My Life In Point Form

I've gone insane. I'm thinking thoughts that I would never before think and the worst is that I'm thinking these thoughts with logic. Before I thought these same thoughts with emotions, rather than common sense. At least before when I thought irrationally, I never acted on them. Now when I can rationalise all my thoughts, I know I'm going to act on them. This is starting to scare me. How could I change my mind so easily about issues that I feel really strongly about? What's going on? I don't feel like myself.

Since Max's email my whole perspective on the situation changed. How could that be? I'm usually very set in my views on those sort of issues. What is going on with my brain?!

It's as if some force is making me think those thoughts and I don't even believe in 'forces'.

Ever since I started this blog, I've been slowly changing. If you told me last year that I would post my life on the net, I would've told you that you were crazy. I'm pretty reserved in real life, although not as much as I used to be.

Did I tell you that I believe that every year you experince something that will define that year and your life in general? I don't know if that refers to you but I noticed that's what happens in my life.

1993: Having the best adventure of my life with Ivan.
1994: Going into a private school and getting the biggest shock of my life that for the first time I can't get on with anyone. That was quite depressing for a 10 year old.
1995: Excitement about getting into a really good high school.
1996: First year of high school.
1997: Accepting that although Nadine is not a perfect best friend, she's my best friend.
1998: Becoming close friends with April and Amelia, finding out that a person can really hate me without even knowing me. Finding out who my true friends are.
1999: Exchange Program showed that I could be completely independent and how important my family and friends are to me.
2000: Max. (Need I say more?)
2001: Last year of school, uni exams. Being able to handle pressure and stress.
2002: First year of uni, meeting lots of new people, realising that it's much harder to get a boyfriend than I originally thought. Also realising that although school finished, my school friendships haven't.
2003: This blog for now but maybe something else will happen. There's always hope.

I didn't write before 1993 because although I remember stuff that happened, I don't remember the order.

So if you had to write a significant event for every year of your life, what would your list look like?

Second Beginning

I think you should consider yourselves very lucky that you didn't know me when I was 16 and 17 because my blog would've been filled with constant babble about Max, like it's beginning to be. I'm sure you're just thrilled. (Well the curious ones probably really are.) At that time I even filled my diary (that I used to keep) with entries only about Max. You can call it an obsession. That's what I call it. I thought it was just another little crush but there's nothing little about it.

No one has commented about this. Actually everyone stopped posting to my message board. What happened?

I sort of decided to myself that I will email him. First I'll suss out why he decided to email me and I'll act depending on what his reasons are. If he just wants to know what I'm up to and that's all, that's fine. But if he really missed me and wants to talk again, I'll tell him that the online thing is over and I want it to be real. If he agrees, then I'll send him a pic of me and then call him. If not... actually I haven't thought about that... Should I just talk to him anyway or should I break it? I guess I'll think about it later.

I actually talked to Andrew about it. I never told him the exact details of how I met Max until today. He thinks I should meet up with him. Andrew is getting really mature lately. I love having a brother like him. It's like always having a friend there. I love listening to him tell me about his friends. His stories inspire me to make a show about his group of friends, rather than mine. All the girls tell him about how they like other guys and always ask him for advice but they never tell him who likes him. He's like the typical nice guy. I can't tell you about all of his unique friends. It will take too long.

So I guess the next few months could be very interesting for me. I need some excitement.

Oh!!! Before I forget I have to tell you about a little incident that happened relating to Nate (remember the guy who used to work with me for a tiny while?) At the end of my shift on Sunday, I grabbed the envelope with my pay slip from my tray. When I opened it on the train, I noticed that the times that I worked were completely different to the real ones. Then I noticed that on the envelope was Nate's name, not mine! It was Nate's pay slip! It must've been accidentally put into my tray. When I got home, I realised something. I could find out his age by his rate. When I looked at it, I couldn't believe it. He got $4 less than me!!! How could he be younger than me?!!! I've got a big issue with liking guys that are younger than me. It completely grosses me out. It's probably 'cause I have a younger brother and I think of younger guys as his friends or little kids, even if they are 17 or 18. I don't know why, I just do. He so didn't look younger than me but he must be. So it was good for me that he left. Imagine if I got a crush on a 15/16/17 year old and not know it?!!!

This is a bit irrelevant but April visited me at work. I was in a bad mood because I was stressed about all my assignments and the 'daughter manager' was being her usual bitchy self but when I saw April, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. She talked with me for a while which was the biggest mood booster. There's nothing like cheering up from a good friend. I haven't seen her for a while and was missing her so you can imagine my happiness when I saw her.

Mind Games

Mind Games

Since I got the email from Max, my life changed (or on the path of a big change). It's almost like someone coming back from the dead after you finally accepted their departure. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I reread our ICQ logs to remind me why I didn't like him but the things that I got really annoyed by don't annoy me as much.

Although I know what he looks like, I always imagine him to not look too good. I looked at the photos again and there's no way he's bad looking. Quite the opposite. He's got big brown eyes and the sweetest smile. Just looking at him makes me want to meet him right now. I know that's not a good reason to meet him so I won't.

I decided to be completely straight forward with him and not play stupid mind games. I'm probably going to email him back but wait a while before I do that to let him know that I'm not going to talk to him whenever he wants to talk to me after he ignored several of my messages (ages ago). Also if we start talking again, I decided that I’m going to make the whole thing real and meet him. If I won’t like him, I’ll get over it sooner without always having hope that he’s wonderful in real life. And if I will like him, then wonderful.

When I was thinking straight, I told myself that I will never go out with a guy who has no marriage potential no matter how desperate I get. I will definitely not marry Max. I just don’t want to settle on him. I need someone to at least have tertiary education and be a complete atheist since I feel really strongly about those, among other things (like no smoking and drugs but we both agree on those). Basically I only want to marry a guy who is smarter than me (in educational things). Max never went to uni and has a different outlook on those things. He also has a lot of family problems and when I have kids, I want them to be protected from that. I want them to have 2 happy sets of grandparents. Also, statistically, people from broken homes view marriage differently and see divorce as a solution to any big problem. I don’t want that. I doubt that will happen with Max because he feels very strongly about marriage and family but I can never know for sure. Anyway the latter issues aren’t even issues because him not taking uni seriously and not being sure about religion are major barriers. What I really like about him ,though, that makes me want to go out with him so much is that he’s very intuitive and senses things about me before I even say them. Not a lot of people can do that. We also have similar hobbies and I just generally like talking to him.

But going out with him would be really not fair to him if I already know that we have no future together. That would be leading him on, since I know he could really fall in love with me. I’m not being over-confident. He hinted before that he likes me too much. He obviously isn’t in love with me but he might be. I’ll just end up breaking his heart and causing myself a lot of emotional problems. But on the other hand, I can fall in love with him too without wanting to. When people go out, they don’t need to think of practical things that couples think about when they’re married. I’ll lose all control of my practical thinking skills, like you can see that I’m already doing.

Did I say that I don’t want to play mind games with him? That seems impossible at this moment. Imagine if I tell him, “I just want to go out with you now because I really like you and because I haven’t met anyone better. I definitely don’t want to marry you and we’ll break up as soon as I’ll meet someone who does have marriage potential.”. He’ll think I’m a selfish bitch. And he would be right.

What should I do?!!! I need help!!!

SHOCK!

I've just gotten the biggest shock! I think I may be hallucinating. The impossible just happened. Even getting a boyfriend would seem more realistic than this. Does anyone want to guess?

No?

I was just casually checking my mail and there was an email from... MAX!!!!!!!!! I have to remind myself to breathe just thinking about it. Just a while ago I was missing him and wanting and not wanting an email from him at the same time. I was so extremely grateful that he didn't write or anything because not having any contact with him made it much easier to get over the whole fiasco. The further away in time that he was, the less I cared and the easier it was to look forward without being distracted by the past. I don't particularly like looking back (although I do anyway) and the only way I could forget (or as close as possible to forgetting) about him is to not have any connection with him.

Here I was thinking that it was very strong of him to break all communication, and what does he do?!!! The email is so short but it brings back so much. I don't want to go back to the same thoughts and feelings that I had 3 years ago. They completely blocked me from reality. I don't want to live in that state of semi-consciosness again. And that's probably what will happen if I'll reply to his email. Or will it? I'm not a 16 year old school girl anymore and he might've grown up too. The curious part of me really wants to know what he's been up to but the practical part of me (that knows what's best for me) tells me to ignore the e-mail and pretend that he never sent it.

If only I had a boyfriend, my decision would've been so much easier. The only reason I want him is because there's no one else and he's not too bad. I just have a major issue with trusting him. Although I've talked to him for over 2 years, I can’t fully believe that he is what he says he is. I don’t know why exactly, but I can’t. And he can tell which is why he started to get really annoyed with me. His annoyance just made me trust him even less. At the end we just got so annoyed with each other that he decided to stop talking to me which was fine with me.

Do you think emailing him back is completely harmless or do you think I definitely shouldn’t do it? I’d really like to know what you think I should do and why since you can judge the situation objectively, unlike myself who can’t think straight when anything has to do with Max.

I know that you obviously don’t know the whole situation so you can ask me any questions that would affect your judgement about what I should do.

Uni, Music and Celebrities

Two more weeks till the end of the semester. Time flies so fast. I'm almost half way through uni. Amelia said that she wasn't particularly looking forward to the holidays because she likes the uni atmosphere. I just want a break from assignments and exams (and get rid of my gall bladder that's really annoying me).

I don't think my first 1 1/2 years of uni was very productive (apart from the fact that I'm getting closer to getting that piece of paper that will get me a good job). Although it was enjoyable, I didn't make any really important connections with anyone and I need to be connected to people. I thrive on that. Somehow, I just imagined it to be different, more exciting. I don't know... My future never meets my hopes that I have for it.

I really should stop writing here at night. I just can't say anything remotely amusing at this time. I just type out my stream of consciousness. Not a good thing (for me).

I have to work tomorrow. I just can't hide my excitement (and sarcasm). I read somewhere that sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. Does anyone agree with that?

I've been downloading Matchbox 20 songs. They are my favourite band now. Every song fits me. They never got the recognition that they deserve. I also like Everclear (but not as much). Goo Goo Dolls are not too bad either (I heard them live once which was pretty cool). Another favourite band of mine is Savage Garden.

Speaking of celebrities, Norma said something very smart last week. We were talking about Michael Jackson's songs and got onto the topic of Michael Jackson's actions and Norma said, "He's a performer, we don't care about his private life". I couldn't agree more. Somehow, I'm just not that interested in celebrities' lives like so many people are. I don't understand why. I'm very curious about people, but not about celebrities. I prefer 'real' people. People I can relate to. I'd rather read personal blogs that trashy magazines about famous people. Does anyone else feel this way?

I don't know why, but sometimes there's nothing more relaxing than being on the net at night (and not having to wake up early the next day).

Friends Cure Shyness

I saw Amelia today (just like I do every Tuesday). Although we've always been really good friends, lately, I feel really close to her. I can talk to her about almost anything.

I talked to her stalker today. That was hilarious. When he called her mobile, I answered and told him that she left her mobile with me for a few weeks and asked if he wanted to leave a message. After a couple of minutes of his "uh...uhm...uh..." etc, he said to tell her that he called. I was trying so hard not to laugh because Amelia was making weird faces at me. I don't think she believed what I was actually doing. I sort of didn't really believe it either. Since when do I make up stories to guys who I've never even met? It was always in me to make stuff up for fun but I've never actually done it.

I used to be so shy around people (apart from my family) when I was younger, but now if I'm with my close friends, I do not-so-shy things. I don't know how I acquired all this extra confidence. Probably from the fact that people like me even more when I'm myself, rather than when I don't say or do anything.

You know that quote "It's better to not say anything and make people think you're stupid, rather than say something and remove all doubt"? I, unconsciously, lived by that. Now, even if I say something stupid, I just don't care (unless, of course, it's to a guy who I like but since I don't like any guy right, it doesn't count).

Trends

I can't believe how many people are getting message boards now because they saw it on my site! I feel like I started a trend, yay!!!

Although, I have a little confession to make. It wasn't my original idea. Katie (from Digital Ink) used to have a message board but she closed it before I started reading her blog. I was a bit disappointed that I couldn't talk about her blog with other readers and her, so I decided to get a message board for myself.

I guess I re-started the trend. It's a nice feeling to be followed.

When I was little, my brother used to copy absolutely everything that I did which used to make me really mad. When I got a bit older, I realised that his copying should be taken as flattery which is what I think of it now. So if anyone wants a message board, feel free to copy (not that you need my permission).

Work Gossip

Who wants to hear about my work?

Well, I'll tell you anyway.

Yesterday I had to work from 6 to 9 with the 'husband' manager and his son, Peter. And no one else. Just the three of us. Can you feel my joy? Well what can I say except "Like father, like son" (only a bit better).

There wasn't much to do so I had to stay at the counter, pretending to be busy, while Peter was eating in the backroom. When he finished, I tried to avoid him by walking around the shop, pretending to be putting books on the shelves. Then Jack (the husband manager) ordered me to go to the front because Peter went to help Jack. You should've seen Peter's face. He was beaming. I felt like he was always laughing at me. And if you know me, I absolutely can't stand being bossed around, let alone being laughed at (for no good reason).

Later, at the counter when he was there, I did something that he couldn't. I couldn't enjoy that moment enough because he's always trying to show how good he is at everything. I think his face might've gone a little red (or that could've just been the heating which was making my face red too).

Anyway, after that Jack told me to take books from the very top shelves (which could only be reached from a ladder). When Peter heard Jack tell me to do this, he made some smartarse comment about me having to do this annoying job. He laughed too early because he ended up climbing the ladder several times because I couldn't reach most of the books. Also, instead of him only climbing once, I made him do it a number of times when it wasn't necessary. Ah, my skills of manipulation...

Then when I finished with that, he misused his power by making me do something that I didn't have to. I did what he said because I didn't want to argue with the manager's son but when he laughed, I realised he was just kidding. I was really mad at him. To make everything worse, I had a really bad headache (since I was at uni before and had a small gallstones attack). I was in a really pissed off mood already so he just made me fume with anger.

After that, we had to stand at the counter together. I decided to talk to him 'cause I was bored and I can't get in trouble for talking with the manager's son (unlike other employees). Turns out, he's not too bad to talk to. I asked too many questions (as usual) and have lots more. It was quite interesting to listen to him. I should've listened more and asked less.

Guess what he asked me? He asked me what year of high school I was in!!! You should've seen his face when I told him I was at uni (not to mention 2nd year)! That was funny! I'll take that as a compliment. After that he talked differently with me.

I wonder how old he is. I'm guessing 25 or 26, although he looks anywhere from 22 to 30.

He's one of those guys who I can't stand and like at the same time. It's terrible.

I don't think I'll be working with him for a while, which suits me fine.

Could, Should and Can't Be Bothered

I could be having a life at the moment. I should be doing work. I'm definitely doing neither.

My friends have totally confused me about our weekend plans. I can't be bothered figuring them out anymore.

Claudia wanted to go out tomorrow and said that she'd call to tell me the details. She didn't. April messaged me yesterday about going out tonight but not knowing when or where but just meet up in the city and figure out then. Today, I got an email from Claudia telling me the meeting details of tomorrow. I messaged April asking her if she's sure we're meeting today and not tomorrow. She messaged back at 5:20 telling me to call them when I get to the city so they can tell me where to meet them. By that stage, I just couldn't be bothered anymore. It takes me about 45 minutes to get there and I'm too tired to go, although I want to see them all (well, except Amelia who is starting her new job). I'm not sure if tomorrow is still on. I'll ask Claudia tomorrow morning.

I told April that I couldn't come because I'm very tired (which is true) and because I have lots of work (which is also extremely true) by which is assumed that I'm going to do all this work (unfortunately not true because I'm very tired as I already mentioned and because the work is boring and I can't get motivated enough to do it).

Missing Max (Or Am I?)

Have you ever wanted to do something that you know is not in your best interests?

I'm feeling like this at the moment. I want to talk to Max. Sometimes I really hope that he'd e-mail me but he never does (for which I'm very grateful because I'm not strong enough to break all the ties between us and I know I have to in order to live my life). I've read our ICQ transcripts and realised (not for the first time) that what we had was really stupid. It's not that I regret it, just wish it ended differently. I'm not sure how different, but just not this way. I sort of expected it to end like this but I just wish I wouldn't think about him every time I really want a boyfriend.

If only I met him differently and he was a different person, how much easier and happier my life would be.

When I was talking with Amelia today, at the next table was a beautiful couple who were acting all lovey-dovey and although they didn't make me completely disgusted (because I wasn't in a bitter mood), I still felt a longing.

I don't mean to get all soppy but it's almost 1am and people usually are more emotional at this time. So I'm just acting out on a human instinct.

Energisers

The one thing that never fails to really hype me up is being with or talking to my close friends. I saw Claudia in the morning, met up with Amelia (because she still waits with me during my 2 hour break) and talked and laughed the whole time. Then talked with April on the phone when I got home. I have too much energy to go to sleep so I'm writing here. I don't have to wake up early tomorrow so I can stay up late.

I have nothing interesting to tell you today (do I ever?) so I'll just ramble for a bit. Speaking of close friends, I'd love to know what your close friends are like. Are they people that you met separately or are they all your childhood/uni/work friends? How often do you talk/meet with them? Do you usually meet in a group of separately? If you have any interesting friends stories, I'd love to hear them!

Work Update

I was re-reading some of my entries and I guess I should I should update you a bit on my work. I got to work with Peter. He is the managers' son and the first thing he did when he was working with me was tell me what to do. What is it with that family?! Do they go on some power trip from telling others what to do when it's not necessary. Especially that Peter isn't even a manager.

The new guy (who's my brother's age) is really nice. He always asks me if I need any help and he actually helps with all the boring stuff, which is really nice of him. Since I'm not the newest employee anymore, the managers got off my case a bit and now yell at the new boy. The husband boss even yelled at him in front of me. I mean this was after closing and the manager asked me to stay while he told off Jonathan and after he finished, he said that I could go. That was so cruel.

Last Thursday, when the managers weren't there in the morning, the other older employees were bitching about them so much. Yay, I'm not the only one that can't stand them! They were also saying that the wife and husband had a really big argument when I wasn't there and it got quite ugly. No wonder Mary (the wife) was saying nice things to me for no reason in particular. It was probably to get me to like her more than her husband. Maybe not but I choose to think that because I can't think of any other explanation for her strangely nice behaviour.

Strange Thoughts

Since I have no life this weekend, or should I say no social life because I'm not having such a bad time doing nothing after a long week of uni assignments and work, I'm going to write in here.

I'm not too good at articulating things so I'll be jumping from one topic to the other. I have difficulty in making my entries flow from one thing to the next. Hope it doesn't ruin reading my entries too much.

Anyway, I was going to say that sometimes before I go to sleep, I start thinking really strange thoughts like if, for example, April and Amelia, were falling off a cliff and I could only save one, which one would it be? I'm strange, I know. So I keep thinking of all the people that are really important to me and rank them in order of importance. Why the hell do I do that?! It really scares me, especially when I can't chose and I always make the choices really hard. At the top of my list is my Mum and Andrew. Choosing between them drives me crazy. I have to tell myself that it's very unlikely that I'd have to choose between them since it's very unlikely for them to be falling off a cliff while holding my hands. I'm so weird sometimes that I even scare myself.

When I was in year 5/6 and really didn't like my class, I'd daydream about the end of the world and that some force would tell me that I can choose 2 people to save and I imagined who that would be and the looks on my classmates faces when they weren't chosen.

I wonder if there's some deep unconscious psychological reason for these thoughts or if the part of my brain that controls my imagination has gone all weird. Probably both.

Does anyone else have any really strange thoughts that come out of nowhere?

Good vs Bad

I've borrowed "Chicken Soup For The Soul" because I've heard that it's good. It's a collection of apparently true inspirational stories. Although it's a bit setimental at times, it's still quite interesting. It's supposed to encourage faith in humanity which is good and all but it's a bit too mushy for my liking.

It actually made me think that if someone is unhappy with their life because he/she knows that it can be better, does that make them an optimist or a pessimist?

It reminds me of what my Dad said, "A pessimist says that life can't get any worse and an optimist says that yes it can".

I know there's too much cynicism in the world and a brighter outlook on life wouldn't hurt but why can't everyone just be realistic and realise that there is both good and bad. It's all balanced. Sure it'd be great if everything was great but it doesn't work that way. I wonder if it's possibe to eliminate the bad with time but I guess for that to happen, everyone has to agree about what's good.

My idea of good is when you can do whatever you want without hurting anyone else.

Guy And ?

This is a random thought but I wish there was a female equivalent of the word "guy". There's woman and man, boy and girl, and just guy. The reason I wish there was is so people could refer to females my age by that term. I know I'm not really a "girl" anymore but it's strange calling me a "woman".

Oh my God, I just remembered that Brittney Spears song "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman". God help me if that has any significance to my life!

Some of my friends were talking about this a few years back, but it didn't have that much significance to me back then because I didn't look older than my age and at 16/17, everyone referred to me as a girl. But now, especially in the bookshop (where I work), customers refer to me as a 'lady' which is almost an equivalent of 'woman'. At first it felt really strange but now I'm sort of used to it. Some people still call me 'girl' so I guess there's some sort of a balance.

Some people call females my age "chicks" but I absolutely can't stand it. I find it a bit degrading to compare girls with chicken. I know some girls actually like it and refer to other girls as "chicks" because they think it's a cute term but I don't find anything cute about it. How would a guy feel if people called him a "chick"? He'd probably find it funny at first but after a while, it'd get really annoying.

Does anyone have any suggestions what female equivalent of 'guy' should be?

What Is Beauty?

I found a very interesting website about 'beauty', called Beautycheck. It's interesting to know if beauty is the same to everyone or if it's in th eye of the beholder. The only thing (that I can think of) that the web site could've researched a bit more is how beauty is perceived in different nationalities. For example, is there a reason why I don't find Asian guys attractive? And why do Spanish people generally look so beautiful?

I was actually thinking about beauty since people started saying that Joanne from "Big Brother 3" is using her "beautiful" looks to play the game. (Personally, I think that if she hadn't a nice presonality to match, she wouldn't be able to use her looks.)

Why is it that beautiful people get paid out so much? They had as much influence in being good looking as 'ugly' people had a say in their looks. What's the difference between the two? 'Ugly' people get sympathy from the public while 'beautiful' people get bitchiness. Although some people might say that beautiful people have it much easier in life, I would disagree. They get judged so much and so much attention (or I guess I should say pressure) is put upon them to be happy. Is it because people feel intimidated by beautiful people and they try to find something wrong with them? And besides, being good looking doesn't guarantee you happiness because as cliche as it sounds "beauty is only skin deep". Personality is what really matters. I'm sure if you're intelligent this is nothing new but I just felt like talking about it.

(In the last paragraph, I had to generalise to express my feeling on the issue so don't go thinking that I feel like that about every single person.)

What are your thoughts and/or experiences on this 'beauty' issue?

No, I haven't died, if anyone's been wondering. It's weird that although I didn't have the internet for only a week, it feels forever. I have quite a few things to talk about but this is just a quick note to say that I haven't forgotten my blog.

A Stranger

Yesterday when I was walking to the station in pouring rain, a complete stranger offered me a lift. I never get into strangers' cars but I remembered my Mum getting a lift AGES ago so I assumed it was the same woman. Since I'm still alive, the woman must've been very nice. I'd never offer strangers lifts, even if it is pouring rain.

Has a complete stranger ever done anything really nice for you? Or have you gone out of your way to help someone you've never met before?

Lately I've been thinking how to make my life (and blog) more interesting and I thought that maybe every day, I should do something really nice for someone and for myself (as a reward). These nice things can't be too easy (especially the ones for myself). For example, taping a show for myself (or eg my brother) does not count.

I've been thinking about it for a few weeks now but I can't think of things to do. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Or maybe you can do the same.

Fabian Incident #104

You know that although I really can't stand Fabian, he gives me material to write in my blog. Is that good or bad? I guess he's good for something.

This is what happened yesterday.

Just before our tutorial, I heard Fabian say my name in French, so I wasn't sure if he was talking to me. After he said it again, I turned around and he said, "Hi [my name in French]. How are you?" I gave him a what-is-wrong-with-you?! look while replying, "Fine. How are you?" in a suitable tone.

He then, wheels his chair between Sophia and me. Sophia was looking uncomfortable (as expected in close proximity of Fabian). With his usual smirk on his face, he says to me, "This is what I love about...[trails off] If I say 'hi, how are you?' to you, you give me this look [tries to imitate my what-is-wrong-with-you?! look] as if 'why is Fabian saying hi to me?!'"

I was all defensive (I don't know why), saying, "I didn't do that." Then I realised that I did do that so I said, "You didn't say my name properly".

Fabian: It's French! [as if I didn't know]
me: I know, but this isn't France.
Fabian [leans forward and points at his head]: In my head, it's France!

I rolled my eyes, while Sophia giggled nervously. I turned to my computer, thinking that he'd go away, but does Fabian ever go away?!

Fabian: I had a friend in France who was called [my name in French]
me: I know, you told me.

He looks surprised that I remember but I always remember things like that.

Fabian: Well, she's not a friend anymore. More of an acquaintance.
me: That's nice.

Fabian: so [my name in English], how was your weekend?
me: fine, how was yours?
F: it was crap actually.
me: that's too bad.

As if I was going to ask him why it was crap. I didn't need to, he explained anyway.

F: I've really been missing [our tutor]

I just had to burst out laughing, didn't I?!! I couldn't even roll my eyes (which would've been appropriate). I hate how laughter just comes out of me at all the wrong times. He must've been satisfied because after that because he left. Or maybe it was just because our tutor came.

The first thing he asked her was, "What happened to the cute tutor next door?"

God, he's... I don't know what he is.

ATTENTION:
Anyone who has/had excruciating pain from gallstones, please let me know of any ways to lessen the pain or how to avoid it. Last night, I was going crazy from it, waking everyone up with weird sounds that were coming out of my mouth.