The Residents of Old Life

Yesterday I visisted my grandparents.

They were telling me stories of people who lived in their building in POB. Some of them I've heard many times before but I never tire of hearing about POBian life before the 21st century.

The building my grandparents lived in was populated with artists. Musicians, actors, composers, painters, you name it. Before my grandma and grandpa got their apartment, they had to be interviewed to make sure they were the right calibre of people. My grandma said they had to show references from their managers. When they saw that both of my grandparents were engineers, they let them in.

I lived in that apartment until my brother was born and I visited many times after that. I still remember the pianist above us who would play late into the night, not letting me sleep. My grandparents said this pianist wasn't the only one who disturbed the quiet. In a different part of the building, there was a theatre actor who hosted parties after the plays, which would always run late into the night. People complained. The landlady was quite strict so usually people who didn't consider the comfort of others were dealt with.

I never liked this lady because she told off me and Ivan for building a cubby house in the bushes at the back of the house. She also told us off for annoying a group of girls who also played in front of the house. We never bothered those girls but they felt that we were using 'their space' (which was why we decided to move our play area to the bushes behind the house in the first place).

When my grandma said that there never was much trouble, my grandpa reminded her of the orgy that some girls had in their apartment with police evicting them and blood stains left on the walls.

I also remember when a very rich family moved in on the first floor. The girl was driven to school (5 minutes away) in a black limousine and guards never left her side. I saw the father from my grandparents' fifth floor kitchen window but don't remember the mother. I think the father was a diplomat.

These were just some of the people who coloured the landscape of that building's life in the late 80s. There was also a doctor who gave us check-ups when we were little and with whose kids we played, the ordinary piano teacher who introduced me to the conservatism of a music school, the old friendly high school Art teacher who got sick and died and a myriad of other people that will always be fragments in my memory.

Another Anniversary

Last Monday was David's and my 1 1/2 year anniversary. It might not be a big deal to people who've been together for years but it is a bit of a big deal for us.

I met him in the city after work. He was wearing a suit because he went to the parliament for some youth conference. He was very hyped up afterwards and his excitement was contagious. I was really happy he was being active in something that he was passionate about.

I met him in the legal area of the city and he could've easily passed for a lawyer finishing work. He said I looked like a uni student.

We had a nice dinner of Spanish/Latin American food. It was very yummy (and overpriced). We were acting out such a cliche date. We clinked glasses of sangria and held hands across the table, staring into each other's eyes.

I couldn't help but comment on the whole scenario. I said, "I guess we have to act like grown-ups at least sometimes".

He got me a present which was a bit embarrassing 'cause I didn't get him anything. He got me something I've always wanted but would never get for myself. As you might know, I'm a chocoholic and he got me a box of assorted gourmet dark chocolates. He told me that when he went into the store, the first question he was asked was "What's your budget?" He continued, "I thought, you gotta be kidding me, it's chocolate, not a car!"

Even though recently I've been going on about how much I love POBian chocolate, the one he got me was just as delicious. Dark ganache, praline...

He caught the train with me that day and I couldn't lean on his shoulder long enough 'cause we kept talking.

Don't know why but lately I felt like I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms as soon as David leaves. I don't know what to do with myself. I just waaaaaant him. Talking on the phone just makes it worse 'cause I can' t hang up. We talked for at least 2 hours last night. Then when I went to sleep, he called me again "to say good night" which lead to another conversation.

David has started to consider continuing working his new job (which he hasn't started yet) full-time and study part-time because he doesn't want to lose the opportunities that job can bring him. That gave me hope that maybe we can move our 'plans' to an earlier date. Wish he would just figure that out himself without me hinting.

I'll have to wait till he starts the job to see if it's worth changing his studies to part-time. If it's not going to provide him with enough relevant experience, it's not worth it.

Thinking about him working nights started my selfish thoughts to come to the surface. How we won't be able to do stuff during the day 'cause he'll be sleeping and how I'd want to sleep at night when he'd be fully awake.

Anyway, I'm sure everything will be fine.

I just miss him like crazy, especially that I haven't talked to him properly today since he was so tired he went to sleep at 9pm.

I can feel myself turning into a crazy person, addicted to a person and not being able to concentrate on anything else. And there's nothing I can do to stop this obsession.

High School Reunion

High school reunion was SO much fun! People I wanted to catch up with most didn't show up which was a bit disappoining but I enjoyed checking out everyone. Not like you can come up to someone you haven't seen in 5 years and ask them about their personal life but watching everyone was great too.

Some people looked the same, others just 5 years older. What surprised me most was how the girl who had a 2 year old child hasn't changed one bit since she was 18! She looked exactly the same. Gave me hope that having kids doesn't necessarily make you look older.

It was also interesting to see who brought partners. One girl surprised me and brought a girlfriend. When we saw them come in, we recognised the girl from our school but couldn't rembember who the other one was. She was wearing a tiny black dress and knee high black leather boots. Then we realised she was the partner of the girl from our school.

One weird girl asked me straight out how my love life was (while David and Mike were entertaining each other elsewhere) and it was so great to reply, "Oh, you haven't met my boyfriend, have you?" The shock in her eyes was very satisfying. I bet she only asked me because she expected me to say I didn't have anyone.

As soon as I went to introduce her to David and Mike, Mike blurted out, "So you are the famous one?" and I had to pretend I had no idea what he was talking about. Seriously men don't understand the concept of gossip. After she left, I told him that yes, that was the girl who studied law, was in the army and did pole dancing (great combination, I know).

Later, when I went back to talk to April and Claudia and we were discussing of ways to get the weird girl to talk about pole dancing (since we only knew from Amelia), Claudia said, "Look, she's picking up our boyfriends" and yes, that girl was chatting to David and Mike. When Claudia and April went to talk to someone else from our school, I went to talk to Mike, David and the weird girl.

As soon as I got there, the girl looked at me anxiously and asked, "How do they know I do pole dancing?" I couldn't believe the guys brought it up!!! I really didn't want to put Amelia in a bad position. After I managed to make the whole thing seem really casual, we talked about it.

After she left, I asked the guys why they had to ask her about that! And Mike was like, "Weren't we supposed to?" and David said, "We ran out of things to talk about". I don't think there's one manipulative backstabbing bone in either of those guys' bodies.

The reunion made me realise that the people I'm friends with I see anyway and I didn't have many friends I lost touch with. It was great to catch up with Allison though, and Beth (who was also quite surprised that Claudia and I had boyfriends for so long).

Mike asked me if I was quiet at school (probably 'cause people weren't running up to talk to me) and I was embarrassed to tell him that I was so I said I was like Claudia. He was really nice about it and told me that he didn't even go to his school reunion because one person he wanted to see didn't go. I was happy he kept me company while David was talking to another girl's boyfriend. Mike is the only guy whose personality I quite like but cannot even imagine being with. I never thought there'd ever be a guy who I could just be friends with.

I actually felt a little weird talking to David and Mike most of the time. In any other situation I would've been quite happy to be with the guys but that day it seemed kinda pathetic. I wonder if the other girls thought anything of it.

Afterwards, David, Mike, Claudia and I went for dinner. It was really great to go out with another couple (one I really like).

I don't know how David did it but he managed to get out more interesting gossip than me. He told me the boyfriends he talked with didn't see their relationships as very serious. He told me one guy was going overseas for a year and his girlfriend was staying here because he wanted to go and do his own thing.

I was a little upset when he told me that he jokingly said to another guy, "This place is full of girls and you can't do anything about it". I told him that when he said stuff like that it reflected badly on me, like I had a boyfriend who didn't really care about me.

Later he told me that there were so many girls but there was no one as hot as me. I couldn't believe he said it 'cause there were plenty of nice looking girls. When I gave him examples, he said, "Don't remember any of those. They weren't anything special". I knew he was probably just saying that but I couldn't help feel a little exhilirated because I wanted to believe that he really thought that way.

I was a bit sad that David couldn't catch the train back to my house with me 'cause it was late and a long journey. I closed my eyes and imagined David sitting next to me, with his arm around me and leaning on his shoulder.

The next day, I wished I could relive the reunion 'cause the feeling of seeing so many familiar faces which you haven't seen in years is undescribable.

Late Night Chatter

It's half past midnight and I don't want to sleep.

This is amazing as I usually start to get sleepy around 10pm and fall asleep as soon as my head touches the pillow.

Don't know what's so different about today.

My parents had a party so I went to David's house. We had a bit of an argument. I think he wishes I was more of an activist and cared about the state of the world, people and environment. And not only cared but tried to do something to improve it.

I had to explain to him that's just not in my personality. I'm too selfish. I only care about people I love and not strangers on the other side of the world. I don't believe I can make a change so I'm not motivated to do anything. I know I can make people around me happier so that's something I try to do. I doubt sending money to some child in poverty is going to make any difference. I don't trust charities and don't believe the money goes where it's supposed to.

He got quite upset and said that ignoring the 'problem' was being part of the 'problem'. I told him I didn't see any 'problem' and was quite happy and satisfied with things the way they were. He got agitated and said, "Are you happy that people are getting killed and we're wrecking the environment?!" I replied, "I don't see how I caused people to be killed" and he said, "You support governments who do that". That really angered me for obvious reasons. And then, he had the nerve to accuse me of 'accepting things the way they are and not questioning anything'. I mean, honestly! This coming from a guy who believes in God.

Anyway, same old argument again. Got resolved in the same old way. I'm sure it won't be the last time.

I noticed that David and I are in a new phase of our relationship. We no longer have the intense urge to talk to each other every second we're together. We're quite happy doing our own thing, as long as we're in the same vacinity.

For example, on Thursday night when David was here, I was chatting to April online while he was watching the news.

I guess this could be attributed to the fact that we've been seeing each other almost every day and don't feel like we have to make the most of every minute.

To be honest, before I used to be scared that we'd be the sort of couple who doesn't talk all the time they're together and who doesn't desperately need to spend every second with each other. I thought that meant that we don't find each other as fascinating as we once did and that the 'spark' was gone. But now I realise that I love what we have now. We've reached that sort of comfort level with each other where we don't need to speak all the time, we're happy to be silent, as long as the other one is near by.

We now accept each other a lot more. We know each other a lot better so there's no need to talk about ourselves as much. Before we used to talk non-stop about what our lives were like before we met. Now we know all that. We know when the other is upset or why without saying a word. I feel unconditionally loved so don't care about feeling grumpy or irritable in front of him. I know he won't leave me over it.

He puts up with me even when I'm not in the easiest mood. During those times he calls me his 'grumpy ant'. I asked him, "Why ant?" and he said, "'Cause you're small and a hard worker". I told him I didn't know whether to take it as an insult or a compliment.

He learnt how to say 'darling' in POBian and continually practices it. It's adorable. I asked him how to say 'darling' in Spanish and he said "Papi chulo". So I called him that for a while, every time 'causing him to burst into laughter. I said, "Is it my accent?" and he replied, "Yes, baby, it's the accent. You say it so cute".

Then I decided to look it up because I had my suspicions about what it meant. Google it and you'll see what I mean. That cheeky boy. Even though now I know it doesn't mean 'darling', I say it anyway just to make him laugh. It never fails.

I can't wait to see him tomorrow... I miss him like crazy already.

He really wanted me to stay over but I felt uncomfortable doing that 'cause that meant he had to sleep in his sister's room.

Can't wait till our weekend away (in 2 weeks)!

Went to the dance class today and there were only two other girls there so some other instructors joined in. I started feeling really uncomfortable because not only were they excellent dancers but they also looked hot. All fit and toned and tanned. Even though I'm pretty average, I felt huge and jiggly.

I told David about it later and he said, "Man, they're plain! They've got nothing to show. You're beautiful. Flat skinny girls are ugly. I hate that look. You're perfect. I love the way you look." Although that was kinda offensive to flat skinny girls, it made me feel better 'cause as you can probably tell, I'm not very secure with how I look. And I'm not built to be skinny. Although I could definitely tone up.

I came up with a resolution for next year on my way back to the train station. I need to smile more. All the dancers were beaming the whole time while my face was neutral. I don't think smiling comes naturally to me. I feel fake always smiling. I wish I was a smiley person, you know the type. They always got a smile glued to their face, making them appear very inviting and friendly and warm.

People probably think I'm not happy 'cause I don't smile for no reason.

Well, now I'm getting sleepy. Good night!

The Aura

Some people have an aura. You know, the type of people you glance back at and wonder what their life is like.

One person with an aura is my neighbour. Not the guy I mentioned many posts ago who I had a crush on, but his younger sister (my brother's age).

As I was driving up the driveway, she was standing in front of her house, probably waiting for someone to pick her up. She was wearing some short flowery pattern dress that tied around her neck. She had a great natural tan and sun-coloured sandy brown hair. If it wasn't her natural summer look, it must've been her pose that drew me in. She was kind of rolling from one foot to the other in a child-like sort of way and craning her neck to the side, looking into the distance.

My mind wandered...

She was waiting for her boyfriend. It was probably another one of her guy friends that declared his feelings for her. She kinda liked him 'cause he was cute and a little hot, in a surfie sort of way.

They were going to a friend's party. It was going to be loud with a large crowd. She knew most of them. Everyone would come to talk to her because everyone loved her. She was the popular girl.

There'd be some girlfriend of hers with a broken heart who'd confide to her in the bathroom. Of course she'd make her feel better, probably bitch about the guy who broke her friend's heart and then gossip about someone else. They'd hug and go back to the party.

She'd dance. And get a little drunk. She'd be loud and laugh a lot. She'd make out with her boyfriend in the corner.

Next day, she'd be at her house. Her older sister and her brother with his wife would come for dinner. She'd talk with her Mum while making salad.

They'd sit outside and have a cosy family dinner.

Her life would be perfect.

Now that I can snap out of someone else's imaginary life, I will go back to my own quite happy (if not as socially busy) life.

Not Our Song

David asked me, "What's out song?" and I had to tell him I didn't know. There's no one single song that's 'us'. There are many which remind me of David but nothing that describes us perfectly or have a special meaning to us.

If we had 'our song', it would make you want to dance, to laugh, to cry. It would be about friendship, surprises, lust, eternity. It would be upbeat but have a subtle deep meaning. It would be about natural love, no tackiness. It would have a Latin rhythm, POBian soul and a universal heart.

Lily and Marshall

Did I say just how much I love How I Met Your Mother?

And did I say how much David loves it too? We both watch it with great enjoyment.

A while ago I asked my brother (who also likes it) who his favourite character was and he immediately replied, "Ted," because he could relate to the nice sweet guy who wanted to meet 'the one'. A little later I asked April (who also watches the show) the same question. She replied, "Ted" for the reason of wanting to find 'the one'.

Personally I liked Marshall because he reminded me of David, the really intelligent guy who's a kid at heart.

Last night I asked David who his favourite character was and he said, "Lily because she reminds me of you".

I think we're becoming more perfect for each other with every second.

The Case of the 'Right' Bra

Shopping for bras is not my favourite activity. Especially when I need those every day ones, not the cute pretty ones ('cause shopping for those is a lot more fun).

The reason for my distaste for such activity is that I find it nearly impossible to find ones that are comfortable and 'effective' (girls, you know what I mean). It's almost the same as trying to find a pair of great jeans.

A couple of years ago, I've stumbled on what can only be said as singly the best bra ever (for me). And for $10!!! I think it might've been even a bit less. I cannot even describe my satisfaction at how perfectly it fitted me and how great it looked under clothes, while looking good without them too. Anyway, don't want to go into the details of that.

Being the wise 18/19 year old (however old I was at that point), I've brought four (all they had in the store at the time), having read in some column how quickly the styles of bras changed, making it impossible to get your hands on a new version of the style you've grown to love.

Now, after about 3 years, I'm almost up to my last new bra of that style and I'm getting a little anxious as I found out after emailing the maker (yes, that's how desperate I got) that the style has been out of stores for a couple of years now and was suggested to look for other styles to suit my taste! A man wrote that. He obviously doesn't understand the pain of trying to find a perfect bra.

I've started looking in stores for other ones but nothing even comes close to the one I already have. Sure, there are some 'ok' ones but I don't want them. I just don't like them.

Times like these I wish I was a guy. Or with magical breasts that fitted perfectly into every bra.

At the Dance Class

My Saturday morning dance class is dimishing with every lesson. Only 5 people (including me) came today.

I tried to be friendly and asked, "How's it going?" to a woman (a little older than me) and she immediately replied, "Had a date last night!" I was surprised that she said that 'cause I would be scared of sounding like someone who never goes out on any to point it out like that.

I asked her where which lead to her telling me she lived only a suburb away from me. When we were talking I mentioned that I used to go to Salsa lessons last year but not anymore, even though I'd like to do it and she said, "Oh, come with me!" I just smiled.

Do you think it would've sounded weird if I said, "I don't want to without my boyfriend"?

The instructor (a gorgeous smiley girl) was telling us about her social life and how she was performing in a show tonight. I felt some envy. I wanted to be that gorgeous, dance that well and perform in a show. I noticed she had a face that even though was nothing spectacular in its features, looked really good put together. Maybe her dancer's personality shined through which gave her that happy glowing look.

Oh Gosh, listen to me. I'm like some jealous bitter woman. I guess I just like imagining what it'd be like to have a really exciting life.

Useless Shoes Dilemma

Today at lunch, at the shopping centre, I was internally debating the merits of having green shoes.

Recently something hit me that made me want to buy yellow shoes to match a yellow top (something I don't have). I imagined myself in this bright summery look for a couple of weeks now.

Then today, at Sportsgirl, I saw really nice bright green shoes. I thought to myself that green might also look well with jeans and a green top (something I do have).

The problem with highly saturated coloured shoes is that you have to wear something of the exact same shade of colour. I mean, bright green shoes will not look good with a pale green top.

I only have one bright green top that would go with those shoes so it seems like a waste of money to buy shoes which I could only wear with one top.

As I was standing there, I thought what I'm sure lots of other people think when they want to buy something that's not really necessary, "Do I really need them?" Of course I don't. But, "Will I regret not buying them?" and enjoying this stage of my life when I can be a victim of fashion and not look ridiculous? I mean, will I regret not enjoying fashion as a young woman, when I turn 40?

Those questions were followed by "Do I want to spend almost $100 on shoes I probably won't be able to wear in a few months when they go out of fashion?", "I'm sure I can find something that I could wear for longer for that much money".

I left the shopping centre without those shoes, but now I'm thinking, "Would the same style in red be better to buy?"

The Start of David's Career

David got the job, David got the job! Yippee!

He called my mobile while I was driving to work. I thought he was going to say that he got asked to work today and couldn't come over tonight but when I called him back, he told me the great news.

I'm so excited! And so is he.

He's actually going to get career-related experience.

One little problem: he has to work at night (like 11pm-7am). Of course we both knew it and even though there's no way I would ever be able to do that, David feels confident that he can handle it. He said he'll work at night, sleep in the morning and see me in the afternoon.

I just hope he doesn't wear himself out.

Anyway, it's not forever so hopefully he'll be ok. He's young and strong.

Fingers crossed he won't have to work on New Year's Eve (which is a high possibility). If he does, I'm already thinking how I can come to his work. I have this vision of me turning up with... something sparkly in my hand and saying "Happy New Year!". Of course he'd get all excited that I was there and it'd be a night we'd always look back on.

Tonight we went to his step-sister's daughter's house to wish her youngest daughter a happy birthday. David got the perfect present. He told me that the 3 year old girl told him she liked Dora so he got her a Dora bath toy (the rubber one that floats). She even had flippers and her little companion.

Now I'm home, without him. But the good thing is that he's coming over tomorrow after work so I don't have to wait too long.

Between the Lines

David finished his exams today. I don't know who's happier, him or me.

We can again see each other as often as we like. Which is pretty much all the time.

Went to his house straight after work today. Got there just as he was coming back from picking up his Mum. After saying hello, his Mum asked, "Where's the kiss?" I didn't understand what she was talking about. David was just saying, "Muuum!" Then she repeated more clearly, "Why didn't you give each other a kiss? David, give Sky a kiss!"

How embarrassing! I guess I should understand why David has no issues with displays of public affection. Although that obviously doesn't include his parents.

I wonder if his Mum thinks we are not very affectionate. But just 'cause you don't see something, doesn't mean it never happens.

Later we were chatting and David was telling me about giving advice to some guy at uni. This guy liked a girl who wasn't really into him and was quite upset about it. David told him, "You have to move on. There are plenty of other chicks". Also, since this guy wasn't very good looking, David added, "Girls don't really pay attention to how you look. What they want is someone confident and funny. You got the funny thing going but I look at you and the confidence isn't showing".

I told David I was impressed with his advice because from my own perspective, he understands exactly what girls want. Well, what I want. I told him that I agreed that looks aren't that important, it's more about how the guy makes her feel.

Then I said, "If you seem to know what girls want, tell me what guys want". He replied, "That's more difficult because some guys just want a root, some want a casual relationship. I want a serious one."

I said, "Ok then, what advice would you have given me when I was single?"

He answered, "You hung out with the wrong people. April is too depressing and she never wants to go anywhere. Amelia is outgoing but she scares guys off. She never gives them a chance because she thinks they all want one thing. Your uni friends just hang out with each other. You needed to meet different people. I think you were always at the wrong place at the wrong time."
Then I said, "Except the one when it really mattered".

We wondered where we would have been had we not met each other.

After dinner, we went to see Little Miss Sunshine. Very nice film.

We agreed to meet tomorrow. Can't wait!

(It's weird, as I was writing this post, I tried to give it a sense of what happened but now I realise I missed all the stuff that made time with David as wonderful as it was. You might just have to read between the lines).

Black and White

As people who read this would know, I'm in a multi-racial relationship. Even though that's technically the truth, I don't feel it all. Probably because when I think of 'multi-racial' relationships, I imagine a very dark African man and a fair blonde woman. Or a Caucasian guy and an Asian woman. Just two people who look very obviously different.

And although David and I are different, it's not that obvious. We could pass for two Europeans. What I mean is people wouldn't notice our difference in the streets.

A couple of days ago, David said to me, "I don't think our kids would look like me. They'll be white". I told him that wasn't necessarily true, they could get his genes. Then David said that they'd probably be white because half his genes are from his Dad who had brown hair, fair skin and green eyes.

I asked him if he cared and he said something I didn't expect. He said, "This may sound racist but I'd prefer if they were white, they'd have less problems if they go overseas".

He said that even in South America he experienced discrimination because of his skin colour. That shocked me because he's pretty fair for a Latin American guy. He explained that even in South America there's discrimination against dark coloured people since there are plenty of Caucasian looking people.

I remembered seeing on Oprah that even Africans prefer lighter shades of brown so maybe the South American thing is similar.

We are so lucky to live in Australia where most people couldn't care less what you look like or where you're from. David's Native Indian/Hispanic look is a big reason why I'm worried about taking him to POB where he would really stand out and may attract unwanted attention.

Whatever our kids look like, be it white, black or in the middle, I'm sure they will be gorgeous and most importantly I hope that they're healthy and happy.

My Everything

I was driving to David's house last night and I felt just ecstatic. Just overwhelmed.

Got to his house and was just so happy. Talked with his Mum a lot. That was nice. I hope I always get along with her.

Then spent time with David. Did I say that he's the most wonderful perfect person, ever? I probably have but I can't say it enough.

I might've thought I was really unlucky before because I never had anyone but now I realise that I'm lucky after all. Very lucky.

Recently, we've been discussing housing and such. Things like where we want to live and how we can afford it. He realises now that we can't buy straight away, it's just not realistic but that doesn't mean that we can't get together. Fingers crossed that he gets the job that he applied for tomorrow. It would be such a great stepping stone for him and would allow him to contribute to our savings. I've been saving a lot but it's still not enough.

Anyway, I can't help but wonder when this whole 'thing' will become official. I'm predicting early next year. Might have to mention to him how long it takes to organise the 'ceremony'. Don't know why but I'm scared to use the official words. Even when we talk, we don't say, "When we get married" or "at the wedding". We say "When we get together" and "At you know" instead.

However, he did call me his family. (And his 'musa' and inspiration, but now I'm just showing off.)

It's strange but lately when someone (like from uni) tries to organise something, people always have excuses such as "I have an engagement party to go to" or "I have to go to a friend's wedding". I guess it's that time now. Instead of 18th and 21st birthday parties, people go to weddings and housewarmings.

Can't wait for my turn. Can't wait till David's with me all the time, not just on occasional evenings and weekends. And talking several times a day is getting a bit too much too.

Also it'd be nice that when we go places, we can come back together.

The only problem I can think of with moving out is that it'd be really weird to have a new home. I'm so used to where I live now that it would take some time to feel at home somewhere else. Hopefully David will make the transition easier. Home is where the heart is, right?

And also of course it'd be weird to do all the grown-up stuff like look after the household. Hopefully we can retain our childish qualities and not become a boring adult couple. David actually told me that I'm the only one he can be a kid with. That made me really happy 'cause I don't think I could be with someone who was serious all the time and didn't know how to be playful.

Last night David was my psychologist. I kept kept talking and talking about my first years in Australia at the snobby private school. I couldn't stop. It was like supressed memories flowing out. Afterwards, I just felt so good to have been able to share that with him. And he was so wonderful, he didn't get scared off, he actually said he liked listening to me! Seriously, could I have found a better partner? I doubt anyone more perfect exists.

He makes me feel really loved. The way he listens, what he says, how he knows the ways to make me laugh, the way he looks at me... What can I say, I'm in love.

Get Moving

I went for a run today. Well, semi-run... quarter run. Ok, I went for a walk and ran a little bit. But still! I actually motivated myself to exercise. I've impressed myself.

It was still relatively early but man, it was hot! I was puffing so loud when I got back.

Lately I've noticed that I started getting flabby and that's not something I want. When I put on weight, my mood plummets and I stop feeling too good about myself. Plus I have my high school reunion soon and I want to look really good for that. I whinged to David that I was getting fat and he said, "You're not getting fat, you're getting beautiful" which is exactly what he should always say, no matter how skinny or fat, pretty or ugly I get. So his opinion is not the most accurate one.

Anyway, the dancing class yesterday motivated me. Everyone there looked hot. Very fit and toned. So since the dance class is only once a week, I will exercise on other days. Plus David said that as soon as his exams end he will go with me to Ballroom dancing classes. Can't wait!

When I was waiting for the dance class to start, the receptionist (who's also a dancer) started talking to me and she was saying how she didn't want to join the Samba dance group because they make them wear really revealing costumes (i.e. g-strings). That must be annoying - can't dance because of a costume!

She was also saying how she works out with a personal trainer twice a week because she's the biggest girl in the group. You should've seen her! She's got the perfect slim dancer's body. Well, the life of a dancer.

Anyway I realised that all those people who have really good bodies usually work really hard to get them so I can't compare myself to them because I don't (well, didn't) execise at all.

That class was pretty full-on. I could barely breathe by the end. There weren't many people but I didn't mind, as long as I wasn't the only one.

Hopefully I can continue with my regular exercising.

The Meaning of Life

The first thing that comes to my mind when I think about the meaning of life is: 42. Or was it 47? I never actually understood the meaning of that. (Read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

There are 36 meanings of 'life' on dictionary.com. But I assume those meanings were not the ones that people want to know.

The real meaning of life to me seems pretty obvious as everything in nature is designed to come towards the same result: reproduction.

The meaning of reproduction? Well, that's another topic.

However, everyone can create their own meaning of life. For some, they find meaning in helping others, while others don't need a reason for their life at all.

I say, do whatever makes you happy and not worry so much about the reason we're here. I mean, probably there is no meaning at all... That's life.

Over To You

Ok, everyone. I'm officially out of blogging ideas. I don't remember how I used to come up with stories out of the most insignificant events and now that things are actually happening in my life, I'm stuck for words.

So...

I'm open to suggestions. I will write about anything you want. Nothing is off limits. Well... you know what I mean.

The lines are now open. Ohmygod, I think I've been watching Australian Idol too much...

The Inner Child

I completely lost my voice today. It was so frustrating 'cause there were so many people I needed to call at work but I couldn't. That meant that I couldn't get on with some important work.

Everyone was really nice though, even though they couldn't help but tease me in their middle-aged way ("Were you at a Rave all weekend?", "You just don't want to talk today, is that what it is?", "This is a coming-of-age"). They answered the phone for me and everything. Nothing like the stupid publishing job last year where Renee made me go home when I asked her to answer the phone for me when I couldn't talk.

When I left, they all wished me well. Every single person.

Don't know if I should go to work tomorrow. I mean, I don't really feel sick. It's just my throat. Although I think I might have a slight fever.

Wish David was here. I couldn't even talk to him on the phone.

I'm so spoilt, every time I'm even a little sick, I want him to come and sit with me.

I was watching my POBian series and there's this guy who's after this slightly immature young single mother. When he told her, "I want to take care of your child", for a moment I thought he meant, "I want to take care of your inner child". That would've been just the most perfect line. I would love for someone (well, David) to take care of my inner child.

My Boyfriend, the Poet

David wrote me a poem. All by himself. I asked like 5 times 'cause I couldn't believe it. It was beautiful and meaningful. Not a bit of cheesiness.

Four lines. He said it took him a minute to come up with it. While he was studying, it came to his head. Because he couldn't stop thinking about me.

He asked if I thought it had rhythm. I said it did.

Don't know why but I keep imagining us old and grey.

A Lot

Spoke with David last night for a couple of hours. That was good, otherwise I was going a little crazy. He also said he felt weird, like something wasn't right, 'cause I wasn't there. We had a good conversation, including a misunderstanding. I think we were both just frustrated that we weren't together and started to get irritable.

All ended well. Neither of us wanted to hang up but then he said he really needed to go the toilet. Guess that couldn't have been put off for much longer.

He said, "I love you a lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot..." Went to bed smiling.

Still Saturday

Saturday night. Alone.

Reminds me of old times.

Frustrated, restless, bored. Sitting at the computer.

No life.

Sad and pathetic.

One difference - now I actually have a boyfriend.

Just feel really out of place. I don't even remember the last time I spent Saturday night without David.

David. Perfect.

Listening to POBian radio now 'cause I've been getting into POBian stuff lately. Maybe 'cause of the new show. Or 'cause I'm going there next year.

The station I'm listening to plays all the stuff that evokes emotion.
"Living without you is impossible" "na na naaa na"

Tell me how could this be
You’re not with me
Why does it hurt deep inside me
Show me where can I run
Where can I hide
From all the pain that’s inside me
I still remember the way we touched
I feel your kisses on me
You think you’re no longer in my heart
You’re still the angel I see

Just because you walk away, it doesn’t mean goodbye
You can think you’re gone, but you’re inside me
Just because you walk away, it doesn’t mean the end
Every time I close my eyes, we fall in love again

I see you touching my face
Feel my heart race
Every beat means I love you
Hold me – take me tonight
Stay by my side
Promising you’ll never leave me
I still remember the night we met
And all the memories you gave me
But if you think you can take them back
You’ll only see what I see

Just because you walk away, it doesn’t mean goodbye
You can think you’re gone, but you’re inside me
Just because you walk away, it doesn’t mean the end
Every time I close my eyes, we fall in love again

You made me feel my heart
You got to me
We were touching the edge of heaven
When you walked into this world of mine,
You stopped the hands of time

Just because you walk away, it doesn’t mean goodbye
You can think you’re gone, but you’re inside me
Just because you walk away, it doesn’t mean the end
Every time I close my eyes, we fall in love again

No David Today

I won't be seeing David today.

I have a really sore throat and he has exams next week. Decided it was better not risk him catching it.

A little disappointed because this means I won't see him until the next weekend.

But I am feeling a little tired so I don't mind not having to drive there.

Just realised that it's only 5:20pm, the whole night is still in front of me. I finished watching all the episodes that I have of my new favourite show. Might go and read later.

I rejected Claudia's invitation to dinner tonight because I thought I'd be visiting David. I won't go anyway, though.

It's weird but I don't feel like going anywhere without David. Is that wrong? When he's not there, I feel like something's missing.

Dancing was great today! I slept in and only woke up 15 minutes before I had to go. Didn't really feel like it 'cause of the grey weather and my sore throat but since I paid for the whole course already, I had to go.

Of course, once I was there, I had a great time. I talked with 2 other girls/women. One I thought was about 24, but it turned out she already had 2 kids, 6 and 8 years old! She so didn't look it. Her body just didn't look like it produced two children. She said she left them with the in-laws. She also does other dancing classes. It made me realise that kids don't necessarily have to stop you from doing what you want.

It's nice to meet new people. Being stuck with middle-aged people at work is getting a bit too boring. I don't meet people my age anymore. So the dancing class is great that way.

I was so tired by the end which is great. Means I got a good workout.

I need more exercise though...

Life Update on a Friday Night

April got a job at a big prestigious law firm. They rejected her when she applied for a summer clerkship there but called to offer her a job as a paralegal.

She's very excited, as you can imagine!

I'm very excited for her too. She said she'll be working on a case that's going to receive a lot of media attention in a couple of months. I wonder what it is! A celebrity or a goverment scandal maybe?

Can't believe that my friend will be a part of such a huge thing!

Makes my job feel pretty dull.

Speaking of my job, I love it. I'm quite busy now but that's the way I like it. I've been leaving at 4:30-4:45pm now 'cause of extra work. I know I know, how good is that?!

And my work has been recognised so that makes me happy. One woman asked me if she can use the ad I designed for her own birthday invitation. I took that as a compliment. Also, got a copy of my first internal magazine with my name on the back. It was really satisfying.

So yeah, little things like seeing my work in print makes me very happy. Not that I'm changing lives or anything but gotta find satisfaction in what I do, otherwise I feel useless.

The great environment, money and benefits also add to my satisfaction.

David is going to have some trouble finding work, I can tell. He just makes too many grammatical mistakes and I can't keep checking every cover letter he sends out. I really don't know how to help him with his English. I wish I could think of something. It's also a problem that he's not an attention-to-detail kind of person (when it comes to writing) so he misses his own silly mistakes. It's quite frustrating because it'd be nice for me to have confidence that he's capable of doing stuff correctly and quickly.

Another thing I don't understand is how he manages to get distinctions in his assignments but not do so well in exams.

Anyway, I can see he's improving.

Nadine emailed me an invitation to her and Dean's housewarming. I won't be going 'cause David wants to go to a Latin American forum that day. Not that I particularly want to, to be honest. Don't know why, I just don't. I think I'd feel too out of place.

Nadine's a bit of a stranger to me at the moment.

Even the way she wrote the email didn't sound like her. And you know why it didn't? Because she sounded grown up. And I only know Nadine as a not grown-up. So anything she does that's adult-like is very strange to me.

The day after her housewarming is my high school reunion. That is something I do want to go to. And not just because it's going to include free food. (But that is obviously the main reason because I'm over wanting to see people from high school.)

David's at work today. He called me 5 minutes after he started and said, "It's pretty quiet here. Wait, I have to go to work. There's too much to do. Don't hang up." I waited on the line until the regular beep sound. I guess he hung up. He hasn't called since.

Tomorrow is my dance class again. Yay! And then I'm going over to David's. His car is broken down and he's not going to fix it until the end of his exams so I'll be going over to his house for the next couple of weeks. I don't mind. He always used to come to my place. I guess it's my turn. I hope he greets me the way he greeted me on Wednesday... like he hasn't seen me in a year.

Damn, I miss him...

My Casanova

Some person from David's high school has a blog where he writes about people in his grade. The latest entry was a short description of everyone. David translated me the one about him, "David was known for being a Casanova..."

Don't know why but the inner me is smiling smugly. I got the Cassanova. The reason I find this kinda cool is because I always imagined myself to be with a shy nerdy type of guy. I was going to be the loud and outgoing one in the relationship. Sort of like my Mum and Dad. It never even entered my mind that a guy who can easily go out with any girl would choose me.

Somehow it's funny imagining David being a 'ladies' man' because he's just so huble, sweet and kind. But wait, I guess those qualities are the ones that attract girls. Don't know why but I always imagined a 'Cassanova' to be a bit of a bad boy. Hmm, I guess David used to have enough of a 'bad boy' vibe to get that title.

And I do notice that girls flock to him in the same way that guys don't flock to me.

Not that any of it matters. We trust each other and we love each other and Cassanova or not, I will always think he's the best guy ever.