Too Much Free Time For My Mind

Too Much Free Time For My Mind

As I think I've mentioned, I wrote Max an email a while ago but didn't send it. Since then it's been edited more times than I'd like to count. I was waiting until the time I'd really want to send it. I thought today was that time. I opened my email account but then all of a sudden, I got this feeling in my stomach that I just couldn't do it. Didn't want to do it. He didn't deserve it. And neither did I. Why bring up stuff that is best left behind. This is like grasping for straws that are not even there.

As soon as I decided that today wasn't the day and closed my email account, the urge to send it came back again. What have I got to lose.

If I'm going to romanticise about my new notion of being a free spirit and doing whatever I want without thinking too much about the future, this won't hurt, right?

Or is this just sinking too desperately low?

I guess I'm putting off emailing him 'cause I want him to email me. Like last time.

If I don't send it to him, nothing will change, but if I do, at least I have a chance of maybe something interesting happening.

I still can't decide whether I should write him a short casual email or a longer one that's more honest about how I feel about the whole situation. What would get his attention? What would generate the best outcome?

Those are the questions that I can't make up my mind about.