Dress Shopping

Dress Shopping

Sally and I cut class and went shopping. (Well, the class wasn't really important but I want to sound rebellious, at least once in my life.)

Anyway, I got my dress!!! At first I couldn't find anything but the last place we went to, I found 4 dresses that all looked great. One emerald one looked sooooo good but I didn't get it 'cause I would be too self-conscious to wear it. Times like these I wish I had a boyfriend so I could show how good I looked in the dress and never wear it in public.

Another one was a cute black one but I was against wearing black. I got the one that I was most comfortable in and even though the style wasn't something I really liked, it looked better on me than on the hanger. It also needs alterations 'cause the top part is too big. It wasn't cheap either but it was on sale and I got it 'cause I didn't think I'd find anything better.

When I got home and tried it on again, I liked it a lot more. (It made me look pretty but not stand out.) My Mum says that new clothes always look better at home because there aren't any other new clothes to compare them to.

I really wanted Mum's opinion on what she thought because I can be so indecisive about buying clothes. Sally said that she always needs her Mum's opinions on clothes too. So I'm not the only one who needs her Mum for such things.

Anyway, now I'm happy that I don't have to worry about this anymore.

Isolated By Intelligence

Isolated By Intelligence

I just realised that I have very different opinions to most Australians.

What's with everyone being 'outraged' that Ricki Lee got kicked out of Australian Idol? Who freaking cares. If you didn't vote, then get over it. It's not like anyone will remember her in the future. She may be better than some singers but in the big picture, she's not memorable at all.

Just look at Guy. Did anyone even buy his CD? (Except maybe a few very devoted fans, like some young teenage girls?)

I won't write about my other 'different' opinions 'cause I really can't be bothered reading annoying comments telling me how wrong I am. I just get frustrated at how narrow-minded and media driven most people are.

Times like these I feel like a complete alien here and totally superior and smarter than everyone else. Not a good feeling.

Ballroom

Ballroom

I really need new shoes. My old slides gave me blisters on both of my soles of my feet. I can't walk.

After watching "Dancing With the Stars", April wants to go to dancing lessons. I couldn't be happier of course. Unfortunately almost all ballroom dancing classes are courses that go for about 8 weeks and I have to leave for America in about 5 weeks.

We're going to go to a casual class on the weeked. That is, if April doesn't change her mind and I'm not counting that out.

I'll be going to a dancing class on the weekend anyway, with or without her. But it'd be nice if she came along.

Regarding my allergy/whatever it is, I made an appointment with a homeopath. When I went there and asked the woman if the clinic had helped patients with my problem and she said, "Oh yes, we get all the rejects from the doctors". Well, that's nice to know!

I also went to a small local shop that my grandma told me sold formal dresses and I actually found 2 dresses that were ok. Didn't buy them though 'cause I wanted to check out a few other places. One was black and although it looked a bit boring, it sat well on me and made me look skinnier (which is always a plus). The other was very nice but required cleavage 'cause it had a very low neck. Both would need a strapless bra and they are so uncomfortable.

Guys have it so much easier. All they need is a suit and they're done.

Procrastination Ramble

Procrastination Ramble

I've been listening to the Beach Boys lately and they always put me in a good mood. I feel like dancing around.

I feel like doing anything but my assignments. I can feel this is going to be another one of those whiny entries about not feeling like doing uni work. Sorry.

I watched 4400 yesterday. It was fun. Don't know what else to say about it but I enjoyed it and will be watching the finale tonight.

My window is open now and I can smell the neighbours cooking dinner. It smells sweet and roasty. I'm trying not to eat anything sweet or roasty because I want to slim down. But it's proving to be impossible.

And I've decided that it was time to stop taking anti-histamines for my allergy (or whatever it is) and I'm starting to get the red rash everywhere again and I'm itchy all over. So frustrating.

On the upside, my hair started going wavy again. Must be the warm weather. It's all shiny and wavy like I wanted it to be.

The not eating of wheat didn't help my skin. But it helped me lose some weight (like half a kilo) so I'm going to try and not eat it.

My fitness plan isn't helping much, but I'm going to stick with it for a month because that's when it's supposed to show results.

Why is it so hard to lose 5 kgs? That's all I want. Then I'd look good in all sorts of clothes. And I'd be able to wear any dress to the formal at the end of the year.

I wish I didn't care so much about how I look. And sometimes I don't, which is why I can not care about exercising and eating healthy.

I think if I didn't think I had potential to look better, I wouldn't care.

Australian Politics

Australian Politics

I really didn't want to talk about politics because people just get frustrated but I have to say that I'm so sick of people being completely ignorant.

I'm not saying I'm an expert but I get really irritated when people say stupid things about some single politician as if that politician is the only one responsible for every single decision. Don't people know that things are decided by more than one person.

And I'm tired of people saying how horrible our government is. Go and try living in another country and see how you like it. I know so many people who only dream of living here but can't.

Lots of Australians are just spoilt and take it for granted how lucky we are to live in Australia.

Argh... I'm not going to say anymore.

Wish #76

Wish #76

Max and I meet.

Max: So have there been any guys you were interested in?
me: not really... except one but that was really stupid...
Max: what was it?
me: just met a guy at the bus stop and after only about an hour felt like we connected. Which is ridiculous, really. My friends are sick of me talking about him.
Max: what was his name?
me (embarrassed): I have no idea... All I know is that he lives in [suburb].
Max: Was he tall? Dark hair?
me (surprised): yeah!
Max (smiling): I don't believe this.
me: what?!
Max: my friend, [name], can't stop talking about some girl he met at the bus stop at uni
me (about to have a heart attack): no way!! Ohmigod!
Max: yeah, he won't shut up about it.

Max introduces me to BG and we live happily ever after.

The Way We Are

The Way We Are

Went out with the girls last night. (Not that there was any other alternative but I've always wanted to write that sentence and appear cool and sophisticated.)

We (April, Claud, Ellen and I) had dinner at a sushi place. The sushi train never ceased to entertain me. Oh, the childish joy of watching different dishes flow past. After I memorised all the dishes that were on the train, I moved on to the next childish activity - making silly faces at April's camera phone. April caught on to this fun and we both started taking photos of ourselves posing different emotions. I think we nailed the "I'm a complete idiot" one perfectly.

While April and I were being silly, Claud and Ellen were breaking new records with how many plates they took from the sushi train.

Ellen asked us if we minded if we didn't get paper invitations to her birthday party. April was taken aback when Ellen told us that she wasn't planning on printing them out for all 80 people that she was inviting. And she wasn't going to see us after the invitations get printed and before her party so it would be impossible for her to give them to us. (This is such an Ellen thing to do).

Then out of nowhere some guy came to us and handed Ellen a pack of her printed invitations. Ellen got flustered because she didn't expect to get them yesterday so she gave April and me one to share between the two of us. I let April keep it since she collects them. (Although she did forget to actually take it with her in the end.)

After dinner, Ellen left to do her assignments and Claud, April and I went to watch "The Notebook". It was better than I expected. I thought it was going to be another boring romance (that I only was going to watch because it was too early to go home and there was nothing better on) but it had some very funny moments. There was one bit that wasn't THAT funny but April started giggling which made me giggle which made April laugh even more which got contagious and so we both couldn't stop laughing. I had tears in my eyes because I couldn't stop.

After the movie, April waited with me until my bus came and then we went home. My brother picked me up from the station. We are still not really talking. I gave up trying to make up with him. Although he is being nicer to me. Can't wait till his exams finish so we can go back to how we used to be (i.e. he tells me everything, including all minor details, about what's going on in his life and I do the same).

On Friday when I was asking him something and he was actually standing right in front of me (not doing something else where I can't even see him like he usually is) and I swear he looked older than a few months ago (when we still talked normally). Really hope we totally make up before I go to America because I don't think I'd enjoy my trip as much knowing that Andrew is mad at me. This weird situation between us is like having an extra weight on my shoulders that I can't take off, no matter how hard I try.

I'm still optimistic that this whole thing will blow over.

Guys Of The Year

Guys Of The Year

I decided to go down memory lane and read Ben's emails 'cause April and I were reflecting on all the guys we talked about since we formed our 'club' last year. Can't believe it happened so long ago. Although, it does feel like a while back.

I wonder why Ben stopped emailing... Maybe I shouldn't have asked him how old he was. My stupid ageist ways! I was so sure we would've met up. Maybe he found a girlfriend when he went overseas or something.

Oh who cares, anyway. He was too young.

And then there was Daniel. And Bus Guy. April is sick of me talking about BG (considering it's been about 5 months ago). I only talked to him for an hour and he made the biggest impression out of all the guys I know.

But I guess the oddest thing is that April doesn't know about the most significant guy in my life for the last year. By the rate I'm going, I doubt anyone will ever know about Max.

Max doesn't even deserve such specialness but that's the way things are.

Crunch

Crunch

Is it weird to be addicted to cereal?



I've discovered the yummiest cereal that's VERY healthy - full of fibre, low GI, no preservatives or artificial flavours or colours and totally delicious. I haven't been restricting it to just breakfast. I eat it all the time.

It's especially handy when I'm trying to reduce my intake of wheat and crave carbohydrates.

I've also been following my fitness plan and I feel a lot more energised.

Cool Old Ladies

Cool Old Ladies

The weather is sunny and my cold is almost gone so I feel great.

April and I were chatting last night and after repeating the same conversations we had in the past, we came to a realisation that we talked about every topic under the sun (and shade too), except one:

The weather.

April mentioned the rapid changes from cold to warm and so we were done with that one too.

I pointed out how it's almost like we are two old ladies who've been friends for all their lives and tell each other the same stories over and over again 'cause there's nothing else to talk about.

April: every day we'll tell the same stories
me: maybe we'll have bad memory and won't mind
April: we'll just sit quietly on the porch drinking tea/lemonade/coke whatever
me: do old ladies drink coke?
April: maybe without the gas?
me: I think we should be cool old ladies and drink coke with gas
April: we'll be rebels

Alone Together

Alone Together

Just talked with April for a few hours. I feel so overwhelmed with gratefullness that I've met that girl. Thanks to her, I don't feel like I'm the only one who feels the way I do about things. She's so much like me, it's uncanny. I'm lucky to have someone like her in my life.

I wish I could find a guy to connect so much with. Like April said, even though we are alone, we can be alone together. And that's always better.

Life is never as bad as it seems when you have good friends.

Looking Beautiful

Looking Beautiful

I was just reading over some old entries and it was quite interesting to see how some events turned out. And about the first time I mentioned Max, when I thought I'd never talk to him again and look where I am now. (Yeah, not very far, I know. But I didn't even expect to get here at all.)

In other news, I made myself a fitness plan and stuck it up in my room. Hopefully I'll be able to stick to it. And I've read that grains and refined sugars helped someone get rid of acne in a week so I'm going to try and not eat that for a week to see if it'd help me.

I still need to get a dress for the end of year formal/ball/party and it's been proving very difficult. All the dresses (that are not too expensive) that I've seen don't have any style and have horrible colour schemes. And there's no way I'm wearing pink. Just not my colour. And I really don't want to wear black. Or yellow. I know, I know, I'm picky.

I just want a dress that would make me look gorgeous. But then, doesn't everyone?

I also want my hair to get wavy again like it used to be. It's becoming too straight. I never got why some girls want straight hair so much. I think curly hair looks a lot better. Does anyone know the best way to get NATURALLY looking curly/wavy hair? (Not one of those fake spiral ones.)

Caring about appearances sure takes the attention off everything else.

Sick Dreaming

Sick Dreaming

When everyone had the flu a few weeks ago, I managed to sail through unscarred (with the help of echinacea). Then yesteday night, my glands swelled up so much I couldn't swallow and my nose started running. Today, we had grandparents over to celebrate my Grandma's birthday but I could barely stay alert. I really tried to pretend I was fine but then gave up. I slept way too much today.

Imagined how nice it would be to have a boyfriend to take care of me.

I messaged Max to tell him that I couldn't talk right now because I was sick. He messaged me back to wish me well and to tell me he was watching the NRL Grand Final. Didn't know he was into Rugby...

Confessing To Mum and Max

Confessing To Mum and Max

I'm not exactly sure how it happened but I ended up telling my Mum about BG yesterday. She laughed at my bad luck. I think she was kinda pleased that I met someone I liked, even if nothing happened.

When I switched my phone on today in the morning, there was a message from Max that he sent me at 2 in the morning saying how it'd be good to talk again. Didn't feel as happy about it as I would've last week or the week before that. Don't know why but my feelings towards Max change dramatically from desperately wanting to meet and talk to him to pretending he doesn't exist. Right now I'm close to the latter.

I'm trying to think of meeting him as something fun but right now it doesn't seem like it. I feel like I'm happier without any guys at all than with one 'sort of ok' one. This is a rare feeling(especially now that I'm 20).

I have a bit of a cold right now so I'm using that as an excuse not to reply to his message which I think will lead to a conversation over the phone. And my throat can't handle talking for at least an hour (which I'm sure how long it will be).

Matchmaker. Weirdness.

Matchmaker. Weirdness.

I went to Lilly's and Sophia's combined birthday party at a Japanese restaurant. I ended up seating next to Sally and the gross girl that I talked about here. I was polite to her at the beginning and asked her about how her holidays have been. She said she did uni work and didn't ask me anything, so I gave up talking to her.

Sally started matching people up and telling me why certain people were suited to each other (some that she didn't even know). She then said, "I wonder who you could go with" and I said, "No one here, that's for sure!" in a very definite tone. She looked around and said, "Sam." As you can imagine, I was greatly offended and told her so. She said that opposites attract. I completely disagreed. Not counting the fact that I'm not attracted to Asian guys, Sam also likes to get drunk, acts like an idiot and doesn't realise that people are often laughing at him, not with him. He (like most of the rest of the guys) is completely not self-aware. And he cares way too much what he looks like. Just the idea of me being matched with him is completely and utterly gross. Although, the rest aren't much better.

Sometimes I feel like there's no one in the world who's suited to me. But my opinion has been skewed towards this thinking because of the terrible variety of guys that are around me. I'm sure there are intelligent, non-smoking, non-alcoholic, non-religious, funny, kind and attractive (to me) guys (a few years older than me) somewhere out there. Please, let there be!

I also have to try and stop my weird side coming out. Sometimes I say really strange things out of nowhere and it completely throws people off. I know I can say weird things with my close friends because they don't notice it but I have to be more careful with others. After I said to Sally out of nowhere, "How does the chef's hat never fall off his head, even though it's so high?" she looked at me puzzled and said, "You're one very strange girl". I just said it light-heartedly but I guess she thought I was very serious. I should think before I say things like that. Without my little weird side, I'm very normal. I think that my weirdness makes me interesting and some people like me more because of it. But I guess not everyone understands.

My brother picked me up from the station. When I got in the car, I saw that 2 of his friends (girls) were there. I know all about them but I've never properly met them. I'm disappointed in my brother. Who knew he'd be friends with teeny-boppers. They were both giggling at nothing and one kept poking Andrew in the neck, while he was driving. They are defintely not the type of girls I'd be friends with.

I feel like my brother is changing for the worse. Really hope that his moodiness and rudeness is just a phase caused by the stress of the uni entrance exams. It's as if aliens have kidnapped my real nice and sweet and easy-going brother and put a mean one in his place.

Last weekend some people came over (that just came from POB) and the son is Andy's age so his Mum wanted to introduce him to my brother, since the guy doesn't know anyone here. I have never seen my brother be more rude to guests. Andrew completely ignored him, didn't talk to him until prompted by my Mum and the poor guy had to try to initiate conversation and was very friendly. If I was younger, I would've had a very big crush on him. I thought the guy was great and the old Andrew would've made him feel welcome.

The Four of Us

The Four of Us

Went over to Christine's house today. April and Claudia were there too. Amelia had other plans. We played board games (April and I lost terribly to Christine and Claud in Pictionary). However, I did win the game about who tells the best lies. No surprises there. I'm an expert liar.

We ate a lot of junk food. We talked a lot and had a great time.

It'd be a lot harder to have days like that next year when some of us will have full-time jobs. (Hopefully, I'll have a job.)

Childhood is slipping through our fingers too fast.

Other People and Life Mistakes

Other People and Life Mistakes

Had a nice day in the city with April, Claud and Christine. We went for lunch at a very quirky place because we are trying to taste every international cuisine there is. Next to us sat a group of young women who reminded me of the 'girls' from "Sex and the City". They were all tall, dressed very metropolitan and talked about their relationships (as April told me since I couldn't really hear them).

And there were four of us who looked like kids (and I sure felt like one too). Maybe it's because I know my friends since high school that I always feel like I'm a high school student whenever I'm around them. The only thing that really changed is that now we don't eat at McDonalds every time we go out. Other than that, we still act silly and talk about movies and organising our next get-togethers.

In front of me sat a middle-aged couple who I'm certain were having an affair. I could tell this by the way the woman stared dreamily at the muscled guy (with grey hair) who I'm sure looked gorgeous when he was younger. The way the woman kept flicking her fake blonde hair. The way the man couldn't keep his hands off her. The way they were trying to look like teenagers. It was plain gross.

After our lunch, April and I went to watch "Suddenly Thirty" which was VERY enjoyable. April and I couldn't control our laughter. Sadly, we could relate too much to the pain the 13 year old girl was experiencing. But I'd like to point out, that we NEVER went as far as she did. Just so you know.

The movie made us think if we could change anything in the past what it would be. April apparently wouldn't change anything. People say that they don't regret mistakes because of what they learn but I'd rather not make mistakes because I could've not been where I am today if I didn't make them. Like my Dad says, "It's better to learn from other people's mistakes" and I totally agree.

Although if anything was too different, I might've never met April and I don't know what I'd do without her. I always get the best stomach workout laughing with her.

Perfect Friend

If you feel like your friends are not how you want them to be, think about this:

"When your looking for a friend don't look for perfection, just look for friendship."

The Worst Habit

The Worst Habit

There’s a girl in my course who hasn’t talked to anyone for the last two years and only last week decided to try and join in by having lunch with us. I tried to make her feel welcome (‘cause it can be quite daunting to try and join a large group of people who all know each other). I started talking to her but I couldn’t understand a word she was saying because of her very strong accent. That made it very difficult because I couldn’t reply to what she said but just sat there, smiled and nodded. And every time, she’d look at me questioningly, I felt really bad for seeming so snobby to her.

She was also talking while she was eating and she had all this food stuck in her teeth and she was chewing really noisily and spitting. It was so gross, especially that one thing that irritates me above all else is people eating loudly, making that smacking, chewing and gulping noise. (Just that day, a girl behind me on the train was eating so loudly I had to restrain myself from turning around and telling her to shut up).

Even after that girl was gross, I invited her to come along for our yesterday’s outing. She came which surprised the others and afterwards they said it was nice that she did. I tried to talk to her again because most people were ignoring her (not because they were being rude but because she wasn’t really joining in) and I have to say that I’m over trying so hard to make her feel comfortable because she was spitting when she was talking and I couldn’t understand what she was talking about. I try not to feel sorry for people but it was a bit hard with her.

Which habit irritates you the most?

An Outing Causes Reflection

An Outing Causes Reflection

I think my private blog with April is making me write less in here. For example, I had a sorta interesting day today but I can't really write about all the details in here 'cause I'm too paranoid someone I know might recognise me. It's just easier to only tell April about it.

I went out with some uni friends and amazingly had (I'm a bit afraid to say this) a BETTER time than I usually have with my high school friends. Never thought that could happen. Now, what made it better?

Firstly - guys. Even if none of them were my type (or anywhere even close) but it was nice to hang out with not only girls. Secondly, I loved how everyone was a lot more outgoing which made it easier to not worry whether everyone was having a good time. And it was easier to have a good time with relaxed social people around.

It's weird how although I act the same with my high school friends and my uni friends, people have quite different perceptions of me.

I also got thinking that not only can't we choose our families, but we also can't choose our friends. If I could pick people I'd want to be friends with from the entire population, I doubt I'd choose the friends I have. Except a few.

The Death of a Blog

The Death of a Blog

I was just reflecting on the fact that I've had this blog for a year and a half. That's kinda long. There have been a number of blogs that I found to love but then their bloggers decided to stop writing. There was madpony, Anna and me and now Belle de Jour has decided to end hers. I wonder if I'll ever get sick of writing here. Somehow I doubt it.

Today, I accidentally stumbled on another great blog. Lisa, the blogger from New York, is the type of person that I'd want to be friends with. She's positive and funny and interesting so her blog is great to read. Hopefully, she won't stop writing in it so I can enjoy it for a while longer.

Can't wait to go to America. I might start to count down the days soon!

Invitation Only

Invitation Only

Now that I have a Gmail account, I feel like a part of an exclusive society. I had it since last week (I think...) and I have to say that it's definitely a great innovation on the ordinary email. The 1Gb of email space is fantastic as well as conversation like emails where the replies to a certain email do not litter your inbox, but are added to the original email. So there's no need for ">>>>" that show which email you're replying to. This probably won't make sense if you don't have it, but trust me, it's great!

A Good Boring Day

A Good Boring Day

This semester, I'm not having any exciting days like in previous ones. Here's what happened today:

• Did a presentation which made my tutor laugh. That never happened before, but I was quite pleased.
• Got my essay back and got a distinction - very unexpected since I haven't written a proper essay since high school. (My course is mostly project based.)
• At the station, bought a return ticket to the city so that I could go and fix my plane ticket but it turned out the guy gave me a one way (even though I paid for a return). I got quite annoyed when the ticket gate swallowed my ticket.
• Couldn't find the travel centre so went into a bank to ask. A cute guy was there who actually came out with me onto the street to look for house numbers. Obviously there weren't any, since I already looked before asking him. I asked him to ask other people who worked at the bank. One lady knew and told me.
• Fixed my plane ticket after a debate about whether the lady could do it. Felt good about changing her mind, and saving $100.
• Got on the train and listened to young high school boys talk about movies and girls. It was very entertaining.
• Got off a station before mine and walked home. (I decided to lose weight for my end of the year formal and since there's not much I can change about my diet which is pretty healthy, I've decided to exercise more.)

Teenage Dramas

Teenage Dramas

Everyone seems to be really rapt in The OC, except me. The show just seems to be a new generation of Dawson's Creek, but in my opinion not as good. I don't know, maybe I've just outgrown angsty teenage dramas. But somehow I don't think that's the reason for me not liking it.

I think the difference between The OC and other shows (that I've watched) that it's been compared to (such as Dawson's Creek, Felicity and Party of Five) is that in The OC, I don't like the characters. It's not even just that I can't relate to them (like I could with Joey, Felicity and Claudia), but I genuinely don't like them. They bore me. Seth (played by Adam Brody) is the only one that seems to be interesting but in this show, his character is lost and downplayed by teenage guy fantasy storylines.

The girls in the show seem to be completely two dimensional and are there only as objects for the guys to drool over. There's the "girl next door" who can't even be compared to Joey (even when she did get annoying), there's the "straight-forward flirt" and the "nice blonde". Their stereotypes all add to the ingredients of the typical teenage soap-opera.

Turnaround

Turnaround

I got another tutoring job and it made me think how many kids I tutored. And they are all so different, with their distinct personalities.

The guy that I tutor now, Aidan, started off as someone I thought I could really make a difference in, but then progressed to me just wanting to get through the lesson any way possible, but today something clicked and I actually thought that I quite liked him. He wasn't a lost cause after all. He was bright (which I always knew) and this brightness wasn't just his brains but his personality too. At first I thought he was some kid on drugs with a big attitude problem who was too lazy to use his brain, but today I realised that he was a very friendly person who was creative and clever, but just lived in an environment that wouldn't let him be confident enough to use his brains. He even told me that the reason he didn't want to do too well in tests was so that he wouldn't be the top student, because that was a bad label to have. And that's quite sad.

Maybe I should've been a teacher, as I wanted to be until about year 11. Hmm.... Maybe not, I should just stick to tutoring.

Book End

Book End

It's so annoing when a book is very interesting and then you get to the end and it has the cheesiest conclusion.

"Geography" by Sophie Cunningham is a perfect example. It's about a woman telling her story (about how she got obsessed with a man who was just using her) to a young woman she befriends on a holiday in India. Stop reading now if you don't want to know how it ends. As soon as the young woman turns out to be gay, I was hoping that the author wouldn't resort to the older woman falling in love with her. And when throughout the book, nothing of this sort happens, I got quite happy that a story can be about a close friendship between 2 women (one of which is gay) without them falling in love with each other, but then the author had to go and ruin everything. In the last few pages, the older woman (who was completely obsessed with a man throughout the whole story) goes and falls in love with the young gay one. I was so disappointed that it had to have such a predicted and corny ending.

Now I have a major dilemma: should I reduce my originial rating of 4 stars to 3 stars on Amazon just because of the ending? Decisions, decisions.

Surprised?

Surprised?

Can't say that I'm surprised that I was the only one turn up to the dancing class. I didn't even care as much as I did last time. I was beyond caring. I got the lesson for free, even though it was cut in half. Oh well. I'll go next week again. The instructor (who seemed only a few years older than me) said that some of her workmates will be coming next week. I'm not counting on it.

Another Try

Another Try

I decided to give dancing lessons another try. I found an ad in the paper about new ones that are located only 2 suburbs away from mine. I called the place and the lady sounded nice (which was a change from the dancing studos in my suburb). And they are not expensive, like the ones in the city. My only hope is that I won't be the only one to turn up like the last time. Really hope nothing goes wrong.

Without My Brother

Without My Brother

I saw "Marty's and Jess's Outback Wedding" and although I didn't think it was as good as Trista's Wedding, one bit brought tears to my eyes. When I heard that her brother died in the Bali bombings, I just felt so extremely sick because I couldn't stop putting myself in her shoes and imaginig what it would be like without Andy. Even after it finished when I'd think of it, I'd get all teary.

I guess what made me so sad was the fact that Andy and I haven't spoken to each other properly for a month now because he's really mad at me for losing my temper really bad and going a bit insane. Even though he provoked it, but it's no excuse. I tried to talk to him but he got mad that I was pretending like nothing happened.

I decided to be mature about this because life is too short for fights like these and wrote him an apology (since he wouldn't talk to me).

I hate not talking to him so much because he's my favourite person in the whole world (even at his worst) and the thought of him not being close with me makes me so upset that I don't want to waste a single moment being like we are now.

I realised a while ago that I love my parents because they are my parents but I love Andy not because he's my brother but because he's the best person I know.

Pop

Pop

Yesterday when I saw the last 5 minutes of "Australian Idol: The Unforgettables" or whatever it was called, I felt like Matilda did when she saw dollar bills being stuck to a guy using honey (or whatever it was) and broke the TV using her brain power. Unfortunately, I didn't have that much brain power and I love the TV too much.

But seriously, it made me sick that people's stupidity was exploited like that. I felt the performers' humiliation for them, since they obviously didn't understand that they were being publicly made fun of. Reminded me of primary schools when kids who didn't know any better were made fun of and they thought people actually liked them.

I guess I should try not to feel too bad for them since the performers actually enjoyed the spotlight and being part of the show (even if they didn't understand what it really was about).

What is really disgusting though was that a show like that could actually make money. It was something that could've been written in a fiction book satirising pop culture. But it was actually real. How very sad that television has to sink down to this level.

My Grandparents' Quirks

My Grandparents' Quirks

My grandparents crack me up.

When I went to visit them today, somehow we got talking about TV and my grandma asked, "What's with the ad that has a girl turning around and dropping her skirt?" Since my grandparents don't really understand English, I had to explain to them about the Miss Universe incident and that it was no ad.

My grandma then said, "She wasn't even wearing underwear" and my grandpa said that she was. My grandma then waved her hand and said, "Yes, she was wearing some stringy thing. Is that supposed to make people think that she's wearing underwear? Is it just a string at the front as well?".

I couldn't reply because my stomach was hurting from laughing so much. I tried to calm down by telling them that Australia won Miss Universe (because it turned out my grandparents didn't know) and my grandma said, "I didn't see her face but her butt wasn't bad".

Memory Prevents From Enjoyment of Song

Memory Prevents From Enjoyment of Song

Every time I see/hear Thirsty Merc on TV/radio, I can't take their song seriously because all I can think of is when the lead singer made out in front of me at the Maroon 5 concert. And how short he was.

And the song sounds nice (if only a little bit off).

Personal Reminder

Personal Reminder

Starting to talk to Max again was supposed to be something extra to spice up my life, not the ONLY thing to make my life interesting.

MUST NOT get into the old cycle of obsession. Must pretend that everything is the same as it was before I started to talk to him again. So he's just a small part to make things fun, not the ONLY fun thing to be exaggerated and taken out of proportion. NOT the centre of my fun.

Must stop thinking up of endless scenarios involving Max. Actually came up with what I can say to my friends about how I met Max, without lying, and without telling the real truth. God, I can be so manipulative. Although it might not go the way I'd like. I guess I don't really have to think about it just yet, anyway.

TAFE Assignment: Supporting Role Played By My Blog

TAFE Assignment: Supporting Role Played By My Blog

I was checking my blog statistics today and saw that I was linked to what looks like a tafe assignment.

As I read it, I couldn't help but think that my blog was an example of a mundane blog that the author of that page talks about (since the other 3 examples look like very popular blogs (especially dear_raed.blogspot.com, who most bloggers know about).

It also said that "Anonyminity can also reduce the credibility of the writer if they are making comments but not taking responibility" (a spelling mistake in an assignment!) which is a bit hypocritical since I couldn't find anywhere on that site where it said who its author was. (Although if I had to do an assignment that I had to post on the internet, I wouldn't write my name either.)

Not that I'm certain about this, but it's kinda funny if my blog was used as a bad example.

TV

TV

Watched so much TV today in the morning. Probably to make up for how much I haven't watched in the last few weeks.

I taped "Joe Schmoe" and "Playing It Straight" since I'm addicted to reality TV shows. Joe Schmoe is getting quite suspenseful since it's getting close to when the guy finds out that the other contestants are actors. Have a feeling he's going to cry (judging by how he started sobbing when one contestant that he liked got voted off). Seriously, get a grip, it's a TV show!

"Playing It Straight" I just had to watch. The guys that got voted off I thought were gay. I always liked to think that I can read people pretty well so it's a bit disheartening to realise that I can't. The way one guy (that got voted off) said, "Ohmy Gawwd!!" I thought was a sure sign that he was gay, but how wrong I was.

Oh and I saw "The Practice" this week and I'm hooked.

"A Different Visual Experience"

"A Different Visual Experience"

Met up with April and Claudia after uni so we could go and see Missy Higgins for free at the uni bar.

Claudia got Allison a card for her birthday but I refused to sign it. I did decorate it though, because as usual I couldn’t keep away from drawing on everything.

When we got there, the bar was so full that we were only allowed into the courtyard to watch the singer from a screen. April kept commenting how wonderful it was to see the singer’s face framed by poles and hedges and how we wouldn’t have had that visual experience if we just watched her on TV. People around us thought April was serious and kept looking at us strangely.

When Allison came down to the courtyard and saw me, she acted surprised that I didn’t get her email and then started apologising. Hmm, why would you apologise if you didn’t feel you did anything wrong? She kept saying how we should meet up and do something. She sounded pretty genuine, but I don’t know. I was surprised that only about 8 people turned up for her 21st. I expected a lot more. Everyone went to another bar, except April and me. We hung around at uni until Missy Higgins came on (because it turned out to our surprise that the first singer wasn’t actually her with a new haircut). We didn’t really listen but talked about April’s uni adventures with new guys that she’s becoming friends with. That was more entertaining.

I really wanted to get to the actual bar ‘cause I knew Nadine was there with her friends and I really wanted to hang out with her but we weren’t allowed to.

The Third Time

The Third Time

Max called yesterday. We spoke for about an hour on the mobile before my battery went flat. That would’ve been one expensive phone call. When he said he’d be calling (‘cause I told him to warn me) I got all ready and made sure that I would be the first to pick up the normal phone so I wouldn’t have to explain who he was to my Dad (my Mum wasn’t home) but then he goes and calls me on the mobile. Right now, it’s too easy to keep him a secret from my parents (or anyone really).

Really want to tell April about him but I can’t right now. I only will after I meet him (a number of times) so it’s worth it.

Every conversation that I have with him on the phone just gets better and better. The first time was kind of awkward. The second time was 2 hours of small talk. And yesterday he actually acknowledged that we knew each other for 4 years now (which is a long time). And although we generally talked about general topics, he did tell me what happened to the girl that he really liked in America that he used to go on about when we used to chat. So the conversation was much more relaxed than last time. And it was good that we actually talked like friends, rather than acquaintances. He’s just like having a girl friend (only a bit different but in a good way). I love it :)

Children's Innocence

Children's Innocence

I was walking home today in a very good mood. Nothing changed but somehow my perspective has.

Anyway, I saw these 2 little kids picking flowers. The older girl was instructing her brother which ones to pick. As I was walking past them, the little boy asked me if I wanted to smell the flowers. Of course, I said yes. They didn't smell at all but I said that they did. You should've seen the boy's face. He was watching me so intently when I was smelling them and when I smiled and said that they smelled wonderful, his face just dissolved into a humongous grin. It was SO adorable. The girl told me that they were picking flowers for their Mum because the old ones died.

I can just imagine the owners of those flowers going to water them and realising that they've all be ripped out. Hehe.

The Game

The Game

It feels like I'm playing a very strategic game with the Max thing. I'm plotting my every move. I look at all my choices and imagine all possible consequences. And then choose the move that would yield the best outcome.

It seems like he's playing carelessly.

It's my turn now. Instead of replying to my email, he messaged me. I don't really want to message back 'cause I prefer to communicate through email, rather than SMS. More can be said that way. But he seems to want me to message him back. So now I'm not sure if I should tell him that I prefer email or if I should message him back. And if I do, what can I say that would make things go the way I want them to?

I know I know, I have too much spare time to overanalyse the tiniest of details. Actually there are a lot of other things I should be thinking about but I'm a professional procrastinator.

Treasured High School Moments

Treasured High School Moments

I can't believe I'm writing this but I miss high school.

I miss the lazy sunny spring day lunchtimes, sitting in our grassy school courtyard and talking and laughing and being silly. Looking forward to holidays and imagining what our future has in store for us.

And those end of term classes where the teacher doesn't care what we do and conspiring with April about our future movie careers and writing tacky film scripts and hypothesising our Academy Awards winning moment. And finding ridiculous things hilarious and trying to explain what we are laughing about to others.

Exchanging notes with Amelia while sitting right next to each other. Gossiping with Kelly about guys I don't know. Having meaningful conversations on the train with Allison, Jacqui, Kelly and some others.

Getting chatted up by immature guys from other schools and surfies and rolling our eyes at them to each other.

So many little moments that I've forgotten about that used to make me really happy.

I guess after I finish uni, I will also have lots of little memories that would make me miss it and fondly remember it.

TV and More TV

TV and More TV

Yay! Newlyweds is back on again! That show is so fun. And the girl that they had stay with Nick and Jessica is so pretty. She could be an actress.

I'm not putting any pictures of the shows that I'm watching now though 'cause last time I did that, I still get 50 hits a day from people looking for their picture (which is NOT here anymore! Why can't Google update their search engine?!)

Oh, and did I say I watched Joe Schmoe? It can get a bit sleazy but I like the concept. And it can be quite funny.

And Amelie was on last night!!! I love that movie. It's different, witty and sweet.

So finally there's been something to watch on TV. If only they could bring back "Gilmore Girls".

And I saw a bit of Home and Away last week and Noah was dead! What happened? How did he die? It's so weird to watch an episode of a long running soap once every few months and nothing changes much but then all of a sudden old characters die and there are lots of new ones that come out of nowhere. Hmm. I remember I used to watch Home and Away every day when I was 11/12. I think that's the age when most people watched it religiously. Oh and then there's Neighbours. I think after I stopped watching Home and Away, I started watching Neighbours. But then I got sick of it and stopped.

I can't believe some soaps run for so long.

Must Get Distracted

Must Get Distracted

When I started this blog, I told myself that I wouldn't write anything too personal or sentimental, because other people read this. But it's so easy to forget about everyone else because I don't have these people here when I write so it's tempting to get carried away and write everything that's on my mind. Which I have done quite a bit in the past.

By writing the last paragraph, I'm trying to restrain myself from writing something that in my fresher mind (i.e. not the one that I have at almost midnight) I wouldn't want other people to read. Even though it's all I want to talk about.

I'll try to distract myself and write about something else, like a hobby that has resurfaced again. Even since I saw what a paperdoll was, I started drawing and designing clothes for them. So since the age of about 7, I have now hundreds (if not more) clothes designs. And since the dream that I had a week ago about a very original design that I made up (and thankfully remembered when I woke up), fashion design ideas have been constanly springing up in my head.

If only I could actually sew them. My Mum was saying I should take a sewing class so I can learn to make patterns for the clothes that I designed. I'd like to but right now I don't have the money for anything (since it's all going for my trip to America).

I've been meaning to convert my designs into a digital form and make a digital paper doll, but never really got around to it. It's just so much easier drawing on paper.

Ok, that was about a minute of distraction from thinking about Max. I'm trying not to get my hopes up this time about anything but it's a bit hard. Knowing that he doesn't wish me to go away and leave him alone is a nice relief because I didn't expect that. I always expect the worst, which is usually good because things are not always as bad as I think they are.

When I was waiting for my uni entrance results, my Dad said, "Expect the worst, hope for the best". And that really stuck with me.

Mythological Creature

Mythological Creature

I'm a:

Faerie:
Faeries are sweet loving beings who love to help
people. They are not held back by reality and
love to dream and fly around. You probably are
very creative and although not the most popular
person in the world you are probably loved by
many for your sweet caring personality.

What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics) brought to you by Quizilla

Dad's Present

Dad's Present

Just finished my Dad's present for tomorrow's Father's Day. It took 2 1/2 hours to bake this cake that he said he really wanted (he even got me the recipe!). I pretended I wasn't going to do it, of course, but as soon as he and Mum left, I got started. And I'm never doing it again. It took forever. And it wasn't one of those that you can put in the oven for an hour and do something else. This one needed constant attention. He better like it! (But if not, I'll eat it 'cos it looks quite yummy, even though it didn't rise properly but my cakes never seem to.)

I remember last year I was really mad at my Dad (constantly) so didn't get him anything for Father's Day, but then my Mum got angry at me so I don't remember if I did end up giving him something or not.

This year is totally different. My Dad has been really great about everything and it was definitely worth the effort to make that cake.

Craving vs Addiction

Craving vs Addiction

The difference between a craving and an addiction:

Craving: Once you have what you crave, you will be satisfied.
Addiction: Once you have what you're addicted to, you will want more.

So a craving can be satisfied and an addiction can't.

The Secret Exposed

The Secret Exposed

I have a bit of a confession to make. I was going to do it last week but I forgot about it. Must've repressed it from my memory.

I accidentally saw a bit of the Olympic games and I LIKED it. The shame. How will I ever be able to face my Anti-Olympic self again?

My Chronic Disease: Procrastination

My Chronic Disease: Procrastination

I had a choice today between going to uni and wasting time and staying home and getting work done. I chose the latter. After about an hour of trying to figure out what to do and doing about a 100th of what is needed, I got bored (at my extremely slow pace) and decided to waste time instead.

I so hate doing work that takes tons of mechanical processes to be done that take forever. Reminds me of factory work or something. I have to trace a photo of a detailed supermarket. Every shelf, ever box and carton to make it look realistic. There has to be a faster way! And after that I have to add other stuff to the image that I have to make up myself. Just looking at the work makes me want to close the program and hope it will get done by itself. Well, I can wish.

A Little Difference

A Little Difference

Well well well.

Hmm. Max emailed back. I didn't really expect him to (especially so soon). Said he was wondering what I was up to this week and was thinking of emailing but decided not to because it would be 'hypocritical'. I don't really get how. What did he mean?

Anyway, sounds like he wants to talk again. The silly guy gave me his mobile number again as if I didn't have it anymore!

So things should get more interesting now. My life needs something different.

Just yesterday after I wrote the previous entry, I decided that I was going to make my own life fun and not wait for someone else to do it. And today had such a great time hanging out with my uni friends (who I largely underestimated). I think they totally deserve to be put on the same level as my high school friends. They are interesting, fun to be around with and like me the way I am. Hopefully I'll stay in touch with them after uni.

Also noticed that I've been getting along with all sorts of people lately, some who I never talked with before. Either I'm changing or everyone else is.

It's fun days like today that I wish to have more of. They are what make life more meaningful and not feel like a waste.

Oh, and did I say Max thought about me this week? Hehe.

(I really should stop craving guy attention so much. It's unhealthy.)

Spring Reflections

Spring Reflections

It's the first day of spring today. Oh my God. Time seems to be flying faster than ever before. I've wasted all of this year. Didn't do anything worth remembering. Hopefully my trip at the end of the year will make up for it. Less than 3 months to go.

Uni is almost over too. Don't feel like I had that great experience that I expected my time there to be. But can't change it so will not dwell on it. (I have more important things to dwell about.)

When I try to remember what happened this year, all I can think of is my dancing dilemma. I cannot believe nothing more substantial happened. At least last year, there was the Max thing that definitely spiced up things a bit but this year... nothing.

Unexpected Emails

Unexpected Emails

You know when you are expecting a certain email and you get excited that your mail account's front page says that you got a new one and then you open it and it's something boring?

And I'm not talking about Max's reply.

I met up with Claudia today and she asked me if I was going to Allison's birthday party next week. I had to say no because I knew nothing about it. When Claudia said that she got the email invite yesterday, I was a bit relieved because I didn't check my mail last night. I mean surely if Claudia (who wasn't even really friends with Allison) was invited, then I definitely would be.

So tonight when I was checking my email and the front page said that I had 1 new one, I thought that if it wasn't from Max, it would definitely be from Allison. So when I opened my inbox, there were 2 new emails. Both from neither of them. I was quite disappointed. I wasn't really expecting such a quick reply from Max but Allison! How could she not invite me when she invited Claudia? It just seems so very strange.

I'm actually more confused than hurt. I mean, Allison and I haven't talked for 2 years so it's not really a surprise that I wasn't invited. I was more surprised why Claudia (who she hasn't talked with for even longer) was. Oh well.

Anyway, Claud and I had a great time. She'll be going overseas as well at the same time as me. She's very excited which I can totally understand.

Too bad, we couldn't catch Amelia today who was at a lecture just for the fun of it. Sure! It was probably a guy that was the reason for her attendance to an Economics lecture! Not something most people would go to if they weren't enroled in it. I bet people who were wouldn't even go!

Email to Max

Email to Max

Length: short
Type: casual
Status: sent

Analysing Adam

Analysing Adam

Here's an online conversation that I had with April yesterday where we talked like boy-crazy 13 year olds and unintentionally created a whole personality for the main singer of Maroon 5. This is an edited version (I got rid of the unnecessary 'lol's and 'hehe's along with some other stuff so it'll be more interesting for you to read).

April: i watched 'harder to breathe' as well. And shock horror, it doesn't have him making out with some girl
me: ok, i found out his name and i'm going to call him adam from now on
A: oh adam huh?
m: yes, adam
A: i don't know any adams so that'll be fine
m: what a nice name
but i think all hot guys have nice names
A: i don't think he's a nice guy though
m: why not?
A: a little obsessed with sex wouldn't u say?
Although he's a guy so i guess that's to be expected
m: i think it's just that he's not very confident so he thinks that the only way he can sell records is if he used his sexuality :P
A: lol! u've twisted things around very nicely in ur mind there!
m: i have :)
A: and most of their songs relate to sex in some way
m: at least it's not as obvious as JC's (from nsync) new song
A: don't know it
m: well, he has to express himself in some way and singing is his outlet
A: yeah i'd prefer if he weren't so obsessed but u can't have everything i suppose
m: i think i'd be able to tolerate it, especially if he could sing so well and be so hot
A: i like the melodies, and since i've seen worse video clips, i can forgive him for now
m: yeah, i think their tunes are very original cos they're a mix of different genres
A: yeah that's what i thought when i heard 'this love' actually
m: i love that melody
A: and of course he looks very hot in the clip
m: yes, he does but i try not to be biased
A: lol
m: 'if u only knew' is soooo sweet
A: i like 'must get out' although i don't know if i said that already
m: don't remember
but i love it too
i love everything
A: "i've had you so many times but somehow i want more"
i don't like that line
m: hehe. it's not that bad. i've heard worse
A: well of course, but still...
m: there's "Your just innocent
A helpless victim of a spider's web
And I'm an insect
Goin after anything that I can get"
i think that's worse, but it also depends on how u interpret it
A: really i think the other one's worse
although i see what u mean
m: i think the other could be about him being SOO in love with the girl that he can't get enough
A: yeah the first one's okay if the girl wants to sleep with him too
otherwise it's a bit iffy
m: what makes u think she doesn't?
A: i don't know
all i can say is poor jane
m: did u hear 'secret'?
A: yup
m: i didn't even realise what it was about at first
i thought it was a nice driving song
A: i thought that about sunday morning :)
m: but sunday morning doesn't have any secret meaning
that i've noticed....
A: omg, i just read the lyrics to 'secret'. i totally missed that before too
m: lol
now u know
A: i see what u mean now
he's more obsessed with sex than i first thought!
m: but he tried to hide it
A: i don't think Australia will ever show the clip for that (if it's released)
m: i can just imagine it being about them making out in a car
A: it'd be like 'oh turn down the air con, i have beads of sweat'
m: i can imagine him overlooking the auditions
A: so can i! he probably got in a band just to sleep with models! the music is a happy coincidence...
m: he's just lucky he can write music
A: well i'm sure it comes easily :P
a subject so close to his heart
oh and do u see a pattern?
more girls in every succeeding video clip...
m: but do u find it that it's easier to accept a hot guy who writes good melodies obsess about it, rather than a not attractive guy
A: i don't know, which not hot guys have done that?
m: JC
no offense to him
A: lol
i wonder how many girls have dumped adam? (despite his hotness)
or maybe it was just one, 'jane'
m: they couldn't keep up :P
A: he's obviously suffered in some relationship
m: maybe since jane is such a plain name, he used it to call all his ex gfs
A: all the ones that used him for sex? :P
i'm sorry, i'm so mean to poor adam
m: so r u saying he had all those gfs that just wanted sex and this is his way to assert his masculinity?
A: well i'm confused, cos some songs are about how he wants to sleep with some woman, where as others are about how his sex wasn't good enough
m: like which ones?
no wonder he's hurting 2 girls in "she will be loved"
A: hold on, i'll find the one i was thinking of
m: "The rhythm of her conversation
The perfection of her creation
The sex she slipped into my coffee
The way she felt when she first saw me
Hate to love and love to hate her"
obviously a girl has used him
A: oh that was one!
m: seduced him and dropped him
A: but theres' something else
m: hmm, i see his lack of power now in "if u only knew"
even though it's under a disguise of a sweet song
"I wake up
Thoughts of you
Tattooed to my mind
As I wonder
What to wear
What to eat
Who to be
Will I see you again"
obsessed much?
he even cares about what he eats!
A: shiver's a bit like that too
'you chew me up and spit me out'
omg, i can't find it, but there was one where he said something about he tried, but it wasn't good enough
m: "Immobilized by the thought of you
Paralyzed by the sight of you
Hypnotized by the words you say
Not true but I believe anyway"
A: hehe poor old adam
m: very strong lyrics there
A: what have these women done to him?
have i changed ur view of their lyrics now?
m: yes, i never analysed them so much
A: "And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all"
he's such a girl! waiting for phone calls
m: and so he has to try to make up for his insecurity by songs like tangled
A: his whole life chronicled in songs
m: i know
i love when singers sing about personal things
A: although in this case, too much info i think
m: no, it isn't, let poor adam get it out the only way he knows how
A: i think that he wasn't famous enough (or brave enough) to get models in harder to breathe
hehe
m: u r probably right
A: but after that he thought, better go all the way and have a sex scene in this love
m: but at least he showed that he's not just some hot object, he is a real person too with feelings
A: lol
he's just a big teddy bear isn't he?
i have this vision of him sitting there crying and writing these songs
m: and then he thought "well the best thing about the clip was the girl, better have 2 this time.
i can imagine him a bit schizo so one moment he's crying about his gf that he wasn't good enough for in bed, and then trying to make up for it by writing something about using innocent girls
A: 'next time it's gonna be threesome and then we'll see who's laughing'
m: and did u notice anything else?
A: what?
m: the other band members weren't even there in the latest clip
A: they were in some scenes
but all they do is play instruments
m: he's probably having "i'm the main singer" complex
A: he's probably thinking 'i don't want the girls to leave me for other guys like before i was famous'
m: hehe
A: oh adam...so troubled
m: which makes me love him even more
A: i still can't get over his schizophrenia
m: me neither
A: it's like 'oh i'm such a loser...no i'm not! i rule!'
m: lol!!!
A: 'i can get any girl i want...but what if she leaves me?'
m: "she can be such a slut............but so can i!"
A: can u imagine him being really innocent and wanting to settle down with a family before he was ruined?
m: he can be one of those tragic singers who can't get a wife and drinks and writes sad songs or angry ones
A: i can imagine him with a bottle of whiskey, tears streaming down his face in a dark motel room writing lyrics
that's probably when he wrote 'through with you'
m: did u read the lyrics for 'Myself'?
A: wow he's in such denial, at one point it's like 'oh i need you so bad' and then it's 'i feel fine'
m: i know!! i can so relate
A: poor poor adam
it's all a front
m: don't u feel like u already know him?

Reminders of High School

Reminders of High School

I saw Kelly today at uni who told me that she saw Nadine (who she only met once at my 12th birthday party). Nadine, of course, didn’t recognise her. When she mentioned that party, I realised how long ago that was and was reminded of my high school years.

I didn’t only hang out with April, Amelia, Christine and Claudia. I had another group of friends (from year 7, way before I even knew those four). Kelly and I weren’t close but we talked a lot. I had some of the best conversations with her and today I realised how much I actually missed them now. How much I missed gossiping with Kelly and how much I missed hanging out with Allison. There were so many people I talked to that I don’t even see anymore. I never really cared until today because it’s not like were such close friends that I could tell them anything, but we had some really fun times. That other group of friends was a LOT more outgoing and I miss that. I guess the reason I don’t really keep in touch with them is because I never felt like I totally fitted in with them, the way I fit in with April, Amelia, Claudia and Christine.

Puzzling Video Clip

Puzzling Video Clip

Has anyone seen Maroon 5's video clip for "She Will Be Loved"? If you have, do you know what it's supposed to be about? Why does the main singer make out with 2 girls? Which one is the one he's supposed to love? I really like the song but I just don't get what the video clip is about. Can anyone explain?

I don't usually think about video clips but this one has been quite a puzzle.

(And the main singer is hot, but that's beside the point.)

Too Much Free Time For My Mind

Too Much Free Time For My Mind

As I think I've mentioned, I wrote Max an email a while ago but didn't send it. Since then it's been edited more times than I'd like to count. I was waiting until the time I'd really want to send it. I thought today was that time. I opened my email account but then all of a sudden, I got this feeling in my stomach that I just couldn't do it. Didn't want to do it. He didn't deserve it. And neither did I. Why bring up stuff that is best left behind. This is like grasping for straws that are not even there.

As soon as I decided that today wasn't the day and closed my email account, the urge to send it came back again. What have I got to lose.

If I'm going to romanticise about my new notion of being a free spirit and doing whatever I want without thinking too much about the future, this won't hurt, right?

Or is this just sinking too desperately low?

I guess I'm putting off emailing him 'cause I want him to email me. Like last time.

If I don't send it to him, nothing will change, but if I do, at least I have a chance of maybe something interesting happening.

I still can't decide whether I should write him a short casual email or a longer one that's more honest about how I feel about the whole situation. What would get his attention? What would generate the best outcome?

Those are the questions that I can't make up my mind about.

Want of Guy Attention Causes Selective Amnesia

Want of Guy Attention Causes Selective Amnesia

Fabian said something that made me feel quite special (not that he meant it or anything but still). And I completely forgot all the annoying things he did that made me want to stay as far as possible from him. So I went through the archives to remind myself.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Ok, now that I remembered, I'd rather forget all about him.

Going Out With Nadine

Going Out With Nadine

It was Nadine's birthday yesterday so I got a message from her today about going out tomorrow night. Don't think I will because:
1. I didn't get her a present since I didn't think I'd be seeing her.
2. Don't really want to get stalked by weirdos that she attracts when she's drunk and singing on top of her lungs at 3am in the morning. (Refer to this entry.)

It could be fun and all but I don't know...

Invasion of Privacy

Invasion of Privacy

I had the WORST nightmare today!!!

My parents read all my diaries, including this one and basically read everything in my computer folders and found out about Max!! And they weren't even sorry. And all I could remember was April telling me how she puts passwords on everything 'cause her parents would read her stuff otherwise and I was telling her that not only do my parents don't have the time to do that but they respect my privacy (especially my Dad).

I felt totally embarrassed and was the most frustrated and angry with my parents that I've ever been. It was a horrible feeling. I was so glad to wake up!

Life Romance

Life Romance

I'm sooooo happy. And for absolutely no reason at all. If anything, I shouldn't be in a good mood. I had a toothache for all of the weekend and had to go to the dentist who told me I have two wisdom teeth growing (which will be painful for a quite a while) and I had to get a filling. Due to this toothache, I didn't do any uni work.

I think it's the warm weather. Even though I'm a big fan of winter, the feeling of spring always warms me up. Or it could be the haircut that I got. It makes me look so good that at one point I thought, "Ha ha! to all the guys who are not going out with me" which I admit is pretty vain and childish but it felt good.

And after reading 'Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination', I've realised that I've been romanticising the notion of getting married and having kids young too much which made me so upset that I didn't have that. Now I found a better notion to romanticise about - being a free spirit and enjoying different adventures in life that I wouldn't be able to enjoy if I was married with kids. Like travelling. And being only responsible for myself. This is somthing that I can accomplish and can still think as my life not being wasted.

I'm not saying that I will never whine about not having a boyfriend again, but hopefully I'll remind myself of how I feel today and get over my obsession quicker.

Olivia Joules's Rules For Living

Olivia Joules's Rules For Living

"Never panic. Stop, breathe, think."

Ok, I can totally agree with this one.

"No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you."

That's a nice thought but not always true because I think about other people all the time and if they do something embarrassing or stupid and think that everyone has forgotten about it, they can be sure that I, most likely, haven't.

"Never change haircut or colour before an important event."

Doesn't apply to me because I like my hair colour and never want to change it. And it's very hard to go wrong when getting a straight hair trim.

"Nothing is either as bad or as good as it seems."

I thought about this one for a quite a while because that seemed like an interesting observation on life. But then I thought of the September 11 attacks and those people stuck in those buildings. And it really was as bad as it seemed. If not worse. Therefore this rule is not practical.

"Do as you would be done by, e.g., thou shalt not kill."

Well, duh!

"It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like"

What is even better is to buy lots of cheap things that you really like. Of course, not in one go (because that's quite impossible).

"Hardly anything matters: if you get upset, ask yourself, "Does it really matter?"

Does it really matter that I will never get married and never find my perfect job? (I guess not in the long run of human civilisation.)

"The key to success is how you pick yourself up from failure."

The only thing I remember failing was my year 11 half yearly Maths test. I came in the top 6% of my state for uni entrance Maths exam. But then there's my failure of finding my RG and I haven't picked myself up from that...

"Be honest and kind".

I try. Although honesty is not always the best thing in some circumstances. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself.

"Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance".

Interesting thought, although that would limit my choice of clothes.

"Trust your instincts, not your imagination."

That's a very blurred line for me.

"When overwhelmed by disaster, check if it's really a disaster by doing the following:
a) think, "Oh, fuck it,"
b) look on the bright side and, if that doesn't work, look on the funny side.
If neither of the above works then maybe it is a disaster so turn to items 1 and 5.

If I can't think of a bright or funny side to me not having a boyfriend, does that mean it's a disaster? Although.... April and I used to laugh about it quite often...

"Don't expect the world to be safe or life to be fair."

I don't.

"Sometimes you have to go with the flow."

This can either lead to adventure or disappointment.

"Don't regret anything. Remember there wasn't anything else that culd have happened, given who you were and the state of the world at that moment. The only thing you can change is the present, so learn from the past."

Very wise. Although that's an insinuation that everyone has a fate and you can't do anything to change your destiny. And that's quite depressing (unless I get happily married with a great job and lovely kids very soon, in which case, fate can continue doing its job).

Are there any rules you live by?

Popularity and Attraction

Popularity and Attraction

There is the type of people who want to go out with the hot popular guy/girl and then there’s someone like me who goes for the underdog. I’d much rather go out with a guy who no one wants. I want to be the only one who would see how special that person is.

April once said, “Wouldn’t it be great if he could go out with any girl but he chooses you?” and I had to disagree. I don’t want to feel lucky to be ‘chosen’. It seems kinda demeaning to me.

BA

BA

My name is Sky and I'm a bookaholic.

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem so here I am publicly doing so.

I'm not exactly sure when it started. There is a high possibility that I was born with this addiction.

I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I used to be quite proud of it. The fact that my parents used to tell me to stop reading so much should've raised alarm bells that not all was right. (I mean how many parents tell their kids to read less? My point exactly.)

So what changed? What was the breaking point that made me realise this love of books wasn't healthy? What brought me here to the Bookaholic (not so) Anonymous?

Well... today after uni, I decided to go to the library and get some new books to read. I browsed all the shelves grabbing ones that had an appealing cover, interesting blurb and engaging first few paragraphs. Slowly the books piled up so that they started to dig into my arm. But did that make me stop and head for the checkout? Of course it didn't. I wasn't leaving until I looked at every shelf that appealed to me (thankfully, today most of the reference/non-fiction weren't included in that).

So while I'm perusing every book, some man comes up to me and just stands there looking at me. So I turned to see what he wanted. This man smiled and asked, "Are you Andrew's sister?" so I said, "No". Who the hell was Andrew? And then I thought, "It's pretty cool that I'm mistaken for someone else. That never happens 'cause everyone seems to remember me". And he looked perplexed and asked, "Are you sure?" and then it dawned on me. I have a brother; his name is Andrew. I could not believe that I forgotten that 'cause I was so involved in my search for books.

So then I said very embarrassed, "Oh yeah! Sorry, I wasn't thinking." He smiled and I was totally racking my brain who this man could be. One of my brother's teachers? His friend's parent? Then I said in a stuttering manner, "Sorry... I don't... I don't recogise you... Who... who are... who are you?" and he wouldn't answer, he was just smiling which started to annoy me. And then he said, "I saw you when you walked in and you looked very familiar." And then it kinda freaked me out because at that point I was at the library for almost 2 hours. I didn't like the idea that he saw me here for that long and didn't say anything. It was kinda stalkerish in a way.

When he said, "I forgot your name." I remembered who he was. He was my (and my brother's) driving instructor! After I realised this, he asked me how I was doing and I asked him if he was still teaching people to drive. He said yes and then I hoped he would go because I had nothing else to say to him. He read my mind and said that he had to leave. So I said bye and decided to leave too but since he was waiting to get his books checked-out and I didn't want to wait with him, I went and got myself some more books. I literally had to tell myself to put one of the books down and slowly step away before anyone (me, specifically) got hurt. My arm was already aching.

So after I got my books checked out, I had to rearrange the contents of my uni bag so they would all fit. Isn't an addiction something that you have to rearrange your life around? And my uni bag was definitely a part of my life. And a quite useful one at that.

Hopefully, my 'coming out' will encourage others to seek help and join BA. Bookaholics (also referred to as 'nerds' by the Bookhaters Association) are everywhere so know that you're not alone. Even the government recognises us and gets tax payers money to support our addiction by building book institutions, also known as libraries. As an individual, we are just someone with not enough books, but together we are...

I don't know how to finish that sentence so I'm just going to go and read my newly borrowed books.

The Beginning of My Career

The Beginning of My Career

Yesterday I saw my first professional work in print. I was too excited for words. The logo that I've done for my parents' friends' business was printed on their business cards and given out to LOTS of people (including an Australian Ambassador). I know it's just a business card to everyone but to me that was the first record of my future career. And the logo looks pretty cool, even if I do say so myself. I just wish I could redesign the actual card...

Browser Differences

Browser Differences

For some weird reason I can’t post comments from Internet Explorer so I tried Netscape. My blog looks so different in it, I was quite surprised. The text looks smaller and some entries have different font. I wonder how it looks in other browsers…

Baby Love

Baby Love

Today Olivia came over with Allie (my one year old cousin). I, of course, had to look after her while Olivia talked with my Mum.

As all my relatives know, I’m the unofficial family baby-sitter. My brother used to help out before he had to study. (He's really great with kids.) I don’t mind though, I love playing with her. She’s very calm, unlike my other cousin (Jenna).

It was amazing how much throwing a pillow accompanied by a gurgly noise made her laugh. I love seeing babies laugh, it’s the most adorable thing. And after I told her not to throw toys at people because it hurt, she would take a toy, pretend to throw it at herself and shake her head, saying “No”. It was sooo cute.

Oh, and I also taught her the colours white, red and blue. I thought she was a bit too young for that since she can’t even talk but she actually learnt the difference. She was also trying to say stuff but it was all a mass of gibberish but it was cute watching her try to tell me some story.

Nostalgia

Nostalgia

Am I the only one who couldn't care less about Olympics? Sport seems to be a national obsession here in Australia. I have other more interesting things to obsess about. And no, I'm not talking about guys. Yes, really I'm not.

I have a new obsession. It's called cooking. Cooking dessert specifically. And to be even more specific, POBian dessert. I've recently realised how much I love POBian food so I've been browsing POBian cookbooks and recipe sites. The thing I love most about POBian recipes is how I don't have to go and buy any special ingredients. POBian dishes use very basic ingredients so it's easy to make something without going shopping.

It's kinda therapeutic because it takes my mind off things and my family isn't complaining. So it all works out.

I've been feeling a bit nostalgic about POB lately. It's not that I want to go back but I have some affinity to the country. Apparently, Elaine (who's back there now) loved her time in Australia so much that she wants to come back soon. When she was here, I got the feeling that she wanted to go back. I hope I made a contribution to her enjoyable stay when I took her out with my friends.
The last few POBian people that I met I felt like I could connect with them a lot sooner than with other people. Although I didn't really believe this when I was younger but having a similar background with another person makes me feel closer to them. With POBian people, the best side of me comes out. I feel like I totally belong. Even with my closest friends I feel like something's missing. I can't put my finger on it but it just feels that not everything is right. It's hard to explain. I don't have the COMPLETE content feeling. Even though it does feel complete, I know it isn't in comparison to how I feel with POBian people.

I haven't felt like this since I was about 13 and started to miss it. Then my family went there for a holiday and I stopped missing it. And now, that feeling is coming back again.

Chat With Fabian

Chat With Fabian

Does anyone remember Fabian? Well, had a chat with him today. He came to Lauren and me and asked us what we were talking about. So I sarcastically said “You” because what else could we possibly have to talk about. I started getting worried when he started asking us if we missed him but the conversation somehow got back to boring uni stuff so it was ok.

Influences

Influences

I'm so influenced by people, it's getting annoying. Like take, for instance, when we had to write a bit about ourselves. The first thing I did was look at what other people from the previous class wrote and did something very similar. This backfired because my class wrote a completely different thing which made me want to change mine.

Or when writing in shared birthday cards. I always take a little from what is already written and combine them into my message.

It's weird that I get so influenced by little things but will not budge with bigger things that I feel strongly about (eg. no amount of peer pressure will convince me to smoke/do drugs/ believe in God).

Some Pondering

Some Pondering

Finally, I can write an entry that's not rushed like the few previous ones. Now I have time to ponder the deep things in life. Like, what makes someone a good blog writer?

Is it the ability to articulate oneself in interesting ways? A personality? To come up with intelligent and thought provoking ideas? An acute observation of life?

It's probably all of those (and maybe more - there's a limit to how many rhetorical questions I can ask right now).

What brought on this thought? (Oops, I guess I can write more after all.) We've had an interesting discussion of blogs in one of my tutorials today. I was surprised at how many people read them. It's weird to think that someone in my class might've come across this. Don't want to go on a tangent here but I will 'cause I have to mention that a while ago I met a person who read my blog at one point. That person didn't know that I was the author of this blog but I knew that they read it. It's weird to think that I might've also spoken to someone who has a blog and didn't even know it.

Anyway, back to the tutorial discussion. People were saying how polluted the internet was with boring blogs. I don't know why but I took some offence to that as if the person was talking about my blog. Although I do agree that the internet has a lot of rubbish but I really don't think that blogs contribute to that. If you don't like reading a blog, then don't read it. It's that simple. And bloggers usually have some personal attachment to their blogs because it's a record of their thoughts/lives/feelings so saying that someone's thoughts/feelings are polluting the internet is a bit harsh.

I think blogging is a great way to let everyone (who has access to the internet) speak out their opinions and views and reach such a wide audience. And it's also great (really can't think of relevant synonyms to this adjective) to be able to read ordinary people's thoughts on life and other topics. The anonymity of the internet allows people to share their inner-most feelings with us, an opportunity that otherwise we would never have had.

Ok, enough pondering from me. What do you think?

Unexpected Reunions

Unexpected Reunions

I bumped into a lot of people that I haven't seen in ages. Well, they bumped into me 'cause I was walking completely oblivious to anything going on around me.

The first bumpee was Beth. She was a wearing a cotton pale flower tunic (not unlike the one that Homer wore in the episode where he gained weight in order to work from home). Was a bit shocked to see her in it, since her style was always sporty. We hugged, asked how the other one was and left. It was weird.

In my class, there was Silvia (which I knew from last week but I forgot to write about it). Silvia seems to have changed from our high school years. Even though she still has her unique wit, she seems a lot more easy-going and social.

After the class I went to the library to research and had the nicest time. I'm being serious here. This was the first time of my uni life where I had to write a proper essay that involved proper library research. Yes, it's true. I felt like I was truly a part of uni life now. There I saw Kirsten. We didn't really talk.

After 2 hours of library research, I went home. At the train station, while I was sitting on the bench waiting for my train, someone came up to my bench and sat very close to me. I turned my head to see Fran. She's a friend of the girl who got married and had a baby last week. We had a nice chat about how you don't need a uni degree to be happy. And finally someone agrees with me about having kids in early 20s. Fran told me how happy her married friend was. And I felt like crying. How much I wish to be in that girl's shoes (but with a uni education 'cause to me it's important).

Award Ceremony. Guilt. The Grumpy Period.

Award Ceremony. Guilt. The Grumpy Period.

I went to April's house yesterday. Going clubbing with Claudia didn't work out. Long story (which involves Christine being sneaky). Claudia got upset that I wasn't coming because she didn't want to go just with Christine and her friends. Knew exactly how she felt and therefore felt extremely guilty for canceling on her. Promised to go with her next week.

April and I pretended to have an awards ceremony, giving out stupid awards such as "The Most Trivial Conversation With A Guy That We Made A Big Deal Out Of" and we pretended to be different famous (and not famous) personalities. It was a lot of childish fun. We both felt drunk and couldn't stop laughing.

If only she preferred to go out and actually engage in the world than living in her thoughts, then we could have even more fun. She's a fun person to be around with when there aren't people we don't know. If only she was just as fun to go out with. Oh well, everyone's different. Like, Andy would say, "She can't help it, it's just her personality".

Speaking of Andrew, I haven't spoken properly with him for ages. I got mad at him because he made me late for work and blamed it on the traffic. But then my Mum told me that it was because he changed his music lesson. So I got annoyed that he didn't tell me and 'cause he changed it in the first place and made me 20 minutes late twice in a row.

So he got mad at me for being mad at him. Which is stupid. After I got over this, I tried to talk to him but he was always being grumpy. I think it's because it's his final year of high school and he has to study for exams. I remember being grumpy then too and snapping at everyone. So I just leave him alone now. I'm sure it'll blow over soon.

Lecturer Encourages Leaving Things Till The Last Minute

Lecturer Encourages Leaving Things Till The Last Minute

Today, I had a strong urge to organise everything. My room, my uni work... (I feel like I should add more to this list, but if I do, it'd be lies).

I planned what I should do and when, in order to finish all my assignments not only on time, but early. At first I expected this motivation to last until I would actually have to do the work. Sure, writing the timetable might be fun, but sticking to it is another matter.

However, today I've actually done everything that I wanted to and it felt great to have an assignment finished, a number of days before it's due.

But then I get an email from a girl from my class, quoting the lecturer's reply to her question and he basically changed the assignment. Not totally, but enough to make me feel like I should redo it.

So I wasted all of today doing something that wasn't how he wanted it. That is so frustraing. I feel like leaving it the way it is by making plausible reasons how what I did still fits what he said. He said he 'preferred' not to have people do it the way I did it, and we all know when a lecturer says the word 'prefer', everyone would do it that way.

Venting

Venting

It's funny how when I write something about me not having a boyfriend, I get more comments than usual. It better not be out of pity!

You know how when you talk to someone constantly, some things about that person start to irritate you? Well, yesterday I started to get a bit irritated at April. I started to feel that she pulled me down. Not as in "putting me down" but making me feel as if going out and meeting new people was pointless. That started to irk me because I really like meeting new people and going out, and I don't think it's pointless at all. Sure, I also sometimes like to stay in and just hang out with people that I already know but it's nice to have some change in my environment. And it was her attitude that started to annoy me. It's like she doesn't want to even try to have a good time. And that's what I think got to me the most.

Had a really good conversation with Lauren and Sally today. It was a nice change to my conversation with April yesterday. It turned out that Sally met her boyfriend in a chatroom. Deep inside, I suspected it because she is so quiet and I just could never imagine how she could meet her boyfriend in other circumstances. She's quite interesting to talk to though. And funny. I find it very easy to become friends with people who seem very quiet at first but have strong personalities.

When she told me how she met her boyfriend, I reacted in exactly the way that I would hate people to react if I told them that I met my boyfriend on the net. Lauren didn't even bat an eyelash which I thought was pretty cool. Meeting people online doesn't seem as taboo as I think it is. If I met Max when I was 16/17, I would've probably had a boyfriend by now. Oh well.

April's and My New Blog

April's and My New Blog

April and I started an online journal about our guy problems. Don't bother looking for it 'cause it's private and you won't be able to see it. We decided that we might make it public later, to see if there was anyone else like us (which I know there aren't, judging by this blog).

It's fun to have it though and that's all that matters. And the comments become like our online conversations. There was already about 10 comments for one entry and there's only two of us reading it. That's more than I get for this blog.

I guess there'll be less complaining about not having a boyfriend in this blog then.