Free Therapy

Did I make myself do something that I normally wouldn’t do, just so I can write about it in this journal, as I originally planned? A big fat NO. I didn’t do anything worth writing about so I’ll write what I did that isn’t worth writing about.

I wrote some new ideas to improve April’s and my show. When I went online to send it, I got a revised version of Episode 1 that is completely different to the original one from April. I liked some parts of it but not others. I’m usually pretty straight forward about what I like and what I don’t because otherwise what’s the point of writing the show together? We need each other’s honest opinions. That’s why we make a good team. The one thing I don’t like is that although she writes well, she can’t make the characters talk differently. They all sound the same. I know it’s extremely difficult to pretend to be a completely different person and I don’t pretend to be good at it either but I think that’s one of the main things that’s ruining our show. I mentioned it to her but she can’t change. She makes all the characters sound really intelligent (because she is) but their dialogue just doesn’t sound real. It even started to remind me of the way they talk in Dawson’s Creek. Oh well, at least I’m not writing the show by myself. Then the dialogue would be really dumb since I don’t have enough general knowledge to make clever references the way she does. We’ll see what happens with the whole project.

I looked for new things to add to my web log.

I added stuff to the revised Episode 1 and wrote some for another episode. Hope April likes it.

Then I read “Teach Yourself Applied Psychology”. I love that sort of stuff. The book is pretty general though and doesn’t teach you how to manipulate people and play with their minds. Damn. What’s the point of knowing how people think when you can’t have fun with them? I believe that “Knowledge is Power” but I learnt that some knowledge is completely useless.

Mum, Dad and I were talking about house searching (which is what my parents have been doing for the last year). Dad asked what I thought about living in a rented flat for a while to save money. I said I liked the idea (’cause I’d be close to transport). He said it’ll only be in 2 years which means I’d finish uni by then. Then Mum goes, “You might be married by then”. Yeah, I wish. And Dad says straight away in this smug know-it-all tone, “I don’t think that will be happening”. Thanks, Dad! It’s really nice to be confirmed your worst fears. It’s nice to know that your father doesn’t think you will get married. I shut up ‘cause I knew I was going to cry if I opened my mouth. To fill the silence, Dad adds, “You need a boyfriend first”. I stayed in the kitchen for another minute as if I didn’t care what he said. Then I casually left, went to the bathroom and cried. Sometimes truth hurts the most.

After I calmed down and switched on the computer, he comes up. Here’s the conversation:

Dad: Aren’t you sick of your wallpaper? [I have the Microsoft “Autumn” desktop and he has the standard turquoise one]
Me: no, it suits my personality
Dad: my one suits mine
Me: yeah -- boring.

He deserved it, although I feel guilty hurting his feelings. Why does my conscience have to nag at me when it’s not necessary?

This entry got quite depressing. I don’t mean to make this blog full of complaints and depressing thoughts. I want it to have a positive outlook on life even when it’s not that positive. I don’t want to use you as free therapy. I’m sure you don’t either.