The Lives of My Friends

Dear Sky,

I'm getting nervous about getting married and my boyfriend hasn't even proposed yet!

We've been together for four years. We talk about marriage A LOT but nothing ever comes out of it. I can see myself spending my life with him but some things about him make me nervous. What if he has an affair? You hear it happens to people who never expect it. He also doesn't want to have kids but I do. He's great with others' kids so he's probably only going through a phase and will change his mind.

He can also be very immature but all guys are at this age, aren't they? Does quarter-life crisis exist? I think he might be having one.

I don't know what to do. Is this the guy for me?

- nervous and confused

Dear nervous and confused,

Get a hold of yourself! If you're getting cold feet before you're even engaged, you're not ready to marry this guy. You have to put your feelings and emotions aside for a little while (as hard as it is to do) and assess your capatability with him rationally.

If you think he might cheat, you obviously don't trust him. A successful relationship cannot exist without trust. Has he given you reason to feel this way or are you getting influenced by things you hear in the media? If it's the latter, you're being too easily influenced by people who shouldn't influence you at all. You have to know his character (which after four years, you should have a clear picture) to see that he's strong enough not to be swayed away from you or give in to weaknesses.

As for kids, that's not something to be taken lightly. If he says he doesn't want to have kids, you have no guarantee that he will change his mind. This sort of 'phase' can last a lifetime.

Immaturity doesn't always disappear with age. Some people have that condition all their lives.

A quarter-life crisis exists in people's heads. Age is no excuse for doing out-of-character things.

Having said all of the above, it doesn't mean that this guy isn't the one for you. He very well might be. Sometimes it's easier to convince yourself that he's the one because you have a history with him that you don't want to throw away. Unfortunately, the longer you wait the worse it will get if in the end you realise he's not the one you want. But only you can decide that.

Love Sky

Dear Sky,

My boyfriend and I have been together since high school. I am ready to take the next step and make a formal committment. The problem is that I know he's not. He has not grown up enough to be the adult partner I want him to be.

For example, we have planned on going overseas next year and as I was about to book the tickets, he called to tell me that he didn't want to go because he wanted to save up for a car. I was devastated because I was really looking forward to it.

I am also looking to buy a property but there's no way I'd want him to move in. I would just end up picking after him. He needs to grow up first.

My parents love him but I am not sure anymore if I want spend my life with him.

I also have a problem with him not caring what I do. He wouldn't even care if I had a stripper for my hen's night. He also never argues which really annoys me. I'd rather he screamed than stayed silent. I even try to provoke him to get any reaction but it doesn't have any effect on him.

Should I wait until he grows up?

- Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

Sounds like you're stuck with a guy out of habit. You might've had things in common when you were teenagers but it seems you don't anymore.

His last-minute cancellation on your trip shows not only his lack of reliability but also his complete lack of consideration.

The fact that you don't want to move in with him out of fear that you'd be like a mother figure is a big neon sign that says "Mismatch!" He's not a child anymore and should be able to look after himself.

Of course your parents love him - they only see the surface - his good job, his charm etc. That's not enough for you because you need some quality and substance underneath the perfect exterior to make your relationship work.

If you feel the need to provoke him to get a reaction shows either a bit of immaturity on your part or your need for his attention. If it's attention you want, you need to tell him! It might sound like a cliche but communication is key! If you're being immature, you'd make the perfect couple!

You're right that he still needs to grow up. Unfortunately you never know how long that will take. It's up to you to decide how long you want to wait. Don't wait too long because you don't want to wake up one day when you're 35 and realise that nothing had changed.

Love Sky

Dear all my friends with boyfriends who are 'not ready',

Be strong!!! Make a decision about what you want and stick to it. Let him know where you stand and if he's not standing right there beside you, it's time to cut loose (yes, it will be painful) but not as painful as spending your life with somebody who doesn't realise how lucky he is to have you.

Love you all,
Sky

Real Life Better than Fiction

I'm in love with Latin music. I've been listening to POBian radio and all they play is Latin stuff. They also play POBian songs mixed with Latin ones. The rhythm is so catchy.

I would've loved to pick a Latin style of song for our first dance but we couldn't find anything appropriate. I really wanted something upbeat but most love songs are slow or sad sounding (if you don't understand the lyrics).

I saw Front Up today and I remembered how captivating that show was. For anyone who never heard of it, there's one guy who walks around Australian cities and starts talking to random people about their lives. It's amazing how much interesting information he gets out of them. One of my favourite documentaries. My other favourite is the 7 Up series and Promises.

Everyone at work has been so wonderful. I've had about five people come up to me and say how sad they are to see me go. I've never felt more appreciated in any other workplace. I really hope people like me at my next job. There's so much bureaucracy in government. So many procedures and processes to make everything 'fair'. They just take lengthy amounts of time 'causing me to leave this job even though everybody is happy with me and I'm happy to be there.

One woman said to me, "It'll be good for you to get out of this retirement village". She didn't understand that I didn't mind. Even the 63 year old next to me is great for a chat. Who knows how the 'young' people are going to be at my next job.

I'm trying to look it at it as a new adventure. I just hope I can get maternity leave when I want to. My probationary period is a year! Never heard of any that long. Not that they can fire me if I get pregnant but still. And I don't want to be like, "Oh, it was an accident" and look like some naive young girl.

The wedding invitations are taking me much longer than planned. I created such a huge job for myself. David offered to help but I'd rather do it myself and not have anyone to blame if something's not perfect. I feel like a one-woman factory. I did the first part. The next involves pasting in all the details and adding decorations.

On Saturday, David and I are going to look for our furniture. I'm so happy we like the same stuff. Last weekend, we had the same opinion about everything we saw. Now that we know what's around, we'll be more goal-orientated.

Claudia is also looking for a place to buy. April and I were surprised that she wasn't moving in with Mike. April said that Claudia told her that they never discussed their future. I (and April) could never be like that. I have to know every detail of where the relationship is going. Don't want to be getting any nasty surprises several years down the track.

So happy with my life right now. I have everything I could possibly want. Never thought I'd be so lucky. Enjoying every moment. Who knows how long it'll last.

But then...

You know that movie scene where the two main characters are about to kiss and the atmosphere is all charged, their lips come close... but then the phone rings? They hold still, almost thinking that the phone will stop and the scene can continue but the phone keeps ringing for so long that any built-up tension disappears.

And the audience thinks, "Typical".

Well, when David and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary on the weekend and we were in the middle of a very similar moment, my mobile rang. Since it wouldn't stop, I reached for it and saw that it was Christine. I decided not to pick up. Didn't want to give any explanations on what I was doing and decline any invitations to meet them.

Today, I called Christine and explained that I didn't hear my phone and when I realised, it was too late to call back. Surprisingly she didn't believe a word of it and said, "It's ok, we thought you didn't want to be interrupted" with a knowing smile in her voice.

I was a bit embarrassed because it was true. I guess she had many similar moments with Evan.

Makes you realise cliches aren't only in movies; they densely populate real life too.

Marrying Young

My relatives came over today to celebrate my Mum's birthday. The conversation steered towards my upcoming wedding. My aunt, Naomi, and her mum were only too eager to impart some advice.

"Sky, do everything while you're still young. Get married, have kids. It gets too hard when you get to your 30s," said Aunt Jemma.

"First time I was pregnant, everything went really easily but the second time when I was 30, I had to have extra tests to make sure the baby was ok. There's a bigger chance something might go wrong," added Naomi.

"Australians here think very differently. They have careers in their twenties and then stop their lives to have kids. What, you have kids and that's it?"

"It's much harder to get back into the workforce when you're older."

I think that sort of mentality I've inherited from POBian culture. It just makes perfect sense to me. My attitude towards marriage and kids is so different to all of my friends. While they think I'm too young to get married, let alone to have kids, I feel like I'd rather do that now then when I'm 30.

First of all, I feel ready and getting married to David is not such a difficult decision. Secondly, even though kids obviously do change your life, I don't plan for my own life to stop because of them. Everyone in my family is a perfect example of how you can have kids and have a life (e.g. satisfying career, travel, going out).

Of course we all have a big support network behind us where there's always a grandparent or an uncle or aunty willing to help out. One woman from work said that her parents don't want to help out with her kids since they've raised theirs and now want a break. So I'm sure once this woman becomes a grandparent, she's going to be very reluctant to help out her kids since she's never gotten any help.

This is how my family is different. Since my grandparents helped to raise me and my brother, my parents would only be too happy to pass on this help to us. And I would be happy to do the same for my own kids. David's family is the same.

I think marriage has bad publicity here with high divorce rates and people wanting to have their independence. In all honesty, a marriage is a partnership, you always have to think about the other person and help them out. That's the beauty of it. You always have someone you can rely on and who will be there and have you as their top priority. I don't mind giving up my independence for that.

I've had more than enough of independence. I just want to depend on somebody.

The M Word

A couple has been going out for a while. The guy says, "We've been going out for a while, I think we should take the next step". The girl thinks, "Ohmygod, he's going to propose". The guy says, "Would you move in with me?"

Yes, asking to move in is the new step between dating and marriage. At least it seems to be nowadays.

Personally, I'm against it. You can blame that opinion on my mother who convinced me that such a thing was a bad bad idea.

In theory, moving in together before marriage seems like a great concept, right? I mean it's like a trial run for marriage.

Only not quite so. When you move in together, you still have your stuff divided (e.g. bank accounts) so you might have problems over dividing the bills. Then, if you have a big argument, it would be just so easy to separate, whereas if you are married you'd try harder to work things out. Because big arguments pass.

April is all for moving in first. She says it's better to get separated than get divorced. But moving in doesn't have the commitment of marriage. You don't need to try to work things out when it's much simpler to just move out.

Some people say that marriage is just a piece of paper. If if it's just a piece of paper, why can't you just get it, huh? I say - excuses of commitment phobics.

Another problem I have with moving in together is how do you move on to marriage from that? Let's say, you've worked out your problems and have settled in happily. What next? Guys are usually reluctant to propose, especially when they have all they need. No need to go that extra step.

In order for marriage to work, both parties have to go into it with a full plan for living together, and complete consideration of this important life decision. It should not be taken lightly. Both people have to be full committed to it.

I mean, of course the transition would be difficult. Merging lives isn't easy and is a huge change. Much better to go into it with a plan to stay, rather than "will see how it goes".

If you think you might not be able to live with your partner, why move in at all?

From my own experience, I already know that moving in with David will be extremely difficult for me. I mean I honestly don't know how I'd be able to sleep with someone who snores and doesn't see the importance of closing the toilet lid. (All I had to do was go on a holiday with him to find that out.) But am I willing to leave him because of that? Of course not!

When you love a person, and I mean really love them, you would be fine with putting up with many things because in the end, you just want to be with them.

For Love

Who knew love can test you so much. I always thought that true love was easy - it just happily bopped along the path of life with nothing in its way. Then again, that was my just idealistic view, always supported by my optimism and hope. As they say, "Hope dies last".

I have not had an easy week. Can't even believe it was only a week. Felt like an eternity. The beginning of questioning love is a sign that it must not be true after all. That's what I thought anyway.

That scared me. I thought my fairytale was at the beginning of the end. That was it for me. I was going to end up alone after all. The worst thing was that I couldn't talk to anyone about it. My best friend was involved and it was too personal to share with April or anyone. I was going to write a blog entry about how eveyone is alone anyway, even if you have all the love in the world. At the end of the day, it's just you with yourself.

At first my hope triumphed, easing the pain. I kept telling myself everything would turn out fine in the end. But when this 'end' was nowhere in sight, I started to wonder if I should start getting over it. And that was the most difficult thing in the world. I don't remember crying so much in consecutive days.

I guess I imagined him to fix everything, as always. For him to come running and tell me that he would do what I wanted and my happiness was all that mattered to him. After lots of arguing, discussing, talking and hitting brick walls (figuratively speaking), I realised that I would never have what I wanted, no matter how loud I kicked and screamed, and no logic or reason would convince him to do it my way.

I thought, "He doesn't love me enough", "Do I really want to be with someone who's not willing to sacrifice for me? Someone who wouldn't put my happiness before his?"

I was on the edge of letting it go.

Then I thought, either I end up alone and regret this forever, or I could let him have his way (even though I didn't understand it).

I asked him questions, hoping his answers would give me a hint if he was worth it and if he would let me have my way next time or if I'd always have to be the one to budge. His replies didn't help. Maybe 'cause that thing called hope was still there, hoping that he would finally let me have my way.

Finally my pride kicked in. I decided enough was enough. Either I stayed and be unhappy or I went and be unhappy. But feeling emotional pain every single day was just ridiculous.

So I let go. I told him we'd do it his way if he could promise me it wasn't always going to be me who had to compromise.

He told me he would let me do anything I wanted because he was so happy we'd do it his way this time. I could see he was truly grateful and my selfish self thought, "Now I have the upper hand". I told him what I wanted in the future and he said he would give me all that.

I learnt one very important thing this week - don't wait for someone else to make you happy, you are the only one who can decide to be happy.

I didn't think giving into him would make me happy. I thought I'd resent him but the weird thing is that I don't. I feel strangely light-hearted.

He said to me, "I'm glad you finally understand where I'm coming from" and I replied, "Actually I still don't understand or agree with your point of view but I'm happy to go with it anyway because I love you".

This was my sacrfice for love and I'm not planning on doing any other any time soon.

Late Night Chatter

It's half past midnight and I don't want to sleep.

This is amazing as I usually start to get sleepy around 10pm and fall asleep as soon as my head touches the pillow.

Don't know what's so different about today.

My parents had a party so I went to David's house. We had a bit of an argument. I think he wishes I was more of an activist and cared about the state of the world, people and environment. And not only cared but tried to do something to improve it.

I had to explain to him that's just not in my personality. I'm too selfish. I only care about people I love and not strangers on the other side of the world. I don't believe I can make a change so I'm not motivated to do anything. I know I can make people around me happier so that's something I try to do. I doubt sending money to some child in poverty is going to make any difference. I don't trust charities and don't believe the money goes where it's supposed to.

He got quite upset and said that ignoring the 'problem' was being part of the 'problem'. I told him I didn't see any 'problem' and was quite happy and satisfied with things the way they were. He got agitated and said, "Are you happy that people are getting killed and we're wrecking the environment?!" I replied, "I don't see how I caused people to be killed" and he said, "You support governments who do that". That really angered me for obvious reasons. And then, he had the nerve to accuse me of 'accepting things the way they are and not questioning anything'. I mean, honestly! This coming from a guy who believes in God.

Anyway, same old argument again. Got resolved in the same old way. I'm sure it won't be the last time.

I noticed that David and I are in a new phase of our relationship. We no longer have the intense urge to talk to each other every second we're together. We're quite happy doing our own thing, as long as we're in the same vacinity.

For example, on Thursday night when David was here, I was chatting to April online while he was watching the news.

I guess this could be attributed to the fact that we've been seeing each other almost every day and don't feel like we have to make the most of every minute.

To be honest, before I used to be scared that we'd be the sort of couple who doesn't talk all the time they're together and who doesn't desperately need to spend every second with each other. I thought that meant that we don't find each other as fascinating as we once did and that the 'spark' was gone. But now I realise that I love what we have now. We've reached that sort of comfort level with each other where we don't need to speak all the time, we're happy to be silent, as long as the other one is near by.

We now accept each other a lot more. We know each other a lot better so there's no need to talk about ourselves as much. Before we used to talk non-stop about what our lives were like before we met. Now we know all that. We know when the other is upset or why without saying a word. I feel unconditionally loved so don't care about feeling grumpy or irritable in front of him. I know he won't leave me over it.

He puts up with me even when I'm not in the easiest mood. During those times he calls me his 'grumpy ant'. I asked him, "Why ant?" and he said, "'Cause you're small and a hard worker". I told him I didn't know whether to take it as an insult or a compliment.

He learnt how to say 'darling' in POBian and continually practices it. It's adorable. I asked him how to say 'darling' in Spanish and he said "Papi chulo". So I called him that for a while, every time 'causing him to burst into laughter. I said, "Is it my accent?" and he replied, "Yes, baby, it's the accent. You say it so cute".

Then I decided to look it up because I had my suspicions about what it meant. Google it and you'll see what I mean. That cheeky boy. Even though now I know it doesn't mean 'darling', I say it anyway just to make him laugh. It never fails.

I can't wait to see him tomorrow... I miss him like crazy already.

He really wanted me to stay over but I felt uncomfortable doing that 'cause that meant he had to sleep in his sister's room.

Can't wait till our weekend away (in 2 weeks)!

Went to the dance class today and there were only two other girls there so some other instructors joined in. I started feeling really uncomfortable because not only were they excellent dancers but they also looked hot. All fit and toned and tanned. Even though I'm pretty average, I felt huge and jiggly.

I told David about it later and he said, "Man, they're plain! They've got nothing to show. You're beautiful. Flat skinny girls are ugly. I hate that look. You're perfect. I love the way you look." Although that was kinda offensive to flat skinny girls, it made me feel better 'cause as you can probably tell, I'm not very secure with how I look. And I'm not built to be skinny. Although I could definitely tone up.

I came up with a resolution for next year on my way back to the train station. I need to smile more. All the dancers were beaming the whole time while my face was neutral. I don't think smiling comes naturally to me. I feel fake always smiling. I wish I was a smiley person, you know the type. They always got a smile glued to their face, making them appear very inviting and friendly and warm.

People probably think I'm not happy 'cause I don't smile for no reason.

Well, now I'm getting sleepy. Good night!

Black and White

As people who read this would know, I'm in a multi-racial relationship. Even though that's technically the truth, I don't feel it all. Probably because when I think of 'multi-racial' relationships, I imagine a very dark African man and a fair blonde woman. Or a Caucasian guy and an Asian woman. Just two people who look very obviously different.

And although David and I are different, it's not that obvious. We could pass for two Europeans. What I mean is people wouldn't notice our difference in the streets.

A couple of days ago, David said to me, "I don't think our kids would look like me. They'll be white". I told him that wasn't necessarily true, they could get his genes. Then David said that they'd probably be white because half his genes are from his Dad who had brown hair, fair skin and green eyes.

I asked him if he cared and he said something I didn't expect. He said, "This may sound racist but I'd prefer if they were white, they'd have less problems if they go overseas".

He said that even in South America he experienced discrimination because of his skin colour. That shocked me because he's pretty fair for a Latin American guy. He explained that even in South America there's discrimination against dark coloured people since there are plenty of Caucasian looking people.

I remembered seeing on Oprah that even Africans prefer lighter shades of brown so maybe the South American thing is similar.

We are so lucky to live in Australia where most people couldn't care less what you look like or where you're from. David's Native Indian/Hispanic look is a big reason why I'm worried about taking him to POB where he would really stand out and may attract unwanted attention.

Whatever our kids look like, be it white, black or in the middle, I'm sure they will be gorgeous and most importantly I hope that they're healthy and happy.

Hot Chocolate

David came to visit me for lunch today, after his interview.

I never saw him in professional work clothes before (a suit to a wedding doesn't count). He looked so grown-up (very hot, really). I felt so grown up - an adult couple having lunch together... visions of the future filled my mind.

He walked me back to work before he headed home to study.

That was a nice surprise as I didn't expect to see him until Wednesday.

At work, my workmates were talking about how couples often look alike because apparently we are attracted to people who resemble us. I guess it's true to an extent - take Nadine and her boyfriend, for example. They are like twins. I'm not exaggerating.

But David and I are completely opposite in appearance. I don't think there's one aspect of our looks that is similar. He's tall, I'm not. He's dark, I'm not. His eyes are small, his mouth wide... just everything. Every time we catch our own reflection, we always notice the stark contrast between us. I don't know why but I find our difference really beautiful. I love that David looks so different to me.

Like he says, the two of us can make hot chocolate.

me: I don't want to be the milk, I want to be the cocoa
David: who said you're not?
me: good
David: I'm the healthy part of the relationship and you're the yummy part

Real Romance

I read an article about some men who are considered to be very romantic. The article went on to describe some of their elaborate plans to woo the ladies. After I read their stories, it wasn't their romantic gestures that stood out to me but the fact that they were all middle-aged and single, some with several ex-wives.

What's the point of having that 'romance' that might extract a 'WOW! You did all this for me?!" moment when you can't be a good long-term partner and make your 'signficant other' smile during the every day little things.

When I think of people who have been happily married for years, I notice that most of the men are not romantic (in the traditional way) at all!

Take my Dad for instance. He never buys my Mum flowers (unless I remind him to get some for her birthday). He never whisks her away on surprise getaways or showers her with gifts. But he does clean the toilets and make her laugh when she's stressed and is being illogically emotional. He also does the most unnecessary things to keep the compulsive cleaner in her happy or lets her watch a movie even though he wants to watch the news. I can list many more little things that I find a lot healthier for a long-term relationship than a spur of the moment extravagance.

Although David can be traditionally romantic, I think as along as we can keep each other amused and are there to help each other, that's more romance than I could ever want.

Can Men and Women Be Friends?

The age old queston.

I think most people would agree that it's possible. The harder question is if it's possible for men and women to be very close friends.

April has been convincing me that it is because of the Blog Guy. Even though for the whole of last week she's been telling me that he doesn't exist, turned out she spoke to him almost every day.

I told her she didn't need to convince me. Even though I don't have close guy friends (or any guy friends for that matter), I know it's possible to just be friends.

I actually learnt this from David. He told me how it's annoying when people think you like them just because you're very friendly with them. It's especially difficult with introverted people because they analyse every detail of the conversation (like April did with Blog Guy) and a 'look' or a 'word' would mean everything. In reality, the other person doesn't reciprocate any of the feelings that his/her face expressions and body language show.

Makes it very confusing to know what anyone really thinks of you, unless they tell you specifically. I guess that was one of the things that attracted me to David. He was just so straight forward. Although I guess that's easy for me to say because he liked me enough to tell me.

He told me how one girl at a salsa class asked him out and when he said no, she asked him why not because he was always so friendly and joking with her. He said after that he tried to be less friendly. I know that it's just his personality. Even when we meet some girl from his class or work or something, he'd be so warm and nice and just has this ability to make the other person feel really good. No wonder these girls might think they're special.

Wonder why I didn't think he liked me more than a friend. It was pretty obvious to me from the start that he was just a very outgoing person. (Could've been because he chatted me up at a bus stop.)

Funny now, I know his outgoing side is not all of him. He can get shy and insecure too. He does a really good show of not showing that side to people he doesn't know.

Then there's me. Before David, as you might remember, if I liked a guy, I would ignore him but if I didn't, I would become the most talkative and friendly person. (David's the obvious exception.)

So what I'm trying to say is that some people assume too much from things that don't mean anything. A person can be wonderful to you yet not see you as anyone special. And if they're even a bit like me, they might be extra nice because they couldn't care less what you think of them and are therefore not scared to say anything.

Evil Thoughts and the Usual Topic

I have evil thoughts. I don't know if it's stress or frustration. But I feel horrible for even thinking some things.

I had an evil feeing of excitement when there was a possibility for a couple to break up. Not my friends but still. I'm trying to excuse this thought by thinking that I don't really know this couple and maybe to me it's like wanting characters to break up in a film, for the juicy consequences.

I've also been getting really emotional lately. I feel like there are buckets of water just underneath my eyelids, waiting to spill out.

I'm pretty sure it's work stress. I keep reminding myself that at least I have a job. But it's scary to think that the project I'm working on might fall through and I will lose all chances of having my contract extended. It scares the hell out of me.

I should be doing work now but I feel so tired.

I miss David. He came over on Friday night and stayed over till this morning. I just love him so much. And I know he loves me too. He did this really touching and spontaneous thing that almost made me cry.

He also said that he wanted to spend his life with me. We even planned when we'd buy property and when we'd go to Europe. We talked about kids and weddings. A while ago he said he had always imagined he'd get married in a church and how he and his sister talked how she'd be the 'godmother' to his kids but now it wasn't going to happen. I said, "Sorry, but no". And he smiled and said, "Anyway, I have something much much better than that".

On Friday night, before David came over my Mum asked me, "So when are you getting married?" I told her not any time too soon. Then we got talking and she said how love can make people blind. I asked her if she thought I was being blind about David. She replied, "If I thought that, your Dad and I woud've thoroughly cleaned out your brain a long time ago."

I asked her what she thought of him (just out of curiousity). She said, "There's nothing obviously wrong with him. He's kind, he's smart, he's polite, respectful. Just the different culture thing." I said, "So the only negative you can think of is that he's not POBian?" Well, that's great!

On Saturday night, David and I were chatting with my brother. He was talking online to his friends, while David gave him advice on girls. It was hilarious.

D: Man, you're too slow. Just ask them for coffee.
A: I don't really like any of them that much
me: you know tons of girls, how can you not like any?
A: well, there's this POBian one [showing a photo on the computer of a girl who knows she's hot]
D: she's alright
A: she does drugs. Or did drugs. And likes to get drunk
D: man, delete any photo you have of a girl who does drugs, gets drunk or smokes. If they do drugs, you can get into a lot of trouble just knowing them. If they get drunk or smoke, they're weak! Man, come on, you don't need one like that. You need someone smart. Otherwise, you'll get bored.

I thought I was listening to myself (minus, 'man' this and 'man' that). I didn't even need to open my mouth because his was speaking for me.

You know, I always start writing thinking I'd write a really sharp and short entry that's straight to the point but then I go on a tangent about David and my entry becomes a blurry mess. I guess that's how my brain is right now. Maybe I should rename my blog to "How I Love David, and Other Bits).

On another different tangent, I've eaten a lot of rubbish on the weekend. It was very delicious rubbish, nonetheless.

From next week, Amelia and I will be going to dancing lessons which I'm really looking forward to! I desperately need some exercise and learning a new type of dance is always exciting. And of course catching up with Amelia on a weekly basis would be just excellent.

And you know what, there will be zero guys at this dance class. That, I'm 100% sure of. And I couldn't care less. Because I already found the guy I've always wanted. And not interested in the slightest of meeting someone 'better'. I know there's no one better. You can't have better than the best, now, can you?

There I am again. What can I say? Seeing David only on the weekends is just not enough. Even if we do speak on the phone every day. Just not enough. It's never enough. I seriously don't know how I'd be able to function without him. Even when I get annoyed at him, I never feel like I just don't want to see him. I'd be angry at him and all I'd be able to think would be that I want him to give me a hug.

I want to marry him. Not because I've always dreamed of getting married at my age, but just because I want to be with him ALL the freaking time. Is this bad? Is this wrong? Is this crazy? If it is, I don't care. I've never been happier.

Girl Talk

Work was... ok.

Now, moving on.

April emailed me to tell me that apparently we both know Nadine's friend. (The one I talked with at Nadine's party. The one who dramatises and the one who thinks David is hot.) We both used to refer to her as 'a friend of a friend'. Never realised we were both talking about the same person.

Called April when I received her email and we discussed it extensively. It was really nice to chat with her. Haven't done that in a while. I hope to see her at Claudia's birthday party this weekend. She's been sick, as usual.

Gossippng with April made me miss spending time with my school friends. Lately when we go out, we always end up separated into couples and haven't had a chance to enjoy some good girly talks in a very loooooooooooong time. It'd be good to go on a holiday together, just the five of us.

I don't regret not going on the holiday with the uni girls though. I realised that it's not because I want to spend every moment with David. I just don't get that sense of excitement and cosiness that I get with my school girl friends. They uni girls don't have strong personalities. Sure, they are all nice and sweet but it's not the same.

I wonder if I'm going to end up being friends with Veronica. She has a distinctive character and that always appeals to me.

I think reading the book about female friendships has made me nostalgic for some girlfriend company.

Don't get me wrong, having a boy best friend is fantastic and I can be completely happy with just that. Having girl friends is just a nice extra. Like cake. You don't really need it but it's nice when you do.

I was talking to David about top qualities he likes in a partner. He said attractiveness, intelligence, sense of humour and being strong minded. I guess most of those qualities are what most people look for.

But what do people want in a friend? I read somewhere reputable like 'Girlfriend' (years ago) that in friends we look for qualities that we like within ourselves.

I'd like to put this question out into the world (or at least to people who read this):

What qualities are most important to you in a partner and which ones do you cherish in a friend?

Hypothetically Speaking...

Would you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend (husband/wife) went to a partner dancing class without you? How about if your partner went clubbing with his/her friends (without you) and danced with other people? Is there a difference between the two?

Looking forward to your thoughts.

No Guarantees

Why am I so tired? I feel like I can just fall asleep right now and not wake up until tomorrow. After my first job, I went to the second one where I tried working for an hour.

Man, I hate their place. It stinks (literally). The computer system is way too old. They have Macs with their stupid one click mouse which make me so frustrated. They don't have any high resolution product images which make it impossible to create large posters.

I'm dreading having to work there full-time. Although I guess it would be better than no job at all.

Did I mention I got a reply for my teaching application?

They said in order for me to enrol into Teaching, I have to do one subject in Languages/IT/Psychology. I was thinking of learning Spanish since that would be useful but most universities don't offer the beginner course in second semester. Might have to research more into it. Although, I don't have much time.

Do I even want to become a teacher? I wouldn't mind but I just don't want to put more money into education.

Where I'm working now, the woman who was previously in my position and is supposed to go back into it after my contract ends, said that she's looking for a different job so I might have a chance to stay there permanently.

I so don't want to get my hopes up but I absolutely love this job. Sure, I'm not designing magazines like in the last one but I do heaps of stuff here. Also, it's not too hard since they are very strict to sticking to their corporate identity. What I like is how all these people from different offices call me to design stuff for them and the way the big manager always asks me to do little things for her. I think I like working on lots of little projects, rather than one big one.

The people are really nice too. I had a pretty good conversation with the woman who had my position. She's got such a lovely personality - easy-going, friendly and young-spirited. It surprised me to learn that she went through a divorce.

When I mentioned my boyfriend, she asked if we were planning on getting married. I told her not yet. She said not to rush and that we have plenty of time for that. She said to enjoy other things first.

It's weird, everyone tells me not to commit too soon, except my Mum. I told her what this woman advised me and she said, "Lots of people think that way but I'm happy that we don't have a large age gap and I can still keep up with you. If I was 15 years older, that might be harder".

I don't know. I always thought that if you find someone you want to be with, there's no point in waiting. I guess I got that thinking process passed on from my Mum. Kids usually imitate parents, whether they want to or not. Isn't that true?

I see that my parents have a good relationship and that marrying young does not mean you will get divorced, and having kids early does not mean you can't have a successful career and travel.

April told me, "You just want what your parents have". David noticed that too. I guess it's pretty obvious. If you see a good result, you want to take the same steps to get there.

If I think logically, it's highly unlikely that I will find someone better than David. Yes, there are several things I wish he didn't have in his personality but who's perfect? Certainly not me.

Would I rather have someone more serious, less open, more principled and not as much fun? Maybe their sense of humour would match mine more or they would have a similar background to me. But will they have all the unique qualities that I love so much in David?

All I want is for a guy to love me so much he'd be willing to do anything. For someone like that, I would ignore every fault.

The Selfish Cruel Heart

I was reading Not Proud (similar to, but not in any way better than, PostSecret). People, basically, send in their confessions of things that they did but are not proud of.

I cannot believe how easy it is for some people to cheat on their partners and still say that they love them. It's disgusting and makes me sick. I always knew that cheating was bad but reading some of the confessions makes me physically ill. I don't even know these people but I never felt angrier (and I very rarely experience that emotion). Just want to shake them and hurt them so hard they never experience love again. How can people inflict such pain on others? It's too cruel.

There were also some heart-wrenching confessions that really show humans at its most vulnerable.

I think now that I have someone I love, reading these things makes me more emotional than I would've been if I was single. Just the thought of the one you love not loving you back is more than I can handle. Or the one you trust deceiving you.

I wish everyone valued how rare it is to find real love and not abuse it in such careless and selfish way.

The Great Divide

When I was a kid, I thought adults were like a different species. They talked differently, they acted differently, they knew everything. They were strong and powerful. I was a little intimidated by them but overplayed 'the innocent kid' card so they would be nice to me. (I'm very sad that acting innocent doesn't work anymore because people just think you're shy and insecure.)

Now I realise, adults are just children who lived longer. As I started working last year where I was equal to people decades older than me, it felt weird to talk to them in a normal way, not in a way I would've talked to my teachers or parents' friends. I could no longer distance myself from their conversations, the way I would when I was young.

I read a few blogs by people in their 30s and you know what? I can relate to them. I feel like they're speaking my language. I guess after you become an adult, your mind stops growing and your personality stops changing (the way it did when you were growing up).

I'm going to be 22 very soon. A 22 year old is definitely an adult, a real grown-up. Yet, I don't really feel like I'm that different. Sure I have had more experiences now but inside my head, I still feel like a kid.

The wonderful thing this year is that I'm not depressed about my birthday for once. I feel like a normal person now that I have a boyfriend. A real serious boyfriend who I'm hopeful to have a future with. I'm not behind which is such a relief. Yes, I don't have a job, but I see that as just another problem in life that people have to deal with at one time or another.

I've organised a little birthday party with my school friends. Everyone said they were coming. Amelia even took a night off work. Hope no one cancels. I even invited Nadine since it's a POBian restaurant and all so she would actually understand everything but she hasn't confirmed. I guess I wouldn't mind so much if she doesn't come.

I was thinking of inviting uni friends but decided against it as I don't want the party split up like it would if they come. I want to have a nice night out with my closest friends. And this might seem very silly, but girls will only outnumber boys by 2. And David will be there which will be absolutely the best. I never had a birthday with a boyfriend.

I smile at the thought that my life now is exactly how I imagined it to be when I was a child. For once in my life, the dream in my head matches my reality. That makes me so happy and I want to hold on to this forever.

It's almost a year since I've met David. Such a once in a lifetime meeting changed my life completely. I don't even want to think what state I'd be in if he didn't come into my life. I read something very interesting on writersbloc, "...those we fall in love with may be all the things we might not even like, but with the right person, those things don't matter and we learn to adjust and deal..." Couldn't have put it better myself. So true. [Read full post here.]

Not being single anymore has started to settle in my mind. I know this because I did something very insensitive that I would have never done, had I remembered what it was like to feel like you'll be alone forever.

Here is what happened. April and I have been wanting to go to theatre for ages but there was nothing on that interested us or was below $200. So finally, she informed me of an affordable show that sounded entertaining. So what do I do but immediately ask David if he wants to go. Of course he said yes because he's never been to a theatre (he's a little behind on these things). Then when April volunteered to get the tickets and as I told her to get an extra ticket, I felt horrible. And what's worse, I was like, "Is it ok?". Like she's going to say, "No, it's not!"

She asked if it was ok to invite other people which just showed me that she wasn't ok going with the two of us. Not like we act couply in front of her but I think just us being happy together is enough. It would've been for me if it was the other way around.

It's weird, now that I'm not working, I have a constant flow of thoughts that I want to blog. I just can't stop typing. Someone stooooopppppp meeeee........

Don't AskMen

I found this site from another blog and was interested to read the other side of female magazines. After reading some articles, I actually got angered by some advice some women give men about women. So totally off the mark, it's unbelievable.

1. How to keep a woman on her toes - wait for her to say (or hint at) the "l-word" first

Firstly, I find intentionally keeping someone on their toes very pointless. It causes unnecessary tension. It's so much better for a relationship if both parties are honest and upfront. If you are ready to tell your loved one how you feel, you should do it and not play stupid games.

2. How to keep a woman on her toes - don't make yourself too available

Ridiculous. If you are free, why cause extra problems by lying and saying you have plans? I know David has a lot of free time because he doesn't hang out with his friends much anymore. It doesn't make me think any less of him.

3. How to keep a woman on her toes - be the one to end the phone call

What the hell for?! Does it really make a difference who ends the conversation first?

4. Tell her that she reminds you of some beautiful famous woman, e.g. Jennifer Lopez

Never ever compare her to any other woman! However if she starts to compare herself, you're welcome to say, "Jennifer Lopez is nothing compared to you! You're the most beautiful woman in the world! And the universe."

There was much more advice that no one should ever take seriously but you can read that yourself.

I guess in truth, every person is different and it's very difficult to put all women as wanting the same things, other than the universal that any human wants - acceptance.

"Please tell Michael I love him. He's so stupid, he can't figure it out himself."

- POBian radio

The Clinginess Syndome

Symptoms
- The longer you spend with one person, the more you need them
- Feelings of anxiety at the thought of not seeing this person until another day
- Extreme feelings of content when this person is with you
- Desire to constantly have any sort of physical contact with this person
- Uneasiness and restlessness and not knowing what to do after this person leaves
- Wonder at how you used to live or can live without this person in your life
- Continuous thoughts of this person even when they're not there
- Feelings of extreme emotional co-dependence
- Fear of losing this person
- Ignorance of this person's faults

Having come back from our little weekend adventure, I honestly don't know how I'd live without David. He filled up my life in every possible way. Not only do I always have something to look forward to, I'm always doing something. We're either going for walks, dancing, watching movies, talking. I'm always entertained. Friends now fit into the gaps when we're not together and I don't depend on them to make life exciting, like I used to.

Highlights from our trip:

- stuffy caravan park (no air-conditioning)

- beautiful beach location

- couldn't fall asleep and every time I moved, the bed squeked and woke up David. Rather than getting annoyed at me, he said, "You can't sleep? Ok, let's talk". Even though that was too sweet of him, I told him to go to sleep because I knew he was tired. After a few more of these squeks, David went to the bunk beds where he slept properly. I tossed and turned until I remembered my childhood trick of getting to sleep - turn upside down on the bed. It worked. Woke up and got a little confused which way I was lying, then saw David smiling at me and didn't care about anything else.

- he insisted on buying me a piece of chocolate cake even though I knew I shouldn't have it. It tasted stale and I felt so guilty for not liking it. He had a taste and said not to eat it because that's how people get food poisoning.

- there was a little amusement park with rides and games. Being the kid that David is, he got two tokens to play that clown game where you throw the balls into the rotating plastic clown's mouth and the balls fall into different slots, each corresponding to a number of points. If you get a specific combination of numbers or a specific total score, you get a good prize. If you get a random score, you get some cheap consolation toy. I think these games are a waste of money but David pleaded for me to play. So I did. After we both got our consolation prizes, we realised that we both got the exact same score which is very unlikely. It put smile on my face for the rest of the evening, like it was proof that we were meant for each other.

- sitting on the boardwalk, our feet hanging off the ledge over the water, just being together.

- when we were returning, felt so anxious at the thought that I won't be with him like this for ages. Wish he was always around me.

- on the way back, we stopped for lunch at this beach side place that we both love. Went for a walk along the beach and I was being a little quiet 'cause I was thinking that our perfect weekend was almost over. David noticed, as he always does, and after trying to guess how I was feeling, he said, "Tell me what you're thinking. I want to know every thought, all the details". I said jokingly, "Are you trying to be a listening type of boyfriend?" and he said, "I just want to know you, all of you". I wonder if he'll ever stop saying the most perfect things.

When he dropped me off at my house and was about to leave, I started blabbering about how I was missing him already and then realised I was making a bit of a fool of myself. After I realised this, I changed my blabbering to saying how silly I was being, going on like that. He smiled at me and said, "You're beautiful".