The M Word

A couple has been going out for a while. The guy says, "We've been going out for a while, I think we should take the next step". The girl thinks, "Ohmygod, he's going to propose". The guy says, "Would you move in with me?"

Yes, asking to move in is the new step between dating and marriage. At least it seems to be nowadays.

Personally, I'm against it. You can blame that opinion on my mother who convinced me that such a thing was a bad bad idea.

In theory, moving in together before marriage seems like a great concept, right? I mean it's like a trial run for marriage.

Only not quite so. When you move in together, you still have your stuff divided (e.g. bank accounts) so you might have problems over dividing the bills. Then, if you have a big argument, it would be just so easy to separate, whereas if you are married you'd try harder to work things out. Because big arguments pass.

April is all for moving in first. She says it's better to get separated than get divorced. But moving in doesn't have the commitment of marriage. You don't need to try to work things out when it's much simpler to just move out.

Some people say that marriage is just a piece of paper. If if it's just a piece of paper, why can't you just get it, huh? I say - excuses of commitment phobics.

Another problem I have with moving in together is how do you move on to marriage from that? Let's say, you've worked out your problems and have settled in happily. What next? Guys are usually reluctant to propose, especially when they have all they need. No need to go that extra step.

In order for marriage to work, both parties have to go into it with a full plan for living together, and complete consideration of this important life decision. It should not be taken lightly. Both people have to be full committed to it.

I mean, of course the transition would be difficult. Merging lives isn't easy and is a huge change. Much better to go into it with a plan to stay, rather than "will see how it goes".

If you think you might not be able to live with your partner, why move in at all?

From my own experience, I already know that moving in with David will be extremely difficult for me. I mean I honestly don't know how I'd be able to sleep with someone who snores and doesn't see the importance of closing the toilet lid. (All I had to do was go on a holiday with him to find that out.) But am I willing to leave him because of that? Of course not!

When you love a person, and I mean really love them, you would be fine with putting up with many things because in the end, you just want to be with them.