Encounter

On Monday, I missed my usual train and ran into Amy (from school). She seemed excited to see me. I pretended to be excited to see her. She said that she hasn't seen me in a year and a half. Didn't seem that long to me.

She works and studies full time now so she's very busy. She also told me that a girl who was the first to get married from my year is now pregnant and another already has a kid (and is married too). I can't believe that there are already 2 girls who are married (the second one is the quietest girl and she ALREADY has a kid)!

It's wierd.

She also told me that she doesn't keep in touch with anyone from school except one girl who is doing the same course as her. That made me feel really sorry for her. I can't imagine what my life would be like without my high school friends, especially April and Amelia and Claudia. They are my biggest support network. Just thinking about not talking to them makes me really sad.

I sort of see her differently now. Before I just didn't want anything to do with her 'cause to me she was just someone who always put me in a bad mood to make herself feel better but now I see her as a real person who needs close friends just like I do and everyone else.

Headache Ruins My Favourite Day

Didn't go to uni today 'cause I woke up with a massive headache that didn't go away by the time I had to leave the house. Of course this just had to happen on my favourite day of the week. Seriously, Murphy's Law was created for my life.

Tuesday is my favourite day because I only have 2 hours of the easiest subject and because I get to talk to Daniel, since we're always the first 2 in class.

Did I not mention Daniel? He's the guy in my POBian class. Not the younger one who I mentioned before but the other one who I haven't mentioned before.

Daniel is an international student from Europe. He is fidgety but outspoken, clever but not driven. That's the only way I can think of describing him. Oh, and he's older than me. And being the ageist (April's word for my age prejudices) that I am, that's important to me.

Anyway, last week (and the week before) we had a really nice (and long) conversation about non-uni related stuff which is definitely an improvenment. He's like a perfect guy to have as a friend - easy to talk to and totally not my type. Hopefully we can become better friends by the end of the semester but somehow I doubt that will be happening.

The Diet

From today I have to be on this horrible diet to test whether I have natural food chemical intolerance because it's very likely that when I was sick with gallstones, my natural food chemical tolerance level took a dive.

So basically, my diet for the next four weeks will consist of potatoes, cabbage, bread, water, pears (no more than 2 a day) and freshly cooked meat (i.e. I can't have leftovers and I live on leftovers because no one can be bothered to cook every single day).

And if it will turn out that I am intolerant to natural food chemicals, I may need to be on this diet for another few years until my tolerance level will go up again. This sucks. I'm not old enough to have health problems. My Dad thinks that almost everyone (no matter what age) has some sort of health problems. Is that true for you?

Max Returns (To My Thoughts).

I miss Max. I miss getting emails and messages from him. I miss talking on the phone with him (not that I did that very often). I miss knowing that there’s a guy in the world that thinks about me and cares about what happens to me. I miss knowing that something really great might happen between us soon.

Or maybe I just miss the idea of all that, not Max.

Nadine's Trip

Finally got to talk to Nadine on Tuesday night. For several hours. Just listening to her stories about the trip got me so excited. I absolutely cannot wait!!!

Retail Therapy?

I never understood retail therapy. I find that spending money when I'm feeling depressed makes me more depressed because not only do I end up still feeling bad but I also have less money as a result.

What I do understand is library therapy. Bringing home free books can feel like I've got presents with no guilt attached (as with bought things).

Turning Twenty

I'm getting really depressed about turning 20 next week. It's not that I think it's old, it's... well, I do think it's old. Not old for someone else but old for me. I don't feel 20. I haven't done all the things I want to do before I turn 20. Well, actually it's one thing and if you've read my blog before you'd know exactly what that one thing is.

For those who haven't, it's having a relationship. I never thought I would turn 20 and never have a boyfriend. How could I not be depressed?

April turned 20 today. I called her to wish her a happy birthday but it wasn't very happy for her. She was sick all day and had to go to the doctor. That girl gets sick too often and always at the worst times. It's as if turning 20 is not depressing enough as it is.

I feel like I'm missing out on the best years of my life. I think I will probably be grumpy till my birthday and after that I will probably be even worse.

My life is over.

Bad Luck Forever

I'm cursed. Really, I am. I have proof:

Claudia and I decided to go to a dancing class (one that I found that finally could fit into my uni and work schedule). I was supposed to meet her today at 6pm which meant that after finishing uni at 5pm, I would wait for an hour.

But uni finished at 1pm which meant I had enough time to go to my grandparents' house (which is closer to uni than mine). So, I waited there excitedly because finally I was going to a dancing class after all the problems I've encountered in trying not only to find one but to find one that wasn't at the same time as uni or work.

So everything is going great until the train decides to stop. Not for a few seconds, or even a few minutes but for 30 freaking minutes!!! With no amount of effort could I establish a telepathic connection with the train willing it to move just A. Few. More. Metres.

Very conveniently, I was stuck in the tunnel which prevented me from calling Claudia to let her know that I did not forget about our well-organised and eagerly awaited meeting.

When the train arrived at the station, I almost jumped out and started running towards the place. I got there 20 minutes late and no Claudia in sight. I quickly dialled her number. Well, she decided that I wasn't coming and left. And it didn't sound like she tried to call either. I cannot believe that she thought I just wouldn't turn up. Although I'm just assuming the last bit 'cause I didn't get to talk too long with her over the phone.

So since I already missed almost half of the lesson and Claudia wasn't even there, I went back to the train station. I thought I was going to cry. Fortunately I didn't.

Do you not believe that something is keeping me from going to dancing lessons?!

'Once is an accident.'
'Twice is a coincidence.'
'Three times is a pattern.'

And this was about the 10th time.

I was really trying to find the funny side to all this but I just couldn't.

And did I mention that I missed a really good party where I had a very good chance of meeting nice guys because I didn't want to cancel on Claudia's and my plans?

Can't Wait

Nadine should be back today from America. I'm strangely (or maybe not so strangely) really looking forward to it. Can't wait to speak to her. Not exactly sure what time she's coming so I'll call her tomorrow.

Was talking to Lauren about our trip and it's getting closer and closer. As soon as I'll get all the details of Nadine's trip, we will check the lowest prices on the net and will go to the travel agent asking for even lower prices. Can't wait till November. Thinking about it is so exciting!

New Challenge

I got another tutoring job last week. When I got to the boy's house, I had a strong urge to never come back again.

It was something like you might see on Current Affairs - rundown, barely any light coming from windows that I couldn't even see, numerous kids of different nationalities, different pets running around, dirt everywhere (I couldn't even lean on the table because of hair and fresh stains). It was filthy.

The actual student, I'm sure, was on drugs. His eyes wouldn't focus and he kept slurring and had involuntary movements. Amazingly though he was quite bright and did some questions extremely quickly.

After I finished, the mother (who was wearing sunglasses when it was dark inside anyway) told me that she was so happy that I could come because I was their 6th tutor. Some decided they couldn't make it at the last minute, and others had other excuses. So, basically, I'm going back there next week. What can I say, I need the money and something in me wants to help the boy become something more than the road he is headed towards.

The Fun Times

I was just reading my dead message board and it made me remember how fun it was when people posted stuff.

Too Many Younger Guys

Any bit of hope that I had of meeting a guy that I might have any chance of going out is gone.

Today in class, there was a guy who seemed great in every aspect but one - he's 2 years younger than me. And yesterday there was an ok guy (with whom I've had a good conversation) but he was 1 year younger.

Ok, here's a question for you (if you're female): Would you rather go out with a guy who's 4 years older who you've met on the internet and who has no tertiary education and is a security guard OR a guy who's 2 years younger who you've met at uni and is studying law?

Dancing

Is it possible to be suffering withdrawal symptoms from something I haven't really done much?

Because I feel like it's happening to me about dancing. All I want to do is go to some dancing lessons. I'm going to call about some I found in the local paper tomorrow morning. The ad said that it's for adults. I just hope that it's for beginners and not professionals.

Seriously, my mind is only filled with dancing. But I guess it's a nice change from only having my non-existent boyfriend on my mind.

I also saw an ad for extras. I checked out their website and it said that if they take you, you have to pay $190 for a photo that they can show to potential clients. I'm not paying that much money if I don't have a guarantee that I'll get work. And another thing I don't really like is how they show your details on the web (all your measurements, your photo, your name and your age. I don't particularly want to have that information publicised about me on the net. I thought those type of agencies only let potential clients see that kind of stuff, not the the whole public.

Uni Frustration

This year is definitely not my year. I'm having so many problems with my timetable. Two subjects clash which means I have to always miss one hour of one subject (since there is no way I can catch up on the other even if I only miss one week). And since I have to get to both subjects, I will have no break for 7 hours and will have to leave one early and come late to the other one. It's so messed up. And what makes it worse is that I had to go to a lot of trouble to get into one of those subjects.

After I've accepted this problem, I've encountered another one. I just checked all the dancing classes at uni and they're ALL at the times when I have classes. I was really looking forward to joining one of them. ARGH!!!! This is so frustrating!!!

The Answer; Thoughtful Friends; And The Beauty Pageant

Went out yesterday to celebrate Christine's birthday. I was glad that she picked a place close to where I (and she) live, rather than somewhere in the City as usual.

While we were walking to the actual place, April and I had an interesting conversation.

April: The answer to your question is one.
me (innocently, although I realised what she meant): What question? I didn't ask anything.
April: You know exactly what question. You were thinking it.
me: I swear I wasn't thinking it [honestly]! How can you assume that's what I was thinking?
April: Because that's all you've been thinking about lately!
me: Well, I wasn't thinking it just then although I'm thinking about it now.
April: Well, it's one. I asked.
me: I didn't expect any and even if there were, I wasn't expecting any good ones, judging from last year. And anyway, if you assumed that's what I was thinking, that means you were thinking about it too! And you say you don't care anymore!
April: And I don't. I thought you would want to know.
me (seeing the guy): Is that him?
April: It has to be.
me: Well, my expectations were correct.

Georgia came too. I can't believe she tried to talk to me. If she thinks it's that easy to pretend what she did never happened, she's very wrong. I wasn't rude to her or anything because I'm above that. But I'm not going to be nice to her either. If she apologises, I will think about being nice to her but I know that's never going to happen.

Amelia and Claudia found a bookstore that was looking for casuals. They talked to the manager to see how nice she was and approved. That was so very sweet of them! Unfortunately it's not very easy for me to get there so I won't be applying.

Amelia also had some interesting news - she was asked to enter a beauty pageant! If I suggested to April for Amelia's character in our TV show to enter a Beauty Pageant, April would've said that was too cliche. Life can't get more cliche then. I can't wait to see her doing the whole thing. She was practising vacant stares all night. Except instead of blank stares, she was giving looks evil enough to give children nightmares. But it was hilarious. I hope she wins. And I reckon she's got a pretty good chance.

Yesterday, I had my longest conversation with Evan (Christine's boyfriend) ever. I think it was actually my first proper conversation with him. And she's been going out with him for four years! He's not as bad as we always thought he was. I think that if he wasn't 8 years older than Christine when they started going out (she was 16), I wouldn't have a problem with him. Or even if they started going out when they were both adults, the age difference wouldn't be so bad. I think they'll get married because it's very obvious that they really care about each other. You should've heard about how much trouble he went to get what she wanted for her birthday!

Anyway, it was a pretty good night which took my mind off my horrible uni timetable which I might tell you about later.

Fear Ruining My Life

You know what I always wanted to do? I always wanted to try acting. So why haven't I? I never had enough confidence. There were so many times when an ad for extras catched my eye and every time, I was too scared to apply. My lack of confidence drives me crazy.

I would love to be an actor if millions people didn't watch me. I like acting different characters but I hate people (that don't know me) watch me do it.

Another thing (that's more attainable) is to take dancing classes. The only good ones that I know of are the ones that are too far to get to every week. So I'm waiting for some at uni. Even though I really don't want to go by myself, I'll have to get over it. I can't depend on people to do everything with me all the time.

I watched "Strictly Dancing" on TV last week and it reminded how much I want to take dancing classes. So, this year I will be more independent and do things that I want to do even though none of my friends will come with me.

It's easy to write that but hopefully I'll be able to stick to it.