The Screen Dream

I have been having - let's call them 'urges' - since I was a kid. Sometimes they subside and other times they blow up so much that there's nothing else I can think about.

I have depressed this feeling for a while now and today it has come back.

The urge to write a film/TV show/play. (What did you think?)

At work, I manically looked through all the websites on film making, script writing and participating in other people's projects.

I have tons of ideas swimming in my head, none of which I'm happy with. All of which I have no confidence in ever being produced. I guess that inevitable knowledge that it will never come to fruition is what makes me lose my motivation very quickly.

Yet, I still can't help but want to work in film/TV. Looking through different websites reminded me that I'd have to work for free, which lots of these people do, before I even have a chance of working on a professional production.

The problem is that I can't afford to work for free. I don't have time to take off work to shoot short films. I wish I did but I just don't.

I was thinking how I should just write something that I would want to watch. A story I would be interested in. Maybe that would hold my interest to finish a script. And then I can try taking the next steps. Only my unstoppable consequence-thinking brain already knows that if I write something I like, it would be personal and I don't have the guts to show my personal writing to anyone (other than anonymously, of course). Actually that's probably why I stuck with blogging for so long. I write what I like, get to share it with the public and still remain anonymous.

Having April for support in the script writing process was so great because we bounced ideas off each other, provided encouragment and just had fun. Now that she's not interested anymore, there's no one else who can motivate me to keep going.

On the weekend, David actually suggested we buy a camera and make little films together. I was very surprised 'cause I didn't expect him to be into that sort of thing. He even said, "It could be our first purchase together". So I did some research on video cameras and told him the prices. He said it was too expensive for him to get right now. Anyway, he's right. We wouldn't have much time to make movies with him busy juggling studying, volunteering and work.

Maybe I should just write something anyway. Just for the fun of it.

On a bit of a different note, got an email from Amelia today and I swear her life is like a story. She makes the most ordinary things seem exciting. I was actually thinking how if my friends were TV shows, she'd be a quirky soap-opera - dramatic and full of twists and turns. On the other hand, April would be a very long-running show that I'd always like to curl up in front of, even if it's the same thing a lot of the time. David would be an entertaining sitcom that always leaves you wanting more. And as for me... well you decide.

I wonder if everyone has dreams of what they wish they could do. Sing, act, write a novel? For me, the two dreams that I've had since I was about 6 were:
1. Be in movies/TV/theatre (preferably directing/writing)
2. Dance in shows

I blame the first dream on my mother because she took me to the theatre when I was probably only 4 years old and I fell in love with drama ever since. And I blame the second dream on my primary school teacher who got me involved in semi-professional musicals. The music, the nightly rehearsals and the beautiful costumes got to me and never let go.

Do you have dreams that you've had since you were a kid? Did you achieve them?