Chewing Gum

I've heard that chewing gum a lot can really ruin your stomach. Is this true? Cause I chew gum all the time.

New Attitude Growing Strong Amidst Empty Hopes.

I love unexpected things, but only if they are good ones of course!

On Friday, my Mum was trying to be a TV show Mum by letting me know that I could tell her stuff about guys. I knew that already, but why would I want to?

Actually, it is nice to know that I could talk to her. It's just every time I do talk to her about my non-existent boyfriend situation, I just get all depressed.

It all started with me telling her my exciting USA trip plans and how after that I wanted to visit other places. But can I talk to Mum about the future without her turning it into my future family life? Of course not.

So she started saying how I shouldn't forget, to slot in between all my travels, to find a husband. I told her (as I usually do) that it's not something I can plan. And she said that it's exactly a plan, just because she found my Dad that way. I told her that there's no way that I'm asking acquaintances to introduce me to guys. That's just too embarrassing. So she had to use the example of her high school best friend who laughed at my Mum when she was asking people to introduce her to potential husbands and she ended up with an alcoholic and has a horrible life now.

I told her that it was just not that easy, especially for me, to find a guy that I would really like and she said that she doesn't mean to pressure me but it's just something I should think about because she doesn't want me to end up alone. I seriously felt like crying. As if I don't think about that almost 24/7 anyway! I'm freaking tired thinking about it.

So I decided that I don't care if I never get married and it's not so bad living alone. I'll still have my friends and work and hobbies. I will be able to do whatever I want, whenever I feel like it. It's actually a kind of a selfish lifestyle. Maybe I will adopt and help out a needy child to make my life less self-centred. Who knows. I managed to convince myself that it won't be so bad.

The next day, I went to work with my new attitude, not in my best mood but getting used to the idea. So instead of having a boring day where I can just get so involved in my routine that I wouldn't have to think about anything, a number of encounters had to happen to make it harder for me to see my future single life as enjoyable.

Encounter #1: During my break, another girl/lady/woman (whatever) was having her break at the same time. Somehow we got talking about going overseas and she said that she was going to POB (where I was born). That surprised me a bit because why would anyone want to go there, especially to the parts that she was going. So she told me how she grew up hanging out with people from POB. Where the hell did she find them? I'm from there and I don't hang around with POBian people simply because I don't know that many (apart from Nadine and a few others).

She then proceeded to tell me that there are a lot of POBians at work. No one I know. Her ex-boyfriend is one of them. She thought he was sitting behind us but then she said that he must've left so she started telling me what an idiot he was. But as soon as we were leaving, it turned out that he was sitting there so he must've heard us. Oops.

Anyway, she introduced us. I was so excited to be introduced to a POBian guy but he obviously wasn't so I didn't get a good first impression. Plus he looked too old for me anyway. But a thought came to my mind that she might introduce me to more POBian guys! I had to push that hope away because I know that hope only leads to disappointment.

Encounter #2: I was having a nice time chatting with my new work friends when an EXTREMELY hot guy customer asks me for help. Of course, I try not to act too differently to how I normally would just 'cause he's so good looking 'cause he didn't do anything to get his good genes. He asked me where all our expensive stuff was. After that, I thought, "Rich Snob". After I showed him stuff that's around $100, he told me it looked too tacky. Obviously the guy doesn't understand what really tacky things look like. I didn't hold it against him. I asked him what sort of thing was he looking for. He said that he needed to get a present for his Mum and he wanted to get something nice. "Rich Snob" label disappeared immediately and was replaced by "Mama's Boy". I showed some classy things which weren't too expensive and told him that he could just buy a lot of things and that would be expensive. That was my bad attempt at a joke but he laughed anyway. I then asked him what price range he was looking at. He said that it's not that he wants something specificly expensive, just something that 'looked' expensive. I could completely relate to his way of thought and removed all labels, apart from "Hot Guy" because I couldn't take that away from him.

He then asked me what my favourite thing was. I stupidly started babbling how I've been around all those things for so long that it all looked the same to me. Later, I thought that I should've just picked anything. Maybe he would've bought it for me. But that's just me getting carried away. He could've thought I had horrible taste.

Anyway, I gave him an idea that he could get her one of those personalised Christmas decorations and he said that he'd come tomorrow and get it ('cause the person that does them wasn't there at the time). Too bad I wasn't working on Sunday so I could see if he came or not.

I know he probably has a girlfriend or he's too old. (I can never tell whether a guy is 22 or 27.) Most importantly, I will never see him again.

Encounter #3: After work, I caught the train with some people from work, including Patrick. He probably doesn't have a tertiary education but he seems really nice and who am I to guess his education level. It was fun talking with him (and the others).

When I got home, I had to remind myself that those encounters are just false hopes and there's no point in wallowing in them, hoping that they are a glimpse of a more promising future.

Nothing Interesting (For You)

I haven't written for a while because I was very busy with work and stuff (i.e. did not feel like writing). I've been really enjoying my holidays (and why wouldn't I). No more assignments, just work but at least I get money for that. I have been getting quite a few shifts which I'm happy about because I really need money for my next year's trip to the US which is becoming more of a reality with each day.

I talked to Nadine yesterday and she was telling me about her US trip plans. (She's going in a month.) Although at first I was really disappointed that she decided to go with someone else, now I'm quite happy about it because we want to do completely different things there so we would've just got annoyed at each other. I really wanted to ask her if she was still going out with Jack but it didn't come up.

April came over yesterday so we could decide about our movie but of course as usual, when we have to think of something at right that moment, our minds go blank and when we have to go, we get lots of ideas. So when she went home, we had to talk on the phone anyway. Sometimes, it just seems pointless to want to have anything of ours to be produced for TV. Without a great (not just good) idea, we have nothing.

Well, we set ourselves goals to write 15 pages each week so we could at least finish our movie by the end of this year. Even if it's bad, at least we'll have something finished.

Imagination Frustration

I think I'm finally realising that April and I have about 1% chance of getting our TV show on TV. The most practical way (I can think of) to get into 'the business' is to make a short film and submit it into some competition and hopefully it will be well liked. Then enter as many competitions as possible in the hope of winning some. Then send a movie script to all studios in the hope that someone might notice it. Meanwhile try to get any job (volunteer even!) at some film set (even if it's some film that will never be big). Then and ONLY then will we have a bigger chance of getting our TV show produced. Another way is to try to make the TV show into a book series which hopefully will become popular and then create the TV show.

So the first step is to make a short film. April and I have been trying to think of a good one for months and we can't come up with ANYTHING that will have a chance of winning. I think our imaginations are declining with every day. The annoying thing is that we have overload of ideas for the TV show. Our creativity is going down the wrong channel.

The annoying thing is that even if we get to have our TV show on TV, it will probably be changed so much that it won't be ours anymore.

This is SO frustrating!

"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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My Nice Work Day: Paradox

Work was fun today! I know, that's quite unusual.

I was told to look after 2 employees. It felt weird having women (40 and 20 years older) asking me what I wanted them to do. And they were overly nice, the way you are nice to managers. It felt so weird! But having a bossy nature, I couldn't help but enjoy every second of it!

April and Claudia came to visit me today and we had lunch together. That's always nice! It's nice of them to come out just to see me! Love them.

Then Jeremy (the gossipy team leader) was nice to me. Actually you won't believe what he told me last week (I think). He said that he always asks me to do stuff because he knows that I will do it well and 'cause I'm the most reliable. What an unexpected compliment! Of course he had to turn it into gossip by saying that the other casual, Tamara (who is a very nice girl) isn't reliable at all. I tried to defend her and say that he won't give her a chance but he just said that he'd rather just ask me. How would you feel if someone is being nice to you at the expense of saying bad stuff about another person?

Anyway, today he asked me how old I was, again. Is it that hard to remember?! He then asked if I drink. What do you think?! He then said, "You should come out with us sometime". Now, on one hand I'm happy he asked but knowing him, I started wondering that if he knew more about me, he'd have more to gossip about. I should've asked him, "Who's us?" but I didn't think of it at the time. I wouldn't mind going out with them to see what kind of people 'us' is but I've been told by one other girl to never go out with them (the last time he asked me) 'cause she made that mistake once. She said it in a joking way so I don't know what she meant. I don't even like Jeremy that much but I need to meet more people.

And you won't believe what happened when I was going home! I was waiting for the train when I heard Jeremy's voice. I checked and it was him with Patrick (the other guy who works with me and the one that I thought had boyfriend potential). They didn't see me and I didn't feel like running after them when the platform was so crowded. What are the chances of both of them living on the same train line as me?!

Stuffed Comments

My comments thing is SO stuffed! Does anyone know where I can get comments that work?

Relatable Quotes

I can not believe that I finished that assignment yesterday!!!

But now I have to study for an exam on Friday, ugh. I've studied some in the morning so now I'm taking a break.

Not much to report from here.

Chatted with April yesterday about the depressing reality of never getting married. We've started a collection of things that we can relate to about our problem. One of them is the new Robbie Williams's song "Something Beautiful". The lyrics go like this:

You can't manufacture a miracle
The silence was pitiful that day.
A love is getting too cynical
Passion's just physical these days
You analyze everyone you meet
But get no sign, love ain't kind
every night you admit defeat
and cry yourself blind

If you can't wake up in the morning
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it, try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way

The DJ said on the radio
Life should be stereo, each day
In the past you cast the unsuitable
Instead of some kind of beautiful, you just couldn't wait
All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul no, no, no
Forgot the time feeling petrified, when they lived alone

How I can relate...

April sent me this quote from 'Friends':

Rachel
Okay! Y’know what? I realized it was stupid to get upset about not having a husband and kids. All I really needed was a plan. See I wanna have three kids...

Phoebe
Oh let me guess, and you wanna have them all at the same time and you wanna have them for your brother.

Rachel
As I was saying... I should probably have the first of the three kids by the time I’m 35 which gives me five years. I love this plan! I wanna marry this plan!

Phoebe
If you could do that, I’d marry the hippity-hop.

Rachel
So, if I wanna have my kid when I’m 35, I don’t have to get pregnant until I’m 34. Which gives Prada four years to start making maternity clothes! Oh wait, but I do want to be married for a year before I get pregnant.

Monica
Really! That long?! (Chandler slowly turns and looks at her.)
(To Chandler) Look all you want, it’s happening!

Rachel
No, so I don’t have to get married until I’m 33! That’s three years, that’s three whole years...Oh, wait a minute though. I’ll need a year and a half to plan the wedding, and I’d like to know the guy for a year, year and a half before we get engaged… Which means I need to meet the guy by the time I’m thirty.

I love 'Friends'! Andrew taped that episode so I'm going to watch it.

Here are some more from "While You Were Sleeping":

- Or have you ever, like, seen somebody and you knew that if only that person really knew you, they would... Well, they would, of course, dump the perfect model that they were with and, and realize that you were the one that they wanted to just grow old with. Have you ever fallen in love somebody you haven't even talked to?

- Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan.

- Well, we've, we've never actually spoken. But I know someday we will. I know it.

- I just know it. And I know that someday I will find a way to introduce myself.

- And and then that's gonna be perfect. Just like my prince.

Omitting The Truth Or A Lie?

I feel like I'm lying to April about Max. Our little club that we created where we support each other about our guyless lives seems like a lie (on my behalf). If she had some guy friend that she felt weird or confused about and didn't mention anything, I'd feel betrayed. Yet I'm doing the exact same thing.

I don't know why I'm so secretive about him. I shouldn't feel embarrased about him but I do. It's partly because of the way I met him (or to be more accurate - didn't meet him) and partly that he has no tertiary education and has a mind-numbing job. Am I being narrow-minded and superficial or realistic?

Something Different

Guess what I did on Saturday night?

I've talked with Max on the phone for over 2 hours!!!

And the weird thing was that he talked for most of the time. After the first time I talked with him on the phone, he was so quiet that I felt really awkward and didn't think it was possible to talk to him for that long. I'm glad I decided to try talking with him on the phone again.

I can only talk on the phone for so long to my close friends so it was amazing that we talked for that much without me even realising.

I’m now 99.99% sure that he’s not a psycho killer after what he was talking about. And he’s one of those people that can make not very funny stories funny and not everyone can do that. My attempt at that yesterday made me wish I didn’t start telling him my story. It just sounded completely irrelevant.

And he talks as fast as me. I had to be fully alert to understand what he was saying.

Anyway, the whole thing was weird on one hand but so normal on the other.

I wonder what will happen next…

New Hobby

I've got a new hobby - downloading free piano sheets from the net. It's actually not completely new. I used to do this a while ago.

When I have lots of work, one of my procrastination ways is to play piano. I used to hate practising when my Mum made me do those piano grades but now it has a calming effect.

When I was studying for my end of high school exams, I used to play piano all the time and now I'm getting back to that phase again.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World.

Someone, please make me do my assignment!!! It was due yesterday and although I've been doing it since Monday, it doesn't seem anywhere near finished. I haven't been staying up though. I've given myself more work than was needed and now I'm paying for it. I really wanted to get this done well so I could put it into my portfolio but I'm starting to rush it so all the extra work at the beginning is wasted. Argh!!!

Yesterday, Max messaged me again and it got me thinking. Max would make such a good match for Nadine 'cause they both irritate me but I can't help but like being around them. And they are both of the same intellect level, both are sensitive and emotional, both like to party, both are a bit naive, both are very kind. Yet, I know that they would never go out together. They've talked with each other and didn't think much of the other.

And then there are Nadine's boyfriends (well, the last 2). They are so much more suited to me than to her and yet they like her, while Max likes me.

The world is mad. It's illogical and makes no sense. Absolutely crazy.

Anyway, back to my assignment.

Work Pains. Strangers. Travel.

I've neglected my blog for a while. There were just too many assignments to do while talking to April (on MSN). I can't do everything at once!

Anyway, I've had work today. I'm so sick of retail! How can people stand working all their lives in a shop? I guess some have no choice but still!

As I've realised, it's your work mates that make your work either bearable or impossible to withstand. I like this job's much better than the bookstore one but some of the people I don't particularly like. I don't think they know the meaning of being friendly. Every time I say or ask them (a few girls) something, they either ignore me or give me looks as if I killed someone. Not everyone there is like that though. Some are very nice but they weren't working today. And Jeremy is such a pest. He tries to be funny but he is just so immature and says the stupidest things. He irritates me so much. He tries to boss me around 'cause he's been there for longer and I have to do what he asks 'cause the managers listen to him and I don't want him to gossip to them about me (since gossiping to him is like breathing to everyone else). Argh!!!

April is not having such a good time at her store either since all the middle aged women there are really condescending which I can totally imagine. Now she knows how I felt when I worked at the bookstore.

I really need a proper job!

Well, enough about jobs. At least you get money for working (even if it's not much).

In other news, Max messaged me today. Don't know how I should feel about that. It's like I get the same message from him every few months :

Hey stranger. How you been? I've been busy with work and all.

God, grammatical mistakes irritate me! He is a little irritation in itself. (No grammatical errors here!)

After exchanging a couple of messages, he hasn't replied again so I'm guessing I won't hear from him for another few months.

Hey, did I tell you that my Mum gave some guy my number a few weeks back? Well, he hasn't called. Surprise, surprise.

April and I have decided that we have some curse that prevents us from getting boyfriends. We have analysed our situation to bits over and over again and have come to the conclusion that we might not ever get boyfriends.

It's so nice to be able to talk to her about it. Andrew doesn't have to hear my complaints as much anymore.

Christine visited me yesterday at work. That was a pleasant surprise. Jeremy kept looking my way suspiciously, as if he never talks to anyone. All he does all day is chat and gossip.

I should stop turning this entry into one about work since I've had enough of it.

I'll change the subject to something more pleasant, such as going to USA next year with Lauren! Just thinking about it gets me so excited! I've always wanted to go to America since so much revolves around it. I just absolutely can't wait! Does anyone have any travelling tips that might be useful?