As Long as You're There

For the last few days, I have been composing blog posts in my head. Now that I sat down to write them, I can't remember the point of any of them.

David stayed over the last few days which was wonderful, even though he slept for most of his time here. Really hope he gets a new job so he can quit his current one. Then he can have a normal life again and we can spend weekends together.

We went to see an apartment yesterday. That was a new experience. I was a bit lost at first. I didn't know what I was looking for. Were there specific questions I had to ask? David was very confident, making comments like a proper grown-up.

You know, I woke up and thought that I was still 21. Then it dawned on me that I was actually a few years older. I told David this and he laughed, "Don't worry, baby, you will always be 21 to me".

I don't know why it's so hard to accept my age. I mean not that I'm unhappy to be 23 but it always gives me a bit of a jolt when I remember. Maybe 'cause I'm almost out of my early 20s now and the distance from my teenage years is becoming longer. Yet, inside my head, I still feel the same as I did when I was 19 or 20.

It makes me wonder if retired people or even middle-aged feel like their younger selves are stuck in their older bodies.

Maybe in adulthood, you physical body changes a lot quicker than your mental state.

I can hear David's voice in my head telling me to stop thinking too much...

On Friday, I didn't go to work 'cause I had to get my POBian passport. (The consulate only opens in the morning and since I had the flu, I decided to take the whole day off.)

My Mum went with me. On the train, she asked, "Can you believe you are getting married?" I think she was asking herself more than me. She said, "I never imagined you to marry someone from such a different background and culture. Did you ever think you would?" I didn't think I would marry anyone but I didn't say that. I told her his culture was actually not so different to ours.

South American culture is one of the few in the world that actually excites me. I mean, what's not to like? A focus on music, dancing and family, what can be better?

I haven't met any guy, from any culture, that was more responsible, reliable and yet able to have a good time (without any additional substances).

I haven't felt wierd about our upcoming wedding since the engagement. I think the initial fact that we were getting married made both of us a little anxious. Now that the novelty wore off, we couldn't be more excited.

April and I used to talk about how a wedding is the only really big exciting thing to look forward to in life. Although I never completely agreed with that, I did understand that there wouldn't be anything as fun to plan. Now I find myself looking more forward to after the wedding. Like spending time together on our honeymoon or settling into our new home.

When before, something like buying property seemed boring, now it's exciting.

I'm also really looking forward to being able to go out on weekends and come home together. I know that seems really insignificant but thinking about it really makes me buzz inside.

When I think about all the times with David that really stood out for me, they are always really low-key like talking while lazying around on his bed or pretending to dance in the kitchen. It's not the time we got engaged or when he asked me out. It's never a milestone.

I've also decided to calm down about the whole wedding planning even though the photographer is avoiding me after changing the original price and there's new confusion about which DJ to use. I'm just going to go with the flow and enjoy whatever happens. Same goes for the honeymoon (which also involves hours of planning and choosing from countless options, one better than the next). I'm going with David's view, "As long as you're there, it will be perfect".