Almost a Fight

April and I just had the closest to a fight that we ever did.

I wanted to see if her uni group meeting today was a real excuse for not going to the dance class or just a convenient one. I asked if she wanted to go tomorrow with Christine and I but she said that she should do her work. I then said that we won't be going clubbing on Friday like we planned because the others can't come and after she acted upset, I asked if she wanted to go anyway. When she said yes, I suggested that we go to the dance class instead since we go to both for the same reason - dancing. And then she started saying that she should probably do her uni work. If she doesn't want to go, why can't she just say so?!

I told her that I'd rather she told me now that she won't go, rather than a few hours before because that gets annoying. She then defensively asked when did she ever do that before? And I hate when people ask me to give examples of similar past events because I can never think of any from the top of my head. I just know that it has happened because once is never annoying, it's when a person continously does it, then it gets irritating.

So now we're not talking.

Cancellation

I just knew it! April can't come to the dancing class. Argh!!! This is annoying. I guess it's not really her fault since she has a group meeting at uni, but still! How convenient! She said that Christine might be going but she's driving there and she usually comes half an hour late so it's the same as just going by myself. At least if it was close by, I'd go by myself but I don't feel like travelling for 40 (if not more) minutes to go alone. Maybe we can go tomorrow...

Archive Check

Can everyone please check if the links to my archived entries work or not. Let me know by posting your answer in the comments. I would really appreciate it!

I'll do the forward that she sent me here.

1. What's your full name? Can't say here.

2. What are you wearing? Navy track pants and grey and blue sports top.

3. What are you listening to right now? Silence. Can't decided what I want to listen to. Actually, I was just listening to the typing of the keys.

4. Last four digits of your phone number? who cares?!

5. What was the last thing you ate? a meat pattie, rye toast and some vegetables.

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Dark blue.

7. Where do you plan to go on your honeymoon? I haven't planned that because I'm not sure if I'll be having a honeymoon since you need to get married in order to have one.

8. Last person you talked to on the phone? My Mum.

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? What they say (if they talk) or their height and face (if they don't).

10. Your favorite drink? That yummy apple & strawberry juice or (Cherry) Coke.

11. Favorite alcoholic drink? One that has the least alcohol.

12. Favorite sport to play? Dancing, if that counts as a sport. If not, then ice-skating.

13. Favorite sport to watch? Dancing or figure skating.

14. What's the next CD you're going to get? None. I dowload music from the net.

15. Did you ever wear braces? No, thankfully!

16. Best memories? The ones spent with close friends and family.

17. Do you wear contacts? No.

18. Siblings and their ages? One brother, Andrew, who's 16.

19. Favorite month(S)? August because the weather is nice and because there's still half a year left.

20. Favorite food? chocolate, pizza and fresh bread. Mmmm......

21. Last movie you watched? Finding Nemo.

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yes. *Sigh*

23. Do you like scary or happy movies better? Depends on my mood. I guess I usually prefer happy ones.

24. Summer or winter? Winter, for sure!

25. Relationship or one night stands? Relationships.

26. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate.

27. Who is most likely to respond? I'm not sending this to anyone so no one will respond.

28. Who is least likely to respond? Everyone, since I'm not sending it.

29. What books are you reading? Lots. Can't be bothered typing. I should update the column on the right.

30. What's on your mouse pad? Don't have one.

31. Favorite magazine(S)? Changes from time to time. I haven't bought any for ages. But I guess I like girly mags.

32. Favorite smell? The smell of fresh bread.

33. Least favorite smell? Gross smells.

34. Worst feeling in the world? Loneliness and physical pain.

35. How many rings before you answer the phone? Depends how close I am to the phone, but at least one I guess.

36. Future child's name? James, Mark, Alina... They change from time to time.

37. Favorite movie? American Beauty, Amelie.

38. What's under your bed? Carpet.

39. Glass half empty or half full? Half full. Before I used to say both but it makes more sense to me if it's half full 'cause I think of stuff being poured in, rather than out.

40. What is your favorite number? 25

41. One nice thing about the person that sent this to U? sometimes she can make me feel really good.

42. Many friends or one best friend? A few very close friends.

43. Favorite current TV shows? Friends. Other non-current favourites are Ally McBeal, Once And Again, Felicity.

44. Name one funny thing that happened today? I'm having a funny conversation with April on MSN right now.

45. Have you ever been in love? No.

Now, it's your turn. Answer these questions on your site and send me the site's address or post them on my message board or email your answers to me!

Green

Just got an email from Nadine. Not really an email but a forward where she answered questions about herself and I actually found out more about her from it. It's kind of funny in a really sad way. One of her answers made me feel a pang of envy. She answered yes to "Have you ever been in love?". I'm guessing the guy that she's been in love with is her current (if they haven't broken up yet) boyfriend, Jack.

I really don't want to sound like a cliche, but it's so not fair. I hope Jack is not as nice as he seems and I hope that I'm lucky not be going out with him.

I know I'm horrible for thinking that kind of stuff.

Invitation

April and I went to a local film festival yesterday but it was so freezing that we didn't stay long (although we really wanted to) and ended meeting up with Claudia and Christine.

While we were talking I got a message from Jacqui saying that she and Amy were organising a get together for the 'group'. I thought about going for no more than a couple of seconds. I really don't see the point in meeting up just for the sake of meeting up. I really doubt that they really want to see me. And I don't really want to see them. I hope they won't think that I'm avoiding them (since that's exactly what I'm doing). Those get-togethers are always so awkward for me that I don't see the point in going.

Tomorrow, I might finally be going to those dancing classes that I have been wanting (dreaming!) of going to. For some reason, I have a feeling that they'll (April and Christine) will cancel because that's what usually happens when I really want to do something that the others don't really want to do but I convince them to anyway.

I have been craving chocolate lately so I need to do some exercise to burn it all off.

I have so much uni stuff to do in the one week break that it doesn't even count as a break. And I wanted to do heaps of not-uni stuff. Somehow, for now, I'm managing to fit both.

Quizzes are so addictive!

You are a true nature girl!


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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Reader Assumptions

I always assume that the only people that read my site regularly are the 4/5 people that started reading it at the beginning, when I just started it. So I assume that everyone who reads this know everything that's been going on for the last 8 months.

Just Ask!

I noticed when some bloggers have nothing to write about, they ask people to ask them questions. So since I have nothing to write about, you can ask me any questions (but preferably ones that I can answer).

I haven't written any uni stories for ages. Probably cause none happened.

There's a really hot guy in one of my tutorials but I can never talk to him cause I'm always with my friends and they'll think it's weird if I just wander over to him to start talking.

The reason I'm online is cos I have an online meeting that's taking forever, as usual.

Terribly,
Incredibly,
Ravingly and
Extremely
Dead tired.

Seasons

I like winter cos it's nice and cold and cosy.

Summer is uncomfortable and sticky.

Spring is ok if it's not too hot and autumn is nice if it doesn't rain all the time.

La la la la!

I CANNOT STAND HOT WEATHER!!! My brain has fried.

Yay! Pretty pictures!

I have nothing else to add.

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You're Most Like The Season Spring ...

Fresh faced, with a young outlook on life - you
smile at the world and expect it to smile back
at you. You're mostly a bubbly, fun - innocent
person. Described as cute possibly. However,
you're a little naive about things and tend to
be a little too trustworthy.
As the first season, It Makes you the youngest -
and so most immature - but people are inclined
to look out for and protect you.

Well done... You're the most fun of the seasons :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
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I Want A Holiday

Can't wait till the holidays (not that I'll be having much of one). Can't believe that my second year at uni is almost over. I hope someone would want to pay me for my design skills after I get out of uni. If not, there's always the movie business with April. I wish...

And "Felicity" is over. Which show should I watch next? There's nothing that catches my attention. Maybe it's a good thing if I won't watch TV for a while.

I need some free time without any pressures hanging over me (like uni assignments).

I should start doing some work.

I feel like writing something intelligent and witty but nothing comes to mind.

Bitter Reminder

As soon as my Mum came home, the first thing she told me was that she spoke to Talia's Mum today and she told her how Talia and her boyfriend go to some dancing classes at my uni and that Talia's boyfriend's friend needs a partner for the class. I was like, "Oh my God. Don't even start", rolling my eyes. She then goes that in the class, they swap partners anyway and that she goes there with a group of friends and that I should call her. First of all I'm not calling her. She's nice and all but I just don't find it easy to talk to her. And it'll be weird if I call her out of the blue. And secondly, it'll be really awkward if I start going there with her friends.

Now I'm just annoyed that Mum had to tell me about other people's boyfriends because it's not like I can do anything about my lack of one.

I need to talk to April. She'll find the funny side to this.

Sally informed me today that the store that I'll be working in has only middle/old-aged women and gay men. Well, there goes my plan to meet guys.

Friday Five

1. Who is your favorite singer/musician? Why?
Rob Thomas because every song that he writes, composes and performs is different every time I listen to it which makes me not get bored of it.

2. What one singer/musician can you not stand? Why?
No one specific that I can think of at the moment but I can stand those singers who sing dancy songs that have one line repeated over and over with a boring beat in the background.

3. If your favorite singer wasn't in the music business, do you think you would still like him/her as a person?
Unfortunately, I don't personally know Rob Thomas but if his personality is relfected in his songs, then I would really like him!

4. Have you been to any concerts? If yes, who put on the best show?
Matchbox 20 for sure!

5. What are your thoughts on downloading free music online vs. purchasing albums? Do you feel the RIAA is right in its pursuit to stop people from dowloading free music?
I enjoy downloading free music because I can listen to songs that I probably wouldn't buy. I guess it's probably not very ethical but I'm a selfish person.

Compliments

Although it's nice to get compliments, when I get them, I feel that now people expect me to be what they say and that I won't be able to live up to it. Like today (and yesterday), Sophia kept saying that I was really funny and now I feel like I should always be funny, otherwise it's not true. And people who try to be funny, usually aren't.

So sad jokes, here I come!

I'm sooooooooooo tired and I have to do work.

"Felicity" is finally over. I'm really going to miss the show. I have gotten quite attached to the characters.

Hehe, I'm ranked 383 on Top Blogs. It's so low that I'm not even on the front page! Oh well, I had my moment of glory!

I've been told which store I'll "initially" be working at. And not only is it not the same as April's, it's in the City! I do realise that I didn't have to put it as one of my choices but when I was filling out the form, I thought it'd be better to work there than not work at all. I didn't realise that if they want to hire me, they'll put me anywhere!

I will look on the bright side - City store is bigger so there'll be more people to meet.

From The Past 3 - Growing Up and Flying

Here's what I wrote on 8.01.03.

I was just reading my first proper diary and it's amazing how much I changed. I sounded like such a child. I was kinda funny at times. I think I used to write better than I do now. I don't mean grammatically but the style. It's weird how when I look back, I feel like my younger self is another person. I feel old. I don't want to grow older. I know my life is improving but I just miss the naiveté and innocence of childhood.

When you're young, you have so much hope for the future. So much to look forward to and when you live that future, it's not as great as you hoped it'd be and that makes you sad. Or maybe it's just me. I think I'm just lonely because I don't have RG. I need to get distracted. This reminds me of "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" where it says that flying is an Art that you just need to get a hang of. It just involves falling and missing the ground by being distracted just before you fall. Maybe I just need to get distracted from thinking about RG and I'll have him.

From The Past 2 - Angst

Here is an angsty diary entry that I wrote on 17.12.02.

I read a lot of Katie's journal today and it brought up a lot of anger in me. For example, I can't stand a number of people but I just try to avoid my hatred for them. I think I would feel so much better if I told them how much they suck.

One of these is Shannon. She's so fake that Barbie dolls seem real in comparison. She agrees with everything and everyone, even contradicting herself. But with me, she's such a bitch because I can see right through her. I can't believe she's going to be a doctor. People like her should be put in a plastic pink box and sold at discounted price. I know this is mean but I feel better after I let my feelings out.

I'll never forget how at year 11 camp, she was bitching about Kate (who she didn't even know properly since she only came to our school in year 11) with a group of other girls when Kate has never done anything to her. Another girl asked me if I wanted to join "the bitch session' and I said something like, "Don't you have anything better to do" and Shannon replied, "It's just a bit of gossip." It was so revolting that I left.

Also, when Amy was having her nervous breakdown, Shannon would always pretend to be on her side and listen to Amy's whinging. Then when Amy wasn't there, she'd be on Melissa's side and bitch about her. It was disgusting.

I'm also disgusted that I'm starting to do that. When Amy calls me, I act nice to her but then bitch about her to Nadine. I'm so angry at myself for that. I'm just sick of Amy so much. She always has to rub things in to make herself feel better. I kinda feel guilty writing how other people suck. I'm not close to perfect but at least I try to be honest and I take people's feelings into consideration. I just so can't stand fake and hypocritical people who feel good when they put down other people. No one in the world is perfect but can't everyone admit that and try to improve?

I've got a really big headache but I'm supposed to participate in an online meeting for one of my uni subjects and my group members are not online yet. Even online, I'm early!

Carly

I made a new friend today. Her name is Carly and she's Amelia's friend. She's quite eccentric and straight forward -- qualities that most of my friends have. She's also one of those people that don't let study ruin their social lives which is really rare in people that I know. I've only talked to her properly for one day and we've already planned what we'll do in the holidays. I love talking to outgoing people.

I watched "Finding Nemo" on the weekend. It was absolutely excellent! I couldn't stop laughing. And the visuals were just astounding. Everyone, go and watch it!!!

Yay! I'm ranked 62 on Top Blogs!

I watched Australian Idol yesterday and I really liked that big guy Stu. He's like a big friendly werewolf, who has an interesting voice. I liked his version of "Whisper Your Name" much more than Harry Connick Jr's one.

Congratulate me, everyone!

I just got a Coles Myer summer job. And so did April. I'm not sure whether we'll be working in the same store or not, but that's not the most important thing.

I'm so happy about it. I'll finally be able to finish saving up for my trip to US next year.

I just knew something interesting would happen this semester.

I always get excited when I'm about to start something new where I'll get to meet new people.

Woah! My blog is ranked 85 on Top Blogs!

Back To My Old Ways

I was reading the diary that was dedicated (unintentionally) to Max and it made me remember how much I used to like him. I went crazy there for a while. I might post some entries here later if I feel like it. Right now I'm too embarrassed about them. I acted like a pathetic sentimental teenage girl that I never liked.

I can sort of laugh (a little) about it now. Although I still talk to Max, even if it's just through SMS. I might try talking to him on the phone again. Just not now 'cause my throat is killing me and I can barely talk.

I thought that last Saturday's party completely changed me because of the way how I felt after I've met Nadine's boyfriend. I didn't want to ever talk to any guy who was worse than him. Now, I'm back to my old self where I just don't care who I talk to.

From The Past - Discovery

I was reading through my old diaries. Here's what I wrote on 27.01.02:

Today I made an exciting new discovery! I was (and still am) very proud of myself. I discovered that blueberries are white inside. Who would've thought?! I found this out accidentally (as all major discoveries get found out). While I was washing them, I had to cut out a rotten bit out of one. When I did, inside it was all white. I thought it was a bad one but then another on was white too. So after biting a number of them, I realised that they're all white. It tuned out that my grandparents, parents and brother also assumed that blueberries were a dark reddish bluish colour inside. Isn't it amazing the surprises on can encounter in one's daily life, just by being observant?

I know, from now on, if I have nothing to write I'll just post entries that I've written in my notebook diaries.

Is this a joke?! I can't believe that such an offensive guy can be so entertaining.

Magic

Magic

After watching my tape of yesterday's episode of "Felicity", it got me interested in Wicca. If you read my blog, you'd know that I'm not a fan of religion but this one sounds interesting. Of course, they say that it's not like magic that you see on TV, unfortunately, but it's still interesting to pretend that magic spells work. I can only believe in something if I've experienced it. And sometimes, even I have experienced something, I still don't believe in it.

Take for example, astral projection (out of body experience). After I read a book about it, I thought I'd try it just for fun because according to the information about it, all I had to do was when I was dreaming and was conscious of that (which I used to be all the time), I could make my 'soul' come out of my body and do whatever I wanted without my physical body.

So one time when in the dream, I realised I was dreaming, I had the weirdest experience that, although was probably just a dream, freaked me out so much that I'm too scared to try it again. Basically, somehow I got out of my body and felt fully conscious of this and I saw myself sleeping. I got scared that if I left or moved, I wouldn't be able to get back into my body so in matter of seconds, I woke up. I haven't had a dream in which I was conscious of it since then.

Although it would be great if that was real astral projection, my skeptic mind tells me that it was just a really weird dream. I just can't get out of my head how conscious I felt when I was looking at myself sleeping. I've had dreams where I felt extremely conscious and could logically think in them but never like that one.

I had a dream tonight where another blogger wrote that my blog was the 2nd most entertaining one that she read. God, I'm even having dreams about my blog! That's worrying.

I hate having a sore throat. I'm already imagining long quite lectures where I will be the only one coughing horribly and making my eyes water, my nose runny and my face red. Why is it that no one has thought of an effective cure for the common cold?

I've just read some blogs written by 30/40 year old adults, talking about their non-existent love lives. I'm scared I'm just going to be one of them. This is too depressing.

Social Circles

On Monday when April caught my train (completely unplanned) and she asked me if I've met any SCGs on Saturday, I got really paranoid that someone on that crowded train reads my blog and would recognise me just from that. So I think I'll stop decoding April and my abbreviations. Although I'll get paranoid anyway because it's not often that you hear people on trains speaking in code.

I finally told Andrew about Saturday and all he said was that it just goes to show that if I want to meet new people, I should stop hanging out with my quiet friends and hang out with people like Nadine. He thinks that the whole reason why I don't have a boyfriend is because my friends are not very outgoing and don't have close friends outside our group which makes it impossible to meet new people. Well, except for Christine whose uni girl friends are pretty cool. Her guy friends are too weird for my liking.

Anyway, I think I need new friends. Not to replace old ones, of course, but to expand my social circle. And they have to be not like the usual people that I hang out with. Even at uni, I'm already clinging to people like my high school friends. It's like a habit.

I saw Lara on Monday. She's nothing like my usual friends but we still always find stuff to talk about. I need more friends like that.

I think the fact that I went to an all girls high school has had a strong influence on my social skills. I can always make friends with girls but find it hard to have guy friends. I never thought that going to a girls school would cause so many problems. Because if you think about it, most people make close friends in high school so how am I supposed to have guy friends if there weren't any guys at my school? I know it doesn't stop some people but I'm not like those people.

Letting It Out

I chatted with April about Saturday and feel a bit better. Andrew hasn't been very understanding about the whole thing 'cause he doesn't seem to care. I'm glad there's always someone I could talk to about this stuff. And there's always this blog, but it's not the same. I'm one of those people who likes to talk about things. I can't keep stuff inside. Although I don't tell everything to everyone, just the special few.

Life Is Unfair

I came home at 7:30am today. I'm not tired at all. Really. I just feel horrible because I found out that life is officially unfair. Yeah, I know some of you already knew that.

I finally found a guy that seemed to be really suited to me. But of course he has a girlfriend -- Nadine! I don't understand what really intelligent and nice quiet guys see in not so intelligent crazy irrational loud girls. If that’s the way it is, it’s an impossibility for me to find RG because my RG won’t see me as his RG.

I also noticed an interesting thing. When I go with my friends to the club that we went to yesterday, there were never any sleazy guys around but yesterday, when I was there with Nadine and her friends, it seemed that the whole club was populated with jerks. It was disgusting.

There was this weird looking guy, who I thought was one of Nadine’s friends’ friends. who was hanging around us the whole time so I decided to talk to him in case he was a really nice person. I asked him how he knew Nadine’s friend and he said that he just met her when we got to the club. I was talking to the guy as if he was one of our friends and he turned out to be some complete stranger that no one knew anything about! I tried to avoid him after that. That was really bad.

I also must stop smiling shyly at guys that I talk to because they think I’m coming onto them. They don’t realise that I can’t help it.

Nadine’s friends are absolutely crazy, except her guy friends who are all pretty quiet. One cute Spanish (I think) guy (Nadine’s friend) told Nadine that one of her friends was really hot and that girl was far from what I thought most people would consider as ‘hot’. Some people’s tastes are so bizarre. Her other friends were the most loud people I’ve ever met. They were nice though.

By midnight, Nadine got completely drunk. She told me that the only reason her boyfriend left was because I was completely sober so I could make sure that she was all right. So he trusted me to look after his drunk girlfriend, although he wouldn’t give me (someone who can look after herself) a second glance. Life is unfair. I know I shouldn’t like someone who doesn’t like me, that’s just stooping too low, but I can’t help it.

Nadine is not the best person to be around when she’s totally drunk, especially in the middle of the night in the City. She talked to any person who walked by, including creepy guys who started following us, but not for too long, fortunately. That was kinda a bit scary. She kept making stupid comments and singing on top of her lungs, attracting weirdos. I swear I’m never going out with her again. Another one of her friends was with us who although was completely sober, acted like she was drunk too and sang on top of her lungs as well, so her soberness didn’t mean a thing. Another one of her friends was even crazier than Nadine. She was telling us how when she went to some place, it was really stupid because “Not even one guy tried to chat [her] up! What [is she], ugly?!” Then some of her other friends were also into being drunk so they fully told me the details of their love lives. That was entertaining for a while, although again I was pointed out how unfair life is because these drunk girls had guys who liked them and I didn’t.

Max messaged me yesterday but I don’t feel like talking to him anymore, after yesterday. I know I said I want to meet him ‘cause we could be really good friends but I have enough of really good friends and don’t need anymore. And I’d never go out with him because I can’t be attracted to someone who’s dumber than me. So meeting him would be completely pointless.

Anyway, after yesterday, I decided that I’m over wanting a boyfriend. I don’t want any. There are too many dumb and sleazy guys, and all the good ones like girls that are opposite of me in personality. So what’s the point?

I feel really bitter at the moment. I’m sure you can tell.

Bravenet is getting all annoying again. It won't let me see visitors' IP addresses!!!

Relationships

I’m going to Nadine’s party tomorrow night. The one that all her friends are going to. I have a bad feeling about it but it’s probably just nervousness at the thought of being around lots of very loud people. I know that if I won’t go, I’ll regret it. Here’s my chance to meet new people, although I think I’ve met most of them before and didn’t particularly like them. It’d be good if my friends could come but if they will, I know I won’t talk to anyone else.

I talked with Nadine on the phone for a couple of hours tonight. It was weird. We fully talked about things that we used to talk about when we were close, i.e. guys, friends and relationships, not general stuff that we talked about lately (although we can talk about general stuff for hours too).

She told me about how one of her friends (I think I mentioned Netta before), who is about 25, and really wants to get married and have kids, is really good friends with a guy (who’s perfect for her) but doesn’t want to go out with him because she “doesn’t want to ruin the friendship”. That kind of reason irritates me so much!!!! It would be perfect to have a relationship with someone who you’re best friends with. Can’t people just get over their “Dawson’s Creek” melodrama?!!! Arghh!!!

Nadine offered to find me a guy. I told her not to, although I didn’t mean it. I’m just worried that she’ll embarrass me. I asked for her to find a guy for April. It’s less embarrassing to ask her to find guys for my friends, rather than for myself. I’ll have to ask her again. I should be beyond embarrassment. If she knows someone for me, then why not? Right?

Sometimes I wonder how Nadine and I became such good friends in the first place. We’re complete opposites, yet I can talk to her, like I can talk to April. Although we keep drifting apart sometimes, we always drift back again.

April came to uni with me on Thursday. That was totally cool! She needed to use my uni’s library so while I had the lecture, she went there, and then we caught the train back home. It was almost like school.

In my web design class on Wednesday, there are two girls who always giggle together about not very funny things and the tutor said they act like sisters. That made me miss April heaps ‘cause we were like that at school. All the teachers (and students) always associated us together. Once at a parent teacher interview, my teacher told my Mum that I got the similar marks as April, as if my Mum wanted to know how April went.

On the train, people turned around because we were laughing so loud and having a conversation that made no sense to anyone else 'cause we abbreviate some words (that we use all the time) e.g. SCG (smart cute guy) and some others so our conversation is all coded.

Sometimes, though, I’m glad that she doesn’t go to my uni because out of all my friends, she’s the one that I’d keep in touch with no matter how far we were, and if she went to my uni, I’d probably end up hanging out with her all the time.

On Wednesday, I found out that the baby-faced guy (that I mentioned before) catches my train. I think he recognised me. He’s not that baby-faced actually. He was quite all right though. I didn’t talk to him though. Did you think I would?!

Today on the train I saw this guy who was so absorbed in a book that he looked really cute. He looked like Rodin’s sculpture “The Thinker” with a book (and clothes). I came up with the following scenario that would be nice if it happened:

I see the guy, reading a book that I want to read but can’t find anywhere. I come up to the guy and say: Oh my gosh! Where did you get that book?!! I’ve been looking for it EVERYWHERE!

The guy: I got it as a present. Would you like to borrow it?

Me: Could I?!

He gives me his phone number so I could call him when I’ll be finished with the book so I could return it. We then meet up so I could give him back the book. We discuss the book and mention another book (that one of us has). So the other one asks to borrow it. So we keep meeting up to discuss books for a while and then decide that we like each other so much that we stop talking about books and talk about other things too.

Yes, this is how I entertain myself on the train. Don’t laugh!

Max messaged me. I don’t know what to do about him. Alice (a girl at Nadine’s family birthday party) said a very smart thing. She said that the most important thing about liking guys is not to obsess over them.

Just had a talk with Mum about getting married. I think she used to go out with a guy like Max. The weird thing was that she wouldn’t tell me how they met. Sound familiar?!!! The guy even proposed to her, but she decided that she couldn’t live with him for the rest of her life, although he was a really nice guy.

I’m going to meet Max soon. I’m serious. I know I’ve been saying it for a while but it’s been a bad time.

I asked Mum if she ever went out with a guy who she knew she had no future with and she said that she did when she had no one at the time. Poor guys!

I’m turning out to be like my Mum. That’s scary!

I was also saying that looks matter and she said that although they do, if you love a person you won’t notice his looks. I can understand that but looks matter before you get to love a guy.

She said how when at her work Christmas party last year, one of her colleagues said that she couldn’t believe that such a good looking woman had a not so good looking husband! My Mum said that the woman is completely stupid. My Dad isn’t even that ugly. It’s just my Mum is really pretty. She’s not like a model but her face is like an actress. I don’t really look like my Mum, unfortunately, although some people say I do. I think I look like my grandma (when she was younger!)

I’m so curious now about how my Mum met that guy who proposed to her. There was no internet then. And she said that she met him herself, i.e. no one introduced them. She must be embarrassed about it, even though so many years went by. I’m so curious now! I think if I married Max (which by the way will never happen), I’d tell my kids how I met him, even though I’m embarrassed about it now.

Anyway, I blabbed on enough for tonight.

Nadine, The Drama Queen

I went to Nadine's birthday (family) party. There's so much to write but I don't feel like it now. Every time something like what happened happens and I go home, I feel really awful and frustrated and annoyed and depressed and I HATE it!!!

Why do I have to be the one who is always there for her when she's never there for me?! She is the most complicated person I know (and probably don't know too). And the biggest drama queen. I just can't deal with it anymore!

And she always makes me think (indirectly) about how I will never find RG and I really don't like her for that. I've been doing a pretty good job not thinking about RG, thanks mainly to April (cos when we talk about it, it's seems ridiculous and we can laugh about it together) and Claudia and Christine because they make me forget about wanting RG because of their distractions with other topics. The three of them were doing a really good job of making me not sad about not having RG.

And then today, Nadine just made me feel terrible about my non-existant RG. She didn't do it intentionally but she did it anyway. She was in a really bad mood and was going off at everyone at the party except me. So we went to her room to talk and she wouldn't tell me anything specific. She'd just said how she has a lot of "friendship, relationship and other problems". Apparently she had a boyfriend for the last 3 months that she obviously hasn't told me about. I hate how after not talking to me for months, she spills all these little hints to what's been going on with her and I'm supposed to be all understanding. Not once did she ask me any questions. She went on about some other things (because she was all emotional and had no one to talk to). She wouldn't have told me if she wasn't depressed or in other circumstances.

Maybe I'm just envious that she had all these relationships when she's this over-emotional self-centred drama queen while I haven't had any. I think that's what makes me so tired of her.

Ok, I think I'm going to sleep now.

Australian Idol - Close To Home

Yesterday, Christine asked us, "Would you be embarrassed if I entered Austrlian Idol?". I couldn't help myself and cracked up laughing. Then I pulled myself together and asked her if she was serious. She was. Poor poor disillusioned Christine.

She can carry a tune but her voice is nothing special. Of course, I didn't say that. I told her that if she does go, then could she please get some singing lessons beforehand or enter a smaller competition to see what it's like. She said that she might get singing lessons.

She also said that she's pretty confident that she might get through. I asked her if she'd be upset if she didn't and she said that depends on whether whoever was chosen was better than her. (So if he/she's better, she wouldn't get upset.) I said that if they chose someone worse, there'd be no point in getting upset because the competition wouldn't be fair.

I think she has seriously thought about it because she was saying how females usually vote for guys and guys don't really vote. She asked if we would vote for her. April said only if she liked how Christine performed. Claudia said that she would. Then Christine said, "Well, at least I have one loyal friend." But then Claudia said in her small innocent voice, "I'll SMS though ICQ cos it's free".

I think we shattered Christine's dreams and any evidence of loyalty that she thought she had.

I told her that I'd watch her, if she got on TV.

I think the reason "Australian Idol" got so many people auditioning was because some of those hopefuls never got told that they are not really that good at singing.