Unexpected Emails

Unexpected Emails

You know when you are expecting a certain email and you get excited that your mail account's front page says that you got a new one and then you open it and it's something boring?

And I'm not talking about Max's reply.

I met up with Claudia today and she asked me if I was going to Allison's birthday party next week. I had to say no because I knew nothing about it. When Claudia said that she got the email invite yesterday, I was a bit relieved because I didn't check my mail last night. I mean surely if Claudia (who wasn't even really friends with Allison) was invited, then I definitely would be.

So tonight when I was checking my email and the front page said that I had 1 new one, I thought that if it wasn't from Max, it would definitely be from Allison. So when I opened my inbox, there were 2 new emails. Both from neither of them. I was quite disappointed. I wasn't really expecting such a quick reply from Max but Allison! How could she not invite me when she invited Claudia? It just seems so very strange.

I'm actually more confused than hurt. I mean, Allison and I haven't talked for 2 years so it's not really a surprise that I wasn't invited. I was more surprised why Claudia (who she hasn't talked with for even longer) was. Oh well.

Anyway, Claud and I had a great time. She'll be going overseas as well at the same time as me. She's very excited which I can totally understand.

Too bad, we couldn't catch Amelia today who was at a lecture just for the fun of it. Sure! It was probably a guy that was the reason for her attendance to an Economics lecture! Not something most people would go to if they weren't enroled in it. I bet people who were wouldn't even go!

Email to Max

Email to Max

Length: short
Type: casual
Status: sent

Analysing Adam

Analysing Adam

Here's an online conversation that I had with April yesterday where we talked like boy-crazy 13 year olds and unintentionally created a whole personality for the main singer of Maroon 5. This is an edited version (I got rid of the unnecessary 'lol's and 'hehe's along with some other stuff so it'll be more interesting for you to read).

April: i watched 'harder to breathe' as well. And shock horror, it doesn't have him making out with some girl
me: ok, i found out his name and i'm going to call him adam from now on
A: oh adam huh?
m: yes, adam
A: i don't know any adams so that'll be fine
m: what a nice name
but i think all hot guys have nice names
A: i don't think he's a nice guy though
m: why not?
A: a little obsessed with sex wouldn't u say?
Although he's a guy so i guess that's to be expected
m: i think it's just that he's not very confident so he thinks that the only way he can sell records is if he used his sexuality :P
A: lol! u've twisted things around very nicely in ur mind there!
m: i have :)
A: and most of their songs relate to sex in some way
m: at least it's not as obvious as JC's (from nsync) new song
A: don't know it
m: well, he has to express himself in some way and singing is his outlet
A: yeah i'd prefer if he weren't so obsessed but u can't have everything i suppose
m: i think i'd be able to tolerate it, especially if he could sing so well and be so hot
A: i like the melodies, and since i've seen worse video clips, i can forgive him for now
m: yeah, i think their tunes are very original cos they're a mix of different genres
A: yeah that's what i thought when i heard 'this love' actually
m: i love that melody
A: and of course he looks very hot in the clip
m: yes, he does but i try not to be biased
A: lol
m: 'if u only knew' is soooo sweet
A: i like 'must get out' although i don't know if i said that already
m: don't remember
but i love it too
i love everything
A: "i've had you so many times but somehow i want more"
i don't like that line
m: hehe. it's not that bad. i've heard worse
A: well of course, but still...
m: there's "Your just innocent
A helpless victim of a spider's web
And I'm an insect
Goin after anything that I can get"
i think that's worse, but it also depends on how u interpret it
A: really i think the other one's worse
although i see what u mean
m: i think the other could be about him being SOO in love with the girl that he can't get enough
A: yeah the first one's okay if the girl wants to sleep with him too
otherwise it's a bit iffy
m: what makes u think she doesn't?
A: i don't know
all i can say is poor jane
m: did u hear 'secret'?
A: yup
m: i didn't even realise what it was about at first
i thought it was a nice driving song
A: i thought that about sunday morning :)
m: but sunday morning doesn't have any secret meaning
that i've noticed....
A: omg, i just read the lyrics to 'secret'. i totally missed that before too
m: lol
now u know
A: i see what u mean now
he's more obsessed with sex than i first thought!
m: but he tried to hide it
A: i don't think Australia will ever show the clip for that (if it's released)
m: i can just imagine it being about them making out in a car
A: it'd be like 'oh turn down the air con, i have beads of sweat'
m: i can imagine him overlooking the auditions
A: so can i! he probably got in a band just to sleep with models! the music is a happy coincidence...
m: he's just lucky he can write music
A: well i'm sure it comes easily :P
a subject so close to his heart
oh and do u see a pattern?
more girls in every succeeding video clip...
m: but do u find it that it's easier to accept a hot guy who writes good melodies obsess about it, rather than a not attractive guy
A: i don't know, which not hot guys have done that?
m: JC
no offense to him
A: lol
i wonder how many girls have dumped adam? (despite his hotness)
or maybe it was just one, 'jane'
m: they couldn't keep up :P
A: he's obviously suffered in some relationship
m: maybe since jane is such a plain name, he used it to call all his ex gfs
A: all the ones that used him for sex? :P
i'm sorry, i'm so mean to poor adam
m: so r u saying he had all those gfs that just wanted sex and this is his way to assert his masculinity?
A: well i'm confused, cos some songs are about how he wants to sleep with some woman, where as others are about how his sex wasn't good enough
m: like which ones?
no wonder he's hurting 2 girls in "she will be loved"
A: hold on, i'll find the one i was thinking of
m: "The rhythm of her conversation
The perfection of her creation
The sex she slipped into my coffee
The way she felt when she first saw me
Hate to love and love to hate her"
obviously a girl has used him
A: oh that was one!
m: seduced him and dropped him
A: but theres' something else
m: hmm, i see his lack of power now in "if u only knew"
even though it's under a disguise of a sweet song
"I wake up
Thoughts of you
Tattooed to my mind
As I wonder
What to wear
What to eat
Who to be
Will I see you again"
obsessed much?
he even cares about what he eats!
A: shiver's a bit like that too
'you chew me up and spit me out'
omg, i can't find it, but there was one where he said something about he tried, but it wasn't good enough
m: "Immobilized by the thought of you
Paralyzed by the sight of you
Hypnotized by the words you say
Not true but I believe anyway"
A: hehe poor old adam
m: very strong lyrics there
A: what have these women done to him?
have i changed ur view of their lyrics now?
m: yes, i never analysed them so much
A: "And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all"
he's such a girl! waiting for phone calls
m: and so he has to try to make up for his insecurity by songs like tangled
A: his whole life chronicled in songs
m: i know
i love when singers sing about personal things
A: although in this case, too much info i think
m: no, it isn't, let poor adam get it out the only way he knows how
A: i think that he wasn't famous enough (or brave enough) to get models in harder to breathe
hehe
m: u r probably right
A: but after that he thought, better go all the way and have a sex scene in this love
m: but at least he showed that he's not just some hot object, he is a real person too with feelings
A: lol
he's just a big teddy bear isn't he?
i have this vision of him sitting there crying and writing these songs
m: and then he thought "well the best thing about the clip was the girl, better have 2 this time.
i can imagine him a bit schizo so one moment he's crying about his gf that he wasn't good enough for in bed, and then trying to make up for it by writing something about using innocent girls
A: 'next time it's gonna be threesome and then we'll see who's laughing'
m: and did u notice anything else?
A: what?
m: the other band members weren't even there in the latest clip
A: they were in some scenes
but all they do is play instruments
m: he's probably having "i'm the main singer" complex
A: he's probably thinking 'i don't want the girls to leave me for other guys like before i was famous'
m: hehe
A: oh adam...so troubled
m: which makes me love him even more
A: i still can't get over his schizophrenia
m: me neither
A: it's like 'oh i'm such a loser...no i'm not! i rule!'
m: lol!!!
A: 'i can get any girl i want...but what if she leaves me?'
m: "she can be such a slut............but so can i!"
A: can u imagine him being really innocent and wanting to settle down with a family before he was ruined?
m: he can be one of those tragic singers who can't get a wife and drinks and writes sad songs or angry ones
A: i can imagine him with a bottle of whiskey, tears streaming down his face in a dark motel room writing lyrics
that's probably when he wrote 'through with you'
m: did u read the lyrics for 'Myself'?
A: wow he's in such denial, at one point it's like 'oh i need you so bad' and then it's 'i feel fine'
m: i know!! i can so relate
A: poor poor adam
it's all a front
m: don't u feel like u already know him?

Reminders of High School

Reminders of High School

I saw Kelly today at uni who told me that she saw Nadine (who she only met once at my 12th birthday party). Nadine, of course, didn’t recognise her. When she mentioned that party, I realised how long ago that was and was reminded of my high school years.

I didn’t only hang out with April, Amelia, Christine and Claudia. I had another group of friends (from year 7, way before I even knew those four). Kelly and I weren’t close but we talked a lot. I had some of the best conversations with her and today I realised how much I actually missed them now. How much I missed gossiping with Kelly and how much I missed hanging out with Allison. There were so many people I talked to that I don’t even see anymore. I never really cared until today because it’s not like were such close friends that I could tell them anything, but we had some really fun times. That other group of friends was a LOT more outgoing and I miss that. I guess the reason I don’t really keep in touch with them is because I never felt like I totally fitted in with them, the way I fit in with April, Amelia, Claudia and Christine.

Puzzling Video Clip

Puzzling Video Clip

Has anyone seen Maroon 5's video clip for "She Will Be Loved"? If you have, do you know what it's supposed to be about? Why does the main singer make out with 2 girls? Which one is the one he's supposed to love? I really like the song but I just don't get what the video clip is about. Can anyone explain?

I don't usually think about video clips but this one has been quite a puzzle.

(And the main singer is hot, but that's beside the point.)

Too Much Free Time For My Mind

Too Much Free Time For My Mind

As I think I've mentioned, I wrote Max an email a while ago but didn't send it. Since then it's been edited more times than I'd like to count. I was waiting until the time I'd really want to send it. I thought today was that time. I opened my email account but then all of a sudden, I got this feeling in my stomach that I just couldn't do it. Didn't want to do it. He didn't deserve it. And neither did I. Why bring up stuff that is best left behind. This is like grasping for straws that are not even there.

As soon as I decided that today wasn't the day and closed my email account, the urge to send it came back again. What have I got to lose.

If I'm going to romanticise about my new notion of being a free spirit and doing whatever I want without thinking too much about the future, this won't hurt, right?

Or is this just sinking too desperately low?

I guess I'm putting off emailing him 'cause I want him to email me. Like last time.

If I don't send it to him, nothing will change, but if I do, at least I have a chance of maybe something interesting happening.

I still can't decide whether I should write him a short casual email or a longer one that's more honest about how I feel about the whole situation. What would get his attention? What would generate the best outcome?

Those are the questions that I can't make up my mind about.

Want of Guy Attention Causes Selective Amnesia

Want of Guy Attention Causes Selective Amnesia

Fabian said something that made me feel quite special (not that he meant it or anything but still). And I completely forgot all the annoying things he did that made me want to stay as far as possible from him. So I went through the archives to remind myself.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Ok, now that I remembered, I'd rather forget all about him.

Going Out With Nadine

Going Out With Nadine

It was Nadine's birthday yesterday so I got a message from her today about going out tomorrow night. Don't think I will because:
1. I didn't get her a present since I didn't think I'd be seeing her.
2. Don't really want to get stalked by weirdos that she attracts when she's drunk and singing on top of her lungs at 3am in the morning. (Refer to this entry.)

It could be fun and all but I don't know...

Invasion of Privacy

Invasion of Privacy

I had the WORST nightmare today!!!

My parents read all my diaries, including this one and basically read everything in my computer folders and found out about Max!! And they weren't even sorry. And all I could remember was April telling me how she puts passwords on everything 'cause her parents would read her stuff otherwise and I was telling her that not only do my parents don't have the time to do that but they respect my privacy (especially my Dad).

I felt totally embarrassed and was the most frustrated and angry with my parents that I've ever been. It was a horrible feeling. I was so glad to wake up!

Life Romance

Life Romance

I'm sooooo happy. And for absolutely no reason at all. If anything, I shouldn't be in a good mood. I had a toothache for all of the weekend and had to go to the dentist who told me I have two wisdom teeth growing (which will be painful for a quite a while) and I had to get a filling. Due to this toothache, I didn't do any uni work.

I think it's the warm weather. Even though I'm a big fan of winter, the feeling of spring always warms me up. Or it could be the haircut that I got. It makes me look so good that at one point I thought, "Ha ha! to all the guys who are not going out with me" which I admit is pretty vain and childish but it felt good.

And after reading 'Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination', I've realised that I've been romanticising the notion of getting married and having kids young too much which made me so upset that I didn't have that. Now I found a better notion to romanticise about - being a free spirit and enjoying different adventures in life that I wouldn't be able to enjoy if I was married with kids. Like travelling. And being only responsible for myself. This is somthing that I can accomplish and can still think as my life not being wasted.

I'm not saying that I will never whine about not having a boyfriend again, but hopefully I'll remind myself of how I feel today and get over my obsession quicker.

Olivia Joules's Rules For Living

Olivia Joules's Rules For Living

"Never panic. Stop, breathe, think."

Ok, I can totally agree with this one.

"No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you."

That's a nice thought but not always true because I think about other people all the time and if they do something embarrassing or stupid and think that everyone has forgotten about it, they can be sure that I, most likely, haven't.

"Never change haircut or colour before an important event."

Doesn't apply to me because I like my hair colour and never want to change it. And it's very hard to go wrong when getting a straight hair trim.

"Nothing is either as bad or as good as it seems."

I thought about this one for a quite a while because that seemed like an interesting observation on life. But then I thought of the September 11 attacks and those people stuck in those buildings. And it really was as bad as it seemed. If not worse. Therefore this rule is not practical.

"Do as you would be done by, e.g., thou shalt not kill."

Well, duh!

"It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like"

What is even better is to buy lots of cheap things that you really like. Of course, not in one go (because that's quite impossible).

"Hardly anything matters: if you get upset, ask yourself, "Does it really matter?"

Does it really matter that I will never get married and never find my perfect job? (I guess not in the long run of human civilisation.)

"The key to success is how you pick yourself up from failure."

The only thing I remember failing was my year 11 half yearly Maths test. I came in the top 6% of my state for uni entrance Maths exam. But then there's my failure of finding my RG and I haven't picked myself up from that...

"Be honest and kind".

I try. Although honesty is not always the best thing in some circumstances. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself.

"Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance".

Interesting thought, although that would limit my choice of clothes.

"Trust your instincts, not your imagination."

That's a very blurred line for me.

"When overwhelmed by disaster, check if it's really a disaster by doing the following:
a) think, "Oh, fuck it,"
b) look on the bright side and, if that doesn't work, look on the funny side.
If neither of the above works then maybe it is a disaster so turn to items 1 and 5.

If I can't think of a bright or funny side to me not having a boyfriend, does that mean it's a disaster? Although.... April and I used to laugh about it quite often...

"Don't expect the world to be safe or life to be fair."

I don't.

"Sometimes you have to go with the flow."

This can either lead to adventure or disappointment.

"Don't regret anything. Remember there wasn't anything else that culd have happened, given who you were and the state of the world at that moment. The only thing you can change is the present, so learn from the past."

Very wise. Although that's an insinuation that everyone has a fate and you can't do anything to change your destiny. And that's quite depressing (unless I get happily married with a great job and lovely kids very soon, in which case, fate can continue doing its job).

Are there any rules you live by?

Popularity and Attraction

Popularity and Attraction

There is the type of people who want to go out with the hot popular guy/girl and then there’s someone like me who goes for the underdog. I’d much rather go out with a guy who no one wants. I want to be the only one who would see how special that person is.

April once said, “Wouldn’t it be great if he could go out with any girl but he chooses you?” and I had to disagree. I don’t want to feel lucky to be ‘chosen’. It seems kinda demeaning to me.

BA

BA

My name is Sky and I'm a bookaholic.

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem so here I am publicly doing so.

I'm not exactly sure when it started. There is a high possibility that I was born with this addiction.

I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I used to be quite proud of it. The fact that my parents used to tell me to stop reading so much should've raised alarm bells that not all was right. (I mean how many parents tell their kids to read less? My point exactly.)

So what changed? What was the breaking point that made me realise this love of books wasn't healthy? What brought me here to the Bookaholic (not so) Anonymous?

Well... today after uni, I decided to go to the library and get some new books to read. I browsed all the shelves grabbing ones that had an appealing cover, interesting blurb and engaging first few paragraphs. Slowly the books piled up so that they started to dig into my arm. But did that make me stop and head for the checkout? Of course it didn't. I wasn't leaving until I looked at every shelf that appealed to me (thankfully, today most of the reference/non-fiction weren't included in that).

So while I'm perusing every book, some man comes up to me and just stands there looking at me. So I turned to see what he wanted. This man smiled and asked, "Are you Andrew's sister?" so I said, "No". Who the hell was Andrew? And then I thought, "It's pretty cool that I'm mistaken for someone else. That never happens 'cause everyone seems to remember me". And he looked perplexed and asked, "Are you sure?" and then it dawned on me. I have a brother; his name is Andrew. I could not believe that I forgotten that 'cause I was so involved in my search for books.

So then I said very embarrassed, "Oh yeah! Sorry, I wasn't thinking." He smiled and I was totally racking my brain who this man could be. One of my brother's teachers? His friend's parent? Then I said in a stuttering manner, "Sorry... I don't... I don't recogise you... Who... who are... who are you?" and he wouldn't answer, he was just smiling which started to annoy me. And then he said, "I saw you when you walked in and you looked very familiar." And then it kinda freaked me out because at that point I was at the library for almost 2 hours. I didn't like the idea that he saw me here for that long and didn't say anything. It was kinda stalkerish in a way.

When he said, "I forgot your name." I remembered who he was. He was my (and my brother's) driving instructor! After I realised this, he asked me how I was doing and I asked him if he was still teaching people to drive. He said yes and then I hoped he would go because I had nothing else to say to him. He read my mind and said that he had to leave. So I said bye and decided to leave too but since he was waiting to get his books checked-out and I didn't want to wait with him, I went and got myself some more books. I literally had to tell myself to put one of the books down and slowly step away before anyone (me, specifically) got hurt. My arm was already aching.

So after I got my books checked out, I had to rearrange the contents of my uni bag so they would all fit. Isn't an addiction something that you have to rearrange your life around? And my uni bag was definitely a part of my life. And a quite useful one at that.

Hopefully, my 'coming out' will encourage others to seek help and join BA. Bookaholics (also referred to as 'nerds' by the Bookhaters Association) are everywhere so know that you're not alone. Even the government recognises us and gets tax payers money to support our addiction by building book institutions, also known as libraries. As an individual, we are just someone with not enough books, but together we are...

I don't know how to finish that sentence so I'm just going to go and read my newly borrowed books.

The Beginning of My Career

The Beginning of My Career

Yesterday I saw my first professional work in print. I was too excited for words. The logo that I've done for my parents' friends' business was printed on their business cards and given out to LOTS of people (including an Australian Ambassador). I know it's just a business card to everyone but to me that was the first record of my future career. And the logo looks pretty cool, even if I do say so myself. I just wish I could redesign the actual card...

Browser Differences

Browser Differences

For some weird reason I can’t post comments from Internet Explorer so I tried Netscape. My blog looks so different in it, I was quite surprised. The text looks smaller and some entries have different font. I wonder how it looks in other browsers…

Baby Love

Baby Love

Today Olivia came over with Allie (my one year old cousin). I, of course, had to look after her while Olivia talked with my Mum.

As all my relatives know, I’m the unofficial family baby-sitter. My brother used to help out before he had to study. (He's really great with kids.) I don’t mind though, I love playing with her. She’s very calm, unlike my other cousin (Jenna).

It was amazing how much throwing a pillow accompanied by a gurgly noise made her laugh. I love seeing babies laugh, it’s the most adorable thing. And after I told her not to throw toys at people because it hurt, she would take a toy, pretend to throw it at herself and shake her head, saying “No”. It was sooo cute.

Oh, and I also taught her the colours white, red and blue. I thought she was a bit too young for that since she can’t even talk but she actually learnt the difference. She was also trying to say stuff but it was all a mass of gibberish but it was cute watching her try to tell me some story.

Nostalgia

Nostalgia

Am I the only one who couldn't care less about Olympics? Sport seems to be a national obsession here in Australia. I have other more interesting things to obsess about. And no, I'm not talking about guys. Yes, really I'm not.

I have a new obsession. It's called cooking. Cooking dessert specifically. And to be even more specific, POBian dessert. I've recently realised how much I love POBian food so I've been browsing POBian cookbooks and recipe sites. The thing I love most about POBian recipes is how I don't have to go and buy any special ingredients. POBian dishes use very basic ingredients so it's easy to make something without going shopping.

It's kinda therapeutic because it takes my mind off things and my family isn't complaining. So it all works out.

I've been feeling a bit nostalgic about POB lately. It's not that I want to go back but I have some affinity to the country. Apparently, Elaine (who's back there now) loved her time in Australia so much that she wants to come back soon. When she was here, I got the feeling that she wanted to go back. I hope I made a contribution to her enjoyable stay when I took her out with my friends.
The last few POBian people that I met I felt like I could connect with them a lot sooner than with other people. Although I didn't really believe this when I was younger but having a similar background with another person makes me feel closer to them. With POBian people, the best side of me comes out. I feel like I totally belong. Even with my closest friends I feel like something's missing. I can't put my finger on it but it just feels that not everything is right. It's hard to explain. I don't have the COMPLETE content feeling. Even though it does feel complete, I know it isn't in comparison to how I feel with POBian people.

I haven't felt like this since I was about 13 and started to miss it. Then my family went there for a holiday and I stopped missing it. And now, that feeling is coming back again.

Chat With Fabian

Chat With Fabian

Does anyone remember Fabian? Well, had a chat with him today. He came to Lauren and me and asked us what we were talking about. So I sarcastically said “You” because what else could we possibly have to talk about. I started getting worried when he started asking us if we missed him but the conversation somehow got back to boring uni stuff so it was ok.

Influences

Influences

I'm so influenced by people, it's getting annoying. Like take, for instance, when we had to write a bit about ourselves. The first thing I did was look at what other people from the previous class wrote and did something very similar. This backfired because my class wrote a completely different thing which made me want to change mine.

Or when writing in shared birthday cards. I always take a little from what is already written and combine them into my message.

It's weird that I get so influenced by little things but will not budge with bigger things that I feel strongly about (eg. no amount of peer pressure will convince me to smoke/do drugs/ believe in God).

Some Pondering

Some Pondering

Finally, I can write an entry that's not rushed like the few previous ones. Now I have time to ponder the deep things in life. Like, what makes someone a good blog writer?

Is it the ability to articulate oneself in interesting ways? A personality? To come up with intelligent and thought provoking ideas? An acute observation of life?

It's probably all of those (and maybe more - there's a limit to how many rhetorical questions I can ask right now).

What brought on this thought? (Oops, I guess I can write more after all.) We've had an interesting discussion of blogs in one of my tutorials today. I was surprised at how many people read them. It's weird to think that someone in my class might've come across this. Don't want to go on a tangent here but I will 'cause I have to mention that a while ago I met a person who read my blog at one point. That person didn't know that I was the author of this blog but I knew that they read it. It's weird to think that I might've also spoken to someone who has a blog and didn't even know it.

Anyway, back to the tutorial discussion. People were saying how polluted the internet was with boring blogs. I don't know why but I took some offence to that as if the person was talking about my blog. Although I do agree that the internet has a lot of rubbish but I really don't think that blogs contribute to that. If you don't like reading a blog, then don't read it. It's that simple. And bloggers usually have some personal attachment to their blogs because it's a record of their thoughts/lives/feelings so saying that someone's thoughts/feelings are polluting the internet is a bit harsh.

I think blogging is a great way to let everyone (who has access to the internet) speak out their opinions and views and reach such a wide audience. And it's also great (really can't think of relevant synonyms to this adjective) to be able to read ordinary people's thoughts on life and other topics. The anonymity of the internet allows people to share their inner-most feelings with us, an opportunity that otherwise we would never have had.

Ok, enough pondering from me. What do you think?

Unexpected Reunions

Unexpected Reunions

I bumped into a lot of people that I haven't seen in ages. Well, they bumped into me 'cause I was walking completely oblivious to anything going on around me.

The first bumpee was Beth. She was a wearing a cotton pale flower tunic (not unlike the one that Homer wore in the episode where he gained weight in order to work from home). Was a bit shocked to see her in it, since her style was always sporty. We hugged, asked how the other one was and left. It was weird.

In my class, there was Silvia (which I knew from last week but I forgot to write about it). Silvia seems to have changed from our high school years. Even though she still has her unique wit, she seems a lot more easy-going and social.

After the class I went to the library to research and had the nicest time. I'm being serious here. This was the first time of my uni life where I had to write a proper essay that involved proper library research. Yes, it's true. I felt like I was truly a part of uni life now. There I saw Kirsten. We didn't really talk.

After 2 hours of library research, I went home. At the train station, while I was sitting on the bench waiting for my train, someone came up to my bench and sat very close to me. I turned my head to see Fran. She's a friend of the girl who got married and had a baby last week. We had a nice chat about how you don't need a uni degree to be happy. And finally someone agrees with me about having kids in early 20s. Fran told me how happy her married friend was. And I felt like crying. How much I wish to be in that girl's shoes (but with a uni education 'cause to me it's important).

Award Ceremony. Guilt. The Grumpy Period.

Award Ceremony. Guilt. The Grumpy Period.

I went to April's house yesterday. Going clubbing with Claudia didn't work out. Long story (which involves Christine being sneaky). Claudia got upset that I wasn't coming because she didn't want to go just with Christine and her friends. Knew exactly how she felt and therefore felt extremely guilty for canceling on her. Promised to go with her next week.

April and I pretended to have an awards ceremony, giving out stupid awards such as "The Most Trivial Conversation With A Guy That We Made A Big Deal Out Of" and we pretended to be different famous (and not famous) personalities. It was a lot of childish fun. We both felt drunk and couldn't stop laughing.

If only she preferred to go out and actually engage in the world than living in her thoughts, then we could have even more fun. She's a fun person to be around with when there aren't people we don't know. If only she was just as fun to go out with. Oh well, everyone's different. Like, Andy would say, "She can't help it, it's just her personality".

Speaking of Andrew, I haven't spoken properly with him for ages. I got mad at him because he made me late for work and blamed it on the traffic. But then my Mum told me that it was because he changed his music lesson. So I got annoyed that he didn't tell me and 'cause he changed it in the first place and made me 20 minutes late twice in a row.

So he got mad at me for being mad at him. Which is stupid. After I got over this, I tried to talk to him but he was always being grumpy. I think it's because it's his final year of high school and he has to study for exams. I remember being grumpy then too and snapping at everyone. So I just leave him alone now. I'm sure it'll blow over soon.

Lecturer Encourages Leaving Things Till The Last Minute

Lecturer Encourages Leaving Things Till The Last Minute

Today, I had a strong urge to organise everything. My room, my uni work... (I feel like I should add more to this list, but if I do, it'd be lies).

I planned what I should do and when, in order to finish all my assignments not only on time, but early. At first I expected this motivation to last until I would actually have to do the work. Sure, writing the timetable might be fun, but sticking to it is another matter.

However, today I've actually done everything that I wanted to and it felt great to have an assignment finished, a number of days before it's due.

But then I get an email from a girl from my class, quoting the lecturer's reply to her question and he basically changed the assignment. Not totally, but enough to make me feel like I should redo it.

So I wasted all of today doing something that wasn't how he wanted it. That is so frustraing. I feel like leaving it the way it is by making plausible reasons how what I did still fits what he said. He said he 'preferred' not to have people do it the way I did it, and we all know when a lecturer says the word 'prefer', everyone would do it that way.

Venting

Venting

It's funny how when I write something about me not having a boyfriend, I get more comments than usual. It better not be out of pity!

You know how when you talk to someone constantly, some things about that person start to irritate you? Well, yesterday I started to get a bit irritated at April. I started to feel that she pulled me down. Not as in "putting me down" but making me feel as if going out and meeting new people was pointless. That started to irk me because I really like meeting new people and going out, and I don't think it's pointless at all. Sure, I also sometimes like to stay in and just hang out with people that I already know but it's nice to have some change in my environment. And it was her attitude that started to annoy me. It's like she doesn't want to even try to have a good time. And that's what I think got to me the most.

Had a really good conversation with Lauren and Sally today. It was a nice change to my conversation with April yesterday. It turned out that Sally met her boyfriend in a chatroom. Deep inside, I suspected it because she is so quiet and I just could never imagine how she could meet her boyfriend in other circumstances. She's quite interesting to talk to though. And funny. I find it very easy to become friends with people who seem very quiet at first but have strong personalities.

When she told me how she met her boyfriend, I reacted in exactly the way that I would hate people to react if I told them that I met my boyfriend on the net. Lauren didn't even bat an eyelash which I thought was pretty cool. Meeting people online doesn't seem as taboo as I think it is. If I met Max when I was 16/17, I would've probably had a boyfriend by now. Oh well.

April's and My New Blog

April's and My New Blog

April and I started an online journal about our guy problems. Don't bother looking for it 'cause it's private and you won't be able to see it. We decided that we might make it public later, to see if there was anyone else like us (which I know there aren't, judging by this blog).

It's fun to have it though and that's all that matters. And the comments become like our online conversations. There was already about 10 comments for one entry and there's only two of us reading it. That's more than I get for this blog.

I guess there'll be less complaining about not having a boyfriend in this blog then.