Dancing Cures All

Dancing Cures All

Just came back from the best birthday party ever. The last few birthday parties that I've been to have mainly revolved around eating and talking only to people who were sitting next to me. This, however, made it very easy to mingle.

Ellen (the birthday girl) got a guy to teach us ballroom dancing (something that I've been dying to try for ages). I expected to be dancing with April but there were actually more guys than girls who wanted to participate. Very surprising.

I got to dance with some funny guy who's name I can't remember. I got the hang of the dancing pretty quickly and showed him how to do it so by the end we were making our own moves and giving demonstrations to other people. We had such a fun time that after a while we didn't even realise that most people have already left the dance floor.

After that dance, I talked with April. She wasn't as lucky with her partner who apparently made her stick to the steps that were taught and counted the time all through the song. I was also telling April how I wanted to dance with a guy (who reminded me of Andrew) by the end of the night.

The second dance that we were taught, the guy who I wanted to dance with already had a partner but the same guy that I danced with earlier came to dance with me again so I was happy about that. April's first dance partner was nowhere to be seen (fortunately for April). We totally ruled the dance floor again and I had the best time, while glancing at the guy I wanted to dance with.

After this dance, April and I danced together for a while because she couldn't find a guy to dance with. I kept looking over at the guy that I wanted to dance with but he wasn't paying any attention to me.

The third ballroom dance that we were taught, I saw my usual partner but I went straight for the guy I've been wanting to dance with the whole time and asked him myself. He didn't reject me so that totally boosted my confidence (which was already pretty high from having the original guy ask me to dance a second time). He turned out to be a real pilot. I didn't know they came that young. He was pretty nice so we danced for a long time.

After that, I went to talk to April who told me of her embarrassing moment that happened right after I asked the guy to dance. Being motivated by my confidence, she smiled at some other guy and he smiled back and started walking towards her. He then walked past her and asked the girl behind her to dance. So it turned out that he wasn't actually smiling at April but at the other girl. That scenario is so cliche, I can't believe it happened.

After all the dancing, I felt so high that I didn't even care about Andrew not calling as much as I did. Dancing is the best drug for anything.

The Phone Call

The Phone Call

You know it's not going to happen but you wait anxiously for it anyway.

That's what I'm doing now. I'm expecting something that I know will not happen. Why do I have to torture myself like this?

Pretty Much Over

Pretty Much Over

Ok, I've convinced myself that nothing will come out of Andrew and I.

My Mum saw the girl (that knows him) and she said that he didn't say anything about me or he didn't talk to her or something. (But she did know he was meeting me on Sunday.) I find that hard to believe. He probably said something about not liking me and the girl didn't want to say to hurt my feelings.

Now, must make my head come down from the clouds, back to a place called Earth. Things will be back to normal in no time. Sure I'll be upset for a while but I'll deal with it the way I've been dealing with being single for all of my life. It's going to be painful but I have no other choice.

Will concentrate on my friends again and my trip to America.

Top Blog

Top Blog

Oh my God! My blog is ranked 7th on Top Blogs. And not just in the journal category (in which it's ranked first) but the whole site! Most of the ones in front of my blog are adult blogs. I don't know why I'm so happy about this but I am.

IF

IF...

April and I have been great friends since the first day we met, 5 years ago. Five years seems like nothing compared to 11 years I knew Nadine. 5 years is only a a quarter of my life but it feels like I've known April for an eternity.

It's very hard to find friends that you just click with in every way. So when you do, you know that person will be in your life for a very long time. I can't even imagine not being friends with April. Even though the last year we've been mainly relating to each other because of our non-existent boyfriends, we've been close friends way before that.

Last night we were talking about how weird it was that I finally went out on a date (and I'm only choosing to call it that because Andrew insisted on paying for dinner) and that only last week that thought seemed totally impossible. Also the fact that this all happened so fast was weird 'cause we didn't even get to talk much about it and analyse and hypothesise before it actually happened, like we do with all other anticipated events.

April is convinced I will go out with him but that's only because she's trying to prepare herself for the worst. She was saying how if I have a boyfriend, our friendship would change a lot. When I was younger and Nadine and I had those sorts of conversations, I was naive to think that one person getting a boyfriend could not possibly ruin a friendship. But now I know better.

I hate how guys can influence our lives so much and ruin friendships. It seems so ridiculous. I wish I was stronger and not let myself be influenced by such things. (Andrew is already diminishing my excitement about going to America because the anticipation of what might happen with him is a lot more exciting now.)

But now that I know how friends start drifting apart after one starts going out so I can try to prevent it. Like I told April that IF I get a boyfriend before her, she should still tell me trivial things that happen to her with guys at uni/work and not feel silly about it. However I'd have to tame my happiness which April said would be unfair to me because I should be able to talk about my happiness after what we went through. But IF I get a boyfriend, I can totally not show off about it because having one is all that's important.

We ended up deciding that IF I get one, we should both write what we want in our private blog so that later when she gets a boyfriend too, she can read it (if she can resist not reading it now) and she should write what she usually would. So this way we can still talk to each other about everything without actually doing so in real time which requires the other's reaction. That should prevent us from drifting away.

This is all of course very hypothetical because there's a high chance I won't get one. But we thought we'd talk about it before it actually happened since after that, she'd find it harder to relate to me. Like if now (maybe last week) I said she did something pathetic, she wouldn't get offended because I was in the same situation but if I had a boyfriend and said it, she would be understandably quite insulted.

Anyway, after all this hypothesining, I probably won't even get a second date.

I'm now over my hysteria phase and moving into the over-analysing phase. The phase where I reason everything out to believe that the 'date' went horribly and that there's no way he liked me.

This craziness is what happens when a girl never had a boyfriend for so long. So you'll have to bear with me going insane and having weird (more so than usual - hard I know) thoughts for some time.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Playing it over and over in my mind, hoping I might notice something I haven't before that would tell me how he felt. No such luck. He was an almost closed book. His eyes were always laughing and I couldn't tell what he was smiling about. Was he laughing at me? Was I saying weird things? Did I look like a complete fool with my grin? Were his eyes naturally like that? I wish I knew what he was thinking.

Today in the morning my brother and I were having breakfast together. I was waiting for him to ask me about Sunday since I haven't talked to him yesterday. We ate in silence for a while. Then -

Andy (carefully): how was Sunday?
me: I thought you'd never ask! It was excellent!

Then I told him the details and at the end he said, "The reason I didn't know if to ask you or not was because I didn't want you to start complaing on how bad the guy was". I told him I knew that it was very unusual for me not find any faults in the guy when I'm always very judgemental. Andy said he wanted to meet the guy that I couldn't find any faults in from the first impression (since that's when I rule out most guys). He, then, asked, "Is he marriage material?" I almost choked on my cereal. That was one question I wasn't expecting just yet! I told him after one date he didn't show any characteristics that would not make him marriage material.

For now, what I want most of all is for him to like me. Because if he does, that would make everything a lot easier.

Too Distracted

Too Distracted

I'm the worst procrastinator and all the bursts of energy that are running through my body aren't helping. I feel too restless and distracted. I've found every excuse not to do my assignments. I'm so going to regret this a few days before they're due.

I called up April in the morning to share the details of last night. Had a flashback to when Nadine first started going out and telling me about it. Convinced April that I'm not on the 'other side' yet and might not even be so she's not alone. I could just feel April's hurt through the phone line. She did a great job of being happy for me though which is why I love that girl.

I'm trying not to get carried away with the whole Andrew thing because nothing might happen. April said that if an hour with BG made me happy for months, the 'blind date' with Andrew will surely make my happiness last for a year. At least. Since we've been single for so long, every little thing makes us happy for ages so a great big thing will stretch my happiness even longer.

I also got Max's email in the morning. He's starting to get clingy. Not that I would've found it clingy if I hadn't met Andrew. Max can't even be compared to Andrew. I just knew I'd stop worrying about him as soon as I met a better guy. Andrew is ambitious, puts effort into things, he works hard for what he wants and I find those qualities very attractive. Max doesn't do any of that. Andrew is more intelligent than me and I love that.

Must stop thinking about Andrew so much because I'll just start obsessing and that's never a good thing. But then again, when has that ever stopped me?

It's just still a bit hard to believe that yesterday I got what I wanted for years. Lost all hope that I ever would. Of course now that I had that, I want more. I have a feeling he won't call. I guess I'll make myself call him next week.

Of course I'll be upset if he's not interested but I'll still be happy that I had something, rather than nothing.

Reporting Last Night

Reporting Last Night

I still can't stop smiling.

Last night exceeded all my expectations (although they weren't very high but still). Even though I was a bit early, he was already there. As soon as I realised it was him, my smiling hasn't stopped since. He looked so typically POBian - very tall, very blond hair, very blue eyes. I was so relieved. Although I expected the worst so anyone who didn't look like a monster would've made me relieved. He also looked a bit boyish which I like in a guy.

I think he might've been expecting a monster too because when we first started talking, it looked like he was trying to hold back smiling. That totally put me at ease because I was a bit too nervous just before meeting him.

We went to a small cosy restaurant and shared some nice food. The conversation flowed quite easily condsidering we've only met each other. I still had the goofiest smile on my face because all I could think about was that I was having dinner with a cute and very nice guy who was 'sorta' funny. I've wanted something like that for so long that it felt a bit surreal. I was hoping I wouldn't wake up as I usually do when things like that happen in my dreams.

I think I might've stared too much because at one point he asked me why I was looking at him 'like that' and was it because I didn't understand what he was saying. That was a bit embarrassing.

During dinner he kept getting a bit distracted by his phone. He could've been talking to his girlfriend (that I don't think he has) for all I cared because you couldn't even compare him to all the guys I know. He was smart and mature while still relaxed and easy-going (an impossible combination I used to think).

Of course I said numerous stupid things but it wouldn't have been me if I didn't.

After dinner, we went to see a movie. It was really bad but the time went by quickly because I entertained myself by thinking about the whole evening. It was good that the movie was a comedy (even though it wasn't funny at all) because I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

After that he walked me to the station and we went home. He said, "We'll call each other". If he won't, I sure will. But I hope so much that he does. Really really really hope that he liked me as much as I liked him. But even if he didn't, I still had a great time.

For once, when I was in the train by myself on my way home, I didn't get sad that I didn't have a boyfriend. I had to bite my lip to stop smiling.

Although I can't say that we totally clicked, he was such a smart and nice guy that it was impossible not to like him.

When I got home, my Mum was nervously waiting to hear how it went. My face said it all. All I could do was thank her.

Even though I usually fall asleep as soon as I hit the pillow, yesterday I kept tossing and turning because I still couldn't believe that guys like that actually existed (and not just in my head).

Woke up today at 6am feeling totally refreshed and still with a smile on my face.

In His Sister's Footsteps

In His Sister's Footsteps

My brother has just demonstrated his skills of lying. They are very similar to mine so I've taught him well. Although there was a bit of a downhill at the end which just showed that he didn't plan how to carry through.

me (to Dad, seeing Andy putting his shoes on): where's he going?
Dad: to pick up something... or someone?
[I'm trying not to laugh.]
Mum (suspiciously): why are you laughing?
me: nothing
Mum: do you know where he's going?
me: no
Mum: what's so funny then?
me: just the way Dad said it. Pick something up!
[Mum looks at me strangely.]
Dad (to Andy): what are you picking up?
Andy: uhm... some sheets... yeah... for the Maths exam... 'cause I wasn't at school when they gave them... I was at English... bye
[Andy runs out the door.]

Translation
Andy: I'm going to see my girlfriend but I can't tell you because you won't let me since I have exams.

They probably would do that but it would be stupid because he'd just be distracted all the time anyway.

Can't Expect The Unexpected

Can't Expect The Unexpected

At around 6:30pm, my brother was chatting to his girlfriend online and I was sitting in the room, annoying him (by requesting different songs) because I was bored. He kept annoying me back. A very common scene at our house. Then my mobile (which was closer to my brother) rings. I ask him who it is. He says it doesn't say.

I pick it up and hear a muffled male voice, "Hi, this is Andrew". I think my heart skipped a beat. Or two. He wasn't supposed to call yet. I was supposed to give my Mum my email so she could give it to the person who knows him along with my number. But apparently my Mum decided to just give him my mobile.

Anyway, we talked about this and that. The short awkward silences were filled quite quickly. The long awkward silence was filled by him asking to meet me.

After a long discussion about where and when, we've decided on Sunday night. I'd prefer it during the day but he can't. But I can't be choosy in my circumstances.

It's a bit hard to judge him right now because on one hand he sounded a bit odd but on the other, quite nice.

Not sure how I'm going to recognise him because he wouldn't say anything specific. I hope I like him. And I hope he likes me.

We'll see what happens. Expect the gossip by Monday. Wish me luck!

With Mum's Help

With Mum's Help

Last night my Mum came home and said, "I need to have a talk with you". I started getting worried. Did I do something really terrible? Did she want me to tell about what's going on with my brother? Was someone sick?

So nervously I waited for her to tell me what she was going to.

As soon as she smiled and said, "There's this guy..." I knew exactly what was coming ahead. I did my usual reaction of eye-rolling which allowed her to continue. She told me how she met some POBian girl in her post-grad class at uni who has a 'friend' who wants to meet me. A 23 year old 180cm non-smoking accountant friend.

Right now I'm up for anything so I told her that I'd meet him. I have nothing to lose. His name is Andrew, like my brother. The last guy my Mum tried to introduce me to had my Dad's name. I really don't know how she finds these guys who have names of my family members.

The only thing she told the girl about me was that I'm not tall. I really don't see how that's important but it might've been her way of finding out whether the guy was short. With all my shoes that all have platforms or thick soles, he's not going to notice my height anyway.

Apparently he moved to Australia when he was 16 and so he prefers to speak in POBian. I don't mind that much but my articulation skills are more limited in POBian. He has no family here.

I'm not expecting much to come out of this but hopefully it'll go further than with Ben (i.e. I'll actually get to talk to him or meet him).

It's weird to think that only a few weeks ago I didn't have any hope of meeting any guys any time soon but then there was Luke (the podiatrist) and Max seems eager to talk to me and now Andrew.

Even if nothing happens with any of them, at least I have something to look forward to (guy-wise) for a little while.

Downfall

Downfall

"I wonder how you sleep
I wonder what you think of me
If I could go back
Would you have ever been with me
I want you to be uneased
I want you to remember
I want you to believe in me
I want you on my side
Come on and
Lay it down

I've always been with you
Here and now
Give all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall"

- Matchbox 20

Lately I've decided not to bother with him anymore but then he goes and emails me.

Max is my downfall.

Countdown To Adventure

Countdown To Adventure

I just realised what date it was today - one month till America! Yipee!! (I don't think I've actually said or written that word before, does it have a double p?)

Can't believe it's so close! I just know it will be a great adventure! I haven't been overseas since I was 15 when I went on an exchange program. But this is going to be so different! Lauren and I are going to have a blast (another word I don't say).

It's weird that when I write I use words I never say in real life. Anonymous writing gives such freedom of words.

Anyway, America. I've been dreaming of going there since I was 13 and it's going to be a reality so soon! My heart is buzzing with excitement. A whole month of doing nothing but exploring places I've only seen on TV and movies. Some people say that it's nothing exciting but not to me. Any new place is exciting because it holds the promise of adventure and constant change. And I need some change in my life. The monotony makes me live in my head too much. I need to move out of my mind and into the real world which is always more exciting than anything my imagination can conjure up. Because it's actually real.

For now, I'll take a deep breath and enjoy the anticipation of looking forward.

Free Time Leads To Laziness

Free Time Leads To Laziness

I've been becoming so lazy lately. Instead of taking advantage of my free day today and doing assignments, I only spent a little over an hour doing that.

I should stop borrowing books from the library when I have uni work to do 'cause I get too distracted.

And just having more free (from going to uni/work) time than I usually had in the past is making me too blase about everything. I went for a job interview last month that I didn't write about and they didn't take me because they knew I'd leave them after I finish uni. So I have very bad timing right now, 'cause I can't work full-time but I can't get a more time-consuming casual job because as soon as they ask when I'm going to finish uni, they change their tune.

My uni friends are also experiencing the same problem.

Lots of people are postponing their job searches by studying more but I'm over studying. Another degree won't help me get a job. I need practical experience now.

April, Me and Fungus

April, Me and Fungus

I told April about what happened (more like not happened) yesterday with the cute podiatrist and she had some suggestions on how I should go about it.

April: u could research something about feet (or the problem ur grandma has) and start asking intelligent questions
me: fungus? eww!!!
April: I see you are not very devoted there!
me: when he was telling me what she had, in my head i was like 'please stop!'
April: well that's no way to get a man :P
if u marry him, u'll have to hear it a lot
me: u r thinking a bit too far ahead
April: hey, considering how few chances we get, this is like a golden opportunity
me: I know I know! I'm just not sure the best way to go about it
April: i just told u what to do!
research fungus!
me: is there another way?
April: no! u'll sound intelligent this way
but don't look disgusted
and he'll think u really care about ur grandma
me: i should've asked him when he moved to australia so i could find out his age but didn't think of it then
April: now, time for some research :P
enjoy!
me: omg, i can't believe i'm going to do this
April: don't think like that
me: no, I can't. It's too gross
April: how can u say it's gross? it's a serious problem!
me: fungus or my dating life?
April: well, it's your choice
me: ok, I'll look it up
April: lol!!!
me: shut up
April: I'm proud of your new low
me: I can't look at the sites. Just the names of the sites are making me sick
April: stop it, be strong
think of the wedding!
me: I can't!!!! I really can't!
April: if you had it, I'm sure you'd feel differently
me: just seriously type fungus into a search engine and you'll see that just the names of the results will make you sick
April: ok, wait...
me (referring to the results): fungus of the month? lol
April: u should ask him if he belongs to any 'fungus of the month' clubs
me: lol
April: cousin fungus??? lol
me: lol
the fungus among us
April: I can't breathe
Fun Facts About Fungi
me: lol
April: Humongous Fungus
me: fungi perfecti
April: my parents are going to think i've lost my mind i'm laughing too much
me: i'm going to see some fun facts
"We find fungi so fascinating that we wanted to share some fun facts about fungi "
April: Humongous Fungus A New Kind Of Individual
April: we shouldn't make fun of it
me: no, we shouldn't
lol
the fun facts aren't so fun
me: click on toenail fungus at the top to be grossed out
April: i don't want to be grossed out, i can barely type i'm laughing so much
i'm scared to click on that link
me: please do
April: it doesn't sound very pleasing does it?
me: my toenails hurt from reading it
April: FUNGUS 2000 - The Official Band Site
http://www.fortunecity.com/tinpan/ash/222/
i'm intrigued by this band, fungus 2000
me: lol
maybe fungus brought them together?
April: Anthony came up with the name, "Fungus", because, at the time, "my thumb nail had been over-come with fungus"
me: they're australian
April: i know
me: and our age
April: do u want to go hear them play :P
me: lol
ok!
April: omg, we're so sad
me: although now they're probably older cos they didn't have a gig since 99
April: if they were 21 in 99...
me: their name obviously wasn't catchy enough for long term success
April: they'd be six years older which is okay
what the hell am i saying?
they're probably washed up singers living with their parents?
me: so 6 years older is ok now?
April: yup, anything is ok now
me: i'm up to 7
April: i'm on unlimited
me: so u'd go out with a 50 year old?
April: lol! no!!!!
okay i'll say 8, maybe 9
me: wow, you've changed!
April: i just don't have standards anymore
me: well, if they're older, at least they'll have lots of interesting stories to tell u
April: yeah well u can tell how far we've come, considering we're checking out a band called fungus
me: "when i was you age..."
April: oh that's a horrible thought
it's like they're grandpas
me: lol
April: I just want a guy to ask me out
any guy
even if I said no
me: even a 50 year old?
April: why would a 50 yr old ask me out?
me: cos he's a creep?
April: and why are u so obsessed with that age?
me: just giving you a perspective
April: i don't care for ur creepy 50 yr old perspective
me: well, you said any guy
April: I'd say no to him
although that's so gross
me: I just want any guy attention
April: even mr. 50 yr old Creep?
me: lol
good point
April: just giving u a perspective :P

April and I amuse each other so much.

Cute Guy in the Unlikeliest Place

Cute Guy in the Unlikeliest Place

I had to go to a podiatrist with my grandma today in the morning. I was hoping it would finish quickly until I actually saw the doctor. He looked only a bit older than me and was definitely very cute. We got talking about how he’s from a country that’s very close to POB and that POBian sounds very familiar to him. I wondered how far I could go with moving the conversation away from my grandma and her feet without sounding like I was interested in him. Not very far.

He seemed just happy that someone almost his age came in because there’s always only him and a middle-aged receptionist there all the time. Poor guy.

When he finished with my grandma and I was making another appointment (during the time when I’m going to be in America, unfortunately), he said to call him if we had any questions. I wish I did but there’s nothing that I could possibly ask him (except, “do you have a girlfriend?” and ‘do you want to go out?”)

Even though it’s nice to meet cute guys (since it happens so rarely), with it also comes the realisation that nothing can ever happen anyway.

I also wondered why a young guy would want to work with sick feet all day; did he have a feet fetish? Anyone who has fetishes freaks me out. And maybe he was gay anyway – he did look a little ‘stylish’ (best word I can think of). Even my grandma thought he was cute and also wondered why he’d want to work with feet. Why anyone would want to.

I wish I could go with my grandma to her next appointment so I can talk to him more. Maybe I should call up the clinic and ask to change the date. Maybe he can write a letter to me, to my grandparents’ address (since that’s the only one he knows). Ok, I think that’s pushing it too far.

Cheering Up

Cheering Up

Wow, my assigment didn't take as long as I thought. So I came online (since we got cable now and it's too easy to just connect whenever). I got an email from April. Little things like that always cheer me up so much.

Other things that cheer me up:

• messages from my friends, just to tell me something not important (like April messaging me to tell me that "Dancing With The Stars" ruined the Maroon 5 song "She Will Be Loved" or Amelia writing me a message in French or Max wanting to know how I am).
• dancing
• upbeat songs
• a positive book
• kids (like yesterday when I came home to find my little cousins there going insane)
• pets (like Claudia's dog)
• friendly strangers (this is not just a reference to BG)
• a phone call from Nadine
• positive feedback (whether it be a good mark or comments from readers which are always appreciated)
• waking up refreshed in the morning
• seeing someone do something nice for someone else (like people helping mothers hold their prams when they get off the train)
• doing something good without anyone knowing
• getting a job
• seeing my students understand things that they have been having problems with
• being the bearer of good news
• the thought of going to America

That's all I can think of now.

Feelings Suck

Feelings Suck

I don't want to dwell on this but I realised something that hadn't occurred to me earlier. I'm only 99.9% sure about this but I think that the blogger who wrote bad stuff about me is one of the commenters who pretended to understand what I was writing about (even though I didn't think she did). How odd...

I went to a dance class today and it was absolutely great. I had the best time. Exactly what dancing should be like. I think if I've started doing dancing seriously when I was kid, I might've wanted to do it as a career 'cause I love it so much.

Now, I should be doing my assignments but I'm not in the mood (when am I ever?) I feel like something's not right but I can't put a finger on it.

When Andrew and I were catching up yesterday, he apologised for being moody and he said that he knew he was being like that but couldn't help it. And I said that it was just weird 'cause it was so not like his usual easy-going and laid-back self. So he said that he got tired of always being easy-going and putting up with everything and everyone (which he always did but I thought it was just his nature but it turned out that he actually put a lot of effort into being like that, never realised he had such strong nerves). Anyway, I'm just happy to have my brother back. I had a thought that the fact he has a girlfriend now, we might drift apart, like Nadine and I did after she started going out, but hopefully we won't 'cause when it's family it's different, right? Well, it better be!

Maybe I feel weird now 'cause it's like everyone' moving on in their lives but I'm left behind. I feel stuck.

Also, my comments are a bit stuffed. The comments counter doesn't get updated sometimes.

I also realised that I write "I feel..." ALL the time! I'm going to try and stop doing that 'cause I don't think anyone likes reading emotional and sentimental stuff all the time. I know I don't.

Must remember that although I see this as my diary, it really isn't because other people read it.

My Effect On People

My Effect On People

Hmm, I don't know how to react to something that I just read in another blog.

I know that by being honest and writing what's on my mind in here (even if it's just ramble and random silly thoughts), I'm open to people judging me. But I really never expected for another blogger to devote a whole entry on what an immature, racist, anti-religion, stupid, intolerant, uninformed etc. person I am. And yet, that person has been reading my blog from the beginning. I wonder why that person comes back... Do they enjoy reading immature stupid stuff? (Reminds me of "Felicity" when Noel said, referring to his and Felicity's cartoon series, "If people hate our cartoon but watch it anyway, that means they really love it".)

In that blogger's entry, she has also assumed lots of things that I've never said.

Sometimes we judge other people too much and mistake traits such as being able to be silly and think crazy things as immaturity. Acting childish is not a sign of immaturity when you know that you're acting that way. I think that if I didn't behave silly with my friends, I would have a nervous breakdown. It's nice to escape from the seriousness of the world when you're with your friends. It's relaxing.

Also, when I say I feel superior, it doesn't mean that I am. I just feel like that because of dumb things that lots of people do (like smoke, get drunk etc.) And I don't see how being anti-religion is a bad thing. I don't tell people to stop being religious. I just don't agree with them. And it's good to be able to let off steam about certain things.

At first, it hurt to read it but after the initial shock, I realised that everyone is entitled to their opinion and she's free to write about me, just as I'm free to write about what I want.

Looking at the big picture, the fact that some person (who I don't even know) thinks such things about me isn't important.

The Other Side

The Other Side

My brother and I made up! He just couldn’t hold in any longer that he got a girlfriend. His first one.

He said that he wanted to not make up until the end of his exams because he knew that he’d want to talk to me about it all the time and not study. But too late now. (He also said that he was planning on making up before I was going to America because he didn’t want me to leave on such bad terms.)

I sort of knew he got one because in the last few weeks he got very secretive and always had a weird smile on his face.

His girlfriend is one of the girls I met that I said were too teeny-bopperish. He said that she was a lot like me. I don’t know if to take that as a compliment or an offence.

I’m happy for Andrew but I got even sadder for myself. Like April said, everyone moves to the ‘other side’ sooner or later, except us.

We went to the dancing class but didn’t stay ‘cause there were only old people there (I think I might be psychic). We hung around the city for a while trying to find a guy to chat up to make ourselves feel better. But it didn’t really work (if you don’t count [and I don’t] my sad attempt at asking a guy at the cinema when some movie is coming out).

On the train on the way home, I felt so depressed and frustrated at my inability to get a boyfriend when everyone around me has one.

Probing Naturopathy and Partners

Probing Naturopathy and Partners

I went to a naturopath today, being 'rejected' by the doctors. The woman (who looked about 30 and therefore made me a bit worried that she wouldn't know what she's doing since she wouldn't have had enough experience) asked me so many different questions, I was stuck for words. What kind of temper did I have? Did I have good grades? What was my energy level? Was I sensitive? To what? What was my stress level? What kind of personality did I have? Which emotions did I experience the strongest? etc. etc.

I got prescribed lots of homeopathic remedies which cost a lot of money and will hopefully work. If they don't, I'm stuffed - being itchy and red all the time isn't fun.

After I got home, my brother informed me that I had to take my grandpa to the hospital. While he was getting tests done, a girl who worked there started chatting to me and the first thing she mentioned was her boyfriend. Argh, I'm sick of people's boyfriends. Every time someone mentions theirs, it just highlights the fact that I don't have one. (Maybe I should call up Max so I can hang out with him and pretend that he's my boyfriend. Very pathetic, I know.) Then we had to wait for the results so my grandpa and I went for a walk. It's nice to share some quality time with my grandpa because I won't be able to have that forever.

Even though my grandparents (on my Dad's side) aren't young, they have very modern minds and it's easy to talk to them. I'm lucky to have them.

April and I are going to a ballroom dancing class tonight. I already decided what it's going to be like - lots of old couples and I'll have to do the guy's part or feel guilty if April does the guy's part. I wonder if Max likes dancing... maybe he could do the guy's part so I can enjoy the class.

Ok, I'm messaging him next Monday so we can talk on the phone.

Or if we get to rotate partners, the guys will probably all be sleazy middle-aged ones. Ew, I'd rather dance with April.