Paranoid Basket Case

I'm getting really paranoid about this blog lately because I've been writing stories that could easily identify me to people who know me. For example when I told the story about the psycho that was at the store to my uni friends, their every look and response made me suspicious of them knowing about this site. I'm sort of trying to ignore my paranoia for now but it better not get out of control. I already conjured up images of the worst case consequences that could happen if people (that I know) find out about this.

Anyway, I was just reading stories about people meeting online and although all the happy stories make it sound very romantic, the odd scary one makes me question the whole idea. For example, if I meet Max and we become friends, what am I supposed to tell my parents and friends about how I met him? I'm already thinking up of plausible lies of our meeting circumstances (and I haven't even met him yet).

The reason I don't want to tell them is because I don't want to be judged as desperate. I know if someone told me that they met someone off the net, I'd think they were desperate. The reason I'd probably think that is because it's the truth. Although I try to convince myself otherwise. On one hand I really do want to meet Max because I think he'd make a great friend. But on the other, I wish I'd meet some other guy who would make a great friend so there won't be any secrecy.

Although it's the secrecy of the whole thing that bothers me, it also makes the whole thing more exciting and I crave things that are not ordinary.

I don't think Max would be too happy about keeping the whole thing a secret. He'd think that I was embarrased by him. But it's not that I'm embarrassed by him as much as I'm embarrassed by the whole situation.

It feels so nice to be able to talk about this openly here because the only person that knows about me talking to Max again and thinking of meeting him is Andrew and he thinks it's a great idea. I can't take his advice so straight forwardly though because he's a bit naive about a lot of things. Since he's younger than me, I can never take anything he says very seriously because I don't know if he's saying it with mature thought or off-handed feelings.

I know I'm becoming a real basket case. Not that I wasn't enough of one before. But that's why you all like reading my blog, don't you? :-)