Wedding Jitters

Two weeks till I get married. Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The countdown has begun.

I feel so stressed. I'm not even sure exactly why. Most things are coming together but I just wish everything could be done already so I don't have to think about it. Unfortunately that's impossible.

David is so relaxed which is amazing. He's the one who has exams, not me. He said stress doesn't achieve anything and of course I know that! One thing is knowing something and totally another to be able to do it.

Tomorrow is our ceremony rehearsal and I should get to sleep but I feel so restless. Thoughts just won't stop running through my head.

Am I making the right decision? Will I be happy? How can I be certain of anything?

I want to hear over and over again David explaining in detail, illustrating with examples why I will be happy with him. Only in my dreams.

Tonight he was reading jokes from some book to cheer me up and they were all really dumb which only annoyed me.

I'm so touchy these days. I told his Mum she won't be getting a place card as she will be sitting at the main table and she said, "That's discrimination! I want a place card". She was obviously only joking but I wanted to scream, "If you want a place card, make it yourself and sit with the other guests!" Did she even know how time consuming it was to make those cards?!

This is how bad I'm getting.

I'm starting to not even enjoy this process anymore. I should be having fun and being extremely happy but I'm too busy being worried.

I really want to relax a bit before the wedding but I guess any relaxation will have to be postponed to the honeymoon.

David said his perfect wedding would be to go from the ceremony straight to the honeymoon and skip the whole reception bit. Never thought I would say this, but that option is looking very appealing.

I'm also having the hen's night this weekend which doesn't even sink in. It seems like my friends are more excited about it than me. Hope the weather holds up for my outfit. I expected it to be very warm when I got my little dress. Now I might have to wear it with boots but that might make me look too slutty. April said you're supposed to dress slutty to a hen's night. When I showed David the dress, he looked very confused about how it should go on which made me laugh. He's so innocent sometimes.

Too bad my dance classes finished. I lost 3kg doing them which is a lot for me. I can actually fit into size 8 now. I hope I don't put the weight back on in the next week.

I might also mention that I found another makeup artist who will be doing my makeup on the wedding day. It was by luck but the trial went much better than the first one (where I freaked out so much when I saw myself in the mirror that I literally jumped). The second one at least kept my feature the same shape (which I strongly specified). The whole 'professional makeup' experience made me realise that I'm quite capable of doing my own makeup. Also, David kept saying that I didn't need makeup because I had natural beauty which cheered me up enormously. He's so sweet.

And for the biggest news, my grandma and aunty are coming from POB next Monday!!! I'm happy beyond words that they will be at my wedding.

Now, after this long post, I'm actually feeling a lot more relaxed. I forgot about the therapeutic benefits of blogging.

New Members of the Mortgage Club

As of this week, David and I are home owners. Never thought that I would own my own place at the age of 23. It's amazing how a couple of years can change your life.

I remember how I was two and a half years ago - completely hopeless about where my life was going. I couldn't imagine that it would actually be the way I always wanted.

One little bump that we're experiencing on our home buying adventure is that our real estate agent won't give us all the keys. He says he doesn't have one and there's nothing he can do about it! Nothing he can do! It's his responsibility to provide us all the keys, isn't it? It just seems so obvious that I'm not even sure if it's a legal requirement.

I called the agency to speak to his manager (as he's been very unprofessional and irresponsible the entire process) but the receptionist said that he would call back. He hasn't. I also called our solicitor and left a message on his voicemail but had no call back. I just want to know if it's the agency's responsibility to provide us all the keys or not.

It's very frustrating.

In other news, I'm loving my dance class. It's really not enough to do it just once a week. I wish I could practise every day but I've been too busy. My 'friend' from first lesson hasn't shown up since.

This weekend, David and I are painting our new place. April asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her and Ella for hen's night costumes but unfortunately I can't. Also, have to pick up my wedding dress.

Although it seems like most things are organised for the wedding and the unit but there's still so much to do:

- get jewellery
- test reception food
- send dj a song list (i.e. choose songs)
- send photographer a list of required photos
- select ceremony
- finish the last batch of invitations (can you believe I still haven't finished them?!)
- connect to a telephone network
- choose best internet plan
- buy carpet
- buy new stove, oven, washing machine, fridge
- buy blinds

And to top this off, I agreed to do a book club with April and read "Gone With The Wind". I didn't want to say no because I've been neglecting all the things I used to like doing.

Bought myself a new skirt today. It was only $10 (original price was $69) so I couldn't say no. I think it would look nice on our honeymoon.

Honeymoon is such a good reason to buy nice new stuff. Not like I go shopping that often anyway.

I've noticed I've become more grown-up in my shopping too. I actually enjoyed browsing the homewares section. Imagining what cushions I'd buy for our new couch, what rug, what tableware. Ahhh...

Close To Your Body

It's true when they say that planning a wedding is like having a part-time job. There are so many things to organise, some of them not as fun as others. One of the things I've been looking forward to is the honeymoon, not just because I'll get to have an romantic holiday but because finally I have an excuse to buy fancy lingerie.

Unlike buying other wedding stuff, buying sexy underwear is not something you can take your friends or Mum to. (Well, I wouldn't anyway. One shop I went to had teenage girls trying them on together to get each other's opinion while their male friend waited uncomfortably outside the change room. Now that was a bit disturbing.)

I have been randomly looking around to see if I liked anything but I noticed that most pricey lingerie isn't even that different. Most of it looks pretty ordinary.

Last Thursday, while I was waiting for David at the shopping centre, I decided to have a look around the specialty stores. I walked into one small shop and was really happy to find really stylish stuff. (For guys fancy lingerie might be just something that turns them on, but for girls it's almost like buying any other nice clothes, you look for a style to suit your taste and something that would make you look attractive and make you feel confident. It's like any other piece of fashion.)

This shop had stuff that was a little bit different to something you'd wear every day. The best thing was that they weren't even that expensive! They were having a big sale so I got two nice sets for $30 each!

Right now I have to hide them in my wardrobe so my Mum doesn't accidentally find it. She's prone to puting stuff into my wardrobe.

It makes me smile to imagine how David would react when he sees me in my new stuff. Although sometimes I imagine him laughing 'cause he's not used to it. Now that would be embarrassing.

Magic

I have traded my Saturday night and Sunday with David for Harry Potter.

It was my goal to complete the book this weekend before I'm exposed to people spoilng it for me. Unfortunately, I've realised that this challenge was a bit unrealistic as I'm not even half way through. To be honest I've started a little later than planned and did manage to go shopping in the morning.

I got a trendy dress which will look great with my boots. I was a bit indecisive about buying it as it will make me stand out at work. (The majority of my workmates are at least 40 years old and choose conservative comfort over fashion).

I've decided I'm only young once and will regret if I don't take advantage of my youth to be able to wear odd-looking dresses that are in fashion.

Oh, almost forgot. On Friday, David and I put a deposit for our new home!!! We both couldn't quite believe it. I felt weird giving most of my savings away. We celebrated by going to see Harry Potter. I found the movie a bit odd as it reminded me of some arty film with horror aspects, like the eerie music and lighting. Not quite as scary as I imagined when I was reading the book.

My brother bought himself a laptop. We are now chatting to each other on the internet, even though he's in the next room. Weird, the future of technology.

Ok, time to go back and read some more of my magical Harry Potter book.

Fashion on the Other Side of the World

One thing I noticed in POB that I never noticed before was that 80% of young women were tall, skinny, blonde and beautiful. I also noticed that 99% of POBian men werenothing to brag about.

Fashion is a huge thing over there so everybody was really dressed up. What I liked about it was that it wasn't like our baggy trend (e.g. over-sized tops over leggings). Even though they had the leggings trend too, they wore them with nicely-fitted short dresses which for the first time ever made me want to buy a pair.

Although majority of women wore 4 inch heels, no matter where they were going (even the airport), I saw a lot of really comfortable heel shoes which looked really stylish. However, for $300 per pair I had to accept to live without them.

Even jeans were different there. Every pair looked unique. Like the rest of the clothes, they had lots of extra detail that was subtle but looked really good.

It was so much fun just walking around because it felt like being at a fashion show. I was really tempted to get some stuff but then I realised that people here wouldn't understand.

Those Boots Are Made For Me

I've realised that nothing is impossible because I finally bought the black boots that I've wanted for the last few years!

They were not exactly how I imagined them but they looked great and were black, knee-length, comfortable heel and good price.

I also bought wedding shoes. One of the sales assistant wouldn't believe that I was buying them for my wedding. After several times of telling her that they were for my wedding, she looked me straight in the eyes and asked, "Are they really for your wedding?" so I laughed and said, "Well, I'm not lying!"

She said I looked too young to be getting married. When she found out my age, she said, "Twenty-three is not so bad".

It makes me feel happy when people think I'm younger than I really am. That means they can't see any signs of aging that I see when I look in the mirror. (Yes, I know I'm only 23 but I never knew people my age start to get laugh lines around their eyes.)

Can't believe the weekend is almost over. It went by so quickly.

White and Off-white

What's more difficult than buying a wedding dress?

Buying wedding shoes.

I never expected that buying silver shoes (since proper wedding ones are way too expensive) with a comfortable heel would be such a problem. April, Ella and I looked in every shoe store in the city and came up with nothing. There wasn't even anything worth trying on. Firstly, there weren't even that many silver shoes and secondly, all of the ones that were there had a stiletto heel reminiscent of a knitting needle. I don't know how people manage to stand in them, let alone walk.

One shop I went to had ivory shoes. I asked the sales assistant whether they had them in white. The snobby girl looked at me like I was crazy and said, "They are white!" She obviously never shopped for wedding clothes before! It's like wearing a white dress with an ivory veil - the veil would look like it's dirty next to the dress. I told my Mum and she thought that no one would notice if the shoes were white or ivory. I guess she had a point.

I was encouraged by several people to wear flats since noone would see them under the dress anyway but I don't want to be short at my wedding.

While we were looking for my shoes, we also had a look for boots (something you might remember I've been looking for a very long time). I told April that I've been looking for boots before I even met David which would mean that finding the boots I wanted was even harder than finding a husband.

Miss USA

I saw Miss USA and it made me wonder what it's like to look so beautiful to so many people...

Hairy Problem

It weighed on my mind for a while now (i.e. several years) and the upcoming wedding was the push that I needed to get the permanent hair reduction treatment. I have pretty much tried all the methods to remove my thick hair but they have all lead me to even more frustration.

Shaving = harsh stubble in less than a day
Waxing = couldn't do it properly at home since I just don't have the ability to cause myself pain, salon treatments are expensive
Creams = an imaginary treatment. Whoever said it worked?
Epilating = hours wasted, red bumps for at least a day

Laser hair removal was out of the question as it doesn't sound anywhere near safe.

The only option left was the new IPL/SPL treatment going around. The major obstacle that prevented me was the price. At several hundred per session for legs and at least 6 treatments, that adds up to an equivalent of an overseas trip.

Then, the thought of never having to worry whether people would see the tiny black dots on my legs if I wore a skirt for the whole day or being able to go swimming in summer at the spur of the moment... I just couldn't resist that bright future any longer.

Ashley (from uni) was telling us recently how she had her armpits done and how happy she was with the result. There's nothing like hearing a personal experience to encourage me even more.

David tried to talk me out of it, said he didn't care. I told him I wasn't doing it for him. I wanted to do it for me. I explained how extremely inconvenient this whole thing was and that doing it would make that part of my life a whole lot easier. I think he was just worried that it was dangerous.

Last Saturday I had it done. And it hurt a lot more than "almost painless" that they advertised.

The woman said the hair is supposed to fall out in two weeks. I'm not sure if I'm imagining but I see a reduction already. I'm not expecting to be 100% hairfree after all this but I really hope that it will make a significant difference.

Women who don't have this problem are just so lucky. My Mum is one of them. Of course I had to take my Dad's hairy genes. Oh well, c'est la vie. I hope David and my kids take my Mum's genes, otherwise, poor kids (if they're girls).

Hopefully by the end of the year, I can go on my honeymoon without worrying about body hair.

Beautiful

Today I discovered the world of beauty salons.

Only a few years ago, a beauty salon was a foreign place to me. I knew they were around but they were not something that particularly interested me.

However, lately they have passed my ears more than once and caught my attention (especially because of the wedding).

To motivate me even more, I received enough birthday money to treat myself to a facial.

I organised an appointment for this afternoon and went in with a little bit of trepidation at facing the unknown.

Firstly, I filled out a form enquiring about the most personal details (such as whether I was about to have my period and if I blushed easily). Then, a young woman (with not very inspiring skin) looked at my face through some special machine and told me that I had sun damage, oily skin, dehydrated eyes which showed sign of premature ageing.

While I took all that information, feeling quite deflated, she told me that she recommended a 'booster' treatment (only an extra $30, on top of the $79 and $49). I decided that I might as well do it to see if I could get optimal results.

After the inital stage, I was taken into a small room, given a towel with velcro on top and told to change into the 'robe'. When she walked out, I looked at the rectangular material and wondered how anyone could refer to it as a robe. I tied it around my neck to avoid any spillage on my clothes. When she came back, she looked at me strangely and explained that I was supposed take off my shirt and tie the 'robe' under my arms so she could give me a 'decolletage massage', something that I didn't remember as being included in the package.

Not wanting to seem prudish, I did as I was told. There, I had no issues. I lied on the bed and for the next hour, I had many slimy substances rubbed all over my face. The consultant also made sure to drop in, quite early into the session, that I needed to have this done every month for best results. I hoped that was not going to be the excuse for a bad first outcome.

I was also given an eye mask (something I really hoped would improve dark circles under my eyes and fine lines).

After everything was done, I was shown some products to buy. I refused all of them because I didn't want to spend another $130.

I looked at myself in the mirror and my face looked quite difference. Very smooth and shiny.

When David saw me and I asked what he thought, he said he liked my original face better. I was like, "What???? Why???" I told him it was much softer now. He had to agree.

I looked into the mirror again and rather than noticing what I saw before, it looked like my skin was porcelain - glowing a bit like plastic. I actually thought it made me look older.

When I got home and asked for Mum's opinion, she said it looked much clearer. I wasn't convinced.

I think today I noticed that my face looked older. There's almost nothing left of childish features. Oh well, guess I will have to accept this stuff now. At least I found my guy which is more than anything I ever wanted. The thought of David always cheers me up.

Exactly two years ago, I met David. That twist of fate, coincidence, luck or whatever else you want to call it, changed my life forever. Where would I have been if that day never happened? I think nowhere, only more depressed. David thinks I would've went travelling. Who knows.

I asked David if I changed since we've met. He said I dress less conservatively now and am much happier, but just as beautiful. He obviously hasn't changed, sweet talking as ever.

Bridal Dress Shopping

April and I have been looking forward to today longer than I've known my fiance. Shopping for your bridal gown is not something you can do anytime.

It was quite surreal walking into a large bridal store in the City, bustling with brides and their mothers/sisters/friends. I was a bit numb because I had my goal of finding the dress I imagined for myself. April, on the other hand was almost hyperventilating with excitement.

We felt like we weren't really supposed to be there.

We went to the sale section and I told April to look through one side while I searched through the other. I described what I wanted - not strapless, not too huge at the bottom, clear white etc. Since 99% of them were strapless, we went through the hangers quite quickly. Finally when I found one I wanted to try on, I came up to one lady and asked her for an available change room.

The lady looked at me strangely and asked, "Do you have an assistant?" I looked at her blankly. Then she asked, "Do you have an appointment?"

An appointment! I couldn't believe you had to make one to try on a dress! I came up to the counter to add my name to their waiting list. The saleswoman said to come back in one and a half hours!

April and I decided to see the other stores. I added my name to another store's waiting list too.

After walking around the City discussing bridesmaid dresses and other wedding details, we came back to our first appointment.

A middle-aged lady introduced herself and helped me pick some dresses (including strapless 'cause she said straps could be added later).

She also gave me some skirt to put on under the dress. Then she told me to get undressed and she'd come and help me put on the dresses. I didn't like that one bit 'cause I didn't want some stranger seeing me in my underwear and some transparent skirt.

When she came in, she told me to stand backwards to her so she could put on the dress. I guess that wasn't too bad since she could only see me from the back. As the dress fell around me, I was very surprised how heavy it was! I also realised that since the bodice was tied up at the back, it provided enough support not to need the straps.

I was a bit worried to walk out to see myself in the mirror since I didn't want to look bad in front of all the other people eager to see the brides in the gowns.

When I walked out and saw April's face of awe, I looked in the mirror and realised that I didn't have to worry. The dress made me look beautiful.

The assistant got me to walk onto a podium in front of the large mirror. I didn't notice ealier how long the train was (no wonder it was so heavy). I couldn't believe how I looked in a wedding dress. Like the whole thing was a dream. The wide grin on April's face only added to my happiness.

The next dress I tried on was just as wonderful. The only problem was that it was even heavier than the first and a little tight (not that anyone would notice since it looked like it fitted well). I wasn't ready to compromise my comfort for beauty. I mean, I wouldn't even be able to dance in it! That was just not an option.

The big bonus was that they were all around $1000 (which as it turns out is quite good). The sale items were available off the rack, unlike the others which had to be ordered 6 months ahead!

April got offended when the lady told us that the dresses on the other side were out of my range. April said she had no right to assume how much money we had. She said it reminded her of the scene in Pretty Woman.

The next store was not as successful. Even though the dresses were lighter and more comfortable they just didn't sit as well.

We left the shops with a feeling of exhiliration. April said all the stores were just like in the movies, with the waiting areas, dress portfolios sprawled on coffee tables and ordinary women coming out of the change rooms as princesses.

I can't wait to go on and try on some more!

The Case of the 'Right' Bra

Shopping for bras is not my favourite activity. Especially when I need those every day ones, not the cute pretty ones ('cause shopping for those is a lot more fun).

The reason for my distaste for such activity is that I find it nearly impossible to find ones that are comfortable and 'effective' (girls, you know what I mean). It's almost the same as trying to find a pair of great jeans.

A couple of years ago, I've stumbled on what can only be said as singly the best bra ever (for me). And for $10!!! I think it might've been even a bit less. I cannot even describe my satisfaction at how perfectly it fitted me and how great it looked under clothes, while looking good without them too. Anyway, don't want to go into the details of that.

Being the wise 18/19 year old (however old I was at that point), I've brought four (all they had in the store at the time), having read in some column how quickly the styles of bras changed, making it impossible to get your hands on a new version of the style you've grown to love.

Now, after about 3 years, I'm almost up to my last new bra of that style and I'm getting a little anxious as I found out after emailing the maker (yes, that's how desperate I got) that the style has been out of stores for a couple of years now and was suggested to look for other styles to suit my taste! A man wrote that. He obviously doesn't understand the pain of trying to find a perfect bra.

I've started looking in stores for other ones but nothing even comes close to the one I already have. Sure, there are some 'ok' ones but I don't want them. I just don't like them.

Times like these I wish I was a guy. Or with magical breasts that fitted perfectly into every bra.

Useless Shoes Dilemma

Today at lunch, at the shopping centre, I was internally debating the merits of having green shoes.

Recently something hit me that made me want to buy yellow shoes to match a yellow top (something I don't have). I imagined myself in this bright summery look for a couple of weeks now.

Then today, at Sportsgirl, I saw really nice bright green shoes. I thought to myself that green might also look well with jeans and a green top (something I do have).

The problem with highly saturated coloured shoes is that you have to wear something of the exact same shade of colour. I mean, bright green shoes will not look good with a pale green top.

I only have one bright green top that would go with those shoes so it seems like a waste of money to buy shoes which I could only wear with one top.

As I was standing there, I thought what I'm sure lots of other people think when they want to buy something that's not really necessary, "Do I really need them?" Of course I don't. But, "Will I regret not buying them?" and enjoying this stage of my life when I can be a victim of fashion and not look ridiculous? I mean, will I regret not enjoying fashion as a young woman, when I turn 40?

Those questions were followed by "Do I want to spend almost $100 on shoes I probably won't be able to wear in a few months when they go out of fashion?", "I'm sure I can find something that I could wear for longer for that much money".

I left the shopping centre without those shoes, but now I'm thinking, "Would the same style in red be better to buy?"

Forgotten Pain

I think that getting pregnant for the second time is like deciding to walk in really uncomfortable shoes again.

You just forget how much pain they were in the first place and think that it couldn't have been that bad. That is, until you walk to the shops during lunch time and can barely stand to go back.

The shoes that I'm talking about are the ones I had a crush on. And I still freaking do. I always want to wear them because I just love how they look.

I don't understand how some women wear high heels every day! Is the skin on their feet like metal?

Anyway, back to my flat shoes next week. My lovely ones are going back in the closet. Well, until I forget about the pain again.

Good Friday

I love Fridays. My day at the temp job went SO quickly. First time I looked at the clock, it was 11:30am and the next time it was 3pm. At my permanent job, I look at the clock every 20 minutes, at least.

The Director gave me some good news. She said she could easily fit me into the budget so it might even be possible to create a position just for me! If that can't happen, I can continue working through the agency. Either way I don't care. Sure, I won't be getting sick leave or holidays but my higher hourly rate would cover that.

I have new hope about my career again.

From today, I've started to lead a project. Feels weird to be 'the expert' as they call me and to tell people (managers!) what to do. The bad thing is that since they've liked my previous work, they expect something amazing with this project. Unfortunately I don't have as much experience in multimedia as I do with graphic/web design. It's still more than what the others know. And also, they said they don't want to pay $20 000 to an agency for something that's not too important. They think we can get a good outcome with me co-ordinating and the other people doing the work.

I'm happy I came up with a good concept for this though. Now it's a matter of collecting media and putting it all together.

Even though it's scary, it's exciting and fun at the same time.

The Director also told me we got short-listed for an award for which I designed the submission (in one day). I'm sure the fact that we got short-listed had nothing to do with the way our application was presented but it feels good to have been a part of it.

Yesterday, I went shopping with Mum. I didn't feel like it but I thought it'd be good exercise. Since I realised that I probably would not find any boots this winter, I bought myself something I didn't need. Isn't it always the case that when you don't need anything, there are heaps of stuff you like but when you urgently need some piece of clothing for some event, you can't find anything?

Anyway, I got this boho looking dress, something I always wanted but couldn't find one that suited me. This one made me look skinny and pretty and it was cheap! Only $60 (very good for a dress - for any males who might not know).

It's very rare when I try something on and think, "Wow, I look good". So I had to get it. Especially since I have someone to appreciate it.

One problem, I don't have anywhere to wear it to at the moment. It would look really good with boots but I don't have any.

Visited my grandparents after work. Made them happy.

Will have a quiet night. David wants to study and then watch soccer. He asked if I wanted to watch it with him. I wouldn't have minded if it wasn't so late.

He called me at almost midnight yesterday. I was getting really worried that he wasn't home that late and wasn't answering his phone. I forgot he told me he was working. I couldn't even go to sleep 'cause I kept imagining bad scenarios. Was glad there was all a perfect explanation. He wanted to talk but I was too tired.

He's been a little stressed lately. It always happens before exam time. And when he's worried about one thing, he starts feeling bad about others (more serious things). I do my job in telling him not to worry and that everything will be fine. It's amazing that just my confidence that everything will turn out is enough for him. He says he always feels better after talking to me.

Can't wait till July when we go on our weekend trip.

In Search of the 'Right' Boot

Looking for the boots I want has been a lot like looking for the 'right' guy.

I have a very clear picture of them in my mind but no matter how many shops I go to, I just can't find what I imagine in my head.

Of course boots are not as necessary as the 'right' guy but I soooo want them!

They have to be knee-length (and not shorter or longer) black (since I already have brown), nice round toe (not pointy or squared), not synthetic (because that makes your legs sweat) or suede (because my brown ones have that material and I don't want the same), nice heel (not too high, not too low, not too thick, not too sharp, not wedged, not weird). Then I prefer this specific pattern at the front that some boots have (the front material extends into the front of the boot) which makes your legs look longer. Also, no cowboy boots. I want something elegant, yet funky, can be casual, can be sexy. Did I mention comfortable? And under $200, preferably under $150, more preferably in the $70-$100 range.

Do you think I have more criteria on that list than I had for RG?

Like I used to think about RG, I doubt my perfect boots exist. Although when I was in America I found something very very close. I was about to get them when I noticed they weren't in perfect condition because they were the last pair in stock and so I didn't get them. I probably could've lived with the small scratch.

Every time I walk into a store (even if I've already been there), I get this spark of hope that this will be the time I find them. And as always, I'm disappointed.

Since I've pretty much given up trying, I look at anything that might even be a little similar. Something outside of what I imagined. Who knows, I might not even know how fantastic some boots could look on me if I don't even give them a chance, right? So I gave some cowboy looking ones a go. They were too short. I asked to try on some drooping ones but they ran out of my size.

So here I am, still hoping that one day I will find the boots that will make me happy. Hopefully by the end of this winter.

The Shoe Crush

I never understood how some women have a thing for shoes.

I mean what's so special about footwear? Why doesn't anyone have a thing for jackets or pants?

Anyway, on Thursday night, I got these pair of shoes that I love so much that at work (yesterday) every time I got a glance of them, I thought, "Oooo, nice!"

They were also the cheapest shoes I've ever bought! I thought they were $40 but they turned out to be on sale for $23.

I guess they're cheap because of the quality. But they look absolutely cool. Very cute, remind me of the 1940s, sexy and with a lot of style (from an artistic point of view).

I never loved shoes that much.

Thursday - Surprise!

In the morning I called the girl from my temp work to say good-bye and thank her for making the job so much easier and fun. She congratulated me on finding a job but said she was really upset that I wasn't coming on Friday because she was going to get me flowers! How sweet is that! I told her I wished I could take her (and the other girl) to my new job. I'm going to really miss them. Hopefully we can stay in touch.

I spent most of the rest of my day trying to find work clothes. In the morning I thought I'd quickly drop into the nearest Westfield for an hour or so and just go to a couple of cheap stores. Of course when I got there, I couldn't resist going into almost every single store that could have something I was looking for. However, being the picky person that I am, I only got two tops, hollywood tape (something I've always wanted to try) and foot petals (pads for shoes to prevent blisters). The last thing was quite necessary because hopefully they would alleviate the phobia of the pain of wearing nice work shoes.

I don't even want to go complaining about the pain of wearing (especially walking in) hard shoes with heels every day, but I will anyway. Sure they look good, but when your feet get sore and tired, you stop caring about their visual appeal. I also can't accept wearing those sheer socks (to go with those shoes). I was whinging to my Mum about this and she just said, "You're such a child!" I really don't see how my practicality is immature.

Got home with a headache so felt sleepy at around 8:30. Didn't want to go to sleep until calling David though because it was our 5 months anniversary and I wanted to talk to him. Thursdays he gets home at around 8:30/9:00 so I was going to wait till nine to call him and go to bed. Especially that I had to wake up early on Friday to go to work. At a little before nine, David messaged me to tell me that he was going to call me at 9:30. His message reminded me of how on Wednesday he told me he was planning on surprising me by telling me he was going to call at 7 but actually coming to my house instead, and then he regretted saying it 'cause he thought now I'd expect it.

So after getting his message on Thursday, I thought that there was no way he was going to come to my house straight after uni and so late. At around 9:30pm (when I changed into my pyjamas and was ready to go to sleep 'cause my headache got worse), I got a call from him. From right outside my house!

It took me a few minutes to realise where he was calling from. Then when he said he was at my house I wouldn't believe him, until I heard someone talking outside my window. It was weird, I got embarrassed that all the neighbours would hear him. Reminded me of one of those movies where a guy makes a fool out of himself in front of lots of people to show how much he likes a girl. Even though when I watched these movies, I'd always think, "Ohh, that's so sweet", since Thursday I've been thinking how embarrassing it was. I didn't want the neighbours hearing David in front of my house saying, "It's a beautiful night, don't you think?" (Ok, so maybe it's not that bad.)

He must've felt a little disappointed when I said I had a headache and couldn't wait to go to sleep. How was I supposed to know he was already here!

He came in and we chatted for about half an hour. I felt so bad that it would take longer for him just to get here and back, then actually stay here. He said it was worth it.

When my Mum saw him, she thought something was wrong because it was so unexpected of him to come and my parents are not used to such acts of spontaneity. But neither am I. Can't say I didn't love seeing him before going to sleep.

Friday - Dream Come True

The great thing about this time of year is that it's not so hard waking up early. I was just as nervous going to my first day at work as I was going to the interview. I didn't want to disappoint them and make them regret hiring me. I was also worried that it was going to be really full on as they warned me.

So I was pleasantly surprised that it was very relaxed. First they got me to talk to the publisher who was a bit suspicious of me at first, but warmed up after I told her I shared her interest in paper dolls and was interested in publishing. She told me she'll have plenty for me to help her out with. Great, I get to have some experience in publishing too! I did a few little jobs helping out which were pretty easy. Then I helped the director with his presentation and did a very simple graphic for him which everyone was really impressed with (since they didn't realise how easy it was to make). (Sally told me earlier this week never to tell anyone how easy something was, let them appreciate you, which I thought was very good advice.)

The office manager (who I thought was around my age but turned out to be in her late 20s) took me to lunch which was great. She wasn't as interesting to chat to as the girl from my last temp job but it was good to have someone to talk with. She told me her ex was from the same country as David and asked me if he let me go out without him. How offensive, I wouldn't let a guy tell me what to do.

After lunch the director left so the rest of us (office manager, publisher and salesperson) were chatting. Even though we were all different ages, it was easy to take part in the conversation. Everyone was very friendly and had nice senses of humour.

Wish I could retell more specific anecdotes of what happened but can't take the risk of anyone there recognising me.

The highlight of my day (other than impressing everyone with my work and being told that I was going to a conference with the director and the publisher, without anyone else) was when I saw my email footer (something I never got at temp jobs) and it had my name and underneath it said, "Marketing Coordinator". Yay, I have a title!

Since I was the youngest and least experienced, I felt like I was below the other people but I guess I should at least act like I have an important role, because in reality I do.

After work, David called to tell me he was going to meet me and my friends later tonight 'cause he was going to go out with Miguel (since he was moving overseas). After I told him how much I loved my first day at work, he said he could tell I was a lot happier and it was rubbing on him and making him feel excited too.

When I got home I told Andy how excellent my day was and he teased me, "Why? Did you meet a guy? Oh wait, you have a boyfriend."

Met up with Claudia and Mike at 10:30pm and joined them in waiting for Amelia. She was supposed to call us when she got to the city. Claudia and Mike were so cute together and it was great to talk to them. After waiting for half an hour, Amelia still didn't call so Claudia rang her to see where she was. No answer. We messaged her to tell her to meet us at the club. Then we met David and went to our planned destination. It was such a couply night, like a double date. Amelia would've felt left out. The music was pretty good so we danced till early hours in the morning. Still no contact from Amelia which started to really worry us. I mean, what could've happened to prevent her from letting us know where she was.

After David and I said good-bye to Claudia and Mike, we went to his car, where he looked at me and said he loved me. Clearly. There was no mistake about it. And I was so happy I've decided I felt the same beforehand so I said, "Me too". It was perfect.

When we got to my house, he said, "Did I tell you how pretty you are tonight?" so I told him, "Yes, twice" and he said, "Oh... You're just so perfect". Of course I know that I'm not but I chose to believe that he thought I was.

Every time something so wonderful happens, I think of my old single self and get excited for my old self that this is what I'll be getting in the future (i.e. now) and that that pain of loneliness will not be forever. And the fact that I am in this future now makes me so much happier.

Today - More Good News?

I called my naturopath today to see if she has received my results for the metal toxicity test and whether I should restock on my old medication or wait for her plan of action. She told me she had the results and there was some good news. It was obvious from the results what was wrong and she just wanted to call the place (that sent them) to see how the problem can be fixed.

I don't want to start getting excited about the possibility of curing my urticaria because even if she found the cause of it, there might not be a solution. But it's hard. The thought of being in normal health again is too exciting.

Preparation Time

It is always the case that after weeks of no parties, there's two to go to in one night.

One of them required dressing up which is fun once in a while, but takes longer to get ready. I started early, in case something went wrong. And of course it did. I ripped my good stockings after taking extra care putting them on. It's at the moment I wished I could turn back time to the previous few seconds when I wouldn't decide to adjust them.

Then, since I got dressed with heaps of time left, I decided to polish one of my rings that was starting to look a little on the rusty side. I thought I'd just quickly do it in my room, totally forgetting that the liquid wasn't as thick as I remembered last and tipping the bottle far enough to splash all over my wallet, desk, chair and my skirt. I tried to calm myself down because there was still 30 minutes left till David was supposed to come (and I wasn't expecting him on time since he finished work late). My Mum helped me clean my wallet and skirt. I was worried that the stain on the skirt would still be visible after it dried (in front of the heater).

While the skirt was drying, I decided to quickly have dinner but I didn't realise how hot it was and burnt my tongue. Then, when I went to find another wallet to put my money in (since the cleaned one still smelled of that liquid), I heard someone walk up to our house and ring the doorbell. I hoped that it wasn't David because it was still 20 minutes before he was supposed to arrive, but of course it was him. I quickly grabbed my skirt (which fortunately dried to its original condition) and ran to my room. I heard my Dad open the door for him and as soon as I put on my clothes, I quickly went to the lounge room where my Dad was talking to him.

I so wanted to impress him with how I looked but I was so flustered, it didn't work. For once I was dressed nicely and was expecting some comment but disappointingly didn't get one.

I got my Mum to feed him dinner while I finished getting ready. I could hear them all talking in the kitchen while I was in my room. Wished I could listen to their conversation.

Lesson learnt: don't get ready too early because there will be something else to do that has a risk of going wrong and wasting more time trying to fix it.

But the good thing is that now David won't be so shy around my family since he now knows how easy-going they are.

Looks Better

After yesterday's persistent calling of recruitment agencies to at least get some temp work which ended quite unsuccessfully, I walked over half an hour each way to get my homoepathic medication. Even though I'm not a fan of exercise, I have to say that it really made me feel better. I guess not the physical act of walking but the satisfaction that I did something for my health (and beauty because doing things just for health isn't as much fun).

Since today I didn't have any purpose to walk, I decided to go to the City and check out all the sales. Shopping is one of my favourite forms of exercise. I felt a bit guilty going since I'm unemployed but my Mum (not being like regular Mums) said that when I do become employed, I won't have time to go shopping and by then there won't be any big sales so I'll end up wasting more money. Talk about putting a positive spin. She even offered me money which I refused because I'm 21. I wonder why I always have guilt when buying things (I could do without) when all my life my Mum encouraged me to buy things.

Bought a warm jacket since I only have one other one and it's not very flattering. Also, got a cute top. Finally I have a guy to appreciate what I wear. Well, not the specific clothes, but how I look in them. Unlike my friends who would notice the actual items. And I know this is all very superficial but it feels great to have someone to find you attractive. Must make the most of it. Even felt like buying some cute underwear (the colourful kind with extra details that's not worth buying if no one sees it), but decided that was unnecessary at the moment.

A while ago, David sent me his photos from his party and of course I showed my family (since they only saw the one he originally gave me). Mum said he looked ok and my brother said he looked chubby (which he definitely isn't). It made me realise that I'm probably the only one who finds him as attractive as I do. It's amazing how much better a person looks when you like them so much. I'm pretty sure I found him quite average when I met him, but the more I got to know him and the more I grew to like him, the better he seemed in my eyes. And now I find him totally gorgeous and can't see how no one else can see it. Our minds can play incredible tricks on our eyes.