Searchin' My Soul

I've been down this road walkin' the line
That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life
That I just can't hide

Oh I believe I am ready for what love has to bring
Got myself together, now I'm ready to sing

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

One by one, the chains around me unwind
Every day now I feel that I can leave those years behind

Oh I've been thinking of you for a long time
There's a side of my life where I've been blind and so...

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
Everything gonna be alright
I've been searchin' my soul tonight
Don't wanna be alone in life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

Baby I been holding back now my whole life
I've decided to move on now
Gonna leave all my worries behind

Oh I belive I am ready for what love has to give
Got myself together now I'm ready to live

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
Everything gonna be alright
I've been searchin' my soul tonight
Don't wanna be alone in my life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

“Ally McBeal” has officially ended yesterday and I’m missing the characters as if they were real people. I mean it was the only show that I really loved. Ally is my all time favourite fictional character. I can relate to her values and dreams. She was such a complex person, yet so likeable. I even cried at the end of the episode and I never cried at a TV show. I only cried a couple of times after a few movies (Beaches, Stepmom). I was bawling my eyes as if someone died. I couldn’t believe myself. I guess the characters did 'die' because their world disappeared forever and I can never get a glimpse into it again. Maybe it was because it was late at night and people usually get more emotional at night. I don’t know. I’m listening to the “Ally McBeal” soundtrack now. I haven’t listened it for years. I got it just when the show was in its beginning. I swear it’s the soundtrack to my life. I can’t believe I’m obsessing over a show so much. Maybe I’ll miss it so much because I watched it from the beginning to the end. I’ll stop rambling about it. I’ll get over it after I’ll talk about it with April. She’ll understand. It was like the only show we talked about all through our high school years. We probably became friends because of the show. I’m probably dramatising the whole thing but I really loved the show. Okay, I know you get it so I’ll change the subject.

I watched the Michael Jackson special yesterday. I don’t know why since his face is capable of giving me nightmares. I was glued to the screen, listening to him. That man is beyond repair and I have nothing but great pity for him and his children. He talks crazy and doesn’t realise how selfishly he treats his children. I hope they won’t suffer great psychological damage but what are the chances of that when they’re living in some unreal world. Michael Jackson is beyond human. He’s like some disillusioned child in a distorted adult’s body. Anyway.

You know how I mentioned that I was supposed to show an overseas girl around? Well, I was going to call her yesterday but just before I did, Mum told me that she didn’t come. She cancelled at the last minute. Something to do with her dancing. Not exactly sure what. Maybe she got picked to dance in some popular production. Who knows. Oh well. I was kinda looking forward to it. Of course I’d rather show a guy around but if he didn’t come, I would be even more disappointed. And I like meeting new people so maybe that’s part of the disappointment.