Never Forever

I knew my perfect little world couldn't last forever. I'm not in that shell of contentment that I've been in for the previous two weeks anymore.

Things at work have taken a turn for the worse. Renee took me outside for a 'chat' to give me some 'feedback'.

First she had the nerve to ask if I didn't come to work because I wasn't liking it. How could she forget that she was the one to tell me to go home?

Then, she said I was strong-headed and argumentative. I almost felt like laughing, if only it wasn't so sad.

When I asked her to give me an example (because I never argued with anyone at work that I was aware of), she told me of one event when I clarified the reason for what she asked me to do (since it was completely unnecessary). I tried to defend myself by saying that I only asked her to get more information so I was able to deal with the task better. And she said, "See! You're arguing again!"

I swear I felt like I was a school student talking to a power-hungry teacher who wouldn't let me say a word without it being construed as arguing.

Then she kept going on about how everyone at the office had more experience than me and that I shouldn't do some of the work that I've been doing because we had other people to do it. (Let's just forget for a moment that these 'other people', which really referred to only one specific person, couldn't do her job properly even with all her experience). I was told I should work better in a team and not try to take control of everything.

All I've been doing is helping everyone. I haven't controlled anything. I've done all the things people have asked me to.

Then, she told me I didn't talk on the phone properly, which had to be a complete joke. I was always under the impression that I sounded good on the phone since I only ever got anywhere if I called and I've had people say I sound good on the phone. I'm sure they wouldn't say it for no reason. All the temp jobs were fine with how I answered the phone.

She said she had 'received' feedback that I was too abrupt with people. So I need 'reception training'. Did they forget I don't even care about being a receptionist and it's supposed to be only temporary? She told me to say things she never does when she's on the phone which I find very hypocritical.

Anyway, had this 'reception training' which was a big waste of time. The woman who did it with me made me call up 10 businesses to hear what they say. Then she asked which ones I wouldn't feel comfortable calling again. Seriously, if I was after something, I wouldn't not call a company just because the receptionist didn't have the 'right inflexion in her voice'. How sensitive do you have to be?! Not like any of them were rude or anything. This woman totally criticised one receptionist who had a different intonation because of her accent. She said it was very unprofessional. I guess she hasn't watched SBS news where the newsreaders have accents and no one cares.

What annoyed me even more was how Renee and this woman got everyone involved and now have everyone checking me every time I answer the phone, which makes me really self-conscious and I stop sounding natural.

I was really upset about it yesterday but thanks to Mum and David I feel much better. They both think Renee just wants to feel like she has more power and this is her way of showing it. Mum said people who are busy don't waste time on these things. She obviously doesn't have enough work to do. I asked my Dad (who works in a small company of mainly men) about his company's new receptionist and if anyone criticises her and he said, "We don't criticise. We have better things to do. Last time I walked by her desk, she was doing uni work and no one said a word," and Mum said it's more of a woman thing to create these sorts of problems.

Being able to get too analytical about things (which I actually haven't done in a while), I started thinking maybe Renee was right and I didn't talk on the phone properly, although she's definitely not right about me being argumentative. There is no way that could be said. Anyway, I decided to just think of it as her issue of power (since she's under the impression that without her the business would collapse) that's got nothing to do with me. And from now on, I won't even question her about any stupid thing she asks me to do. I'll just do it. I'll follow through all the 'reception training' techniques, no matter how dumb they are. I'll wait it out until I get to do more marketing work and leave the admin behind to someone else.

Must remind myself that her highest education is doing an Excel course which makes her think she knows everything about computers. She wouldn't even let me change my own account name because she thought only the 'administator' (i.e. her) could do it. So when she was doing it, she kept saying, "Don't look!" which was so ridiculous 'cause I didn't have to look to know what she was doing.

This all shouldn't upset me but somehow it still does. I hate how she involved other people in thinking I'm inferior. Plus, my reception trainer woman undermines me. After she told me that everyone has egos and it's best to stroke them all the time to get results, she sent me an email complimenting me. How much more obvious could you be?! Can't she tell I know what she's doing?

At the interview (for this job), they told me that I'll have to 'assist' with admin work. But now I'm the one 'doing' it.

I guess I just need to wait it out for a few months, but Renee has just made it so much more difficult for me. I hate people talking down to me and she's managed to at least make me think that everyone is.

To make myself feel better about the trainer woman, I just remind myself that she's getting dates online and her love life is pretty horrible.

There's nothing to make me feel better than reminding myself that these people who like to put themselves above me are not so perfect themselves.

All of this made me wonder, what's harder to obtain, a happy relationship or a successful job?