I Want it Now

I'm sick of my Mum's pressure about David's and my future. Just sick of it!

She tells me everything I already know. She keeps forgetting I'm not the only one in the relationship. Wish David was simpler and didn't make such a big deal out of little things, but I can't change him. I'm stuck and it's making me very frustrated and upset.

I know I can never have what I've always dreamed of and even though I've accepted it, I still wonder why David can't make it happen. Yes, I've heard his reasons but they don't really make sense to me. And he knows it.

I try to stop the "why"s from surfacing 'cause they only upset me and no one else. I should be happy I have him, right? Other things shouldn't matter. But as we all know, once we have something, we want more. And more... and more.

My constant analysing creates doubt in what's going on. I try to block this doubt because I don't want it to be true. Then I get confused if this doubt has a real basis or if it's just a result of my over-thinking.

My patience has been tried way too much. I'm sick of waiting and not being able to do anything. I feel powerless. I can't get what I want and I don't like that. This is probably because I'm spoilt.

I've also just remembered how my Dad never gave me the POBian English dictionary of swear words. I found it when I was a child and made the biggest mistake by running around the house and saying, "Look, what I've got!" My Dad quickly took it away from me and told me he wouldn't give it back until I was mature enough. None of my begging and pleading made any difference.

Then when I tured 21, I told him that I proved to be old enough to read it and just wanted to have a look out of curiosity. He kept saying he forgot to bring it back from work. I confronted him about it and he made it very clear that he was never going to give it to me. You can't imagine how mad it made me. I kept pestering him but he never budged. (Don't think there's anyone more stubborn than him.)

It still angers me that he broke his promise.

Don't know where I'm going with this story other that I hate when I can't get what I want, especially when I've been looking forward to it.