Before The Operation

On one hand, I'm glad my operation is tomorrow so I can have 3 weeks of holidays afterwards (instead of uni) but on the other, this is the time when everyone is going to go out. There's going to be a really good party tomorrow! There hasn't been one for a while and out of all days it has to be tomorrow!!! I know I'm being childish but this is NOT fair!

I haven't told anyone that I'm having my operation tomorrow, the same day as my exam. I hope my uni friends won't realise that I'm not there, otherwise they might get worried. And they won't be able to reach me because it's not like I'd be able to have my mobile with me.

I haven't told my school friends either although I thought about telling them. I just don't see the point. Only Amelia and April know that I'm supposed to have it. They just don't know when.

Nadine doesn't even know I have gallstones. I don't even want to talk to her. Just thinking about her makes me mad. I don't know how I ever tolerated her.

I got a message from Amy to have dinner with the rest of 'the group' next Tuesday. I don't want to go and now I have an excuse. I just don't feel like acting polite and pretending to have always been great friends when we never were. Insincerity makes me sick. I can't stand the whole fakeness of it all.

I don't even know why Amy is organising it. Maybe because she's lonely and wants to pretend that everyone was close friends with each other and because we were their closest friends in high school, which would completely not apply to me, we should keep in contact. My mum thinks that I should stay in touch with them because you never know if I might need these connections later but I'm so over that because the only reason I hung out with them in the fist place is because I thought that by knowing them, I'll meet great new friends (since most of the people in 'the group' are quite outgoing). After I realised that it's never going to happen, I stopped trying to keep in touch with them. I'd much rather just hang out with my close not-so-outgoing real friends. At least they know how to not take everything so seriously sometimes.

Just thinking about my friends makes me miss them. I haven't seen them (apart from Amelia) for a few weeks now. We were supposed to meet up this weekend but April has an exam on Monday so she can't make it, Amelia is working and I will just come home from the hospital so we're not meeting up then. I'll probably see them next week then. Can't wait.

Dream
I've had a new recurring dream lately. I've been dreaming of cats or more specifically kittens. The dream always starts out with me feeling really happy because the kittens are so cute but then I get frusrated at how difficult it is to take care of them. I have no idea what that could possible mean.