Secret Revealed

I left work at the time I was supposed to! Yay! I even had some spare time at the end of the day. Used that to research my urticaria condition again. Nothing new.

I did get some vitamins that I use to manage the redness and itchiness, for free.

At lunch, I decided to go for a walk. There was no pathway so I just walked on the grassy hills along the roads, listening to my mp3 player. I almost fell over because I didn't realise how slippery one part was. It was good to go for a walk but I won't be doing it in that area again. It's just not safe.

Talked to David on the phone last night way past midnight so I was pretty tired today. I told him about Max. I didn't think I ever would but I just said it. He said, "It sounds like you wanted to confess this". I guess I did. He's the only person I talked about how I felt about the whole 'thing'. That horrible desperation and addiction to something that wasn't real.

I said it was stupid. He said it wasn't. He said that he understood how I could extend that thing for so long. He said he couldn't let go off the girl he used to go out with at school even though she wasn't interested in him anymore. Then one day he realised that enough was enough.

I had lots of times when I thought enough was enough but nothing could've stopped me from obsessing about it until there was someone to replace Max. In this case, David. I remember when Max messaged me when I was already going out with David and it was just so damn easy to ignore it. I felt like a huge weight lifted off my heart. It was a good-bye on my terms. I was the one who let him go.

I feel stupid writing about it like it was some huge thing. Oh well, it's in the past now. Where it should've been a really long time ago.

David said that it seemed like I had chances of getting a boyfriend but I was completely closed off to any opportunities. Maybe I was, I don't know. I just never met someone I actually wanted to go out with who wanted to go out with me.

Of course I didn't make it easier for myself when I was young, ignoring any guy I didn't know who'd talk to me. I don't know what I was so paranoid about. I'm just glad I stopped behaving so extra cautiously by the time I met David. Otherwise I would've still been single.

Well, now I really don't have any secrets from David. He knows my life inside out.