The End of the Search?

I just realised that for a long time now, I've been blogging to regular readers rather than any new ones and since most of the old ones left a few months after I started going out with David, there's only about 5 people who read my blog. And new ones never visit the second time. In a way that makes me feel safe to write whatever's on my mind but in another I miss knowing that there's a whole large-ish group of people interested in what I write or who can relate to what I'm going through.

I guess it's understandable that the reason people used to read this is now the reason they don't. I know it's no fun reading about a person who's pretty much happy with her life if you are not. My old self would stop immediately reading another person's blog if they started going on about how happy they were.

Last week when I couldn't connect to my blog, I almost got another blog. I think I'm at the stage of blogging where I want a new beginning. A different blog, a different concept, a different design. I want to start over again.

I always thought that I would only start a new blog after I got married (if I still wanted to) so there'd be some conclusion to this blog. When my 'search for a life' would be over. I used to think that in a way, it never would be over. There'd always be new things I'd be searching for. Now I realise that my search is kinda over already. I'm almost exactly where I'd like to be in my life.

I have my job, my boyfriend, my friends, my hobbies, my small adventures.

So even though I could end this blog, the problem is that I'm not happy with this vague boring ending.

By habit of blogging is another obstacle, as well as finding anything hard to let go. I don't want to let go of this blog where I accumulated readers who have been reading my blog for most of its existence. I don't feel ready to close this chapter of my life, even though my life is back to monotony (but different to the one I had when I was single). There's this contentness that I've comfortably settled in with no major events to shake things up. And to be honest, I love it this way.

I find more excitement just being with David than anything else. Of course this is quite boring for people to read about. There's no suspense, no thrill, no desperation to find out what happens next.

I read somewhere that people become wonderful writers when they fall in love because they start to see poetry in everything. However, I seem to have worsened my writing skills. In my opinion, people in pain are the best writers. Many singers are examples of this.

I also have another problem: I can't think of a better title for my new blog.