Missed

It was my goal to get the 4:28pm train today. Still sitting in the office at 4:25pm, I realised that wasn't going to happen. I hurried up to try to get out of the place for the 4:40pm train but at 4:35, I was in the same position.

Finally I managed to get out at 5:00pm and almost ran to the train station for the 5:13pm. I got there with a few minutes to spare. I looked at the board and saw that my train has been cancelled.

Got home at 6:40pm.

Never thought I'd say this but I miss driving. Not having to wait. Just get in the car and go home.

Found a card from the post office telling me I've received the salsa dvd but since nobody was home, I had to pick it up from the post office. One little problem - post office closes at 5pm and I can't get home before then.

My brother offerred to get it for me on Monday as he finishes uni early. But Monday! I want it now!

Why couldn't the courier leave it in the mailbox. It's just a dvd. It was my first ebay purchase.

Met up with Amelia for lunch (once I managed to get out of the office). Haven't seen her in God knows how long. She looked a bit odd. She got a different haircut (ok) but had bright green eye shadow and a leopard print cardigan. We didn't get to talk much but it was nice to catch up at least a bit. I'm meeting her next week again.

David's parents invited my family to dinner this Friday. Should be interesting - first time at their house.

Last night was soooo good. Just because David was with me. I realised how similar we were becoming. Or maybe we were similar all along. If there were trillion different wavelengths, David and I would be on the same one. We just get each other. And he loves parts of me I like least.

I wish we were living together already. I miss having him around to do nothing with in the evenings.

We went to Nadine's party on the weekend. April and Ella were there too. It certainly made an impression on April. I was used to it. Nadine made a great fool of herself. I was embarrassed for her but April said, "Don't worry, she won't remember any of it tomorrow".

Dean, her boyfriend, didn't seem to care. He said he had a headache and went to his room to relax.

I was so glad to have David there. April said she could imagine us acting like a married couple. I loved having him there to do little couply things with. Like, saying I was getting thirsty and him immediately getting up to get me a drink. Or me asking him if he wanted to finish my roll. Or when he flicked my hair to tease me or pushed it out of my face as I was talking to Liz. Tiny subtle gestures that show that we're comfortable with each other.

Liz asked him, "So David, do you have any friends for us?" Talk about being straight forward. I'd never be able to ask a guy I barely know something like that.

I wonder if people think our couply ways are annoying or if they make them feel bad. We don't mean to do either. I think I've stopped caring how we come across to other people. I'm just too happy to care.

Off to POB

In two days I will be in POB. I really cannot believe that tomorrow I will be flying there. Time flies so quickly.

Today was the first day I actually got excited about going. Before, it was more of a "I gotta see my grandparents because I don't know when else I can" but now it's like "YAY!!! I'm going to Europe!" And yay, I'm leaving the busiest time at work to enjoy myself while my manager and other worker scramble madly to cope.

I've also been told that Elaine is happy to take me out while I'm there and return the favour. I'm very happy about that as otherwise I'd probably be stuck with my Mum and grandparents. My cousins are not exactly the types to take me out to good places.

I'm a bit fearful of the danger factor when going to POB but I guess it's always scarier when you're not there. Going on about your life over there makes you not notice it so much.

Everyone at work was jealous because they wanted to go instead of me to one of the most interesting cities in Europe. The best part is that I will actually understand the language.

Things I'm most looking forward to are POBian food, television and radio (which I'll probably get over after a few days) and of course seeing my grandma who is absolutely hilarious. And maybe she can introduce me to some of her well-known friends.

One thing I'm a little bit annoyed about is that I had my second session of SPL yeserday and my legs have some rash on them which doesn't seem to be fading. I don't remember this side effect last time. And it's summer there! How will I go swimming or even wear anything shorter than pants? Anyway, I still have hope that it will go away in a few days as it's similar to the rash I used to get when epilating.

Beauty is pain.

There's this saying in POB which parents tell their kids when they get a scratch or a bruise, "It'll heal before the wedding". I really hope this heals before my wedding!

April is going to Europe too, straight after I come back so I won't see or speak to her for five weeks! That's going to be weird since we speak at least once every week and are always up to date with each other's lives, even the most miniscule details (e.g. "A guy sat next to me in the lab and he's talking really loudly on the phone. Now his friend came and they are talking really loudly together. Ok, they left.")

Not seeing David for two weeks will be weird too but we'll probably talk on the phone. His Mum told me to enjoy my time there and do lots of crazy things because David won't find out anyway! David wasn't pleased with her encouraging me to do things she was hinting at.

I'm disappointed David won't be able to meet me at the airport when I return as I always wanted to experience such a romantic scenario. Unfortunately his university decided to make him sit an exam at that time. Seriously, no considerations. However, he will come to the airport with me tomorrow and we can have a not very romantic good-bye. With my parents there (as April pointed out when I told her of the situation).

I still haven't packed so I better go and do that 'cause David will come over soon. Too bad he won't fit into a suitcase.

Out of my Mind and Out of my Car

For the whole of this post I will complain about the problems with my car that I had in the last two days due to my carelessness. You've been warned.

After work yesterday, I was supposed to drive to David's house to see how his Mum was after her operation. I got out of work as soon as I could and as my hand went for my car keys inside my bag, I got a sinking feeling.

My keys were inside my locked car. As I came to my vehicle, I saw them in the ignition, just the way I left them in the morning.

How could this have happened? Well, I wasn't totally empty-minded. I got distracted. In the morning before getting out of my car, I was talking on my mobile so when I finished I thought I completely switched off the car and taken out the keys. Obviously not.

Anyway, I called roadside assistance (after calling my Dad). Then I called David to let him know I was going to be late. He laughed and said not to worry.

Finally when the guy came, he made opening a locked door look so simple! He said, "This isn't your first time, is it?" I got offended and said, "It is, actually!" Do I look like I lock myself out on a regular basis? Hmph.

After I thanked him and he left, I turned on the car but it wouldn't start! The battery was flat. I called roadside assistance again, hoping they'd get the same guy to turn around and come back. But they wouldn't. They told me someone would come within an hour. I was so annoyed. I mean, the guy who opened my car was probably only a street away!

I called David to tell him. He started laughing again. He volunteered to come and recharge the battery himself because he had the equipment. I told him not to worry because the guy could've gotten there before him.

I felt pretty stupid at having wasted so much time because of my lack of focus. But not as stupid as I felt today in the morning.

I was about to go to work when I switched on the car and lo and behold, it wouldn't start! I tried to switch it on a few times but nothing. I ran upstairs to tell my Dad. He said, "Is the break in Parking?" and I was like, "Of course!" Why would I not put it in Park when I've been doing that for the last few years, ever since I started driving? Then he started saying that I wrecked the battery. I was like, "But I had it on for over half an hour yesterday, just as the guy said!" (Whine, whine)

Called up work to tell them I was going to be late. My boss was really nice and said, "That's ok, take your time". When the guy arrived, he checked the battery and said, "It's fine. Try to start it". So I tried but it wouldn't work. The guy was puzzled by this and said, "The battery is definitely not the problem". I wanted to tell Dad, "I told you so!" but I kept quiet and hoped it wasn't something worse.

Then the guy got inside my car and said, "Oh! Your car is in Drive! You can't start it unless it's in Park!" Maybe he felt my embarrassment because he added, "It's hard to see here in the dark". My Dad shook his head and said, "Children," like I was ten or something! I hoped the guy didn't hear him.

From now on, I will tick off things on my mental list:
- break: off
- gear: park
- keys: in bag
- bag: in hand
- brain: (hopefully still with me)

Just the Two of Us

The "Be All" or "End All" or even the could be "Nothing at All" trip with David was a huge success. I'm currently sufferring withdrawal symptoms from not having him with me. You'd think that almost four days of being together would make me crave a break but it's quite the opposite. I'm feeling restless and crave to tell him every detail that's happened since I got home. I want to tell him about Mum's interrogations and my grandma's (from POB) questioning over the phone.

Living with him for a few days was a good learning experience. Here are some new things I've learnt:

1. He snores so loudly, it's like having my alarm ringing the whole night.

2. Going through airport security might always take longer. David was stopped on the way there and back for a more thorough check. I don't want to assume anything but I can't help but wonder if it's because he's dark and people are paranoid.

3. He really does accept me the way I am.

Pretty much as soon as we got there, we had an argument. I got a call from a doctor about a very personal matter and I didn't want to tell him what it was about. Of course he got upset that I didn't trust him. Sure I could've lied and made something up but I didn't want to do that. I just wanted him to understand that I didn't want to explain. Not because of him, but for my own reasons. He got all serious and quiet. Since his mood always manages to influence mine, I got upset that the holiday we looked forward to for so long was starting off on such a sour note.

Since we were both annoyed, we went back to the hotel where he managed to make me tell him everything. I don't know whether it was his usual way of making me feel like whatever the issue, it's not going to be a problem or I decided that I might as well tell him while I had the opportunity and if he can't deal with it, better know about it now.

This whole thing reminded me of when I couldn't tell him he was my first boyfriend. I was so embarrassed. After I told him, my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to pop out. I was so anxious to see his reaction. (I was glad I imagined different ways to tell him this before because I used some of my ideas to make it seem less of a big deal.)

When I finished, he sighed so loudly, I thought he was going to break up with me. He said, "That's it?!!! You know how worried you had me?!" Have no idea what he was expecting me to say. I mean, I did tell him from the start it was a call from a doctor so I guess maybe he thought I had some disease. He then said I was perfect and not to worry about [this problem] at all because he didn't care about it. He started making jokes and making light out of something that worried me for such a long time. I was so close to tears because I've never felt so relieved and accepted in my life. Finally I had nothing to hide from him anymore. I knew he loved me the way I was. It was everything I ever wanted to feel.

After that, the holiday was completely wonderful (even including little annoyances). When we took a little cruise down the river, the captain said that we looked like we were on our honeymoon. That made me smile.

It was so cool to come back to our little holiday apartment at the end of each day. Ordinary things like having dinner together or both of us going to buy some groceries for breakfast was a completely different world to me. I loved every second of it.

We've already stared planning our next trip.

My Most Missed Possession

I miss a lot of things about uni, but nothing quite like my precious student card. It was my ticket to half-fare public transport, discounted movie tickets and lots of other money-saving things.

Last week when I was buying a train ticket, the ticket man actually asked me if I had a student card. I almost cringed when I said, "No..." Like I wouldn't show it to him if I had one! Oh, oops, I forgot that I can get concession, thanks for reminding me. Ugh.

Graffiti

"You asked what was more important to me, you or my life. I told you, 'My life' and you walked away, not knowing that YOU WERE MY LIFE!"

- anonymous, back of a train seat

Testing Times

I didn't hurry to the platform from which I was supposed to catch my connecting train and just missed one. I sat down on the nearest bench to wait for the next one. Then, I thought that since I have some time, I'll just move to the next bench (since it was closer to the exit of the station at which I had to get off).

A couple of seconds after I sat down, I felt something warm drop on my head. I put my hand to touch my hair and what do you know, a bird pooped on my head. I looked up to see a fat pigeon fly away. To make myself feel better I tried to think of those face masks that are made of mud (which is really made up of about the same stuff as what birds eat). It was all a part of nature and really nothing disgusting. This thinking helped me get through it.

The whole incident just reinstated my hatred for birds. They should be taught some manners and behave like normal people (i.e. not go to the toilet on the heads of others).

I'm glad I had more than a couple of tissues with me. I kept wiping and wiping my head and probably looked like some weirdo. Then when I got to work, I tried to wash off that spot in the bathroom. Some lady came in and gave me a look. She probably thought I was some obsessive compulsive who had to wash a patch of her hair even at work. I bet she never had to experience such gross things and therefore would not understand.

Oh why did I have to walk slowly and miss my original train. And why did I have to move to the other bench, especially that the original turned out to be closer to the carriage which stopped near the exit at my station.

Even remembering it now (after I properly washed my hair) makes me feel really grossed out. Although, I did think, "I'll have a story to write in my blog".

Today, I also got moved to my manager's spot and got a better overview of what I'm going to be responsible for. I've decided that I wouldn't mind working here for longer than my contract because it would give me a very benficial experience that would improve my chances of getting into publishing. Not only do I get to design stuff, I also get to write articles for the company's newsletter (which gets sent out to thousands of people all over Australia).

And the people aren't that bad. I talked to some guy who sits next to me and he seemed friendly enough. Although, I couldn't help but think "I'm younger than all of you but have one of the highest positions". That felt good. REALLY good.

My manager seems to be a really great one because he's open to new ideas. Like, when I suggested something, he said, "Just because we've never done it that way, doesn't mean that we can't change to it". So now he told me to use my idea from now on. How cool is that? And I loved showing him one way of doing something quicker and better. It was cool to see him excited about it because he wasted a lot of time doing it the long way.

I SOOOOO hope they will keep me after my contract because my position will be open. My main objective is to not ruin my good first impression. That's always so hard.

Surprises

First of all, I'm so glad my comments are working again!

Secondly, the matchmaking game is over. Claud's brother isn't interested and could only recommend one of his womanising (according to Claudia) friends. My (yes, I own her) 29 year old doesn't need anyone like that. To be honest, I'm disappointed. I sort of expected it but I still had some hope that it might work.

Funnily though is that some stranger tried playing a bit of a matchmaker with me. When we were out clubbing last night, some girl came up and started talking to me. She looked a bit familiar (kinda like a bad version of Alicia Silverstone, which is still pretty good if you think about it) so I pretended that I remembered her. Turned out I didn't know her. She just came up to tell me that her friend wanted to talk to me but was too shy to come up himself and if I could go and talk to him. My ego shot up since that never happened before. Of course being me, I got a bit suspicious and wondered if this was some joke this girl was playing with her friends. Nadine was rolling her eyes at this moment. Amelia was getting a drink so she didn't witness this.

I asked which guy and when she pointed I couldn't tell 'cause the dance floor was so crowded. I told the girl if this guy wanted to talk to me, he can come up himself. So she went back to tell him that and while I was trying to see who it was and hoping that he could at least be a little cute, this not very attractive guy comes up.

Even though at first I thought it was a bit cowardly to get his friend to do all the work but then I realised that if he came up himself, I probably would've ignored him. This guy seemed really shy because he kept trying to initiate a lot of small-talk and I wasn't helping in making conversation. First of all, it was really loud so I could barely hear him. Then, his whole group of friends were watching us. I did ask him some things though 'cause I didn't want to disregard him just because of his looks. So later I disregarded him because he wasn't very smart. A more plausible reason. I know I would hate it if I ignored some guy who had the personality I was looking for because I wasn't attracted to him (and honestly, I can usually find something in a guy to be attracted to physically if I like his personality, even though it would've been really hard with this one). This was also after I asked about his friends (he could've had good ones but the only ok one seemed to be the girl who came up to me).

I was glad when Amelia came back and after 5-10 more minutes, I said good bye and we went to the courtyard. For once I was worried if the guy would feel rejected (which he was) 'cause I don't want anyone (nice) to feel like that. Nadine said that she just tells everyone to 'f*** off' no matter who they are. I think I just understand the pain of rejection (even from no one specific) better than she does. I don't mind ignoring random sleazy guys but I feel for the ones who have friends who care enough to help them.

And I think it's also the fact that I stood out to him (since I'm pretty sure he wasn't getting his friend to ask every girl since she walked past quite a few, including Nadine). Why can't I stand out to smart guys? But I'm not complaining. It was a pleasant surprise and I like those.

And I didn't expect to get a second one (which was something I DEFINITELY did not see coming.)

Before I mention the best part of the night, I have to say that when we went to the courtyard there was a fight going on and I saw a bouncer throw a guy's head into a metal table. I've never seen such violence in real life before (and it's definitely not like the movies). I've seen worse on TV and wasn't as affected by it as seeing it in front of my face.

When I saw the guy's head crash into the table, I automatically looked away. Nadine and Amelia have seen this before and were saying, "Yay! It's a fight! We get free entertainment". I hate violence so much I don't see the fun in watching it. Some people were standing up on chairs (including Nadine) to get a better view, like it was some show. When Amelia said, "At least, it's not *********. They would've already sorted things out with guns" which freaked me out because she put the idea of shooting in my head. Although, I guess it would've already happened.

I made them go back inside with me to dance. Fortunately, that guy and his friends were not in sight. At around 2, it started getting empty so we decided to head home. Amelia's bus came straight away but mine wasn't due in 40 minutes so Nadine waited with me. We really got to catch up last night. It's strange that even though we're more different than we've ever been (and we always were opposites), we can still talk like family.

Earlier that night, she was telling us about her friends/boyfriend dramas. And even though she has lots of guy friends, boyfriend and guys who like her, I wasn't even a bit envious. I do not want a boyfriend who smokes pot or friends who get drunk every other night and guy friends who are extremely rude and no respect between anyone. I was scared to ask her if she smoked too now but was glad when she said she didn't.

Apparently her new boyfriend is shorter than her and she doesn't care (which is admirable since her previous boyfriends were really attractive tall and smart guys). She said she lowered her standards because she realised that her current boyfriend really cares for her, not like the others. So it doesn't bother her that he takes drugs.

She knows I don't agree with all this and she said she understood why I don't but it doesn't bother her. Oh well, everyone's different.

At the club, she also asked me what kind of guy I wanted so I told her the summary. She said that the 'doesn't get drunk' part rules out all her friends except one but he doesn't fit the 'funny/witty' part which Amelia found quite funny. I told her I'd be impressed if she found someone for me. She said she'd keep her eyes open. Good luck to her. I said that basically I wanted an improved male version of myself and Amelia said that perfect people don't exist. Who needs a boyfriend when I have a friend like that?

When we were sitting at the bus stop, there were lots of people but they were all quiet and could hear quite clearly Nadine's quite personal stories. She didn't care. She even told me about her 20 year old friend who got married recently and was trying to get pregnant who called her up to ask where the 'hole' is. I'm surprised everyone didn't turn around. Only one woman did. I was squirming so much in my seat. Nadine couldn't care less that there were 50 people who were listening to us. She probably didn't even realise. She can be very unaware of herself.

When I sat down in the bus I noticed how some guy sat next to a girl in front of me and they started chatting. It reminded me of BG. But most things do so it's no big deal. Some old guy sat next to me. Why couldn't BG sat next to me? Ok, I'll stop with pointless questions. Since my ride was long and it was late, I decided to go to sleep. But a few minutes later, the guy next to me bumped into me when the bus turned because he decided to go to sleep too. I moved closer to the window and made him see that it was because of him. So I closed my eyes again when he bumped into me again, much harder this time. I know the bus made a really sharp turn but I'm sure he could've held on. He looked at me and apologised and I looked at him to say it's ok. And wait a second, this wasn't an old guy. This was a cute young guy.

Ah, who cares what he looked like, not like anything could happen. So I closed my eyes for like the third time and 5 minutes later, the bus turned and he sharply bumped into me again. I gave him an 'Again?!' look and he became alert and said he was really sorry, he was just really tired. And he smiled a really sweet smile. (But, don't worry, I'm not naive enough to fall for guys with sweet smiles.)

I said he had an extra hour of sleep (since daylight savings ended - something I found out only an hour before). He said it was great 'cause he had to pick up his brother from the airport today in the morning. He, then, asked me where I was tonight so I just said the area, rather than the place. It's not like I knew him. Then, I don't remember who said what but somehow we ended up chatting about trains and buses and where we lived. There's nothing like public transport to bring people closer together.

While we were talking, I was thinking, "This is almost deja vu from last year. There's no Amy here, everything depends on me! I've been given a second chance." I was thinking of saying "You look familiar" but that seemed like too much of an embarrassing pick-up line. Asking his name would've been a bit odd too since I haven't actually talked to him about anything other than public transport (unlike with BG).

When he had to get off, he said something and looked like he was waiting for an answer but I didn't hear what he said other than 'taxi' which he mentioned earlier he had to catch. I guess I don't really regret anything I haven't done 'cause I know it would've been inappropriate to just ask him his name since we didn't know anything about each other. I guess I could've said, "Did you go to [my] uni by any chance?" but I didn't think of it then.

Also, when he got up, he looked a bit older than I thought. But it's really hard to tell whether he was 22 or 30. And he was wearing a pale pink shirt. Do straight guy wear pink? Or am I just stereotying?

Maybe buses (or trains) are the places for me to meet RG. Especially night ones because everyone's more talkative then.

Train Observation #67

Yesterday, on the train there was a lady reading a magazine. On the page there was some pretty girl and a large title saying 'I Hate My Body'. Then I saw a lady in a wheelchair, holding onto the pole when the train was jerky. And I thought, people have no right to hate their bodies if they function.

Surprise

I was thinking about BG again while I was getting on the train. Imagining how happy I would be if I saw him again, when I felt someone pull my arm. I turned around and saw...

Amy.

You didn't think it was him, did you?

Her again. Why do I have to see HER and not HIM?!!!

Mood: Bad

Something happened today and it made me feel worse than I already do. I don't want to say what it was 'cause I think I'm getting too worried of how people who read my blog perceive me. Not that's it's anything too horrible and I'm sure lots of people would be able to relate but I need to pretend, at least to myself, that it hasn't happened.

Train Observations
After work, I got into the full train where no matter where you look, it seems like you're staring at someone. And in front of me was a young European couple obviously travelling around Australia and they just couldn't keep their hands off each other. I really wanted to tell them to stop 'cause it's not like I could look anywhere else since the guy was standing below me on the steps and the girl was towering above me and I was squished in the corner. Couldn't look down. Couldn't look up. Couldn't look sideways.

Sometimes I entertain myself on the train by guessing who's single and who's not. I wonder if I look really bitter. I probably do 'cause I am.

Work

Since I'm seated in the corner and can't talk to everyone else without yelling, some woman must've felt sorry for me and came over to talk. She asked how old I was and said I looked really young. I've been told this twice in one week! Maybe she meant, young for 30. When I was young, people always told me I was mature and I hated that. Maybe that's why I like to act childish now.

A few more women came to talk to me which was nice. The atmosphere is really good there. Everyone is warm and friendly. But the actual job sucks. I guess I can't have everything.