Guess What?

I no longer have a boyfriend. I have a fiancee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still in a bit of shock 'cause even though I've been waiting for this and expecting, I still can't quite believe it.

Maybe I need some time for the whole thing to sink in.

Haven't told April yet 'cause it's late but I can't wait to do it tomorrow.

David convinced me to take a day off work tomorrow. Not sure what excuse I'll use. I wonder if "I'm engaged" is good enough.

Don't think I can sleep tonight.

Telling my parents was nerve-wrecking. I was too worried my Mum would cry but she held up.

I know it's a big deal but I don't want other people emphasising it.

I wonder how other people feel straight after being engaged.

To be honest, I'm a little scared. Even though I've given this a lot of thought (before David asked me to marry him), I still feel nervous. Is that weird?

I think I'm better now than I was a few hours ago.

Oh. My. God. I am getting married!!!!!!

Trees In the Wind

I'll light up the tree, call up the guests
But no one will come
I'll set the table and sit in the corner
The cake in front of me

Night will be beautiful and bright
Zero degrees
I'll stick up your photo on the wall
Playing the role of Juliet

But the trees in the wind are shaking their heads
I also don't understand why you're not with me

Put on my coat, go outside
Cold darkness out there
The phone is silent, A minor in my soul
And the string has burst

But the trees in the wind are shaking their heads
I also don't understand why you're not with me

Behind a wall, lives a white mouse
Without family or friends
The snow buried the city up to the roofs
The snow is the guru and know-it-all

But the trees in the wind are shaking their heads
I also don't understand why you're not with me

You promised to come at eight
But on the clock it's already eleven
You are still not here
I look out the window but there's only snow

Ok, this is not one of my best translations but I love this song, sung by the most innocent girl's voice. Soft but clear. It makes me sad but comfortable.

Almost Monday

Not looking forward to work tomorrow. Especially my idiotic manager.

Last week she signed a print approval form (that it was fine for the work to go to print). A week later (after I've already approved the proof) she told me that she had to make some changes to the text. I reminded her that it was about to be printed because she signed the form. With a look of shock in her face, she said, "I didn't realise that's what I was signing!"

I mean, there are just no words.

She told me to immediately call the printer and stop the process. Lucky when I called, he hasn't started our job.

I try not to let it stress me because it's not like I'll be in trouble if she's signing off things she hasn't even read. But still, I like to get things done right. At least I have a job so I shouldn't really complain.

The good thing about Mondays is that once they're over, the rest of the week seems to fly by. It's hard to believe it's end of February already!

Short & Sweet

Last night I saw a collection of short plays. I was very impressed because there were no elaborate sets (if any at all) and the costumes were nothing exciting either. However, the script and the acting were enough to completely immerse me in the stories. I still can't get them out of my head.

Everyone was there, except David. He didn't want to go. He really missed out! I knew he would've loved it. As I was watching them, I really wished he was with me to share the fun. Oh well, next time.

There was one about a couple's marriage problems and April and I interpreted it completely differently. It's interesting how being in a relationship, I saw the play in a quite different way.

The Moving Out Club

Another one of my friends is moving out. You might remember me mentioning Sally (especially duing my uni days). She's got a very interesting story but I can't tell you because I still fear someone from my uni reads this blog.

Let's just say she is in a long distance relationship with someone her family doesn't like. Sometimes I think she doesn't like him either. She told me once she was afraid of never finding anyone else. Anyway, long story.

I wonder if her boyfriend finally decided to move to our city and she's moving out with him. Very curious to know all the details.

Well, another "moving-out" friend to add to my growing list.

I Want it Now

I'm sick of my Mum's pressure about David's and my future. Just sick of it!

She tells me everything I already know. She keeps forgetting I'm not the only one in the relationship. Wish David was simpler and didn't make such a big deal out of little things, but I can't change him. I'm stuck and it's making me very frustrated and upset.

I know I can never have what I've always dreamed of and even though I've accepted it, I still wonder why David can't make it happen. Yes, I've heard his reasons but they don't really make sense to me. And he knows it.

I try to stop the "why"s from surfacing 'cause they only upset me and no one else. I should be happy I have him, right? Other things shouldn't matter. But as we all know, once we have something, we want more. And more... and more.

My constant analysing creates doubt in what's going on. I try to block this doubt because I don't want it to be true. Then I get confused if this doubt has a real basis or if it's just a result of my over-thinking.

My patience has been tried way too much. I'm sick of waiting and not being able to do anything. I feel powerless. I can't get what I want and I don't like that. This is probably because I'm spoilt.

I've also just remembered how my Dad never gave me the POBian English dictionary of swear words. I found it when I was a child and made the biggest mistake by running around the house and saying, "Look, what I've got!" My Dad quickly took it away from me and told me he wouldn't give it back until I was mature enough. None of my begging and pleading made any difference.

Then when I tured 21, I told him that I proved to be old enough to read it and just wanted to have a look out of curiosity. He kept saying he forgot to bring it back from work. I confronted him about it and he made it very clear that he was never going to give it to me. You can't imagine how mad it made me. I kept pestering him but he never budged. (Don't think there's anyone more stubborn than him.)

It still angers me that he broke his promise.

Don't know where I'm going with this story other that I hate when I can't get what I want, especially when I've been looking forward to it.

Dancing with David

David and I finally enrolled in a dance course together. We are going to be doing 2 hours of (Ballroom and Latin) dancing every week.

As you can imagine, I was really looking forward to it. Since it's a local class, I didn't expect to see many people so I was quite surprised to see all ages of both males and females in the class.

David and I had a 'conflict' before the class even began. It was very stupid but I got very annoyed nonetheless. Fortunately, dancing has the ability to make you forget why you were irritated in the first place and brings people back together.

As we were doing the "Slaoo, slaoo, quick, quick" of the Slow Rhythm, David said, "Baby, I'm a natural at this!" Just then, the elderly instructor came up and said, "Young man, let me show you how to do this correctly".

I tried not to smile. After the instructor left, David's ego said, "Ballroom dances are so uptight! You can't have any fun". I told him good dancers have to be versatile. He poked out his lower lip like an upset child and said, "Why does she have to pick on me?"

I tried to comfort him, "She's only telling you this because she knows you've got potential to be really great, unlike the others who have no hope". He didn't seem too convinced, but it was starting to get much easier to dance with him.

When we were instructed to rotate partners, I obviously stayed put. Then an elderly lady came up to us and said, "It's time to move on". We both shook our heads, not even looking at her. Then, this lady tapped me on my shoulder and told me that it was her turn to dance with David. She didn't look too nice when she said it either. David pulled me closer and I explained that "we'd like to stay together". The lady looked confused for a moment but then grumpily moved on to a male closer to her age.

I had my time of rotating and dancing with weird guys. Now I wanted to dance with my hot naturally self-assured boyfriend.

We learnt the basics of Rumba next. It had the Latin feel of the Salsa so it came a lot easier to both of us, even though it was supposed to be the more difficult dance.

I really enjoyed myself and can't wait till the next lesson!

Me or the Train

me: you better go or you're going to miss your train
David: but then I'm going to miss you

My Valentine's Day

The best compliment I got on Valentine's Day was when David didn't realise I made the card for him. He thought I bought it. Nothing can make a designer feel as good as being thought of as a pro.

Creativity Block

The internet is stifling my imagination. I realised this when my computer decided to stop working. Not having the internet I had to resort to old ways of entertaining myself, such as reading (which I've been really neglecting). It's amazing how many more useful things I could be doing if it wasn't for the internet.

I used to write creatively before I discovered blogging. I used to draw, create projects... Now I just can't be bothered. The internet is just the easiest form of entertainment, other than TV. The interactivity of the world wide web make the internet more exciting than watching a screen passively.

I was even thinking of making myself stop using the internet for a few weeks to see what I could do instead. But I don't think I could do it.

My Valentine

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I'm strangely looking forward to it. I don't want to 'cause it's such a commerical holiday which used to make me bitter but I can't help it.

'Cause someone asked me to be his Valentine. So corny but so cute. I can't help but smile.

Plus I just have this tingly feeling inside me that 'something' might happen. It probably won't but I can't help but hope that it will.

Such a Lovely Shade of Grey

Cold rainy days are great for staying cacooned inside in the comfort of your own home. Preferably curled up on the couch with another warm body (but obviously not just any body).

Love cold dark wet days but only if I don't have to be at work.

What Friend?

Amelia messaged me last week because she was "obliged" to tell me that there was a shoe sale near my work. Before, that message would've made me smile but this time, I felt sad. I didn't even reply. Couldn't get the stupid things she said out of my head and I don't think I ever will.

I think once the respect is gone, it's too hard to maintain the same level of friendship.

The Perfect World

What my perfect world would be like:

- no violence
- no cruel/evil people (e.g. murderers/terrorists)
- no jealousy/envy/anger/depression/grief and all the other negative emotions
- no illness/sickness/injury and no pain
- no death (unless you were ready to die)
- no weapons
- no discrimination
- no religion
- no deception
- no guilt
- no one would ever be judged negatively or looked down on

- all food would be good for you
- you could pick what you want to look like
- you'd always be in perfect health (no toothaches/sore eyes/allergies etc.)
- you would never have to waste time going to the toilet
- you would always be clean so you'd never have to wash or brush your teeth
- giving birth would be painless and pregnancy would last only a few weeks (at most)
- no one would have to shave
- no periods

- you could have any career you want and you'd always love your job
- you'd have plenty of time to do things outside of work
- you'd only need 4 hours of sleep so you'd have more time to do other things

- everyone would have friends and family
- everyone would feel passionate love
- everyone would have great sex

- the environment would always be in perfect shape and abundant with natural resources
- there would be a perfect balance between sunshine and rainy days and cool breezes
- no such thing as sunburn
- your hair would always remain in great condition even when you go swimming in the ocean
- animals and humans would live in perfect harmony

- no traffic jams, ever
- never have lack of energy

Never having any of the above obstacles would make people concentrate on scientific research and the Arts and other projects.

And of course, there'd be no conflift/contradiction between the above things and no reasons such as rules of economy/physics/human nature to prevent them.

Most of all, we would be able to appreciate that perfect world and devour life with enthusiasm and excitement.

About Dreams

"You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it. You want something? Go get it."

Watched Pursuit of Happyness yesterday and the above quote really got me thinking.

Ever since I can remember I always had the same dream. (You know, show business). My parents knew it but they always told me that my dream was not practical. Since I was highly influenced by my parents and very sensible, deep down I was too scared to take any risks to make my dream a reality.

Yes I've tried (probably not hard enough) and the result of my dream not coming to fruition was proof to me that my dream was unreachable. It was just not realistic.

Another major obstacle for me is thinking I'm not good enough. You see all these people who are so sure of themselves when they don't even realise they're nowhere near who they think they are. I never want to be one of those people. I want to be realistic about my abilities. Maybe my realism stops me from doing things. I wish I could think "Just cause other people can't do it, doesn't mean I can't either".

You can think I'm just full of excuses for my lack of motivation and persistence. You might even be right. Of course I want things to come easier. Maybe it gets to a point where you have to decide how much you really want your dream because if you really really want it, you would do anything. Maybe I just don't want it hard enough.

Last week I decided to live by a new rule - "Never say no to anything" (please no smart-arse comments about this). Life is too short, I'm going to take up every single opportunity. You never know where it might lead me. If I can't work in movies, I will make my life a movie.