My Grandparents' Quirks

My Grandparents' Quirks

My grandparents crack me up.

When I went to visit them today, somehow we got talking about TV and my grandma asked, "What's with the ad that has a girl turning around and dropping her skirt?" Since my grandparents don't really understand English, I had to explain to them about the Miss Universe incident and that it was no ad.

My grandma then said, "She wasn't even wearing underwear" and my grandpa said that she was. My grandma then waved her hand and said, "Yes, she was wearing some stringy thing. Is that supposed to make people think that she's wearing underwear? Is it just a string at the front as well?".

I couldn't reply because my stomach was hurting from laughing so much. I tried to calm down by telling them that Australia won Miss Universe (because it turned out my grandparents didn't know) and my grandma said, "I didn't see her face but her butt wasn't bad".

Memory Prevents From Enjoyment of Song

Memory Prevents From Enjoyment of Song

Every time I see/hear Thirsty Merc on TV/radio, I can't take their song seriously because all I can think of is when the lead singer made out in front of me at the Maroon 5 concert. And how short he was.

And the song sounds nice (if only a little bit off).

Personal Reminder

Personal Reminder

Starting to talk to Max again was supposed to be something extra to spice up my life, not the ONLY thing to make my life interesting.

MUST NOT get into the old cycle of obsession. Must pretend that everything is the same as it was before I started to talk to him again. So he's just a small part to make things fun, not the ONLY fun thing to be exaggerated and taken out of proportion. NOT the centre of my fun.

Must stop thinking up of endless scenarios involving Max. Actually came up with what I can say to my friends about how I met Max, without lying, and without telling the real truth. God, I can be so manipulative. Although it might not go the way I'd like. I guess I don't really have to think about it just yet, anyway.

TAFE Assignment: Supporting Role Played By My Blog

TAFE Assignment: Supporting Role Played By My Blog

I was checking my blog statistics today and saw that I was linked to what looks like a tafe assignment.

As I read it, I couldn't help but think that my blog was an example of a mundane blog that the author of that page talks about (since the other 3 examples look like very popular blogs (especially dear_raed.blogspot.com, who most bloggers know about).

It also said that "Anonyminity can also reduce the credibility of the writer if they are making comments but not taking responibility" (a spelling mistake in an assignment!) which is a bit hypocritical since I couldn't find anywhere on that site where it said who its author was. (Although if I had to do an assignment that I had to post on the internet, I wouldn't write my name either.)

Not that I'm certain about this, but it's kinda funny if my blog was used as a bad example.

TV

TV

Watched so much TV today in the morning. Probably to make up for how much I haven't watched in the last few weeks.

I taped "Joe Schmoe" and "Playing It Straight" since I'm addicted to reality TV shows. Joe Schmoe is getting quite suspenseful since it's getting close to when the guy finds out that the other contestants are actors. Have a feeling he's going to cry (judging by how he started sobbing when one contestant that he liked got voted off). Seriously, get a grip, it's a TV show!

"Playing It Straight" I just had to watch. The guys that got voted off I thought were gay. I always liked to think that I can read people pretty well so it's a bit disheartening to realise that I can't. The way one guy (that got voted off) said, "Ohmy Gawwd!!" I thought was a sure sign that he was gay, but how wrong I was.

Oh and I saw "The Practice" this week and I'm hooked.

"A Different Visual Experience"

"A Different Visual Experience"

Met up with April and Claudia after uni so we could go and see Missy Higgins for free at the uni bar.

Claudia got Allison a card for her birthday but I refused to sign it. I did decorate it though, because as usual I couldn’t keep away from drawing on everything.

When we got there, the bar was so full that we were only allowed into the courtyard to watch the singer from a screen. April kept commenting how wonderful it was to see the singer’s face framed by poles and hedges and how we wouldn’t have had that visual experience if we just watched her on TV. People around us thought April was serious and kept looking at us strangely.

When Allison came down to the courtyard and saw me, she acted surprised that I didn’t get her email and then started apologising. Hmm, why would you apologise if you didn’t feel you did anything wrong? She kept saying how we should meet up and do something. She sounded pretty genuine, but I don’t know. I was surprised that only about 8 people turned up for her 21st. I expected a lot more. Everyone went to another bar, except April and me. We hung around at uni until Missy Higgins came on (because it turned out to our surprise that the first singer wasn’t actually her with a new haircut). We didn’t really listen but talked about April’s uni adventures with new guys that she’s becoming friends with. That was more entertaining.

I really wanted to get to the actual bar ‘cause I knew Nadine was there with her friends and I really wanted to hang out with her but we weren’t allowed to.

The Third Time

The Third Time

Max called yesterday. We spoke for about an hour on the mobile before my battery went flat. That would’ve been one expensive phone call. When he said he’d be calling (‘cause I told him to warn me) I got all ready and made sure that I would be the first to pick up the normal phone so I wouldn’t have to explain who he was to my Dad (my Mum wasn’t home) but then he goes and calls me on the mobile. Right now, it’s too easy to keep him a secret from my parents (or anyone really).

Really want to tell April about him but I can’t right now. I only will after I meet him (a number of times) so it’s worth it.

Every conversation that I have with him on the phone just gets better and better. The first time was kind of awkward. The second time was 2 hours of small talk. And yesterday he actually acknowledged that we knew each other for 4 years now (which is a long time). And although we generally talked about general topics, he did tell me what happened to the girl that he really liked in America that he used to go on about when we used to chat. So the conversation was much more relaxed than last time. And it was good that we actually talked like friends, rather than acquaintances. He’s just like having a girl friend (only a bit different but in a good way). I love it :)

Children's Innocence

Children's Innocence

I was walking home today in a very good mood. Nothing changed but somehow my perspective has.

Anyway, I saw these 2 little kids picking flowers. The older girl was instructing her brother which ones to pick. As I was walking past them, the little boy asked me if I wanted to smell the flowers. Of course, I said yes. They didn't smell at all but I said that they did. You should've seen the boy's face. He was watching me so intently when I was smelling them and when I smiled and said that they smelled wonderful, his face just dissolved into a humongous grin. It was SO adorable. The girl told me that they were picking flowers for their Mum because the old ones died.

I can just imagine the owners of those flowers going to water them and realising that they've all be ripped out. Hehe.

The Game

The Game

It feels like I'm playing a very strategic game with the Max thing. I'm plotting my every move. I look at all my choices and imagine all possible consequences. And then choose the move that would yield the best outcome.

It seems like he's playing carelessly.

It's my turn now. Instead of replying to my email, he messaged me. I don't really want to message back 'cause I prefer to communicate through email, rather than SMS. More can be said that way. But he seems to want me to message him back. So now I'm not sure if I should tell him that I prefer email or if I should message him back. And if I do, what can I say that would make things go the way I want them to?

I know I know, I have too much spare time to overanalyse the tiniest of details. Actually there are a lot of other things I should be thinking about but I'm a professional procrastinator.

Treasured High School Moments

Treasured High School Moments

I can't believe I'm writing this but I miss high school.

I miss the lazy sunny spring day lunchtimes, sitting in our grassy school courtyard and talking and laughing and being silly. Looking forward to holidays and imagining what our future has in store for us.

And those end of term classes where the teacher doesn't care what we do and conspiring with April about our future movie careers and writing tacky film scripts and hypothesising our Academy Awards winning moment. And finding ridiculous things hilarious and trying to explain what we are laughing about to others.

Exchanging notes with Amelia while sitting right next to each other. Gossiping with Kelly about guys I don't know. Having meaningful conversations on the train with Allison, Jacqui, Kelly and some others.

Getting chatted up by immature guys from other schools and surfies and rolling our eyes at them to each other.

So many little moments that I've forgotten about that used to make me really happy.

I guess after I finish uni, I will also have lots of little memories that would make me miss it and fondly remember it.

TV and More TV

TV and More TV

Yay! Newlyweds is back on again! That show is so fun. And the girl that they had stay with Nick and Jessica is so pretty. She could be an actress.

I'm not putting any pictures of the shows that I'm watching now though 'cause last time I did that, I still get 50 hits a day from people looking for their picture (which is NOT here anymore! Why can't Google update their search engine?!)

Oh, and did I say I watched Joe Schmoe? It can get a bit sleazy but I like the concept. And it can be quite funny.

And Amelie was on last night!!! I love that movie. It's different, witty and sweet.

So finally there's been something to watch on TV. If only they could bring back "Gilmore Girls".

And I saw a bit of Home and Away last week and Noah was dead! What happened? How did he die? It's so weird to watch an episode of a long running soap once every few months and nothing changes much but then all of a sudden old characters die and there are lots of new ones that come out of nowhere. Hmm. I remember I used to watch Home and Away every day when I was 11/12. I think that's the age when most people watched it religiously. Oh and then there's Neighbours. I think after I stopped watching Home and Away, I started watching Neighbours. But then I got sick of it and stopped.

I can't believe some soaps run for so long.

Must Get Distracted

Must Get Distracted

When I started this blog, I told myself that I wouldn't write anything too personal or sentimental, because other people read this. But it's so easy to forget about everyone else because I don't have these people here when I write so it's tempting to get carried away and write everything that's on my mind. Which I have done quite a bit in the past.

By writing the last paragraph, I'm trying to restrain myself from writing something that in my fresher mind (i.e. not the one that I have at almost midnight) I wouldn't want other people to read. Even though it's all I want to talk about.

I'll try to distract myself and write about something else, like a hobby that has resurfaced again. Even since I saw what a paperdoll was, I started drawing and designing clothes for them. So since the age of about 7, I have now hundreds (if not more) clothes designs. And since the dream that I had a week ago about a very original design that I made up (and thankfully remembered when I woke up), fashion design ideas have been constanly springing up in my head.

If only I could actually sew them. My Mum was saying I should take a sewing class so I can learn to make patterns for the clothes that I designed. I'd like to but right now I don't have the money for anything (since it's all going for my trip to America).

I've been meaning to convert my designs into a digital form and make a digital paper doll, but never really got around to it. It's just so much easier drawing on paper.

Ok, that was about a minute of distraction from thinking about Max. I'm trying not to get my hopes up this time about anything but it's a bit hard. Knowing that he doesn't wish me to go away and leave him alone is a nice relief because I didn't expect that. I always expect the worst, which is usually good because things are not always as bad as I think they are.

When I was waiting for my uni entrance results, my Dad said, "Expect the worst, hope for the best". And that really stuck with me.

Mythological Creature

Mythological Creature

I'm a:

Faerie:
Faeries are sweet loving beings who love to help
people. They are not held back by reality and
love to dream and fly around. You probably are
very creative and although not the most popular
person in the world you are probably loved by
many for your sweet caring personality.

What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics) brought to you by Quizilla

Dad's Present

Dad's Present

Just finished my Dad's present for tomorrow's Father's Day. It took 2 1/2 hours to bake this cake that he said he really wanted (he even got me the recipe!). I pretended I wasn't going to do it, of course, but as soon as he and Mum left, I got started. And I'm never doing it again. It took forever. And it wasn't one of those that you can put in the oven for an hour and do something else. This one needed constant attention. He better like it! (But if not, I'll eat it 'cos it looks quite yummy, even though it didn't rise properly but my cakes never seem to.)

I remember last year I was really mad at my Dad (constantly) so didn't get him anything for Father's Day, but then my Mum got angry at me so I don't remember if I did end up giving him something or not.

This year is totally different. My Dad has been really great about everything and it was definitely worth the effort to make that cake.

Craving vs Addiction

Craving vs Addiction

The difference between a craving and an addiction:

Craving: Once you have what you crave, you will be satisfied.
Addiction: Once you have what you're addicted to, you will want more.

So a craving can be satisfied and an addiction can't.

The Secret Exposed

The Secret Exposed

I have a bit of a confession to make. I was going to do it last week but I forgot about it. Must've repressed it from my memory.

I accidentally saw a bit of the Olympic games and I LIKED it. The shame. How will I ever be able to face my Anti-Olympic self again?

My Chronic Disease: Procrastination

My Chronic Disease: Procrastination

I had a choice today between going to uni and wasting time and staying home and getting work done. I chose the latter. After about an hour of trying to figure out what to do and doing about a 100th of what is needed, I got bored (at my extremely slow pace) and decided to waste time instead.

I so hate doing work that takes tons of mechanical processes to be done that take forever. Reminds me of factory work or something. I have to trace a photo of a detailed supermarket. Every shelf, ever box and carton to make it look realistic. There has to be a faster way! And after that I have to add other stuff to the image that I have to make up myself. Just looking at the work makes me want to close the program and hope it will get done by itself. Well, I can wish.

A Little Difference

A Little Difference

Well well well.

Hmm. Max emailed back. I didn't really expect him to (especially so soon). Said he was wondering what I was up to this week and was thinking of emailing but decided not to because it would be 'hypocritical'. I don't really get how. What did he mean?

Anyway, sounds like he wants to talk again. The silly guy gave me his mobile number again as if I didn't have it anymore!

So things should get more interesting now. My life needs something different.

Just yesterday after I wrote the previous entry, I decided that I was going to make my own life fun and not wait for someone else to do it. And today had such a great time hanging out with my uni friends (who I largely underestimated). I think they totally deserve to be put on the same level as my high school friends. They are interesting, fun to be around with and like me the way I am. Hopefully I'll stay in touch with them after uni.

Also noticed that I've been getting along with all sorts of people lately, some who I never talked with before. Either I'm changing or everyone else is.

It's fun days like today that I wish to have more of. They are what make life more meaningful and not feel like a waste.

Oh, and did I say Max thought about me this week? Hehe.

(I really should stop craving guy attention so much. It's unhealthy.)

Spring Reflections

Spring Reflections

It's the first day of spring today. Oh my God. Time seems to be flying faster than ever before. I've wasted all of this year. Didn't do anything worth remembering. Hopefully my trip at the end of the year will make up for it. Less than 3 months to go.

Uni is almost over too. Don't feel like I had that great experience that I expected my time there to be. But can't change it so will not dwell on it. (I have more important things to dwell about.)

When I try to remember what happened this year, all I can think of is my dancing dilemma. I cannot believe nothing more substantial happened. At least last year, there was the Max thing that definitely spiced up things a bit but this year... nothing.

Unexpected Emails

Unexpected Emails

You know when you are expecting a certain email and you get excited that your mail account's front page says that you got a new one and then you open it and it's something boring?

And I'm not talking about Max's reply.

I met up with Claudia today and she asked me if I was going to Allison's birthday party next week. I had to say no because I knew nothing about it. When Claudia said that she got the email invite yesterday, I was a bit relieved because I didn't check my mail last night. I mean surely if Claudia (who wasn't even really friends with Allison) was invited, then I definitely would be.

So tonight when I was checking my email and the front page said that I had 1 new one, I thought that if it wasn't from Max, it would definitely be from Allison. So when I opened my inbox, there were 2 new emails. Both from neither of them. I was quite disappointed. I wasn't really expecting such a quick reply from Max but Allison! How could she not invite me when she invited Claudia? It just seems so very strange.

I'm actually more confused than hurt. I mean, Allison and I haven't talked for 2 years so it's not really a surprise that I wasn't invited. I was more surprised why Claudia (who she hasn't talked with for even longer) was. Oh well.

Anyway, Claud and I had a great time. She'll be going overseas as well at the same time as me. She's very excited which I can totally understand.

Too bad, we couldn't catch Amelia today who was at a lecture just for the fun of it. Sure! It was probably a guy that was the reason for her attendance to an Economics lecture! Not something most people would go to if they weren't enroled in it. I bet people who were wouldn't even go!

Email to Max

Email to Max

Length: short
Type: casual
Status: sent

Analysing Adam

Analysing Adam

Here's an online conversation that I had with April yesterday where we talked like boy-crazy 13 year olds and unintentionally created a whole personality for the main singer of Maroon 5. This is an edited version (I got rid of the unnecessary 'lol's and 'hehe's along with some other stuff so it'll be more interesting for you to read).

April: i watched 'harder to breathe' as well. And shock horror, it doesn't have him making out with some girl
me: ok, i found out his name and i'm going to call him adam from now on
A: oh adam huh?
m: yes, adam
A: i don't know any adams so that'll be fine
m: what a nice name
but i think all hot guys have nice names
A: i don't think he's a nice guy though
m: why not?
A: a little obsessed with sex wouldn't u say?
Although he's a guy so i guess that's to be expected
m: i think it's just that he's not very confident so he thinks that the only way he can sell records is if he used his sexuality :P
A: lol! u've twisted things around very nicely in ur mind there!
m: i have :)
A: and most of their songs relate to sex in some way
m: at least it's not as obvious as JC's (from nsync) new song
A: don't know it
m: well, he has to express himself in some way and singing is his outlet
A: yeah i'd prefer if he weren't so obsessed but u can't have everything i suppose
m: i think i'd be able to tolerate it, especially if he could sing so well and be so hot
A: i like the melodies, and since i've seen worse video clips, i can forgive him for now
m: yeah, i think their tunes are very original cos they're a mix of different genres
A: yeah that's what i thought when i heard 'this love' actually
m: i love that melody
A: and of course he looks very hot in the clip
m: yes, he does but i try not to be biased
A: lol
m: 'if u only knew' is soooo sweet
A: i like 'must get out' although i don't know if i said that already
m: don't remember
but i love it too
i love everything
A: "i've had you so many times but somehow i want more"
i don't like that line
m: hehe. it's not that bad. i've heard worse
A: well of course, but still...
m: there's "Your just innocent
A helpless victim of a spider's web
And I'm an insect
Goin after anything that I can get"
i think that's worse, but it also depends on how u interpret it
A: really i think the other one's worse
although i see what u mean
m: i think the other could be about him being SOO in love with the girl that he can't get enough
A: yeah the first one's okay if the girl wants to sleep with him too
otherwise it's a bit iffy
m: what makes u think she doesn't?
A: i don't know
all i can say is poor jane
m: did u hear 'secret'?
A: yup
m: i didn't even realise what it was about at first
i thought it was a nice driving song
A: i thought that about sunday morning :)
m: but sunday morning doesn't have any secret meaning
that i've noticed....
A: omg, i just read the lyrics to 'secret'. i totally missed that before too
m: lol
now u know
A: i see what u mean now
he's more obsessed with sex than i first thought!
m: but he tried to hide it
A: i don't think Australia will ever show the clip for that (if it's released)
m: i can just imagine it being about them making out in a car
A: it'd be like 'oh turn down the air con, i have beads of sweat'
m: i can imagine him overlooking the auditions
A: so can i! he probably got in a band just to sleep with models! the music is a happy coincidence...
m: he's just lucky he can write music
A: well i'm sure it comes easily :P
a subject so close to his heart
oh and do u see a pattern?
more girls in every succeeding video clip...
m: but do u find it that it's easier to accept a hot guy who writes good melodies obsess about it, rather than a not attractive guy
A: i don't know, which not hot guys have done that?
m: JC
no offense to him
A: lol
i wonder how many girls have dumped adam? (despite his hotness)
or maybe it was just one, 'jane'
m: they couldn't keep up :P
A: he's obviously suffered in some relationship
m: maybe since jane is such a plain name, he used it to call all his ex gfs
A: all the ones that used him for sex? :P
i'm sorry, i'm so mean to poor adam
m: so r u saying he had all those gfs that just wanted sex and this is his way to assert his masculinity?
A: well i'm confused, cos some songs are about how he wants to sleep with some woman, where as others are about how his sex wasn't good enough
m: like which ones?
no wonder he's hurting 2 girls in "she will be loved"
A: hold on, i'll find the one i was thinking of
m: "The rhythm of her conversation
The perfection of her creation
The sex she slipped into my coffee
The way she felt when she first saw me
Hate to love and love to hate her"
obviously a girl has used him
A: oh that was one!
m: seduced him and dropped him
A: but theres' something else
m: hmm, i see his lack of power now in "if u only knew"
even though it's under a disguise of a sweet song
"I wake up
Thoughts of you
Tattooed to my mind
As I wonder
What to wear
What to eat
Who to be
Will I see you again"
obsessed much?
he even cares about what he eats!
A: shiver's a bit like that too
'you chew me up and spit me out'
omg, i can't find it, but there was one where he said something about he tried, but it wasn't good enough
m: "Immobilized by the thought of you
Paralyzed by the sight of you
Hypnotized by the words you say
Not true but I believe anyway"
A: hehe poor old adam
m: very strong lyrics there
A: what have these women done to him?
have i changed ur view of their lyrics now?
m: yes, i never analysed them so much
A: "And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all"
he's such a girl! waiting for phone calls
m: and so he has to try to make up for his insecurity by songs like tangled
A: his whole life chronicled in songs
m: i know
i love when singers sing about personal things
A: although in this case, too much info i think
m: no, it isn't, let poor adam get it out the only way he knows how
A: i think that he wasn't famous enough (or brave enough) to get models in harder to breathe
hehe
m: u r probably right
A: but after that he thought, better go all the way and have a sex scene in this love
m: but at least he showed that he's not just some hot object, he is a real person too with feelings
A: lol
he's just a big teddy bear isn't he?
i have this vision of him sitting there crying and writing these songs
m: and then he thought "well the best thing about the clip was the girl, better have 2 this time.
i can imagine him a bit schizo so one moment he's crying about his gf that he wasn't good enough for in bed, and then trying to make up for it by writing something about using innocent girls
A: 'next time it's gonna be threesome and then we'll see who's laughing'
m: and did u notice anything else?
A: what?
m: the other band members weren't even there in the latest clip
A: they were in some scenes
but all they do is play instruments
m: he's probably having "i'm the main singer" complex
A: he's probably thinking 'i don't want the girls to leave me for other guys like before i was famous'
m: hehe
A: oh adam...so troubled
m: which makes me love him even more
A: i still can't get over his schizophrenia
m: me neither
A: it's like 'oh i'm such a loser...no i'm not! i rule!'
m: lol!!!
A: 'i can get any girl i want...but what if she leaves me?'
m: "she can be such a slut............but so can i!"
A: can u imagine him being really innocent and wanting to settle down with a family before he was ruined?
m: he can be one of those tragic singers who can't get a wife and drinks and writes sad songs or angry ones
A: i can imagine him with a bottle of whiskey, tears streaming down his face in a dark motel room writing lyrics
that's probably when he wrote 'through with you'
m: did u read the lyrics for 'Myself'?
A: wow he's in such denial, at one point it's like 'oh i need you so bad' and then it's 'i feel fine'
m: i know!! i can so relate
A: poor poor adam
it's all a front
m: don't u feel like u already know him?

Reminders of High School

Reminders of High School

I saw Kelly today at uni who told me that she saw Nadine (who she only met once at my 12th birthday party). Nadine, of course, didn’t recognise her. When she mentioned that party, I realised how long ago that was and was reminded of my high school years.

I didn’t only hang out with April, Amelia, Christine and Claudia. I had another group of friends (from year 7, way before I even knew those four). Kelly and I weren’t close but we talked a lot. I had some of the best conversations with her and today I realised how much I actually missed them now. How much I missed gossiping with Kelly and how much I missed hanging out with Allison. There were so many people I talked to that I don’t even see anymore. I never really cared until today because it’s not like were such close friends that I could tell them anything, but we had some really fun times. That other group of friends was a LOT more outgoing and I miss that. I guess the reason I don’t really keep in touch with them is because I never felt like I totally fitted in with them, the way I fit in with April, Amelia, Claudia and Christine.

Puzzling Video Clip

Puzzling Video Clip

Has anyone seen Maroon 5's video clip for "She Will Be Loved"? If you have, do you know what it's supposed to be about? Why does the main singer make out with 2 girls? Which one is the one he's supposed to love? I really like the song but I just don't get what the video clip is about. Can anyone explain?

I don't usually think about video clips but this one has been quite a puzzle.

(And the main singer is hot, but that's beside the point.)

Too Much Free Time For My Mind

Too Much Free Time For My Mind

As I think I've mentioned, I wrote Max an email a while ago but didn't send it. Since then it's been edited more times than I'd like to count. I was waiting until the time I'd really want to send it. I thought today was that time. I opened my email account but then all of a sudden, I got this feeling in my stomach that I just couldn't do it. Didn't want to do it. He didn't deserve it. And neither did I. Why bring up stuff that is best left behind. This is like grasping for straws that are not even there.

As soon as I decided that today wasn't the day and closed my email account, the urge to send it came back again. What have I got to lose.

If I'm going to romanticise about my new notion of being a free spirit and doing whatever I want without thinking too much about the future, this won't hurt, right?

Or is this just sinking too desperately low?

I guess I'm putting off emailing him 'cause I want him to email me. Like last time.

If I don't send it to him, nothing will change, but if I do, at least I have a chance of maybe something interesting happening.

I still can't decide whether I should write him a short casual email or a longer one that's more honest about how I feel about the whole situation. What would get his attention? What would generate the best outcome?

Those are the questions that I can't make up my mind about.

Want of Guy Attention Causes Selective Amnesia

Want of Guy Attention Causes Selective Amnesia

Fabian said something that made me feel quite special (not that he meant it or anything but still). And I completely forgot all the annoying things he did that made me want to stay as far as possible from him. So I went through the archives to remind myself.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Ok, now that I remembered, I'd rather forget all about him.

Going Out With Nadine

Going Out With Nadine

It was Nadine's birthday yesterday so I got a message from her today about going out tomorrow night. Don't think I will because:
1. I didn't get her a present since I didn't think I'd be seeing her.
2. Don't really want to get stalked by weirdos that she attracts when she's drunk and singing on top of her lungs at 3am in the morning. (Refer to this entry.)

It could be fun and all but I don't know...

Invasion of Privacy

Invasion of Privacy

I had the WORST nightmare today!!!

My parents read all my diaries, including this one and basically read everything in my computer folders and found out about Max!! And they weren't even sorry. And all I could remember was April telling me how she puts passwords on everything 'cause her parents would read her stuff otherwise and I was telling her that not only do my parents don't have the time to do that but they respect my privacy (especially my Dad).

I felt totally embarrassed and was the most frustrated and angry with my parents that I've ever been. It was a horrible feeling. I was so glad to wake up!

Life Romance

Life Romance

I'm sooooo happy. And for absolutely no reason at all. If anything, I shouldn't be in a good mood. I had a toothache for all of the weekend and had to go to the dentist who told me I have two wisdom teeth growing (which will be painful for a quite a while) and I had to get a filling. Due to this toothache, I didn't do any uni work.

I think it's the warm weather. Even though I'm a big fan of winter, the feeling of spring always warms me up. Or it could be the haircut that I got. It makes me look so good that at one point I thought, "Ha ha! to all the guys who are not going out with me" which I admit is pretty vain and childish but it felt good.

And after reading 'Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination', I've realised that I've been romanticising the notion of getting married and having kids young too much which made me so upset that I didn't have that. Now I found a better notion to romanticise about - being a free spirit and enjoying different adventures in life that I wouldn't be able to enjoy if I was married with kids. Like travelling. And being only responsible for myself. This is somthing that I can accomplish and can still think as my life not being wasted.

I'm not saying that I will never whine about not having a boyfriend again, but hopefully I'll remind myself of how I feel today and get over my obsession quicker.

Olivia Joules's Rules For Living

Olivia Joules's Rules For Living

"Never panic. Stop, breathe, think."

Ok, I can totally agree with this one.

"No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you."

That's a nice thought but not always true because I think about other people all the time and if they do something embarrassing or stupid and think that everyone has forgotten about it, they can be sure that I, most likely, haven't.

"Never change haircut or colour before an important event."

Doesn't apply to me because I like my hair colour and never want to change it. And it's very hard to go wrong when getting a straight hair trim.

"Nothing is either as bad or as good as it seems."

I thought about this one for a quite a while because that seemed like an interesting observation on life. But then I thought of the September 11 attacks and those people stuck in those buildings. And it really was as bad as it seemed. If not worse. Therefore this rule is not practical.

"Do as you would be done by, e.g., thou shalt not kill."

Well, duh!

"It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like"

What is even better is to buy lots of cheap things that you really like. Of course, not in one go (because that's quite impossible).

"Hardly anything matters: if you get upset, ask yourself, "Does it really matter?"

Does it really matter that I will never get married and never find my perfect job? (I guess not in the long run of human civilisation.)

"The key to success is how you pick yourself up from failure."

The only thing I remember failing was my year 11 half yearly Maths test. I came in the top 6% of my state for uni entrance Maths exam. But then there's my failure of finding my RG and I haven't picked myself up from that...

"Be honest and kind".

I try. Although honesty is not always the best thing in some circumstances. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself.

"Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance".

Interesting thought, although that would limit my choice of clothes.

"Trust your instincts, not your imagination."

That's a very blurred line for me.

"When overwhelmed by disaster, check if it's really a disaster by doing the following:
a) think, "Oh, fuck it,"
b) look on the bright side and, if that doesn't work, look on the funny side.
If neither of the above works then maybe it is a disaster so turn to items 1 and 5.

If I can't think of a bright or funny side to me not having a boyfriend, does that mean it's a disaster? Although.... April and I used to laugh about it quite often...

"Don't expect the world to be safe or life to be fair."

I don't.

"Sometimes you have to go with the flow."

This can either lead to adventure or disappointment.

"Don't regret anything. Remember there wasn't anything else that culd have happened, given who you were and the state of the world at that moment. The only thing you can change is the present, so learn from the past."

Very wise. Although that's an insinuation that everyone has a fate and you can't do anything to change your destiny. And that's quite depressing (unless I get happily married with a great job and lovely kids very soon, in which case, fate can continue doing its job).

Are there any rules you live by?

Popularity and Attraction

Popularity and Attraction

There is the type of people who want to go out with the hot popular guy/girl and then there’s someone like me who goes for the underdog. I’d much rather go out with a guy who no one wants. I want to be the only one who would see how special that person is.

April once said, “Wouldn’t it be great if he could go out with any girl but he chooses you?” and I had to disagree. I don’t want to feel lucky to be ‘chosen’. It seems kinda demeaning to me.

BA

BA

My name is Sky and I'm a bookaholic.

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem so here I am publicly doing so.

I'm not exactly sure when it started. There is a high possibility that I was born with this addiction.

I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I used to be quite proud of it. The fact that my parents used to tell me to stop reading so much should've raised alarm bells that not all was right. (I mean how many parents tell their kids to read less? My point exactly.)

So what changed? What was the breaking point that made me realise this love of books wasn't healthy? What brought me here to the Bookaholic (not so) Anonymous?

Well... today after uni, I decided to go to the library and get some new books to read. I browsed all the shelves grabbing ones that had an appealing cover, interesting blurb and engaging first few paragraphs. Slowly the books piled up so that they started to dig into my arm. But did that make me stop and head for the checkout? Of course it didn't. I wasn't leaving until I looked at every shelf that appealed to me (thankfully, today most of the reference/non-fiction weren't included in that).

So while I'm perusing every book, some man comes up to me and just stands there looking at me. So I turned to see what he wanted. This man smiled and asked, "Are you Andrew's sister?" so I said, "No". Who the hell was Andrew? And then I thought, "It's pretty cool that I'm mistaken for someone else. That never happens 'cause everyone seems to remember me". And he looked perplexed and asked, "Are you sure?" and then it dawned on me. I have a brother; his name is Andrew. I could not believe that I forgotten that 'cause I was so involved in my search for books.

So then I said very embarrassed, "Oh yeah! Sorry, I wasn't thinking." He smiled and I was totally racking my brain who this man could be. One of my brother's teachers? His friend's parent? Then I said in a stuttering manner, "Sorry... I don't... I don't recogise you... Who... who are... who are you?" and he wouldn't answer, he was just smiling which started to annoy me. And then he said, "I saw you when you walked in and you looked very familiar." And then it kinda freaked me out because at that point I was at the library for almost 2 hours. I didn't like the idea that he saw me here for that long and didn't say anything. It was kinda stalkerish in a way.

When he said, "I forgot your name." I remembered who he was. He was my (and my brother's) driving instructor! After I realised this, he asked me how I was doing and I asked him if he was still teaching people to drive. He said yes and then I hoped he would go because I had nothing else to say to him. He read my mind and said that he had to leave. So I said bye and decided to leave too but since he was waiting to get his books checked-out and I didn't want to wait with him, I went and got myself some more books. I literally had to tell myself to put one of the books down and slowly step away before anyone (me, specifically) got hurt. My arm was already aching.

So after I got my books checked out, I had to rearrange the contents of my uni bag so they would all fit. Isn't an addiction something that you have to rearrange your life around? And my uni bag was definitely a part of my life. And a quite useful one at that.

Hopefully, my 'coming out' will encourage others to seek help and join BA. Bookaholics (also referred to as 'nerds' by the Bookhaters Association) are everywhere so know that you're not alone. Even the government recognises us and gets tax payers money to support our addiction by building book institutions, also known as libraries. As an individual, we are just someone with not enough books, but together we are...

I don't know how to finish that sentence so I'm just going to go and read my newly borrowed books.

The Beginning of My Career

The Beginning of My Career

Yesterday I saw my first professional work in print. I was too excited for words. The logo that I've done for my parents' friends' business was printed on their business cards and given out to LOTS of people (including an Australian Ambassador). I know it's just a business card to everyone but to me that was the first record of my future career. And the logo looks pretty cool, even if I do say so myself. I just wish I could redesign the actual card...

Browser Differences

Browser Differences

For some weird reason I can’t post comments from Internet Explorer so I tried Netscape. My blog looks so different in it, I was quite surprised. The text looks smaller and some entries have different font. I wonder how it looks in other browsers…

Baby Love

Baby Love

Today Olivia came over with Allie (my one year old cousin). I, of course, had to look after her while Olivia talked with my Mum.

As all my relatives know, I’m the unofficial family baby-sitter. My brother used to help out before he had to study. (He's really great with kids.) I don’t mind though, I love playing with her. She’s very calm, unlike my other cousin (Jenna).

It was amazing how much throwing a pillow accompanied by a gurgly noise made her laugh. I love seeing babies laugh, it’s the most adorable thing. And after I told her not to throw toys at people because it hurt, she would take a toy, pretend to throw it at herself and shake her head, saying “No”. It was sooo cute.

Oh, and I also taught her the colours white, red and blue. I thought she was a bit too young for that since she can’t even talk but she actually learnt the difference. She was also trying to say stuff but it was all a mass of gibberish but it was cute watching her try to tell me some story.

Nostalgia

Nostalgia

Am I the only one who couldn't care less about Olympics? Sport seems to be a national obsession here in Australia. I have other more interesting things to obsess about. And no, I'm not talking about guys. Yes, really I'm not.

I have a new obsession. It's called cooking. Cooking dessert specifically. And to be even more specific, POBian dessert. I've recently realised how much I love POBian food so I've been browsing POBian cookbooks and recipe sites. The thing I love most about POBian recipes is how I don't have to go and buy any special ingredients. POBian dishes use very basic ingredients so it's easy to make something without going shopping.

It's kinda therapeutic because it takes my mind off things and my family isn't complaining. So it all works out.

I've been feeling a bit nostalgic about POB lately. It's not that I want to go back but I have some affinity to the country. Apparently, Elaine (who's back there now) loved her time in Australia so much that she wants to come back soon. When she was here, I got the feeling that she wanted to go back. I hope I made a contribution to her enjoyable stay when I took her out with my friends.
The last few POBian people that I met I felt like I could connect with them a lot sooner than with other people. Although I didn't really believe this when I was younger but having a similar background with another person makes me feel closer to them. With POBian people, the best side of me comes out. I feel like I totally belong. Even with my closest friends I feel like something's missing. I can't put my finger on it but it just feels that not everything is right. It's hard to explain. I don't have the COMPLETE content feeling. Even though it does feel complete, I know it isn't in comparison to how I feel with POBian people.

I haven't felt like this since I was about 13 and started to miss it. Then my family went there for a holiday and I stopped missing it. And now, that feeling is coming back again.

Chat With Fabian

Chat With Fabian

Does anyone remember Fabian? Well, had a chat with him today. He came to Lauren and me and asked us what we were talking about. So I sarcastically said “You” because what else could we possibly have to talk about. I started getting worried when he started asking us if we missed him but the conversation somehow got back to boring uni stuff so it was ok.

Influences

Influences

I'm so influenced by people, it's getting annoying. Like take, for instance, when we had to write a bit about ourselves. The first thing I did was look at what other people from the previous class wrote and did something very similar. This backfired because my class wrote a completely different thing which made me want to change mine.

Or when writing in shared birthday cards. I always take a little from what is already written and combine them into my message.

It's weird that I get so influenced by little things but will not budge with bigger things that I feel strongly about (eg. no amount of peer pressure will convince me to smoke/do drugs/ believe in God).

Some Pondering

Some Pondering

Finally, I can write an entry that's not rushed like the few previous ones. Now I have time to ponder the deep things in life. Like, what makes someone a good blog writer?

Is it the ability to articulate oneself in interesting ways? A personality? To come up with intelligent and thought provoking ideas? An acute observation of life?

It's probably all of those (and maybe more - there's a limit to how many rhetorical questions I can ask right now).

What brought on this thought? (Oops, I guess I can write more after all.) We've had an interesting discussion of blogs in one of my tutorials today. I was surprised at how many people read them. It's weird to think that someone in my class might've come across this. Don't want to go on a tangent here but I will 'cause I have to mention that a while ago I met a person who read my blog at one point. That person didn't know that I was the author of this blog but I knew that they read it. It's weird to think that I might've also spoken to someone who has a blog and didn't even know it.

Anyway, back to the tutorial discussion. People were saying how polluted the internet was with boring blogs. I don't know why but I took some offence to that as if the person was talking about my blog. Although I do agree that the internet has a lot of rubbish but I really don't think that blogs contribute to that. If you don't like reading a blog, then don't read it. It's that simple. And bloggers usually have some personal attachment to their blogs because it's a record of their thoughts/lives/feelings so saying that someone's thoughts/feelings are polluting the internet is a bit harsh.

I think blogging is a great way to let everyone (who has access to the internet) speak out their opinions and views and reach such a wide audience. And it's also great (really can't think of relevant synonyms to this adjective) to be able to read ordinary people's thoughts on life and other topics. The anonymity of the internet allows people to share their inner-most feelings with us, an opportunity that otherwise we would never have had.

Ok, enough pondering from me. What do you think?

Unexpected Reunions

Unexpected Reunions

I bumped into a lot of people that I haven't seen in ages. Well, they bumped into me 'cause I was walking completely oblivious to anything going on around me.

The first bumpee was Beth. She was a wearing a cotton pale flower tunic (not unlike the one that Homer wore in the episode where he gained weight in order to work from home). Was a bit shocked to see her in it, since her style was always sporty. We hugged, asked how the other one was and left. It was weird.

In my class, there was Silvia (which I knew from last week but I forgot to write about it). Silvia seems to have changed from our high school years. Even though she still has her unique wit, she seems a lot more easy-going and social.

After the class I went to the library to research and had the nicest time. I'm being serious here. This was the first time of my uni life where I had to write a proper essay that involved proper library research. Yes, it's true. I felt like I was truly a part of uni life now. There I saw Kirsten. We didn't really talk.

After 2 hours of library research, I went home. At the train station, while I was sitting on the bench waiting for my train, someone came up to my bench and sat very close to me. I turned my head to see Fran. She's a friend of the girl who got married and had a baby last week. We had a nice chat about how you don't need a uni degree to be happy. And finally someone agrees with me about having kids in early 20s. Fran told me how happy her married friend was. And I felt like crying. How much I wish to be in that girl's shoes (but with a uni education 'cause to me it's important).

Award Ceremony. Guilt. The Grumpy Period.

Award Ceremony. Guilt. The Grumpy Period.

I went to April's house yesterday. Going clubbing with Claudia didn't work out. Long story (which involves Christine being sneaky). Claudia got upset that I wasn't coming because she didn't want to go just with Christine and her friends. Knew exactly how she felt and therefore felt extremely guilty for canceling on her. Promised to go with her next week.

April and I pretended to have an awards ceremony, giving out stupid awards such as "The Most Trivial Conversation With A Guy That We Made A Big Deal Out Of" and we pretended to be different famous (and not famous) personalities. It was a lot of childish fun. We both felt drunk and couldn't stop laughing.

If only she preferred to go out and actually engage in the world than living in her thoughts, then we could have even more fun. She's a fun person to be around with when there aren't people we don't know. If only she was just as fun to go out with. Oh well, everyone's different. Like, Andy would say, "She can't help it, it's just her personality".

Speaking of Andrew, I haven't spoken properly with him for ages. I got mad at him because he made me late for work and blamed it on the traffic. But then my Mum told me that it was because he changed his music lesson. So I got annoyed that he didn't tell me and 'cause he changed it in the first place and made me 20 minutes late twice in a row.

So he got mad at me for being mad at him. Which is stupid. After I got over this, I tried to talk to him but he was always being grumpy. I think it's because it's his final year of high school and he has to study for exams. I remember being grumpy then too and snapping at everyone. So I just leave him alone now. I'm sure it'll blow over soon.

Lecturer Encourages Leaving Things Till The Last Minute

Lecturer Encourages Leaving Things Till The Last Minute

Today, I had a strong urge to organise everything. My room, my uni work... (I feel like I should add more to this list, but if I do, it'd be lies).

I planned what I should do and when, in order to finish all my assignments not only on time, but early. At first I expected this motivation to last until I would actually have to do the work. Sure, writing the timetable might be fun, but sticking to it is another matter.

However, today I've actually done everything that I wanted to and it felt great to have an assignment finished, a number of days before it's due.

But then I get an email from a girl from my class, quoting the lecturer's reply to her question and he basically changed the assignment. Not totally, but enough to make me feel like I should redo it.

So I wasted all of today doing something that wasn't how he wanted it. That is so frustraing. I feel like leaving it the way it is by making plausible reasons how what I did still fits what he said. He said he 'preferred' not to have people do it the way I did it, and we all know when a lecturer says the word 'prefer', everyone would do it that way.

Venting

Venting

It's funny how when I write something about me not having a boyfriend, I get more comments than usual. It better not be out of pity!

You know how when you talk to someone constantly, some things about that person start to irritate you? Well, yesterday I started to get a bit irritated at April. I started to feel that she pulled me down. Not as in "putting me down" but making me feel as if going out and meeting new people was pointless. That started to irk me because I really like meeting new people and going out, and I don't think it's pointless at all. Sure, I also sometimes like to stay in and just hang out with people that I already know but it's nice to have some change in my environment. And it was her attitude that started to annoy me. It's like she doesn't want to even try to have a good time. And that's what I think got to me the most.

Had a really good conversation with Lauren and Sally today. It was a nice change to my conversation with April yesterday. It turned out that Sally met her boyfriend in a chatroom. Deep inside, I suspected it because she is so quiet and I just could never imagine how she could meet her boyfriend in other circumstances. She's quite interesting to talk to though. And funny. I find it very easy to become friends with people who seem very quiet at first but have strong personalities.

When she told me how she met her boyfriend, I reacted in exactly the way that I would hate people to react if I told them that I met my boyfriend on the net. Lauren didn't even bat an eyelash which I thought was pretty cool. Meeting people online doesn't seem as taboo as I think it is. If I met Max when I was 16/17, I would've probably had a boyfriend by now. Oh well.

April's and My New Blog

April's and My New Blog

April and I started an online journal about our guy problems. Don't bother looking for it 'cause it's private and you won't be able to see it. We decided that we might make it public later, to see if there was anyone else like us (which I know there aren't, judging by this blog).

It's fun to have it though and that's all that matters. And the comments become like our online conversations. There was already about 10 comments for one entry and there's only two of us reading it. That's more than I get for this blog.

I guess there'll be less complaining about not having a boyfriend in this blog then.

Free and Good

Free and Good

I love free stuff, especially (mostly, actually) if it's good quality free stuff. And with the internet, there's been an increase in this.

Free useful and current information, free music downloads, free games and today I found more good quality free sheet music. ABC Music has the newest  popular original sheet music. My printer hasn't been as busy as today for a long time!

Googled

Googled

Lateley, I've been getting a LOT of visitors referred from google who searched for a picture that used to be in my blog. Does anyone know why google seems to find that picture on my site when it's not there anymore?

Uni Life

Uni Life

I can’t believe this is my last year of uni. It’s kinda sad. My course is very short so I’ll be finishing before my 21st birthday. I’ll really miss it, even though I expected it to be A LOT better (i.e. get a boyfriend and make close guy friends).

I finished early today so we (uni friends) all went out for lunch. I had some nice chats with the girls and lots of eye rolling at the guys’ immaturity which really was beyond any reasonable behaviour.

Justin (unlike other guys) was having a very deep conversation about politics and other adult dinner conversation topics which was totally on the other side of the scale of reasonable young adult behaviour. I have nothing against intelligent conversations but what he was saying was way too heavy for this occasion. Why can’t there be a guy who has the right balance between immaturity and depth?

Talked to a girl who hangs out with the ‘cool’ people about holidays and was surprised that she said that she didn’t leave her house for a week. I always thought she was the type of person to go out and party every night since that’s the type of people she is friends with. Sometimes people surprise me.

I noticed that Sally always wants me to come if everyone goes somewhere. It’s weird that I don’t find that clingy when I used to feel very uncomfortable when Amy did that.

Going Out With Adam Brody

Going Out With Adam Brody

Yesterday night I dreamt that I went out with Adam Brody. Throughout the whole dream I kept thinking, “Please, let this not be a dream, PLEASE let this not be a dream! This is so realistic it cannot POSSIBLY be a dream.” But of course, it was.

Told April about it when I saw her in the morning. She got upset that she didn’t have that dream since she likes him A LOT more than I do.

The Earth, My Butt and Other Big Round Things

The Earth, My Butt and Other Big Round Things

It's been SO long since I read a book in (almost) one go. Ok, I admit it was a teenage fiction book but so what? It was so enjoyable I lost track of time. I was so involved in the story and the main character that I got very sad when it finished. I wish all books were like that.

Tutoring Episodes

Tutoring Episodes

Tutoring can be really entertaining sometimes. Especially when I tutor Aidan (the typical fourteen year old with an attitude).

Episode 1

me: This question just looks difficult but it really isn't.
Aidan: Yes it is
me: If you look at it, you'll see that you can do it
Aidan (gives it a glance): I looked at it and it's too difficult.
me: Well, I guess then you'll have to do it with difficulty.
Aidan: Difficulty! Where are you? I can't do it without you.

Episode 2

Aidan sees a map of South America and starts giggling (which is VERY unusual).

Aidan (giggling): You. Are. Gay.
me: what?!
Aidan: it says here.
me: that says Uruguay. It's a country.
Aidan (can't control his giggles, which is clearly embarrassing him): You. Are. Gay.
me: fine, laugh it out. I'll wait.
Aidan: Ok, I'm fine now.
me: let's do question ten.
Aidan (starts giggling again): Sorry, I'll stop.
Aidan (who clearly can't stop): I want to live there. I'm going to draw a smily face in it.
me: You've already drawn smiley faces in every rectangle on this page.
Aidan: I'll make this a special smiley. I'll draw two here. Oh, this country won't fit two smileys.

I had to control the urge to tell him about Uranus and Phuket. I think that would've been too much for the poor kid.

Another Life

Another Life

I went shopping with Mum today and ran into Kelly (when she was working). She told me that Nora looked like a lollipop now because she is a size 6 now (before she was about 14). Couldn’t imagine her that skinny. Kelly was going to show her to me (since she works at the same place as Kelly) but then remembered that she was at a baby shower for a pregnant girl from my school. I knew the girl was pregnant but I really didn’t want to be reminded of it.

I want to be the married one who’s pregnant (although I’d like to finish uni first). I always wanted to get married at 20 and have my first kid at 21 and the second one at 23. Well, that’s definitely not happening. I so wish I had someone else’s life instead of mine.

My Mum had already met my Dad at my age. I want to be my Mum. Although that would mean I’d have a daughter like myself and I don’t know whether I’d be happy if my daughter was feeling the way I feel now.

When I was at the shops, there was a guy who reminded me of Max. It actually could’ve been him since I didn’t look at the guy’s face properly. Wish I could ask him about it but I won’t.

Late Night Ramble About The Usual

Late Night Ramble About The Usual

I won't be going to the party tomorrow. I didn't even ask Claudia if she will because I thought it would look bad if I decided not to because she won't be. I so wish I could stop caring how everything would 'look' because it may only 'look' like that to me. I want to change but it's so hard.

I'm terrified of ending up alone for the rest of my life which is such a likely prospect. It's not even just 'likely', it's highly probable. And I think I would be able to be more patient to meet RG if it was not for my fear of being an old parent. It's like there's a clock ticking over my head and the time is about to run out.

I know to many people, my thoughts are ridiculous and you might not understand at all what I'm going on about and lately I feel like this blog is not as anonymous as it has been in the beginning which makes me want to hold back more. I don't want to do that because I like being able to share my thoughts with people who don't interfere in my life. I'm not sure what exactly I like about it and therefore can't put it into words and try to explain.

I wrote an email to Max because right now I feel like I have no hope whatsoever in having any relationships with guys and this is like getting blood from a stone (his phrase). I didn't send it though. I decided to hold back and see if I still feel like sending it next week.

I feel like any guy would do now. As long as he's not sleazy, smokes or does drugs. My new criteria. Oh, and older. I don't care about anything else right now. He can be without an education, have a dumb job, I don't care. I just don't. This is how low I've sunk. Yes, very sad. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers. Oh my God, I can't even believe I just wrote that; I don't even talk like that. I'm slowly going insane.

Inner Conflict

Inner Conflict

I'm having an inner conflict with myself again. Tomorrow, one of Christine's friends is having a party and said that she could invite anyone. April told me about this. We were planning on going because it's another great opportunity to meet new people. But it turned out that she won't be able to come. She said to call Christine to get the details.

I don't know if I want to go anymore because there won't be a single person that I'll know apart from Christine. One part of me thinks that that's a wonderful thing but the other side imagines how uncomfortable it will be.

Another problem is getting home. April said that Christine said that this guy's parties end at 4am so that means Christine will be there until then. And I will have to rely on her to get home and as we all know by now Christine is far from reliable. So I might be stranded there the whole night which I wouldn't mind if I knew the guy but I don't.

But I really want (no, need) to meet more people 'cause constant whining about not having a boyfriend and wishing that he would fall from the sky and land at my doorstep isn't helping.

This reminds me of Katie's party, but worse. It's worse because I'm not on best terms with Christine right now so it's almost like going to the party completely alone. If it was at a convenient place, I guess I could leave whenever if I didn't like it but it's not.

On the other hand, this could be SUCH a good opportunity to meet people...

I'm starting to go in circles now.

I should think of this as a logical problem. Ok... here's what I'll do. I'll ask Claudia if she'll be coming and if she is, she could give me a lift to the station and I'll have someone to talk to if I don't like the people there. If she's not, then I won't go and take comfort in the fact that I probably wouldn't meet anyone worth meeting there anyway. I mean, when was the last time I met someone interesting when I went out? Exactly.

Swearing And Live Bands

Swearing And Live Bands

We went to see a band yesterday. They were pretty good. I wasn’t planning on going but then changed my mind. One thing that annoys me is when bands start saying f*** just for the sake of saying it. Actually, it’s anyone who does that annoys me. This reminds me of a scene from “Jessica”:
Jessica and her family are having dinner. She just got told off. Her sister, Meg, gives her a dirty look.
Jessica (under her breath so only Meg can hear): Fuck you.
Meg: Jessica swore at me!
Jessica’s Dad (to Jessica): What did you say?
Jessica (shouting at Meg): I said FUCK YOU!!
Jessica’s Dad (to Meg): That’s not swearing. Swearing is when you don’t mean it. And she meant it.

I love that scene. The point is – I hate swearing. Saying swear words when people don’t mean it, just takes out the strength of their meanings. So if you want to use them when you’re really angry or mad, they don’t have the same effect.

I got beer spilled on my bag, which I guess wasn’t as bad as beer spilling on April’s clothes. There was also a fight behind me causing someone else to almost spill more beer on me.

The guy next to me kept playing air drums. Not sure if it was because he was drunk. The guy in front of me, even though was standing a platform lower than me, was blocking my view and it didn’t help when he kept swaying from side to side so I couldn’t watch the band over from his side. I hate being short in these situations.

There was a cute guy who was so tall I could see him over everyone’s heads. He couldn’t see me. Sometimes I wish that I could stand out from the crowd. But what I wish more is to be able to go to concerts with a boyfriend. What else is new.

I love the atmosphere of listening to good live music, even though it does make me feel depressed about my single life.

Everyone went out tonight for dinner but I can’t afford to pay any more money for eating out. I don’t think I still fully realise how much money I will need for my trip to America.

Missing The Dance Class

Missing The Dance Class

The curse has been broken. After a little hitch (a few actually), I attended a dance class today. I can't believe I'm able to actually write that. There were numerous things (this time) that happened that made me almost miss it but I think my perseverance prevailed.

First thing that made me almost miss it:
I told Claudia to meet me at the wrong time accidentally (or was it...). This resolved when I realised this, I don't know how. I told her the correct time.

Second thing that made me almost miss it:
In the morning, before leaving, I decided to check the card (that had the dance class info) to make sure the times were right and everything. And I realised that the address was different to where I was planning on going. By a few letters. Thank God, I picked up on it. I don't even want to imagine going to the wrong place and finding out that the class was somewhere else.

Third thing that made me almost miss it:
When Claudia and I got there, there was a dance timetable at the entrance and it didn't have our class! I decided to ignore it and go in anyway because the card that I had said that there was a class today and that's what I wanted to believe.
When we got to the reception area, there was NO ONE there. I started to panic a little (well, a lot). Then some girl came out of nowhere and started talking to us. She said she's been to this class before and that it was definitely going to be on, even if no one else comes. We just had to wait for the teacher. The teacher came. No one else did. The girl left which I was glad because I didn't want to be compared to a professional dancer.

So Claudia and I got a private lesson. It was a bit awkward at first because we couldn't hide behind someone and if we made mistakes (which we did), it would be obvious (which it was). But the awkwardness quickly faded once I stopped caring whether I made mistakes or not and started the enjoy it.

The teacher kept getting distracted because he thought he knew me from somewhere and every now and then kept asking me if I was at (or went to) this or that place. I think I might've seen him that time when I went to the dance class that was canceled but I'm not sure.

The actual lesson was great! I absolutely loved it. Dancing always gives me such a high. (And fun exercise doesn't hurt). Claudia said she liked it but didn't want to go again any time soon. I don't really want to go alone if I'm going to be the only student. Maybe I can still find a way to get to the class that's a bit too far for me...

Another First

Another First

This week there's been another first for me. I watched an Australian movie that I actually loved. Never thought that would happen. But it did. "Jessica" was excellent. I really didn't expect to love yet another movie about the outback which had such a typical Austalian storyline.
 
I haven't read the book because after "The Power of One" that still sits on my bookshelf unread after numerous attempts (and which movie I also quite enjoyed), I'm not expecting to be able to get through this novel.

And anyway, I can never read books after watching movies based on them.

Nadine

Nadine
 
As you know, I went to Nadine's house today. It was almost like old times. We talked for hours about everything. She even showed me a story that we wrote when we were younger that she apparently adds to every now and then. It was hilarious. It has such classic one-liners that I wish I could share with you but I can't.
 
She also showed me heaps of stuff that she got from America which was cool, and made me feel as if I'm already there. She got this huge rainbow poncho and said that she would wear it to uni. I asked if she cared if everyone would think it's weird and she said, "People will judge me anyway so I don't care". I really admire that sort of confidence. (I care way too much what everyone thinks of me.) This probably plays a big part in what attracts people to her. She apparently has a whole line of male admirers that she rejected. It's amazing how much people love those who don't care about how they are perceived. This to me is like that bit in Harry Potter when the kids had to relax while they were being strangled by snakes in order to be freed from them.
 
We are now talking on MSN which is new. Maybe it'll make us keep more in touch. I really miss talking with her like we used to.
 
Ever since I became really close friends with April, I keep comparing her to Nadine. Which is stupid because they are two completely different people. April is very conservative and would think hundred times before doing something while Nadine is the most outgoing person you would meet and does everything based on emotion. When I'm with April, I get pulled down to earth or into an imaginary dreamland where reality seems boring in comparison but with Nadine I get dragged into the craziest REAL situations (which always give me such a high).
 
I guess they are friends to my two contradictory personalities. April is friends with the serious introverted part while Nadine is friends with the childish extroverted one.
 
But somehow I always feel closer to Nadine. Even if I don't talk to her for months. I really don't know why.

Current Addictions

Current Addictions

I'm addicted to this and this. And you probably will be too (unless you're not into mixing and matching clothes for celebrities, in which case you probably won't be addicted to the latter one). Only open the mentioned links at your own risk. You've been warned!

Nadine and Me

Nadine and Me

I love it when I find a blog that can really touch me in some way and that hasn't happened for a while. Until I found "Anna and Me". Anna and Marie remind me so much of how Nadine and I used to be. We used to keep notebooks where we wrote each other letters and then exchanged them. We did this all through primary school, high school (when we could only meet up in the holidays) and a bit through uni. Sometimes that would be the first thing that we would do when we met up – we would exchange notebooks and read each other’s letters. Then we developed a code where we would put special symbols around the bits that we would read after the other one would leave. I would read and reread what Nadine wrote because it made me laugh and just feel special in general. She used to do the same. It was like writing in a diary but with someone reading it and giving feedback. A bit like blogging, I guess.

A while ago I was reading the notebooks that I have (we split them in half, almost in a divorce sort of way) and it made me see how much we changed from the curious and over-sensitive preteens, through dreamy Backstreet Boys obsessed teenage years to the beginning of our adulthood. It’s an amazing record of our friendship and something I will always cherish. It’s weird looking back on all the childish promises we made to be friends forever and not having anything getting between us (like boys, for example, which is funny because that’s exactly what made us drift apart).

I feel like I’m on the verge of too much sentimentality so I’ll stop here. I’ll be seeing her tomorrow (after about 4 months of not talking). You will be able to read the full report here tomorrow.

Loving Winter And The Secret Treasure Chest

Loving Winter And The Secret Treasure Chest.
 
Finally, it feels like winter. Freezing cold and just wonderful. I’m not being sarcastic in the slightest. I may be one of the very few people who like cold weather. To be more precise, I like being warm in cold weather. Everything feels cosier and more comforting.
 
It was so windy today that the electricity went out for about 30 minutes and it was already dark. After I realised that the darkness was going to last more than just a couple of minutes (the way it usually does), it quickly hit me how difficult it would’ve been when people lived without electricity (something that I’ve always taken for granted).
 
My eyes had nothing to focus on but shadows which made me want to close them. But since I didn’t want to go to sleep, it felt weird doing that. Then I realised that it was a great excuse not to do anything that put pressure on my eyes (i.e. computer, TV, reading etc.) and I started to enjoy it.
 
My Dad went to my grandparents so my Mum, Andrew and I sat on the couch amongst blankets and cushions and talked. It was great family quality time. I don’t think we all have ever just sat around and talked without being distracted by other things (especially my Mum who always has to do at least two things at once).
 
It was nice to stay home today in such cold weather.
 
Yesterday, I (and April, Claudia and Christine) went out and as usual I didn’t put on enough clothes. It was so cold, I couldn’t stop shaking.
 
We went out for dinner which wasn’t very eventful. Sometimes it’s nice to eat quietly with others without having any awkward silences or very demanding conversations. Yesterday was just that. The only peak of our conversation was Claudia telling us about rejecting a guy (that she met at a dance party) who asked her out. (This is the guy that Christine passed on to her after deciding that she didn’t like him.) The other peak was them teasing me about Ben when Claudia asked me about him after everyone making such a big deal last week when I thought I saw him. Christine was saying how I got a secret boyfriend (since she doesn’t know the exact details). I quite enjoyed that so if anyone ever feels like teasing me about my non-existent boyfriend, they are welcome to do so.
 
After dinner we split up. Christine and Claudia wanted to play video games (something that I can’t stand) so April and I went to some bar that was supposed to have live music. When we got there, we didn’t hear any live music (probably ‘cause it was still a bit early) but what we did find was a guy heaven. We finally found a place that had respectable looking guys OUR AGE and there were SO MANY of them!
 
We stayed at that place for no more than ten minutes (one of which took finding a non-discrete place to wipe our running noses from the freezing cold that we came from, another two checking the place out, two minutes to find a good spot to place ourselves, another two to develop a code for cute guy sightings and two to use the developed code, and one to take a call from Claudia telling us that she was getting picked up and to go and say our good-byes). So we left the bar, promising to come back soon. We waited with Claudia until her brother came and then went home (since Christine had to get up early today and April was getting a lift with her).
 
At least now we know where all the guys our age are hiding on Saturday nights.

Surprise Surprise

Surprise Surprise
 
I won't be going to the dance class that I was planning on going to today. I don't even want to talk about it. The universe is against me.

When April And I Die

When April And I Die

April: I told you, some people just aren't meant to find true love. Some people die alone.

me: if you die before me, I will be with you when you die :P
Did you take the life expectancy test?

April: yes!!!! I was so annoyed!!!!! How dare they ask about our love lives! I had to choose 'non-existent'!!!!

me: I'm glad they had that option. So when will you be dying?

April: 84, what about you?

me: 90, so I guess I'll be at your bedside when you die.

April: so I'll be first

me: and I'll die alone

April: you're right, at least I won't die alone :P
But who knows, maybe in the remaining 6 years, u'll meet a hot guy down at the retirement home

me: lol!!!! A hot 90 year old???

April: oh yeah, of course.

me: unless I get over my "can't date a younger guy" thing

April: yeah u won't care when u r 84 and the only other 'forever single' person has died.

Luck

Luck

Finally some luck came my way! I've got my new timetable and the planned times for the subjects changed but to my advantage so now I get a day off. I'm so happy about that! It should make up for my horrible timetable in the last semester.

Nadine and Amelia

Nadine and Amelia

Guess who called in the morning? Nadine must've read my mind (or my blog) because after telling her that I was planning on calling her tomorrow, she said that she wasn't going to be home then.

We talked for a while. I sensed that not everything was great but she didn't go into it. I wish she could tell me what was on her mind like before. I miss discussing details of our lives. Now we just talk about things on the surface which sucks.

I told her that I wanted to see her American photos and she said that she just wanted to see me. That made me feel a bit rude. I'm going to her house next week. Maybe we can talk properly then. I really want to know what's been going on in her life. Her summary of "Going out. Parties. Guys. Crap." doesn't tell me much.

After talking to her, I went to meet Amelia. We saw "Mean Girls" which I have to say I really enjoyed. Amelia thought it was better than "Shrek 2". I didn't think it was worse. We then walked around looking for a pair of jeans for her and a good photo opportunity for me. I started to carry my camera around with me because I always want to take photos when it's not with me.

Amelia decided to come to a dancing class with me next week ("The Life Expectancy Test" also affected her when it said that we need to get our heart rate up for at least 30 minutes a day). I thought of canceling this Saturday but then realised that if I do, then there might be some reason that next week's dance class won't happen. It'd be funny if I end up going to 2 dancing classes in one week!

Calling Nadine

Calling Nadine

Contemplated on calling Nadine today but didn't. I wonder why I keep putting it off. Maybe I'm waiting for her to call...

Really want to see her photos. Maybe I'll call her on Wednesday. No, not maybe. I will call her on Wednesday. I don't know why calling her seems like such a chore that I 'should' do, rather than 'want' to. Although, I do want to see her photos...

The closer my trip to America, the more I get obsessed about it. I've decided to make a soundtrack of songs that mention places that Lauren and I will be visiting. Can't find a good one for New Orleans (or Louisiana). Does anyone know of any? Actually, if you have any suggestions about good songs that contain lyrics (or are about) the following places - California, LA, New Orleans, Louisiana, Las Vegas, New York, Arizona, Phoenix or anything about USA in general, let me know.

Another Attempt

Another Attempt.

I'm planning on trying to go to a dance class this Saturday (since I have to work then, during the school term). I wonder what will prevent me from going this time...

I would go during the week but they finish too late to walk to the station by myself.

I watched the "Life Expectancy" test yesterday. I'm supposed to live up to 89.7 years. I'm planning on living longer. I've decided to start eating fish and continue not to ride on motorbikes.

When Nothing Is Fun

When Nothing Is Fun.

Today was the epitome of proper holidays.

April woke up me up at 10am. Actually I woke up earlier but I needed an excuse to get out of my warm bed. April's call was as good as any excuse (such as my stomach rumbling for breakfast or wanting to go to the toilet - you know, the usual reasons).

We ended up talking for almost an hour about weekend plans which ended up to be nothing (due to transport problems, time problems, people problems and general inconveniences which I guess would encompass all the previous).

Decided to go to her house to continue the conversation. Postponed big weekend plans for next week. Had a lazy day watching "I Love Lucy" episodes and talking about the usual topic of conversation. We always go through phases where we only talk about one thing. It used to be our TV show, now it's our loveless lives. Somehow I think this topic we'll be discussing for a while.

Visited my grandparents on the way home which was nice. They love hearing about my trip to America and I love talking about it so it works both ways. Andrew was nice enough to pick me up so that was cool.

I love lazy days like that.

High Expectations. Revelations. Future Planning.

High Expectations. Revelations. Future Planning.

Yesterday was a nice day. My holidays just highlighted the fact that I didn't go out much during uni. It's fun to be able to go hang out with my friends almost every day.

Yesterday we (the usual 5) went to see Shrek 2. It wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be. I really enjoyed it although by what people were saying, I was expecting to roll around laughing hysterically. I'm not saying it wasn't funny but I don't know if I was laughing more because everyone else was laughing or because I found it really funny. Andrew told me that he loved the ending so I was eagerly waiting to see what it would be. But I found it very predictable, not like the first movie. I think my expectations were too high and that's always a bad idea.

We had lunch at an Asian restaurant opposite the cinemas. The food was great. The conversation was a bit better. Claudia and Christine went to some dance party on the weekend and some guy that they met sent Claudia the corniest message. April and I offered our translations of what he meant (since we had lots of practice analysing the most insignificant things). I accidentally got Christine to say that the guy actually asked her to dance first and then she sent him to Claudia 'cause she didn't like him. Claudia was a bit surprised at this revelation. Well, it's Christine so April and I expect things like that from her.

Amelia brought up the 'bus guy' who I've actually stopped thinking about but it's sweet that she remembered. Since I don't really tell Christine my trivial guy stories, she got very interested. Didn't really get a chance to explain it. Although kept thinking how unfair it was that I never saw him again.

In the afternoon, Christine left and the rest of us went shopping. Well, Amelia and Claudia actually shopped while April and I sat outside the shops and talked. All we seem to talk about is how we'll be 30 and never have any relationships. Except when we talk about it, we seem to find it extremely funny. We already decided to share therapy costs by going together, since we'll probably need professional help by then.

Caught the train home with April. There was a guy sitting in front of us who looked like BG and got off at BG's stop. But I'm pretty sure it wasn't him.

Talked to April on MSN till late.

Spying. Addiction. Diets. Amelia and Ashalea. Nadine.

Spying. Addiction. Diets. Amelia and Ashalea. Nadine.

Sometimes I get this knot in my stomach for some unconscious reason. Like something's missing (my love life, probably). Everytime this feeling comes over, I feel like babbling in here about nothing in particular.

Random fact: I like to search people I know in the search engine and see what comes up. Must be the nosy side of me. But I prefer to call it curious.

Sometimes I feel like I'm addicted to information. Like I need to satisfy my brain by finding something interesting about the world. Even if it's something that doesn't involve a lot of brain power to understand. Actually that's the type that I like best. Maybe that's why I love reading and watching TV so much. Easy absorption of lots of information (especially the latter).

In other news, I put on extra weight after I went off my diet. This would be understandable if I put back on what I lost but the annoying thing is that I put on more than I had before. This is very frustrating cos my clothes are getting tight. This is the reason why people should never go on bad diets voluntarily. The best way to lose weight permanently is to eat healthy ALL THE TIME, not just for a few weeks or months.

I watched the Big Brother eviction tonight. Was a bit annoyed that Bree went cos she was interesting to watch. Ashalea reminds me so much of Amelia!!! I keep forgetting to write that. She's smart but acts all airy-fairy. They even have a very similar style and look 'a bit' alike. Hey, even their names are similar! (I just realised.)

I'm seeing Amelia and the others in a couple of days. Haven't seen them for a while so miss them a lot.

I should call Nadine and see what she's up to. Still haven't seen her photos from America. It's so weird how we don't talk much anymore. But I won't go into reminescing about old times.

Well, I feel better now that I typed out my flow of thoughts. Blogging is so therapeutic.

The Party

The Party

So I did go to Katie’s party yesterday. I fixed my problem of going there alone by meeting up with Sophia first. Some problems are so easy to resolve – if only everything was that simple.

I won’t say that it was a great party but it was ok. There wasn’t much of an opportunity to mingle because everyone stayed with their friends. That was a bit disappointing. But the most disappointing thing was that there were no guys that I even wanted to mingle with and get to know. I spent most of the night talking with Sophia, Sally and Sam. Sam was on a constant high as usual. He gave me the weirdest compliment that only a design student would give. Don’t want to say it here in case he ever reads it but if you want to know, tell me and I’ll email you. I think I’ll write in my (paper) diary so I won’t forget. Now, why can’t a guy that I like say something like that to me?

Mark was there. I’m not even sure why he came cos he’s not really friends with Katie. He sat in the corner for most of the night, right behind me. I pretended he wasn’t there. I think he pretended the same. If he really wanted, he could’ve come up and talked to me – he was sitting only a chair away. Jack was there too but he was far which was the way I liked it. Fortunately, Fabian didn’t come but Warren decided to take his place and annoy me. He wasn’t that bad though. He’s having a birthday party in a week but I don’t really feel like going. He’s not inviting any of his high school friends so no new people to meet (and that’s the only reason I go to parties :P).

At the end of the night I got into my sad mood of wishing I had a boyfriend because so many people there were with their boyfriends/girlfriends. I also feel that I’m stuck in a particular circle of people that makes it so hard for me to meet a guy that I would like. But I don’t know how to break out of that.

Oops

Oh my God, I just realised that I accidentally posted an entry in my Guide! Oops. Sorry for any confusion!

Booking American Flights Online

Booking American Flights Online

I've been having a 'slight' problem with booking flight tickets online within the U.S. It turns out that all major online booking sites only accept registration from people who live in the U.S. And the very few Australian ones have prices that are double the American ones. And I really don't feel like paying an extra $700.

Not exactly sure what to do about this. Does anyone know of sites which allow to book online from Australia for flights within America and don't cost twice as much?