That Nagging Feeling

When you miss someone, it's so hard to remember anything bad about that person, no matter how hard you try. And if you do remember something negative, it doesn't seem as horrible as it once was.

I'm starting to miss talking to Max again. I was fine for a while but lately, I've been thinking about him once too often.

It's exactly what happened last year. At first when we stopped talking, I was quite happy to have it all be over but a few months later, that nagging feeling started to resurface. Last year, amazingly, he felt the same. Apparently he thought about emailing me a few months before he actually did, which meant that he started to miss me before I started to miss him.

I'm not even sure if he's in Australia at the moment. He was supposed to go overseas for a few months, starting from March. Maybe he decided that this time it's really over.

Oh my God, I'm talking about it as if we had some proper relationship. Our thing (whatever you want to call it) between us made me realise that there are so many different types of relationships between people and not everything is black and white. I don't even know what to call it. I guess it was the closest to a friendship that occasionally became emotionally more intimate. But then, we weren't proper friends.

I think a larger than I thought part of the way it turned out was my fault. I acted a bit too paranoid and very childish at times. But he didn't make it much easier. Although sometimes, I'm surprised that he liked me the way he did, even though I was so annoying to him. And I still don't understand why I wasn't open with him. Why I always had to put him down. Why I had to pretend that he didn't mean anything to me.

Hopefully this nagging feeling will pass soon.

Or he'll email. Maybe even call...