Need For Validation

None of the managers are going to be at work tomorrow. I'm so tempted to come late and leave early. But I'm worried that since my manager is going to be there in the morning and in the afternoon, I will not be able to guess when.

Today I got complimented on one of the ads that I've done. My manager only told me such things when I just started and haven't commented on my work since. Then, today he specifically came up to tell me how much he (and the other manager) liked something I did. You can imagine how good I felt. And I'm one of those people who needs to be affirmed that my work is liked. If that validation stops, I start to think that maybe I've stopped producing good results. And since my line of work is so based on taste and opinion, I can't be confident that just because I like what I did, that others will too.

At uni everyone would always ask others their opinion while they were working so we'd know we were on the right track. At work, you're expected to do all this independently. I miss having that constant communication about what everyone was working on.

I miss uni. I know I've said that a lot but I just can't get over my uni days. And they weren't even that perfect. I guess I just miss those constant breaks where we would all sit at the cafeteria and talk for hours. Or even in class when we were supposed to be doing work, we'd chat and laugh about everything. I remember I used to think, "if only I liked these people more" but now I miss talking to them so much and would love to have those days back. I'm getting emotional just writing about it.

My Graduation

I don't think I ever talked about my graduation. It seems like it was forever ago. And in some ways it was.

I met up with Amelia and Claudia beforehand so they ended up coming to get my gown. The other students were all there with their parents but I told my parents to come when the actual ceremony started. Amelia and Claudia acted like my parents. They held my stuff while I was fitted into my graduation wear and Amelia even squeled and said loud enough for everyone to hear, "Our little Sky is graduating! I'm so proud of you!" All the guys from my course who were lined up behind me stopped talking to stare. Even though I was a bit embarrased, inside I felt so happy that my closest friends were there with me. Friends who saw me growing up. Almost like family.

Since my Mum was supposed to bring the camera and she wasn't there yet, Claudia took photos of me everywhere. She said she wanted them for herself. So sweet.

Even though my family wasn't there, my friends definitely made up for it. No one else's friends were there so I felt quite special.

My parents came later. My brother didn't which got me upset. He said he had a lecture but when I asked him later if he could've skipped it and that he was the only sibling who wasn't there, he said that he didn't realise it was so important because he didn't go to my school graduation. Can't be too hurt because of his childish naivite. When he realised the importance of it, he kept apologising and even skipped his meeting with his friends to play soccer to wait with me at uni (while I was waiting for Sally). I just can't stay mad at Andy.

After the ceremony, when I was chatting with my uni friends, Sam came up and gave me (and the others) a kiss on the cheek. Then I saw my parents. I wonder if they saw. They think I don't talk to guys at all. When I was going back to return my gown and my parents were walking behind me, I saw Bill walking towards me and he asked if I was coming to dinner later with them. I said I was. Then a few minutes later, I saw Fabian and as he walked by, he tapped me on my shoulder and said, "Congratulations" with his usual smirk (or was that a genuine smile?) After that, my Mum caught up to me and said, "You said there are no normal guys in your course! You didn't even pay attention to them! What was wrong with that one?!". I didn't want to start. Fabian, out of all people! Honestly! Sure he looks impressive, but that's it. Although... honestly, I think I might miss his attention. A bit. Might. Oh my God, I can't believe I'm even saying that. Who would've thought. I'm sure I don't mean it.

After the ceremony, I waited with Andy for a bit. That was odd to meet my brother at uni but pretty cool. Then, after waiting in the library for an hour by myself because I had nothing else to do, I met up with Sally and we chatted for about an hour until we got kicked out of the cafeteria because it was closing. We got to the cafe where we were supposed to meet the others. We were discussing our plans to go to another state in a month or so together. Can't wait. Especially that I haven't been there which is a bit of an embarrassment.

Lilly was already at the cafe. It's weird that she's the most talented one out of all of us but is one of the few who didn't get a job. I think she just hasn't been really trying. It was so great to catch up with her. After waiting for almost an hour for the others, came about 15 guys so it was just us 3 girls and the guys. I was wondering why I wasn't interested in any of them. The girls came 40 minutes later. It was so great to hang out with everyone.

Would've been nice to have a boyfriend to have at my graduation but then again, it would be nice to have a boyfriend to have anywhere.