'cause he doesn't seem to care. I'm glad there's always someone I could talk to about this stuff. And there's always this blog, but it's not the same. I'm one of those people who likes to talk about things. I can't keep stuff inside. Although I don't tell everything to everyone, just the special few.

Life Is Unfair

I came home at 7:30am today. I'm not tired at all. Really. I just feel horrible because I found out that life is officially unfair. Yeah, I know some of you already knew that.

I finally found a guy that seemed to be really suited to me. But of course he has a girlfriend -- Nadine! I don't understand what really intelligent and nice quiet guys see in not so intelligent crazy irrational loud girls. If that’s the way it is, it’s an impossibility for me to find RG because my RG won’t see me as his RG.

I also noticed an interesting thing. When I go with my friends to the club that we went to yesterday, there were never any sleazy guys around but yesterday, when I was there with Nadine and her friends, it seemed that the whole club was populated with jerks. It was disgusting.

There was this weird looking guy, who I thought was one of Nadine’s friends’ friends. who was hanging around us the whole time so I decided to talk to him in case he was a really nice person. I asked him how he knew Nadine’s friend and he said that he just met her when we got to the club. I was talking to the guy as if he was one of our friends and he turned out to be some complete stranger that no one knew anything about! I tried to avoid him after that. That was really bad.

I also must stop smiling shyly at guys that I talk to because they think I’m coming onto them. They don’t realise that I can’t help it.

Nadine’s friends are absolutely crazy, except her guy friends who are all pretty quiet. One cute Spanish (I think) guy (Nadine’s friend) told Nadine that one of her friends was really hot and that girl was far from what I thought most people would consider as ‘hot’. Some people’s tastes are so bizarre. Her other friends were the most loud people I’ve ever met. They were nice though.

By midnight, Nadine got completely drunk. She told me that the only reason her boyfriend left was because I was completely sober so I could make sure that she was all right. So he trusted me to look after his drunk girlfriend, although he wouldn’t give me (someone who can look after herself) a second glance. Life is unfair. I know I shouldn’t like someone who doesn’t like me, that’s just stooping too low, but I can’t help it.

Nadine is not the best person to be around when she’s totally drunk, especially in the middle of the night in the City. She talked to any person who walked by, including creepy guys who started following us, but not for too long, fortunately. That was kinda a bit scary. She kept making stupid comments and singing on top of her lungs, attracting weirdos. I swear I’m never going out with her again. Another one of her friends was with us who although was completely sober, acted like she was drunk too and sang on top of her lungs as well, so her soberness didn’t mean a thing. Another one of her friends was even crazier than Nadine. She was telling us how when she went to some place, it was really stupid because “Not even one guy tried to chat [her] up! What [is she], ugly?!” Then some of her other friends were also into being drunk so they fully told me the details of their love lives. That was entertaining for a while, although again I was pointed out how unfair life is because these drunk girls had guys who liked them and I didn’t.

Max messaged me yesterday but I don’t feel like talking to him anymore, after yesterday. I know I said I want to meet him ‘cause we could be really good friends but I have enough of really good friends and don’t need anymore. And I’d never go out with him because I can’t be attracted to someone who’s dumber than me. So meeting him would be completely pointless.

Anyway, after yesterday, I decided that I’m over wanting a boyfriend. I don’t want any. There are too many dumb and sleazy guys, and all the good ones like girls that are opposite of me in personality. So what’s the point?

I feel really bitter at the moment. I’m sure you can tell.

Bravenet is getting all annoying again. It won't let me see visitors' IP addresses!!!

Relationships

I’m going to Nadine’s party tomorrow night. The one that all her friends are going to. I have a bad feeling about it but it’s probably just nervousness at the thought of being around lots of very loud people. I know that if I won’t go, I’ll regret it. Here’s my chance to meet new people, although I think I’ve met most of them before and didn’t particularly like them. It’d be good if my friends could come but if they will, I know I won’t talk to anyone else.

I talked with Nadine on the phone for a couple of hours tonight. It was weird. We fully talked about things that we used to talk about when we were close, i.e. guys, friends and relationships, not general stuff that we talked about lately (although we can talk about general stuff for hours too).

She told me about how one of her friends (I think I mentioned Netta before), who is about 25, and really wants to get married and have kids, is really good friends with a guy (who’s perfect for her) but doesn’t want to go out with him because she “doesn’t want to ruin the friendship”. That kind of reason irritates me so much!!!! It would be perfect to have a relationship with someone who you’re best friends with. Can’t people just get over their “Dawson’s Creek” melodrama?!!! Arghh!!!

Nadine offered to find me a guy. I told her not to, although I didn’t mean it. I’m just worried that she’ll embarrass me. I asked for her to find a guy for April. It’s less embarrassing to ask her to find guys for my friends, rather than for myself. I’ll have to ask her again. I should be beyond embarrassment. If she knows someone for me, then why not? Right?

Sometimes I wonder how Nadine and I became such good friends in the first place. We’re complete opposites, yet I can talk to her, like I can talk to April. Although we keep drifting apart sometimes, we always drift back again.

April came to uni with me on Thursday. That was totally cool! She needed to use my uni’s library so while I had the lecture, she went there, and then we caught the train back home. It was almost like school.

In my web design class on Wednesday, there are two girls who always giggle together about not very funny things and the tutor said they act like sisters. That made me miss April heaps ‘cause we were like that at school. All the teachers (and students) always associated us together. Once at a parent teacher interview, my teacher told my Mum that I got the similar marks as April, as if my Mum wanted to know how April went.

On the train, people turned around because we were laughing so loud and having a conversation that made no sense to anyone else 'cause we abbreviate some words (that we use all the time) e.g. SCG (smart cute guy) and some others so our conversation is all coded.

Sometimes, though, I’m glad that she doesn’t go to my uni because out of all my friends, she’s the one that I’d keep in touch with no matter how far we were, and if she went to my uni, I’d probably end up hanging out with her all the time.

On Wednesday, I found out that the baby-faced guy (that I mentioned before) catches my train. I think he recognised me. He’s not that baby-faced actually. He was quite all right though. I didn’t talk to him though. Did you think I would?!

Today on the train I saw this guy who was so absorbed in a book that he looked really cute. He looked like Rodin’s sculpture “The Thinker” with a book (and clothes). I came up with the following scenario that would be nice if it happened:

I see the guy, reading a book that I want to read but can’t find anywhere. I come up to the guy and say: Oh my gosh! Where did you get that book?!! I’ve been looking for it EVERYWHERE!

The guy: I got it as a present. Would you like to borrow it?

Me: Could I?!

He gives me his phone number so I could call him when I’ll be finished with the book so I could return it. We then meet up so I could give him back the book. We discuss the book and mention another book (that one of us has). So the other one asks to borrow it. So we keep meeting up to discuss books for a while and then decide that we like each other so much that we stop talking about books and talk about other things too.

Yes, this is how I entertain myself on the train. Don’t laugh!

Max messaged me. I don’t know what to do about him. Alice (a girl at Nadine’s family birthday party) said a very smart thing. She said that the most important thing about liking guys is not to obsess over them.

Just had a talk with Mum about getting married. I think she used to go out with a guy like Max. The weird thing was that she wouldn’t tell me how they met. Sound familiar?!!! The guy even proposed to her, but she decided that she couldn’t live with him for the rest of her life, although he was a really nice guy.

I’m going to meet Max soon. I’m serious. I know I’ve been saying it for a while but it’s been a bad time.

I asked Mum if she ever went out with a guy who she knew she had no future with and she said that she did when she had no one at the time. Poor guys!

I’m turning out to be like my Mum. That’s scary!

I was also saying that looks matter and she said that although they do, if you love a person you won’t notice his looks. I can understand that but looks matter before you get to love a guy.

She said how when at her work Christmas party last year, one of her colleagues said that she couldn’t believe that such a good looking woman had a not so good looking husband! My Mum said that the woman is completely stupid. My Dad isn’t even that ugly. It’s just my Mum is really pretty. She’s not like a model but her face is like an actress. I don’t really look like my Mum, unfortunately, although some people say I do. I think I look like my grandma (when she was younger!)

I’m so curious now about how my Mum met that guy who proposed to her. There was no internet then. And she said that she met him herself, i.e. no one introduced them. She must be embarrassed about it, even though so many years went by. I’m so curious now! I think if I married Max (which by the way will never happen), I’d tell my kids how I met him, even though I’m embarrassed about it now.

Anyway, I blabbed on enough for tonight.

Nadine, The Drama Queen

I went to Nadine's birthday (family) party. There's so much to write but I don't feel like it now. Every time something like what happened happens and I go home, I feel really awful and frustrated and annoyed and depressed and I HATE it!!!

Why do I have to be the one who is always there for her when she's never there for me?! She is the most complicated person I know (and probably don't know too). And the biggest drama queen. I just can't deal with it anymore!

And she always makes me think (indirectly) about how I will never find RG and I really don't like her for that. I've been doing a pretty good job not thinking about RG, thanks mainly to April (cos when we talk about it, it's seems ridiculous and we can laugh about it together) and Claudia and Christine because they make me forget about wanting RG because of their distractions with other topics. The three of them were doing a really good job of making me not sad about not having RG.

And then today, Nadine just made me feel terrible about my non-existant RG. She didn't do it intentionally but she did it anyway. She was in a really bad mood and was going off at everyone at the party except me. So we went to her room to talk and she wouldn't tell me anything specific. She'd just said how she has a lot of "friendship, relationship and other problems". Apparently she had a boyfriend for the last 3 months that she obviously hasn't told me about. I hate how after not talking to me for months, she spills all these little hints to what's been going on with her and I'm supposed to be all understanding. Not once did she ask me any questions. She went on about some other things (because she was all emotional and had no one to talk to). She wouldn't have told me if she wasn't depressed or in other circumstances.

Maybe I'm just envious that she had all these relationships when she's this over-emotional self-centred drama queen while I haven't had any. I think that's what makes me so tired of her.

Ok, I think I'm going to sleep now.

Australian Idol - Close To Home

Yesterday, Christine asked us, "Would you be embarrassed if I entered Austrlian Idol?". I couldn't help myself and cracked up laughing. Then I pulled myself together and asked her if she was serious. She was. Poor poor disillusioned Christine.

She can carry a tune but her voice is nothing special. Of course, I didn't say that. I told her that if she does go, then could she please get some singing lessons beforehand or enter a smaller competition to see what it's like. She said that she might get singing lessons.

She also said that she's pretty confident that she might get through. I asked her if she'd be upset if she didn't and she said that depends on whether whoever was chosen was better than her. (So if he/she's better, she wouldn't get upset.) I said that if they chose someone worse, there'd be no point in getting upset because the competition wouldn't be fair.

I think she has seriously thought about it because she was saying how females usually vote for guys and guys don't really vote. She asked if we would vote for her. April said only if she liked how Christine performed. Claudia said that she would. Then Christine said, "Well, at least I have one loyal friend." But then Claudia said in her small innocent voice, "I'll SMS though ICQ cos it's free".

I think we shattered Christine's dreams and any evidence of loyalty that she thought she had.

I told her that I'd watch her, if she got on TV.

I think the reason "Australian Idol" got so many people auditioning was because some of those hopefuls never got told that they are not really that good at singing.

Personal Reminders

What to do to reduce stress:
1. Stop obsessing about EVERYTHING!!!
2. Stop procrastinating, leaving work to pile up with not enough time to do it.
3. Concentrate on positive things.
4. Reduce computer use -- think of poor eyes!
5. Stop eating when stressed and not hungry.
6. Relax
7. Follow the above!

For once, I can't think of a title for an entry

How could I not realise the joys of online messaging earlier?

The only time I used ICQ was to chat with Max (or other people I didn't know).

But for the last few weeks, I've talked with my friends through MSN and it's not that much worse than the phone. April and I had the funniest conversations. I actually talk to her more now than I did before since we're both on the net at the same time.

I'm going over to Claudia's house tomorrow for a small party (i.e. just me, Claud, April, Christine, Beth and maybe Emma; Amelia is working). Should be fun, as usual. April and I will probably stay over cause we can't get home otherwise since Claudia lives quite far.

Guess what?! Nadine decided to invite me to her birthday party which is next Saturday. This Sunday is just the family celebration which was why her Mum invited our whole family and Nadine hasn't said a word about it to me. I hope there'll be some smart cute guys there. April was imagining nice scenarios of how I could meet a guy there. They were all 100% unrealistic. They were quite entertaining, nonetheless.

Knowing Nadine and her friends, they will all get drunk quite quickly and start acting... uhm... drunk which will put me in an awkward situation. Usually my friends and I don't drink much but act drunk anyway but it's no fun acting drunk when all the other people really are drunk.

As I told April, a perfect scenario would be if everyone got drunk except me and some nice guy and we would bond over our non-drunken state and make fun of all the drunk people and afterwards make up embarrassing situations that the drunk people have gotten themselves into.

Not happening.

I've just been checking out Top Blogs and all the top places are taken by 'adults only' category. Honestly, can't people be interested more in intellectual topics?! Not that my blog is very intellectual but you have to have some brains to follow my confusing thought processes.

Actually, this got me thinking that my blog doesn't have anything that stimulates the brain cells. It's just a soap opera without anything happening. Almost like "Passions".

Can't wait to see "The Diary Of Ann Frank" on Sunday. I've never read the book but the movie looks interesting.

Weekend

Nadine's party is this Sunday and I still didn't get her a present. I can't believe that Nadine still hasn't personally invited me. Her Mum invited our family so my Mum can get something from 'all of us'. I hate getting Nadine presents cause no matter how hard I try to find something she likes, I never do. I remember on her 13th (I think) birthday I gave her something (that I don't remember now) and she said to me, "I really like your present but I love the ring that my cousin gave me". She's the only person I know that will tell you if she likes your present or not. The funny thing is that I've never liked any present that she gave me. I only liked what she wrote in my cards (which was always personal and touching and funny).

I'll probably be going to Claudia's this Saturday. I probably shouldn't cause I have so much uni work but it's not likely for me to be doing it after 5pm anyway.

Need Cure For Procrastination

I hate the feeling of procrastination. I so should be doing an assignment, but I can't make myself. Although it's only due next Thursday, I have other assignments that I have to do before then. I just want to get it out of the way. I can only fully concentrate in the mornings and there just isn't enough time in the mornings. I'm too sleepy in the afternoon and too tired in the evenings (although not as much as in the afternoons). Maybe I'll get some energy later on. Please!!! I need to concentrate and I can't right now.

I didn't even go to uni today so I could finish a part of an assignment. I never pay much attention to today's lecture anyway. It's completely irrelevant to my future career.

Yesterday in Web Design, we had to redo a webpage in 2 hours and I couldn't make a good one. I knew it was bad but I didn't know what to change but the lecturer didn't know that I knew it was bad so he came and told me about specific things that made it bad (which I already knew) and didn't help. But now he knows me as the girl who is mediocre and I don't like being known as mediocre.

At school, I was one of the people that everyone knew as being good at design stuff, but at uni I have to prove myself again and for some reason I can't. I want to be really good at something but I can't find anything that I'm really good at. I'm just better at design that at other things. That doesn't mean I'm actually good at it. I'm not even sure if it's something I really like. I just know that I like it more than I like other things. I want to do something I'm passionate about (but who doesn't?).

The only things I'm passionate about is reading, TV and friends. How can I combine these into a career?!

Cravings

I've been craving chocolate for the last couple of weeks. Probably 'cause I haven't had any for a while before then. And I was always a chocaholic. I'm trying to eat healthy. At least for this week! I need to lose some weight.

I've got a haircut yesterday. Isn't that exciting news! I knew you'd want to hear about it.

Sorry, I can't help being sarcastic. My future goal is to be less sarcastic.

Although, I said that Bachelor 3 isn't addictive, I still watched it. I can't wait till the show the girl version, ie. where a girl chooses a guy. Then I'll have some fun. I don't understand how the bachelors always think that a number of ladies could be their wives. They must be very compatible with a lot of people. If you put me in a room with 30 guys, I probably won't like any of them. How can they find so many people that they can really connect with?

It does not seem very realistic to me.

There was a cute guy in today's tutorial, but I still haven't spoken to him. There was even an empty seat next to him but of course I didn't sit there 'cause there wasn't any space for my friends and it'd look weird if I sat away from them. If only April was in the tutorial. She'd understand.

Under The Table

When I met up with Amelia and Claudia today, a very funny thing happened. We were just sitting, eating lunch when all of a sudden, Amelia sees her stalker who sat down a few tables away from us. Then in matter of seconds, Amelia kneels down next to her chair and goes under the table!

The cafeteria was crowded so all people at near tables are looking at what she's doing while Claudia and I were cracking up laughing. So it looked like everyone was staring and we were laughing at an empty chair since people further away (ie. Amelia's stalker) couldn't see that Amelia was next to it, under the table. So her stalker started looking into our direction to see what was going on. Then Amelia started peaking to see if he was still there so you could only see the top of her head and eyes above the table. Strangely, her stalker didn't see her.

After he left, all Amelia would do is look out the window to see if he was coming back. Talk about being paranoid! It was quite funny for me and Claudia, though!

7 Phases Of Obsession

I’m not sure whether I just like obsessing or if I really can’t help it. No matter how many times I tell myself that I shouldn’t be thinking of Max, I just don’t listen to myself. What happened to the times when I totally didn’t care? Were there even times like that? For as long as I’ve known Max, my attitude towards him, I’ve noticed (due to constant recent obsession) follows a cycle of:

1. distant liking
2. really liking
3. denial of really liking
4. admittance of really liking (due to non-caring whether I really like him)
5. obsessive liking
6. dislike
7. not caring

… and back to 1.

Sometimes the cycle varies a bit, but mainly sticks to those 7 phases.

I feel like Bridget Jones about Mark when she kept telling herself that she didn’t want him at all but every time the phone rang, she hoped it was him.

I know that the only thing that would stop my obsessing is another guy (i.e. not going to happen).

I never obsess about anything, except a guy. I think that’s a bad trait in my personality.

I wonder what Max would think if he knew. I know that if some guy would obsess over me, I’d react depending on who the guy was. If I didn’t like him, I’d be quite scared. But if, for example, Max was obsessing over me, I wouldn’t mind at all.

Stranger

Guess who called?!!!

No, not Max.

Nadine!

I almost didn't even recognise her. Can you imagine?! Here's the beginning of the conversation (as accurately as I can remember).

me: hello?
[silence]
me: hello?
N [in the smallest voice]: hi
me[not recognising her]: hi
N: do you recognise me?
me: Nadine! I can't believe it's you!
N: Oh my God. You don't even recognise me anymore.

I talked with her as we usually did before. Not like someone you haven't spoken to for months. The first thing she asked me was how I was feeling. It turns out that she heard that I had an operation. My Mum told her Mum who told her. My Mum doesn't even talk to her Mum that much. When she had time to tell her beats me. Do you see now why I (and Andrew) don't tell my Mum anything? She blabs it to people that she doesn't even like.

She told me about her trip. To every tiny detail such as the food she had. She said that she didn't tell me that she was going because she didn't even know she was going until the very end and then she had exams. It's no excuse though because it doesn't take that much time to call and say that she was leaving for a month. Anyway, I'm over it. It's not like I told her about the operation.

You should've heard what she's been up to there. She fully told off some woman who couldn't keep her 4 children quiet on the train (from one city to another). Then she said that the woman looked like she was going to punch her but then the other passengers started clapping which shut up the woman. Then she told off some shopkeeper who was rude. The woman was so scared that she was polite from then on. Then she told off some more people. Although some of the people might've deserved it, some didn't. But that's Nadine for you. She can be as mean as she can be nice.

She also told me about some American girl who thought we ride kangaroos in Australia. Nadine told her that we also have cars to which the girl asked her how we travel if we don't have cars. Nadine said that then you can "hop on a bus" to which the girl said, "So they let kangaroos on buses?" That girl also asked some other stupid question like if we all dress like the Crocodile Hunter and how we deal with all the dangerous wildlife. How can some Americans be so sheltered? It's a cilvilsed country!

Anyway, it was nice to talk with her. It's her birthday next week so I guess I'll talk with her then.

Arrgh!!!

Warren was being his usual immature self and was telling Sophia, Lilly and me which guy likes us. Guess who he said liked me?! Yes, Fabian. Seriously, he could've at least pretended otherwise. He was telling us that we act too 18 year old-ish and was asking if we had curfews. My God! How immature can you get?! I had to sit next to him in the lecture and he was being so irritatingly immature. He wouldn't sit still and kept saying and doing really stupid things (eg. hitting the fold-out desk on his knee and saying how strong he was. I was surprised he didn't break his knee!)

I just cannot deal with immatureness (is that a word?) anymore! He wasn't the only one acting like that. I'm just using him as an example.

This is what made me think of Max so much. I used to think Max was a bit immature but he's nothing like the others. If there's no better guy than Max, then the world is really screwed up. I'm not saying Max is bad. He's just not for me. I'm sure he can make some girl very happy.

I seriously need a life.

The comments thing is coming along now. I've just got to figure out how to fix a couple of things.

I had to get that out.

I Want To Talk With Max

I want to talk with Max.
I WANT to talk with Max.
I want To talk with Max.
I want to TALK with Max.
I want to talk WITH Max.
I want to talk with MAX.
I WANT TO TALK WITH MAX!

Substitute Entry

I wrote a relatively interesting blog entry yesterday but when I was about to post it, blogger stopped working and so my entry disappeared for ever and ever...

I was writing while I was talking on MSN with Lauren, Sophia, Sally and Lilly about our assignment. I've never laughed so much while talking on MSN (except with April). I can't believe I ever said they were boring. (Well, I can actually but they're not as bad as I thought). Sally is really quiet but very interesting (when she does say things). I'm very surprised that she's got a boyfriend. How can a quiet person like her get one? She's a great person but how did she get a guy to notice that?

Anyway, speaking of guys, I haven't heard from Max for a while. Well, he actually messaged me 2 days ago. But that's it. He didn't reply to my email that I sent ages ago. I want to talk to him on the phone again. I'm sick of this 'minimum communication".

I have to fix the comments things. I will, just not now. I should be doing my tutorial.

Personal Note

Lindsay, thank you for your e-mail. I would like to reply but there was no e-mail address.

Can someone post a comment so I can see if it works or not 'cause I can't post anything for some reason.

Code

I was talking to April on MSN yesterday and my brother glanced at the window and he couldn't understand a thing. It made me realise that we speak in code. We abbreviate everything from the movie title of the one that we're writing to places to people. Here's an example of what it looked like:

Sky: and then we could have J go to TA but A thinks that J is going there because she's ID
April: I'm a bit ID too. Maybe when we can get into mgb, we won't be so ID
Sky: maybe we'll meet PH there!
April: and we could be like A and J in ID!

etc.

Does anyone want to have a go at deciphering the above? If anyone can come up with something funny, I'll post it here.

It's funny when we talk about our TV show/movie on trains. Everyone always look at us really weirdly because they think we're talking about real people and events.

Laziness

I so should be doing work right not but I so don't feel like it.

Hey, can anyone tell me the difference between the 'i' and 'em' html tag? I could probably try to find out myself but I'm lazy.

I should add the comments section asap but I'm being really lazy. I think it's because of Max. When I think about him, I can't be bothered doing anything else. Imagine if I had a real boyfriend! I wouldn't be bothered to do anything!

Does anyone know any interesting blogs that talk about the blogger's life? I need to read them to make up for the lack of mine.

I know that's really sad.

Teenage Parties

All day yesterday, Andrew talked about the party that he went to on Saturday. It was one of those where everyone gets drunk and makes out. My brother was really annoyed that his friends that don't drink (or make out) left early but he wanted to stay longer and 'socialise'. He was saying how it's annoying that people who don't drink are not as social. Which is actually true (from my experience). Andrew didn't drink (cause he's on acne medication with which you can't drink alcohol) and didn't make out. He was saying that his friends were only snogging 'slutty girls' which made me annoyed and I had to have a 'talk' with him about double standards. I told him that his guy friends who were making out with the 'slutty' girls were being just as slutty as the girls since they were doing the exact same thing. I told him that he shouldn't sink to that level and smart girls would respect and like him more if he didn't do that kind of stuff. I think he got the point.

It was actually a bit disappointing that he couldn't figure that out for himself. He knows that he shouldn't do that stuff but he doesn't realise why, which is the whole point. It's like the only people who didn't drink were religious and were doing that because their religion told them not to, not because they knew the effects of alcohol. It just annoys me how people can't think for themselves.

Back

I just spent a couple of hours trying to get the comments thing to match my website. And the window closed down. I can't be bothered anymore.

I've been quite good today actually. I did quite a bit of uni work although I did get distracted by the comments thing. But if you think about it, it's actually quite useful for me to be trying to figure out the code for it for my future career in web design.

Max is back.

Nadine is back too. Her mother called mine to invite our family to her 21st birthday. Our parents don't get on at all and yet her mother invited us before Nadine even told me about it. What is going on?! I'm really confused. Why didn't Nadine tell me that she was going overseas? Why didn't she tell me that she was back? Why do I get invited to her birthday party by her MOTHER?!!!

The whole thing is just too sad. Andrew never liked Nadine so he made me feel better. Nadine used to envy me that I had Andrew (which is very understandable). She tried to act like he was her brother too which used to make me really annoyed at Andrew because when I was little it seemed that Andrew would always take her attention away from me. That was so stupid. There's no one more loyal than my brother. I'm glad I have other friends now because if this happened when I was younger, I would've been devastated. Now, I'm just confused. It's just a pity that things had to turn out that way. April is such a better friend that Nadine ever can be. And so is Amelia. And Christine and Claudia. Nadine can't be compared to any real friend right now.

My Mum is forcing herself not to say "I told you so" because although she doesn't mind Nadine, she can't stand her parents. She always thinks that every bad thing that Nadine does is brainwashed into her by her mother. Nadine is easily influenced. When I used to spend heaps of time with her, she was always trying to match my behaviour. Even her Mum said thank you to me when she got into uni (as if I had anything to do with that) because she thought that she only went because I always wanted to go. When she hung out with her private school friends, she'd do really stupid things and act completely differently. When she made uni friends, she told me how much easier it was to be herself. I used to feel privileged that out of all people, I was the one that she told stuff to and could be herself. Maybe now that she's popular, she doesn't need me. Although she's only popular with people that don't really know her. People that are close to her know how difficult she can be.

April could've come over today but I needed to do uni work. I love seeing her every week.

I want to go dancing.

Andrew went to a party. Speaking of him, one of his friends (who's a model) meets heaps of people from the net. That just goes to show that maybe you don't have to be desperate to meet people from the net. Andy said that the girl is having some guy from America coming over to stay at her house!!! Her parents called his school to make sure that he exists. I'd never tell my parents about what I do online but then I'd never have a stranger stay over. I still haven't even met Max (one person that I properly communicated with for over 2 years, going 3 now). And he sounds the most normal. If only he wasn't so quiet on the phone. I always imagined him to be more talkative. I know he said he was shy but so am I. Well, maybe not anymore. I surprised myself at how at ease I was on the phone.

April was telling me how annoying her ex-best friend was when all she talks about is about a guy who she met from the net and how they are just good friends. April said that she wants to tell her to just go out with him already if he's the only thing she ever talks about. April was saying how her friend can put him into any conversation. She even gave me a funny demonstration. It just made me think of Max and how when I was obsessed with him, I'd only talk about him to Andrew. I wonder what April would think of that if I told her. I was really close to telling her about Max but then thought against it. There's not much to say anyway.

Well, I can go about him for ages sometimes but not so much anymore. He's just a really kind guy with no tertiary education. That's my summary of him. Sure, there are a lot of things about him, some of which I don't even know. He has a complicated life.

Show Business

April and I are writing a movie now because we decided that it's a lot easier to get a movie produced than a TV show. And if the movie is popular, it will be a lot easier to get the show done.

I read somewhere that it's best not to write about personal things. I don't know, everything we write is quite personal. The best stuff that we've done were about ourselves. The very first thing we wrote together had nothing to do with our lives and it was pretty stupid and cliche. Or maybe that was because we were 15.

I'm glad we're writing again though.

3 Things

Well, I can write about 3 things that happened today. They were all negative but at least I can write something other than random thoughts.

1. When I was getting out of the train station, some woman behind me tried to overtake me and slipped and fell as a result, almost taking me with her. I turned around to see if she was all right, but she started yelling, "Fuck!" over and over and wouldn't get up. She looked as if she was on drugs. She went completely insane from anger, rather than pain. I didn't know if I should've stayed and did something or leave her. I mumbled 'sorry' even though it wasn't my fault, it just looked like it was because she tripped on me. I shouldn't have said it because she may have started to think that it really was my fault. There was the usual group of druggies sitting around who saw the whole thing and kept screaming 'Fuck!' as well. I got a bit scared and quickly went. I'm scared to go to that station alone now because what if the woman (who looks like she hangs around with the druggies) will get them all to bash me up?

2. Guess who walked in late into our lecture? Mark! My heart must've skipped a beat. I thought that maybe he changed courses back to my one. He looked so cute!!! Really neat, without trying to impress anyone. And those blond curls! I had to remind myself that I no longer care if he likes me or not because I know his bad points. It was really hard though! I was glad when he left because I'm so much more relaxed when I don't want to impress anyone. First Nathan came to our lecture (last week), now Mark! It's the second time he surprised me with his presence! I don't like surprises like that because at first I get really excited but then really disappointed. Not a good feeling.

3. I shouldn't have said anything about Fabian ignoring me because he was a real jerk today. I hate him. In the lecture, every time the lecturer asked a question and no one would answer, he'd say my name so that the lecturer would look at me. Anyone who reads my blog knows how much I despise speaking in front of a large group so him attracting attention to me made me really angry. The first time I ignored him but then he wouldn't shut up so I gave him a 'look' that hopefully he interpreted as "Shut up or I will kill you". After a couple of times, when the lecturer was actually waiting for an answer from me, another guy saved me and answered himself. Why the hell does Fabian have to single me out in front of everyone?! Can't he pick on someone else. I hate him.

Yesterday I had that indigestion type pain again so I decided that my body was telling me to call the gallbladder surgeon. I'm supposed to go in 3 weeks.

I was looking through some blogs and it made me wonder what is it that makes some blogs really interesting and engaging while others are just plain boring.

Adrian Mole is the funniest character! I love neurotic personalities. That would explain why I like Bridget Jones and Ally McBeal among others.

I just checked the dancing classes and it's $15 per lesson (1 3/4 hour), not hour! Must remember to tell the others!

I found really good dancing classes but my friends don't want to go 'cause they think they're a bit expensive ($15/h). They are obviously not as enthusiastic about it as I am. I don't want to go by myself, though. Especially at the beginning.

I really should start being more independent and stop relying on my friends so much.

Check out how much teen angst one person can have here.

My Life Now

I feel like writing something interesting but my life at the moment doesn't allow it.

Here are some random things:

* April also got through to the next stage of the Coles Myer Recruitment Program. It would just be absolutely excellent if we got to work together.

* Fabian stopped bothering me and now avoids talking to me. This makes me so much more relaxed when he's around. I think my non-existent reactions to him really bored him. Which was the whole point.

* Jack is starting to go all weird again. He always keeps staring at me. It's really unnerving.

* Justin (the weird guy) is actually quite interesting but I can't help but be really distant towards him because in my head, he's stuck as the weirdo that has no social skills. I can't change that perception of him.

* I spoke up in class on my own accord. Amazing! My face went red straight after I realised what I've just done. That was too embarrassing.

* After April and my chat last Saturday about finding RG, I completely felt no desire to talk to Max but now I do again.

* Got really irritated at Andrew today because he was being selfish. I hate being in a fight with him because when I want to tell him something, I have to stop myself because we are 'fighting'. It's dumb but I can't help it.

* Thought about what Nadine is up to and if she's back yet. I wonder if she'll invite me to her 21st birthday. It's unbelievable that I even doubt that now. Well, she didn't give me a birthday present this year which was really weird because she was always the one that I counted on to get at least one birthday present from. I don't know how I should act with her now if she calls me or if I'll see her at uni. I can't believe how weird our friendship got.
April said that it's inevitable for childhood best friends to drift apart. I really believed that it was possible to be best friends with someone for your whole life because of how close Nadine and I were. She was just like my sister. And the really strange thing is that I still see her as my sister, only one that I haven't seen or spoken to for a really long time.

* I'm trying to read "Wuthering Heights" but I think you have to be in the mood to read it. This is probably why I read so many books at the same time. Each one is for a different mood.

* Can someone post something on my Message Board?

* Maybe I should get a comments thing. I wonder if people will respond more. It's weird that although I want people to respond to what I write, when someone does, I get a bit anxious about what they write.

* The guy that I wanted to talk to yesterday wasn't there. A bit disappointing.

* There is this really tall guy in my yesterday's tutorial. It'd be pretty cool to have a really tall boyfriend (although I'm more on the short side).

* Nathan (really cute but not my type who transferred from my course this year) came to last Thursday lecture for a few minutes. I don't know why but I was kinda happy to see him. He's really easy-going and social and he pays attention to me. Maybe he'll be there tomorrow. During that lecture, Jack was drawing dirty pictures and showing them to Justin. Seriously, how immature can you get?!

* Don't have to get up early tomorrow. Yay!

* My life is at a stand-still.

Bachelor 3

I couldn't resist to watch "Bachelor 3" yesterday since I was addicted to the 2 previous series. I'm happy to announce that this is one is not addictive at all, as all the women seem like competitive airheads who don't really care about finding a husband on the show, just to win the 'game'. This lack of priorities ruins the whole entertainment. I don't want to see lots of adult women fighting over something they probably don't even want. I want to see genuine people.

Rollercoaster Day

Bad things that happened:
* Had to borrow the tutor's textbook and she left without taking it back which meant that I had to take it home. After that I had to buy another 2 textbooks (one of which is the same as the one I had to borrow). This meant that I had to carry 3 very heavy textbooks around uni. And I'll have to take 2 back next week (one for the tutor and one for me).
* Got a headache from the heat of today's weather.
* Hit my head when I was trying to get out of the car because of all the bags I had to take out. It really hurt!

Good things that happened:
* Met up with Amelia (who's doing very well), Emma (who's annoyed that lots of ODVs, including me, are not doing ODV next year), Beth (who actually talked with us, instead of on her phone with her 'cool' friends) and Claudia (who I'm seriously worried about because some 40 year old guy wouldn't leave her alone yesterday and kept following her. She ended up getting off at another uni and going to the library before he left her alone and then calling Christine to drive her home. She's now scared of going anywhere near the bus stop where the guy started talking to her. Amelia's stalker doesn't even compare to this one. This guy was seriously creepy. It made me think what I'd do in that situation. I'd probably get off the train at the station where I know there is a police station and let the guy follow me there so that the cops could deal with him).
* Got through another stage in the Coles Myer Recruitment Program. Seriously, how many stages are there?!! How bad would it be if I got through every stage except the last? All the stress for nothing. Anyway, I'm not going to think about it too much. I didn't even want to write about it so not to jinx it but I remembered that I don't believe in jinxes or any other non-scientific occurrences.

I'm supposed to see the surgeon that did my gallbladder operation a month after it but I haven't gotten around to making an appointment. I know I should. It doesn't really bother me except for a few times where I feel like I have really bad indigestion (although I'm not exactly sure what indigestion feels like since I don't think I ever had it before).

I also need to call about the dancing classes. I swear, since the musical, I have been dancing around the house every time I switch the radio on (and sometimes even when I don't). I must look really stupid if anyone would see me, making every movement a dance one. I'm not sure if this is just some phase or what. Oh well, exercise never hurt anyone.

Dancing. Predictions.

I should be writing a 'short' report for one of my subjects but... here I am, writing here.

On Friday I went to see the musical in which my brother plays almost the whole piano score. It was very good for a high school production. All the kids were very talented. (Andrew goes to a performing arts school.) The whole production seemed so much fun that it made me a bit annoyed that I couldn't be in it. My school was more of an academic one so we didn't really put on shows.

In my first primary school, I had a teacher who used to direct professional shows and since I was in her class, I always got to dance in them. I used to get the biggest thrill doing that so I was very disappointed when we moved and I had to go to a crap private school that didn't do anything.

I tried to get into dancing classes when we moved but somehow it didn't work out 'cause the class that I was enrolled in cancelled and the others were for people who already did dancing since they were 5. I never actually had dancing lessons before, only the rehearsals that we did for the shows.

Now, after seeing that musical, I want to join some dancing class for fun. Dancing is the only form of exercise that I really love. I looked up the ones that we have at uni but apart from the ones where you need a partner, the others sound too weird. I might go to a dancing class that I went to last year once. It was at another uni and you don't even have to enrol to those, just pay for the time that you come. It was the best fun. April might come too because surprisingly she said that she wants to do dancing too. Who would've thought.

I went to April's house yesterday after we watched "Identity" (which was better than I expected). We just talked about everything, the way I used to talk with Nadine. It's amazing how it really is possible to have a best friend who is not Nadine. I never thought I'd be really close to someone like I was with Nadine. We agreed that once a person gets a boyfriend, that puts a whole barrier in the friendship that no one can help. It's ok if both people don't have a boyfriend at the same time, as long as they both had one before. Actually I'm not sure about that either.

I wish April and I went to the same uni, we could've done more stuff together to meet guys. We could've constructed some insane plan and then laughed about it when it failed miserably.

We wrote predictions of where we (and our friends) would be and what we'd all be doing this time next year, in 5 years and in 10 years. That was fun. We predicted the saddest things for ourselves, but it was funny. So when we'll read it, we'll be happy about our lives. Please!!!

We were imagining what it would be like if the five of us had boyfriends and we'd all go out together... That would be the best fun.

We were trying to come up with plans for meeting guys. We didn't get very far, apart from asking Christine if she knows anyone she could introduce us to. I doubt she does.

Oh well, it was nice to hang out with her. It was just like talking to Andrew (who right now is having the best time because of the musical and all the new friends that he made). I remember that year 11 and 12 were the best years in high school because that's when you become really close friends with people.

Sometimes I just don't really realise how lucky I am to have people that I could really talk to.

Friday Five

1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
30 minutes before I have to leave for uni, but if uni starts in the afternoon, then around 9am.

2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
Well, I can sleep in till 10/11am if I went to sleep late the night before but if not, then 9am.

3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Go to the bathroom.

4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
30 minutes.

5. When possible, what is your favourite place to go for breakfast?
I can never be bothered to go out for breakfast. I'm still planning on at least trying out the McDonalds morning menu sometime in my life.

7 Months and Counting

I was thinking (yes, again) about how it's pretty cool that I wrote in this blog for 7 months. And since I wrote almost everything (because some things should stay private) that has happened to me, it's pretty interesting to read it again and remember some things that I've forgotten. I don't think I've really changed in the last 7 month but that's probably because 7 months is not a very long time.

I really didn't expect to be writing here for so long from the very first entry. Also when I re-read some entries, I noticed bad grammar and misspelt words (which irritates me in other blogs) so I changed those. Although I check every entry before I publish it, somehow, there are always errors that I miss. I can read an entry 5 times and only notice a mistake on the 6th time so please try to overlook any imperfections in the language.

Oh my God, what the hell am I going on about.

Baby Dreams

I had a weird dream a few days ago. I had a dream that I had a baby and the labour was completely painless and I felt the happiest I've ever been. What is my sub-consciousness trying to tell me?! Actually I've been dreaming of babies a lot lately. Not only human ones but kittens and puppies too. Weird...

Fear of Public Speaking

I had to do a small presentation today. I absolutely hate public speaking. I don't know why I get so panicky all the time. My heart starts beating faster, my breath gets uneven, blood rushes to my face, my hands get clammy. It's like some disease. And although logically in my head, I'm not stressed, it's an automatic reaction. It reminds me of that Pavlov experiment where the dog starts salivating every time it hears a bell because it associates food with the bell. Maybe it's the same thing with me and public speaking. Just the thought of it causes me to react physically, even though mentally I know it's stupid and nothing bad could happen.

I volunteered to go at the beginning because maybe if I force myself to do public speaking, I'll get over my fear of it. I've been trying to make myself get over it since high school and for some reason it's not working. Aren't you supposed to confront your fears in order for them to go away? Well, whose bright idea was that because it doesn't work.

Does anyone know how to get over the fear of public speaking? Or if you experienced and got over it, what did you do?

Friends, Foes and Others

I haven't written for five days in here! Amazing!

On Saturday night, I went over to April's and hanged around there with her and Christine. I don't know why but I have just as much fun hanging out with my friends at someone's house as I do going out to clubs (or any other place). Hanging out at someone's house is so much more relaxing. While I was there, I actually thought that if I had a boyfriend and had to choose between hanging out with him or hanging out with my friends, I'd rather be with my friends. That just shows that I don't really need a boyfriend. I just want one.

I wonder if I'll have a lifestyle similar to Bridget Jones where I'll be single for so long and get used to my friends so much that they'll be like my family and it would be very hard for a guy to feel more special than my friends.

Nah, that would never happen. A serious boyfriend would always be more special than friends because he'll be just like a close friend... but uhm... even closer.

On Sunday, I went to my grandparents house 'cause I couldn't use my computer (since an important part of it broke and could only be replaced on Monday) and did my uni work a few days before it was due! Finishing work earlier gave me such a sense of relief that I will try to finish all my assignments early from now on. If only my lack of motivation won't prevent me.

On Monday, I wrote a relatively long email to Max (who's not in Sydney at the moment) because I felt like it. I just blabbed on about the Matchbox 20 concert and uni. Pretty boring stuff for him so I don't know why I did it.

Yesterday, I went to an advanced screening of a movie that hasn't been released yet. I think I might've mentioned that April, Claudia and I got free tickets for it a week ago. Each ticket was for 2 people so we could bring another person. Amelia didn't come. Christine came and guess who Claudia invited?! Georgia! Claudia doesn't really know how much I can't stand Georgia so I can't be too mad at her. (Actually it's very hard to be mad at Claudia for anything.) The very strange thing happened, though. While I was waiting for Claudia, Georgia comes up and says in a really friendly voice, "Are you waiting for Claudia?" I was stunned that she said anything to me at all. I didn't know if I should answer her or pretend that she's not there (like she used to do to me) but then I thought that I'm better than her and replied. She then said, "Yeah, me too" and stood there with me, in complete silence. I don't want to keep any grudges but I don't want it to be so easy for her to just come up and pretend that she wasn't a complete bitch before. That's what infuriates me so much -- I don't know if I should show her that I hate her or if I should make it easy for her and be nice. If I show that I hate her, she'll know that she has power over me but if I pretend like it never happened, she'll know that she could get away with being so horrible. What would you do?

When we met up with Christine and April, I noticed that April was acting really strange. Sometimes (very rarely) April acts as if she's this really cool and superior person which makes it extremely difficult to talk to her. In all the years that I've known her, I only saw her act snobby like that maybe 5 times. Most of those times was when she was with other people. I don't know why she was acting like that yesterday.

After the movie when Christine was driving us back, I got an SMS from Max which was a bit of a surprise. He just asked how I was which probably meant that he hasn't read the email. It was weird how there I was in Christine's car with everyone being loud, and Max was a small part of it all. Two completely different worlds in one. Of course, no one noticed that I was really quiet suddenly which was fine with me because I didn't want to explain to them who Max was. The whole thing was just kind of weird.

Just Right

Yesterday, I had a class in which I hoped to meet some new people (ok, fine - guys) because it's small and there aren't a lot of people that I know. As my eyes quickly glanced around the room, I realised that I won't be friends with any of them. I know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover but I wasn't judging books. I was judging people who, unlike books, have a say in their appearance. Since the subject was design based, most guys were very 'arty' looking i.e. they put effort into looking stylish. I don't really like it when guys try hard to look trendy (eg. gel their hair and wear jewellery). There's nothing wrong with taking care trying to be neat but all the extra things are... well, extra. I like the guys who look good without really trying. And it's not that rare.

I find the extra time spent on caring how their clothes look (style-wise, not neatness-wise) a bit feminine and I don't like feminine guys. I don't like guys who are too musculine either because then they're a bit intimidating. The best mix is when a guy is musculine but has boyish charm.

Oh my God, where am I going to find a guy like that?

On Fire

Yesterday was a night I definitely won't forget.

April and I went to Matchbox 20 concert. It was excellent beyond words! Words can't even begin to describe the experince. Thanks to April, we ended up sitting in the absolute best seats (literally). At first we were sitting in the last row in different sections (because we got our tickets late) but then some lady (who worked there) asked the people next to April if they wanted to sit at the front and April asked if she could go too. When the lady said yes, she asked if I could come too but the lady said no because she didn't have time for that but April managed to convince her to let me come. This was all happening while the guy next to me (who smelled of cigarettes) kept telling me how it must suck to not be sitting with my friend. After we left, he must've thought how much it sucked that I got to sit in the front. April got almost hystrerical when we realised that we got the best seats. April (who is usually very conservative) argued to get those seats. She's absolutely the best!

I've been obsessed with Matchbox 20 music for a while now so to hear them live was absolutely amazing! It felt so unreal to be there.

If their music made up a personality of a guy, that guy would be perfect. Rob Thomas is the sexiest celebrity, not to mention extremely talented. The guitarists were also totally awesome (I'm running out of positive adjectives to describe them). Every song has so many layers, musically and lyrically, that it's hard to get bored of the songs. Every time I listen to them, I find something new.

Books On Trains. Paying Attention. Guy Friends.

I took my (well, the library's, if you want to be really specific) "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason" on the train because I didn't think it was one of those embarrassing books that someone next to you can read and give you looks. (Or maybe I'm just paranoid that people would look at what I'm reading. Yeah, that's probably it). Anyway, it turned out that I was up to the bit where she's choosing condoms and every second word is condom/sex and lots of capitals and exclamation marks so if someone would look at what I was reading, those would be the first words to catch their attention. One voice in my head (yes, I have quite a few) was saying, "Who bloody cares!!!" but the more dominant one wouldn't let me pay any attention to the book but made me glance around, making sure no one was looking at what I was reading (since the train was quite full). Of course no one was paying attention because they were reading their own books/newspapers/magazines, except some guy across the aisle from me. But then again, he could've just been looking at the window to see what station we were at. I know the whole thing is pathetic. I just ended up putting the book back in my bag and staring into space.

I paid attention in my lecture today without being too distracted by pointless thoughts that come to my head. (Exchanging stupid comments about the lecture with Lauren doesn't count).

Silvia (a girl from school who has a personality of Holden from "Catcher In The Rye") was with Claudia so had to stop and talk to her for a while, while my uni friends have gone. So I ended up walking to the station by myself.

Jason (the quiet genius) was the only guy (from our group) at today's and yesterday's lecture so he's always with us now. I'm trying to become friends with him 'cause I'd like some guy friends and since he's quiet, it's relatively easy to talk to him (in the sense that he's not going to argue with anything I say). I know he has heaps of guy friends (whom I might like) so I need him to feel comfortable with me so he could invite me out with his friends. Deep down, I know it's never going to happen because he's too shy and I talk too much when I'm around quiet people so they might feel a bit intimidated, just like I feel when I'm around really loud people. Oh well, being friendly can't hurt.

E-mail From Emma

Just got an email from Emma telling about application forms for next year's ODV. I don't really feel like going. It was a lot of fun but I can't be bothered. I only did it to meet lots of people, which I did but I don't keep in contact with any of them so meeting them all in the first place was quite uselss.

Wonder But Not Care

I wonder if Nadine is back... Did I say that she went overseas without telling me? I think I did. Well, I wonder what she's up to but I don't care. It's amazing really how much we've grown apart. We know almost nothing about each other's lives anymore when before we knew every single detail. I wonder if we'll ever be close friends again.

Mellow Monday: Part III

I just did the karma test on emode.com. Here's my result:

You seem to have a real knack for both understanding what people are going through and finding ways to support them during difficult times. By being a sensitive person with a keen sense of empathy, you can do much to alleviate others' pain. This has been an important way you've earned your karma up to this point. This kindness strengthens your current relationships but suggests it will come back to you positively in the future. Through your concerted efforts to care about and tend to the needs of others, you generate good karma for yourself and the universe.

Yeah right, I wish! Whoever writes these things is really good at making everything into a good thing.

Mellow Monday: Part II

Came back from tutoring and got a call to do an hour of market research on Friday for which I'm supposed to get paid quite a lot.

I think my book addiction is getting out of hand. I'm, like, obsessed with reading. I already had books from the library but I just had to go today again and get new books. And the worst is that I start them all at the same time. I have to almost force myself to not read them all at once.

Speaking of books, Helen Fielding is amazing. I love Bridget Jones. I watched the movie but I haven't read the books, until now. I'm reading the second one. It's hilarious. And Bridget Jones is a great character. She's is so likeable, even when she does really stupid things. Which I guess makes her funny. Anyway, I'm not very good at writing book reviews. When I like something, I just really like it. I don't like to think about why I do. I just do. Analysing things sometimes ruins them. That is probably why when I studied books at school, I found them boring.

Maeve Binchy is also really good. She has a way of drawing you into the lives of characters so much that you feel like they are real.

I still have to finish Harry Potter.

So many books, so little time.

Anyway, I'm in a hopeful mood right now. I think something really interesting might happen this semester...

Mellow Monday

Uni has started again. After I got over the injustice of having a lecture at 9am, I was quite excited to see everyone again. I think I underestimated the people at uni. They are not as boring as I previously thought.

At the lecture, a guy sat next to me that had a face of a 15 year old. That completely distracted me and I started thinking that if he had the perfect personality, would I still want to go out with him. (I know it's not a possibility but it's still fun to think these things.) Then I thought that if a guy had the perfect looks and a really bad personality, then I know that there's no way that I'd go out with him but why is it that the other way around, it causes more confusion?

A guy behind me kept sniffing. I couldn't decide if I should've given him a tissue because not only was it annoying to me, but it must've not been very comfortable for him either. Wondered how I would feel if the situation was reversed and decided against it because I didn't want to embarrass him.

After the lecture, Claudia had an hour before her next lecture and I was finished for the day so kept her company. Passing on Amelia's kindness from last semester. Speaking of which, her grandmother died. It's horrible. I never had to deal with these sorts of situations before. I don't know if she wants to be left alone or be distracted. I don't want to ask her 'cause she usually doesn't like to talk about emotional kind of stuff. And neither do I which makes the whole situation quite awkward. I'll probably try to see her this week. I don't know if I should ignore the whole subject and pretend like everything's the same or if I should mention it. I don't think I'll be very good at this kind of thing. Well, I just want to see her and make sure she's all right (which is unlikely). Well, she's a strong person so she will be all right eventually.

I went to the libaray after uni. Not the local one that I usually go to but the next near one. I really wanted to get the Adrian Mole series because it was the only library that had all of them, but when I got there, most of them were taken out! How annoying, especially that they were all there just last week. Well, at least I found 2 books that I wanted to read for a while now so I was happy.

One of the workers there was such a bitch. She kept yelling at an old man because he didn't return his books on time, as if he was some school child. Then she kept talking to me as if I was 5: "Sweetie, you have to go here and do this. This is how you stamp your books, dear, on your way out. Yes, just under here. Now give me that, I'll do it for you. Thank you sweetie. Buh-bye!" What the hell?!!

There was a cute guy there who made up for the woman's rudeness, though. I wonder what kind of person would work in a library... I love books but I never would as a full-time job.

I was supposed to meet April afterwards but she had to stay back at uni so came home and started on my online course.

Soon I'll have to go and tutor. I'm so tired of it. Don't feel like it at all, but I can't be lazy 'cause I need the money.

Well, yesterday was really good. Went out with April and Claudia. We laughed so hard, other people thought we were drunk and kept glancing at us like we were crazy. Not that we cared. I got the worst hiccups from laughing which made everyone stare at us even more. Also since they didn't know what we were talking about and could only hear bits, kept giving us weird looks.

We also got some free movie tickets for a movie that hasn't been released yet, to go and review it so they can make any changes if needed. That should be interesting...

In A Bad Mood: Flow of Thoughts

I'm in a bad mood now. I'm not even sure why exactly. I think it's just lots of little things piling up.

The good thing about being in a bad mood is that soon it should improve.

I'm just annoyed mainly about jobs. I want to get a good retail job but that's not happening very fast and meanwhile I need money. I can get more tutoring jobs (which I was just offered today) but the thing with tutoring jobs is that if I get one, I can't just quit whenever I'll get a better job.

It'd be good to first get a retail job (since that will take up most of my free time) and then fit the tutoring jobs round that (which is what I did last semester). The retail jobs that I applied for are Coles Myer ones and they take ages to get a reply from. If I get any of them, I don't want to do tutoring. It's a lot more work than the hour where I tutor the kid. I have to be prepared for the lesson and that takes time (for which I don't get paid). I'm lucky the mother of the girl that I'm tutoring now is paying me more than the agency said I'm entitled to. She said that she understands that it's hard work and I deserve it. She's heaps nice, although she doesn't care about her child's work as much as the mother of the kids that I tutored last year. Well, I'm not complaining about her.

Also with my new timetable, getting retail work will be quite difficult. I have no days off and every days is only a couple of hours in the middle of the day which sucks. I could probably combine all the hours into 3 days. Claudia is going to be in 2 of my lectures again. That's going to make them a bit more bearable.

I hope I'll get to meet some new people. I need some proper uni friends. Usually uni students mainly hang out with uni friends, unlike me who's glued to my high school friends (although some of them go to my uni so I guess I could call them uni friends too). For some reason I just can't find people at uni to whom I could really relate to. My high school friends make it really hard for anyone to measure up. Sure the people that I hang out with at uni are pretty cool but they are not the most interesting people. They are too normal.

Well, there's always hope since I met Amelia, Claudia and Christine in year 8 and we didn't become really good friends straight away and I met April in year 9. I became really good friends with her straight away. It felt like I knew her for ages since the day I met her. So I might meet someone really interesting next year or I might become better friends with people that I already know. My course is too short to make good friends. I'm one of those people who takes ages to make friends with people but once I do, I'm usually really close friends with them for a long time. If I'm picky with choosing friends, no wonder I'm so picky about finding RG.

Max is leaving. Do I care? Not sure. He's coming back in a few months but I'm just tired of stretching this net thing for so long. I just want to have a couple of proper conversations with him on the phone and then meet him and get it over and done with. I'm not a very patient person. I don't want to hang on to something that is pointless.

Other Uni. Bowling. BBQ. Possible Trip.

So the sleepover thing was off 'cause Christine's parents' business still has renovations going on. Oh well. We went out anyway. First I went to April's and Christine's uni with them which was fun. It's heaps different to my one. I've only been there a couple of times before. I wanted to see a short film that April made but it wasn't on the computer anymore. I guess I'll have to see the bad quality one on the CD. After that, April and I met up with Claudia and went bowling. That was more fun than I thought. The place was completely empty at first. I've perfected my great technique of getting strikes which is throwing the ball as far as possible down the middle of the lane and letting it roll the rest of the way. The less distance it has to roll, the less of the chance of it going to the side.

Then we went to April's house because it's right next to the place where we were supposed to meet the others later. Stayed there for a while and then went to eat at a BBQ place, which was quite interesting because it's a buffet of raw meat which you take and barbeque at your table. I guess it saves money on chefs.

Beth, Ellen and Georgia came as well. I don't get Beth anymore. Ever since she went overseas for a year, she's not the same person. We were all really close to her in high school but now that she found new friends, she doesn't find us as fun anymore. I don't know why she even came, she talked on her phone almost the whole time. Ellen is all right. She used to hang out with us in high school too. Some people find her fake but that's because they haven't met any really fake people. The weird (but good) thing was that Georgia didn't really bother me. What she usually does is whenever I'm talking, she'll interrupt and change the subject. But yesterday, every time she tried to do that, everyone ignored her, and Ellen didn't even look at her when she was talking. But that's not really surprising because Georgia was being really mean to her in front of all of us. I don't understand why Claudia had to invite her. Maybe she felt sorry for her. I didn't even know she'd be coming until Christine told me at uni. Thanks for the warning. Christine doesn't like her either.

Amelia, unfortunately, couldn't come because her grandmother is in hospital because she either had a stroke or pneumonia (Claudia couldn't remember when she talked to her). I'll try to call Amelia tonight to see how she is. I hope she's all right.

Next year, I might be going to the snow with Christine and Claudia (and April and Amelia if they can come). Christine said that she and her sister were planning on renting a house there and it's for 10 people so her sister was going to bring her friends and she was going to take us. I don't really like skiing but I want to go anyway. It'd be a lot of fun. And it's not too expensive so it won't go too much into my savings to go to America (which I'm not even sure I'll be going).

Heaven In Hell

Warning: Religious people may find this offensive.

In the morning, just before my exam, instead of going through the topics in my head, I started thinking about heaven and hell. Don't ask me why, it just came around somehow. Anyway, although I don't believe in either, I thought that if there was one, I'd much rather go to hell. Think about it, all the 'perfect' people who have blind faith in God and try to be saintly will go to heaven and the rest (i.e. the fun people) will be in hell (since religious people believe that people who don't believe in God will go to hell). Hence, heaven will be a boring place full of hypocrites, while hell would be just like earth, only without the boring hypocrites.

For the religious people who lost to temptation and read the last paragraph, and who now think I'm a horrible/stupid person for saying that, I just want to say that I'm sorry you feel that way because I find it extremely naive to have blind faith in something that most likely doesn't exist.

It's interesting that the idea of God came about as a scientific reason for the way nature works. Now, after people have proven scientific reasons for nature, some people still believe in God. And no, the Bible is not proof that He exists.

Yes, I'm sure all you religious people think that I will go to hell for writing all of this. Well, I just can't wait!

Mothers And Daughters. Max Makes An Appearance. Friends.

My Mum has been acting really weird lately. Well, actually since Thursday. After I got home and generally told her about my day and what my friends are up to, she said, "We should go out together sometime". In my head I was like, "Where did that come from?!" but all I could do was start giggling. She said, "Seriously, why not? We should go to lunch or something and have a, you know, heart-to-heart..." That just cracked me up even more. I couldn't believe she was saying something like that. The only time I go somewhere with my Mum is when we go shopping. I started to get suspicious that maybe she wanted to talk about something specific with me but she denied that, saying why can't we just go somewhere together.

Then, because I mentioned earlier about Christine's family/boyfriend predicament, she somehow twisted the conversation about my non-existent boyfriend and how she can understand that Christine's parents want her to be with a guy with the same nationality because she wouldn't be happy if I married a Chinese guy. The thing that parents just don't seem to understand is that a nationality does not make a person. Christine's boyfriend is a weirdo (in my opinion) not because he's Italian but because he just is. I don't understand why Christine's parents don't like him because he's not Chinese when there are so many other reasons to dislike him. It's the same thing with my Mum. I told her not to worry because I'm not attracted to Asian guys. It's funny that Christine isn't either, although she is Asian herself. So it's not just me.

Anyway, Mum said that she knows a woman who has a son and she’ll introduce us. At first I told her no because that’s too embarrassing and she doesn’t even know him. He might be a complete creep but my Mum would rather I met up with a stranger (with the same nationality than went out with a guy that I know but with a different nationality (if there was one). But then I thought, why not? Can’t do any harm.

Just as I was actually starting to look forward to meeting the guy, Max decides to message me. Honestly, I’m getting a bit tired of ‘he talks to me, he doesn’t talk to me, he talks to me, he doesn’t talk to me, he talks… etc…’. Make up your mind already! On the other hand, I don’t have to put any effort into keeping contact with him. I talk to him when I want to. My attitude towards it now is: whatever happens, happens. No more of going insane.

Anyway, I might be going to see a musical with my Mum sometime soon since she really wants to spend time with me. Not sure why. Don't get me wrong, I consider myself to be quite close with my Mum, although sometimes we clash in personalities but we're not exactly like from "Gilmore Girls". I'm not friends with my Mum, like some people are. It’s just I wonder what brought all of this on. I think she started showing signs of this at the time of my operation. So maybe that’s it. Anyway, I guess I shouldn’t complain. When I was younger and had really bad fights with her, all I wanted was for her to be like she is now.

Tomorrow is my exam. Wish me luck!

After that I’m seeing my friends. We’re all going to stay the night at Christine’s parents’ business because it’s near the place that we’re going to beforehand. Who said sleepovers are only for teenagers? Last time we had one was last year, around this time of year. It was the best fun. We stayed up all night, talking about everything.

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if the five of us shared an apartment. We’d probably drive each other crazy after a while but it would be a lot of fun.

Amelia is probably going to move out soon because she’s been talking about it for quite a while. She wants me to move in with her because she can’t afford anything by herself and she doesn’t want to live with strangers but I’m quite happy where I am at the moment. No one is ever home when I’m here. My brother has the biggest social life (which my parents know almost nothing about and try to get stuff out of me, but what Andrew tells me in private stays private, unlike my parents who would probably tell everyone, which is why neither of us tell them much.).

Last Friday, he went out with 9 girls and was the only guy!!! He didn’t actually know that before he went. Lucky guy! He said he was a bit embarrassed but then realised that it’s unlikely to happen too often and took the advantage of the situation. Good boy.

It got me thinking that in those type of situations (where you’re the only one of your gender in a group), it’s better to be a guy because you wouldn’t feel as left out as a girl in a group of guys, simply because girls are easier to chat with than guys since they talk about a large variety of topics and it would be a lot easier to join in. Whereas guys don’t talk about much (in my experience) which makes it harder to contribute to the conversation. Last time I was at uni in a group of lots of guys, all they talked about was rugby teams and getting really drunk on the weekend. Exciting stuff!

Does anyone have any opinions about this?

Downhill

My day started off so well...

I met up with my friends whom I haven't seen together for a while and we had a great time hanging out, being childish, as usual. It was supposed to be a surprise birthday outing for Claudia. It was really funny because she saw April before we jumped out from behind the column. A guard was standing next to us, looking at us really suspiciously while we were 'hiding'. I'm glad she liked all our presents and I'm sure the whole day made up for the lateness.

I found out something interesting. It turns out that Chistine knows the family (that were my managers at the bookstore)! And Peter (the son) is only 2 years older than me! What a jerk he was -- pretending that he was heaps older so he could boss me around! I thought he was around 27. Now I can see how it's even funnier when he thought I was in high school and realised that he was only a couple of years older. Christine said that he was in her sister's class and he used to walk her to school when she was little. Aww..... :)

When we were going back, guess who I saw?! Or should I say saw me? Amy. She was all hugging me and going, "How are you?!!" in a disgustingly fake tone. I couldn't help but replicate the same tone, "Good! How are you?!" Christine and April (who were there at the time) were looking at me really strangely 'cause they're not used to me talking like that. I asked Amy how the group get together was and she looked really pleased and said, "Well, we postponed it to another day." Did she think that it would really upset me that she didn't tell me?! I was actually happy that she was getting the hint that I dont want to see them ever again. I had a bit of an urge to tell her that the reason I couldn't come to the planned get together was because I was recovering from an operation. That would've made her feel really guilty but I'm above that. It doesn't make me feel any better if she's upset or not because I simply do not care.

Now, I'm really stressing about the exam that I have to make up for because for some stupid reason the department didn't get my special consideration forms and I can't do the exam without those.

A Whole Old World

After a week of being at home, 'recovering' from my operation, I got extremely bored (as expected) and decided it was time to remember what the world outside looks like. I met up with Amelia (and her cousins who came from France) and hung out with them in the City.

I had a huge headache that just wouldn't go away since yesterday so it kept bugging me all day and ruining the fun.

We ended up finally getting a birthday present for Claudia (a month after her birthday) which we probably should give to her sometime before her next birthday. Poor girl hasn't got any presents from her closest friends yet. I would be very offended if it happened to me. I suggested that we take her out and give her a small surprise birthday party to make up for it. April said that we can tell her that the reason we're giving her a surprise party a month after her birthday is because otherwise it wouldn't have been such a big surprise. She can be funny. Speaking of April, I wonder what she's been up to... Maybe she got a new job and has been busy with that. I don't know why she didn't call last week. I think I might call her after my headache goes away.

Laughing Out Loud

I watched "Camera Trap" tonight for the first time. (For those who don't live in Australia or actually have plans on a Saturday night, it's basically about playing jokes on the unsuspecting public and then showing it to people who have nothing better to do than watch other people getting weirded out.) It was actually quite hilarious. Not too bad for Saturday night television.

It made me start thinking about all the different forms of entertainment that made me laugh out loud. The first one that came to my head is "Friends" because it never fails to at least make me smile. Then "Getting Over It" by Anna Maxted made me laugh out loud (which is quite rare for a book to do). It's not exactly very deep and full of literary meanings and can easily be passed as a light summer read but I've enjoyed it a lot more than other books (that are considered to be more meaningful). There was also the short lived "The Jamie Kennedy Experiment" which was quite hilarious at the beginning but then got a bit monotonous. "The Camera Trap" is actually quite similar but more creative. Also, some of the forwards that I get in my mail are really funny. I might post some.

The reason I'm writing about all this is because it'd be great if you told me what makes you laugh out loud (on my message board in this topic).

Dear Bravenet,

I'm glad you have thought about what I said and I can assure you that you came to the right conclusion. I knew you would.

Now that we're on speaking terms again, I would like to nicely ask you if it would be possible for you to show not only the last 5 visitors, but 50, just like you used to do before, and I'd really like the pretty green numbers back too. That would really be appreciated.

Sincerely,
Sky

Dear Bravenet,

What the hell happened to my counter?!!! If you don't come to your senses and start showing my visitors' IPs again (so I can make sure that no one who's not supposed to be reading my blog isn't), I will have to get another one. That is a threat!

If this is some lame way of trying to get people to pay, you are making a very big mistake that I'm sure you will undoubtfully regret.

I hope you will think about your decision very carefully and realise that it was not a smart move.

Sincerely,
Sky

I'm on a roll today. I found yet another readable blog. This one is a bit like regular columns in magazines/newspapers. The writer even admitted herself (might be himself) that her(his) entries sound like from "Sex and the City".

I found another cute journal that's just been started.

How cute is this?!!

Tragedies

I have been reading Katie's journal since the end of last year and I always thought of it as an ongoing novel (not a real person's life) but now something happened that is so typically fictional that I'm finding it very hard to believe that it's actually a very sad and tragic reality. (Her boyfriend died after she broke up with him although she loved him but just wanted some freedom to go out with other guys while she was still young.) I just can't get my head around that what happened to her is completely horrible. I feel really sad for her and can't even imagine what she's going through. What a horrible weight she must carry on her shoulders knowing that she didn't part with the person she loved on happy terms and then he died and she didn't tell him how much she loved him. Could there be anything worse than that? I hope not.

Speaking of tragedies, how terrible is it that those siamese twins both died right before the end of their surgery? I don't know why but I thought that everything would turn out good and that they'd both live.

I really should stop believing in happy endings in real life.

Nothing

I have absolutely nothing to write about but I'm writing anyway. I have been at home for the last few days since when I walk I look a like a 90 year old. I'm getting better though.

For some reason I feel anxious for something to happen. It's as if I know that something interesting will happen in the next 6 months, just like the last 6 months have been relatively eventful.

When one door closes another opens.

I'm a bit excited about looking for a new job because that means I'll get to meet new people and that's always fun. Also next semester I have all new classes which means meeting even more new people.

Max hasn't emailed for almost 2 weeks which is fine with me because I'm back to my normal self.

After The Operation

Well, I'm back without my gallbladder and gallstones. Good riddance. I could go into the details of my hospital stay but that would be boring for you to read and for me to write.

It turned out that it's not that rare for people my age to have this problem because there was a girl who's also 19 who had the exact same thing. She stayed in the same room as me. That was kinda good because I had someone to complain about the whole thing with, who completely understood. And it was good to have someone to just talk with after I started to get bored lying in bed for a whole day.

The only major difference between her and me was that she has a 5 months old child. I can't even imagine having a child at 19. The child's father is also her boyfriend who she lives with which is really good. When he came to visit her, I couldn't believe how young he looked. Both of them also sounded like such teenagers (which they are). Kids having kids is just too weird.

Although, if I got married now to a guy who already had a job, I'd llike to have a kid maybe in a year or 2. Yes, I'm weird too. But I'd only have one if we were in a financially stable situation. The reason I don't think it's not a bad idea having kids in early 20s is because it's great for a child to have young parents. My Mum had me when she was 22 and I absolutely love the fact that she's younger than all the other parents of people my age. And she didn't sacrifice her career or anything else to have me and my brother (who she had 2 and a half years later). So if she could do it, why can't everyone else?

While I was in hospital, I was wondering about what kind of person you have to be to want to be a nurse. The nurses were absolutely amazing considering they had to clean up after everyone and help people do basic things like adjusting beds and helping them walk to the toilet. And their horrible shifts. The young guy that looked after the room that I was in had to be there all evening, night and the following morning, and then come back the same evening to do all the tedious things again. And he was still cheerful! And unlike the other nurses who only came if you buzzed them, he came all the time to ask how we were and he stayed and talked as well. That minimized the boredom of staying there so much and it made the stay so much more comfortable because let's face it, who wants to stay in hospital?

Well, I'm glad to be home (where everyone is fussing too much over me) although my stomach is still quite sore. I decided to use this time to start getting my portfolio together so I can look for a proper graphic/web design job. All morning I've been teaching myself how to use Illustrator because lots of jobs need that skill. I can only use Photoshop properly but it's a bit different. Lots of jobs also need the skills of Quark (Xpress) but I can't find anyone who has the program. Well, at least I'm doing something useful with my time.

Before The Operation

On one hand, I'm glad my operation is tomorrow so I can have 3 weeks of holidays afterwards (instead of uni) but on the other, this is the time when everyone is going to go out. There's going to be a really good party tomorrow! There hasn't been one for a while and out of all days it has to be tomorrow!!! I know I'm being childish but this is NOT fair!

I haven't told anyone that I'm having my operation tomorrow, the same day as my exam. I hope my uni friends won't realise that I'm not there, otherwise they might get worried. And they won't be able to reach me because it's not like I'd be able to have my mobile with me.

I haven't told my school friends either although I thought about telling them. I just don't see the point. Only Amelia and April know that I'm supposed to have it. They just don't know when.

Nadine doesn't even know I have gallstones. I don't even want to talk to her. Just thinking about her makes me mad. I don't know how I ever tolerated her.

I got a message from Amy to have dinner with the rest of 'the group' next Tuesday. I don't want to go and now I have an excuse. I just don't feel like acting polite and pretending to have always been great friends when we never were. Insincerity makes me sick. I can't stand the whole fakeness of it all.

I don't even know why Amy is organising it. Maybe because she's lonely and wants to pretend that everyone was close friends with each other and because we were their closest friends in high school, which would completely not apply to me, we should keep in contact. My mum thinks that I should stay in touch with them because you never know if I might need these connections later but I'm so over that because the only reason I hung out with them in the fist place is because I thought that by knowing them, I'll meet great new friends (since most of the people in 'the group' are quite outgoing). After I realised that it's never going to happen, I stopped trying to keep in touch with them. I'd much rather just hang out with my close not-so-outgoing real friends. At least they know how to not take everything so seriously sometimes.

Just thinking about my friends makes me miss them. I haven't seen them (apart from Amelia) for a few weeks now. We were supposed to meet up this weekend but April has an exam on Monday so she can't make it, Amelia is working and I will just come home from the hospital so we're not meeting up then. I'll probably see them next week then. Can't wait.

Dream
I've had a new recurring dream lately. I've been dreaming of cats or more specifically kittens. The dream always starts out with me feeling really happy because the kittens are so cute but then I get frusrated at how difficult it is to take care of them. I have no idea what that could possible mean.