Hen's Night

This time next week I will be getting ready to cross over to the other side. The married side, that is.

Last week has been so busy I didn't get a chance to blog about my Hen's night. I have to leave in 30 minutes so I'll quickly do it now.

It was almost everything I wanted my Hen's night to be. By 'almost' I mean that there was something missing. I'm not sure what. I had such a great time anyway. All my close friends came. There were 12 of us altogether. We were really dressed up for our theme and the photos turned out great.

We ate, talked, danced and even saw a couple of strippers that were organised for the other hen's/buck's night at the same place. I found the whole thing quite disgusting because I couldn't stop thinking what these people's partners would think. But hey, they probably got their own.

I must've been really naive but I thought a stripper just does a dance while taking his/her clothes off. The male strippers were actually touching the women and almost simulating sex. It was gross. The guy from the buck's night got two girl strippers who touched not only him but each other and got completely naked at the end.

When I told David about it, he got annoyed at me for going to that place. How was I supposed to know people from the other groups would get them! Not like I intentionally organised it!

Nadine said that she would only marry Dean if she could have the hot fireman stripper for her hen's night. She also divulged too much information when she said that girls can kiss better than guys and not to diss it till you try it. She also completely freaked out my conservative uni friends.

My other school friend, Beth got up on stage in front of everybody to dance the macarena. All other peope at the place followed her. The guys from the buck's night thought she was the one getting married. She and Nadine got chatted up by 50 year olds from the buck's night. It was really disgusting. When they tried to make conversation with me - "Come on, dance with me!" I ignored them completely.

April looked absolutely beautiful with Amelia's makeup. I seriously considered asking Amelia to do my wedding day makeup. I guess it helps to have amazing skin. She also had her hair done in beautiful waves, the way she will for my wedding.

Everyone commented how I lost a lot of weight which was emphasised by my tight dress. It felt so good to be able to wear it and not worry about any uneven bits coming through. I love the dance class I went to. I wish I could keep going so I could keep my current shape.

I can't believe my hen's night is in the past now, after looking forward to it for so long. Now I'm looking forward to the wedding!

Wedding Jitters

Two weeks till I get married. Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The countdown has begun.

I feel so stressed. I'm not even sure exactly why. Most things are coming together but I just wish everything could be done already so I don't have to think about it. Unfortunately that's impossible.

David is so relaxed which is amazing. He's the one who has exams, not me. He said stress doesn't achieve anything and of course I know that! One thing is knowing something and totally another to be able to do it.

Tomorrow is our ceremony rehearsal and I should get to sleep but I feel so restless. Thoughts just won't stop running through my head.

Am I making the right decision? Will I be happy? How can I be certain of anything?

I want to hear over and over again David explaining in detail, illustrating with examples why I will be happy with him. Only in my dreams.

Tonight he was reading jokes from some book to cheer me up and they were all really dumb which only annoyed me.

I'm so touchy these days. I told his Mum she won't be getting a place card as she will be sitting at the main table and she said, "That's discrimination! I want a place card". She was obviously only joking but I wanted to scream, "If you want a place card, make it yourself and sit with the other guests!" Did she even know how time consuming it was to make those cards?!

This is how bad I'm getting.

I'm starting to not even enjoy this process anymore. I should be having fun and being extremely happy but I'm too busy being worried.

I really want to relax a bit before the wedding but I guess any relaxation will have to be postponed to the honeymoon.

David said his perfect wedding would be to go from the ceremony straight to the honeymoon and skip the whole reception bit. Never thought I would say this, but that option is looking very appealing.

I'm also having the hen's night this weekend which doesn't even sink in. It seems like my friends are more excited about it than me. Hope the weather holds up for my outfit. I expected it to be very warm when I got my little dress. Now I might have to wear it with boots but that might make me look too slutty. April said you're supposed to dress slutty to a hen's night. When I showed David the dress, he looked very confused about how it should go on which made me laugh. He's so innocent sometimes.

Too bad my dance classes finished. I lost 3kg doing them which is a lot for me. I can actually fit into size 8 now. I hope I don't put the weight back on in the next week.

I might also mention that I found another makeup artist who will be doing my makeup on the wedding day. It was by luck but the trial went much better than the first one (where I freaked out so much when I saw myself in the mirror that I literally jumped). The second one at least kept my feature the same shape (which I strongly specified). The whole 'professional makeup' experience made me realise that I'm quite capable of doing my own makeup. Also, David kept saying that I didn't need makeup because I had natural beauty which cheered me up enormously. He's so sweet.

And for the biggest news, my grandma and aunty are coming from POB next Monday!!! I'm happy beyond words that they will be at my wedding.

Now, after this long post, I'm actually feeling a lot more relaxed. I forgot about the therapeutic benefits of blogging.

Bridezilla Alert

Oh my God. I'm starting to morph into a bridezilla. I promised myself I never would. A wedding is not about a wedding, it's about getting married. I never expected to become one because I'm not like that. I really surprised myself.

I think the expectation to have the best day of your life (or whatever) is so high that I want to make sure that everything is set up for it to happen. And it's only once! If it's wrecked, you can never get it back.

See, that thought of thinking is very detrimental to any sort of good time.

Thank you to a reader who kindly reminded me what would make the day happy. It's about finding the person you want to share your life with and not about your hair, makeup etc. Deep down I knew it all along but when you get into all the details (and they are endless) of planning a wedding, it's easy to forget your reason for having it in the first place.

Trials

I was supposed to have my hair and makeup trial today. Felt more like my sanity was on trial.

Months ago (because I'm well organised) I coordinated to have my hair and makeup trials for Saturday morning, 20 October. I thought it would be a good run to see how everything would go on the big day.

A couple of weeks ago, my hairdresser informed me that she's moving salons on the day of my trial and if I could have it on another day. Little did she realise how much she wrecked my well-planned weekends.

I rearranged the reception food tasting with David (since he can't see me on the trial days) and called the makeup artist. Not really surprisingly, she told me she had all her weekends booked out now, except the one Saturday I organised most of our furniture deliveries to come in. I asked if another makeup artist was available since it was a big salon. She said she was the only makeup artist there.

After some stress, I decided to take a day off work to have both the hair and makeup done on the same day so I could see the full effect. I also organised it on the day my Mum was home so she could help me put on my dress and I could see the whole picture.

I was also expecting the washing machine and the locksmith guy to change our locks. Did I mention I managed to fit in visiting our strata manager to get a spare securiy key?

I arrived at the hairdresser early. I showed her a picture of what I wanted:

I wish I could have those curls all the time but at least one day would be wonderful.

She looked at it and said, "Your hair won't look like that. It's too heavy. I will try something similiar". As my hot rollers were cooling down, I realised there was no way I would get to the makeup artist in time. I gave her a call and said, "Hi, I'm supposed to have an appointment with you at 11:30 but..."

"Eleven pm!" she interrupted me. I was like, "What? It's eleven for my wedding day but at eleven thirty for today." Then she got quiet and said not so defensively, "I have it written down as eleven." I knew by her tone she realised she made a mistake. I asked her if it was possible to do it later today. She said she couldn't. Here, I started panicking because I really wanted to see the hair and makeup together (I took a day off work for just this purpose!)

Then she said she'd try calling the other makeup artist to see if she was available. Another one?! She was already starting to sound like a liar. When she called back, this artist couldn't do it any other day after work. There was no way I was taking another day off work for it. I also didn't want to not have a trial.

I got home panicking because with less than five weeks to go, most makeup artists would be booked out!

I called the first one in the local wedding directory I got at a bridal expo. She said she was available so I booked it. I have no idea whether she's any good but at least she comes to wherever you are so that should save time on the wedding day. I'm having the trial this Saturday morning. I will have to wash it off before I see David that night.

Anyway, back to the hair salon. Once she undid the rollers, my hair was nothing like I wanted it to be. It was still straight at the top and only had a few spirally waves (which were dropping in front of my eyes). She used her tongs a bit to sharpen the curls but it still wasn't what I wanted. My curls looked so fake. My hair looked like this:

It looked pretty much the way my hair always does. Nothing dramatically different for people to go, "Wow!"

And now, at 7pm, my hair is already back to straight. So it won't hold all night. My hairdresser said she'll put more product on the day.

I'm already preparing myself that my wedding day will not be perfect because nothing ever is. (I haven't mentioned but I will probably have a 'girl's problem' on that day, possibly giving me headaches, cramps and a general bad mood). So as you can see, I'm not expecting a beautiful stress-free day. I will try to have fun nonetheless.

Wedding Bells

Isn't it weird that quite a few bloggers who I've read for ages now are also getting married?

I guess it's getting to the age where lots of people are deciding to settle down.

Time flies.

Reflection

People who are overly sensitive, insecure, take things too personally, indecisive, unsure, scared, nervous and anxious really annoy me.

I wish I wasn't all of the above.

Lately people tell me, "You are getting too skinny" but not a positive way. Yet, I love the way I am now. They all think it's due to stress. But I know it's because I stopped driving to work, walk a lot more and do the dance class every week. I don't eat much either because I'm freaked out that most things I'm eating are either bad for my skin or for my stomach (which aches regularly). It's putting me off food. At the same time, I have cravings for chocolate and wheat. I'm sick of healthy food. I'm also sick of paying so much attention to what I eat.

And yes, I am stressed. Only I can't complain much because David's too stressed with working, studying and assisting with the unit.

My Mum is being really overbearing too which really stresses me but she doesn't understand. She thinks she's calming me down but she's not. I tried telling her this but she got really defensive and upset.

I also cry too easily. It's always been my biggest weakness. I just can't control my tears when I'm upset. I hate that.

All I want is for David to put his arms around me and acknowledge that my stress is not an overreaction on my part. I want to go to that safe place where he's making me smile and laugh and I don't feel like there are needles in my gut. I want to feel like I have nothing to worry about, that I will always be happy and loved.

Another 10 Minutes

Every ten minutes of my life can be made into a blog entry. As I don't have time to blog every ten minutes, my blog is starting to miss many aspects of my new busy life.

Blogging is best when you have spare time on your hands to think, reflect and analyse. Nowadays, so many things are happening so quickly, I have no time to think, yet alone reflect and analyse. My brain is holding on to a lot of important information that I can't afford to forget. I have never relied on a planner so much. Every week, there's a list of things to be done, people to call, things to organise.

The fact that David is getting into his exam period and cannot contribute as much as I'd like him to, only adds more pressure. Yes, we could've waited till next year (as David can't help but occasionally remind me) but damn it, I just want to have a kid before I'm 24. Don't ask why, this is ingrained into me. I just want to and that's it.

The stupid thing is that now I'm reconsidering waiting till I'm 25 just so we could have a bit more time alone (and so I can have a chance at performing at the annual dance show).

Speaking of dancing, is it possible to love it as much as I do? I have moved on to the second level. The instructor tires everybody out so much, sweat is literally flowing down my face. The good thing is that I noticed that I can actually jog for a bit without my breath quickening. I noticed this while running to the train station. It was like walking. It was such a pleasant surprise.

I'm not going to be able to go to the third level as I will have to go on the honeymoon. I told this to April and she rolled her eyes and said with her usual sarcasm, "How inconvenient".

Even though I'm experiencing 'some' stress, getting so close to the wedding and all, I think deep down I enjoy it. I want to get stressed about things like getting all rsvps on time and picking songs for the reception. It's like it makes me feel normal, because most 'normal' people stress about insignificant things, right?

New Members of the Mortgage Club

As of this week, David and I are home owners. Never thought that I would own my own place at the age of 23. It's amazing how a couple of years can change your life.

I remember how I was two and a half years ago - completely hopeless about where my life was going. I couldn't imagine that it would actually be the way I always wanted.

One little bump that we're experiencing on our home buying adventure is that our real estate agent won't give us all the keys. He says he doesn't have one and there's nothing he can do about it! Nothing he can do! It's his responsibility to provide us all the keys, isn't it? It just seems so obvious that I'm not even sure if it's a legal requirement.

I called the agency to speak to his manager (as he's been very unprofessional and irresponsible the entire process) but the receptionist said that he would call back. He hasn't. I also called our solicitor and left a message on his voicemail but had no call back. I just want to know if it's the agency's responsibility to provide us all the keys or not.

It's very frustrating.

In other news, I'm loving my dance class. It's really not enough to do it just once a week. I wish I could practise every day but I've been too busy. My 'friend' from first lesson hasn't shown up since.

This weekend, David and I are painting our new place. April asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her and Ella for hen's night costumes but unfortunately I can't. Also, have to pick up my wedding dress.

Although it seems like most things are organised for the wedding and the unit but there's still so much to do:

- get jewellery
- test reception food
- send dj a song list (i.e. choose songs)
- send photographer a list of required photos
- select ceremony
- finish the last batch of invitations (can you believe I still haven't finished them?!)
- connect to a telephone network
- choose best internet plan
- buy carpet
- buy new stove, oven, washing machine, fridge
- buy blinds

And to top this off, I agreed to do a book club with April and read "Gone With The Wind". I didn't want to say no because I've been neglecting all the things I used to like doing.

Bought myself a new skirt today. It was only $10 (original price was $69) so I couldn't say no. I think it would look nice on our honeymoon.

Honeymoon is such a good reason to buy nice new stuff. Not like I go shopping that often anyway.

I've noticed I've become more grown-up in my shopping too. I actually enjoyed browsing the homewares section. Imagining what cushions I'd buy for our new couch, what rug, what tableware. Ahhh...

Sweet Life

David and I ordered our wedding cake on the weekend.

The place looked like a museum. Each cake was a piece of artwork. They offered us some samples which sealed the deal. We're going to have the yummiest cake, which will hopefully look great too.

We also bought floor boards for our new place. It doesn't sound that exciting but I was so excited to be picking out the floor and the thing that goes around it, forgot what it's called.

We get the keys next week!!!! Ohmygod, I can' t believe it, we will be owners of a unit (and "owners of a mortgage" as David put it). This is too grown-up but I'm so ready for it.

On Sunday, met up with the school friends. Handed out invitations to those who haven't received one. They were so excited about the whole thing. We also decided on the theme for the hen's night which I can't wait for! A reason to dress up never goes astray.

Too many exciting things happening!!! I'm bursting with excitement.

Last night brought me back to earth though when at about 9pm, I got bad stomach pains and started losing conscience. I was freaked out but it passed and I'm fine now.

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

April is organising my hen's night! Other girls are all eager to have some put in so should be interesting! I'm so looking forward to it. I know it's going to be tons of fun. Still deciding on the theme though.

Wedding Crafts

I have been doing wedding invitations all day and I'm still not finished. I'm so over it.

It might've seemed like a fun idea at the beginning to design my own invitations but it's not even close to fun sticking the 50th piece of cardboard to another material.

I'm not even sure if they look good anymore 'cause I'm so tired of looking at them.

Looking on the bright side, I have learnt to use a glue gun effectively.

Real Life Better than Fiction

I'm in love with Latin music. I've been listening to POBian radio and all they play is Latin stuff. They also play POBian songs mixed with Latin ones. The rhythm is so catchy.

I would've loved to pick a Latin style of song for our first dance but we couldn't find anything appropriate. I really wanted something upbeat but most love songs are slow or sad sounding (if you don't understand the lyrics).

I saw Front Up today and I remembered how captivating that show was. For anyone who never heard of it, there's one guy who walks around Australian cities and starts talking to random people about their lives. It's amazing how much interesting information he gets out of them. One of my favourite documentaries. My other favourite is the 7 Up series and Promises.

Everyone at work has been so wonderful. I've had about five people come up to me and say how sad they are to see me go. I've never felt more appreciated in any other workplace. I really hope people like me at my next job. There's so much bureaucracy in government. So many procedures and processes to make everything 'fair'. They just take lengthy amounts of time 'causing me to leave this job even though everybody is happy with me and I'm happy to be there.

One woman said to me, "It'll be good for you to get out of this retirement village". She didn't understand that I didn't mind. Even the 63 year old next to me is great for a chat. Who knows how the 'young' people are going to be at my next job.

I'm trying to look it at it as a new adventure. I just hope I can get maternity leave when I want to. My probationary period is a year! Never heard of any that long. Not that they can fire me if I get pregnant but still. And I don't want to be like, "Oh, it was an accident" and look like some naive young girl.

The wedding invitations are taking me much longer than planned. I created such a huge job for myself. David offered to help but I'd rather do it myself and not have anyone to blame if something's not perfect. I feel like a one-woman factory. I did the first part. The next involves pasting in all the details and adding decorations.

On Saturday, David and I are going to look for our furniture. I'm so happy we like the same stuff. Last weekend, we had the same opinion about everything we saw. Now that we know what's around, we'll be more goal-orientated.

Claudia is also looking for a place to buy. April and I were surprised that she wasn't moving in with Mike. April said that Claudia told her that they never discussed their future. I (and April) could never be like that. I have to know every detail of where the relationship is going. Don't want to be getting any nasty surprises several years down the track.

So happy with my life right now. I have everything I could possibly want. Never thought I'd be so lucky. Enjoying every moment. Who knows how long it'll last.

Close To Your Body

It's true when they say that planning a wedding is like having a part-time job. There are so many things to organise, some of them not as fun as others. One of the things I've been looking forward to is the honeymoon, not just because I'll get to have an romantic holiday but because finally I have an excuse to buy fancy lingerie.

Unlike buying other wedding stuff, buying sexy underwear is not something you can take your friends or Mum to. (Well, I wouldn't anyway. One shop I went to had teenage girls trying them on together to get each other's opinion while their male friend waited uncomfortably outside the change room. Now that was a bit disturbing.)

I have been randomly looking around to see if I liked anything but I noticed that most pricey lingerie isn't even that different. Most of it looks pretty ordinary.

Last Thursday, while I was waiting for David at the shopping centre, I decided to have a look around the specialty stores. I walked into one small shop and was really happy to find really stylish stuff. (For guys fancy lingerie might be just something that turns them on, but for girls it's almost like buying any other nice clothes, you look for a style to suit your taste and something that would make you look attractive and make you feel confident. It's like any other piece of fashion.)

This shop had stuff that was a little bit different to something you'd wear every day. The best thing was that they weren't even that expensive! They were having a big sale so I got two nice sets for $30 each!

Right now I have to hide them in my wardrobe so my Mum doesn't accidentally find it. She's prone to puting stuff into my wardrobe.

It makes me smile to imagine how David would react when he sees me in my new stuff. Although sometimes I imagine him laughing 'cause he's not used to it. Now that would be embarrassing.

My Psychologist

David and my plans have been cancelled for tomorrow as he's very sick. He's got some kind of bad flu. My brother got the same thing so I'm assuming they both got it at uni.

Of course I feel a bit disappointed but it's more important for him to get better. I went to his house tonight and he's just the loveliest person in the world. Even when he's sick and can barely talk he tells me that I'm the most beautiful person. My heart just melts.

I have been feeling a bit cranky in the last few days due to several things and today he tells me, "Ok, tell me everything that's bothering you. I'll be your Dr Phil." (This just goes to show what daytime TV he's been watching while staying at home!)

I told him, "Eww, I'd prefer Dr David". So I told him every little thing that's been annoying me and he just listened to everything, sympathising with every detail. Gosh, I never felt better to unload. Every frustration that was coming out of my mouth was simultaneously flying out of my system.

Tomorrow night I'm going to April's house. Ella will be there too. I'm quite excited as I haven't seen both of them for quite a while and it'll be great to catch up face to face.

I'm also quite happy to announce that Andy will be David's best man!!! Could it be any more perfect?

Wedding and New Home

The real estate agent called me today to tell me he's put the 'Sold' sign next to our new home! We finally managed to exchange contracts (something that was supposed to happen more than a week ago but the vendor decided to go overseas before signing the contract).

What a weird feeling!

We have settlement in September. We can actively start to look for furniture.

My parents, grandparents and David's parents have been wanting to give/buy us things for the new home. I don't want to sound ungrateful but I'd much rather go and choose things like plates myself. I've been looking forward to decorating the way I want to, not to find place for other people's gifts.

David and I are planning on doing the bridal registry thing where people can go and buy us stuff off the list that we make, rather than getting duplicates. I told my grandparents of this and they thought that wasn't "tactful" but that's because they are not used to it. We think it's a brilliant idea and it's widespread enough for people not to get offended.

Last weekend I bought stationery supplies for the invitations. I thought I'd save some money by making them myself (and of course I will) but just the paper and decorations cost me $80!

I was reading wedding forums and it annoys me how some people say they've spent $50 on invitations, their brother is a professional photographer, their mother is a baker and the whole wedding ends up being $5000. That was my initial goal but that was before I realised that $75 per head for 70 guests already goes over that.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to making the invites and figuring out how I'm going to decorate the cake.

My current issue that I have is with table decorations. The problem is that I have a certain look in mind but it's prooving difficult to find the items I need. I thought it'd be easy to hire some long thin vases but no. And it's not going to be cheap.

Home Start and the Black Wedding

After some negotiation and innocent bluffing on my part, our offer for the apartment has been accepted!

If everything is fine with the contract and building inspection and the seller doesn't change his mind, we will have a place to call our own.

I can't quite believe it! I really didn't expect to find a unit we liked so quickly! It's been a bit surreal running around trying to organise loan approvals, solicitors, inspections etc.

We're not even sure if we'll move in before the wedding.

We'll need to do a few minor things first, like paint the walls, change the carpet, put in new blinds and replace the stove and oven. Once we buy the furniture, it'll be ready for us to move in.

Never thought I'd get excited about going to look for wall paint and blinds but I guess it's different when it's for your own home.

Just hope everything works out with this place!

Also managed to meet with the marriage celebrant this Saturday. He was quite funny and I'm sure the ceremony will be a success.

He told us of some crazy ceremonies he's been involved in, like where there were two black cats walking in front of the couple, or when the parents had to hold a broom and everybody was dressed in black. He also did one where he had to say things like, "By the power of the sun and the power of the moon, I pronounce this couple as husband and wife". David and I couldn't believe it and even considered having two black cats walk in front of us, as well as giving our parents a broom each. We also imagined breaking into chorus and singing the whole thing like in a musical. Now that would be something no one would forget!

Those Boots Are Made For Me

I've realised that nothing is impossible because I finally bought the black boots that I've wanted for the last few years!

They were not exactly how I imagined them but they looked great and were black, knee-length, comfortable heel and good price.

I also bought wedding shoes. One of the sales assistant wouldn't believe that I was buying them for my wedding. After several times of telling her that they were for my wedding, she looked me straight in the eyes and asked, "Are they really for your wedding?" so I laughed and said, "Well, I'm not lying!"

She said I looked too young to be getting married. When she found out my age, she said, "Twenty-three is not so bad".

It makes me feel happy when people think I'm younger than I really am. That means they can't see any signs of aging that I see when I look in the mirror. (Yes, I know I'm only 23 but I never knew people my age start to get laugh lines around their eyes.)

Can't believe the weekend is almost over. It went by so quickly.

Done Done Done

Ceremony location: done
Marriage celebrant: done
Photographer: done

I feel so much better now. The more I tick off my list, the better I feel and the more I get excited. Not the anxious excitement but the joyous type. Yay!

Must not think about work though as that is starting to stress me out. We are given a new graphic designer for freaking FREE by another company for signing a three-year contract with them. Argh! This person better be really bad, otherwise when Eve comes back, I'm out of a job for sure! And then I will never find a job as good as this. Never. There's nothing anyone can say to make me believe otherwise because this job is as good as it gets. Who else is going to let me leave at 4pm?! And give me days off for working over-time? And great people who don't cause me any problems. And as much money as I'm earning now! I want to stay in this job all my life.

Anyway, stressing about it won't fix the situation so I will stop.

It's my and David's two year anniversary next week!!! I wonder, is it possible to be too much in love? Because I love him even more than that.

As Long as You're There

For the last few days, I have been composing blog posts in my head. Now that I sat down to write them, I can't remember the point of any of them.

David stayed over the last few days which was wonderful, even though he slept for most of his time here. Really hope he gets a new job so he can quit his current one. Then he can have a normal life again and we can spend weekends together.

We went to see an apartment yesterday. That was a new experience. I was a bit lost at first. I didn't know what I was looking for. Were there specific questions I had to ask? David was very confident, making comments like a proper grown-up.

You know, I woke up and thought that I was still 21. Then it dawned on me that I was actually a few years older. I told David this and he laughed, "Don't worry, baby, you will always be 21 to me".

I don't know why it's so hard to accept my age. I mean not that I'm unhappy to be 23 but it always gives me a bit of a jolt when I remember. Maybe 'cause I'm almost out of my early 20s now and the distance from my teenage years is becoming longer. Yet, inside my head, I still feel the same as I did when I was 19 or 20.

It makes me wonder if retired people or even middle-aged feel like their younger selves are stuck in their older bodies.

Maybe in adulthood, you physical body changes a lot quicker than your mental state.

I can hear David's voice in my head telling me to stop thinking too much...

On Friday, I didn't go to work 'cause I had to get my POBian passport. (The consulate only opens in the morning and since I had the flu, I decided to take the whole day off.)

My Mum went with me. On the train, she asked, "Can you believe you are getting married?" I think she was asking herself more than me. She said, "I never imagined you to marry someone from such a different background and culture. Did you ever think you would?" I didn't think I would marry anyone but I didn't say that. I told her his culture was actually not so different to ours.

South American culture is one of the few in the world that actually excites me. I mean, what's not to like? A focus on music, dancing and family, what can be better?

I haven't met any guy, from any culture, that was more responsible, reliable and yet able to have a good time (without any additional substances).

I haven't felt wierd about our upcoming wedding since the engagement. I think the initial fact that we were getting married made both of us a little anxious. Now that the novelty wore off, we couldn't be more excited.

April and I used to talk about how a wedding is the only really big exciting thing to look forward to in life. Although I never completely agreed with that, I did understand that there wouldn't be anything as fun to plan. Now I find myself looking more forward to after the wedding. Like spending time together on our honeymoon or settling into our new home.

When before, something like buying property seemed boring, now it's exciting.

I'm also really looking forward to being able to go out on weekends and come home together. I know that seems really insignificant but thinking about it really makes me buzz inside.

When I think about all the times with David that really stood out for me, they are always really low-key like talking while lazying around on his bed or pretending to dance in the kitchen. It's not the time we got engaged or when he asked me out. It's never a milestone.

I've also decided to calm down about the whole wedding planning even though the photographer is avoiding me after changing the original price and there's new confusion about which DJ to use. I'm just going to go with the flow and enjoy whatever happens. Same goes for the honeymoon (which also involves hours of planning and choosing from countless options, one better than the next). I'm going with David's view, "As long as you're there, it will be perfect".

White and Off-white

What's more difficult than buying a wedding dress?

Buying wedding shoes.

I never expected that buying silver shoes (since proper wedding ones are way too expensive) with a comfortable heel would be such a problem. April, Ella and I looked in every shoe store in the city and came up with nothing. There wasn't even anything worth trying on. Firstly, there weren't even that many silver shoes and secondly, all of the ones that were there had a stiletto heel reminiscent of a knitting needle. I don't know how people manage to stand in them, let alone walk.

One shop I went to had ivory shoes. I asked the sales assistant whether they had them in white. The snobby girl looked at me like I was crazy and said, "They are white!" She obviously never shopped for wedding clothes before! It's like wearing a white dress with an ivory veil - the veil would look like it's dirty next to the dress. I told my Mum and she thought that no one would notice if the shoes were white or ivory. I guess she had a point.

I was encouraged by several people to wear flats since noone would see them under the dress anyway but I don't want to be short at my wedding.

While we were looking for my shoes, we also had a look for boots (something you might remember I've been looking for a very long time). I told April that I've been looking for boots before I even met David which would mean that finding the boots I wanted was even harder than finding a husband.