Guess What?

I no longer have a boyfriend. I have a fiancee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still in a bit of shock 'cause even though I've been waiting for this and expecting, I still can't quite believe it.

Maybe I need some time for the whole thing to sink in.

Haven't told April yet 'cause it's late but I can't wait to do it tomorrow.

David convinced me to take a day off work tomorrow. Not sure what excuse I'll use. I wonder if "I'm engaged" is good enough.

Don't think I can sleep tonight.

Telling my parents was nerve-wrecking. I was too worried my Mum would cry but she held up.

I know it's a big deal but I don't want other people emphasising it.

I wonder how other people feel straight after being engaged.

To be honest, I'm a little scared. Even though I've given this a lot of thought (before David asked me to marry him), I still feel nervous. Is that weird?

I think I'm better now than I was a few hours ago.

Oh. My. God. I am getting married!!!!!!

Trees In the Wind

I'll light up the tree, call up the guests
But no one will come
I'll set the table and sit in the corner
The cake in front of me

Night will be beautiful and bright
Zero degrees
I'll stick up your photo on the wall
Playing the role of Juliet

But the trees in the wind are shaking their heads
I also don't understand why you're not with me

Put on my coat, go outside
Cold darkness out there
The phone is silent, A minor in my soul
And the string has burst

But the trees in the wind are shaking their heads
I also don't understand why you're not with me

Behind a wall, lives a white mouse
Without family or friends
The snow buried the city up to the roofs
The snow is the guru and know-it-all

But the trees in the wind are shaking their heads
I also don't understand why you're not with me

You promised to come at eight
But on the clock it's already eleven
You are still not here
I look out the window but there's only snow

Ok, this is not one of my best translations but I love this song, sung by the most innocent girl's voice. Soft but clear. It makes me sad but comfortable.

Almost Monday

Not looking forward to work tomorrow. Especially my idiotic manager.

Last week she signed a print approval form (that it was fine for the work to go to print). A week later (after I've already approved the proof) she told me that she had to make some changes to the text. I reminded her that it was about to be printed because she signed the form. With a look of shock in her face, she said, "I didn't realise that's what I was signing!"

I mean, there are just no words.

She told me to immediately call the printer and stop the process. Lucky when I called, he hasn't started our job.

I try not to let it stress me because it's not like I'll be in trouble if she's signing off things she hasn't even read. But still, I like to get things done right. At least I have a job so I shouldn't really complain.

The good thing about Mondays is that once they're over, the rest of the week seems to fly by. It's hard to believe it's end of February already!

Short & Sweet

Last night I saw a collection of short plays. I was very impressed because there were no elaborate sets (if any at all) and the costumes were nothing exciting either. However, the script and the acting were enough to completely immerse me in the stories. I still can't get them out of my head.

Everyone was there, except David. He didn't want to go. He really missed out! I knew he would've loved it. As I was watching them, I really wished he was with me to share the fun. Oh well, next time.

There was one about a couple's marriage problems and April and I interpreted it completely differently. It's interesting how being in a relationship, I saw the play in a quite different way.

The Moving Out Club

Another one of my friends is moving out. You might remember me mentioning Sally (especially duing my uni days). She's got a very interesting story but I can't tell you because I still fear someone from my uni reads this blog.

Let's just say she is in a long distance relationship with someone her family doesn't like. Sometimes I think she doesn't like him either. She told me once she was afraid of never finding anyone else. Anyway, long story.

I wonder if her boyfriend finally decided to move to our city and she's moving out with him. Very curious to know all the details.

Well, another "moving-out" friend to add to my growing list.

I Want it Now

I'm sick of my Mum's pressure about David's and my future. Just sick of it!

She tells me everything I already know. She keeps forgetting I'm not the only one in the relationship. Wish David was simpler and didn't make such a big deal out of little things, but I can't change him. I'm stuck and it's making me very frustrated and upset.

I know I can never have what I've always dreamed of and even though I've accepted it, I still wonder why David can't make it happen. Yes, I've heard his reasons but they don't really make sense to me. And he knows it.

I try to stop the "why"s from surfacing 'cause they only upset me and no one else. I should be happy I have him, right? Other things shouldn't matter. But as we all know, once we have something, we want more. And more... and more.

My constant analysing creates doubt in what's going on. I try to block this doubt because I don't want it to be true. Then I get confused if this doubt has a real basis or if it's just a result of my over-thinking.

My patience has been tried way too much. I'm sick of waiting and not being able to do anything. I feel powerless. I can't get what I want and I don't like that. This is probably because I'm spoilt.

I've also just remembered how my Dad never gave me the POBian English dictionary of swear words. I found it when I was a child and made the biggest mistake by running around the house and saying, "Look, what I've got!" My Dad quickly took it away from me and told me he wouldn't give it back until I was mature enough. None of my begging and pleading made any difference.

Then when I tured 21, I told him that I proved to be old enough to read it and just wanted to have a look out of curiosity. He kept saying he forgot to bring it back from work. I confronted him about it and he made it very clear that he was never going to give it to me. You can't imagine how mad it made me. I kept pestering him but he never budged. (Don't think there's anyone more stubborn than him.)

It still angers me that he broke his promise.

Don't know where I'm going with this story other that I hate when I can't get what I want, especially when I've been looking forward to it.

Dancing with David

David and I finally enrolled in a dance course together. We are going to be doing 2 hours of (Ballroom and Latin) dancing every week.

As you can imagine, I was really looking forward to it. Since it's a local class, I didn't expect to see many people so I was quite surprised to see all ages of both males and females in the class.

David and I had a 'conflict' before the class even began. It was very stupid but I got very annoyed nonetheless. Fortunately, dancing has the ability to make you forget why you were irritated in the first place and brings people back together.

As we were doing the "Slaoo, slaoo, quick, quick" of the Slow Rhythm, David said, "Baby, I'm a natural at this!" Just then, the elderly instructor came up and said, "Young man, let me show you how to do this correctly".

I tried not to smile. After the instructor left, David's ego said, "Ballroom dances are so uptight! You can't have any fun". I told him good dancers have to be versatile. He poked out his lower lip like an upset child and said, "Why does she have to pick on me?"

I tried to comfort him, "She's only telling you this because she knows you've got potential to be really great, unlike the others who have no hope". He didn't seem too convinced, but it was starting to get much easier to dance with him.

When we were instructed to rotate partners, I obviously stayed put. Then an elderly lady came up to us and said, "It's time to move on". We both shook our heads, not even looking at her. Then, this lady tapped me on my shoulder and told me that it was her turn to dance with David. She didn't look too nice when she said it either. David pulled me closer and I explained that "we'd like to stay together". The lady looked confused for a moment but then grumpily moved on to a male closer to her age.

I had my time of rotating and dancing with weird guys. Now I wanted to dance with my hot naturally self-assured boyfriend.

We learnt the basics of Rumba next. It had the Latin feel of the Salsa so it came a lot easier to both of us, even though it was supposed to be the more difficult dance.

I really enjoyed myself and can't wait till the next lesson!

Me or the Train

me: you better go or you're going to miss your train
David: but then I'm going to miss you

My Valentine's Day

The best compliment I got on Valentine's Day was when David didn't realise I made the card for him. He thought I bought it. Nothing can make a designer feel as good as being thought of as a pro.

Creativity Block

The internet is stifling my imagination. I realised this when my computer decided to stop working. Not having the internet I had to resort to old ways of entertaining myself, such as reading (which I've been really neglecting). It's amazing how many more useful things I could be doing if it wasn't for the internet.

I used to write creatively before I discovered blogging. I used to draw, create projects... Now I just can't be bothered. The internet is just the easiest form of entertainment, other than TV. The interactivity of the world wide web make the internet more exciting than watching a screen passively.

I was even thinking of making myself stop using the internet for a few weeks to see what I could do instead. But I don't think I could do it.

My Valentine

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I'm strangely looking forward to it. I don't want to 'cause it's such a commerical holiday which used to make me bitter but I can't help it.

'Cause someone asked me to be his Valentine. So corny but so cute. I can't help but smile.

Plus I just have this tingly feeling inside me that 'something' might happen. It probably won't but I can't help but hope that it will.

Such a Lovely Shade of Grey

Cold rainy days are great for staying cacooned inside in the comfort of your own home. Preferably curled up on the couch with another warm body (but obviously not just any body).

Love cold dark wet days but only if I don't have to be at work.

What Friend?

Amelia messaged me last week because she was "obliged" to tell me that there was a shoe sale near my work. Before, that message would've made me smile but this time, I felt sad. I didn't even reply. Couldn't get the stupid things she said out of my head and I don't think I ever will.

I think once the respect is gone, it's too hard to maintain the same level of friendship.

The Perfect World

What my perfect world would be like:

- no violence
- no cruel/evil people (e.g. murderers/terrorists)
- no jealousy/envy/anger/depression/grief and all the other negative emotions
- no illness/sickness/injury and no pain
- no death (unless you were ready to die)
- no weapons
- no discrimination
- no religion
- no deception
- no guilt
- no one would ever be judged negatively or looked down on

- all food would be good for you
- you could pick what you want to look like
- you'd always be in perfect health (no toothaches/sore eyes/allergies etc.)
- you would never have to waste time going to the toilet
- you would always be clean so you'd never have to wash or brush your teeth
- giving birth would be painless and pregnancy would last only a few weeks (at most)
- no one would have to shave
- no periods

- you could have any career you want and you'd always love your job
- you'd have plenty of time to do things outside of work
- you'd only need 4 hours of sleep so you'd have more time to do other things

- everyone would have friends and family
- everyone would feel passionate love
- everyone would have great sex

- the environment would always be in perfect shape and abundant with natural resources
- there would be a perfect balance between sunshine and rainy days and cool breezes
- no such thing as sunburn
- your hair would always remain in great condition even when you go swimming in the ocean
- animals and humans would live in perfect harmony

- no traffic jams, ever
- never have lack of energy

Never having any of the above obstacles would make people concentrate on scientific research and the Arts and other projects.

And of course, there'd be no conflift/contradiction between the above things and no reasons such as rules of economy/physics/human nature to prevent them.

Most of all, we would be able to appreciate that perfect world and devour life with enthusiasm and excitement.

About Dreams

"You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it. You want something? Go get it."

Watched Pursuit of Happyness yesterday and the above quote really got me thinking.

Ever since I can remember I always had the same dream. (You know, show business). My parents knew it but they always told me that my dream was not practical. Since I was highly influenced by my parents and very sensible, deep down I was too scared to take any risks to make my dream a reality.

Yes I've tried (probably not hard enough) and the result of my dream not coming to fruition was proof to me that my dream was unreachable. It was just not realistic.

Another major obstacle for me is thinking I'm not good enough. You see all these people who are so sure of themselves when they don't even realise they're nowhere near who they think they are. I never want to be one of those people. I want to be realistic about my abilities. Maybe my realism stops me from doing things. I wish I could think "Just cause other people can't do it, doesn't mean I can't either".

You can think I'm just full of excuses for my lack of motivation and persistence. You might even be right. Of course I want things to come easier. Maybe it gets to a point where you have to decide how much you really want your dream because if you really really want it, you would do anything. Maybe I just don't want it hard enough.

Last week I decided to live by a new rule - "Never say no to anything" (please no smart-arse comments about this). Life is too short, I'm going to take up every single opportunity. You never know where it might lead me. If I can't work in movies, I will make my life a movie.

My Boss is Stupid

Before a few months ago, work was great! I liked everyone. Everyone liked me. It was a pleasure to be there.

This was all before my direct manager decided to follow her husband to another city and leave her position to what can only be classed as a "very self-confident idiot". And let me tell you, that type of idiot is the worst.

Let me illustrate my point.

SCI (i.e. self-confident idiot) asked me to make a poster of the map with all our organisation's locations to send to potentional international clients. Easy. I found a very clear map from our database, added some 'design elements' and voila.

She looked at it carefully and said, "Sky, can you please add circles around the CBD, every 10km so they can see how far everything is". I pointed to a very clear map scale in the corner. She looked at it, laughed and said, "Sky, who can even read map scales? Add the circles."

I did not argue, smiled and said, "Sure".

(Only a couple of days ago, we got a community college course catalogue in the mail and my Dad and I heartily laughed at the course "Reading Maps" - only $75!)

Now, if this example wasn't enough to convince you, I will tell you of another one.

SCI asked me, "Can you design a poster?" I said, "Sure, what would you like it to be about?" She replied, "I don't know. Just do the design and I'll think about it later".

Really, I can go on and on. But I won't. Well, actually, one more example (just to make myself feel better).

We went to a meeting with external design agency and they asked, "How would you measure the success of your new corporate image?" An excellent question, I thought. She replied almost immediately, "I'll just know it."

I also get to hear her constantly complain how bad everything is and how she's going to change everything because she knows "what's good and what's not". If only that was the case, I might not get so annoyed at her. Unfortunately she has the worst ideas that I (and everyone else in my team) has to go along with.

She's also the type that likes to 'delegate'. She often asks me to deal with difficult client situations (even though she's the one who should do it) and print off documents (that I've already printed and she lost) for her "to make things easier".

The main problem is that she can't even do her job. One of her main responsibilities is to proofread/edit all text that comes in for advertising, brochures, newsletters etc. First day she joined our team, she gave me the article and said, "Sky, can you please proofread it. I never notice mistakes". Not only does she not notice them but she makes the silliest ones. I'm not one to write correctly, but to notice a professional's mistakes is just not right.

It's good that I have experience working with difficult people so I don't take it personally and don't try to object. The good thing is that she seems to like me. Thank God. Makes my work life just that little bit easier.

Would love to hear of any other "difficult boss" stories. It'll make me feel better.

My Australia Day

What it means to be an Australian to me:

• having a picnic with my close friends (each from a different background) in front of the city's most beautiful view
• watching the theme boats blaring out party music
• getting sunburnt no matter how many times I put on sunscreen - the sun always finds a spot I missed
• listening to free bands
• having dinner at a Korean restaurant with the most fun guy on the planet
• standing in a huge crowd watching the firework spectacle in the sky

Now, to the gossip details.

Amelia brought a shisha. Being the innocent and sheltered person that I am, I had no idea what it was. When she said the word 'smoking', I thought she didn't really mean smoking, but some novelty thing.

April sensed my confusion and motioned with her face that Amelia really was planning on smoking. To say I was shocked would be a bit of an understatement. I knew Amelia was a little crazy but I never thought she could be so stupid. April later said she wasn't surprised.

Since Christine's 11 year old cousin was there, I said to Amelia, "Do you think it's a good idea to smoke that with kids around?" and she replied, "Parents smoke around their kids all the time".

That was a different low. I felt like I lost a friend. I can never respect Amelia again. I don't feel like talking to her. To say something like that... I just had no words.

April and I went for a walk and I found plenty of words to tell her. April was kind enough to listen to how I just couldn't believe Amelia, alhough she wasn't shocked in the slightest.

I expected such things from Christine, but never Amelia. And to say that it was ok to smoke in front of kids 'cause other parents did it! That was just too much. What happend to considering that other adults (not just kids) might not want to inhale smoke and kill their lungs?

The stupidity and selfishness of that all... argh.

Later when a colourful boat with dancers on board came close to where we were and Amelia said to me, "Come on Sky! Let's go and say hello," I just mumbled that I was happy in the shade and didn't want to walk over to the water. She said, "I'm going, life is too short" and happily bounced along the grass in her short white summer dress.

I saw her wave to the boat and remembered her in year 8 at school, when she was a nerdy kid. Would've never expected that plain girl to turn out into someone with a lot of style but no concept of reality.

April said that I just chose to ignore all the hints of Amelia's strange behaviour and just saw her friendly and normal side. I mean let's look at the facts:
- she went out with a married man
- hangs around Georgia (a very disturbed girl)
- brought a baseball bat for her work "for protection"
- went on about inflicting bad revenge on the married guy 'cause she 'thought' (or maybe she knew) that he took advantage of her when she was drunk.

It all adds up.

I told April that I felt like I couldn't believe anyone was sane anymore. I said that if April started smoking and drinking a lot, the world was upside down. April replied, "I can promise you I won't smoke". I waited for her to say the same about getting drunk but she just laughed knowingly.

Now to Part 2 of the day.

After the picnic, April and I met up with Ella and Liz. Liz's relatively new boyfriend came a little later. I was interested in meeting him 'cause he was POBian and also because Liz always complained about him but desperately waited for his calls anyway. I saw him for a minute on NYE but that wasn't enough to form any impressions.

The 10 minutes of seeing him yesterday formed a very strong impression of him. And not a positive one. He pretty much went on about her breast. I don't know if he was trying to be funny but it was getting seriously awkward. Ella, April and I weren't even saying anything anymore but he just went on and on! He was sounding like an immature 15 year old, not a 27 year old man.

After that incident when that guy went to talk on the phone, Liz asked us, "Is he crazy or am I?". Although Liz is crazy, this time it was definitely her boyfriend who was was very inappropriate.

April and I agreed that if you had a problem with you boyfriend, you should go and tell him how bad he made you feel with his comments, not complain to your girlfriends. I bet he didn't even realise how his words affected her.

Later I met up with David and told him about my eventful day. He said he always knew Amelia was weird and the fact that she smoked didn't come as a surprise to him. About Liz's boyfriend, he said if he was there, he'd tell the idiot to be quiet. He said that you don't focus other people's attention to your girlfriend's body, you have to be the one to protect her from others and show respect and not embarrass her. Then he said, "We are the only normal couple".

I think the only people I can really trust is April and David.

"We can't ban alcohol! Ugly girls would never have sex again."

- POBian radio

Charming.

Shared Reality

While we were driving to my house and having one of those "I'm so in love with you and don't care if I sound sentimental" discussions, David said to me, "You're the only one I really connect with. We share the same reality".

The last part really got me thinking. Shared reality... Very profound.

Everyone has their own concept of reality, right? It's all a matter of perspective. I guess that's when you get 'a click' with a person - you see life in a similar way.

In my life, I only ever had three 'clicks' (not including any childhood friendships). First one was with Nadine, second with April (probably the biggest sharer of my reality) and third, of course David.

You just get in this zone where you know how the other person thinks and feels. Anyone who ever had that click with someone (whether it be a friend or partner) knows just how wonderful it feels.

If only more people shared the same reality.

The M Word

A couple has been going out for a while. The guy says, "We've been going out for a while, I think we should take the next step". The girl thinks, "Ohmygod, he's going to propose". The guy says, "Would you move in with me?"

Yes, asking to move in is the new step between dating and marriage. At least it seems to be nowadays.

Personally, I'm against it. You can blame that opinion on my mother who convinced me that such a thing was a bad bad idea.

In theory, moving in together before marriage seems like a great concept, right? I mean it's like a trial run for marriage.

Only not quite so. When you move in together, you still have your stuff divided (e.g. bank accounts) so you might have problems over dividing the bills. Then, if you have a big argument, it would be just so easy to separate, whereas if you are married you'd try harder to work things out. Because big arguments pass.

April is all for moving in first. She says it's better to get separated than get divorced. But moving in doesn't have the commitment of marriage. You don't need to try to work things out when it's much simpler to just move out.

Some people say that marriage is just a piece of paper. If if it's just a piece of paper, why can't you just get it, huh? I say - excuses of commitment phobics.

Another problem I have with moving in together is how do you move on to marriage from that? Let's say, you've worked out your problems and have settled in happily. What next? Guys are usually reluctant to propose, especially when they have all they need. No need to go that extra step.

In order for marriage to work, both parties have to go into it with a full plan for living together, and complete consideration of this important life decision. It should not be taken lightly. Both people have to be full committed to it.

I mean, of course the transition would be difficult. Merging lives isn't easy and is a huge change. Much better to go into it with a plan to stay, rather than "will see how it goes".

If you think you might not be able to live with your partner, why move in at all?

From my own experience, I already know that moving in with David will be extremely difficult for me. I mean I honestly don't know how I'd be able to sleep with someone who snores and doesn't see the importance of closing the toilet lid. (All I had to do was go on a holiday with him to find that out.) But am I willing to leave him because of that? Of course not!

When you love a person, and I mean really love them, you would be fine with putting up with many things because in the end, you just want to be with them.