True Love

Every day I want it more and more. I don't think I can wait another year. Although, of course I will.

I guess I'm just sick of talking on the phone. It's just not enough anymore.

I remember when at the beginning I joked, "Don't worry, I won't call every day" because "every day" seemed a little too much, too weird, too clingy. Now "every day" is normal, is not enough. Missing a day means something's wrong.

The yearning is so strong and always continuous. It never seems to go away. At work, at home, everywhere else. Like two magnets that want to touch but two invisible hands keeping them apart, teasing them, not letting them.

I brought two magnets with me from POB because Ivan gave them to me. It was the only thing I had left of him and in my preteen sense of love, those magnets were a symbol.

Now, Ivan is just a distant memory but the symbolism of magnets (not those specific ones, but in general) always comes to mind. Only now they symbolise David and me.

Sometimes I feel naive happiness because I don't have past relationships to jade my view of trust and love. I'm actually glad I don't have memories of pain and disappointment. To me, the ideal of love is reality and not just a fantasy dream that's been erased by experience.

I hope and sincerely wish that it will always be this way.

It's kinda odd that I've become less cynical and 'logical' about successful relationships since I've become a part of one. Before I thought that love wasn't enough. It just didn't make sense that emotion could be stronger than common sense. I always thought that feelings couldn't be trusted because they didn't have a solid explainable base. Now I realise that it's the unjustifiable unexplainable energy that doesn't seem to stem from any rational basis that has the most power. Just wanting something is enough to make anything work.

David and I want us to work more than anything. We don't know why, we just do. So nothing like difference in religion/culture/political view etc. can be reason enough for us to stop being together. It's easier to cast a blind eye, put on rose tinted glasses, avoid the topic, pretend it's not there, anything than stop seeing each other.

Sometimes I wonder if it's fear of being alone or not finding anyone better that's the real power behind keeping us together, but then I realise that it's fear of losing the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. And who wouldn't be scared of losing their dream that came true?