Another Proof Of My Contradictory Self

As you all know today is Valentine's Day and in the morning I was actually excited. Why, you may ask, would I even pay attention to just another day that has no significance to me whatsoever? I wish I knew. Usually I just get depressed that it's another time to remind me of my lack of boyfriend. Maybe next year I'll have someone to share it with, but then again that's what I always hope for and that never happens.

I remember one year in high school, my friends (not the ones that I hang out with now) and I gave each other presents and wrote secret letters to our secret Valentine (whichever name we picked out of a hat) a week prior to the day. Sort of like Secret Santa. I don't even remember what I got but it was fun at the time.

Next weekend I'm going to ODV (Orientation Day Volunteers) camp. The only reason I signed up was to meet guys and because Nadine said it was a lot of fun and a good way to meet new people. Now I don't feel like going. I think I'm just nervous because I don't know anyone and don't want to end up being by myself the entire time because I'll be too shy to get involved or too unlucky to meet people that I'd actually like. I'll try not to worry about it too much. Whatever happens, happens. I'll try to remember the HSC (Higher School Certificate) because compared to that nothing is worth as much worry. I mean that exam could've changed my whole career path and either made my life easy or very difficult. I'm glad it turned out well.

I just got an e-mail from Netta (one of ODV's organisers). They are all going out to a club this weekend. Lots of people are coming. The last time I went to an ODV social event, only Netta came. It's good that I brought my school friends along. I'm not in the mood to call up my friends and tell them about it. I'm pretty sure I'll regret it later. I annoy myself so much sometimes that I wonder how I can even live with myself. I mean this is a perfect opportunity to meet other ODV's and do I take full advantage of it? Of course not. I'm an idiot. Then, I'll probably complain that at camp everyone will know each other and it'll be too hard for me to fit in.

Does anyone else have this social phobia even though you like meeting new people? If you do, how do you overcome it? I'd really like to hear from you. I don't even know if anyone reads this. I know some people come and check it out but no one comes back. Maybe I should submit this into search engines. I'm a bit weary of doing that though 'cause I don't want people that know me finding this.