The adventures of an ambitious 23 year old who just wants to settle down with the Right Guy.
What to do to reduce stress:
1. Stop obsessing about EVERYTHING!!!
2. Stop procrastinating, leaving work to pile up with not enough time to do it.
3. Concentrate on positive things.
4. Reduce computer use -- think of poor eyes!
5. Stop eating when stressed and not hungry.
6. Relax
7. Follow the above!
How could I not realise the joys of online messaging earlier?
The only time I used ICQ was to chat with Max (or other people I didn't know).
But for the last few weeks, I've talked with my friends through MSN and it's not that much worse than the phone. April and I had the funniest conversations. I actually talk to her more now than I did before since we're both on the net at the same time.
I'm going over to Claudia's house tomorrow for a small party (i.e. just me, Claud, April, Christine, Beth and maybe Emma; Amelia is working). Should be fun, as usual. April and I will probably stay over cause we can't get home otherwise since Claudia lives quite far.
Guess what?! Nadine decided to invite me to her birthday party which is next Saturday. This Sunday is just the family celebration which was why her Mum invited our whole family and Nadine hasn't said a word about it to me. I hope there'll be some smart cute guys there. April was imagining nice scenarios of how I could meet a guy there. They were all 100% unrealistic. They were quite entertaining, nonetheless.
Knowing Nadine and her friends, they will all get drunk quite quickly and start acting... uhm... drunk which will put me in an awkward situation. Usually my friends and I don't drink much but act drunk anyway but it's no fun acting drunk when all the other people really are drunk.
As I told April, a perfect scenario would be if everyone got drunk except me and some nice guy and we would bond over our non-drunken state and make fun of all the drunk people and afterwards make up embarrassing situations that the drunk people have gotten themselves into.
Not happening.
I've just been checking out Top Blogs and all the top places are taken by 'adults only' category. Honestly, can't people be interested more in intellectual topics?! Not that my blog is very intellectual but you have to have some brains to follow my confusing thought processes.
Actually, this got me thinking that my blog doesn't have anything that stimulates the brain cells. It's just a soap opera without anything happening. Almost like "Passions".
Can't wait to see "The Diary Of Ann Frank" on Sunday. I've never read the book but the movie looks interesting.
Nadine's party is this Sunday and I still didn't get her a present. I can't believe that Nadine still hasn't personally invited me. Her Mum invited our family so my Mum can get something from 'all of us'. I hate getting Nadine presents cause no matter how hard I try to find something she likes, I never do. I remember on her 13th (I think) birthday I gave her something (that I don't remember now) and she said to me, "I really like your present but I love the ring that my cousin gave me". She's the only person I know that will tell you if she likes your present or not. The funny thing is that I've never liked any present that she gave me. I only liked what she wrote in my cards (which was always personal and touching and funny).
I'll probably be going to Claudia's this Saturday. I probably shouldn't cause I have so much uni work but it's not likely for me to be doing it after 5pm anyway.
I hate the feeling of procrastination. I so should be doing an assignment, but I can't make myself. Although it's only due next Thursday, I have other assignments that I have to do before then. I just want to get it out of the way. I can only fully concentrate in the mornings and there just isn't enough time in the mornings. I'm too sleepy in the afternoon and too tired in the evenings (although not as much as in the afternoons). Maybe I'll get some energy later on. Please!!! I need to concentrate and I can't right now.
I didn't even go to uni today so I could finish a part of an assignment. I never pay much attention to today's lecture anyway. It's completely irrelevant to my future career.
Yesterday in Web Design, we had to redo a webpage in 2 hours and I couldn't make a good one. I knew it was bad but I didn't know what to change but the lecturer didn't know that I knew it was bad so he came and told me about specific things that made it bad (which I already knew) and didn't help. But now he knows me as the girl who is mediocre and I don't like being known as mediocre.
At school, I was one of the people that everyone knew as being good at design stuff, but at uni I have to prove myself again and for some reason I can't. I want to be really good at something but I can't find anything that I'm really good at. I'm just better at design that at other things. That doesn't mean I'm actually good at it. I'm not even sure if it's something I really like. I just know that I like it more than I like other things. I want to do something I'm passionate about (but who doesn't?).
The only things I'm passionate about is reading, TV and friends. How can I combine these into a career?!
I've been craving chocolate for the last couple of weeks. Probably 'cause I haven't had any for a while before then. And I was always a chocaholic. I'm trying to eat healthy. At least for this week! I need to lose some weight.
I've got a haircut yesterday. Isn't that exciting news! I knew you'd want to hear about it.
Sorry, I can't help being sarcastic. My future goal is to be less sarcastic.
Although, I said that Bachelor 3 isn't addictive, I still watched it. I can't wait till the show the girl version, ie. where a girl chooses a guy. Then I'll have some fun. I don't understand how the bachelors always think that a number of ladies could be their wives. They must be very compatible with a lot of people. If you put me in a room with 30 guys, I probably won't like any of them. How can they find so many people that they can really connect with?
It does not seem very realistic to me.
When I met up with Amelia and Claudia today, a very funny thing happened. We were just sitting, eating lunch when all of a sudden, Amelia sees her stalker who sat down a few tables away from us. Then in matter of seconds, Amelia kneels down next to her chair and goes under the table!
The cafeteria was crowded so all people at near tables are looking at what she's doing while Claudia and I were cracking up laughing. So it looked like everyone was staring and we were laughing at an empty chair since people further away (ie. Amelia's stalker) couldn't see that Amelia was next to it, under the table. So her stalker started looking into our direction to see what was going on. Then Amelia started peaking to see if he was still there so you could only see the top of her head and eyes above the table. Strangely, her stalker didn't see her.
After he left, all Amelia would do is look out the window to see if he was coming back. Talk about being paranoid! It was quite funny for me and Claudia, though!
I’m not sure whether I just like obsessing or if I really can’t help it. No matter how many times I tell myself that I shouldn’t be thinking of Max, I just don’t listen to myself. What happened to the times when I totally didn’t care? Were there even times like that? For as long as I’ve known Max, my attitude towards him, I’ve noticed (due to constant recent obsession) follows a cycle of:
1. distant liking
2. really liking
3. denial of really liking
4. admittance of really liking (due to non-caring whether I really like him)
5. obsessive liking
6. dislike
7. not caring
… and back to 1.
Sometimes the cycle varies a bit, but mainly sticks to those 7 phases.
I feel like Bridget Jones about Mark when she kept telling herself that she didn’t want him at all but every time the phone rang, she hoped it was him.
I know that the only thing that would stop my obsessing is another guy (i.e. not going to happen).
I never obsess about anything, except a guy. I think that’s a bad trait in my personality.
I wonder what Max would think if he knew. I know that if some guy would obsess over me, I’d react depending on who the guy was. If I didn’t like him, I’d be quite scared. But if, for example, Max was obsessing over me, I wouldn’t mind at all.
at 10:16 pm
Guess who called?!!!
No, not Max.
Nadine!
I almost didn't even recognise her. Can you imagine?! Here's the beginning of the conversation (as accurately as I can remember).
me: hello?
[silence]
me: hello?
N [in the smallest voice]: hi
me[not recognising her]: hi
N: do you recognise me?
me: Nadine! I can't believe it's you!
N: Oh my God. You don't even recognise me anymore.
I talked with her as we usually did before. Not like someone you haven't spoken to for months. The first thing she asked me was how I was feeling. It turns out that she heard that I had an operation. My Mum told her Mum who told her. My Mum doesn't even talk to her Mum that much. When she had time to tell her beats me. Do you see now why I (and Andrew) don't tell my Mum anything? She blabs it to people that she doesn't even like.
She told me about her trip. To every tiny detail such as the food she had. She said that she didn't tell me that she was going because she didn't even know she was going until the very end and then she had exams. It's no excuse though because it doesn't take that much time to call and say that she was leaving for a month. Anyway, I'm over it. It's not like I told her about the operation.
You should've heard what she's been up to there. She fully told off some woman who couldn't keep her 4 children quiet on the train (from one city to another). Then she said that the woman looked like she was going to punch her but then the other passengers started clapping which shut up the woman. Then she told off some shopkeeper who was rude. The woman was so scared that she was polite from then on. Then she told off some more people. Although some of the people might've deserved it, some didn't. But that's Nadine for you. She can be as mean as she can be nice.
She also told me about some American girl who thought we ride kangaroos in Australia. Nadine told her that we also have cars to which the girl asked her how we travel if we don't have cars. Nadine said that then you can "hop on a bus" to which the girl said, "So they let kangaroos on buses?" That girl also asked some other stupid question like if we all dress like the Crocodile Hunter and how we deal with all the dangerous wildlife. How can some Americans be so sheltered? It's a cilvilsed country!
Anyway, it was nice to talk with her. It's her birthday next week so I guess I'll talk with her then.
Warren was being his usual immature self and was telling Sophia, Lilly and me which guy likes us. Guess who he said liked me?! Yes, Fabian. Seriously, he could've at least pretended otherwise. He was telling us that we act too 18 year old-ish and was asking if we had curfews. My God! How immature can you get?! I had to sit next to him in the lecture and he was being so irritatingly immature. He wouldn't sit still and kept saying and doing really stupid things (eg. hitting the fold-out desk on his knee and saying how strong he was. I was surprised he didn't break his knee!)
I just cannot deal with immatureness (is that a word?) anymore! He wasn't the only one acting like that. I'm just using him as an example.
This is what made me think of Max so much. I used to think Max was a bit immature but he's nothing like the others. If there's no better guy than Max, then the world is really screwed up. I'm not saying Max is bad. He's just not for me. I'm sure he can make some girl very happy.
I seriously need a life.
I want to talk with Max.
I WANT to talk with Max.
I want To talk with Max.
I want to TALK with Max.
I want to talk WITH Max.
I want to talk with MAX.
I WANT TO TALK WITH MAX!
I wrote a relatively interesting blog entry yesterday but when I was about to post it, blogger stopped working and so my entry disappeared for ever and ever...
I was writing while I was talking on MSN with Lauren, Sophia, Sally and Lilly about our assignment. I've never laughed so much while talking on MSN (except with April). I can't believe I ever said they were boring. (Well, I can actually but they're not as bad as I thought). Sally is really quiet but very interesting (when she does say things). I'm very surprised that she's got a boyfriend. How can a quiet person like her get one? She's a great person but how did she get a guy to notice that?
Anyway, speaking of guys, I haven't heard from Max for a while. Well, he actually messaged me 2 days ago. But that's it. He didn't reply to my email that I sent ages ago. I want to talk to him on the phone again. I'm sick of this 'minimum communication".
I have to fix the comments things. I will, just not now. I should be doing my tutorial.
Lindsay, thank you for your e-mail. I would like to reply but there was no e-mail address.
I was talking to April on MSN yesterday and my brother glanced at the window and he couldn't understand a thing. It made me realise that we speak in code. We abbreviate everything from the movie title of the one that we're writing to places to people. Here's an example of what it looked like:
Sky: and then we could have J go to TA but A thinks that J is going there because she's ID
April: I'm a bit ID too. Maybe when we can get into mgb, we won't be so ID
Sky: maybe we'll meet PH there!
April: and we could be like A and J in ID!
etc.
Does anyone want to have a go at deciphering the above? If anyone can come up with something funny, I'll post it here.
It's funny when we talk about our TV show/movie on trains. Everyone always look at us really weirdly because they think we're talking about real people and events.
I so should be doing work right not but I so don't feel like it.
Hey, can anyone tell me the difference between the 'i' and 'em' html tag? I could probably try to find out myself but I'm lazy.
I should add the comments section asap but I'm being really lazy. I think it's because of Max. When I think about him, I can't be bothered doing anything else. Imagine if I had a real boyfriend! I wouldn't be bothered to do anything!
Does anyone know any interesting blogs that talk about the blogger's life? I need to read them to make up for the lack of mine.
I know that's really sad.
All day yesterday, Andrew talked about the party that he went to on Saturday. It was one of those where everyone gets drunk and makes out. My brother was really annoyed that his friends that don't drink (or make out) left early but he wanted to stay longer and 'socialise'. He was saying how it's annoying that people who don't drink are not as social. Which is actually true (from my experience). Andrew didn't drink (cause he's on acne medication with which you can't drink alcohol) and didn't make out. He was saying that his friends were only snogging 'slutty girls' which made me annoyed and I had to have a 'talk' with him about double standards. I told him that his guy friends who were making out with the 'slutty' girls were being just as slutty as the girls since they were doing the exact same thing. I told him that he shouldn't sink to that level and smart girls would respect and like him more if he didn't do that kind of stuff. I think he got the point.
It was actually a bit disappointing that he couldn't figure that out for himself. He knows that he shouldn't do that stuff but he doesn't realise why, which is the whole point. It's like the only people who didn't drink were religious and were doing that because their religion told them not to, not because they knew the effects of alcohol. It just annoys me how people can't think for themselves.
I just spent a couple of hours trying to get the comments thing to match my website. And the window closed down. I can't be bothered anymore.
I've been quite good today actually. I did quite a bit of uni work although I did get distracted by the comments thing. But if you think about it, it's actually quite useful for me to be trying to figure out the code for it for my future career in web design.
Max is back.
Nadine is back too. Her mother called mine to invite our family to her 21st birthday. Our parents don't get on at all and yet her mother invited us before Nadine even told me about it. What is going on?! I'm really confused. Why didn't Nadine tell me that she was going overseas? Why didn't she tell me that she was back? Why do I get invited to her birthday party by her MOTHER?!!!
The whole thing is just too sad. Andrew never liked Nadine so he made me feel better. Nadine used to envy me that I had Andrew (which is very understandable). She tried to act like he was her brother too which used to make me really annoyed at Andrew because when I was little it seemed that Andrew would always take her attention away from me. That was so stupid. There's no one more loyal than my brother. I'm glad I have other friends now because if this happened when I was younger, I would've been devastated. Now, I'm just confused. It's just a pity that things had to turn out that way. April is such a better friend that Nadine ever can be. And so is Amelia. And Christine and Claudia. Nadine can't be compared to any real friend right now.
My Mum is forcing herself not to say "I told you so" because although she doesn't mind Nadine, she can't stand her parents. She always thinks that every bad thing that Nadine does is brainwashed into her by her mother. Nadine is easily influenced. When I used to spend heaps of time with her, she was always trying to match my behaviour. Even her Mum said thank you to me when she got into uni (as if I had anything to do with that) because she thought that she only went because I always wanted to go. When she hung out with her private school friends, she'd do really stupid things and act completely differently. When she made uni friends, she told me how much easier it was to be herself. I used to feel privileged that out of all people, I was the one that she told stuff to and could be herself. Maybe now that she's popular, she doesn't need me. Although she's only popular with people that don't really know her. People that are close to her know how difficult she can be.
April could've come over today but I needed to do uni work. I love seeing her every week.
I want to go dancing.
Andrew went to a party. Speaking of him, one of his friends (who's a model) meets heaps of people from the net. That just goes to show that maybe you don't have to be desperate to meet people from the net. Andy said that the girl is having some guy from America coming over to stay at her house!!! Her parents called his school to make sure that he exists. I'd never tell my parents about what I do online but then I'd never have a stranger stay over. I still haven't even met Max (one person that I properly communicated with for over 2 years, going 3 now). And he sounds the most normal. If only he wasn't so quiet on the phone. I always imagined him to be more talkative. I know he said he was shy but so am I. Well, maybe not anymore. I surprised myself at how at ease I was on the phone.
April was telling me how annoying her ex-best friend was when all she talks about is about a guy who she met from the net and how they are just good friends. April said that she wants to tell her to just go out with him already if he's the only thing she ever talks about. April was saying how her friend can put him into any conversation. She even gave me a funny demonstration. It just made me think of Max and how when I was obsessed with him, I'd only talk about him to Andrew. I wonder what April would think of that if I told her. I was really close to telling her about Max but then thought against it. There's not much to say anyway.
Well, I can go about him for ages sometimes but not so much anymore. He's just a really kind guy with no tertiary education. That's my summary of him. Sure, there are a lot of things about him, some of which I don't even know. He has a complicated life.
April and I are writing a movie now because we decided that it's a lot easier to get a movie produced than a TV show. And if the movie is popular, it will be a lot easier to get the show done.
I read somewhere that it's best not to write about personal things. I don't know, everything we write is quite personal. The best stuff that we've done were about ourselves. The very first thing we wrote together had nothing to do with our lives and it was pretty stupid and cliche. Or maybe that was because we were 15.
I'm glad we're writing again though.
Well, I can write about 3 things that happened today. They were all negative but at least I can write something other than random thoughts.
1. When I was getting out of the train station, some woman behind me tried to overtake me and slipped and fell as a result, almost taking me with her. I turned around to see if she was all right, but she started yelling, "Fuck!" over and over and wouldn't get up. She looked as if she was on drugs. She went completely insane from anger, rather than pain. I didn't know if I should've stayed and did something or leave her. I mumbled 'sorry' even though it wasn't my fault, it just looked like it was because she tripped on me. I shouldn't have said it because she may have started to think that it really was my fault. There was the usual group of druggies sitting around who saw the whole thing and kept screaming 'Fuck!' as well. I got a bit scared and quickly went. I'm scared to go to that station alone now because what if the woman (who looks like she hangs around with the druggies) will get them all to bash me up?
2. Guess who walked in late into our lecture? Mark! My heart must've skipped a beat. I thought that maybe he changed courses back to my one. He looked so cute!!! Really neat, without trying to impress anyone. And those blond curls! I had to remind myself that I no longer care if he likes me or not because I know his bad points. It was really hard though! I was glad when he left because I'm so much more relaxed when I don't want to impress anyone. First Nathan came to our lecture (last week), now Mark! It's the second time he surprised me with his presence! I don't like surprises like that because at first I get really excited but then really disappointed. Not a good feeling.
3. I shouldn't have said anything about Fabian ignoring me because he was a real jerk today. I hate him. In the lecture, every time the lecturer asked a question and no one would answer, he'd say my name so that the lecturer would look at me. Anyone who reads my blog knows how much I despise speaking in front of a large group so him attracting attention to me made me really angry. The first time I ignored him but then he wouldn't shut up so I gave him a 'look' that hopefully he interpreted as "Shut up or I will kill you". After a couple of times, when the lecturer was actually waiting for an answer from me, another guy saved me and answered himself. Why the hell does Fabian have to single me out in front of everyone?! Can't he pick on someone else. I hate him.
at 8:36 pm
I found really good dancing classes but my friends don't want to go 'cause they think they're a bit expensive ($15/h). They are obviously not as enthusiastic about it as I am. I don't want to go by myself, though. Especially at the beginning.
I really should start being more independent and stop relying on my friends so much.
I feel like writing something interesting but my life at the moment doesn't allow it.
Here are some random things:
* April also got through to the next stage of the Coles Myer Recruitment Program. It would just be absolutely excellent if we got to work together.
* Fabian stopped bothering me and now avoids talking to me. This makes me so much more relaxed when he's around. I think my non-existent reactions to him really bored him. Which was the whole point.
* Jack is starting to go all weird again. He always keeps staring at me. It's really unnerving.
* Justin (the weird guy) is actually quite interesting but I can't help but be really distant towards him because in my head, he's stuck as the weirdo that has no social skills. I can't change that perception of him.
* I spoke up in class on my own accord. Amazing! My face went red straight after I realised what I've just done. That was too embarrassing.
* After April and my chat last Saturday about finding RG, I completely felt no desire to talk to Max but now I do again.
* Got really irritated at Andrew today because he was being selfish. I hate being in a fight with him because when I want to tell him something, I have to stop myself because we are 'fighting'. It's dumb but I can't help it.
* Thought about what Nadine is up to and if she's back yet. I wonder if she'll invite me to her 21st birthday. It's unbelievable that I even doubt that now. Well, she didn't give me a birthday present this year which was really weird because she was always the one that I counted on to get at least one birthday present from. I don't know how I should act with her now if she calls me or if I'll see her at uni. I can't believe how weird our friendship got.
April said that it's inevitable for childhood best friends to drift apart. I really believed that it was possible to be best friends with someone for your whole life because of how close Nadine and I were. She was just like my sister. And the really strange thing is that I still see her as my sister, only one that I haven't seen or spoken to for a really long time.
* I'm trying to read "Wuthering Heights" but I think you have to be in the mood to read it. This is probably why I read so many books at the same time. Each one is for a different mood.
* Can someone post something on my Message Board?
* Maybe I should get a comments thing. I wonder if people will respond more. It's weird that although I want people to respond to what I write, when someone does, I get a bit anxious about what they write.
* The guy that I wanted to talk to yesterday wasn't there. A bit disappointing.
* There is this really tall guy in my yesterday's tutorial. It'd be pretty cool to have a really tall boyfriend (although I'm more on the short side).
* Nathan (really cute but not my type who transferred from my course this year) came to last Thursday lecture for a few minutes. I don't know why but I was kinda happy to see him. He's really easy-going and social and he pays attention to me. Maybe he'll be there tomorrow. During that lecture, Jack was drawing dirty pictures and showing them to Justin. Seriously, how immature can you get?!
* Don't have to get up early tomorrow. Yay!
* My life is at a stand-still.
I couldn't resist to watch "Bachelor 3" yesterday since I was addicted to the 2 previous series. I'm happy to announce that this is one is not addictive at all, as all the women seem like competitive airheads who don't really care about finding a husband on the show, just to win the 'game'. This lack of priorities ruins the whole entertainment. I don't want to see lots of adult women fighting over something they probably don't even want. I want to see genuine people.
Bad things that happened:
* Had to borrow the tutor's textbook and she left without taking it back which meant that I had to take it home. After that I had to buy another 2 textbooks (one of which is the same as the one I had to borrow). This meant that I had to carry 3 very heavy textbooks around uni. And I'll have to take 2 back next week (one for the tutor and one for me).
* Got a headache from the heat of today's weather.
* Hit my head when I was trying to get out of the car because of all the bags I had to take out. It really hurt!
Good things that happened:
* Met up with Amelia (who's doing very well), Emma (who's annoyed that lots of ODVs, including me, are not doing ODV next year), Beth (who actually talked with us, instead of on her phone with her 'cool' friends) and Claudia (who I'm seriously worried about because some 40 year old guy wouldn't leave her alone yesterday and kept following her. She ended up getting off at another uni and going to the library before he left her alone and then calling Christine to drive her home. She's now scared of going anywhere near the bus stop where the guy started talking to her. Amelia's stalker doesn't even compare to this one. This guy was seriously creepy. It made me think what I'd do in that situation. I'd probably get off the train at the station where I know there is a police station and let the guy follow me there so that the cops could deal with him).
* Got through another stage in the Coles Myer Recruitment Program. Seriously, how many stages are there?!! How bad would it be if I got through every stage except the last? All the stress for nothing. Anyway, I'm not going to think about it too much. I didn't even want to write about it so not to jinx it but I remembered that I don't believe in jinxes or any other non-scientific occurrences.
I'm supposed to see the surgeon that did my gallbladder operation a month after it but I haven't gotten around to making an appointment. I know I should. It doesn't really bother me except for a few times where I feel like I have really bad indigestion (although I'm not exactly sure what indigestion feels like since I don't think I ever had it before).
I also need to call about the dancing classes. I swear, since the musical, I have been dancing around the house every time I switch the radio on (and sometimes even when I don't). I must look really stupid if anyone would see me, making every movement a dance one. I'm not sure if this is just some phase or what. Oh well, exercise never hurt anyone.
I should be writing a 'short' report for one of my subjects but... here I am, writing here.
On Friday I went to see the musical in which my brother plays almost the whole piano score. It was very good for a high school production. All the kids were very talented. (Andrew goes to a performing arts school.) The whole production seemed so much fun that it made me a bit annoyed that I couldn't be in it. My school was more of an academic one so we didn't really put on shows.
In my first primary school, I had a teacher who used to direct professional shows and since I was in her class, I always got to dance in them. I used to get the biggest thrill doing that so I was very disappointed when we moved and I had to go to a crap private school that didn't do anything.
I tried to get into dancing classes when we moved but somehow it didn't work out 'cause the class that I was enrolled in cancelled and the others were for people who already did dancing since they were 5. I never actually had dancing lessons before, only the rehearsals that we did for the shows.
Now, after seeing that musical, I want to join some dancing class for fun. Dancing is the only form of exercise that I really love. I looked up the ones that we have at uni but apart from the ones where you need a partner, the others sound too weird. I might go to a dancing class that I went to last year once. It was at another uni and you don't even have to enrol to those, just pay for the time that you come. It was the best fun. April might come too because surprisingly she said that she wants to do dancing too. Who would've thought.
I went to April's house yesterday after we watched "Identity" (which was better than I expected). We just talked about everything, the way I used to talk with Nadine. It's amazing how it really is possible to have a best friend who is not Nadine. I never thought I'd be really close to someone like I was with Nadine. We agreed that once a person gets a boyfriend, that puts a whole barrier in the friendship that no one can help. It's ok if both people don't have a boyfriend at the same time, as long as they both had one before. Actually I'm not sure about that either.
I wish April and I went to the same uni, we could've done more stuff together to meet guys. We could've constructed some insane plan and then laughed about it when it failed miserably.
We wrote predictions of where we (and our friends) would be and what we'd all be doing this time next year, in 5 years and in 10 years. That was fun. We predicted the saddest things for ourselves, but it was funny. So when we'll read it, we'll be happy about our lives. Please!!!
We were imagining what it would be like if the five of us had boyfriends and we'd all go out together... That would be the best fun.
We were trying to come up with plans for meeting guys. We didn't get very far, apart from asking Christine if she knows anyone she could introduce us to. I doubt she does.
Oh well, it was nice to hang out with her. It was just like talking to Andrew (who right now is having the best time because of the musical and all the new friends that he made). I remember that year 11 and 12 were the best years in high school because that's when you become really close friends with people.
Sometimes I just don't really realise how lucky I am to have people that I could really talk to.
Friday Five
1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
30 minutes before I have to leave for uni, but if uni starts in the afternoon, then around 9am.
2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
Well, I can sleep in till 10/11am if I went to sleep late the night before but if not, then 9am.
3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Go to the bathroom.
4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
30 minutes.
5. When possible, what is your favourite place to go for breakfast?
I can never be bothered to go out for breakfast. I'm still planning on at least trying out the McDonalds morning menu sometime in my life.
I was thinking (yes, again) about how it's pretty cool that I wrote in this blog for 7 months. And since I wrote almost everything (because some things should stay private) that has happened to me, it's pretty interesting to read it again and remember some things that I've forgotten. I don't think I've really changed in the last 7 month but that's probably because 7 months is not a very long time.
I really didn't expect to be writing here for so long from the very first entry. Also when I re-read some entries, I noticed bad grammar and misspelt words (which irritates me in other blogs) so I changed those. Although I check every entry before I publish it, somehow, there are always errors that I miss. I can read an entry 5 times and only notice a mistake on the 6th time so please try to overlook any imperfections in the language.
Oh my God, what the hell am I going on about.
Baby Dreams
I had a weird dream a few days ago. I had a dream that I had a baby and the labour was completely painless and I felt the happiest I've ever been. What is my sub-consciousness trying to tell me?! Actually I've been dreaming of babies a lot lately. Not only human ones but kittens and puppies too. Weird...
Fear of Public Speaking
I had to do a small presentation today. I absolutely hate public speaking. I don't know why I get so panicky all the time. My heart starts beating faster, my breath gets uneven, blood rushes to my face, my hands get clammy. It's like some disease. And although logically in my head, I'm not stressed, it's an automatic reaction. It reminds me of that Pavlov experiment where the dog starts salivating every time it hears a bell because it associates food with the bell. Maybe it's the same thing with me and public speaking. Just the thought of it causes me to react physically, even though mentally I know it's stupid and nothing bad could happen.
I volunteered to go at the beginning because maybe if I force myself to do public speaking, I'll get over my fear of it. I've been trying to make myself get over it since high school and for some reason it's not working. Aren't you supposed to confront your fears in order for them to go away? Well, whose bright idea was that because it doesn't work.
Does anyone know how to get over the fear of public speaking? Or if you experienced and got over it, what did you do?
I haven't written for five days in here! Amazing!
On Saturday night, I went over to April's and hanged around there with her and Christine. I don't know why but I have just as much fun hanging out with my friends at someone's house as I do going out to clubs (or any other place). Hanging out at someone's house is so much more relaxing. While I was there, I actually thought that if I had a boyfriend and had to choose between hanging out with him or hanging out with my friends, I'd rather be with my friends. That just shows that I don't really need a boyfriend. I just want one.
I wonder if I'll have a lifestyle similar to Bridget Jones where I'll be single for so long and get used to my friends so much that they'll be like my family and it would be very hard for a guy to feel more special than my friends.
Nah, that would never happen. A serious boyfriend would always be more special than friends because he'll be just like a close friend... but uhm... even closer.
On Sunday, I went to my grandparents house 'cause I couldn't use my computer (since an important part of it broke and could only be replaced on Monday) and did my uni work a few days before it was due! Finishing work earlier gave me such a sense of relief that I will try to finish all my assignments early from now on. If only my lack of motivation won't prevent me.
On Monday, I wrote a relatively long email to Max (who's not in Sydney at the moment) because I felt like it. I just blabbed on about the Matchbox 20 concert and uni. Pretty boring stuff for him so I don't know why I did it.
Yesterday, I went to an advanced screening of a movie that hasn't been released yet. I think I might've mentioned that April, Claudia and I got free tickets for it a week ago. Each ticket was for 2 people so we could bring another person. Amelia didn't come. Christine came and guess who Claudia invited?! Georgia! Claudia doesn't really know how much I can't stand Georgia so I can't be too mad at her. (Actually it's very hard to be mad at Claudia for anything.) The very strange thing happened, though. While I was waiting for Claudia, Georgia comes up and says in a really friendly voice, "Are you waiting for Claudia?" I was stunned that she said anything to me at all. I didn't know if I should answer her or pretend that she's not there (like she used to do to me) but then I thought that I'm better than her and replied. She then said, "Yeah, me too" and stood there with me, in complete silence. I don't want to keep any grudges but I don't want it to be so easy for her to just come up and pretend that she wasn't a complete bitch before. That's what infuriates me so much -- I don't know if I should show her that I hate her or if I should make it easy for her and be nice. If I show that I hate her, she'll know that she has power over me but if I pretend like it never happened, she'll know that she could get away with being so horrible. What would you do?
When we met up with Christine and April, I noticed that April was acting really strange. Sometimes (very rarely) April acts as if she's this really cool and superior person which makes it extremely difficult to talk to her. In all the years that I've known her, I only saw her act snobby like that maybe 5 times. Most of those times was when she was with other people. I don't know why she was acting like that yesterday.
After the movie when Christine was driving us back, I got an SMS from Max which was a bit of a surprise. He just asked how I was which probably meant that he hasn't read the email. It was weird how there I was in Christine's car with everyone being loud, and Max was a small part of it all. Two completely different worlds in one. Of course, no one noticed that I was really quiet suddenly which was fine with me because I didn't want to explain to them who Max was. The whole thing was just kind of weird.