The End Before the Start

There's been some very interesting turn of events. Not in my life but in April's.

Last week April told me she was meeting up with Praket for dinner and then go to see his new place. I didn't think much of it because even though before I would've thought this sort of outing was a lead-up to something more serious, I've learnt to know better.

Then at about 11:30pm on Sunday, I got a message from April saying that they weren't "just friends" after all. I excitedly asked her if he kissed her and she replied that he wanted to but she told him she had to think about it since she convinced herself they would never be more than just friends.

At that point, I was thinking, "silly girl!" and that she thinks way too much. She messaged to tell me she was really confused. I told her to do whatever made her happy.

All of Monday I couldn't stop thinking about what exactly happened.

I didn't have to wait long because last night she told me the full story.

What actually happened was that they were having a really good time and he kept saying how romantic the night was. She said she didn't think much of it 'cause he was always like that, or more specifically she didn't want to think anything because of her previous disappointments with him.

Anyway, later he asked her what they were doing and she said she didn't know. Then he told her how he felt, how he was attracted to her from the beginning and really liked spending time with her etc.

They got talking about whether they wanted to 'go out'. He said he wasn't 100% sure and she said she didn't want to go into it if it was going to end in 2 months. He told her to think about it on her way home and then he'd call her when she got home.

She quickly realised that she'd always regret it if she let this opportunity slip so when he called she told him she wanted to go out with him.

But he said that he talked to his cousin about everything and he wasn't sure anymore. They decided to discuss it further the next day.

Next day came and they met up for lunch. And who would believe it but he told her that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he didn't think it would work and he was too old to try things for the sake of trying! (What an idiot.) To top this 'break-up' speech, he told her that her lack of relationship experience was a part of why he didn't want to go into it. He also said that he hoped they could remain friends but not go on their 'romantic' outings.

He might've as well stabbed April in the heart.

She said she couldn't help but wish that he'd realise what a mistake he made and ask her again so she can reject him as cruelly as he rejected her.

I really feel for her because I remember how she convinced herself that he wasn't interested in her as more than a friend and then to convince herself otherwise again, only to be played like that.

I think she's better off without this manipulator. How does someone change their mind so suddenly? If this went on for longer, his mind games could've caused a lot of damage.

April deserves someone better, someone who will accept her without relationship experience and will not worry her with quick mind changes, someone she doesn't have to be tense around.

Of course I didn't tell her this because I have a feeling they might still get together and she'd hate me then if I said anything bad about the guy now.

When we first met him, I remember David saying that guy can't be trusted.

Personally I think Praket overanalyses too much, which actually reminded me of Max. You just never knew what state of mind he'd be in.

This makes me feel so lucky to have David. His imperfections are nothing compared to other guys. I won't even go into how nice David is. He's just the sweetest, kindest, most understanding, most caring guy I have ever met.

What really made me upset about April's story was that her lack of experience was a problem for this guy. He obviously doesn't understand how sensitive we are about it. I remember how scared I was that David wouldn't want to be with me if he found out. But I didn't know then that it'd make no difference to him. He told me he liked me for the person I was now and the past was of no importance. Anyway, I'm not going to repeat again what happened that night over a year ago.

You know how when buying presents you should buy something that person will like, not what you like? Well, I believe it's the same with love. It's better to love a person in the way they want to be loved, not in the way you think is good. This was reflected in the book The Dirty Girls Social Club. One woman was loved by a poor guy. However, she didn't want to be with him because he didn't have money. Seems like a really shallow woman right? Well, that's not the point. The point is that even after several love-filled proposals and her constant rejections, he brought her a very expensive ring and she said yes. Seems like she only wanted him for the money. But then you realise it wasn't the actual money, it was what the money meant to her. And since she grew up in poverty, to her money was love.

Well, lately I noticed David started doing things he didn't before but that I really like. For example, I mentioned several times (not intentionally) that I love getting emails. So he started to regularly email me. This is just one trivial example, but there are plenty more. He might not realise this, but I notice.

Writing about him is making me miss him. He should call soon... can't wait. I never loved anyone more.