Like Being Naked in a Dream

Scenario
You are invited to a safari themed party. You are told everyone will dress up in safari suits and jungle themed clothes. Even though you don't find the theme very flattering, you go along and wear something you're not too comfortable with.

Then you arrive to find everyone dressed up in formal wear.

(Typical Bridget Jones moment.)

Do you:
a) enjoy yourself anyway because a confident smile is your best asset
b) turn around and go home
c) feel extremely uncomfortable, get in a bad mood, and don't talk to anyone

I always imagined myself to do 'a'. It's not important what you wear, it's all about the confidence. However, no matter how logical my mind was, I wanted to do 'b' but then settled on 'c'.

Not only was I upset that I was denied the rare chance of getting dressed up but I felt like everyone was thinking how strangely I was dressed (probably all in my mind). In the end, they probably thought I was some anti-social recluse not joining in even one conversation.

Ended up leaving soon after the dessert. Felt horrible and guilty for being so ridiculous and ruining what could've been a fun night. And the worst was that it wasn't only my night that was affected. That's what made me feel even more terrible.

I wanted to snap out of my vain state but I just couldn't. I just wanted to be curled up in my bed and pretend the whole night was a bad dream.

I learnt that I wasn't as strong as I thought and didn't have the confidence and will-power to make the best of a less than desirable situation. Realising that made me feel even worse and just made me want to retrieve within myself even more.

Fortunately, I was understood and got sympathy, which I didn't really deserve. When someone tries to put the fault onto themselves and make you feel better by being just so damn understanding, it makes you feel even guiltier, but it also lifts the dark cloud you feel you're under and makes you feel more sane.

Just glad the whole thing is over.