Friday Five

You have just won one million dollars:

1. Who do you call first? My brother.

2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself? A trip to America.

3. What is the first thing you buy for someone else? A new car for my parents.

4. Do you give any away? If yes, to whom? My parents, my brother and charity.

5. Do you invest any? If so, how? Yes, buy property.

The Late Come-back Line

Yesterday I had another case of a good come-back line coming too late.

I was working in a department where I haven't worked before so there were lots of people I haven't met. I was quite enjoying helping rich people find their perfect $500 accessories and then dealing with unhappy customers not happy that their $500 accessories broke the day they put them on.

(Note: Brand names DO NOT equal good quality.)

I was also enjoying the company of two guys who were absolutely hilarious and entertaining. (Now, why aren't there any straight guys like that?)

Anyway, at one point a really tall (not gay) cute guy comes up to me and just looks at me with a weird smile on his face. I (being the naive me) thought he was going to introduce himself. However, he didn't say anything for a few seconds so I said, "Hi". And he just kept standing there looking at me. I was about to introduce myself if he wasn't going to say anything. Hey, maybe he was just shy, right?

No, very wrong. Before I could tell him who I was, he said, "You look nice." And some woman, out of nowhere said, "Don't believe him, he says it to every girl."

I, not being used to hearing things like that from guys, couldn't think of anything sharp to say back but just rolled my eyes or something equally boring. After he left, I couldn't stop coming up with better ways of reacting:

1. "Looks can be deceiving" (although this one seems a bit too flirty now.)
2. In a bored innocent voice "I know. That's because I am."
3. In a very irritated voice, "Well, I'm not as nice as I look."

There were also a number of variations and combinations of the above.

Actually, looking back with hindsight, the eye-rolling was probably the least embarrassing reaction with minimum consequences.

I guess the only reason I couldn't stop thinking of better ways of reacting because I never want to be the same as all the other girls he said it to. Not because I liked the guy since I don't like that over-confident type but because I can't stand the thought that I'm just like everyone else.

Cooking. Visit To Grandparents. Guys.

I decided to go to my grandparents' today so in the morning, I wanted to make some cookies (from a new recipe) to bring for them. I followed the instructions very carefully and do I get rewarded with delicious cookies? No. They were good enough to throw out. But I just couldn't do it. The thought of throwing out food (especially a lot of it) brings images of poor kids in Africa and also reminds me of the time and trouble it took me to make them. So I decided to get a little creative and make a new recipe with whatever I could still save. I mixed the pieces of cooked dough with pineapple and according to my brother they tasted quite good. So the ingredients didn't go to waste. Well, some of them anyway.

Grandparents were very glad to see me (not surprisingly). They are the only people who would love to hear me talk about myself for hours. They are also the only relatives who don't expect me to get married after I finish uni. However they mentioned some person's daughter who had a boyfriend (but they said it as part of the conversation, not forced it out of nowhere). It still made me a bit sad and feel as if everyone in the world has a boyfriend except me. And April.

The thought of turning 20 soon is only scary because I've never had a boyfriend. I need time to stop and wait until I get one. But then time will have to wait for a long time and it probably doesn't have a lot of time.

Ok, that was a weird sentence. But I'm not changing it.

I need to talk to April but she's not online.

I watched an Indonesian movie yesterday about a group of five close friends just because it had the same idea as April's and mine never-happening TV show. It was too sentimental though. Ours is more light-hearted.

Speaking of light-hearted shows, I watched a few of them in the last few days. One of them was Neighbours (which is still watchable after all those years). Home And Away is also watchable because of the good-looking actors. I also watched American Idol 3. I don't know if it's just me or if the American version seems to have a lot more stupid people who for the life of them don't realise that they can't sing. How can anyone be so unaware?

In other news Ben hasn't emailed although he was supposed to be back in mid-January. I think I can safely say that it's definitely past 'mid-January'. I wonder why he hasn't. Oh well, I should be used to things like that. I had a strong urge to ask Max if he got my email but thankfully, that urge has passed.

I was proved once again how stupid and immature the guys from my course are. Got an email from one of them about a get together that I won't be going to. Got another one from a guy who's overseas. He only talked about girls in short skirts. No respect whatsoever. I'm sick of guys like him.

Hey, I should probably do a guide thing with summaries of who's who. Don't really feel like it right now though. The email guys were Bill and Warren (respectively).

Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't mean you're not friendly!


What kind of dark person are you?
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How can you tell the difference between missing someone and missing the idea of him?

Laziness

Amelia called yesterday. I haven't spoken to her since New Year's because she's been so busy working almost every day. She told me that she has most of the days off this week. We were supposed to go watch "The Spanish Apartment" today but it's not showing anymore. Well, in cinemas that are within 1 hour radius. That's a bit annoying because I wanted to see the movie for weeks now. She said she wouldn't mind seeing "Love Actually" with me but I don't really feel like watching it that much anyway.

I'm being lazy 'cause I don't feel like going anywhere, unlike yesterday when I just wanted to get out of the house. In some ways, I'm actually starting to miss uni. Not the constant assignments but the idea that today anything can happen and I might meet someone interesting. Although I won't be meeting anyone interesting this year because I already know all the people that will be doing my subjects.

Can't get used to the idea that I'll probably (if my enrolement is fixed) finish uni this year. That's kinda scary. I'll have to find a proper job and no more almost 4 months holidays. I honestly don't know how I'll be able to live without that. I don't know how I managed high school with only 5 weeks.

I think the holidays are numbing my brain cells. For the life of me, I can't write anything remotely interesting in here.

Subliminals

Political:: rubbish
Concentration:: hard
Fish:: nemo
Lunacy:: crazy
Red:: flower
Imply:: hint
Recognize:: someone
Sexist:: man
Commercial:: funny
Stricken:: girl

Shoes, Shoes And More Shoes

What is it with people obsessing about shoes?! They are just there so you won't have to walk barefoot. And accessorising an outfit is just a bonus. I have 6 pairs of shoes that would go with every outfit in every weather:

1. casual sports shoes
2. closed black square toe platform shoes (to wear with pants)
3. closed black round toe platform shoes (to wear with skirts as well as pants)
4. casual open black shoes
5. black strappy platform shoes (to wear to nice places)
6. black platform shoes with a strap (to wear with skirts)

I wish I had a digital camera to post pictures of them but you'll just have to use your imagination.

My blog needs a serious makeover. I'm getting bored of it.

Does anyone check my message board?

Crazy Christine

Went yesterday to April's house. Christine and Claudia also came. I'm learning to not pay attention to Christine. You know what she said yesterday when I said that I wasn't very hungry at 9pm?! She said that she just thinks that I don't want to eat in front of them. WTF?!!! I have no idea where that even came from. She said she just couldn't believe that I have dinner before 7pm. She eats at 10/11pm if not later. Honestly, I give up on trying to understand her.

Must Stop. Must STOP!

I just had to dig at the past, didn't I? Couldn't leave it alone. I just couldn't help myself at all. I had to email Max.

I don't know why I always get stuck on the hope that some sort of nice relationship (whether boyfriend or good friend) will come out of it. Who am I kidding? Only myself, that's for sure.

I was just re-reading some messages that he sent me (yes, I was sad enough to save them) because I thought that he might've not liked me after we had that long conversation on the phone but he messaged a couple of days later to say he hoped to talk again soon. He wouldn't have bothered to say that if he didn't mean it. Especially that he also sent me a few more asking how I was. So what the hell made him change his mind?

I emailed and asked him. He hasn't replied. Either thinking of a good reason and a nice way of saying it or wishing I'd leave him alone.

The thing with him is that he over-analyses everything too much and then gets sick of doing that and just stops at whatever the last thing he thought of. So he could've twisted his feelings of wanting to meet up to not wanting to talk to me ever again without me doing anything. And then a lot later he might forget why he didn't want to meet up but not call or email thinking that it's probably better that way anyway. So me emailing him is just checking how he feels about it now.

When he said he didn't want to meet up, I was actually relieved. Not about meeting him but about knowing where we stood and that it wasn't leading anywhere and just stop pointless messages.

I don't know why I'm doing all this now. Well, actually I do. I just realised that I'm going to be 20 in 2 months and I've never had a proper relationship. Or any relationship for that matter. And he is the only person I can sort of hang any hope to.

I know people say it will happen. But it hasn't yet and I have no proof that it will.

April and I were talking about it again and since there's nothing horribly wrong with us, it actually seems quite against all odds that we don't have boyfriends.

Staff Stuffs Up

My uni is so unorganised, it's driving me insane!!! I didn't get enrolled into half of the subjects that I wanted. Now I have to go there and correct all their mistakes! Otherwise, I won't finish next year. Right now I'm enrolled as a part-time student. Their whole administration organisation is a complete joke! I've been having problems with them since last July when I had my operation. Why do they have to stuff everything up?! Argh, I feel like screaming. But I won't. They're not worth getting a sore throat over.

"Aren't You Going To Apologise?"

Christine called on Monday to see if I was mad at her. I don't want to describe the conversation because I get too angry thinking about it. She wanted ME to APOLOGISE to HER for assuming that she understood that I needed to go home after I told her about 5 times! Any normal person would understand so it was not an unreasonable assumption. She said I didn't make it sound urgent because I was very polite about it and didn't start whingeing and complaining. For God's sake, I'm not a five year old. I thought I made myself clear by repeating myself four or five times.

Anyway, I forgave her 'cause I hate being annoyed at people. I didn't apologise though because I didn't see what I did wrong.

Bachelor

I watched "Bachelor: The Women Tell All" and Leann (or whatever her name is) looks SO much like Katie Holmes. And I felt bad for Mary, the 35 year old. I can see myself in her. I can totally imagine being 35 and not married. However even then I wouldn't go on Bachelor. It's too demeaning.

Subliminals

Berry:: yummy
Fiendish:: Georgia
Bar:: pick-up
Frank:: blunt
Bend:: rope
Fanatic:: John Lennon's killer
Belch:: beer
Flagrant:: cruel
Burden:: not having a boyfriend
Flimsy:: skirt

Subliminals

Mitchell:: Margaret
Mercury:: planet
Cycle:: circle
Engagement:: I wish
Alternative:: music
Gang:: bad
Emotional:: sometimes
Skinny:: not fair
Hypochondriac:: April
Insecure:: someone

Getting Closer

On Wednesday, Lauren came over so we could plan our itinerary. It was such a nice change to hang out with someone outside my high school friends. Although, she would probably fit right in with the high school bunch. The only difference between them and her is that she is very laid back and easy going. She basically said that she doesn't care what we do in America as long as we go (and she gets to visit some music venues). Of course, I couldn't be happier that I get to go only to the places that I want. She thinks all those places are great and is perfectly happy with out finalised itinerary.

An (almost) finalised itinerary makes our trip so solid and real. The only problem is that hotels don't allow to book so far in advance so we can't get definite accommodation prices. I'm so excited about the whole trip, I can hardly wait! I wanted to go to America since I was about 13!

Yesterday, I worked in another department. I liked that one more than I like the one where I usually work. Don't know why but I do.

My Mum was asking me again what my plan was on getting a boyfriend. I told her I didn't care if I ever got one because at the time I was too frustrated at my inability to find a guy that I just couldn't care less.

Now, of course, I care because the thought of never getting a boyfriend in my whole entire life is too depressing.

You came from the sky. Your a daydreamer and prefer
to have a good look on situations.


Where did you come from?
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Babie's laughter: Warm, kind and loving; a baby's
laugh represents you. You are very innocent and
enjoy the simple things in life. You are
probably very good with children and have a
positive, happy soul. (please rate my quiz)


What Sound Are You?(now w/ pics)
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Reincarnation: You are nice enough to go to heaven,
but Earth won't be as fun without you. So you
shall come back as someone or something else.
As a real optimist and lighthearted person, you
always see the good in things. People probably
respect you for your wonderful personality and
love for life. People like you make the world a
happier place (please rate my quiz)


**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
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You are guided by water. You are generally calm and
peaceful, but you can be very destructive
without even realizing it.(Rate my test)


What force is your soul?
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Irritability Irritates

I'm the most irritable person I know so it doesn't help when people do the most annoying things that I can't do anything about.

Irritable event #1: Last week April, Claudia and I organised to go into the city on Saturday and then maybe to some club. I messaged Christine to ask her if she wanted to come. She, of course, didn't reply straight away but only called on Friday to say that she wouldn't be coming and that Claudia didn't want to go either. Uhm, hello, Claudia already told us that she did. So I had to ask Claudia if she still wanted to come to which she said that she just didn't want to go to the club afterwards, but she didn't mind just going out to listen to some music. So why did Christine have to make such a big deal about Claudia not wanting to go?

Irritable event #2: On Saturday, when we went to the City, April and Claudia were refusing to have a good time. All they wanted was to just sit and do nothing, while everyone else was dancing and enjoying themselves. I felt like it was all my fault for ruining their night, as if I made them come. I so wanted to dance but I wasn't going to by myself. I couldn't help but sulk.

Irritable event #3: On Saturday we planned on seeing the Spanish Apartment on Monday. However on Monday, I get called when I was already at the train station to tell me that we were meeting at another place. I just assumed that we were going to watch it somewhere else. Little did I know that Christine changed our plans because she wanted to eat in a really expensive suburb and then go shopping. If I knew that, I wouldn't have went. So after lunch, we ended up following Christine to every shop, missing the movie. I was already mad at her for changing our plans like that. After shopping, we decided to go home but when we dropped off Claudia, Christine had the urge to go to her house to get a drink. Once we got inside there, we didn't leave for hours because she didn't want to!!! I would've left myself if there was any public transport but Claudia lives far away from that so I could only depend on Christine's car. During those hours, I told her a number of times that I had to wake up at 5 the next day to go to work. All those times she absolutely ignored. I was so mad at her by then that I didn't even say a thing for the next hour because I knew if I opened my mouth, I'd yell at her for being so selfish. From now on, I'm never going out with Christine again.

Irritable event #4: There are so many guys at work and I still can't get a boyfriend.

The Sales Disease

I went shopping yesterday night with my Mum for my brother's birthday present. He's turning 17 tomorrow. After we got him some stuff, I started to have the same irrational reaction to sales that everyone else is having - wanting to buy stuff that I never would want if they weren't on sale. Unlike the general public, I didn't succumb to temptation, even under my Mum's pressure.

Although, now I'm thinking that I really want that skirt for $11. Even though I very rarely wear the skirts that I do have. My problem is that I don't like wearing things that make me stand out, even if I look really good in them. As in the case of that skirt.

I do this really pathetic thing of not wearing clothes I look good in to not get unwanted attention. Usually people do the opposite.

Quitting Workmates. Guilt. Dawson's Creek. Beauty.

I'm so annoyed almost all the people from work who I'm friends with are quitting. Without people to talk to and make fun of the trivialities of working in retail, work sucks. My current job is the best one I've ever had, all because of the people I worked with and they all had to go and ruin everything by quitting. I feel like sulking like a five year old. Which is what I'm doing now anyway.

I'll be going to my grandparents' place in a hour because I feel guilty that I haven't seen them for a while. When I called my Grandma to let her know, she sounded so happy, it made me sad. I wish my grandparents didn't rely on us (Mum, Dad, Andy and me) to make them really happy.

I watched Dawson's Creek yesterday. The only thing I liked was how Dawson was trying to make a film about his and Joey's relationship, just like the real creator of the show made the whole thing based on his childhood. Also, it's just not fair how beautiful Katie Holmes is. I think if you look like that, you can get away with anything.

I had this theory about looks. I think people who are perceived as 'beautiful' are the ones that look less threatening and have the most exaggerated friendly face expressions. Sort of how people think that dolphins look friendly because they seem as if they're smiling, even though that's just they way they are. So that's why people like big eyes and friendly smiles because they are associated with non-threatening behaviour. So what people think is beautiful is all based on animal instinct.

America Time

It's so weird, Nadine left today to go to America. Next year, this time, I will already be back from the states. I feel almost as excited as if it was me that went there today. She's not coming back for almost 3 months. That's a pretty long time although I'm sure for her it will go very fast.
Actually time is going pretty fast for me too. I'm going to be 20 in 2 months. I'm not totally depressed about it. Yet, anyway. No more being a teenager. Not that I ever was a proper one anyway. I didn't experience all the proper teenage things such as a first boyfriend, first kiss, first love etc. Ok, I will not dwell on it.

I will think about going to America at the end of the year and all the exciting adventures that would bring!

Superpower

If you could have any one superpower, which one would it be?

(You can answer on the message board if you'd like.)

Book Quotes

"I ask you: is dullness a gift? intelligence a curse?"
- The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides
(A question I've asked myself many times.)

"I say yes, since it's the only appropriate way of saying no that I can think of at the moment."
- Bachelor Kisses by Nick Earls
(Rings true many times.)

Will And Other Taste Changes

I haven't really felt like buying a CD (rather than downloading it) since Matchbox 20.

I'm in love with Will Young's songs. Well, half of the album anyway. Some songs sound like Westlife (who I grew out of when I was about 15) and were probably just put on the album to attract the general teeny-bopper public. The other half is jazzy, soulful and just mesmerising. I feel like I'm under a hypnotic spell when I listen to his voice singing them.

I was never a fan of that soft and slow type of music but I guess I'm growing up and my taste is maturing. Sort of like my taste in food changed to not only tolerating healthy stuff but actually enjoying them too.

Memorable Quotes

"It takes effort to be an individual" - Jen

"Money makes money and the money you make with it makes more money" - Alyson

New Year With Two Sisters

Yesterday, some family friends came over. One of them was Jen (16) and her sister Alyson (19). Their parents are relatively new friends of my parents so I only met Alyson once (two years ago, I think) and Jen twice. She came over with her parents a while ago.

I never particularly liked Alyson. She's like a caricature. All evening she was looking at her reflection in the TV and playing with her hair and saying how we should go to a theme park because she already knows what she's going to wear. But she won't go on water rides because she's going to wear jeans (and no she doesn't have any shorts or casual pants that are not denim) and her make-up will be ruined. And don't forget her hair. I couldn't believe she was not joking. Then she kept bitching about one of her high school friends. I had to ask her why she was friends with a person she couldn't stand and she said, "Don't get me wrong, I love her to death. I just can't stand to see her more than twice a year". That's just the type of person that she is.

Jen, her sister is completely down-to earth. She is totally the type of person I'd be friends with. Very friendly and with a sense of humour. The first hour, Alyson didn't even say a word while I was chatting with Jen. I guess she was too busy practising different ways of batting her eyelashes and planning her hairstyle for the next outing. After that, she started to join in. My brother was there too. I actually had a really good time, chatting with everyone. Alyson suggested for all of us to go out somewhere and bring some friends. I just thought how wierd would it be to combine my friends with my brother's. We never go out together. It's weird but I think of Jen who's younger than my brother as more my age than my brother and his friends. Probably cause she's a girl and because I haven't really changed since I was 16.

Although Jen and Alyson are so different, you can tell they get on really well. Alyson told me that she got Jen a present that said, "Sisters by chance. Friends by choice". I thought that was THE SWEETEST thing!

World Idol: And the Winner Is...

I taped the live World Idol show and just finished watching it. The whole voting thing was just like Eurovision but I didn't agree with lots of people's choices. Yes, I think Kurt deserved to win but the others were just not in the order that I would've liked them to be in. But then again, I didn't vote.

I was a bit disappointed that Guy wasn't one of people's favourites but that's because I start feeling patriotic, not because I'm a big fan of Guy, even though I tried to like him. I really did. I thought the guy from Canada had a nice voice but he sang a bad song and also we have to understand that the majority of people who vote don't exactly have a musical education and just vote on whoever they enjoyed watching, rather than who has a good voice. That's fine, I guess, because there are lots of singers who sell records not because they are extremely talented but because they have something that people are attracted to, either their image, the way they act or the type of songs they sing.

I made my Dad watch the tape of World Idol so I can hear his opinion because he understands music and because he has very specific taste (that I don't necessarily agree with but respect anyway). Without knowing that World Idol is a competition for people who were not professional singers before the national shows, he straight away said that he could tell that they were amateurs. He liked Kelly the best, but not by much.