Need For Validation

None of the managers are going to be at work tomorrow. I'm so tempted to come late and leave early. But I'm worried that since my manager is going to be there in the morning and in the afternoon, I will not be able to guess when.

Today I got complimented on one of the ads that I've done. My manager only told me such things when I just started and haven't commented on my work since. Then, today he specifically came up to tell me how much he (and the other manager) liked something I did. You can imagine how good I felt. And I'm one of those people who needs to be affirmed that my work is liked. If that validation stops, I start to think that maybe I've stopped producing good results. And since my line of work is so based on taste and opinion, I can't be confident that just because I like what I did, that others will too.

At uni everyone would always ask others their opinion while they were working so we'd know we were on the right track. At work, you're expected to do all this independently. I miss having that constant communication about what everyone was working on.

I miss uni. I know I've said that a lot but I just can't get over my uni days. And they weren't even that perfect. I guess I just miss those constant breaks where we would all sit at the cafeteria and talk for hours. Or even in class when we were supposed to be doing work, we'd chat and laugh about everything. I remember I used to think, "if only I liked these people more" but now I miss talking to them so much and would love to have those days back. I'm getting emotional just writing about it.

My Graduation

I don't think I ever talked about my graduation. It seems like it was forever ago. And in some ways it was.

I met up with Amelia and Claudia beforehand so they ended up coming to get my gown. The other students were all there with their parents but I told my parents to come when the actual ceremony started. Amelia and Claudia acted like my parents. They held my stuff while I was fitted into my graduation wear and Amelia even squeled and said loud enough for everyone to hear, "Our little Sky is graduating! I'm so proud of you!" All the guys from my course who were lined up behind me stopped talking to stare. Even though I was a bit embarrased, inside I felt so happy that my closest friends were there with me. Friends who saw me growing up. Almost like family.

Since my Mum was supposed to bring the camera and she wasn't there yet, Claudia took photos of me everywhere. She said she wanted them for herself. So sweet.

Even though my family wasn't there, my friends definitely made up for it. No one else's friends were there so I felt quite special.

My parents came later. My brother didn't which got me upset. He said he had a lecture but when I asked him later if he could've skipped it and that he was the only sibling who wasn't there, he said that he didn't realise it was so important because he didn't go to my school graduation. Can't be too hurt because of his childish naivite. When he realised the importance of it, he kept apologising and even skipped his meeting with his friends to play soccer to wait with me at uni (while I was waiting for Sally). I just can't stay mad at Andy.

After the ceremony, when I was chatting with my uni friends, Sam came up and gave me (and the others) a kiss on the cheek. Then I saw my parents. I wonder if they saw. They think I don't talk to guys at all. When I was going back to return my gown and my parents were walking behind me, I saw Bill walking towards me and he asked if I was coming to dinner later with them. I said I was. Then a few minutes later, I saw Fabian and as he walked by, he tapped me on my shoulder and said, "Congratulations" with his usual smirk (or was that a genuine smile?) After that, my Mum caught up to me and said, "You said there are no normal guys in your course! You didn't even pay attention to them! What was wrong with that one?!". I didn't want to start. Fabian, out of all people! Honestly! Sure he looks impressive, but that's it. Although... honestly, I think I might miss his attention. A bit. Might. Oh my God, I can't believe I'm even saying that. Who would've thought. I'm sure I don't mean it.

After the ceremony, I waited with Andy for a bit. That was odd to meet my brother at uni but pretty cool. Then, after waiting in the library for an hour by myself because I had nothing else to do, I met up with Sally and we chatted for about an hour until we got kicked out of the cafeteria because it was closing. We got to the cafe where we were supposed to meet the others. We were discussing our plans to go to another state in a month or so together. Can't wait. Especially that I haven't been there which is a bit of an embarrassment.

Lilly was already at the cafe. It's weird that she's the most talented one out of all of us but is one of the few who didn't get a job. I think she just hasn't been really trying. It was so great to catch up with her. After waiting for almost an hour for the others, came about 15 guys so it was just us 3 girls and the guys. I was wondering why I wasn't interested in any of them. The girls came 40 minutes later. It was so great to hang out with everyone.

Would've been nice to have a boyfriend to have at my graduation but then again, it would be nice to have a boyfriend to have anywhere.

Miss Uni So Much

I finished my beginner dance class! I'm looking forward to the next level, especially since Andy agreed to come with me. Might make him practise with me so I can impress David.

Oh, what am I even talking about. I might never even see David again. Silly me, getting carried away again.

So don't feel like going to work tomorrow. Can't believe how much I miss uni life. Well, actually I can. I remember I looked forward to going to uni, it was almost like going out 'cause it was so social. I did all the work at home.

Maybe David can call tomorrow and make me feel better?

I wish.

Another Addition

You will not believe this but there is now BG3. I wonder if he can be in my BG club if I know his name and email?

I met this one at the same bus stop at which I met BG1. And I only went there 'cause I was at uni today and had a tiny bit of hope that I might see him if I go there. So while I was standing there waiting for the bus (thinking, "Yeah right I'll see him. There's no chance that would ever happen"), some guy came up to me and asked when the last bus came (exactly what BG1 said). So then I told him and he asked what I studied and I had to tell him I didn't anymore and we ended up chatting all the way to the train station.

David is from South America and thought I looked South American. How, I have no idea since I'm pale. But Rory from Gilmore Girls is Hispanic and she looks Caucasian to me. So hey, who am I to say what race I look like. And being told I look South American is a compliment to me since I think the majority of South Americans are good looking.

When we had to part, I said "See you later" and then turned around and blurted out, "Actually, I'll probably never see you" and he asked for my email.

So, that's that. Will try not to get my hopes up since last time I did that it didn't turn out too well for me. But it's hard again. I'm sure he didn't ask for my email if he didn't want to contact me, especially after I said I'll never see him again (which was not supposed to come out of my mouth).

Oh well, we'll see what happens. If nothing else, at least my BG collection is growing.

High Heels = High Pain. Ways To Embarrass Myself.

Earlier this week when I was talking to Christine on the phone, she said she bought her first pair of pretty pink shoes that she wanted to wear today but she didn't want to be the only one wearing those sort of shoes just for lunch and if I could wear my high-heeled shoes. I told her no because there's no way I'm spending all day in uncomfortable shoes, only to get sore feet for the formal (for which I would have to wear nice shoes). She said she'd try to convince the others.

I didn't think much of it until today when Claud and Amelia turned up in high heels at 11:30 in the morning. (April didn't come because she had exams to study for.) Since Christine wasn't there yet (as usual), we had to go to the place without her. Amelia and Claudia said a few... uhm... words about wearing inappropriate shoes just for Christine when she wasn't even there. I tried to joke around and say that maybe she decided not to wear her new shoes at all but they didn't find it funny.

Almost an hour later, Christine did turn up in her new shoes (which I have to say didn't look as good as I expected). I felt like we were some high school clique - all wearing the same type of shoes just 'cause Christine asked. Almost like in Mean Girls. Except the mean part since I was wearing my comfy sandals and no one cared.

After lunch, when we were walking through the city, I felt like they were part of Sex and the City with their casual clothes and high heels. Oh my God, there goes my TV and movie obsession again.

Claudia left straight after lunch but Christine, Amelia and I hung around at a shopping centre for a bit longer. Christine started bitching about Ellen and Amelia said a few of "And no one believed me she was fake!". I felt kinda bad 'cause I don't dislike her as much as they do. There are a lot worse people to dislike.

At about 3pm, I rushed home to get ready. I tried to curl my hair but it was a disaster because it wouldn't stay curled so I gave up. Maybe I'll master the art of curling hair one day. Then had to make the hard decision of whether I should wear stockings and my new closed toe shoes or no stockings and my year 12 formal strappy shoes. After some deliberation I made my decision.

I was a bit worried about catching the train in my dress because I always think that people would stare at me but there was another woman who was wearing a more stare-worthy dress so no one paid attention to me.

When I was on the train, I got a call from Sophia saying that they (she, Katie and Norma) could pick me up at a closer station. I was quite happy that I wouldn't have had to change trains. Just when I got to the station where I had to get off, I got a call from Sophia telling me to hurry up because they were already there and they couldn't stop to park.

So ignoring the pain that was forming in my feet, I walked quite quickly to where they were supposed to meet me (About 10 minutes from the station which seemed a lot further when you are wearing high heels). But there was no one in sight. I called Sophia, asking where they were. I, then, hear Katie's voice telling me that they already passed where I was and were now quite far and could I catch the bus there?

I was obviously not very very happy. And I obviously let them know that. Katie said she was driving and gave the phone to Sophia who told me she'd call me back. A minute later, I get a call from Sophia telling me that they are turning around and coming to pick me up. And that they are very sorry and they didn't know what they were thinking.

Five minutes later, I get another call from them, telling me that they're lost and they don't know when they're going to be here. I offered to start walking towards their direction.

I ended up walking for another twenty minutes. All I wanted to do was snap my fingers and be at the hotel where our formal was supposed to be. However, real life is not a fairytale. It was weird how even though I felt a bit uncomfortable wearing an almost formal dress on the train but could not care less when I was walking in it through the city because I was too focused on fast-forwarding the time to when we are actually at the formal and didn't care at all what anyone on the street was thinking or if they were even looking at me.

While I was walking, I got a few calls and messages from people who were already there and wondering where I was. I didn't have the time to answer the calls or the messages because every few moments I called Sophia and asked her where they were and her answer was never what I wanted to hear (which would be "Right next to you").

Finally, we connected and I got into the car (while they were stopped at a traffic light). It was so windy my dress flew everywhere, almost flashing all the other cars. My feet hurt too much to be embarrassed. It's funny how pain can block out every bit of self-consciousness.

After they all apologised some more, Norma asked if I could drive so that Katie could change (since she was planning on coming early to decorate and was going to change later). I agreed and we changed places at the next traffic light. Everyone else was stressing so much, I had to calm them down. Being late was not the end of the world.

Everyone was calling us asking where we were. Katie got changed in the back seat which was a first for her. Sophia was at the front, trying to read a map (quite unsuccessfully). I had no idea where I was going. Norma was telling everyone to stop stressing and I told her to stop telling everyone to stop stressing because she seemed to be stressing the most. I said that it would be a funny story to tell everyone.

After a few failed attempts to find parking that didn't cost a fortune, we found a spot (that only cost half a fortune).

Katie lost a few things in the back seat while she was getting dressed. She, then, refused to get out of the car without her makeup which was silly because I wasn't even wearing any (except lip gloss). I'm sure she could've gone without.

We had to walk another fifteen minutes to the hotel. My feet were barely alive by then.

When we got there, there was no one there which was very unexpected. It turned out that everyone was outside in the courtyard. When they came inside, we told them we were there the whole time. Somehow, 95% of people didn't believe us.

The dinner was followed by lots of photo taking. Even though I brought my camera, I didn't take any because I was too lazy and thought I'd just get the photos from the other people. I regret this a bit now because I could've taken photos of specific groups of people that I wanted a photo with.

The gross girl (that I wrote about earlier) made out with her boyfriend the whole time. Another gross thing to add to her list.

We had some time for good-bye speeches that anyone who wanted to could make. Fabian couldn't resist the opportunity for so much attention. What he also couldn't resist was to mention me right at the end of his dumb speech. This of course encouraged everyone to look at me, cheer and yell inappropriate things. And there I was, thinking that Fabian got over trying to annoy me. At least I know that was his last chance ever to bring unwanted attention to me. I will never see him again. Well, other than the graduation but it's highly unlikely for him to say anything to/about me then.

That incident was a little uncomfortable but my main embarrassing moment was still to come. (Don't get too excited yet!)

After literally dragging my friends onto the dance floor because a fun night cannot possible go without dancing, I was starting to relax and enjoy the party.

Then, this guy who I've never properly spoken to for my three years of uni and who was showing off his one cool move over and over again, took my hand and pulled me into the centre of the dance floor.

I was so shocked that I couldn't dance properly. I tried to match his moves (which we can assume was learnt to impress) but I couldn't get the hang of it so I looked like an idiot in front of everyone who was dancing around us. I should've just stuck to standard club dancing and not stared at his feet the whole time, trying to copy what he was doing. That is one part of the night which I wish went better (i.e. we danced really impressively together) but it will be added to my list of 'moments I'd like to forget' and will therefore be another one of 'my moments that I will always remember'.

When I decided to stop my embarrassment and rejoin the other people who were not the centre of attention, the guy I was dancing with sort of held on to my shoulder and his hand slipped to where it was not supposed to. I'm still not sure if it was accidental because he didn't take it away fast enough. After that, I stuck to the outskirts of the dance area and stayed there till the end, chatting to my friends (who were not into dancing at all).

When the party (at the hotel) was finishing and everyone was hugging and kissing each other good-bye, I got hugged and kissed by people I've never even spoken to.

One guy, Bill, should learn to keep his saliva to himself. I felt like my cheek was brushed with a wet sponge. Sally also had that experience with him so we talked a bit about how gross it was.

The guy who I embarrassed myself with earlier gave me a hug that was a bit too long and too strong. I think he might've been drunk.

When I saw Justin coming my way, I tried to move away before he came to me but he managed to get to me. I wanted to yell at him to stop hugging people who don't want to hug you. This party was not supposed to be an excuse to get physically close to people who have never liked you. Why couldn't they (especially guys since they were doing most of the hugging and kissing) understand that? It seemed like there was a whole line of guys waiting to hug and kiss you. At one point I felt like saying (in a Queen-like sort of voice) "Who's next to have this honour?"

When I saw the drunk 30 year old who did our course hugging and kissing Sally (who was standing next to me), I moved faster than I had all night. I saw Sam and almost felt like hugging him myself because I've actually talked with him throughout my course and he wasn't as sleazy as the rest of them.

I've ended up hugging Sam a few times throughout the end of the night. I think he just forgot that we hugged already. A poor guy can get confused after so many girls! Even I lost count how many guys had 'the honour'. That number probably made up for the last few years when I didn't have any guy hugs (even if they were like the immature idiots that were in my course who'd I wouldn't want to ever hug again in the future).

I walked back to the station and waited for a train with Jason (one guy who's smart and mature enough not to hug every girl) and we had a nice appropriate conversation about our future and our years at uni. I wish there were more guys like him. Only more my type. It's easier to respect them and therefore be friends.

It's 2am already and I still have to finish packing before I leave. If I don't write in here before I go, I'll be back before Christmas with all the juicy (hopefully) details of my trip. Meanwhile, if you find you're sufferring from withdrawal symptoms because you can't live without knowing what's going on (or not going on) in my life, feel free to email me!

Thanks for reading my blog and I'll be back in a month to continue your reading pleasure :P

Lazy Day

Decided to skip uni today. It was only 2 hours of POBian. It would've taken me longer to get there and back.

Read Harry Potter. It had a bit of a slow start but it's gaining its pace.

I'm also in the process of doing a guide to my blog that has descriptions of all the people (so I won't have to describe them every time I mention them for new visitors). And it has what all abbreviations stand for and a bit of history. Should be useful. I'll link to it as soon as I finish it.

I think I might finally go to dancing lessons this weekend. Completely by myself. I'm tired of forcing people to go with me and then finding time so it's convenient for them, just 'cause I'm too scared to go alone. No more! I'm an adult and I can go wherever and do what I want without anyone else.

(This is a bit of pep talk for myself.)

Anyway, I'll probably meet more people if I go on my own. And that's always a good motivator. And also the fact that I need some exercise.

Uncomforts

It's weird how some people have the ability to make you feel really comfortable to be around them and others just make you want to go as far as possible from them.

I'm becoming a bit anti-social in one of my classes that has most of the people that I've had classes with from first year. I just have no desire to be friends with most of them. Which is strange for me 'cause I don't think you can ever have enough good friends to have around you.

The guys, especially, act like such idiots and cross any line of social interaction. Fabian, for example, tried to kiss one of the girls while her boyfriend was there. Her boyfriend didn't even turn around. The girl was shrieking and Fabian was just enjoying himself. I don't know why but I got really mad at the boyfriend. How could he just sit there and do nothing? I didn't find it as funny as the other guys did.

Jack sat near me and kept saying 'fuck' over and over again really loudly. It got so annoying I just wanted to punch him so hard that he'd really have some reason to keep saying that.

Fabian hasn't been bothering me too much lately which I'm really happy about. He was actually quite polite (in his own way). But him being polite isn't the best thing 'cause that's how he gets your attention so he can start annoying you. I just avoid him as much as I can now. And that seems to work the best.

The only interaction I had with him this year was him asking about what I've been up to and if I work now and where. It was so polite and normal and nice that if it was any other guy I'd be happy that he was interested. But since it was Fabian, I just got suspicious. Last week, he just came up behind me and pushed my chair while I was on it while saying something about what I was doing. It's those little things that have the potential to get out of hand.

Sometimes, I can't wait till uni finishes just so I wouldn't have to be around people like that. Although I'm pretty sure there are more like that in other places.

It's really hard not to meet people like that anywhere.

A Bout Of Insanity

I'm not sure what happened yesterday. I prefer to forget about the whole thing 'cause it weirds me out.

After waiting 15 minutes for my train yesterday, it was cancelled. I got my brother to drive me to a closer station that had more trains. I was already getting a weird feeling in my stomach that made me want to forget about going to uni. I told myself that if the train would come in a couple of minutes I would get on but if not, I wouldn't go to uni. Even though I was supposed to have an assessment.

The train came so I got on. I realised that I would be late by about 15 minutes. While I was on the train, the feeling of not wanting to go to uni kept getting stronger and stronger. I told myself that it's no big deal if I was going to be late. I've been late before and didn't care. But yesterday all I wanted to do was just go home.

When the train arrived at the station, I couldn't make myself go to uni. I felt almost paralysed. I couldn't will my feet to get out of the station and get to uni.

So I walked to the platform that had trains going back home. But since the trains were stuffed up, I ended up waiting for an hour and a half for a train back home.

While I was waiting, all I could think of was, "What the hell is wrong with me?!"

Then I thought that since I've been waiting for so long, maybe I should've waited until the bus guy came. I was bound to see him if I waited. But when my train came, I got on and went home.

Made up a story for my parents about being stuck on the train and there not being any point in going to uni.

Maybe it was one of those things that you hear about when people have an intuition about something bad happening. Maybe mine prevented something bad happening to me.

Yeah, right. I'm just going mentally insane. That's a more likely reason.

I just hope that it won't happen again.

Procrastination Pain

I hate procrastinating so much, yet I can't stop doing it. I have so much work to do and not enough time. And I still haven't properly started.

Why can't I just will myself to do it? It's mainly because it's one of those assignments which I don't know how to start. And that's the worst. I've done everything that I knew how to start but this I just can't do. If only I started, I'm sure I'd finish.

Argh... so annoying. Looking on the positive side, I only have 3 weeks left till the holidays! Or maybe that's not a positive thing 'cause that means uni will be ending soon for me. But America trip will be closer. So it's both good and bad.

I wonder what I'll be doing this time next year...

Hopefully I'll be employed in a good job. And maybe have a boyfriend. Yeah, right.

Fear Of Public Speaking Evaporated

I think my new diet (yes, my old one had to be changed since it didn’t work) is changing my chemical composition (if that’s possible). Since I can’t have wheat or dairy now, I’ve been eating buckwheat pancakes (which are disgusting). It’s amazing what I will eat when I’m hungry.

Anyway, I think all this buckwheat is making me really calm. Like, take today for example. I had to make a presentation and I didn’t experience even a tiny bit of anxiety like I usually do. I was standing there thinking, “30 people are staring me, why do I not care? Why isn’t my face going red? Why aren’t my palms sweaty? Why is my breathing normal? …Why am I trying to make myself nervous? Haha, it’s not working”. It was such a new feeling. And a very nice one too. I hope it stays.

Compliments

Another pretty cool thing happened yesterday before the whole guy thing. For my class, we had to go to the Sports Centre to draw people playing sports. When we got there, my class-friend (a person who I talk to a lot during that class) and I decided to draw some guys playing indoor soccer.

I said to her, "They'll think we're so weird staring at them! They'll be really uncomfortable." And she said, "No, you're pretty, they'll be flattered."

That was such a sweet thing to say! I don't consider myself pretty so it's so nice to hear that someone else does. Especially a girl 'cause she wouldn't have any wrong intentions behind it. Although I would love it if a guy would say I'm pretty. But then I might not believe him.

The last time I remember someone saying that I was pretty was in year 7 when one girl said to me, "You're pretty. You're smart. And you're nice. You're like a perfect person." I still remember that. That was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

I think I cling to compliments so much because I'm insecure or something. Although I only cling to the ones that I feel are genuine. When Nadine used to say I was pretty, I didn't take her seriously 'cause I thought she was just saying that.

I read somewhere that you should tell a pretty girl that she's smart and to a smart girl that she's pretty. I thought that idea was very interesting.

The Naked Guy

On ANZAC day, while everyone was enjoying their long weekend, I had to go to uni. Our teacher decided that since we usually have class on Mondays, we'd have to make up for the missed one which we could either do at the end of the semester, cutting into our holidays or we could just have it on Monday. I was very annoyed with this arrangement because it's not like people who don't go to work on a public holiday have to make up for it on another weekend. If that was true, there'd be no point in having public holidays.

In class we were supposed to draw a nude male model. I thought we were going to start drawing when the teacher told the guy that we were going to begin and he took his clothes off. Never having been in these sort of situations, I didn't know if it was rude to look at him before we started drawing so I decided to focus on the pretty picture on the wall.

Instead of getting to it, the teacher decided that it was a good time for introductions and asked the guy to tell us a bit about himself, while he was naked! As soon as I took my focus off the pretty picture on the wall, my face started to contort into a giggle because it was so wierd to have to take the naked guy seriously. He had no clothes on and was freely contributing to an intellectual conversation about the history of drawing nudes. That was too odd.

I never thought that seeing a nude model would make me laugh. I blame the girl next to me who at the beginning of class put the idea of giggling into my head ("I hope I won't giggle," she said).

I didn't want to be seen as the immature girl who couldn't distinguish between a 'nude model' and a naked guy. This was art, not some joke.

I tried thinking of a grey fabric (something I used to envision when my eyes watered). However, this time, this image failed me. I was looking more immature by the second, trying to force my face into a serious and sophisticated expression.

Drastic measures had to be taken. I had to think of something very depressing to save my reputation and keep my pride. Now, what could really depress me? Oh! How could I even give that question any thought? I imagined the grim reality of never getting married. Any smile was immediately wiped off my face. Although I did start to see the ridiculousness of thinking about never getting married while the naked guy was talking about new laws that prevented people from taking photos on the beach.

When we finally got to the drawing part, things started to get better, apart from me being confused whether it was rude to look at his penis. I decided to avoid that part and focus on the muscles in his shoulders and back which I thought were the safest to draw.

While I was drawing, I heard the teacher ask the girl next to me why she was avoiding drawing the naked guy's penis. Straight away I realised I was doing the same so I quickly added that anatomy part to my drawings. I didn't want her to think of me as a prude and childish (as I was proving myself to be). The teacher walked past my drawings without commenting which was a relief. However, she did comment on the works of the girl to the left of me. Unlike the girl on the right and myself, she only drew the naked guy's genitals. Every drawing was of the naked guy's penis from a different angle. So I wasn't the only one with 'issues'.

At the end, our teacher offerred to photocopy all of our works and give it to the naked guy "for reference". The naked guy politely declined.

The Beauty Of Music

I went to the uni orchestra practice yesterday and it was amazing. I am now completely convinced that anyone who plays a classical music intstrument cannot possibly be an evil person. There was this one huge guy who if I saw in the street, would keep away from since he looked like someone who's capable of committing criminal acts. But the way he played the bass melted my heart. The precision, the gentleness, the concentration, the emotion... I felt like I was in a trance (and I'm not even a fan of classical music). The energy of the whole place was just beautiful.

Headache Ruins My Favourite Day

Didn't go to uni today 'cause I woke up with a massive headache that didn't go away by the time I had to leave the house. Of course this just had to happen on my favourite day of the week. Seriously, Murphy's Law was created for my life.

Tuesday is my favourite day because I only have 2 hours of the easiest subject and because I get to talk to Daniel, since we're always the first 2 in class.

Did I not mention Daniel? He's the guy in my POBian class. Not the younger one who I mentioned before but the other one who I haven't mentioned before.

Daniel is an international student from Europe. He is fidgety but outspoken, clever but not driven. That's the only way I can think of describing him. Oh, and he's older than me. And being the ageist (April's word for my age prejudices) that I am, that's important to me.

Anyway, last week (and the week before) we had a really nice (and long) conversation about non-uni related stuff which is definitely an improvenment. He's like a perfect guy to have as a friend - easy to talk to and totally not my type. Hopefully we can become better friends by the end of the semester but somehow I doubt that will be happening.

Uni Frustration

This year is definitely not my year. I'm having so many problems with my timetable. Two subjects clash which means I have to always miss one hour of one subject (since there is no way I can catch up on the other even if I only miss one week). And since I have to get to both subjects, I will have no break for 7 hours and will have to leave one early and come late to the other one. It's so messed up. And what makes it worse is that I had to go to a lot of trouble to get into one of those subjects.

After I've accepted this problem, I've encountered another one. I just checked all the dancing classes at uni and they're ALL at the times when I have classes. I was really looking forward to joining one of them. ARGH!!!! This is so frustrating!!!

Laziness

Amelia called yesterday. I haven't spoken to her since New Year's because she's been so busy working almost every day. She told me that she has most of the days off this week. We were supposed to go watch "The Spanish Apartment" today but it's not showing anymore. Well, in cinemas that are within 1 hour radius. That's a bit annoying because I wanted to see the movie for weeks now. She said she wouldn't mind seeing "Love Actually" with me but I don't really feel like watching it that much anyway.

I'm being lazy 'cause I don't feel like going anywhere, unlike yesterday when I just wanted to get out of the house. In some ways, I'm actually starting to miss uni. Not the constant assignments but the idea that today anything can happen and I might meet someone interesting. Although I won't be meeting anyone interesting this year because I already know all the people that will be doing my subjects.

Can't get used to the idea that I'll probably (if my enrolement is fixed) finish uni this year. That's kinda scary. I'll have to find a proper job and no more almost 4 months holidays. I honestly don't know how I'll be able to live without that. I don't know how I managed high school with only 5 weeks.

I think the holidays are numbing my brain cells. For the life of me, I can't write anything remotely interesting in here.

Staff Stuffs Up

My uni is so unorganised, it's driving me insane!!! I didn't get enrolled into half of the subjects that I wanted. Now I have to go there and correct all their mistakes! Otherwise, I won't finish next year. Right now I'm enrolled as a part-time student. Their whole administration organisation is a complete joke! I've been having problems with them since last July when I had my operation. Why do they have to stuff everything up?! Argh, I feel like screaming. But I won't. They're not worth getting a sore throat over.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World.

Someone, please make me do my assignment!!! It was due yesterday and although I've been doing it since Monday, it doesn't seem anywhere near finished. I haven't been staying up though. I've given myself more work than was needed and now I'm paying for it. I really wanted to get this done well so I could put it into my portfolio but I'm starting to rush it so all the extra work at the beginning is wasted. Argh!!!

Yesterday, Max messaged me again and it got me thinking. Max would make such a good match for Nadine 'cause they both irritate me but I can't help but like being around them. And they are both of the same intellect level, both are sensitive and emotional, both like to party, both are a bit naive, both are very kind. Yet, I know that they would never go out together. They've talked with each other and didn't think much of the other.

And then there are Nadine's boyfriends (well, the last 2). They are so much more suited to me than to her and yet they like her, while Max likes me.

The world is mad. It's illogical and makes no sense. Absolutely crazy.

Anyway, back to my assignment.

You know that internal jumpy feeling that you get when you go up in a lift and then it stops suddenly? I feel the same when Fabian is around. I wish he'd just evaporate into thin air.

The Nerdy Guy. Work Deja Vu

Have you ever felt like you've been shown something that could be really great and then taken away, never to be seen again?

Well, I feel like that's about to happen to me. I haven't mentioned Jesse here because I didn't think he was worth mentioning. He is in one of my groups for one of my assignments. At first I thought he looked really girly (no, it's not the girly guy that I mentioned before) and just wasn't someone I'd consider cute. But then he turned out to be a really smart and nice guy who pays attention to me. And he's really easy to talk to! Finally a guy who I can talk normally with. He's a bit nerdy but that kind of makes him easy to be around. He is not immature like the other guys.

We won't be doing this group assignment for 2 weeks, so I won't be able to talk to him before then. And after this semester, I'll never see him again 'cause he finishes uni this year. Not fair!

I went shopping with my Aunt and Mum today to get stuff for Yvonne (my cousin) and they were making me trying stuff to see if it'll fit her 'cause she's the same built as me (except 175cm). I thought it was going to be really annoying 'cause I don't particularly like trying stuff on. It just gets tiring. But it wasn't too bad.

I went to visit April on her first day at her job. She was counting minutes till the end. She was stuck folding clothes all day. Oh, the life of a retail sales person! Now she knows how I felt working at the bookstore (although the work was more interesting). She was stuck with some 50 year old lady who was never happy with anything she did. Doesn't that sound familiar!

Invitation

April and I went to a local film festival yesterday but it was so freezing that we didn't stay long (although we really wanted to) and ended meeting up with Claudia and Christine.

While we were talking I got a message from Jacqui saying that she and Amy were organising a get together for the 'group'. I thought about going for no more than a couple of seconds. I really don't see the point in meeting up just for the sake of meeting up. I really doubt that they really want to see me. And I don't really want to see them. I hope they won't think that I'm avoiding them (since that's exactly what I'm doing). Those get-togethers are always so awkward for me that I don't see the point in going.

Tomorrow, I might finally be going to those dancing classes that I have been wanting (dreaming!) of going to. For some reason, I have a feeling that they'll (April and Christine) will cancel because that's what usually happens when I really want to do something that the others don't really want to do but I convince them to anyway.

I have been craving chocolate lately so I need to do some exercise to burn it all off.

I have so much uni stuff to do in the one week break that it doesn't even count as a break. And I wanted to do heaps of not-uni stuff. Somehow, for now, I'm managing to fit both.