Another 10 Minutes

Every ten minutes of my life can be made into a blog entry. As I don't have time to blog every ten minutes, my blog is starting to miss many aspects of my new busy life.

Blogging is best when you have spare time on your hands to think, reflect and analyse. Nowadays, so many things are happening so quickly, I have no time to think, yet alone reflect and analyse. My brain is holding on to a lot of important information that I can't afford to forget. I have never relied on a planner so much. Every week, there's a list of things to be done, people to call, things to organise.

The fact that David is getting into his exam period and cannot contribute as much as I'd like him to, only adds more pressure. Yes, we could've waited till next year (as David can't help but occasionally remind me) but damn it, I just want to have a kid before I'm 24. Don't ask why, this is ingrained into me. I just want to and that's it.

The stupid thing is that now I'm reconsidering waiting till I'm 25 just so we could have a bit more time alone (and so I can have a chance at performing at the annual dance show).

Speaking of dancing, is it possible to love it as much as I do? I have moved on to the second level. The instructor tires everybody out so much, sweat is literally flowing down my face. The good thing is that I noticed that I can actually jog for a bit without my breath quickening. I noticed this while running to the train station. It was like walking. It was such a pleasant surprise.

I'm not going to be able to go to the third level as I will have to go on the honeymoon. I told this to April and she rolled her eyes and said with her usual sarcasm, "How inconvenient".

Even though I'm experiencing 'some' stress, getting so close to the wedding and all, I think deep down I enjoy it. I want to get stressed about things like getting all rsvps on time and picking songs for the reception. It's like it makes me feel normal, because most 'normal' people stress about insignificant things, right?

New Members of the Mortgage Club

As of this week, David and I are home owners. Never thought that I would own my own place at the age of 23. It's amazing how a couple of years can change your life.

I remember how I was two and a half years ago - completely hopeless about where my life was going. I couldn't imagine that it would actually be the way I always wanted.

One little bump that we're experiencing on our home buying adventure is that our real estate agent won't give us all the keys. He says he doesn't have one and there's nothing he can do about it! Nothing he can do! It's his responsibility to provide us all the keys, isn't it? It just seems so obvious that I'm not even sure if it's a legal requirement.

I called the agency to speak to his manager (as he's been very unprofessional and irresponsible the entire process) but the receptionist said that he would call back. He hasn't. I also called our solicitor and left a message on his voicemail but had no call back. I just want to know if it's the agency's responsibility to provide us all the keys or not.

It's very frustrating.

In other news, I'm loving my dance class. It's really not enough to do it just once a week. I wish I could practise every day but I've been too busy. My 'friend' from first lesson hasn't shown up since.

This weekend, David and I are painting our new place. April asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her and Ella for hen's night costumes but unfortunately I can't. Also, have to pick up my wedding dress.

Although it seems like most things are organised for the wedding and the unit but there's still so much to do:

- get jewellery
- test reception food
- send dj a song list (i.e. choose songs)
- send photographer a list of required photos
- select ceremony
- finish the last batch of invitations (can you believe I still haven't finished them?!)
- connect to a telephone network
- choose best internet plan
- buy carpet
- buy new stove, oven, washing machine, fridge
- buy blinds

And to top this off, I agreed to do a book club with April and read "Gone With The Wind". I didn't want to say no because I've been neglecting all the things I used to like doing.

Bought myself a new skirt today. It was only $10 (original price was $69) so I couldn't say no. I think it would look nice on our honeymoon.

Honeymoon is such a good reason to buy nice new stuff. Not like I go shopping that often anyway.

I've noticed I've become more grown-up in my shopping too. I actually enjoyed browsing the homewares section. Imagining what cushions I'd buy for our new couch, what rug, what tableware. Ahhh...

Dancing Adrenaline

I'm on a dancing high.

Started classes again.

The instructor was full of energy and really made it fun. She taught the moves quite differently to the last place I've been to but I got the hang of it. I also realised just how unfit I am. My muscles were killing me and my body just couldn't move as fluidly as it should have.

Seriously need more practice. Salsa seems so easy in comparison.

Made a friend straight away which was great so I didn't feel like I was alone there. She had a friend who does shows. That's pretty cool to know a professional dancer.

I can't wait till next week.

Friday with Future In-Laws

I got my salsa dvd! I can't wait to start! The end is bad quality, though. I wonder if it's the DVD or our dodgy DVD player. Need to try it in another one.

Last night went well. Dinner was really nice. My parents weren't used to such large portions and so much seafood but it all turned out ok. They talked a lot. Especially my Mum. I never realised how social and outgoing she was. Especially lately, I started noticing that she just makes conversation with anybody. People in the shops, on an escalator, on a plane etc. I don't remember her being like that before.

Our parents will never be friends but I know that they always be able to get along. That's all we can really ask for. We're both very lucky that neither of our parents have any issues and are easy-going.

After my parents and brother left, I stayed with David and we watched Prime. It was a refreshing romantic comedy. Not your typical Hollywood one. It was a realistic (as much as you can be in a film) story. A rare enjoyment. The only thing that that was a bit weird was the main actor looked too much like my brother.

Wanna Dance Again

I have been getting the dancing bug lately. I want to start up doing classes. I want to finish all the levels of salsa that I've started.

I asked David if he wanted to do them and he refused, saying he was too busy (understandable) and he doesn't want to commit to 8 weeks of classes.

Unfortunately, now I can't go without him as it would be weird dancing with other guys. David said he's fine with it but I know he isn't.

Yesterday, he called me and said that he would do it with me. I was happy but I realised that he will be really tired and will probably get grumpy. I'd feel really guilty making him go after a long day of work and uni without dinner or anything.

We decided we'd get some dvds and learn new moves. Although it's not the same as having the consistency of going to class, it's better than nothing.

I finally discovered one negative side of having a boyfriend - can't focus on dancing as much as I'd like.

I'm also getting to the age where I'm too old for getting to an advanced level (even though it is only salsa, and not ballet).

This may seem really silly to most people but I dream of dancing in a proper show. It's a bit of an embarrassing dream. I'm too old for that stuff.

David asked me why and I couldn't even explain. I guess it's because I love watching dancing shows and it makes me want to be in one.

I've decided to go to samba classes close to my new job. Unfortunately, I will never be doing samba shows as I am never wearing the required costume. I remember talking to one of the dance instructors once and she said she refused to do samba because she does not want to wear the g-string bikini.

It's fun to learn though as it really expands your dance skills. And it's fun.

Dancing with David

David and I finally enrolled in a dance course together. We are going to be doing 2 hours of (Ballroom and Latin) dancing every week.

As you can imagine, I was really looking forward to it. Since it's a local class, I didn't expect to see many people so I was quite surprised to see all ages of both males and females in the class.

David and I had a 'conflict' before the class even began. It was very stupid but I got very annoyed nonetheless. Fortunately, dancing has the ability to make you forget why you were irritated in the first place and brings people back together.

As we were doing the "Slaoo, slaoo, quick, quick" of the Slow Rhythm, David said, "Baby, I'm a natural at this!" Just then, the elderly instructor came up and said, "Young man, let me show you how to do this correctly".

I tried not to smile. After the instructor left, David's ego said, "Ballroom dances are so uptight! You can't have any fun". I told him good dancers have to be versatile. He poked out his lower lip like an upset child and said, "Why does she have to pick on me?"

I tried to comfort him, "She's only telling you this because she knows you've got potential to be really great, unlike the others who have no hope". He didn't seem too convinced, but it was starting to get much easier to dance with him.

When we were instructed to rotate partners, I obviously stayed put. Then an elderly lady came up to us and said, "It's time to move on". We both shook our heads, not even looking at her. Then, this lady tapped me on my shoulder and told me that it was her turn to dance with David. She didn't look too nice when she said it either. David pulled me closer and I explained that "we'd like to stay together". The lady looked confused for a moment but then grumpily moved on to a male closer to her age.

I had my time of rotating and dancing with weird guys. Now I wanted to dance with my hot naturally self-assured boyfriend.

We learnt the basics of Rumba next. It had the Latin feel of the Salsa so it came a lot easier to both of us, even though it was supposed to be the more difficult dance.

I really enjoyed myself and can't wait till the next lesson!

Late Night Chatter

It's half past midnight and I don't want to sleep.

This is amazing as I usually start to get sleepy around 10pm and fall asleep as soon as my head touches the pillow.

Don't know what's so different about today.

My parents had a party so I went to David's house. We had a bit of an argument. I think he wishes I was more of an activist and cared about the state of the world, people and environment. And not only cared but tried to do something to improve it.

I had to explain to him that's just not in my personality. I'm too selfish. I only care about people I love and not strangers on the other side of the world. I don't believe I can make a change so I'm not motivated to do anything. I know I can make people around me happier so that's something I try to do. I doubt sending money to some child in poverty is going to make any difference. I don't trust charities and don't believe the money goes where it's supposed to.

He got quite upset and said that ignoring the 'problem' was being part of the 'problem'. I told him I didn't see any 'problem' and was quite happy and satisfied with things the way they were. He got agitated and said, "Are you happy that people are getting killed and we're wrecking the environment?!" I replied, "I don't see how I caused people to be killed" and he said, "You support governments who do that". That really angered me for obvious reasons. And then, he had the nerve to accuse me of 'accepting things the way they are and not questioning anything'. I mean, honestly! This coming from a guy who believes in God.

Anyway, same old argument again. Got resolved in the same old way. I'm sure it won't be the last time.

I noticed that David and I are in a new phase of our relationship. We no longer have the intense urge to talk to each other every second we're together. We're quite happy doing our own thing, as long as we're in the same vacinity.

For example, on Thursday night when David was here, I was chatting to April online while he was watching the news.

I guess this could be attributed to the fact that we've been seeing each other almost every day and don't feel like we have to make the most of every minute.

To be honest, before I used to be scared that we'd be the sort of couple who doesn't talk all the time they're together and who doesn't desperately need to spend every second with each other. I thought that meant that we don't find each other as fascinating as we once did and that the 'spark' was gone. But now I realise that I love what we have now. We've reached that sort of comfort level with each other where we don't need to speak all the time, we're happy to be silent, as long as the other one is near by.

We now accept each other a lot more. We know each other a lot better so there's no need to talk about ourselves as much. Before we used to talk non-stop about what our lives were like before we met. Now we know all that. We know when the other is upset or why without saying a word. I feel unconditionally loved so don't care about feeling grumpy or irritable in front of him. I know he won't leave me over it.

He puts up with me even when I'm not in the easiest mood. During those times he calls me his 'grumpy ant'. I asked him, "Why ant?" and he said, "'Cause you're small and a hard worker". I told him I didn't know whether to take it as an insult or a compliment.

He learnt how to say 'darling' in POBian and continually practices it. It's adorable. I asked him how to say 'darling' in Spanish and he said "Papi chulo". So I called him that for a while, every time 'causing him to burst into laughter. I said, "Is it my accent?" and he replied, "Yes, baby, it's the accent. You say it so cute".

Then I decided to look it up because I had my suspicions about what it meant. Google it and you'll see what I mean. That cheeky boy. Even though now I know it doesn't mean 'darling', I say it anyway just to make him laugh. It never fails.

I can't wait to see him tomorrow... I miss him like crazy already.

He really wanted me to stay over but I felt uncomfortable doing that 'cause that meant he had to sleep in his sister's room.

Can't wait till our weekend away (in 2 weeks)!

Went to the dance class today and there were only two other girls there so some other instructors joined in. I started feeling really uncomfortable because not only were they excellent dancers but they also looked hot. All fit and toned and tanned. Even though I'm pretty average, I felt huge and jiggly.

I told David about it later and he said, "Man, they're plain! They've got nothing to show. You're beautiful. Flat skinny girls are ugly. I hate that look. You're perfect. I love the way you look." Although that was kinda offensive to flat skinny girls, it made me feel better 'cause as you can probably tell, I'm not very secure with how I look. And I'm not built to be skinny. Although I could definitely tone up.

I came up with a resolution for next year on my way back to the train station. I need to smile more. All the dancers were beaming the whole time while my face was neutral. I don't think smiling comes naturally to me. I feel fake always smiling. I wish I was a smiley person, you know the type. They always got a smile glued to their face, making them appear very inviting and friendly and warm.

People probably think I'm not happy 'cause I don't smile for no reason.

Well, now I'm getting sleepy. Good night!

At the Dance Class

My Saturday morning dance class is dimishing with every lesson. Only 5 people (including me) came today.

I tried to be friendly and asked, "How's it going?" to a woman (a little older than me) and she immediately replied, "Had a date last night!" I was surprised that she said that 'cause I would be scared of sounding like someone who never goes out on any to point it out like that.

I asked her where which lead to her telling me she lived only a suburb away from me. When we were talking I mentioned that I used to go to Salsa lessons last year but not anymore, even though I'd like to do it and she said, "Oh, come with me!" I just smiled.

Do you think it would've sounded weird if I said, "I don't want to without my boyfriend"?

The instructor (a gorgeous smiley girl) was telling us about her social life and how she was performing in a show tonight. I felt some envy. I wanted to be that gorgeous, dance that well and perform in a show. I noticed she had a face that even though was nothing spectacular in its features, looked really good put together. Maybe her dancer's personality shined through which gave her that happy glowing look.

Oh Gosh, listen to me. I'm like some jealous bitter woman. I guess I just like imagining what it'd be like to have a really exciting life.

Get Moving

I went for a run today. Well, semi-run... quarter run. Ok, I went for a walk and ran a little bit. But still! I actually motivated myself to exercise. I've impressed myself.

It was still relatively early but man, it was hot! I was puffing so loud when I got back.

Lately I've noticed that I started getting flabby and that's not something I want. When I put on weight, my mood plummets and I stop feeling too good about myself. Plus I have my high school reunion soon and I want to look really good for that. I whinged to David that I was getting fat and he said, "You're not getting fat, you're getting beautiful" which is exactly what he should always say, no matter how skinny or fat, pretty or ugly I get. So his opinion is not the most accurate one.

Anyway, the dancing class yesterday motivated me. Everyone there looked hot. Very fit and toned. So since the dance class is only once a week, I will exercise on other days. Plus David said that as soon as his exams end he will go with me to Ballroom dancing classes. Can't wait!

When I was waiting for the dance class to start, the receptionist (who's also a dancer) started talking to me and she was saying how she didn't want to join the Samba dance group because they make them wear really revealing costumes (i.e. g-strings). That must be annoying - can't dance because of a costume!

She was also saying how she works out with a personal trainer twice a week because she's the biggest girl in the group. You should've seen her! She's got the perfect slim dancer's body. Well, the life of a dancer.

Anyway I realised that all those people who have really good bodies usually work really hard to get them so I can't compare myself to them because I don't (well, didn't) execise at all.

That class was pretty full-on. I could barely breathe by the end. There weren't many people but I didn't mind, as long as I wasn't the only one.

Hopefully I can continue with my regular exercising.

No David Today

I won't be seeing David today.

I have a really sore throat and he has exams next week. Decided it was better not risk him catching it.

A little disappointed because this means I won't see him until the next weekend.

But I am feeling a little tired so I don't mind not having to drive there.

Just realised that it's only 5:20pm, the whole night is still in front of me. I finished watching all the episodes that I have of my new favourite show. Might go and read later.

I rejected Claudia's invitation to dinner tonight because I thought I'd be visiting David. I won't go anyway, though.

It's weird but I don't feel like going anywhere without David. Is that wrong? When he's not there, I feel like something's missing.

Dancing was great today! I slept in and only woke up 15 minutes before I had to go. Didn't really feel like it 'cause of the grey weather and my sore throat but since I paid for the whole course already, I had to go.

Of course, once I was there, I had a great time. I talked with 2 other girls/women. One I thought was about 24, but it turned out she already had 2 kids, 6 and 8 years old! She so didn't look it. Her body just didn't look like it produced two children. She said she left them with the in-laws. She also does other dancing classes. It made me realise that kids don't necessarily have to stop you from doing what you want.

It's nice to meet new people. Being stuck with middle-aged people at work is getting a bit too boring. I don't meet people my age anymore. So the dancing class is great that way.

I was so tired by the end which is great. Means I got a good workout.

I need more exercise though...

Life Update on a Friday Night

April got a job at a big prestigious law firm. They rejected her when she applied for a summer clerkship there but called to offer her a job as a paralegal.

She's very excited, as you can imagine!

I'm very excited for her too. She said she'll be working on a case that's going to receive a lot of media attention in a couple of months. I wonder what it is! A celebrity or a goverment scandal maybe?

Can't believe that my friend will be a part of such a huge thing!

Makes my job feel pretty dull.

Speaking of my job, I love it. I'm quite busy now but that's the way I like it. I've been leaving at 4:30-4:45pm now 'cause of extra work. I know I know, how good is that?!

And my work has been recognised so that makes me happy. One woman asked me if she can use the ad I designed for her own birthday invitation. I took that as a compliment. Also, got a copy of my first internal magazine with my name on the back. It was really satisfying.

So yeah, little things like seeing my work in print makes me very happy. Not that I'm changing lives or anything but gotta find satisfaction in what I do, otherwise I feel useless.

The great environment, money and benefits also add to my satisfaction.

David is going to have some trouble finding work, I can tell. He just makes too many grammatical mistakes and I can't keep checking every cover letter he sends out. I really don't know how to help him with his English. I wish I could think of something. It's also a problem that he's not an attention-to-detail kind of person (when it comes to writing) so he misses his own silly mistakes. It's quite frustrating because it'd be nice for me to have confidence that he's capable of doing stuff correctly and quickly.

Another thing I don't understand is how he manages to get distinctions in his assignments but not do so well in exams.

Anyway, I can see he's improving.

Nadine emailed me an invitation to her and Dean's housewarming. I won't be going 'cause David wants to go to a Latin American forum that day. Not that I particularly want to, to be honest. Don't know why, I just don't. I think I'd feel too out of place.

Nadine's a bit of a stranger to me at the moment.

Even the way she wrote the email didn't sound like her. And you know why it didn't? Because she sounded grown up. And I only know Nadine as a not grown-up. So anything she does that's adult-like is very strange to me.

The day after her housewarming is my high school reunion. That is something I do want to go to. And not just because it's going to include free food. (But that is obviously the main reason because I'm over wanting to see people from high school.)

David's at work today. He called me 5 minutes after he started and said, "It's pretty quiet here. Wait, I have to go to work. There's too much to do. Don't hang up." I waited on the line until the regular beep sound. I guess he hung up. He hasn't called since.

Tomorrow is my dance class again. Yay! And then I'm going over to David's. His car is broken down and he's not going to fix it until the end of his exams so I'll be going over to his house for the next couple of weeks. I don't mind. He always used to come to my place. I guess it's my turn. I hope he greets me the way he greeted me on Wednesday... like he hasn't seen me in a year.

Damn, I miss him...

The Clouds of Youth

Just got back from the dance class. Wow, it was sooooooo great! Can't wait till next week.

I was thinking that I hope I get over dancing by the time I'm 40 'cause it's not like I can go to classes/clubs then. So I better do as much dancing now as possible.

Another thing I was thinking was that one life is not enough for me to do everything I want to do.

1. Dance professionally
2. Work in film/TV
3. Write a book
4. Have an ordinary life (I can cross this one off the list)

I'm a dreamer, I know. I want to do so many things but I'm too practical and too scared to take risks 'cause I like security. And I'm not creative/clever enough to come up with amazing ideas for a book.

Yeah, excuses, excuses.

I want to be young forever.

"he suffered from what he could not help - youth"

- Diary of a Nobody by George Grossmith and Weedon Grossmith

Girls' Night In

me: wanna come over on Friday night?
April: why, is David studying?
me: no, maybe I just want to hang out with you
April: what's David doing?
me: working
April: I knew it!

So April came over. We talked for four hours straight. About the usual. Guys and relationships and friends. Typical gossip. It was great.

David called at around 8:30pm saying that he was going to finish at 9pm and if I wanted him to come over. I told him I did but I'd have to wake up early tomorrow to go to my new dance class. He said he'd just see me tomorrow night. He sounded disappointed.

It's been such a long time since I've had April over at my house. Felt really good. Her hair looked really shiny.

She told me more details of what happened with her and Praket and how she realised it's never gooing to go anywhere but she's still holding on to him as a friend because she doesn't want to go back to nothing.

Really reminded me of Max. I was on the verge on telling her but then stopped myself. Didn't want to go into it with her.

Every time she'd say "I knew I was acting irrational but I just couldn't help it" and "I just like the idea of him", I knew exactly how she felt. When I told her I sympathised, she thought I was talking about Andrew (the guy who rejected me after our first meeting). I guess Max is still a part of me I'm not ready/willing to share with her. David is the only one who really knows and who I wanted to know.

I'm looking forward to my dance class tomorrow. I really need the exercise. Sitting in the office all day with only 40 minutes to go for a walk isn't enough to keep myself fit. It's amazing how much walking to and from the train station did for my health and weight. Now that I don't have that anymore, I have to find ways to motivate myself. Dancing classes are the only thing that can make me get out of my house and exercise. Sad, I know, but what can I do? Can't change myself to find gym/running exciting.

Too bad Amelia won't be coming with me this time.

I should go to sleep now.

Different Sides of Happiness

Happiness is the best revenge. Heard peope say that many times but yesterday I got to experience it and let me tell you, revenge never tasted so sweet.

I also met Blog Guy (who I guess now can call Praket), a bit of a disappointment but it satisfied my curiosity.

So... April invited me (and David and the gang) to meet up with Praket and his friends. Of course I was there. Actually ended up talking to him alone while April talked with Mike and Claudia, and David just walked quietly next to me. I was wondering why April didn't join us but I thought I might as well get to know him while I had the chance.

Man, he talked non-stop (about Arts and culture). To be honest, I was getting bored, even though I didn't mind either subject.

We were supposed to go and see a free broadcast of a symphony ('cause Praket loves classical music and it was his idea to go) but because he came so late, they venue was full and they didn't let any more people in. (His friends managed to get through.)

I suggested to go to the Latin festival close by so we all walked there.

When we got there, we sat on the boardwalk and shared the snacks that we all (except Praket) brought. It was a nice little group to chat in. April was a bit quiet around him. We found out he went out with a girl from our school. Gosh, that would be weird if April and he decide to go out in the future.

Afterwards, I was ready to dance so everyone else followed us onto the dancefloor. I was trying to make things easier for April 'cause I asked Praket specifically if he wanted to dance and he said yes so it would've been a great opportunity for him and April to dance together. But no, April decided she didn't want to dance but wanted to go and sit somewhere. So they started walking away when I decided I could give her my bag to mind so it would be easier for me to dance. I ran after her (which prompted Claudia and Mike to follow me).

Then all of a sudden I saw Claudia saying hello to some group. I turned to see and it was Amy, Allison, Jacqui and Mary (i.e. The Group members)! They were all really dressed up. David thought they looked like they were trying to pick up. I heard Mary say to Amy, "They all look so young" like it was a bad thing. I guess we were just more casually dressed. They also checked out the guys we were with. The interested looks on their faces were priceless. I guess it would've been more expected that they would be the ones with the guys, not us. They were the pretty popular ones that everyone liked.

I remembered all the times that I felt like I didn't fit with that group, like I wasn't outgoing and social enough. The feelings of isolation and not being completely accepted for myself. I couldn't be silly without them looking at me like I was a weirdo. I had to watch what I said so they wouldn't take it the wrong way. I couldn't joke without receiving their blank looks. No wonder they always saw me as the 'quiet girl'.

That was all gone last night. I was still my old self, only more open because I didn't care if I got their approval. I had my real friends with me and I had the gorgeous boyfriend right behind me. And I felt proud of Claudia and April. The other girls never even gave them a second look in high school but it was Claudia and April who had the guys.

I don't know why but having a partner is seen as a sign of success. It shouldn't be but that's how it is with the girls I know. You have a boyfriend (and a good job) and that means you have it all. If you have your school friends with you, that's seen as an extra bonus.

I think I was looking forward to my school reunion so much because I wanted to see this specific group to show them that I didn't end up a failure. My wish came a little earlier than expected.

April pointed out that they could also have boyfriends and this was just a girls night out. I mean that could've been true but I doubted it. They were really dressed to impress, they were looking around the place, like they were checking it out rather than enjoying themselves together, and dancing really self-consciously.

After our little catch-up chat, especially with Allison ('cause she's the only sweet genuine one out of the bunch), Claudia, Mike, David and I moved towards the stage to watch the band playing. David had his arms around me and would sometimes give me a kiss on the cheek and because I could see The Group looking at us through the crowd (when I turned my head back to see David), I was enjoying it for all the wrong reasons.

I guess my evil side came out.

After the dancing, Mike and Claudia went home. David and I went to where April and Praket were sitting. We chatted to them for a bit. I could really see what April meant when she said they will only ever be friends. And it wouldn't be such a tragedy for April anyway. David wasn't the only one who noticed how self-centred he was. But he was an ok guy to hang out with. I might like him more if he makes April happy. A lot more. He was a bit funny which was in his favour.

When we left Praket to meet his friends and walked onto our train platform, David tapped me on the shoulder to point out that Jacqui, Amy and Mary were also on the platform, calling out my name. April didn't hear them either.

I turned around to say hello when the train came. Strangely enough they didn't follow us into the same carriage. April thought that was a bit snobby but David said they could've thought we were snobby for ignoring them. Well, it wasn't my fault I didn't hear them.

I wonder what we could've all talked about on the train.

On the train, David was asking how I changed groups in high school and how April and I became friends. It was nice to reminisce. Made me appreciate my friends when I remembered The Group. April, Amelia, Claudia and Christine not just accepted me the way I was, they actually liked me for who I was.

After April got off, David and I gossipped about the interesting night. Felt really lucky to have him. I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend. He was worth the wait. Hope that's how April feels when she meets the right guy.

David left in the morning 'cause he wanted to get some homework done but he's coming back later so we can go to Christine's and Evan's new place. The girl called to tell me to come a bit later so she can go and buy chairs for us to sit on. Oh, the joys of independent living.

Should be fun!

Just noticed David's quote after his nick on Messenger:

"You are the closest thing to heaven, I don't want to miss you tonight!!"

My sentiments exactly. Can't get enough of "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls, now.

Still In(sanely) Love

I've started writing this post probably ten times already but feel like I'm heading into the sentimental and mushy territory.

I was going to write what happened last night or just how I feel but that wouldn't articulate what I actually want to say.

Hmm, how can I say that I've just realised that love isn't a hundred different things squashed into one, but just one strong pressure just below your chest. It's physical, not just psychological.

Ok, this is starting to sound really stupid.

Hmm.

Last night was great. Amelia and Claudia both got picked up by some Latino guys. Amelia rejected the guy really rudely, I actually felt a bit sorry for him. Claudia actually danced with a guy. Then he kept coming round and asking her again but she didn't want to. Man, that guy was really persistent. David and I found it really funny 'cause this guy would always run his hand though his hair just before coming up to Claud for like the 10th time. Amelia tried to pretend she and Claudia were a couple (not very successsfully) so the guy would leave her alone but that didn't stop the guy. David said he probably didn't care.

David and I had a great time dancing. Then we caught the night bus to my house. I was so tired I actually fell asleep on his shoulder. We got home about 4:30am. Wished my parents weren't home.

Christine and Evan moved in together. I wish I could live with David now. I have a serious addiction problem. Totally and completely addicted of David.

White. Warm. Safe. Perfect.

Belly Churning

Went to the dance workshop with Amelia yesterday and was on such a high. The dance instructor was great and I felt like I learnt as much in those two hours as in the last two months of the dance course. At one point the instructor made an analogy to doing something at the gym but then stopped herself and said, "Wait, no one here likes the gym, that's why you do dancing". Seriously hit it right on the spot.

I think I'm really getting into belly dancing. One things I like about it is that even though lots of moves are very hard to do straight away because they require you to use the muscles you've never used before, with practice they look great!

I really feel like I'm improving.

I'm really happy I used to do piano when was little because it taught me that to do anything well, you need patience and lots of practice.

Also had a nice conversation with Amelia. She was saying how she was annoyed that our friends were acting middle aged and didn't want to go out and do fun stuff. I guess she was referring to April and Claudia, and even Christine to an extent. It's true that April and Claudia said they were over the whole clubbing scene. Amelia said, "How can you be over it at 22 when you haven't even really done it much?"

I agreed with her. I understand that clubbing isn't for everyone but it also frustrates me that my closest friends don't feel like going out and having fun (other than movies or dinner). Not that I really worry about it so much now that I have David for it. He said as soon as he finishes his exams, we are going out - anywhere I wanted. I told him I wanted to go dancing and he said he'd love to.

Amelia wants to travel in the summer or next year and I would've loved to come but I don't want to leave David for too long. And anyway, Amelia wants to go and have 'single girl' fun which I can't really do. This would've been good two years ago.

What would be great is taking David along or going with the other couples.

Speaking of couples, April and Blog Guy will never go out. Not exactly sure what happened but April was very upset and didn't want to go too much into it. She said she's going to tell me when she calms down. I'm very disappointed. It's not fair that she's always so unlucky in love. I really feel for her and wish there was something I could do.

I wish I could take her out somewhere where she can have fun but she's the type that's not interested in going anywhere. Maybe I should just take her to the movies or watch DVDs with her.

Now I don't even know if I should call her because maybe she doesn't feel like talking.

I'm trying to remember what I was like when I got rejected but I can't. I'm the type of person who likes friends to distract me but not everyone's like me.

Dancing, Reading and Accepting

Amelia is becoming my dance buddy. Our dance course is almost finished and we'll be going to a dance workshop next.

Today the teacher was checking that everyone could do specific moves. I was fine until we had to do the 'vertical figure eight'. She looked at me and said, "Not quite there," and tried to show me again. After a few tries, she told me that she will take me aside later. Once she moved on to the next person, Amelia did the Bring it On scene, "These are not spirit fingers! THESE are spirit fingers!" which just cracked me up.

Anyway, one of those moments that you had to be there.

Went to a library near my work today and started reading Watch Your Mouth by Daniel Handler. He has this technique of talking directly to the reader which I love. And it was a little graphic but not in a gross or cheesy way. If only the front cover wasn't so obvious, I would've borrowed it.

On a totally different note, April found out Blog Guy smoked. First thing she said, "Why does this always happen to me?!" I guess you have to learn that nothing in life is perfect so there will always be something. Apparently this guy quit a month ago but she's already like, "But how can I believe that he won't start again? If we ever start going out and he knows how much I hate it, he'll do it behind my back and I'll never trust him!"

You can see why we get on. She's also the Queen of Getting Carried Away.

Anyway, she said she accepted it and was glad I didn't tell her. (He told her himself.) Now she's just going crazy because she doesn't know how he feels. This guy is pretty horrible in the way that he keeps flirting and getting her hopes up. How's a girl supposed to tell if a guy likes her or likes to flirt.

That made me realise that David and I never really flirted before going out. I feel like I missed out on something. Guess we'll have to make up for lost time.

Speaking of David, he totally stuffed up his job interview today. I really wanted him to get it because he said that if he did he'd study part-time. That of course would mean that we could move our plans forward and I wouldn't have to wait another year. And it would be a great thing for him because I know he feels too old to be still studying.

Oh well, I wouldn't have expected him to do it well with only several hours of sleep. I don't see why he has to keep working ridiculous hours with his busy uni timetable. I'm sure he'd be able to find something better. I don't know how to make him see that everyone needs sleep, including him.

I miss him.

He calls me at work now which is nice but hard to talk properly with everyone listening.

Just wish he was here with me. I don't get why I have to miss him so much all the time.

Love is crazy. It seriously drives me nuts. I can be really annoyed at him and desperately want to be with him in the same moment. When he's with me, I can't get enough. When he's not, there's nothing else on my mind. Everything reminds me of him. I can combine him into any conversation. I can't sleep if we didn't come to an agreement on something.

We made a deal that we can never go to sleep upset with each other. David broke this on Sunday. He told me he was fine when he wasn't. Next day he called to say he couldn't sleep all night because he kept thinking about it.

My mind also keeps playing a 'moment' we had a few weeks ago. It was really raw and touching. Made me feel like I wouldn't be able to cope if anything happened to him. If I can't have him, I don't want anybody else.

At work, when Eve talks to her husband on the phone, her voice is always different. Unlike her usual friendly work tone, with him she is abrupt and annoyed, like she doesn't have to be nice to him. I hope I never become like that. Why do people treat the ones they love worse than those they don't? I understand they don't have to impress their loved ones but what difference should that make?

When David was telling me how he stuffed up the interview, I got annoyed and was about to sound snappish and irritated. I stopped myself. If a work colleague was telling me this, I'd be encouraging and compassionate. So I told David not to worry and that things happen. And you know what he said? He said, "Thanks, baby, for calling to see how the interview went". I mean, of course I'd call! But he still thanked me to show he appreciated it. If I told him off, I doubt he would've said it.

Treating people you love with the same tolerance that you treat people you want to impress, achieves so much more. It always feels better being loved by the person you love than being liked by people we don't really care about.

Ok, so once again, I have ranted about several different topics. I just missed blogging after not being able to connect to it for a week. I might talk about blog dependency another time.

Food Fakes and other Stuff

In the deepest of my horrible diet despairs, I saw some light - by the name of Orgran.

They actually make cookies without wheat, sugar or eggs, AND make them taste like cookies. A miracle. Maybe in the future they can make chocolate without cocoa, milk or sugar. I can always dream, right?

I also bought some lemon and poppyseed muffin mix. That doesn't even sound like healthy diet food! All I have to do is add water and put the mixture in the oven.

Of course the downside of these miracle food manipulations which make food out of nothing, is that not only is there no gluten, sugar etc, there's also no nutrition. This stuff doesn't give you energy or make you less hungry. All it does is satisfy cravings for the things you can't have. (Which should definitely not be underestimated, by any means.)

After work, I went to the library to distract myself and got a nice book which I will hopefully enjoy.

I also need to do some housework that I've neglected and fix (and clean) my car.

My favourite TV show is on tonight which I'm looking forward to.

What else can I say? As you can see my more regular blogging shows that I have more spare time again and don't have to stay back at work. It's great. I wish I didn't feel so tired though so I can get more stuff done. Maybe I'm just lazy.

The dance classes that I'm attending are going pretty well. Not even close to the fun I had in salsa classes, but interesting nonetheless. I don't know what it is about salsa that makes it so much fun. Could be because I love the music and even simple steps look pretty impressive. The dance I'm learning now is more difficult and requires a lot of flexibility. But, as with anything, things that seem impossible now become easy with practice.

Catching up with Amelia every week is nice too. We don't get to talk much during the class, other than make 'witty' comments but we get to catch up a bit when I drive her to her house. It's nice.

Haven't spoken with April for ages, but we still communicate through emails and our private blog.

Oh, April is online. So I will finish here.

Get A Room

Last night was one of the most fun nights out I've had in a while.

David and I went to Ria's birthday party at a tucked away cafe that had salsa dancing after people finished eating. The place felt like someone's house. All chairs got stacked away and the tables moved to the walls to allow room for the dancing. The music was a little different to the usual stuff which made for a nice change.

Most dancers were amazing. I thought I was getting better but next to the people on the floor, I looked amateurish. Which I guess I am. We had fun nonetheless.

It was mainly a South American crowd which I loved. Friendliness and fun overdose. There was this one guy who I straight away thought April would go for - cute, boyish, quiet, friendly. I sent David to make friends with him. Unfortunately David returned to tell me that even though he was a great guy he had a girl and he liked girls who were into dancing. Oh well, it was worth a try.

While he was talking to this guy, I was talking to two single girls when out of nowhere some guy asked me to dance. Can't say I didn't feel flattered. It's been a very long time since that happened. I refused though.

Ria had a bit of a drama. Her boyfriend didn't come until way into the night. Her brothers were making fun of him which Ria just nervously laughed at. When he did come, they went outside and she came back looking like she was crying. Something I never imagined her to do. Then they made out like there was no tomorrow. (Even David said it was a bit too much.) Now that I'm in a relationship, other relationships really intrigue me more than ever.

David and I decided to go outside a bit for some fresh air and because it was a little hard to switch off from the 'salsa' atmosphere where 'being close' was the norm, David had his arms around me and we were being a little on the snuggly side when someone from a passing car yelled, "Get a fucking room!" I was mortified! For someone to yell something like that at me! ME! The person who used to think these things about people who showed even a hint of coupledom. How could I have turned into someone I always felt bitter about?

I blame it on the fact that I still haven't switched off the mood inside the club. I mean, when everyone in the club is hanging off their partner, it's easy to forget people outside these salsa places have a different standard of PDA.

I was so embarrassed I almost ran back in. David found it funny; he was like, "I think we should get a fucking room".

We danced some more and went back to my house. Had a really good talk. He told me his Mum said that we act like we're engaged. So it's not only my parents who get carried away. What is it with parents?

Anyway, I know something that should happen at the end of next year that I will have to keep to myself at least until halfway through next year. Every time I think about it, I can't help but smile and feel happy all over.

Evil Thoughts and the Usual Topic

I have evil thoughts. I don't know if it's stress or frustration. But I feel horrible for even thinking some things.

I had an evil feeing of excitement when there was a possibility for a couple to break up. Not my friends but still. I'm trying to excuse this thought by thinking that I don't really know this couple and maybe to me it's like wanting characters to break up in a film, for the juicy consequences.

I've also been getting really emotional lately. I feel like there are buckets of water just underneath my eyelids, waiting to spill out.

I'm pretty sure it's work stress. I keep reminding myself that at least I have a job. But it's scary to think that the project I'm working on might fall through and I will lose all chances of having my contract extended. It scares the hell out of me.

I should be doing work now but I feel so tired.

I miss David. He came over on Friday night and stayed over till this morning. I just love him so much. And I know he loves me too. He did this really touching and spontaneous thing that almost made me cry.

He also said that he wanted to spend his life with me. We even planned when we'd buy property and when we'd go to Europe. We talked about kids and weddings. A while ago he said he had always imagined he'd get married in a church and how he and his sister talked how she'd be the 'godmother' to his kids but now it wasn't going to happen. I said, "Sorry, but no". And he smiled and said, "Anyway, I have something much much better than that".

On Friday night, before David came over my Mum asked me, "So when are you getting married?" I told her not any time too soon. Then we got talking and she said how love can make people blind. I asked her if she thought I was being blind about David. She replied, "If I thought that, your Dad and I woud've thoroughly cleaned out your brain a long time ago."

I asked her what she thought of him (just out of curiousity). She said, "There's nothing obviously wrong with him. He's kind, he's smart, he's polite, respectful. Just the different culture thing." I said, "So the only negative you can think of is that he's not POBian?" Well, that's great!

On Saturday night, David and I were chatting with my brother. He was talking online to his friends, while David gave him advice on girls. It was hilarious.

D: Man, you're too slow. Just ask them for coffee.
A: I don't really like any of them that much
me: you know tons of girls, how can you not like any?
A: well, there's this POBian one [showing a photo on the computer of a girl who knows she's hot]
D: she's alright
A: she does drugs. Or did drugs. And likes to get drunk
D: man, delete any photo you have of a girl who does drugs, gets drunk or smokes. If they do drugs, you can get into a lot of trouble just knowing them. If they get drunk or smoke, they're weak! Man, come on, you don't need one like that. You need someone smart. Otherwise, you'll get bored.

I thought I was listening to myself (minus, 'man' this and 'man' that). I didn't even need to open my mouth because his was speaking for me.

You know, I always start writing thinking I'd write a really sharp and short entry that's straight to the point but then I go on a tangent about David and my entry becomes a blurry mess. I guess that's how my brain is right now. Maybe I should rename my blog to "How I Love David, and Other Bits).

On another different tangent, I've eaten a lot of rubbish on the weekend. It was very delicious rubbish, nonetheless.

From next week, Amelia and I will be going to dancing lessons which I'm really looking forward to! I desperately need some exercise and learning a new type of dance is always exciting. And of course catching up with Amelia on a weekly basis would be just excellent.

And you know what, there will be zero guys at this dance class. That, I'm 100% sure of. And I couldn't care less. Because I already found the guy I've always wanted. And not interested in the slightest of meeting someone 'better'. I know there's no one better. You can't have better than the best, now, can you?

There I am again. What can I say? Seeing David only on the weekends is just not enough. Even if we do speak on the phone every day. Just not enough. It's never enough. I seriously don't know how I'd be able to function without him. Even when I get annoyed at him, I never feel like I just don't want to see him. I'd be angry at him and all I'd be able to think would be that I want him to give me a hug.

I want to marry him. Not because I've always dreamed of getting married at my age, but just because I want to be with him ALL the freaking time. Is this bad? Is this wrong? Is this crazy? If it is, I don't care. I've never been happier.