New Attitude Growing Strong Amidst Empty Hopes.

I love unexpected things, but only if they are good ones of course!

On Friday, my Mum was trying to be a TV show Mum by letting me know that I could tell her stuff about guys. I knew that already, but why would I want to?

Actually, it is nice to know that I could talk to her. It's just every time I do talk to her about my non-existent boyfriend situation, I just get all depressed.

It all started with me telling her my exciting USA trip plans and how after that I wanted to visit other places. But can I talk to Mum about the future without her turning it into my future family life? Of course not.

So she started saying how I shouldn't forget, to slot in between all my travels, to find a husband. I told her (as I usually do) that it's not something I can plan. And she said that it's exactly a plan, just because she found my Dad that way. I told her that there's no way that I'm asking acquaintances to introduce me to guys. That's just too embarrassing. So she had to use the example of her high school best friend who laughed at my Mum when she was asking people to introduce her to potential husbands and she ended up with an alcoholic and has a horrible life now.

I told her that it was just not that easy, especially for me, to find a guy that I would really like and she said that she doesn't mean to pressure me but it's just something I should think about because she doesn't want me to end up alone. I seriously felt like crying. As if I don't think about that almost 24/7 anyway! I'm freaking tired thinking about it.

So I decided that I don't care if I never get married and it's not so bad living alone. I'll still have my friends and work and hobbies. I will be able to do whatever I want, whenever I feel like it. It's actually a kind of a selfish lifestyle. Maybe I will adopt and help out a needy child to make my life less self-centred. Who knows. I managed to convince myself that it won't be so bad.

The next day, I went to work with my new attitude, not in my best mood but getting used to the idea. So instead of having a boring day where I can just get so involved in my routine that I wouldn't have to think about anything, a number of encounters had to happen to make it harder for me to see my future single life as enjoyable.

Encounter #1: During my break, another girl/lady/woman (whatever) was having her break at the same time. Somehow we got talking about going overseas and she said that she was going to POB (where I was born). That surprised me a bit because why would anyone want to go there, especially to the parts that she was going. So she told me how she grew up hanging out with people from POB. Where the hell did she find them? I'm from there and I don't hang around with POBian people simply because I don't know that many (apart from Nadine and a few others).

She then proceeded to tell me that there are a lot of POBians at work. No one I know. Her ex-boyfriend is one of them. She thought he was sitting behind us but then she said that he must've left so she started telling me what an idiot he was. But as soon as we were leaving, it turned out that he was sitting there so he must've heard us. Oops.

Anyway, she introduced us. I was so excited to be introduced to a POBian guy but he obviously wasn't so I didn't get a good first impression. Plus he looked too old for me anyway. But a thought came to my mind that she might introduce me to more POBian guys! I had to push that hope away because I know that hope only leads to disappointment.

Encounter #2: I was having a nice time chatting with my new work friends when an EXTREMELY hot guy customer asks me for help. Of course, I try not to act too differently to how I normally would just 'cause he's so good looking 'cause he didn't do anything to get his good genes. He asked me where all our expensive stuff was. After that, I thought, "Rich Snob". After I showed him stuff that's around $100, he told me it looked too tacky. Obviously the guy doesn't understand what really tacky things look like. I didn't hold it against him. I asked him what sort of thing was he looking for. He said that he needed to get a present for his Mum and he wanted to get something nice. "Rich Snob" label disappeared immediately and was replaced by "Mama's Boy". I showed some classy things which weren't too expensive and told him that he could just buy a lot of things and that would be expensive. That was my bad attempt at a joke but he laughed anyway. I then asked him what price range he was looking at. He said that it's not that he wants something specificly expensive, just something that 'looked' expensive. I could completely relate to his way of thought and removed all labels, apart from "Hot Guy" because I couldn't take that away from him.

He then asked me what my favourite thing was. I stupidly started babbling how I've been around all those things for so long that it all looked the same to me. Later, I thought that I should've just picked anything. Maybe he would've bought it for me. But that's just me getting carried away. He could've thought I had horrible taste.

Anyway, I gave him an idea that he could get her one of those personalised Christmas decorations and he said that he'd come tomorrow and get it ('cause the person that does them wasn't there at the time). Too bad I wasn't working on Sunday so I could see if he came or not.

I know he probably has a girlfriend or he's too old. (I can never tell whether a guy is 22 or 27.) Most importantly, I will never see him again.

Encounter #3: After work, I caught the train with some people from work, including Patrick. He probably doesn't have a tertiary education but he seems really nice and who am I to guess his education level. It was fun talking with him (and the others).

When I got home, I had to remind myself that those encounters are just false hopes and there's no point in wallowing in them, hoping that they are a glimpse of a more promising future.