SHOCK!

I've just gotten the biggest shock! I think I may be hallucinating. The impossible just happened. Even getting a boyfriend would seem more realistic than this. Does anyone want to guess?

No?

I was just casually checking my mail and there was an email from... MAX!!!!!!!!! I have to remind myself to breathe just thinking about it. Just a while ago I was missing him and wanting and not wanting an email from him at the same time. I was so extremely grateful that he didn't write or anything because not having any contact with him made it much easier to get over the whole fiasco. The further away in time that he was, the less I cared and the easier it was to look forward without being distracted by the past. I don't particularly like looking back (although I do anyway) and the only way I could forget (or as close as possible to forgetting) about him is to not have any connection with him.

Here I was thinking that it was very strong of him to break all communication, and what does he do?!!! The email is so short but it brings back so much. I don't want to go back to the same thoughts and feelings that I had 3 years ago. They completely blocked me from reality. I don't want to live in that state of semi-consciosness again. And that's probably what will happen if I'll reply to his email. Or will it? I'm not a 16 year old school girl anymore and he might've grown up too. The curious part of me really wants to know what he's been up to but the practical part of me (that knows what's best for me) tells me to ignore the e-mail and pretend that he never sent it.

If only I had a boyfriend, my decision would've been so much easier. The only reason I want him is because there's no one else and he's not too bad. I just have a major issue with trusting him. Although I've talked to him for over 2 years, I can’t fully believe that he is what he says he is. I don’t know why exactly, but I can’t. And he can tell which is why he started to get really annoyed with me. His annoyance just made me trust him even less. At the end we just got so annoyed with each other that he decided to stop talking to me which was fine with me.

Do you think emailing him back is completely harmless or do you think I definitely shouldn’t do it? I’d really like to know what you think I should do and why since you can judge the situation objectively, unlike myself who can’t think straight when anything has to do with Max.

I know that you obviously don’t know the whole situation so you can ask me any questions that would affect your judgement about what I should do.