The Most Traumatic Life Experience

The Most Traumatic Life Experience

I saw a bit of Steve Irwin's memorial. And even though everyone kept emphasising how much he contributed to conservation and what a great ambassador he was for wildlife, all I kept thinking was how horrible it was for his wife and kids (and Dad). Just the thought of losing your partner is just too much. I cannot think of anything more horrible.

I read ages ago that losing your partner is the number one of traumatic experiences.

While I was watching the memorial, I kept getting flashes of losing... I don't even want to say.

Anyway, I need to stop thinking such depressing thoughts. They just upset me too much.

The Blue-eyed Baby

When Penelope Cruz said that Katie's and Tom's baby was the most beautiful one she's ever seen, I didn't think much of it. Then today when I was procrastinating at work by reading the news, I saw Suri's (where did they even come up with that name?) picture.

And wow, I have never seen a more beautiful baby.



She looks so much like her mother which is probably why she's already quite gorgeous.

Lives of the Famous

I was never one to be obsessed with celebrities but lately I find myself more and more interested in their lives.

When I found out that Britney Spears had a blog, I was as excited as getting ready to a read a good book. Unfortunately I was disappointed as Britney doesn't write too often.

Watching Newlyweds was also very addictive and now I can't help but be interested in what's going on in Jessica and Nick's lives. Today Jessica and John Mayer made the news. Why is people falling in love such a newsworthy event if they are famous? (I'll be interested to see where that goes though.)

When Lindsay Lohan is mentioned, even though I know it's probably something to do with her partying ways again, I can't not read it.

A morning radio show did a segment on celebrities and one host asked the other if he would leave his partner if his favourite celebrity asked him out. I couldn't believe he couldn't answer straight away! He had to think about it! How can you even know you'd like the celebrity if you don't personally know him/her?

Apparently that's how Madonna and Guy Ritchie got together. Guy had a girlfriend at the time and when Madonna showed interest, he told his girlfriend "I love you but it's Madonna!" I was thinking, "SO WHAT?!" (especially Madonna - ew, but that's my irrelevant personal opinion).

I may be interested in celebrities' personal lives but I couldn't care less about meeting them. Although going over to Britney's or Katie's house to hang out could be interesting...

I never understood people's fascination with the lives of the famous, and I still don't. Why do I care so much what happens to them? Is it because they are beautiful? Glamourous? Exciting?

I honestly don't know. All I know is that I will be checking Jessica Simpson's blog next.

Darren't Support

Darren Hayes is gay.

I always had my suspicions but never truly believed it. That was before I saw him live (and got to see his mannerisms - very different to the ones in his video clips) and especially before I saw on the news break that he was getting married, to his boyfriend!

Of course his sexuality doesn't affect me in the slightest but I feel a little disappointed that I used to imagine him... you know, in that way. Well, not exactly that way, but close enough. Ew.

Don't think I've mentioned this but lots of his (Savage Garden's, mostly) songs were like a soundtrack to my life and will always remind me of specific times in my life.

Crash and Burn

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore...

...When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

It was like a lullaby that soothed me as I lied in bed in my foreign exchange host family's house on New Year's Eve, all alone.

Strange Relationship

...You push and pull me and
I'm about to loose my mind
Is this just a waste of time...

...Gimme that strange relationship
Never felt pleasure and pain like this
Something so right but it feels so terribly wrong
I keep holding on
Gimme that strange relationship
One of us gotta let go of this...

...We break up and back together
And I swore to myself never
Oh how you do me
You strip me of my honor
And I don't ever think I'm gonna
Break free of these mind games
All I'm trying to do is modify my plan
'Cause I can't contain you...

...I can't control me...

...I want you back, I want you gone
Maybe I'm sick of holding on...

This one I listened to over and over when Max was on my mind 24/7. Although Darren was probably talking about his feelings for some guy, the lyrics suited the way I felt too.

These two songs were probably the main ones, but I loved all the others too. Each of them took me away. Some were inspiring, some made me want to dance, some soothed me when I was going through the pains of growing up, some made me dream of a sweeter future. And after all those years, I can still listen to them and relate.

Speeding and Shakira

I have two things to say today. They have been at the back of my mind for a while but since they are not important, I keep forgetting to mention them.

1. Since when does the right lane have a speed limit 10km above the legal one?! On the way home from work, I have to drive in the right lane and even though I'm going even a few kilometres above the speed limit, all the cars behind me start to overtake me using the left lane! Like I'm going slow or something!

2. I saw the new Shakira video clip and man, she's the best looking woman I've ever seen.

That's all.

Famously Married

Celebrity mariages are an interesting phenomena. They start off in glamour and full of hope but usually end up in bitterness and loss.

Are they really the same as normal relationships, just in the spotlight? Is it this public attention that puts more strain on these couples?

The romantic part of me wants for all of them to work out. Like take for example, Nick and Jessica. I loved watching the show. Because even though you saw them arguing, it was comforting to believe that deep down they were deeply in love and these little problems were just a part of being human and not perfect. The fact that they were married gave (the romantic) me a sense of certainty that no matter what, they'll be together. They seemed so suited too.

It's sad that being married doesn't mean any sort of committment.

Plus it annoys me when young couples break up and add to the statistics that people marrying early don't stay together.

Rob Thomas Is Not Dead. Eminem's Daugher.

When I turned on the radio, I had 2 thoughts:

1. Ohmigod!! Rob Thomas/Matchbox 20 has a new song!!! (I, then, stopped making dinner and proceeded to listen to it as intently as possible so I could enjoy every bit of it)

2. I wonder what Eminem's daughter is going to be like when she grows up.

Michael Buble

Does Michael Buble have a sexy voice or does he have a sexy voice?

I think I'm in love...

And I love pronouncing his name. It sounds French and cool no matter how you say it.

On Fire

Yesterday was a night I definitely won't forget.

April and I went to Matchbox 20 concert. It was excellent beyond words! Words can't even begin to describe the experince. Thanks to April, we ended up sitting in the absolute best seats (literally). At first we were sitting in the last row in different sections (because we got our tickets late) but then some lady (who worked there) asked the people next to April if they wanted to sit at the front and April asked if she could go too. When the lady said yes, she asked if I could come too but the lady said no because she didn't have time for that but April managed to convince her to let me come. This was all happening while the guy next to me (who smelled of cigarettes) kept telling me how it must suck to not be sitting with my friend. After we left, he must've thought how much it sucked that I got to sit in the front. April got almost hystrerical when we realised that we got the best seats. April (who is usually very conservative) argued to get those seats. She's absolutely the best!

I've been obsessed with Matchbox 20 music for a while now so to hear them live was absolutely amazing! It felt so unreal to be there.

If their music made up a personality of a guy, that guy would be perfect. Rob Thomas is the sexiest celebrity, not to mention extremely talented. The guitarists were also totally awesome (I'm running out of positive adjectives to describe them). Every song has so many layers, musically and lyrically, that it's hard to get bored of the songs. Every time I listen to them, I find something new.

Uni, Music and Celebrities

Two more weeks till the end of the semester. Time flies so fast. I'm almost half way through uni. Amelia said that she wasn't particularly looking forward to the holidays because she likes the uni atmosphere. I just want a break from assignments and exams (and get rid of my gall bladder that's really annoying me).

I don't think my first 1 1/2 years of uni was very productive (apart from the fact that I'm getting closer to getting that piece of paper that will get me a good job). Although it was enjoyable, I didn't make any really important connections with anyone and I need to be connected to people. I thrive on that. Somehow, I just imagined it to be different, more exciting. I don't know... My future never meets my hopes that I have for it.

I really should stop writing here at night. I just can't say anything remotely amusing at this time. I just type out my stream of consciousness. Not a good thing (for me).

I have to work tomorrow. I just can't hide my excitement (and sarcasm). I read somewhere that sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. Does anyone agree with that?

I've been downloading Matchbox 20 songs. They are my favourite band now. Every song fits me. They never got the recognition that they deserve. I also like Everclear (but not as much). Goo Goo Dolls are not too bad either (I heard them live once which was pretty cool). Another favourite band of mine is Savage Garden.

Speaking of celebrities, Norma said something very smart last week. We were talking about Michael Jackson's songs and got onto the topic of Michael Jackson's actions and Norma said, "He's a performer, we don't care about his private life". I couldn't agree more. Somehow, I'm just not that interested in celebrities' lives like so many people are. I don't understand why. I'm very curious about people, but not about celebrities. I prefer 'real' people. People I can relate to. I'd rather read personal blogs that trashy magazines about famous people. Does anyone else feel this way?

Searchin' My Soul

I've been down this road walkin' the line
That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life
That I just can't hide

Oh I believe I am ready for what love has to bring
Got myself together, now I'm ready to sing

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

One by one, the chains around me unwind
Every day now I feel that I can leave those years behind

Oh I've been thinking of you for a long time
There's a side of my life where I've been blind and so...

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
Everything gonna be alright
I've been searchin' my soul tonight
Don't wanna be alone in life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

Baby I been holding back now my whole life
I've decided to move on now
Gonna leave all my worries behind

Oh I belive I am ready for what love has to give
Got myself together now I'm ready to live

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
Everything gonna be alright
I've been searchin' my soul tonight
Don't wanna be alone in my life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

“Ally McBeal” has officially ended yesterday and I’m missing the characters as if they were real people. I mean it was the only show that I really loved. Ally is my all time favourite fictional character. I can relate to her values and dreams. She was such a complex person, yet so likeable. I even cried at the end of the episode and I never cried at a TV show. I only cried a couple of times after a few movies (Beaches, Stepmom). I was bawling my eyes as if someone died. I couldn’t believe myself. I guess the characters did 'die' because their world disappeared forever and I can never get a glimpse into it again. Maybe it was because it was late at night and people usually get more emotional at night. I don’t know. I’m listening to the “Ally McBeal” soundtrack now. I haven’t listened it for years. I got it just when the show was in its beginning. I swear it’s the soundtrack to my life. I can’t believe I’m obsessing over a show so much. Maybe I’ll miss it so much because I watched it from the beginning to the end. I’ll stop rambling about it. I’ll get over it after I’ll talk about it with April. She’ll understand. It was like the only show we talked about all through our high school years. We probably became friends because of the show. I’m probably dramatising the whole thing but I really loved the show. Okay, I know you get it so I’ll change the subject.

I watched the Michael Jackson special yesterday. I don’t know why since his face is capable of giving me nightmares. I was glued to the screen, listening to him. That man is beyond repair and I have nothing but great pity for him and his children. He talks crazy and doesn’t realise how selfishly he treats his children. I hope they won’t suffer great psychological damage but what are the chances of that when they’re living in some unreal world. Michael Jackson is beyond human. He’s like some disillusioned child in a distorted adult’s body. Anyway.

You know how I mentioned that I was supposed to show an overseas girl around? Well, I was going to call her yesterday but just before I did, Mum told me that she didn’t come. She cancelled at the last minute. Something to do with her dancing. Not exactly sure what. Maybe she got picked to dance in some popular production. Who knows. Oh well. I was kinda looking forward to it. Of course I’d rather show a guy around but if he didn’t come, I would be even more disappointed. And I like meeting new people so maybe that’s part of the disappointment.