Secrets

Yesterday was one of my 'talk on the phone' days. Nadine called me which is always nice, especially that I've seen her on Sunday. What was even nicer is that she told me a lot of things that I didn't know about and I don't think anyone else does either. Since I respect her privacy, I will not divulge what she told me. I'll just say that something was happening with her at the beginning of high school that I really didn't realise, although if I look back on it now, I realise that it was quite obvious. All the little pieces fit together in a perfect little puzzle.

It's weird how I think that I really know Nadine when there are so many things that I don't. I used to tell her everything but I guess my secrets weren't as secret as hers so there wasn't as much at stake. It makes me feel really good that she can share this stuff with me, even if it's years afterwards. I like how now she's really honest about that stuff and it's easy to get answers to some of my questions that I wouldn't dream asking anyone else. I really don't know why I used to be jealous of her so much. Her life was nowhere near perfect, although that's how she made it out to be.

One of her friends (who she calls her best friend) is sufferring from depression and anorexia and it's really getting to Nadine. I can fully understand. People pay so much attention to the people that are actually depressed that they don't realise how much strain people that are around the sick person are under.

I remember when Amy had depression, I kept getting really irritated because I didn't know how to act around her. It was hard to be supportive of someone who was behaving so unreasonably. I just wanted to tell her to get over it and move on. Everyone gets sad at one stage or another but people just deal with it themselves. I used to get depressed a lot but I didn't let it take over my life. I know some people can't help themselves which was what irritated me so much. Why did I have to be responsible for someone else's happiness? That just didn't seem fair. If you were in a similar situation, what did you do and how did you feel?

We talked about that for a while. It's easy to support someone like Nadine because she is feeling reasonably and it's nice to talk to someone who's been in a similar position. After that she told me about herself. I was glad that she could talk so openly to me about it.

I also had a three way conversation with April and Emma. They are both so funny. We were talking about how different Christine's way of looking at things is compared to us. Every time I talk about someone behind their backs, I feel extremely guilty. Yet I can't stop myself. I wish I wasn't so interested in analysing people with others. I wouldn't like it if people were doing the same about me. I'd want to know what they'd be saying about me. It's not like we say bad things. We just talked about how everyone is so different and that it's great to be able to still be liked by people who know your bad points.

I'm just always so intrigued by people and relationships that it's like talking about your hobby. This probably doesn't sound very nice but that's one of my bad points. How do you feel about people and do you think it's wrong to talk about someone behind their back, even if you're not saying anything bad?