Bridezilla Alert

Oh my God. I'm starting to morph into a bridezilla. I promised myself I never would. A wedding is not about a wedding, it's about getting married. I never expected to become one because I'm not like that. I really surprised myself.

I think the expectation to have the best day of your life (or whatever) is so high that I want to make sure that everything is set up for it to happen. And it's only once! If it's wrecked, you can never get it back.

See, that thought of thinking is very detrimental to any sort of good time.

Thank you to a reader who kindly reminded me what would make the day happy. It's about finding the person you want to share your life with and not about your hair, makeup etc. Deep down I knew it all along but when you get into all the details (and they are endless) of planning a wedding, it's easy to forget your reason for having it in the first place.

Trials

I was supposed to have my hair and makeup trial today. Felt more like my sanity was on trial.

Months ago (because I'm well organised) I coordinated to have my hair and makeup trials for Saturday morning, 20 October. I thought it would be a good run to see how everything would go on the big day.

A couple of weeks ago, my hairdresser informed me that she's moving salons on the day of my trial and if I could have it on another day. Little did she realise how much she wrecked my well-planned weekends.

I rearranged the reception food tasting with David (since he can't see me on the trial days) and called the makeup artist. Not really surprisingly, she told me she had all her weekends booked out now, except the one Saturday I organised most of our furniture deliveries to come in. I asked if another makeup artist was available since it was a big salon. She said she was the only makeup artist there.

After some stress, I decided to take a day off work to have both the hair and makeup done on the same day so I could see the full effect. I also organised it on the day my Mum was home so she could help me put on my dress and I could see the whole picture.

I was also expecting the washing machine and the locksmith guy to change our locks. Did I mention I managed to fit in visiting our strata manager to get a spare securiy key?

I arrived at the hairdresser early. I showed her a picture of what I wanted:

I wish I could have those curls all the time but at least one day would be wonderful.

She looked at it and said, "Your hair won't look like that. It's too heavy. I will try something similiar". As my hot rollers were cooling down, I realised there was no way I would get to the makeup artist in time. I gave her a call and said, "Hi, I'm supposed to have an appointment with you at 11:30 but..."

"Eleven pm!" she interrupted me. I was like, "What? It's eleven for my wedding day but at eleven thirty for today." Then she got quiet and said not so defensively, "I have it written down as eleven." I knew by her tone she realised she made a mistake. I asked her if it was possible to do it later today. She said she couldn't. Here, I started panicking because I really wanted to see the hair and makeup together (I took a day off work for just this purpose!)

Then she said she'd try calling the other makeup artist to see if she was available. Another one?! She was already starting to sound like a liar. When she called back, this artist couldn't do it any other day after work. There was no way I was taking another day off work for it. I also didn't want to not have a trial.

I got home panicking because with less than five weeks to go, most makeup artists would be booked out!

I called the first one in the local wedding directory I got at a bridal expo. She said she was available so I booked it. I have no idea whether she's any good but at least she comes to wherever you are so that should save time on the wedding day. I'm having the trial this Saturday morning. I will have to wash it off before I see David that night.

Anyway, back to the hair salon. Once she undid the rollers, my hair was nothing like I wanted it to be. It was still straight at the top and only had a few spirally waves (which were dropping in front of my eyes). She used her tongs a bit to sharpen the curls but it still wasn't what I wanted. My curls looked so fake. My hair looked like this:

It looked pretty much the way my hair always does. Nothing dramatically different for people to go, "Wow!"

And now, at 7pm, my hair is already back to straight. So it won't hold all night. My hairdresser said she'll put more product on the day.

I'm already preparing myself that my wedding day will not be perfect because nothing ever is. (I haven't mentioned but I will probably have a 'girl's problem' on that day, possibly giving me headaches, cramps and a general bad mood). So as you can see, I'm not expecting a beautiful stress-free day. I will try to have fun nonetheless.

Wedding Bells

Isn't it weird that quite a few bloggers who I've read for ages now are also getting married?

I guess it's getting to the age where lots of people are deciding to settle down.

Time flies.

Reflection

People who are overly sensitive, insecure, take things too personally, indecisive, unsure, scared, nervous and anxious really annoy me.

I wish I wasn't all of the above.

Lately people tell me, "You are getting too skinny" but not a positive way. Yet, I love the way I am now. They all think it's due to stress. But I know it's because I stopped driving to work, walk a lot more and do the dance class every week. I don't eat much either because I'm freaked out that most things I'm eating are either bad for my skin or for my stomach (which aches regularly). It's putting me off food. At the same time, I have cravings for chocolate and wheat. I'm sick of healthy food. I'm also sick of paying so much attention to what I eat.

And yes, I am stressed. Only I can't complain much because David's too stressed with working, studying and assisting with the unit.

My Mum is being really overbearing too which really stresses me but she doesn't understand. She thinks she's calming me down but she's not. I tried telling her this but she got really defensive and upset.

I also cry too easily. It's always been my biggest weakness. I just can't control my tears when I'm upset. I hate that.

All I want is for David to put his arms around me and acknowledge that my stress is not an overreaction on my part. I want to go to that safe place where he's making me smile and laugh and I don't feel like there are needles in my gut. I want to feel like I have nothing to worry about, that I will always be happy and loved.

Another 10 Minutes

Every ten minutes of my life can be made into a blog entry. As I don't have time to blog every ten minutes, my blog is starting to miss many aspects of my new busy life.

Blogging is best when you have spare time on your hands to think, reflect and analyse. Nowadays, so many things are happening so quickly, I have no time to think, yet alone reflect and analyse. My brain is holding on to a lot of important information that I can't afford to forget. I have never relied on a planner so much. Every week, there's a list of things to be done, people to call, things to organise.

The fact that David is getting into his exam period and cannot contribute as much as I'd like him to, only adds more pressure. Yes, we could've waited till next year (as David can't help but occasionally remind me) but damn it, I just want to have a kid before I'm 24. Don't ask why, this is ingrained into me. I just want to and that's it.

The stupid thing is that now I'm reconsidering waiting till I'm 25 just so we could have a bit more time alone (and so I can have a chance at performing at the annual dance show).

Speaking of dancing, is it possible to love it as much as I do? I have moved on to the second level. The instructor tires everybody out so much, sweat is literally flowing down my face. The good thing is that I noticed that I can actually jog for a bit without my breath quickening. I noticed this while running to the train station. It was like walking. It was such a pleasant surprise.

I'm not going to be able to go to the third level as I will have to go on the honeymoon. I told this to April and she rolled her eyes and said with her usual sarcasm, "How inconvenient".

Even though I'm experiencing 'some' stress, getting so close to the wedding and all, I think deep down I enjoy it. I want to get stressed about things like getting all rsvps on time and picking songs for the reception. It's like it makes me feel normal, because most 'normal' people stress about insignificant things, right?

Like Yours but Better

David and I like to email each other at work.

David's email:
Everyone's teasing me now.

my email:
Why?

David's email:
Pam [his boss] asked what colour hair you had and I said, "Like yours, but nicer" which is true.

It made me smile all day imagining David telling his boss I had nicer hair than her.