Missing Max (Or Am I?)

Have you ever wanted to do something that you know is not in your best interests?

I'm feeling like this at the moment. I want to talk to Max. Sometimes I really hope that he'd e-mail me but he never does (for which I'm very grateful because I'm not strong enough to break all the ties between us and I know I have to in order to live my life). I've read our ICQ transcripts and realised (not for the first time) that what we had was really stupid. It's not that I regret it, just wish it ended differently. I'm not sure how different, but just not this way. I sort of expected it to end like this but I just wish I wouldn't think about him every time I really want a boyfriend.

If only I met him differently and he was a different person, how much easier and happier my life would be.

When I was talking with Amelia today, at the next table was a beautiful couple who were acting all lovey-dovey and although they didn't make me completely disgusted (because I wasn't in a bitter mood), I still felt a longing.

I don't mean to get all soppy but it's almost 1am and people usually are more emotional at this time. So I'm just acting out on a human instinct.