Miss USA

I saw Miss USA and it made me wonder what it's like to look so beautiful to so many people...

Wedding Preparations

I bought my veil yesterday. I found it in the first shop I went to. It's probably weird but I love it more than I love my dress. When I tried it on, I knew straight away that I had to get it. And it was on sale since it said it was faulty. My Mum and I (along with the saleswoman) looked carefully through the whole thing to see what was wrong with it and couldn't find anything.

It's got a wide wave of crytals running along the sides of the veil's two layers so it makes it look like my hair's got a waterfall of sparkles running along the side. It's beautiful.

I didn't think I'd be this excited about a veil.

Next on the list is shoes. April and maybe Ella are coming with me. April also wants to have a look for her dress. Should be fun. I haven't seen my friends for a while and with David preparing for exams/doing assignments and working long hours, I've been getting pretty bored. Especially that I have no TV show to obsess about and I forgot to get some books from David's house to read.

Wedding preparations have stopped stressing me out as much as before since the major stuff like the place, the dress and the photographer/videographer and DJ have pretty much been finalised.

Now I just need to book the ceremony place, the marriage celebrant and book honeymoon.

Buying property has been put on hold at the moment. We might have to rent first. That's not the end of the world so I'm not too worried about that.

Undiscovered

A new song I can't get enough of - Undiscovered by James Morrison

You think that I wanna run and hide
I'll keep it all locked up inside
I just want you to find me
I'm not lost, I'm not lost, just undiscovered

Hairy Problem

It weighed on my mind for a while now (i.e. several years) and the upcoming wedding was the push that I needed to get the permanent hair reduction treatment. I have pretty much tried all the methods to remove my thick hair but they have all lead me to even more frustration.

Shaving = harsh stubble in less than a day
Waxing = couldn't do it properly at home since I just don't have the ability to cause myself pain, salon treatments are expensive
Creams = an imaginary treatment. Whoever said it worked?
Epilating = hours wasted, red bumps for at least a day

Laser hair removal was out of the question as it doesn't sound anywhere near safe.

The only option left was the new IPL/SPL treatment going around. The major obstacle that prevented me was the price. At several hundred per session for legs and at least 6 treatments, that adds up to an equivalent of an overseas trip.

Then, the thought of never having to worry whether people would see the tiny black dots on my legs if I wore a skirt for the whole day or being able to go swimming in summer at the spur of the moment... I just couldn't resist that bright future any longer.

Ashley (from uni) was telling us recently how she had her armpits done and how happy she was with the result. There's nothing like hearing a personal experience to encourage me even more.

David tried to talk me out of it, said he didn't care. I told him I wasn't doing it for him. I wanted to do it for me. I explained how extremely inconvenient this whole thing was and that doing it would make that part of my life a whole lot easier. I think he was just worried that it was dangerous.

Last Saturday I had it done. And it hurt a lot more than "almost painless" that they advertised.

The woman said the hair is supposed to fall out in two weeks. I'm not sure if I'm imagining but I see a reduction already. I'm not expecting to be 100% hairfree after all this but I really hope that it will make a significant difference.

Women who don't have this problem are just so lucky. My Mum is one of them. Of course I had to take my Dad's hairy genes. Oh well, c'est la vie. I hope David and my kids take my Mum's genes, otherwise, poor kids (if they're girls).

Hopefully by the end of the year, I can go on my honeymoon without worrying about body hair.

I See You

Every new evening
I open my shoulder-wings.
Without a shadow of a doubt
Today I will meet with you
And you will notice me,
But under the strength of nervousness
I will turn into a shadow.

And you pass nearby
I embrace you with my sight
I could just touch you
But you don't know me
You dream of another one
New day, tomorrow, will be neverending again.

I don't need much - brush with just my sight
The tips of your eyelashes for a few seconds.
I will bewitch you, towards everyone I envy you
But maybe you'll read my look and your heart will beat back.

Perhaps I look ordinary
My dreams are transparent
But I obstinately believe in them.
Stewing in my body
And with pulse beating against the vein
The reckless wish to be forever yours.

I see you in the crowd
Suddenly I hate myself
The night will choke on water
As if it was like that
Forgot to love myself
Be damned the day I met you.

I don't need much - brush with just my sight
The tips of your eyelashes for a few seconds.
I will bewitch you, towards everyone I envy you
But maybe you'll read my look and your heart will beat back.

- POBian song from my favourite POBian show

Yes, you can say I'm a little bit obsessed with it.

Every Cell

I feel so empty without my POBian TV show...

I watched the bit where he recites her diary back to her. He found her in a cafe.

Kate: Leave. Go, leave me alone.
(He stays.)
K: Then I will leave.
(She gets up but he grabs her)
K: Let go of me.
Andrew: Two minutes. Two minutes.
K: There's nothing to talk about
A: Listen, please, I ask you.
K: Don't you dare boss me around. You're not my boss and I'm not the Kate who would hang off your every word
A: You love me.
K: No! Where did you get that from?
A: You don't believe what you say
K: You know, Andrew, I don't have any feelings for you. Not love, not hate.
A: Yes...
K: Nothing!
A: Yes, there's no hate, thank God! But love...
K (laughing): Love? I don't care, don't you see?
A: You can't not care. I don't understand why you're saying that. I don't understand why these games.. You'll be with me anyway.
K: No
A: Yes
K: No
A: Yes, we'll start from scratch, as if nothing happened
K: No
A: Yes!
K: Two minutes passed. I'm leaving.
(She gets up. He goes after her.)
A: I hear Kate, Katie and fly to him. I see his smile and the whole world turns upside down.
K: Wha... what?
A: I love him with every cell... I breathe him. I... live only the thought of him
K (choking on her words): How could you?
A: When he's not near, when I don't hear his voice, the whole day lived was a waste for me
K: You... you read my diary?
A: Yes. Yes, I know that wasn't right. I had to do it so I could be sure that you still loved me. Forgive me. When I read your thoughts, I worried for that each day. Sorry. Sorry. Understand, I had to do it
K: It's mean... I hope this is your last mean thing. Good-bye.
A: Kate, I can't be without you!
K: Yes, you can

In the Mind of a Person in Love

I'm up to the last episode of my POBian TV show. It's the best love story, ever. I just can't believe I'm up to the end now. 200 episodes.

The premise seems so simple - girl falls in love with her boss, boss tricks her into believing he loves her, the trick backfires and he really falls in love with her, girl finds out he tricked her and can't forgive him, boss proves he really loves her, they get married and live happily ever after.

Sounds like some typical soap-opera. Only the events and the characters are so life-like that it's hard to believe that the whole thing isn't real.

There's this bit where he reads her diary and then recites it back to her in a desperate bid to show her that he knows she still loves him. Seeing the growing discomfort in her face made me feel like for that moment I was her and could feel every emotion she was going through. That's how good the actor is.

Only a truly great show/movie can transport you into someone else's mind.

Seeing the deep love the two characters have for each other makes me miss David more than anything. I imagine us being the two main characters in a TV show and that it was fate that brought us together, like no matter what, we were always going to be together. And as you know, I don't even believe in that stuff.

Seeing the main characters prepare for their wedding made me think about mine. I mean, with all the organising and planning, the anticipation of what is going to happen at the end of the year has gone. It's become a normal part of my life. I have to stop myself to reflect on the fact that what I've dreamed of for so long is going to come true. Really, it already has.

I'm the luckiest person to have found my dream guy already. He makes me laugh, he makes me happy. I think of something he did or said and I can't help but smile. My heart is now full.

Marrying Young

My relatives came over today to celebrate my Mum's birthday. The conversation steered towards my upcoming wedding. My aunt, Naomi, and her mum were only too eager to impart some advice.

"Sky, do everything while you're still young. Get married, have kids. It gets too hard when you get to your 30s," said Aunt Jemma.

"First time I was pregnant, everything went really easily but the second time when I was 30, I had to have extra tests to make sure the baby was ok. There's a bigger chance something might go wrong," added Naomi.

"Australians here think very differently. They have careers in their twenties and then stop their lives to have kids. What, you have kids and that's it?"

"It's much harder to get back into the workforce when you're older."

I think that sort of mentality I've inherited from POBian culture. It just makes perfect sense to me. My attitude towards marriage and kids is so different to all of my friends. While they think I'm too young to get married, let alone to have kids, I feel like I'd rather do that now then when I'm 30.

First of all, I feel ready and getting married to David is not such a difficult decision. Secondly, even though kids obviously do change your life, I don't plan for my own life to stop because of them. Everyone in my family is a perfect example of how you can have kids and have a life (e.g. satisfying career, travel, going out).

Of course we all have a big support network behind us where there's always a grandparent or an uncle or aunty willing to help out. One woman from work said that her parents don't want to help out with her kids since they've raised theirs and now want a break. So I'm sure once this woman becomes a grandparent, she's going to be very reluctant to help out her kids since she's never gotten any help.

This is how my family is different. Since my grandparents helped to raise me and my brother, my parents would only be too happy to pass on this help to us. And I would be happy to do the same for my own kids. David's family is the same.

I think marriage has bad publicity here with high divorce rates and people wanting to have their independence. In all honesty, a marriage is a partnership, you always have to think about the other person and help them out. That's the beauty of it. You always have someone you can rely on and who will be there and have you as their top priority. I don't mind giving up my independence for that.

I've had more than enough of independence. I just want to depend on somebody.

Beautiful

Today I discovered the world of beauty salons.

Only a few years ago, a beauty salon was a foreign place to me. I knew they were around but they were not something that particularly interested me.

However, lately they have passed my ears more than once and caught my attention (especially because of the wedding).

To motivate me even more, I received enough birthday money to treat myself to a facial.

I organised an appointment for this afternoon and went in with a little bit of trepidation at facing the unknown.

Firstly, I filled out a form enquiring about the most personal details (such as whether I was about to have my period and if I blushed easily). Then, a young woman (with not very inspiring skin) looked at my face through some special machine and told me that I had sun damage, oily skin, dehydrated eyes which showed sign of premature ageing.

While I took all that information, feeling quite deflated, she told me that she recommended a 'booster' treatment (only an extra $30, on top of the $79 and $49). I decided that I might as well do it to see if I could get optimal results.

After the inital stage, I was taken into a small room, given a towel with velcro on top and told to change into the 'robe'. When she walked out, I looked at the rectangular material and wondered how anyone could refer to it as a robe. I tied it around my neck to avoid any spillage on my clothes. When she came back, she looked at me strangely and explained that I was supposed take off my shirt and tie the 'robe' under my arms so she could give me a 'decolletage massage', something that I didn't remember as being included in the package.

Not wanting to seem prudish, I did as I was told. There, I had no issues. I lied on the bed and for the next hour, I had many slimy substances rubbed all over my face. The consultant also made sure to drop in, quite early into the session, that I needed to have this done every month for best results. I hoped that was not going to be the excuse for a bad first outcome.

I was also given an eye mask (something I really hoped would improve dark circles under my eyes and fine lines).

After everything was done, I was shown some products to buy. I refused all of them because I didn't want to spend another $130.

I looked at myself in the mirror and my face looked quite difference. Very smooth and shiny.

When David saw me and I asked what he thought, he said he liked my original face better. I was like, "What???? Why???" I told him it was much softer now. He had to agree.

I looked into the mirror again and rather than noticing what I saw before, it looked like my skin was porcelain - glowing a bit like plastic. I actually thought it made me look older.

When I got home and asked for Mum's opinion, she said it looked much clearer. I wasn't convinced.

I think today I noticed that my face looked older. There's almost nothing left of childish features. Oh well, guess I will have to accept this stuff now. At least I found my guy which is more than anything I ever wanted. The thought of David always cheers me up.

Exactly two years ago, I met David. That twist of fate, coincidence, luck or whatever else you want to call it, changed my life forever. Where would I have been if that day never happened? I think nowhere, only more depressed. David thinks I would've went travelling. Who knows.

I asked David if I changed since we've met. He said I dress less conservatively now and am much happier, but just as beautiful. He obviously hasn't changed, sweet talking as ever.

Violet Sky

I feel a little sad and lonely 'cause I haven't been able to spend much alone time with David this whole long weekend. And I miss him. A lot.

I don't think I'm able to describe how I feel right now anymore.

I keep listening to this song.

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like

My White Dress

I got the dress today!!!

I can't quite believe it. I've tried this one on a few weeks ago but they only had my size in ivory (and I really wanted white) and it was a little too heavy for my liking. It was also a little out of my price range (even though it was reduced from $2500 to $1250). Once I left the store, I couldn't stop thinking about it (especially after I tried on many others).

Today, my Mum and I went to a place which had lots of bridal dress shops. I walked into the same shop that I've been to in another suburb and saw the same dress, in white but a size larger. The sales person convinced me that it was easy to make it smaller. I still struggled with the price. I could've easily gotten a simpler dress for $800 or used the one a family friend gave me (for free!). I could've saved lots of money but I decided that I just really wanted the out-of-my-budget one (typically).

The more I looked at it in the mirror, the more I wanted it. So I bought it.

There went my plan on saving money on a dress.

I'm starting to realise that there is no such a thing as 'saving money' on a wedding.

Wedding Photos and Videos

Met up with a photographer and videographer today. It's hard to believe I need to organise it now since most of the ones I enquired about are booked out.

This pair also had the advantage of lowest prices. $1650 for 6 hours of video and photography. Yeah, cheap isn't it? What was I thinking I could get that for under a thousand. Silly me.

I guess I could keep looking but to be honest, I'm worried I might miss out. The people I met today I liked, they were professional and friendly. Nothing 'Wow' but they were ok. I think I'll just go with them and cross another point off my list.