The Lovely Little Things

You know that question about whether you see the small or the big picture? Well, that always confused me. Why did everyone only had to pick one? Were they mutually exclusive? I always felt like I could see both. I paid attention to the details and yet knew when they were not important.

The more I thought about it, the more I leaned to being the 'big picture' person. Being single can do that to you. You start seeing that most things aren't really important in the long-term. It really isn't important if you miss your bus and come late to class. It really isn't that important if you fail one exam. Time always manages to fix those problems and they become things of the past.

So yesterday something small happened that made me so giddy with happiness. I was having dinner with David's family and step-sister. He was sitting opposite me. His parents and step-sister were involved in a busy conversation. They were talking excitedly while David and I were quiet. Then we looked at each other and just had a moment. It sounds kinda pointless writing it here but it's hard to describe that feeling of complete connection like at that moment we were thinking the exact same thing, and we both knew it without saying a word. I will refrain myself from mushy descriptions of his dreamy eyes and smile.

That little incident (and I'm not being melodramatic about it) made me think that little things are important too because it's the little seemingly insignificant things that make up the big important picture.

Famously Married

Celebrity mariages are an interesting phenomena. They start off in glamour and full of hope but usually end up in bitterness and loss.

Are they really the same as normal relationships, just in the spotlight? Is it this public attention that puts more strain on these couples?

The romantic part of me wants for all of them to work out. Like take for example, Nick and Jessica. I loved watching the show. Because even though you saw them arguing, it was comforting to believe that deep down they were deeply in love and these little problems were just a part of being human and not perfect. The fact that they were married gave (the romantic) me a sense of certainty that no matter what, they'll be together. They seemed so suited too.

It's sad that being married doesn't mean any sort of committment.

Plus it annoys me when young couples break up and add to the statistics that people marrying early don't stay together.

Not Believing in Santa Clause

So glad it's Friday again.

Just read an absoultely fantastic post about being an atheist and also this one. Made me question again whether a relationship can work long-term with a difference in religious belief. The guy who wrote the post has articulated so well all my thoughts that I can't bring up in a heated discussion because my mind goes blank.

Some things that stood out for me:

1. Religious people's arguments are as ridiculous as saying you can have square circles. It's like arguing with a toddler.

2. People who believe in God are delusional.

3. Just because the idea of a God is nice, doesn't mean it's true.

I wonder if David would break up/get really annoyed with me if I send this post to him...

Randong recurring thought: is there a more suitable guy for me than David, and if there is will I ever meet him?

After Work

Here are the thoughts that are running through my brain:

1. I'm sick of Renee's superior attitude. I try not to let it bug me but it does. She's so not worth it.

2. I love David. Can't believe he didn't notice I had hair on my arms until yesterday. When he noted this, I got really embarrassed and wouldn't let him look at my arms. And he was like, "Come on, don't be like that. I'd like you even if you had a moustache". How could I not love him?

3. I don't freaking want to wear a suit tomorrow and go to the conference so early in the morning. And have to sell our products. I'm not the freaking sales person.

4. Can't wait to catch up with April.

5. Can't wait to see David.

6. Need to go to sleep.

Impress Me

David impressed me today. I knew he was never the type of person to plan everything ahead of time and do research, like me. So when I asked him to find the best tour for us when we go on our little trip (even though I've already looked at which ones exist), I didn't expect him to find anything I haven't seen already. So I was very surprised that he found some that I never saw and ones that had a lot of value. This might sound really silly to most people but it's little things like that that make me fall in love with him.

I guess I underestimate him sometimes. Honestly, I didn't think he'd even look into it. Gosh, wish I could give him a hug now.

I decided to distance myself from my job. No more investing so much excitement into it. Not going to take anything there personally. I'm going to think of it as just something to do during the day. Work isn't the place to make friends (like school or uni). I hate how fake I have to be and how they're trying to make me act. But it's ok, I will think of it as a game. Nothing more. I'm starting to get worried about lasting through my trial period. I think I will break down if I don't. My goal is to work there for at least a year. It's my new challenge. I thought it was going to be easier. I must not let them make me feel small.

Keep forgetting to email the girls from my last temp job. I miss them. There are two girls my age at this company who are pretty cool so I just chat with them. One of them will be leaving next year which is kinda sad 'cause it's not as much fun with just one. The one who's staying offered me to move in to her shared house 'cause it's so close to work and they have a spare room. Although waking up an hour before I have to be at work is very tempting, I don't think I'd be comfortable living with strangers.

I'm only moving out with David. I remember April and I made a pact that we were going to move out when we are 25 if we're both still single so we don't feel so pathetic living with our parents, but I guess that's not going to be happening anymore.

It's only Monday but I'm looking forward to the weekend already.

Together Forever

Had such a beautiful weekend that I'm not looking forward to dealing with people at work tomorrow in the slightest.

Spent so much time with David in the last few days and I already miss him. All I want is to be able to see him every day. He always manages to ease my mind. Work problems were forgotten for the last few days thanks to him.

Went to the doctor yesterday to get my blood test results and they said I have glandular fever, which is really great of course. My body has become so weak, it's ridiculous. But it's ok, I'm feeling much better today. David was so sweet, he kept worrying about me and made me take a jacket with me today (which is such a Mum thing to do but it made me happy because it showed that he cared). And yesterday he wouldn't go for a walk with me at night because it was so windy and he didn't want me to get worse.

He came over last night and we watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban because I didn't get to see it when it was in the cinemas. I always have trouble concentrating on watching films when David is right next to me. Fortunately, I managed to pay enough attention to enjoy it. The film looked great but it was still not as good as the book. Plus, it didn't help knowing what was going to happen. It was like looking at the pictures after reading the book.

Afterwards caught a bit of Now and Then. I used to love that movie when I was young so it was kinda odd watching it with David who actually didn't mind it as much as I thought he would. It made me remember my years with Nadine when we were really close and we'd imagine what our lives would be like and when we made the typical kid pacts that we'd stay friends forever. All our sleepovers when we'd talk all through the night. I said to David, "It's like we're having a sleepover". I have to say that I enjoyed being with him more than I enjoyed being with anyone else. No one ever made me feel the way he does.

He stayed over and today we went into the city to a street festival. We walked around the stalls, had more food than we should've and talked about many things. I was telling him how now that I had a full-time job, I was starting to think about moving out and being an independent adult. He said it was best to wait now and save up some money and move out when he could too. He started talking about buying property together. I said, "That would be a pretty serious step" and he said, "Well, we're pretty serious". I said, "We are?" and he replied, "Not many couples talk make plans for the future like we do." I don't know about other couples but I know that we discuss the future a lot. Sometimes we talk like it's inevitable that we'll be together forever and it's just a matter of time. The weird thing is that it doesn't even scare me, but gives me a sense of security. Like, I don't have to worry about the future because David will be in it with me. Right now I would like nothing more than to see him every day after I come home.

We still have disagreements but somehow they end up being swept under everything else. Not sure if that's a good idea. When we were watching "Now and Then" and one character gets her first kiss, he jokingly asked me, "So how was your first kiss?" That made me so uncomfortable because he knows my one was with him. I know he didn't mean anything by his question but I felt really pathetic. Made me wonder what it'd be like to go out with other guys. Not for long though 'cause I'd never forgive myself for leaving David just to see what others guys were like. (Like I'd meet anyone I like, anyway!) I don't know what it is but he has something extra that really pulls me towards him. I just always want to be around him.

Never Forever

I knew my perfect little world couldn't last forever. I'm not in that shell of contentment that I've been in for the previous two weeks anymore.

Things at work have taken a turn for the worse. Renee took me outside for a 'chat' to give me some 'feedback'.

First she had the nerve to ask if I didn't come to work because I wasn't liking it. How could she forget that she was the one to tell me to go home?

Then, she said I was strong-headed and argumentative. I almost felt like laughing, if only it wasn't so sad.

When I asked her to give me an example (because I never argued with anyone at work that I was aware of), she told me of one event when I clarified the reason for what she asked me to do (since it was completely unnecessary). I tried to defend myself by saying that I only asked her to get more information so I was able to deal with the task better. And she said, "See! You're arguing again!"

I swear I felt like I was a school student talking to a power-hungry teacher who wouldn't let me say a word without it being construed as arguing.

Then she kept going on about how everyone at the office had more experience than me and that I shouldn't do some of the work that I've been doing because we had other people to do it. (Let's just forget for a moment that these 'other people', which really referred to only one specific person, couldn't do her job properly even with all her experience). I was told I should work better in a team and not try to take control of everything.

All I've been doing is helping everyone. I haven't controlled anything. I've done all the things people have asked me to.

Then, she told me I didn't talk on the phone properly, which had to be a complete joke. I was always under the impression that I sounded good on the phone since I only ever got anywhere if I called and I've had people say I sound good on the phone. I'm sure they wouldn't say it for no reason. All the temp jobs were fine with how I answered the phone.

She said she had 'received' feedback that I was too abrupt with people. So I need 'reception training'. Did they forget I don't even care about being a receptionist and it's supposed to be only temporary? She told me to say things she never does when she's on the phone which I find very hypocritical.

Anyway, had this 'reception training' which was a big waste of time. The woman who did it with me made me call up 10 businesses to hear what they say. Then she asked which ones I wouldn't feel comfortable calling again. Seriously, if I was after something, I wouldn't not call a company just because the receptionist didn't have the 'right inflexion in her voice'. How sensitive do you have to be?! Not like any of them were rude or anything. This woman totally criticised one receptionist who had a different intonation because of her accent. She said it was very unprofessional. I guess she hasn't watched SBS news where the newsreaders have accents and no one cares.

What annoyed me even more was how Renee and this woman got everyone involved and now have everyone checking me every time I answer the phone, which makes me really self-conscious and I stop sounding natural.

I was really upset about it yesterday but thanks to Mum and David I feel much better. They both think Renee just wants to feel like she has more power and this is her way of showing it. Mum said people who are busy don't waste time on these things. She obviously doesn't have enough work to do. I asked my Dad (who works in a small company of mainly men) about his company's new receptionist and if anyone criticises her and he said, "We don't criticise. We have better things to do. Last time I walked by her desk, she was doing uni work and no one said a word," and Mum said it's more of a woman thing to create these sorts of problems.

Being able to get too analytical about things (which I actually haven't done in a while), I started thinking maybe Renee was right and I didn't talk on the phone properly, although she's definitely not right about me being argumentative. There is no way that could be said. Anyway, I decided to just think of it as her issue of power (since she's under the impression that without her the business would collapse) that's got nothing to do with me. And from now on, I won't even question her about any stupid thing she asks me to do. I'll just do it. I'll follow through all the 'reception training' techniques, no matter how dumb they are. I'll wait it out until I get to do more marketing work and leave the admin behind to someone else.

Must remind myself that her highest education is doing an Excel course which makes her think she knows everything about computers. She wouldn't even let me change my own account name because she thought only the 'administator' (i.e. her) could do it. So when she was doing it, she kept saying, "Don't look!" which was so ridiculous 'cause I didn't have to look to know what she was doing.

This all shouldn't upset me but somehow it still does. I hate how she involved other people in thinking I'm inferior. Plus, my reception trainer woman undermines me. After she told me that everyone has egos and it's best to stroke them all the time to get results, she sent me an email complimenting me. How much more obvious could you be?! Can't she tell I know what she's doing?

At the interview (for this job), they told me that I'll have to 'assist' with admin work. But now I'm the one 'doing' it.

I guess I just need to wait it out for a few months, but Renee has just made it so much more difficult for me. I hate people talking down to me and she's managed to at least make me think that everyone is.

To make myself feel better about the trainer woman, I just remind myself that she's getting dates online and her love life is pretty horrible.

There's nothing to make me feel better than reminding myself that these people who like to put themselves above me are not so perfect themselves.

All of this made me wonder, what's harder to obtain, a happy relationship or a successful job?

Something To Be

Has the fear taken over you
Tell me
Is that what you want
To make up your life

Hold on to me
Never leave
Forever be what you mean to me right now.

***

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same.

***

I've been looking for something
Something I've never seen
We're all looking for something
Something to be

Hey man
Play another one of those heartbreak songs
Tell another story how things go wrong
And they never get back
My pain is a platinum stack.

***

It's morning
I wake up
The taste of summer sweetness on my mind
It's a clear day
In this city
Let's go dance under the street lights

We may never find our reason to shine
But here and now this is our time
And I may never find the meaning of life
But for this moment I am fine.

Sick Leave

I cannot believe it's only been two weeks of my new job and I've already taken three out of five sick leave days. Woke up feeling worse than yesterday so thought there's no point going in if they sent me home when I was feeling better.

When I called to tell them, Renee asked, "Do you think you'll be coming in tomorrow?" It's so not fair how she can start making me feel guilty when she's the one who made me go home when I was capable of being at work. I know I could've lasted yesterday at work if I wasn't made to talk.

Went to the doctor's again (gosh, I'm becoming such an April) and she told me that if it's not tonsilitis, then it's glandular fever in which case nothing can be done anyway. Such great news to hear.

Had a blood test done. Every time the nurse is about to stick the needle in my arm, I get a little anxious that it's really going to hurt but when it's in my vein, I always find myself thinking, "That's it?"

I just want to get back to work and be able to do all that I need, which includes talking a lot.

David finishes his exams today so I want to be healthy to enjoy all the extra time we'll have together. Will now get to see him more than just on the weekends, like it's been for the last couple of weeks.

Pressure

I think today was a new record. I went to work for the whole of 10 minutes! Pretty much as soon as I came in, Renee told me to go home. I said that even though I wasn't able to really speak, I could still do other work but she said that it wasn't a good idea to infect other people and they they managed fine yesterday without me.

How could they manage fine?! What about my job? I need to do it. I can't be seen as unimportant. Maybe it's just that they're not so busy at the moment. Of course they need me.

Well, at least they know I really am sick and not just taking days off. It would've looked bad if I didn't show up for two days in a row. Much better to come looking really bad and being told to go home.

I promised to call David yesterday but just as I was writing him a message to say it hurt too much to talk, he rang me. Pretty much from my "Hey..." he knew something was wrong. It really didn't help that on the weekend I kept going on about my chemical balance (or I should say 'imbalance') results. He now thinks that I'm the type of person to always get sick. I think it's karma because of all the times I got annoyed at April's constant sickness. I'm starting to feel more understanding. It's really nothing anyone can do about. You can't help getting sick.

He now thinks I'm weak which is so not what I want him to think (even if there might be some truth to it).

David asked if I wanted to go to a see a band I never liked. I said no. He then said that his sister isn't allowed to go unless he comes and he isn't going if I'm not. So his sister isn't going to be too happy with me. I told him that wasn't fair to put all the pressure on me because I'd never do that to him. He said, "I'm not you so I would". And he was only half joking. He knows I don't succumb to such pressure because it's not like it's $20. I'm not spending 70 bucks on a band I don't even like. I think if he really wanted me to come, he and his sister could pay for my ticket. It's only fair.

Excitement of Real Life

I think the more exciting my real life gets, the more boring my blog becomes. I guess it's easier trying to make ordinary things interesting than just retelling real life events (that can only be understood if you've experienced them).

Also less time to write (because of work and going out) makes me less enthusiastic. I no longer need this to fill the emptyness and free time of my life. There were so many times during the day when I'd think,"Ooo, this would make an interesting blog entry" but by the time I get home, I just can't be bothered writing about it, and a few days later that story seems old and irrelevant.

Swollen

Guess where I am right now?

At home.

One side of my throat feels like it's ripping. I can't even eat breakfast 'cause it hurts too much to swallow. Went to the doctor at 8am and she told me that if it's an infection, it should clear in three days. Three days!!! I don't have that much time! I have to be at work tomorrow and I can't speak. She said I should definitely have another day off. Doesn't she not realise that not only do I have tons of work, I'm already behind by not going in today.

She also said that if the antibiotics don't clear, I have to come in for a blood test to make sure I don't have glandular fever. I so don't need this right now.

When I called work, they didn't sound too happy about me not showing up. Wish I could have the doctor tell them how badly my glands are swollen.

So Filling

Had the best weekend. I so don't want to go to work tomorrow and you know how much I love my job.

On Friday Claudia came to meet me for lunch. She finished uni and is now looking for a job so she has a lot of free time (when she's not working at her casual job). Had such a filling meal, something I haven't had in a while 'cause when I get home after work, I never feel like a full dinner. I'm hoping there'll be a job opportunity for her at my company. How cool would it be to have a high school friend working with me?!

On Saturday morning I went to my naturopath to get my results. Apparently I have so much of one mineral that it didn't even fit into the standard table. So she's pretty certain that's what's causing my urticaria. Have no idea how my body could store so much of it since the only way to get an excess of it is if you work with metals because it's impossible to get such a large amount just from food.

Anyway, she ended up giving me tons of different vitamins that are supposed to block this mineral. We'll see what happens.

David came over in the afternoon and we went to the beach, which was really lovely because lately we've just been hanging out at each other's houses. The weather was beautiful so it was wonderful to walk along the beach just before sunset. I love the beach atmosphere in the afternoon, when people are no longer swimming but just exercising or hanging around with their families or friends. It has such a holiday feel to it.

We decided to have dinner at a nearby cafe which was awesome since I don't think I've ever eaten out at a proper cafe (i.e. not fast food) on the beach. David ordered a chicken caesar salad and I decided on a steak sandwich (because my test results recommended that I eat more meat). When the waitress brought out our food, she was going to give me the salad and David the steak. It was funny when I told her the huge steak sandwich (that came with a pile of fries) was for me. And there was David having his healthy chicken with salad. Since I usually don't eat much, he was so surprised at how much food I was eating, he told my Mum (later when we got home). Mum said to me later, "Have you never eaten with him? His eyes were on fire when he was telling me what you ate".

It was one of the best meals I've had in a long time.

On Sunday I went to meet up with the girls from uni. We went shopping, had lunch and walked around the stalls at the festival. It was good to catch up. I really didn't think I'd stay in touch with people from uni but somehow we manage to meet up.

The Power of Music

I always liked music, especially when I became a teenager and the tunes and lyrics evoked emotions that you couldn't do justice with just words.

Now my appreciation for it has increased even more because just listening to some songs makes me feel and not think.

Music is the perfect expression of feelings.

Even though I'm in love, I'm finding beauty in those sad ballads.

Hello - Lionel Ritchie

I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ...

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know

'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I was going to add some more Mariah Carey lyrics. I've never really cared about her but now I'm in love with her old songs.

Hold My Heart

The salesgirl at my work met her ex after not seeing him for two years. She said he's the love of her life but they will never be together. And meeting him after so long brought on so many memories that she completely broke down when she got home. What really struck me was when she said, "He still knows me better than I know myself".

I don't think David knows me so well. Many times he misinterprets me. Yet I didn't really give that much thought. I feel in love with him anyway. He always warms my heart. On Monday morning I was a little anxious about work because I had a very difficult task ahead so when I got a message from him to wish me an excellent day and that he thought I was the best, I immediately relaxed. Anything seemed possible because I knew that I always had David to go back to, even if everything else failed.

We talked every night this week and I still missed him terribly. He said the same thing. There were so many times we misunderstood each other or disagreed but there's always some invisible link pulling us together.

The idea of us living together seemed more attractive than ever. There's only so long my ear feels comfortable listening to a plastic receiver. How nice would it be to come home and he's there...

Can't wait till our little trip! Had to make sure that we won't be doing anything he's hoping we would. He asked why and I couldn't explain. There was no logical straight forward answer. Sounded so cheesy to say that I just wasn't ready. I guess it's that inner feeling like love. You can't feel it at first and then you just do and you feel more certain than anything. Maybe it's going to be the same. There'll be a moment when I just feel like I can do what I can't right now.

I'm so happy with how things are now and I love that he feels the same way about me. And it's not just in the things he says, which are so sweet (yet cheesy because he's just so typically romantic). There was a really beautiful quote about this but I can't find it. Basically it meant that it's not what someone says but what they mean behind it. And even though David's words may seem corny and cliche, I know how strongly he feels when he says those things. It doesn't help that I used to be cynical and can still imagine how I'd feel if I heard his lines said to someone else.

Like he said, "I was listening to romantic songs on the radio today and they all reminded me of you." Then how he has this way of looking at me that I can't even describle accurately. It makes me feel like he can't see anyone or anything else in the entire world. So focused and warm and content like I can make him completely happy just by being myself.

How To Get High

I'm on such a high right now. I should go to sleep but I just have a buzz inside me that won't go away. Just wish David was here with me. I've never felt in such a daze. I've been downloading love songs which is just so cheesy but words are not enough to describe how I feel. Only music can evoke such emotion. Any logical side of my brain is thinking that I must be exaggerating this. I could not be feeling so strongly. Yet...

Being the Queen of "Getting Carried Away", I couldn't help but quickly check different properties. Not that I'm planning on moving out soon, but just out of curiosity, you know? (If you don't, that's ok. I'm not even sure I do.) Also found my interest peak when I saw some furniture store catalogues. Thought, "This bed would look nice. And so would this couch."

Definitely waaaaaay ahead of myself.

Was watching Australian Idol and kept thinking how nice it would be if David was in the next room. Or even better, watching with me. Although if he was, I probably wouldn't pay attention to the TV 'cause I'd just want to talk to him. How nice it would be... so many things...

Anyway, time to go to sleep. I'll regret not going sooner when I have to wake up at the crack of dawn. (Ok, so I'm exaggerating this bit just a little.)

In Love With Life

I have never been so satisfied with my life as I am now. The future never looked brighter. I'm even not so inspired to write in my blog. I just feel like like I want to write something, but just don't know what.

It was so good to see David last night. I went to his house at 8pm and it still wasn't dark, so it felt heaps earlier. No one was at his house so I expected my hormones to take over because I haven't seen him for a week but I just had this urge to tell him about every detail that happened at work so we (mainly I) talked non-stop. I was getting quite carried away with my stories and rather than just smiling and nodding politely, he was actually interested. It was so good to vent to him, rather than here (since I can't blog too much about work). It makes me feel so good to know he cares about what's happening in my life since he's always enthusiastic about finding out what's been going on.

He asked if I could come to his family Christmas party. I said, "But isn't it just going to be all your family?" and he said, "Yeah, but I feel like you're part of the family now". It was weird 'cause my parents consider him almost like family too.

After we picked up his sister from work, she showed me her formal dresses. I didn't like either of them but said that she looked really pretty in them. Even though his sister is very sweet, she can be a real handful so I don't want to get on her bad side.

Since we're going to miss out on my work's Christmas party, at least we get to go to his work's one. It'd be cool to go to a work function as someone's partner. Then we'll be spending New Year's Eve together. I was like, "Finally I'll get a kiss when the clock strikes midnight" and he said, "Definitely! But you don't have to wait till then". Then there's Valentine's Day. And there I am getting ahead of myself again. So many things to look forward to.

We also managed to somehow start talking about where we would like to live and the longevity of relationships. I said that in my opinion for a relationship to work, the two people had to have the same goals in life, otherwise the two people would drift apart (since they'd be going after different things). David asked, "So what are your goals in life?" The fact that he even asked me that filled me with so much joy. I absolutely love when he asks questions about what I want and what I think. After I told him and asked him, his goals were almost identical to mine. We both wanted a family, to develop our careers and travel.

It's odd to reflect that we haven't even been going out for 6 months and I've never felt closer to anyone else. Even April, which is so hard to believe because of how closely we were connected mentally and emotionally. Even with our differences (which we openly aknowledge), we're always on the same wavelength. And the more time we spend together, the closer we get and the more I feel like I can accept all the things I never agreed with before.

And now that I have a job I love, I feel like I have everything I've ever wanted. Even more.

Too Long. A Piece of Paper

Too Long

me: I'm going to David's house
Mum: I thought you weren't seeing each other for two weeks
me: well, that changed
Mum: so who caved in?

A Piece of Paper

David: I'm moving out as soon as I finish uni
me: I don't want to move out now 'cause I don't want to live by myself.
David: Do you want to move out with me?
me: well... that depends
David: on what?
me: well... hmmm...
David: what...?
me: things...
David: a ring?
me: no! Who cares about a ring. The piece of paper is the fun part.
David: I wouldn't mind a piece of paper...
me: but you said that was committing suicide
David: that was about my friend
me: so you don't think that?
David: no

You Never Know

We have two uni girls at work who help out a couple of days a week. Pretty much as soon as I met one of them, she said, "So how did you manage to get this job? We had so many people wanting it!"

Well, don't I feel special now!

I told her I called them up and she said, "So you were very persistent?" Don't know if one call can be counted as persistent. I don't even know myself how I managed to get it. I've been doing the same thing in my other unsuccessful interviews. I guess other people didn't think I'd fit into their workplaces. Who knows.

I'm just soooooooooooooo glad I got this job because I absolutely love it.

Today was busy and I had a deadline but unlike my first job, this deadline was achievable. Just needed to work fast and prioritise. I finished with a couple of minutes to spare and the manager loved what I did. I know managers usually always say how much they like things in the beginning to keep you motivated and it doesn't last but it still felt good to hear.

Although I wasn't too excited about starting at 8:30am when they first told me, now I see the advantages (especially since my train manages to get me there at 8:20am). I already get heaps of work done by 9:00am so the day doesn't feel too stressful.

Can't wait till David finishes his exams and we can spend more time together. In a month we'll be going on our little trip which I'm very excited about. When I told Renee (the office manager) that I'll need two days off, one of the first things she said was, "But you'll miss out on our Christmas party!" Yeah, it's a little disappointing but never mind. I'll be having plenty of fun with David.

Life is Good

The worst thing I feared about full time employment was the routine.

As kids, we get used to routine when we go to school. We know when we have to get up and when we have to do different tasks. At that age you don't really complain because that's all you know. Then you get to the last years of high school where you're given free periods and a choice of subjects. You quickly get used to the freedom of being able to leave early or have a longer lunch time and not doing the subjects you hate. Then you get to uni and routine gets thrown out the window. Classes usually start late and it's up to you when you leave. No one cares what you do. Casual jobs break up your day even more. Holidays are long. Life is as free as you make it.

Then you get to work, which is like school again. Only it's much harder to get used to things that are worse than what you had before. That's what it felt like when I was doing the graphic design job at the beginning of the year. Every day was the same. I knew exactly what I would be doing the same time in a week, in a month etc. I couldn't accept that's the kind of life I was in for the next 50 years. I tried to get into the film/tv industry because that was pretty far from the routine office work but realised that I wasn't brave enough for that sort of job insecurity.

Then I got this job. Sure I have to wake up the same time each day but how I love what I do! I have no idea what I'll be doing next week. Today got a surprise when the manager told us at 4pm that if he was going home early, he couldn't make us stay and we were all free to go too. Just when I thought that there was no comprimise on the leaving time. Plus, today was the second day in a row when we got free lunch. And let me add how tasty it was!

I didn't even really feel like going home 'cause I was enjoying what I was doing and thought, "It's not like I have anything better to do at home" which in all honesty I cannot remember ever thinking about any other job or even uni.

Tomorrow I have to send the publisher links to the best online games (on the relevant topic). The child in me loves this. On Friday I'll have to be a grown-up and go to a real business meeting with an important person.

Another way you can tell I'm in love with my job is when on Monday I thought, "I'm so glad it's only the beginning of the week and I still have plenty of time to do everything that needs to be done" and at 5pm I thought, "Oh goody, I still have half an hour of work!"

Don't want to get back to my pessimistic thoughts but I hope the wonderful life I lead right now lasts.

My grandma said I was on a lucky streak in my life right now and that it was about time.

Sweet and loving boyfriend + fun and fulfilling job. What else could I want?